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Quotes for
Prof. Maximilian Arturo (Character)
from "Sliders" (1995)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Sliders: The Guardian (#3.4)" (1996)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Damn you, boy.
[hugs Quinn]

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: You're sure you won't change your mind and come to the opera with us?
Quinn Mallory: I don't have a tux.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: You can have mine.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Your generation thinks nothing about seeing Indiana Jones thirteen times; well, I happen to feel the same about Mozart.

Quinn Mallory: It's so bizarre. It's like looking back in time.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Look, Mr. Mallory. But don't touch.

Ambrosia: I'm Ambrosia.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: You certainly are, Ma'am.

Bull: Those words, all those syllables, it's like... it's like bein' back at school!
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Well, at least that implies that you did *go* to school; this is good.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I despise men who hate women.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: You're angry now. You're angry at me because I'm going to die and I'm going to leave you alone. That's all right. Just don't deny it like you tried to deny the death of your father.


"Sliders: Pilot (#1.1)" (1995)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I think I've just seen God and I could've sworn he was driving a Cadillac.

Wade Welles: Oh man that was so great. It was like better than... than sex.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Well I wouldn't go that far.

Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. I think I've just seen God and I could've sworn he was driving a Cadillac.

Wilkins: Got any rest, gentlemen?
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Oh, yes! I always sleep well with my arms tied above my head, you blithering idiot!

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Bad dream?
Quinn Mallory: I was down in the basement. My mother came looking for me. No matter what I did, she couldn't see me. She's lost Dad, now me.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: You're not lost. You're just misplaced.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Hope for everything. Expect nothing.

[Quinn is doodling vorticies instead of paying attention in class]
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Mr. Mallory, I have devoted years of my life honing my considerable intelligence so that I may impart a subject this complex with some lucidity. You may at least do me the courtesy, sir, to *pretend* that you are listening.


"Sliders: Into the Mystic (#2.1)" (1996)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: How are you feeling?
Quinn Mallory: Like if I died nobody would care.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: There's one constant about every America we visit.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Yeah, the health-care system always sucks.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Madame, to call that quack a quack is to insult every genuine quack in the medical profession.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [quietly to the ohters] Given the fraudulent nature of this man's claims, I suggest a response that harkens back to our childhoods.
[cut to them bursting out the door]
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Run! Run like hell!

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: What was that?
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: A nightingale on medication.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [Rembrandt shoots the snake in the file room where they are] That was quite probably somebody's pet.
[they emerge and confront the witch doctor; Rembrandt shoots him]
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Well done, Mr. Brown. That was the pet's somebody.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I dunno, guys, I mean according to this, O.J. Simpson was tried for a double murder, the Raiders play in Oakload, Cleveland Indians, May, the World Series...
Wade Welles: A lot could've happened since we left.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: *That* much?


"Sliders: Double Cross (#3.2)" (1996)
[Logan has just managed to track the Sliders down at a bar]
Logan St. Claire: Don't look so surprised; you know I could track wormholes. Now give me the coordinates
[tosses Quin her slider timer]
Logan St. Claire: I need so I can return objects without burning them up or
[whips a gun out and points it at Wade]
Logan St. Claire: else I kill her! I have 30 seconds here! Import the coordinates now!
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [steps in front of Wade] Don't bother, Quinn. Without those coordinates, she's stuck here. And heaven knows what they do to killers here.
Logan St. Claire: Don't test me, I'll just take my chance with a good lawyer.
Quinn Mallory: It's done!
[opens portal up]
Logan St. Claire: We'll just see! Come on! Let's go!
Quinn Mallory: I gave you what you wanted! Now let me and my friends go!
Logan St. Claire: *I have to be sure!*
Quinn Mallory: No, Logan, this time you're on your own!
[throws her timer in the portal]
Logan St. Claire: [starts getting sucked in] Nooooooooooooo!
[fires her gun. A bullet shoots straight towards Wade's head but slows and then gets damaged and sucked back towards the portal]
Logan St. Claire: [as she's sucked in] I'll get you for this, Quinn! It's not over! You haven't seen the last of me!
[Logan's sucked in and the portal closes]
Wade Welles: Did you give her the correct coordinates?
Quinn Mallory: No... I programmed a random set for a different dimension.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: So she's lost out there, like us.
Quinn Mallory: [Quinn nods] Yeah, but she said something about tracking wormholes... We going to run into her again?
[Quinn just looks at the camera without answering as we fade to black and end credits]

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Good heavens, the union of San Francisco of Los Angeles goes against the laws of nature.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I'm so sorry.
[knocks a guard out; whispers]
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: So sorry...

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I loathe L.A.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Great minds *do* think alike.


"Sliders: Season's Greedings (#3.12)" (1996)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [Quinn punches a bad guy] Tis better to give than to receive.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Everything here is fake; including me. What the devil am I doing, playing jolly old Santa Claus, contributing to this... fraud on children.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: That last story didn't sound like perpetuating the fraud to me; you were trying to teach the kid a lesson.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Yes, and do you think he heard me?
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Eh, maybe he did.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: No, I don't think so. Look at parents so consumed by consumerism... Oh, dear. All this wretched advertising and, jingles.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: So you're just gonna let 'em down because it's too much work to reach them? Look, you're wearing that suit, it comes with strings attached. You've gotta keep trying.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [sighs] I don't think so.
[the boy from earlier tugs on his sleeve; he adjusts his beard and turns around]
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Yes?
Jason: [choked up] Santa, I broke my little brother's favorite toy and, I-I promised I'd get him a new one, but I never did. Please don't bring me a sockful of coal.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: [long pause; kneels] Did you know that telling the truth has just put on Santa's good list?
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Yes, it did.
Jason: May I hear another story?
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Yes, of course you can. Did I tell you the one about the impudent elf who taught Santa a lesson?

Quinn Mallory: I looked up a few other employees' files and they've all got huge credit lines from a company called Crescent Vista Funding. Carol's in for over six figures.
Wade Welles: But why would a company loan money to people who couldn't pay it back?
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Oh, they will, Miss Welles. They will... with high interest over the entire course of their life. Slavery is another word for it.

Carol: When your father came back to get you, did everything work out okay?
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: We had many good holidays together, but that was a very special Christmas. It was postwar England; no toys to be had anywhere. So, he made me a little wooden car with black wooden wheels and painted it blue. When he gave it to me, I remember, his hand were shaking slightly and I looked up into his eyes and I saw there were tears in them. That was the moment I knew my daddy was home and that he loved me. Best gift he ever could have given me.

Carol: I used all of my available credit to pay someone to smuggle me out. That's how I was able to get Alex to the Flats. Now he won't have to grow up a prisoner, like his mother.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: No, he'll just grow up with the horror of having been abandoned.
Carol: Who are you to judge me? What I did, I did for him.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Carol, listen to me. In the closing days of World War II, I was a small child. My mother took me out to the country to spend some time with some elderly aunts. The second night we were there, the house was bombed. My aunts were killed. I woke up to find the firemen pulling my dead mother off my chest. She had thrown herself over me to protect me, you see. They did not know who I was. They had no way of identifying me. My father was in India, fighting. So, they put me in an orphanage 'til the war ended and he came back to pick me up. For months, every day and every night I wept because I knew I would never see my parents again. All my life, I have lived with the fear and terror of that abandonment. I beg you, don't do this to your child. Don't let your child grow up with that demon.
Carol: I won't. I'm going to pay off my debt, I'm going to have this removed and then, I'm going to get him back.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Look, will you wake up? This system is so set up that you can't possibly pay back the debt. You are always going to have this on your wrist and unless we do something special, you will never get to see your child.


"Sliders: The Fire Within (#3.8)" (1996)
Quinn Mallory: What the hell was that place?
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Maybe it *was* Hell.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: The hell it was.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: You know what I like about America? You work hard, you too could own a Cadillac.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I thought only the British were capable of destroying breakfast.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Oh, evidently they spend more on the entertainment budget here than they do chefs.


"Sliders: Dragonslide (#3.7)" (1996)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Melinda, that which is beautiful is not always good. But that which is good is always beautiful.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Forgive me, Quinn.
[stabs him]

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: You have spent your life in the service of vanity, in the service of Satan. Only true inner beauty will heal, true good, Not exterior beauty. Now if you have any inner beauty left, heal him!

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: How are you feeling, my boy?
Quinn Mallory: For someone who just got stabbed, not bad.


"Sliders: El Sid (#2.5)" (1996)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I have seen no vermin such as that which tries to pass itself off as human in this world.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Friendship's about the only thing you can count on in this crazy world.

Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: I have never seen such vermin as what passes itself off for human on this world.


"Sliders: The Dream Masters (#3.5)" (1996)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: All humans are capable of extended periods of consciousness, Mr. Brown, provided that they have sufficient elephants - uh... sufficient stimulation.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Mr. Brown, I owe you an elephant - uh, an apology.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I'm sorry.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: I was hoping for something a little more like, "I'm sorry that I thought the worst of you, I should have more faith in my friends..."
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I am sorry that I thought the worst of you. I should have more faith in my friends.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: "And I know that you love Wade as much of any of us and would probably give your life to save hers if you could."
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Ditto.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: "And then there're times - "
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [starting to laugh] DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK, MR. BROWN.
[Rembrandt starts laughing; they hug]


"Sliders: The Prince of Slides (#3.9)" (1996)
Wade Welles: I think it's great. It's about time men got to share in the job and the burden of child-bearing.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Oh, I expect men get very excited about sharing the joy of nausea, heartburn, and stretch marks.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: He's not thinking clearly.
Wade Welles: Well, I guess pregnancy affects men that way.
[Arturo laughs]

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I change my mind, Mr. Brown, you can land on me if you want to.


"Sliders: Summer of Love (#1.5)" (1995)
tv commentator: The swarm is now reaching the outskirts of the deserted city. Given the mass of devastation in Southern California it's hard to imagine that anyone could be foolish enough to venture within a hundred miles from this place.
Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: Of course! Who else could possibly be here but us - the happy wanderers!

Mrs. Ezra Tweak: Ever spit on the flag?
Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: Certainly not!
Quinn Michael Mallory: I-I-I-I'd never do a thing like that.
Mrs. Ezra Tweak: How do you feel about the war?
Quinn Michael Mallory: We - don't - follow it much. We have no opinion.
Mrs. Ezra Tweak: [Mouse trap clucks] I see - so you'd have me believe you are real non-political types, right? I won't allow any sympathizing under my roof, understand? This fight ain't just with the Aussies, if South Australia falls, it's jump a hop, skip and a jump to our shores.
Quinn Michael Mallory: Well, we can't have that. Boomerangs and kangaroos everywhere? What a nightmare!

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Impudent yahoos!


"Sliders: Post Traumatic Slide Syndrome (#2.8)" (1996)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [the Sliders find their Arturo chained up in the basement of his double. At first sight, Quinn asks him what he is doing. Raising his chained hands, Arturo answers:] Having a tea party! What does it look like I'm doing?

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [after missing the slide] Oh, my God.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: [to his double] It is a disgrace, sir, to think that we share a common genetic structure!


"Sliders: Last Days (#1.3)" (1995)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Mr. Bennish, if we survive, I promise you this: I will dedicate my life to isolating the gene that makes you so obnoxious, and I will destroy it.

Prof. Maximilian Arturo: The first casualty of sliding is dignity.


"Sliders: Luck of the Draw (#1.9)" (1995)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: There is no such thing as something for nothing.

Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: The more you take, the better your chances? These odds I like!
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: I'd be very careful, Mr. Brown. We know nothing of this world. I suggest we take no more than we see other people taking.
Quinn Mallory: He's right. "When in Rome."
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Yeah, I played Rome in '83. Rome's expensive as hell.


"Sliders: Slide Like an Egyptian (#3.14)" (1997)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: He told me once he dreamt I was his father. I never had the courage to tell him that so often I wished he was my son.


"Sliders: As Time Goes By (#2.13)" (1996)
Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: Nasty French planet, filled with shifty, back-stabbing, croissant-eating nitwits!
Wade Kathleen Welles: Come on Professor, it was only a watch.
Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: Only a watch? That timepiece was probably worth more than the gross national product of Paraguay!
Wade Kathleen Welles: Maybe you should have saved some of those insults for the waiter.
Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: That frog-eating mendicant, I wouldn't waste good material on him.


"Sliders: The Young and the Relentless (#2.11)" (1996)
[first lines]
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Ah, ah! At last a soft landing!


"Sliders: The King Is Back (#1.8)" (1995)
Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: I am not Mr. Pavarotti. Mr. Pavarotti is an Italian. He speak-a like-a this. Do I speak-a like this? No. Why? Because I am an Englishman, you blistering idiot!


"Sliders: Murder Most Foul (#3.13)" (1997)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Where the devil are we, Mr. Mallory?
Quinn Mallory: On our way out, Mr. Doyle.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Doyle?
Quinn Mallory: Uh... Professor.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Are you losing your marbles, my boy?


"Sliders: The Exodus: Part 2 (#3.17)" (1997)
[Arturo's last words]
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Get them home...
Wade Welles: No, hang in there, Professor, you're gonna make it.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Sliders...


"Sliders: Electric Twister Acid Test (#3.3)" (1996)
Wade Welles: I told you we'd never finish the run before the timer hit zero.
Quinn Mallory: So much for makin' a quick ten grand.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: It's probably just as well. The way Mr. Brown was driving, Ah, we'd all have died and then disqualified.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: Oh, yeah, well, who kept yelling in my ear "Faster, faster"?


"Sliders: State of the A.R.T. (#3.11)" (1996)
Wade Welles: I hate to say it, but...
Quinn Mallory, Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown, Prof. Maximilian Arturo: "I've got a bad feeling about this place."


"Sliders: Prince of Wails (#1.4)" (1995)
Wade Welles: [about Prince Harold] How does a guy like this become king anyway?
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: It's the army.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: On the contrary. In fact, history dictates that military elites tend to depose rather than impose in a monarchial hierarchy.
Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: [points down the road at the approaching soldiers] No, I mean: it's the army.


"Sliders: In Dino Veritas (#2.7)" (1996)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: It's ironic, isn't it? At the time of our greatest danger to be deprived of the comforts of platitude and self-deception.


"Sliders: Eggheads (#1.6)" (1995)
Prof. Maximilian Arturo: Intellectual refinement's one thing... moral refinement's something different.