Quotes for
Mike Seaver (Character)
from "Growing Pains" (1985)

"Growing Pains: Weekend Fantasy (#1.7)" (1985)

Ben Seaver: Look, mister - - if you think that machine gun is gonna scare us into buying a set of your lousy encyclopedias, you're mistaken.
Encyclopedia Salesman: [in a tone of huffy arrogance] Actually, this is a *SUB*-machine gun. Which is something you would already know - - IF you had bought a set of my encyclopedias! Can anyone tell me what BRAND of gun this is...? No? THOMPSON. This is a THOMPSON submachine gun. You would have known THAT, also... IF your stingy parents has gotten you a set of my encyclopedias! I tried SO HARD to tell them about how important knowledge is to youngsters. But did they listen? Noooo... they couldn't be bothered! They were too busy - - LAUGHing at me! The whole world... LAUGHS at me.
Ben Seaver: Why don't you take a job as a comedian?
Mike Seaver: [protestingly at Ben, lest he offend the gunman] BEN...!

Mike Seaver: [reading to his siblings from "Great Expectations", and using a humorously-exaggerated English/British accent] My father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Philip, my infant tongue could make of both names nothing longer or more explicit than PIP!
[using the same contrived accent upon hearing the doorbell ring]
Mike Seaver: I'll get it.
Ben Seaver: [in a mildy disappointed tone of having his listening interrupted] Aww... and I was just getting into it!

Slash: Mike! Long time no see, Buddy!
[noticing the other, younger siblings with him, and making a slightly pompous but merely half-hearted show of following the rules of admittance]
Slash: Yo, you dudes got some I.D.?
Mike Seaver: [proudly taking out his parents' clear fanfold of cards and letting it flutter open in a long impressive strip that nearly touched the floor] Here you are, m'man!
Slash: [peering at one of Maggie's cards] Hmmmm... age 47?
[glances at Carol's smooth youthful features]
Slash: Looks pretty good to me.
[seeing Jason's military I.D., then turning briefly to Ben]
Slash: 'Nam, huh?
Ben Seaver: [confidently playing along] Yup!
Slash: How was it?
Ben Seaver: It was HELL!

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The Growing Pains Movie (2000) (TV)

[imitating Carol]
Mike Seaver: Oh, Scott, I think you're oh so dreamy!

Mike Seaver: You're dating the enemy!

Kid: I don't want to flush my poop.
Mike Seaver: Get over it.

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"Growing Pains: Mike's Madonna Story (#1.6)" (1985)

Mike: Nothing happened ok mom! She wanted to sleep with me and I didn't do it. I'm probably gay! You happy now!?

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"Growing Pains: Great Expectations (#3.18)" (1988)

Jason: [Mike wants to go to California to see Melina] But Mike, airfare to California is very expensive.
Mike: I know dad, but Carol is lending me the money.
Jason: Oh, get outta town!
Mike: OK, thanks dad, bye!

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"Growing Pains: Jason's Rib (#2.8)" (1986)

Carol Seaver: That will never work.
Mike Seaver: Sure it will, I saw it on The Cosby Show.
Carol Seaver: Mike, that is a television show. This is real life.

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"Growing Pains: Jimmy Durante Died for Your Sins (#2.17)" (1987)

Mike Seaver: [to Carol] Come on you're my sister, I'm supposed to call you ugly.

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"Growing Pains: Higher Education (#2.12)" (1987)

Eddie: Uhh umm uh, what's your dad's name bone ?
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: Sylvester.
Mike: Wait a minute... Your dad's name is Sylvester Stabone?
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: Who knew!

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"Growing Pains: Jealousy (#1.3)" (1985)

Ben: [to Jason about his science project] But you told me to do something that interests me. Mike and Carol interest me more than mold.
Jason: That's a touching sentiment, Ben. Now cut it out!
Ben: What's with him?
Mike: He doesn't like you, he never has.

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