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Quotes for
Sophie Chapman (Character)
from "Peep Show" (2003)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Peep Show: Sophie's Parents (#4.1)" (2007)
Sophie Chapman: [picking out a T-shirt with Mao Tze-tung on it] What about this?
Mark Corrigan: You do know who that is, don't you?
Sophie Chapman: Yeah, it's Chairman Mao, isn't it?
Mark Corrigan: Exactly, the man was responsible for the deaths of 60 million people. I don't want him on my chest.
Sophie Chapman: 60 million, that's more than Stalin, isn't it?
Mark Corrigan: It's not a competition, Soph. Although if it was, Mao would probably win.

Penny Chapman: You look different from your photo, is the beard new?
Sophie Chapman: I thought it would give him a bit of edge. And we're thinking of going short with the hair soon, too.
Penny Chapman: Makes you look handsome, like a policeman.
Mark Corrigan: Oh, thank you. You're obviously very attractive too.
Mark Corrigan: Ugh, what next? Am I gonna tell her she's got lovely tits?

Mark Corrigan: [has just shot down a pheasant] I got it! I got one, I got one!
Jeremy Usborne: [unimpressed] Congratulations. You've killed a sentient being.
Ian Chapman: Well done, Mark. But you only winged it.
[the pheasant is lying on the ground, twitching]
Mark Corrigan: Oh, is that not...?
Ian Chapman: No, you've got to finish it off.
Mark Corrigan: Oh, right.
[he points his shotgun at it]
Ian Chapman: No, don't shoot it! God!
Mark Corrigan: [raising his foot above it] What, shall I?
Ian Chapman: Don't stamp on it! Jesus. Wring its neck.
Mark Corrigan: Its neck?
Ian Chapman: Yes, wring its neck, it's suffering.
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] This is the ultimate good impression test. If I can do this, I'll never have to carve a chicken or discuss spark plugs or prove I love his daughter.
[he picks up the pheasant]
Ian Chapman: Now, be careful you don't...
[Mark accidentally wrenches the bird's head off. Blood spurts out]
Ian Chapman: Oh, Mark. You've pulled its bloody head off.
Mark Corrigan: [horrified] There's blood all over me!
[Sophie appears with a bag]
Sophie Chapman: Teas, coffees for the huntsmen!
Jeremy Usborne: No teas for the beastmaster, thanks. He feasts on the blood of his prey.

Ian Chapman: [handing Mark a pint of beer] There you go. It's got a bit of a head on, but I'm sure you'll see to that in a hurry.
Sophie Chapman: Oh Dad, don't go on about it. It was horrible.

"Peep Show: St. Hospitals (#7.1)" (2010)
Midwife: OK, darling. Baby's doing fine, I just want to see how you're doing, see how dilated you are, OK?
[she puts on a rubber glove]
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Hmm, stuck on the Medical Channel and there's no remote control.
[the Midwife slips her hand between Sophie's legs. Sophie winces. Mark and Jeremy look at each other awkwardly]
Jeremy Usborne: Maybe some... music?
Mark Corrigan: Yes. Yeah, m-maybe some music.
Sophie Chapman: [gasps] Uh-huh.
[Jeremy goes over to a small hi-fi and switches it on. Panpipe music plays]
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] What a bastard. That's gonna drive us all totally bonkers.
Midwife: Yeah, you're doing great, you're fully dilated. Your baby's coming. There's no time for an epidural.
[Sophie groans. The midwife leaves]
Sophie Chapman: She put her whole hand in!
Mark Corrigan: Blimey.
Sophie Chapman: I didn't think she'd put her whole hand in!
Mark Corrigan: No, God.
Jeremy Usborne: Look, maybe I should go.
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Of course, brings the insufferable music, then goes. He's like the 1980s.

Sophie Chapman: [in labour] Aaaaaargh! Bastard, bastard, fat bastard!
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Is that for me or just general bastarding?
Sophie Chapman: Oh, fuck off, fuck off!
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] If she keeps saying "fuck off", I might fuck off. That's got to be within your rights, to fuck off if someone repeatedly screams at you to fuck off.
[to the midwife]
Mark Corrigan: Can I... I just need to nip to the little boys' room.
Mark Corrigan: Yeah, the little boys' room, for little boys.

"Peep Show: Conference (#4.2)" (2007)
Sophie Chapman: So, we've all been talking, me and Lisa and Katie and Jeff and we think we'd like to step down from the work group.
Mark Corrigan: But... you can't.
Sophie Chapman: You did say it was voluntary.
Mark Corrigan: Well, it's not.
Sophie Chapman: And I was quite shocked when you called Kathy a knucklehead, Mark.
Mark Corrigan: No I didn't.
Sophie Chapman: Yes, you did. You said she was a knucklehead and she should knuckle down or you'd knuckle her fat head. Then you stamped on Gerard's foot.
Mark Corrigan: That was an accident.
Sophie Chapman: No, it wasn't.
Mark Corrigan: It could have been, I was careful to be sure that it could have been.

Sophie Chapman: I sometimes wonder what I'm doing with Mark, getting married. I mean, whether he's really into me. And I have I lived enough? I've only slept with four men, is that enough?
Jeremy Usborne: Four? Oh, yeah.
Jeremy Usborne: Jesus. I've had sex with more men than that and I basically only sleep with women.
[to Sophie]
Jeremy Usborne: I mean, I might slip another one or two in, just to get your average up.
Sophie Chapman: I don't know if I'm attractive enough to.
Jeremy Usborne: Oh, you're attractive. You're a hottie, Soph. You're hot.
Sophie Chapman: Ahh, that's nice, thanks Jez. You're pretty hot too.
Jeremy Usborne: Well, here's to being hot.
[they look into each other's eyes]
Jeremy Usborne: [voiceover] Shit, is this gonna happen? This is almost definetely a terrible idea. But I won't know for certain until I've actually done it.
[they kiss]
Jeremy Usborne: [voiceover] No, I was right, that was a terrible idea. That's probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life. Although, maybe actually screwing each other will kind of make it weirdly better...

"Peep Show: Mark Makes a Friend (#1.4)" (2003)
Sophie Chapman: Quite a seminar. You know Barbara went home crying.
Johnson: Hey, I'm just a doctor, I didn't make the needles sharp.
Sophie Chapman: It's not a wig, Alan, that's actually her hair.
Mark Corrigan: You've got to admit, Soph, she was asking a lot of questions.
Sophie Chapman: Yeah, well I just thought you two big kahunas should know.
Johnson: Yeah, whatever.
[Sophie walks off]
Mark Corrigan: See you!
Johnson: Je-sus, some people. You point them to a lift and they're like "No thanks, I'm fine with the stairs."

Sophie Chapman: Uh, Mark, I just wanted to say about the lift...
Mark Corrigan: 8:15 sharp?
Sophie Chapman: Yeah. It's just, the thing is, I forgot about Debbie's chair, the wheelchair.
Mark Corrigan: Yeah?
Sophie Chapman: Yeah, and I think it'll take up quite a bit of room. And Dave's been helping her, so I said to him...
Mark Corrigan: I mean, I could... help.
Sophie Chapman: Yeah... yeah, sure. It's just Dave's been... you know.
Mark Corrigan: Oh, yeah. Totally. Absolutely.
Mark Corrigan: Dave's the saint. Nothing must unseat Dave.

"Peep Show: Quantocking (#3.6)" (2005)
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Must maintain good relations. Can't propose in bad odour. Jesus! 33% of our mini-break weekend has already gone! Everything's got to be perfect for the big moment.
Sophie Chapman: Look, let's just go anywhere, yeah?
Mark Corrigan: [pointing to a restaurant] Well, what about here?
Sophie Chapman: Uh... do you think? It looks a bit...
Mark Corrigan: Yeah sure.
Mark Corrigan: No! No, I don't know what your inexpressible criteria are. Why don't you tell me the secret fucking formula?
Sophie Chapman: Why not go back to the place with the weird menus?
Mark Corrigan: Oh, back? No no, we can't go back, we've got to push on, push on to Moscow. I'll just see if, there might be something in one of the guides.
Sophie Chapman: Oh Mark, put away the guides, I want to have a real experience, I want to go to the places no one goes.
Mark Corrigan: Yeah, well I think there's probably a reason why no one goes to the places no one goes, they're overpriced and have poor service.
Sophie Chapman: Oh, Mark! Will you just try and leave the guides out of it and try and experience this bloody town!
[she grabs the guidebook off him and puts it into a postbox]
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Oh great, she's posted a book. And I suppose I'm supposed to find that incredibly charming and French. Well it's not, it's a waste of £8.99. But I've got to grin and take it because it's the proposal weekend.

Gerard: Excuse me, do you have a light?
Sophie Chapman: Oh, I'm sorry, we don't smoke.
Isobel: He thinks I hide his lighter. Do I look like the sort of woman who'd hide her husband's cigarette lighter?
Sophie Chapman: No, not at all.
Gerard: She also doesn't look like the sort of person who'd strangle a cat, but I haven't seen Castro in four days.

"Peep Show: On the Pull (#1.3)" (2003)
Jeff Heaney: So, Valerie, you still at school, or what?
Mark Corrigan: She's at college, actually.
Valerie: Sixth-Form College.
Mark Corrigan: Yeah, that's still college.
Jeff Heaney: Right. So, what's your favourite subject, then?
Sophie Chapman: I'm sure Valerie doesn't want to talk about subjects, she's bowling.
Jeff Heaney: Yeah, sure, sure, course, yeah. So, who do you think's best in S-Club, then?
Valerie: Oh, erm... I'm not really into them, but I hear they have a big gay following.
[She does the blow-job gesture to Mark and goes to bowl. Sophie smiles at Mark, Jeff looks bemused]
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] For the worst thing that could possibly happen, this is actually going extremely well.

Mark Corrigan: So, old seat-sniffer didn't sniff any of the seats or anything, did he?
Sophie Chapman: That's a joke, Mark, a rumour that I don't think is appropriate for you to... Jeff's a nice guy.

"Peep Show: Mugging (#3.1)" (2005)
Mark Corrigan: You know me, I'm old-fashioned, I like courting. Look, why don't we go to the pictures?
Sophie Chapman: [sarcastically] Sure, shall I bring a chaperone?

"Peep Show: The Interview (#1.2)" (2003)
Mark Corrigan: The truth is... The truth is, I suppose, I like you. That's why I said the song. I like you. Is that such a crime? Should I be hounded to the ends of the Earth just for liking you? I like you and if you can't handle it, you can just... you know, fuck off.
Sophie Chapman: No, no, I think I can handle you liking me.

"Peep Show: Wedding (#2.6)" (2004)
Sophie Chapman: How's your love life?
Mark Corrigan: "Love life" may be a rather grandiose term for staring at women on the bus.

"Peep Show: Jurying (#3.5)" (2005)
[Mark has been dragged along to a gay club by Sophie and her gay male friends and now they're all taking ecstasy]
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] So, a candle stuck in a wine bottle apparentely doesn't cut it anymore, now for a special night, you have to have Class A drugs and fisting.
[Mark pretends to take his pill]
Sophie Chapman: [surprised] Mark, I'm so proud of you!
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] She's proud of me? For taking a little white pill of drugs? But probably if I'd fought at Goose Green she wouldn't want to know.

"Peep Show: Das Boot (#6.6)" (2009)
Sophie Chapman: [talking about baby names] I was thinking Tarquin Oliver Nimrod.
[Mark bursts out laughing. Sophie doesn't laugh]
Mark Corrigan: I... like it.
Sophie Chapman: Why did you laugh?
Mark Corrigan: I thought it was a joke.
Sophie Chapman: You thought it was a joke but you like it?
Mark Corrigan: Tarquin Oliver Nimrod? Come on, give the little bugger a chance.

"Peep Show: Sectioning (#3.2)" (2005)
[at a fairground]
Sophie Chapman: So, what next?
Mark Corrigan: Well, they all look garish and unsafe so why don't you choose?

"Peep Show: Dance Class (#2.1)" (2004)
[At Gwyn's cabin, they're playing Spin the Bottle, it's Jeremy's turn and it's landed on Mark. But instead of opting to spin again they're both afraid of looking repressed in front of Nancy and Sophie, so now they're having kissing each other]
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] I can't believe this is happening. He doesn't even floss. I tell him, but he won't. Jesus, when can we stop?
Jeremy Usborne: [voiceover] Don't stop first. If I don't mind looking gay, I'll seem the most hetero. At least it's Mark. Oh, Jesus, it's Mark!
[they jerk away from each other. Mark is freaked out, Jeremy is too but he is desparately trying to hide it]
Sophie Chapman: Wow, Mark! Well done.
[she gives him a kiss]
Gwyn: [picking up the bottle] OK, so, Nancy's on.
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] This is probably how the Manson Family started.

"Peep Show: Wedding (#4.6)" (2007)
Sophie Chapman: [sobbing] I just feel terrible, I feel like I've been shot in the stomach.
Mark Corrigan: Don't say that, Sophs. It's done now, we're over the hump.
Sophie Chapman: The hump! Our wedding, the hump!

"Peep Show: Jeremy's Broke (#5.3)" (2008)
[Mark's new flatmate Saz and her two mates are getting drunk and being rowdy. Sophie has just come round, she and Mark are in the kitchen swapping the stuff they've left round each other's places]
Saz: [shouting from the lounge] Hey Mark, get back in here so Lindsey can jerk you off!
Sophie Chapman: What?
Mark Corrigan: No one's going to jerk me off, Sophie, it's just a stupid joke.
Saz: I'm not the one that's going to jerk you off, she's the one that's going to jerk you off!
Mark Corrigan: Please, carry on.
Sophie Chapman: Are you trying to humiliate me?
Mark Corrigan: What? No, God, no.
Saz: Hey Marrrk... come and put your tongue up Lindsey's arsehole, it's clean!

"Peep Show: The Man Show (#2.5)" (2004)
Sophie Chapman: [Halfway through watching "Das Boot" with Mark] Oh, are they in a submarine?

"Peep Show: Funeral (#1.6)" (2003)
Sophie Chapman: Moments like this really make you realise how short life is, you know?
Mark Corrigan: Right. One minute we're alive, the next we're dead.
Sophie Chapman: Sometimes, we're so wrapped up in the nonsense of life.
Mark Corrigan: Right, yeah. I mean, if I want an Xbox, why don't I just get an Xbox?

"Peep Show: Local Zero (#2.3)" (2004)
[Johnson, who thinks Mark is an alcoholic, discovers him in a pub with Sophie, having a pint of lager]
Mark Corrigan: It's not what it looks like! It's only a pint!
Johnson: Only a p... it's never only a pint.
Mark Corrigan: I didn't even want it, Sophie bought it for me, I asked for a coke.
Sophie Chapman: No, you didn't.
Johnson: You know what I'm hearing, Mark? Poor me. Poor me. Pour me another drink!

"Peep Show: Warring Factions (#1.1)" (2003)
[On the bus, Sophie accidentally sits on Mark's hand]
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Oh no, shit, she's... I should say... No, too late. Already, it's too late. Maybe if we hit a bump I can slip it out. Or keep schtum, ride it out. Going to need to waggle eventually, to keep the circulation going.
Sophie Chapman: Oh God, there's something... Mark have you... Your hand.
Mark Corrigan: Er, oh. I was gonna say, but... I just... Sorry.
Sophie Chapman: No, no, it's fine.
[she starts reading her book]
Mark Corrigan: [voiceover] Of course, she's giving you the book-off. Ugh. Women don't want your hand under their bottoms, Mark. That's been established, that's a given. "She sat on it, officer. It was an accident." "Of course it was, now get in with the nonces." What a disaster.