Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown
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Quotes for
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown (Character)
from "Sliders" (1995)

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"Sliders: Electric Twister Acid Test (#3.3)" (1996)
Wade Welles: I told you we'd never finish the run before the timer hit zero.
Quinn Mallory: So much for makin' a quick ten grand.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: It's probably just as well. The way Mr. Brown was driving, Ah, we'd all have died and then disqualified.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Oh, yeah, well, who kept yelling in my ear "Faster, faster"?

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: When I said I wanted to land on some sand in the next world, I didn't mean a desert.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Well, if a building does drop on us, I hope it's a Burger Burglar.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I've never been banished before. Except for that time in Abilene. Cowboys just didn't get Motown.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Whoa, the Batcave.

"Sliders: Dragonslide (#3.7)" (1996)
Wade Welles: What was that about?
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: What it's always about. The people we care about who have no idea who we are.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: So, uh, you and I don't have a connection?
Alesha Avo: Oh, we have a connection. You owe me $125.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Truth is that I do feel something special for you. Now, maybe it's 'cause we're the only two normal people on this journey. Q-ball and the professor - they're eggheads... havin' a grand time travelin' around the universe. Now I'm not saying that it isn't an adventure.
Wade Welles: But?
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: But... mostly, I just wanna be back home. Enjoyin' life. And the people that I love. And, being here with you, at least I get half of my dream.

Melinda: Get the sword!
[Rembrandt runs out; the dragon breathes fire at him]
Melinda: No! Only a Mallory can wield it!
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: [returns] I sure wish you'd told me that before I went out there!

"Sliders: Into the Mystic (#2.1)" (1996)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: There's one constant about every America we visit.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Yeah, the health-care system always sucks.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: [of watching TV] What better way to scope out a culture?

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: What was that?
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: A nightingale on medication.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I dunno, guys, I mean according to this, O.J. Simpson was tried for a double murder, the Raiders play in Oakload, Cleveland Indians, May, the World Series...
Wade Welles: A lot could've happened since we left.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: *That* much?

"Sliders: The Dream Masters (#3.5)" (1996)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I'm glad Napoleon never met his Waterloo. Or I never would've met my Cindy.

Wade Welles: Well, perhaps he planted a hypnotic suggestion in the bar. In any case, Wade believes he will invade her dreams, and if she falls asleep again, he will return.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: It's kind of like if someone tells you not to think about the elephant, but, then that's all you can think of.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I'm sorry.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I was hoping for something a little more like, "I'm sorry that I thought the worst of you, I should have more faith in my friends..."
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I am sorry that I thought the worst of you. I should have more faith in my friends.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: "And I know that you love Wade as much of any of us and would probably give your life to save hers if you could."
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Ditto.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: "And then there're times - "
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [starting to laugh] DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK, MR. BROWN.
[Rembrandt starts laughing; they hug]

"Sliders: Season's Greedings (#3.12)" (1996)
Announcer: Attention, shoppers. Only two more shopping days 'til Christmas. Show someone your love with that extra-special gift. Instant credit loans always available.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Boy, that brings the Christmas spirit to a new low.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: [singing to the tune of "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"] Prices are the lowest here... That's a pretty catch tune, huh?
Wade Welles: Yeah, not bad. If you don't mind corrupting the meaning of Christmas completely.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Hark, the herald jewels sing, buy your wife a diamond ring...

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Everything here is fake; including me. What the devil am I doing, playing jolly old Santa Claus, contributing to this... fraud on children.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: That last story didn't sound like perpetuating the fraud to me; you were trying to teach the kid a lesson.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Yes, and do you think he heard me?
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Eh, maybe he did.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: No, I don't think so. Look at parents so consumed by consumerism... Oh, dear. All this wretched advertising and, jingles.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: So you're just gonna let 'em down because it's too much work to reach them? Look, you're wearing that suit, it comes with strings attached. You've gotta keep trying.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [sighs] I don't think so.
[the boy from earlier tugs on his sleeve; he adjusts his beard and turns around]
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Yes?
Jason: [choked up] Santa, I broke my little brother's favorite toy and, I-I promised I'd get him a new one, but I never did. Please don't bring me a sockful of coal.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: [long pause; kneels] Did you know that telling the truth has just put on Santa's good list?
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Yes, it did.
Jason: May I hear another story?
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Yes, of course you can. Did I tell you the one about the impudent elf who taught Santa a lesson?

"Sliders: Double Cross (#3.2)" (1996)
[first lines]
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Man. I scuffed my new boots.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: You know, it seems like wherever we go to, we have trouble with the food?

"Sliders: Murder Most Foul (#3.13)" (1997)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I've seen libraries livelier than this.

Quinn Mallory: It's locked.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Then I'll use my key.
[kicks the door open]

"Sliders: To Catch a Slider (#5.15)" (1999)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Why don't you and I see if there's a different market for these things?
Capt. Maggie Beckett: You mean like black market?
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I prefer beige.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: What do any of you know about knockin' over a jewelry store?
Quinn 'Mallory' Mallory: Well, actually...
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I don't wanna hear it.

"Sliders: State of the A.R.T. (#3.11)" (1996)
Wade Welles: I hate to say it, but...
Quinn Mallory, Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown, Prof. Maximilian Arturo: "I've got a bad feeling about this place."

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I'm sorry I'm not carryin' my weight sometimes.
Quinn Mallory: What're you talkin' about; you always carry your weight. There's so many times where if you hadn't been there, I don't know if I'd be here today.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Yeah, sure.
Quinn Mallory: I'm serious, man. We've been in some serious situations, and I felt sure we would've bought it and then, bang - Remmy pops up. Maybe you don't realize how lucky we are to have you along for this ride. But I do. And I know the others do too.

"Sliders: Luck of the Draw (#1.9)" (1995)
Wade Welles: What if I wanted to give my money to the poor?
Ken Neisser: Unfortunately, the last poor person won the Lottery herself, about six months ago.
Quinn Mallory: What's the deal with this white card?
Ken Neisser: Very simple. You show it to any merchant, he gives you whatever you wish, you cannot be turned down. It's society's way of saying thanks.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Damn, girl. Some people have all the luck!
Quinn Mallory: Thanks... for what?
Ken Neisser: Thanks for playing the Lottery. What else?

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: The more you take, the better your chances? These odds I like!
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I'd be very careful, Mr. Brown. We know nothing of this world. I suggest we take no more than we see other people taking.
Quinn Mallory: He's right. "When in Rome."
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Yeah, I played Rome in '83. Rome's expensive as hell.

"Sliders: Sole Survivors (#3.18)" (1997)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: You don't have anything to worry about... except for those two creatures at two o'clock.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Didn't he used to be a little bit more mature?
Wade Welles: No.

"Sliders: A Thousand Deaths (#5.13)" (1999)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: That's the matter with bein' flavor of the month. It's only a matter of time before you melt away.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Platform shoes... what the devil were we thinking?

"Sliders: Love Gods (#2.2)" (1996)
Wade Welles: Which would you rather have - a national treasure or an American travestite and an overweight Englishman?
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Oh, that was cold.

"Sliders: Gillian of the Spirits (#2.3)" (1996)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: If there's one thing I've learned over the years, Professor, it's that there're only two people you trust to keep secrets.That's a lawyer and a priest. And a priest doesn't charge you anything.

"Sliders: Invasion (#2.12)" (1996)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Isn't it a little quiet on this world?
Wade Welles: A little quiet? Since when are you the master of understatement?

"Sliders: As Time Goes By (#2.13)" (1996)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I hate bein' an illegal immigrant in a country that used to be my own.

"Sliders: Last Days (#1.3)" (1995)
Rembrandt Brown: Don't look at me, I'm just the Chicken McNugget, you the Quarter Pounder!

"Sliders: Dust (#5.16)" (2000)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: If it's got to be a desert, why not a desert resort? Golf course, swimming pool, drinks in coconuts, hot and cold running maids.

"Sliders: Pilot (#1.1)" (1995)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: [after Sliding] Man, that trip was a trip!

"Sliders: Desert Storm (#3.6)" (1996)
Wade Welles: [reading a sign] "The Sand Pit". Nice.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I don't care if it's a snake pit as long as it has water.

"Sliders: The Fire Within (#3.8)" (1996)
Quinn Mallory: What the hell was that place?
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Maybe it *was* Hell.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: The hell it was.

"Sliders: Fever (#1.2)" (1995)
Rembrandt Brown: Lord, Lord. You can take a man's body and beat it, you can take his soul and fry it, but to do this to a hamburger, it's just downright unkind!

"Sliders: The Prince of Slides (#3.9)" (1996)
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I'm pregnant? I'm not even married!

"Sliders: Greatfellas (#2.10)" (1996)
Rembrandt Brown: I'm just a singer. I mean, I do have a cousin who's a security guard in Vero Beach, Florida but that is as close to law enforcement as I get

"Sliders: Prince of Wails (#1.4)" (1995)
Wade Welles: [about Prince Harold] How does a guy like this become king anyway?
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: It's the army.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: On the contrary. In fact, history dictates that military elites tend to depose rather than impose in a monarchial hierarchy.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: [points down the road at the approaching soldiers] No, I mean: it's the army.

"Sliders: The Chasm (#4.20)" (1999)
Derek Nichols: Don't you know the power of sacrifice and redemption?
Rembrandt Lee "Crying Man" Brown: Not into a pit, I don't.

"Sliders: Eggheads (#1.6)" (1995)
[a leather-clad punk walks by with "The Nutcracker Suite" blasting on his boombox]
Rembrandt: What is that? Tchaikovsky?
Arturo: I'm impressed, Mr. Brown.
Rembrandt: I know all the longhairs, man. If you want to play the game, you've gotta know the greats.

"Sliders: The Guardian (#3.4)" (1996)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: You're sure you won't change your mind and come to the opera with us?
Quinn Mallory: I don't have a tux.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: You can have mine.