The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
: Emergency? You mean in the event that the command deck crew was reduced to a fine red mist and splattered across the walls in a bloody mural? Dylan Hunt
: That would qualify, yes. Hohne
: Fascinating. And do such emergencies happen with a degree of frequency or are they a rare occurrence? Dylan Hunt
: Not as rare as I would like. Hello, Mr. Harper. Anything I need to know? Harper
: Not a thing. You're the Captain, all-seeing, all-knowing. It's fine.
: My boss is very impressed with you. Harper
: Your boss? Mr. Tall, Dark, and Scary? The living lava lamp?
: I knew you were gonna stab me in the back! Satrina
: No, Harper. I pretty much stabbed you right in the front.
: God hates me. Trance Gemini
: Don't take it personally.
: Mr. Harper? Harper
: It's freaking Grand Central Space Station around here. Chief Technical Advisor Hohne, fancy meeting you here.
: You know, since we've got a little bit of time here, we might as well find a good way to spend it. I know. I've got this really great game. It's called "Harper Tells Trance Everything So She Can Save His Miserable Life." Would you like to play? Harper
: I hate you. Trance Gemini
: You're just saying that.
: They're cute when they're little. Harper
: Wait a minute, that's only six of them. Satrina
: You can count. I like that in a man.
: Harper? How much do you remember from the last time that stuff was in your brain? Harper
: This isn't about Satrina, is it? You want to know if there are things in that Library about mysterious purple babes with pointy tails? Trance Gemini
: I don't have a tail. Harper
: Not anymore. Trance Gemini
: Harper, please. If there is anything in that Library about me, I have to know it. Harper
: I'll tell you what I remember. I remember this temple with gold etchings, statues, silk wall hangings, even. And all of this on a backwater world that I don't think even exists anymore. Or, maybe the world does exist, but I don't think the civilization exists anymore. Anyway, the point is, there were all these people worshipping a naked purple goddess, and you might say they were a little entranced. Trance Gemini
: That could mean anything. Maybe they like purple. Or, maybe, your memory is even hazier than you thought. Harper
: Yeah, but that doesn't explain why you reacted the way you did when I sang one of their hymns. Remember this little ditty? Trance Gemini
: Shush. Harper, you are my best friend, and because you are my friend, I really need you to listen to me: do not look at the Archive. Harper
: You know Trance, I liked it better when I thought you were harmless. Trance Gemini
: Yeah, me too.
: You know, I'm beginning to think your heart isn't in this. Harper
: Technically, my heart is in my chest, and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much.
: So there's a price on your head. Oh, good, maybe I'll get my money back after all. Gerentex
: If I were you, I'd spend less time trying to plot my downfall and more time trying to guess what I'm going to do with the two of you. Trance Gemini
: Oh, I love playing guessing games. Gerentex
: Haha. Call me a traditionalist, but when I kill someone, I really do prefer it when they stay dead. Now, be quiet, the two of you. I'm trying to think. Seamus Harper
: Don't strain yourself.
: Try me. See if you can wrap your little rat brain around this. You kill her, I kill you. You lose. You kill her and you kill me, the ship blows up. You still lose. Either way, you lose. Trance Gemini
: Uh, excuse me? Can we please discuss the killing her part?
: Hahaha. Well, you know, in this business, you're only as good as your latest scam. My strip-mining venture on Infinity Atoll, my RobotoCourtesan manufacturing plant, the religion I founded. All gone. Forgotten. Pfft. Er, this is the part where you're supposed to say, "Oh, Gerentex, that's so sad." Trance Gemini
: Oh, that's so sad! Seamus Harper
: Oh, you're breaking my freaking heart!
: This enough? Adulasia Stalin
: Definitely. Pleasure doing business with you. Seamus Harper
: If you want pleasure, you're talking to the right guy. Adulasia Stalin
: Thanks, but I prefer my men alive.
: You know, now that the moment is upon me, I must admit to feeling a tad misty. Once I find Tarn-Vedra, all the painful struggle, the years of yearning will finally be behind me. I'll buy a lake, or maybe a small sea. Start a harem of fecund Nightsider females who'll fill the water with furry tadpoles and watch as the strongest of our young devour the weak in the ancient dance of life. Trance Gemini
: Oh, that is so beautiful. Gerentex
: Isn't it? You know, all I've really wanted was a home and a family of my own. To change myself for the better. Seamus Harper
: You want to change your life for the better? Put a bullet in your head. Trance Gemini
: Oh, Seamus Zelazney Harper, you take that back this instant.
: I am so sick of this, you two, with your violence and your threats and your shooting stuff. Neither of you gets it, do you? There isn't enough love in the universe as it is, and you're both just helping to kill off what's left. So shape up, because if you don't show each other a little peace, love, and understanding, I am going to kill you both. Seamus Harper
: Trance, you don't mean that. Trance Gemini
: I do. You know why? 'Cause I could get away with it, because I'm cute. Gerentex
: You wouldn't. Trance Gemini
: Oh, Dylan, it was so horrible. They just... they killed each other right in front of me. And I tried to stop them, really I tried, but I couldn't. Gerentex
: By the sacred lake, she's right. I can just see that High Guard fossil now, hugging her and saying, "Trance, it'll be okay," while, while we lay here dead.
: You know what you've done, don't you? You've kissed off our entire tundra flower monopoly. Our best commodity. Trance Gemini
: No, I haven't. I gave Gerentex a beautiful thing to call his own. Beautiful things can make sad people happy, and bad people good. When you think about it, beautiful things can change the universe.
: Fine, s game of chicken. Let's bring it.
[bounty hunter evades
] Seamus Harper
: Entering slipstream. Woohoo! Damn, I'm god! Gerentex
: Hello? Does anyone remember whose idea it was? Seamus Harper
: Shut up, rat. Just tell me where to go. Gerentex
: I have several suggestions.
: I missed the inspirational speech, but at least I didn't miss the dancing!
: Don't let the Cetus eat us.
: If I don't follow Dylan's orders to kill the Cetus and save the planet, I might as well be dead. Because I failed in my mission. Harper
: All right, you're under the influence of stomach acid, you're not thinking straight. This isn't about following orders or ahh, completing the mission is it? It's about Dylan. Because you think he's dead and you don't think you can live without him, right? Rommie
: I'm programmed to carry out orders. Harper
: Yeah, well, that's where we're different, you see I have a choice and I choose not to allow some stupid broken-hearted suicide especially when you're taking me with ya!
: Now, for those of you haven't heard Harper's plan, here's the nutshell. Rerouting antimatter... to the main thrusters which will, when we power them up, send Cetus to heartburn hell and us in to chunky hurl heaven. It might get a little messy, but at least we'll all live. Beka Valentine
: I'll save us and raise you one. If we eject the Slipstream drive, we'll kill the Cetus, right? Harper
: What is with the death wish? Yeah, sure, if you want to die surfing an exploding vomit wave. Beka Valentine
: Hey, I've surfed the reaction of an exploding star before. I think I can ride out a little Cetus vomit.
: Parlays away, Tyr. This bogey is hostile. Target its vulnerable spots. It does have vulnerable spots, right? Rommie
: Beats me. Harper
: Beats me? Two words I never expected to hear from a warship with a brain your size.
: I'm no one's lunch!
: Deirdre. My Drift-rock darlin'. My Irish Creme. My destiny.
: Never mind she couldn't speak a word of Common, and you don't speak Celtic or whatever that dead language is. Harper
: Oh yea? Try me. Gra iss eine ceapaire. Love is our language. Beka Valentine
: Actually, love is your sandwich, but thanks for playing.
: We shared this thing, this... um... cosmic connection. Beka Valentine
: You shared half a dozen whiskeys and a zero-gravity rhumba.
: I WANT MY ROMMIE!
: Tonight we are offering the Space Roy Rayalf-3 parts gin, 2 parts removed, olives, crushed ice, shaken not stirred and voila! The pub is now open the library is closed.
: So is this the part where you explain to me your diabolical plan? Jeger
: No, it's the part where I open your skull and extract your database by force. Harper
: Oh. Will it hurt? Jeger
: I hope so.
: Who the Hell are you? Dylan Hunt
: No. It's "Who the HELL are you?" and "What are you doing on my ship?"
: Ooh, ooh, Miss Valentine? Beka Valentine
: Yes, Harper. Harper
: This isn't our first field trip, purple company excluded, of course. Beka Valentine
: That is my point. I want you to treat every boarding just like your first one. I want you to double-check everything; hell, triple check it. I'd hate for any of you to end up like Vex Pag. Trance Gemini
: Vex Pag? Rev Bem
: Your predecessor. Trance Gemini
: Oh, he's the guy who retired. Didn't you say he bought a farm? Harper
: The farm. He bought The farm.
: Boss, he's giving me that look again. Trance Gemini
: Rev, don't. Let me get you some steak sauce first.
: You seeing what I'm seeing? Trance Gemini
: A really excited human with a rash? Seamus Harper
: Haha, no, the ship. The Andromeda Ascendant. Right where that furry little twit said it would be. Rev Bem
: You're speaking of our respected employer. Seamus Harper
: Woohoo! You know, I may actually be starting to like that guy. Rev Bem
: No prior claims.
: I'm telling you, the guy is huge. He's like some kind of Greek god or something. Beka Valentine
: Still, there's only one of him. Seamus Harper
: Yeah, but nobody said anything about taking this ship away from anybody, especially somebody so big. It's supposed to be abandoned. Beka Valentine
: Yeah, but if it wasn't for us, he'd still be stuck in that black hole. I think he owes us.
: I am a god. Woo!
: A map. A treasure map. Maybe your future just got brighter, Beka. Maybe my future just got brighter. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Daedalus Five, Rommie. Andromeda Ascendant
: Daedalus five was destroyed by an asteroid three hundred years ago. Seamus Harper
: I told you not to get your hopes up.
: Some actually value wealth of knowledge over material wealth, Harper. Seamus Harper
: And some already have all the knowledge we need. We value silence over stupid opinions. Telemachus Rhade
: So why are you still talking? Captain Dylan Hunt
: Are you two finished?
: It's just like the Bev-o-tron. I press a button, and out comes a cool drink of love. Beka Valentine
: She's a person, Harper, not a Sparky-cola.
: Okay, I know I've been in a loop, which means I've been out of the loop, but is this a time to be playing with dolls? I mean, really, boss, you look silly.
: Saved by the bell.
: Harper, I have been looking all over for you. Seamus Harper
: Liar. You never have to look for anything, Trance. You always find what you're looking for pretty much right away. Trance Gemini
: Okay, so I wasn't looking for you, but as your acting physician I figure that it's time you got some rest. Seamus Harper
: Uh, uh, uh, uh, you never went to medical school, Trance, so you are not a regular doctor. Huh. Trance Gemini
: Lucky for you I'm not a regular doctor, because if I were you'd have been dead months ago.
: Oh dear, this is all my fault. I never imagined the tesseract machines side effects would be so disruptive. Seamus Harper
: I just wish I knew what we did wrong. Rekeeb
: Not did. Will do. These events are emanating from the future. Seamus Harper
: Argh! Höhne
: Oh dear. Seamus Harper
: I wish you'd stop saying that.
: Yeah baby, you'd better believe it. A man makes his own density. Höhne
: Destiny. Seamus Harper
: Yeah, that too.
: Engineer, heal thyself.
Captain Dylan Hunt
: Vexpag? Seamus Harper
: Yeah, another former crewmate. He's dead too. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Dead? Seamus Harper
: Don't worry, it wasn't catching.
: Hey, did you do it? Is it going to work? Seamus Harper
: Is my name Seamus Zelazny Harper? Beka Valentine
: God, I hope not.
: Yeah, boss, no officers quarters around here. You can take old Vexpag's bunk. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Vexpag? Seamus Harper
: Yeah, another former crewmate. He's dead too. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Dead? Seamus Harper
: Don't worry, it wasn't catching.
: Look, why don't you go outside and play while mommy and daddy talk, okay? Seamus Harper
: Fine, fine! If you think you can steal a hundred Nietzschean surface to air missiles and not get stopped, don't let me interrupt. Beka Valentine
: Surface-to-air missiles? Seamus Harper
: Yeah, what? What did you think was in those crates? Beka Valentine
: Computers. I was told we were carrying computers. Seamus Harper
: Okey dokie, I guess I'd better be going now.
: I got a better idea. How about you round up all those warships out there, head to Earth, and blast the Dragan garrison to pieces? Captain Dylan Hunt
: I intend to, after I've drawn the Dragan fleet out of position, and as soon as you and Rommie make sure that all their armored units are out in the streets where they're vulnerable. Seamus Harper
: Great. "Start the revolution without me." Anything else I can do for you? Transmute the elements? Reverse entropy? Make you a sandwich?
: He had to choose: save his fleet and his entire Alliance, or sacrifice them both to liberate a single slave world. Seamus Harper
: But Dylan always keeps his promises. Tyr Anasazi
: Dylan has made a great many promises, and he only has one ship. Now, try and get the people out of the streets. There'll be another time. Seamus Harper
: Another time? I'm just supposed to stop a revolution? There are people bleeding and dying in the streets because they actually think they may have a chance to win for a change. How am I supposed to tell them they're wrong?
: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they laughed at him right up until they slit his throat, and after. Brendan Lahey
: That's true, but in the end, he laughed back. We both heard it, Seamus. He fought. He finally fought! And after that, nothing else mattered. Seamus Harper
: Yeah, especially not to him. Brendan Lahey
: Seamus, you got to let it go. Seamus Harper
: I don't have to let squat go! You don't know what you're talking about. You don't even know what happened. You want to know what really happened? They didn't come for my mother. They came for me, okay? They both died because of me. Brendan Lahey
: I'm sorry, Seamus. Don't you see? This just proves what I'm talking about. Your mother and your father did not die for nothing. They sacrificed themselves to save you, their only son. And it worked. They won.
: What do you want with Brendan? Seamus Harper
: Like I said, I'm his cousin, Seamus. Ozzie
: Funny. Brendan never mentioned a cousin, especially not a collaborator in nice, shiny new clothes. Seamus Harper
: I'm not a collaborator. We're not with the Dragans. In fact, we're actually here to try and help save you from the Dragans. Ozzie
: Yeah, and I'm the second coming of Haile Selassie. Why don't you tell your girlfriend to drop the lance and maybe we'll talk.
: See you later, you big freak. Speaking of which, I haven't been this happy since Tyr left.
: I can't get over that feeling that all I have left now are memories. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Welcome to the club.
: That's a pile of ships. Andromeda Ascendant
: Two thousand one hundred and three to be exact. Seamus Harper
: Like I said, we're about to be neck deep in a big pile of ships.
: How is the bug? Beka Valentine
: The Than. Try to be polite to our guest. Trance Gemini
: She should be clicking and popping by the end of the week. Why do you ask?
Captain Dylan Hunt
: My old engineer called it job security. Seamus Harper
: Smart woman. I've been reading her manuals.
: That would disable our sensors. We'd be blinder than a Nightsider in sunshine. Tyr Anasazi
: Unavoidable, I'm afraid. Seamus Harper
: Don't tell me you're considering this! We may as well poke out our own eyes with knitting needles, or just ram our heads... Captain Dylan Hunt
: Thank you for your input, Mr. Harper.
: Bad move, Mr. Harper. Harper
: Go ahead, snap my neck like a chicken!
: What else did you do? Harper
: Oh, well, it's kind of funny actually. In all the, er, rush to build you, I sort of forgot to make you anatomically correct.
: And why is that, Harper? Because you're such a better match for me? Look at yourself. Your brain is a trillion times slower than mine, and your body? Barely thirty years old and already on its inevitable course toward decay and death. Harper
: Maybe, but there's one thing I got that your little boy toy, here, will never have. I love you. Rommie
: Well, that's the most pathetic thing of all. I might just as easily ask you to love an amoeba. Harper
: I created you. To you I'm supposed to be a god. Rommie
: Well, Harper, you know what happens to gods. They're eventually killed and supplanted by their own children. So, God, get to work.
: From the beginning, what are the ten radical isotopes? Whoa. Doctor Professor Kor-Kavo
: From the beginning, the ten radical isotopes. Tukerium, negative five. Dongor, neg seventeen. Lu, neg thirty one... Kartex, neg seventy nine. Sharbar, neg one oh one. Muilamium, neg one two seven. Seamus Harper
: Isotopes with negative atomic weight?
Captain Dylan Hunt
: There's no time for that. See, I called this conference because we need an exchange of ideas, and you've had firsthand exposure to this situation. We're on the clock here, Harper. Seamus Harper
: I thought we were on a ship.
Doctor Professor Kor-Kavo
: Seamus. Seamus Harper
: Not now... Er, hey, hey! Anyone who claims to be a scientist, listen up. You're not. That's right, you heard me. You're not scientists. You know what we got here? A room full of great minds and weak hearts. A bunch of intergalactic cowards. Where would science be if the great minds before us had been afraid? If Heisenberg had been afraid? Or if Simmonds had been afraid? Hohne? Afraid to ask questions, afraid to face facts, afraid to work together, even under risky conditions? I'll tell you where. We'd still be in caves worshipping those mysterious lights in the night sky. No, they weren't afraid. They were scientists. Now, what about the Magog? Does anybody care? Because I do.
: Hangar deck fifteen. Stowaways in the cargo. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Do we need bells and whistles for that? Thank you. How did they get past our security? Andromeda Ascendant
: I'm detecting the deactivation of an electromagnetic cloaking device. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Nice toy. Mr. Harper, I want one of those. Seamus Harper
: Looks like we just got one.
: I don't expect you to understand, but there are far greater concerns than the crew of the Andromeda. Seamus Harper
: How typically selfless of you. Tyr Anasazi
: Those bones mean more to the future stability of your Commonwealth than any of you can begin to realize. Trance Gemini
: I don't care about the bones.
: You made me laugh. Seamus Harper
: No, I didn't. Tyr Anasazi
: Yes, you did, just not out loud. And I hope you get the chance to do it again. Seamus Harper
: Yeah, we'll double-cross that bridge when we get to it.
: Okay, does this have anything, anything at all, to do with us getting out of here? Flavin
: Yes. Seamus Harper
: Yes! I knew this was our lucky day. Flavin
: And no. Seamus Harper
: I knew we were screwed.
Captain Dylan Hunt
: There's nothing I can do. Beka's on her way to you. Seamus Harper
: Great. Great. Thanks for nothing, pal. See you in the next life. Andromeda Ascendant
: Harper terminated. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Bad choice of words.
: Okay, how did you get in there? Captain Dylan Hunt
: Just living in the present. Seamus Harper
: Okay, don't start talking like Trance.
: Hah, phone home with that, Mata Hari.
: Wow! You got logic chips coming up the quintaflop. What are you, some kind of robot brain scientist rocket surgeon thing? Gabriel
: No, I was a teacher. My whole department was on the Ekatrina, running from one more wave of book burnings. Seamus Harper
: Look, I just fix stuff, OK? This whole empathy thing it's, er, not exactly my strong point, all right?
: Love is merely a trick that DNA plays to replicate itself. Andromeda Ascendant
: I don't have DNA. Tyr Anasazi
: My point exactly. Are the two of you planning to procreate? Will there be a nursery full of little grav sleds and data disks, hmm? Andromeda Ascendant
: Cynic. Seamus Harper
: Well said. You should consider a career as a therapist. Tyr Anasazi
: My first professional recommendation: focus on your work! And stop worrying about your life sized love doll.
: From what I gather, his Kodiak pride was destroyed in a clan war. My guess is he's trying to prove his genetic worth, so he can join a new family. Seamus Harper
: Great. Not just a Nietzschean, but a Nietzschean with a chip on his shoulder. Rev Bem
: Another of the universe's little jokes, at our expense.
: Prep for launch! Now! Seamus Harper
: But Beka and Rev... Gerentex
: Will just have to take care of themselves, won't they? Unless you want to end up like your little purple friend.
: I can't believe it: they're still in one piece. Gerentex
: Forget them! Just get us out of here! Seamus Harper
: Yes, sir, Mister Fearless Leader, sir.
: Oh, that's ceremonial china from the Than ambassador. Seamus Harper
: Really? Sounds like a spool of superconductor wire to me. Rev Bem
: Perhaps you should not watch this. Rommie
: If I don't keep my eyes open, he'll probably sell them.
Captain Dylan Hunt
: That stays. Seamus Harper
: What'd I do? Rommie
: Personal effects of the crew.
: Where is he? Seamus Harper
: I'm sorry, Captain Hunt has stepped away from his desk. Please leave a message after the tone from the funny little guy. Beep! Tyr Anasazi
: [liefts up Harper
] Are you amused? We have at best eight hours before that storm reduces us to component parts, and Dylan has disappeared. Seamus Harper
: I don't know. Ask Rev Bem, maybe he knows. Tyr Anasazi
: He's missing too!
] Seamus Harper
: Try decaf.
: Life support officer Trance Gemini reporting for duty, sir. Seamus Harper
: Suck up.
: He's dying. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Damn. It should've been hours before anyone started feeling the effects. Beka Valentine
: If he was a good little citizen of the Commonwealth, I'm sure he'd be fine. Harper was raised in a refugee camp. He's got a dodgy immune system at the best of times. He sure can't stand up to this radiation bath you've got us soaking in. Captain Dylan Hunt
: How long before his condition becomes irreversible? Trance Gemini
: Four hours, maybe less. Seamus Harper
: Ooo, shiny.
: All right, you want to know what I think? Beka Valentine
: Oh, good, now for another chapter in The World According to Seamus Harper. Seamus Harper
: Hey, my favourite book. Chapter twelve, paragraph eight, verse three. The universe hates you. Deal with it. Beka Valentine
: That's comforting. Seamus Harper
: All right, remember when we heisted those grav speeders on Infinity Atoll, took 'em for a spin? Beka Valentine
: Yeah, sure. Seamus Harper
: Well, the thing that I remember most about those eggbeaters was, I'd be whipping along, and every once in a while I'd hit a swarm of bugs. Poor little bastards just minding their own business, not doing anything wrong, a little bit of bad timing on their part, and splat, all over the windshield. Beka Valentine
: Tragic. Seamus Harper
: Damn straight. The thing is, as far as the universe is concerned, we're all bugs, just hopping along, loving life, until one day fate decides to introduce each and every single one of us to our very own, personalised windscreen. So yeah, maybe Dylan is crazy. Maybe he doesn't have a chance in hell of rebuilding the Commonwealth. And maybe one day something'll come along and splat him too. But we're all going to get splat eventually. Beka Valentine
: Yeah, but you forgot one thing: Dylan is not flying around minding his own business; he's looking for windscreens. Seamus Harper
: Right, but with us on his side, he might just be the only bug alive tough enough to blast right through.
: Harper, we can't just leave him. Seamus Harper
: Very philanthropic, but existential trumps humanism. Sorry, pal. Welcome to Seefra.
: Now, that pain you're about to feel will be the tesseracter disassembling you atom by atom. I know what you're thinking - why is it that bad things always happen to bad people? Well, they don't. I happen. Specifically, I hack in, and you are locked out, maestro.
: She's android, isn't she, but thinks she's human. She was leaking superconductor fluid, but said she saw blood. How does a machine come to think it's flesh and blood? Seamus Harper
: Three reasons: none of your business, none of your business, and none of your business. And don't you dare talk to her about it. Argent
: I guess it's not her business, either. Seamus Harper
: So you're not as dumb as you look.
: Yeah, so how did we get into this mess? Who started it? It couldn't have been Tyr alone, or just the Nietzscheans. Trance Gemini
: The universe is just too big for it to have simply been them. Seamus Harper
: All right, I, for one, don't want to talk about it anymore, okay? And I particularly don't want to talk about the lovable, absentee, not so young and restless Nietzschean you know who.
Captain Dylan Hunt
: Tyr. Rommie
: It's Tyr's slipfighter. Andromeda Ascendant
: It is empty. There is no sign of life. Seamus Harper
: What a surprise, huh? Tyr abandoned yet another ship. So where the hell could he have gone? Captain Dylan Hunt
: It doesn't matter. We did more than we needed to save him. Rommie
: He'll survive. Seamus Harper
: Yeah, I prefer to assume the worst. Beka Valentine
: Tyr's made it through some pretty tough scrapes before. Seamus Harper
: Like I said, the worst. With our luck, he probably made it through this one, too.
: Intruder, identify yourself. What are you doing in my mind? Seamus Harper
: Rommie, it's me, Harper. Rommie
: What is your authorization code? Seamus Harper
: Er, whiskey charlie delta blues?
: My current theory is that somehow, er, an older version of Andromeda's personality profile might've been reactivated and may be taking over the ship. Captain Dylan Hunt
: And how did you figure that out? Seamus Harper
: I think the key thing right now is to repair the problem? We can worry about minor details like assigning blame later. Beka Valentine
: Harper, I'm... Captain Dylan Hunt
: He's right. Worry about that later.
: The enemy destroyer was eliminated, but Castalian casualties are still high. Five of their ships are down. The planet was bombarded. Estimated civilian casualties: five million. Beka Valentine
: That's a lot of sushi. Dylan Hunt
: It's not funny, Beka. Beka Valentine
: Looked pretty darned funny from here. Dylan Hunt
: Look, if you're all finished insulting our allies, might I remind you that the point of these training exercises is to improve their morale, not destroy it. Seamus Harper
: Look, Dylan, if you think Aquaman and the Silver Surfer here are going to help you stop the Magog, you may as well start basting yourself with steak sauce now and avoid the rush.
: Focus, Harper. Nothing's buried itself in our hull yet. Seamus Harper
: Yet: three little letters, so much pain.
: Wait, I'm detecting a Nietzschean task force. Four light minutes away and closing. Seamus Harper
: Ten capital ships, forty fighters? Oh, great. Can I get fries with that?
: Harper, we can't keep trading punches with them all day. Seamus Harper
: So manoeuvre or something. Er, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
: Genius! Who designed these modifications? Trance Gemini
, Andromeda Ascendant
: He did. Saguro
: This is your work. Hmm, we should make babies together. Seamus Harper
: You two, out! Andromeda Ascendant
: No. Trance Gemini
: Whatever. Seamus Harper
: Why does it always take a fantastically beautiful but evil genius to recognize the genius in me? Trance Gemini
: Harper... Seamus Harper
: So many dead that the corpses are routinely used as a source of fuel. But I'm sure one hero with a forcelance can defy the percentages. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Et tu, Rommie? Seamus Harper
: Or he'll nicely heat a two bedroom Flash house. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Okay, okay, thank you both for your optimistic and unwavering support.
: Tyr, we can't just leave her here. She's saved our asses too many times to count. Tyr Anasazi
: So did the Gauss rifle I left behind on Enga's Redoubt, but you don't see me mounting a rescue mission to retrieve it. Seamus Harper
: He's un-freaking believable.
: Harper, be careful. You won't fix anything with a broken neck. Seamus Harper
: Ah, like it really matters when we're twenty thousand leagues under the sea and about to be squished into chunky salsa. On the bright side, at least if I'm going down, I know thirteen little baby Magog who are going down with me. Rommie
: That's it, Harper. Stay positive.
: No, no, no, no, no. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Well, there's got to be an explanation, Harper. Maybe it's one of the new crew members. Seamus Harper
: No. Beka Valentine
: Why can't it be a crew member? Seamus Harper
: For the tenth time, no. Tyr Anasazi
: That was nine. Seamus Harper
: All right, all right. Now, just listen, okay? It's a face I've never seen before, nor care to ever see again. Besides, it was in the wall. New crew members don't hang out in walls. People don't hang out in walls. You know what hangs out in walls? Captain Dylan Hunt
: Mr. Harper, you're tired. Seamus Harper
: All right. For the eleventh time, no. Tyr Anasazi
: That was ten.
: I've got a stupid question. Why don't we just bomb the whole ship stem to stern, kill them all at once? Andromeda Ascendant
: Bomb the ship. Seamus Harper
: Not explosion bomb. Bug bomb. Insecticide. Andromeda Ascendant
: Ah. Metallovores are vulnerable to only one kind of airborne poison. Tyr Anasazi
: Corrosive gases. Seamus Harper
: Oh, that would wipe us out. Captain Dylan Hunt
: A bait station. Seamus Harper
: Yes! I could make them out of Rommie's skin. Andromeda Ascendant
: Excuse me? Captain Dylan Hunt
: Make as many as you can as fast as you can, Harper... Why are you still standing here?
: Yes, sir. Bravely running away, sir.
: What? I thought bug people were our friend. Dylan Hunt
: So did I. Tyr Anasazi
: Which is why I place great stocking in paranoia.
: Gravity sucks. All right. You've got a broken ship, you need a mechanic. You've got a broken ship near a black hole, you need a quantum engineer. Rescuing Dylan from a black hole, again. Trance, I'll need your help.
: Sorry, Beka, it didn't work. Beka Valentine
: What do you mean, it didn't work? It worked before. I saw it. Seamus Harper
: Yes, but... The teleport won't function properly if we don't know Dylan's exact location. Believe me, I tried. We played hide-and-go-teleport with one of Trance's fish in Hydroponics. Beka Valentine
: And? Trance Gemini
: Tuna tartare.
: If you do this and you kill me... Seamus Harper
: We will always think fondly of you. Beka Valentine
: This is so humiliating on so many levels.
: Who-who is this guy? Why is he after us? Doyle
: The Andromeda is worth nothing? To anyone but us who know its operations.
: We saw her first. Open salvage. Finder's keepers. Gaheris Rhade
: Salvage. The Commonwealth sent you. Seamus Harper
: Commonwealth? Wait a minute. You're with the original crew, right? You got stuck in time, didn't you? Oh, man, I got news for you, pal. There is no Commonwealth. There hasn't been a Commonwealth for over three hundred years. Gaheris Rhade
: Then this is a Nietzschean empire. Seamus Harper
: Nietzschean empire? Please, stop, you're killing' me.
[Rhade hits him again
] Seamus Harper
: Ah, Stop it! You're killing' me.
: Look, an AP fusion catalyst isn't exactly a precise weapon, you know? It's not going to work with the fleet scattered halfway across the nebula. Unless you can get 'em all to line up nicely to be incinerated. Gaheris Rhade
: I'll see what I can do. Seamus Harper
: What? You're serious. Gaheris Rhade
: Just get the catalyst working. You do your job, I'll do mine.
Captain Dylan Hunt
: The Vedran sun, Trance's sun, coming to join Tarn Vedra once and for all. Well, Mister Harper, there are a lot of people on those eight planets. Seamus Harper
: And Trance is the star attraction.
: All right, all right, fine. I know a place. No one'll find you, but not another word about the Scouse races. Ocham Sembler
: Scouse me.
: The Witchhead Nebula was THE site of the climactic battle of the Nietzschean rebellion. Tyr Anasazi
: Nietzschean Tactical Offensive. Harper
Captain Dylan Hunt
: They're scattered all over the nebula. Harper
: Exactly. Which means a catalyst is not going to work, unless you can get them all to politely line up to be incinerated. Captain Dylan Hunt
: I'll see what I can do. Harper
: What? Captain Dylan Hunt
: You get the catalyst working. I'll handle the Nietzscheans.
: He's good. Quick on the uptake, smart, completely fearless. He reminds me of... Seamus Harper
: You. He reminds you of you. Beka Valentine
: Then I know I can't trust him.
: You always say that about orbital habitats. You'd rather walk on dirt, I suppose? Seamus Harper
: I prefer the term soil. Rich, moist. Visualize, Beka: the green hills of Earth, purple mountains majesty, and waving fields of grain. Beka Valentine
: Rain, mud, unfiltered air, Magog raids. Thanks, I'll take a nice artificial gravity field. Seamus Harper
: We have nothing in common. Why do I worship you? Beka Valentine
: Uncharacteristic bout of good taste.
: Somebody pinch me and tell me I'm not theta streaming. We - ow! - it's a figure of speech, Rommie.
: What's the matter? You couldn't handle the guy? Captain Dylan Hunt
: Don't be smart. Seamus Harper
: It's hard not to when you're a prodigy.
: Careful, Harper. That is one of Trance's plants. Harper
: I know. Beka Valentine
: She loves them. Harper
: I know. Beka Valentine
: She gives them names. Harper
: Trust in the Harper. The Harper is good. Harper
: And it comes out there. Beka Valentine
: I believe she called that one Walter.
: Miracle, shmiracle. All I know is if my main squeeze, assuming I ever get one, wanted to save me from a black hole? Doomed or not, I wouldn't stand in her way. Beka Valentine
: Maybe. But we know Sarah's plan didn't work. If it did, we wouldn't be here right now. What happened in the past happened. Dylan wasn't saved. His ship was still here three hundred years later when we rescued him, and nothing Sarah's planning can change that. Harper
: All that work, and he's still not going to get to first base. Wait a second. Maybe he can. Call me the love god, baby! Give me an hour, and then tell Dylan to meet me in the hangar deck.
: Does this have to be dressed up in such high drama? God, no wonder the theatre's dead. Seamus Harper
: You haven't met Tyr. I've got an idea, boss. Why don't we take a fake? I could whip one up in... Captain Dylan Hunt
: Harper, you're staying here. Seamus Harper
: What? But I-all right. They also serve, those who stand and wait.
Captain Dylan Hunt
: Mr. Harper, you were willing to take a bullet for me. Seamus Harper
: Well, what else was I supposed to do?
: Attention, unknown lifeforms: we don't want any trouble, so do us all a favor and don't make any. Stand by to receive our contact team. Seamus Harper
: Well, all right then, Mr. No Guns, what's the plan? Captain Dylan Hunt
: Let them in, and now we do what unknown lifeforms are supposed to do in situations like this: tell them, "We come in peace; take us to your leader."
: Well, the sunlight engines are still fine. We could always try the trip in normal space. I mean, it may take a while, but if we start out now... Captain Dylan Hunt
: If we start right now, we'll make it to the first known world in time to meet Beka's great-great-great-grandchild. Seamus Harper
: Just how far out are we? Captain Dylan Hunt
: Trying to shake the Ogami took us clear off the star charts. We're not exactly in the middle of nowhere, but you can see it from here.
: You want some? I could pour it into a spectral analyzer or something. Andromeda Ascendant
: Thanks, but I prefer the logic chips. Seamus Harper
: I can fix that.
: Harper, come on. We're friends. We have no secrets. Seamus Harper
: Oh, okay. What's your natural hair color? Beka Valentine
: I can't tell you. It's a secret.
: That's their Hail To The Chief? It's sounds more like a tuna with a toothache. Rommie
: It works better underwater. Protocol. Remember, the Castalian dignitaries have musical cues for everything. Music for entering a room, for leaving a room, for proposing a toast. And while they're on this ship, we have to respect their traditions. The Castalian Republic is progressive, peaceful, and stable. If they sign the Commonwealth Charter, they provide us with instant credibility. Beka Valentine
: And we provide them with the services of the toughest warship in the known universe. Rommie
: Flatter me all you want. You still have to wear the dress.
: Er, Dylan, you're not going to believe this. Beka Valentine
: Oh, no. You're not going to confess again, are you? Seamus Harper
: I'll resent that tomorrow, but for now, excuse me. Check this out.
: So, road to Grunswick, I'm on foot, guy comes along in a cart, offers me a ride. Beka Valentine
: Sembler? Seamus Harper
: No. I say, sure, why not? I've got a bone spur on my foot. It's kind of gross. You want to see? Trance Gemini
: Oh, no.
: Speaking of short lives. Beka Valentine
: You don't think I'll live long enough to pay my tab? Seamus Harper
: I mean, don't take it personally. Tell you what: on the way out is fine.
: How's my Rommie? Please give me good news. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Let's put it this way. If you don't hear back from me, start hiding. Seamus Harper
: Great. I'll keep a channel open. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Do that. Hunt out. Seamus Harper
: Activate door locks.
: I am living a new life, for the first time; mine to find my own experiences, make memories. I wouldn't trade that for all the stars in the universe. Seamus Harper
: That's a lot of stars. Doyle
: I have a lot of life. Captain Dylan Hunt
: And friends to share it with. Doyle
: To friends. Captain Dylan Hunt
: And to stars in the universe.
: You must be the engineer. Seamus Harper
: Why? Because I'm the short guy with the sense of humour? The wry wit, huh? Because I'm so freaking amiable with the careless demeanour? Is that it? Able Ladrone
: Well, er, that and the tools.
: If your plan resembles anything like run like hell I can name that tune in three notes or less.
: I'm detecting 13 battle cruisers and 11 Geruda class fighters. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Nietzscheans. Rommie
: Drago-Kazov. Seamus Harper
: Whoa, that's my dream. That was my dream! Back when we agreed to escort this lousy Commonwealth convoy deep into the DMZ, we were ambushed by Nietzscheans. Beka Valentine
: Hey, dreamweaver! Before you go all Trance on us, this is not an ambush. That's Nietzschean-on-Nietzschean action.
Captain Dylan Hunt
: Hail them. Rommie
: No response. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Plot an intercept course. Seamus Harper
: Er, boss? Isn't that a little dangerous for a good deed? Captain Dylan Hunt
: We're on the Andromeda, Mister Harper. I like our odds.
: We got you! Oh, did we get him. Look at his face. Okay, you see that? That is why you don't tell him a week ahead of time. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Who put you up to this? Rommie
: Harper overrode my emergency protocols. He said it was necessary for the gag.
: You're doing Flash. I don't believe it. Flash? Beka, come on. You know what that stuff does to people. People kill over that stuff, their family and friends. Did you know that 82% of people on prison planets are Flash addicts? Beka Valentine
: Do you know what? They tell you that kind of stuff just to scare you. Seamus Harper
: Sure, to scare you out of killing your neighbors. Beka Valentine
: Look, I'm not going to pretend this crap is good for me. I know first hand what Flash can. I'm using miniscule doses for a limited time. It's medicine, and it's working. You saw. You heard what Dylan said. Seamus Harper
: If it's such good medicine, why don't you tell Dylan? Beka Valentine
: Because Dylan is Dylan. Dylan wouldn't cheat on his FTA dues. Besides, it's none of his business what I put in my bloodstream.
: Okay, what are the readings on the, er, the up and down thing? Beka Valentine
: The vertical? Seamus Harper
: Right. Beka Valentine
: Spiking at plus or minus five. Seamus Harper
: Okay, so, er, magnetic interference... we need more magnetic interference! Beka Valentine
: We have plenty of interference, Harper. That's kind of the problem. Seamus Harper
: Right, of course. Insulation? We need insulation. Beka Valentine
: Did you sleep enough? Seamus Harper
: Yeah! Yeah, why? Beka Valentine
: I don't know, you're just not your usual quick and quippy self. Seamus Harper
: Oh, I'm just trying to concentrate, you know? Oh, what are the readings on the vertical?
: Seefra to Dylan? Seefra to Dylan. Come in, Dylan. I never asked for any of you to come back, you know. Maybe I did a little at first, but I got by. I got by. I made me a beauty, fabricated some freaks... I did what I had to do to stay alive in this sinkhole. Stinkhole. Three years. But I was going to find my own way out. No Andromeda, no Rommie, no promises. I didn't ask for any of you. I didn't need any of you, and even if I did, I never expected an answer.
[to the carbon block
] Seamus Harper
: You: you lied to me. You made me believe they'd be safe. What's that? You want a little drinky? Okay.
: Are you watching this, Harper? It didn't do that when we touched it. Seamus Harper
: Yes, mistress. Captain Dylan Hunt
: I'm not even going to ask.
: Hmm. Just once I'd like to rescue an ugly woman. Seamus Harper
: And ruin my chances of being smitten by or smoting a beautiful woman? Leave me alone. I can't love straight when I'm in think. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Whatever that means.
: It came to me in my dreams. I guess genius never sleeps. What looks like the Harper sleeping is really greatness at work. True, I almost finished breakfast by the time I realized the note I'd left myself reading - "Remember Celine" - was not referring to what I'd hoped. However, the important thing is... Captain Dylan Hunt
: The upshot, Mr. Harper? Seamus Harper
: Introducing Harper Nanobot 1-0-7. I like to call this model the Ms. Pac-Man. Wowawowawowa. It's an obscure reference to an ancient video game.
Captain Dylan Hunt
: I'm afraid there isn't much upside. Beka Valentine
: Okay, who are you and what have you done with the real Dylan Hunt? Do you remember Mister Help Thy Neighbour, Captain Idealism? That guy would have jumped at this. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Yes, well that guy didn't know the Magog were coming. See, now we have to temper our idealism with pragmatism. Prioritize. Seamus Harper
: He kind of has a point there, Beka. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Thank you, Mr. Harper. Beka Valentine
: Okay, look, I-I see what you're saying, but those freighter pilots? I used to be one of them, hauling rocks from one end of the galaxy to another, just trying to make a living. They don't deserve to be shot at, and they certainly don't deserve to die. Seamus Harper
: All right, Rommie, are you recording this? Because this is like Freaky Friday or something. It's like somebody reversed the polarity on your brain waves. Captain Dylan Hunt
: All right, all right, we'll go, and we'll see what we can do.
: Somebody has to wake Dylan. Trance Gemini
: I'm not waking Dylan. Seamus Harper
: Andromeda? Andromeda Ascendant
: Don't bother - I'm sure he's already awake.
: Surrender, surrender - all his messages are the same. He sounds like an evil parrot. Seamus Harper
: I can't believe I'm going to die at the hands of converging red blips. Beka Valentine
: Wait a second. I think you two might be on to something. Rommie, scan all of Cuchulain's messages for the background noise. Rev Bem
: You don't think he...
: Careful; we need him functional. Seamus Harper
: No, go ahead. Keep it up. Ow! Yeah, that's it, because I ain't helping you. Nobody gets onto the Andromeda without an all-access pass and the boss's approval, and you're not getting either. General Burma
: That's not the other choice, scientist. The other choice is, I fire a missile into the centre of the Seefra One landing port, full of incoming refugees. He may not care about you, but he'll care about the thousands of dead. Either way, Dylan Hunt will feel what it's like to have things taken away from him, like he's taken from me. So it doesn't matter what you choose, scientist. Seamus Harper
: Freaking psycho.
: Of course, without any weapons working, we're dead anyway. Seamus Harper
: Another Nietzschean glass is half empty comment, huh? Telemachus Rhade
: I thought you said you weren't going to make any more Nietzschean jokes. Seamus Harper
: That was last week.
: All right, well, I believe this is the place where I'd say we should forget about Rommie, and move on Harper can always build another android. Seamus Harper
: What? Are you saying we should just forget about Rommie move on and Harper can build another android? Tyr Anasazi
: Yes Seamus Harper
: Forget it Tyr. No way. Rommie's the greatest thing I've ever done even if she did almost break my hand. She's alive Tyr. Come on she's got a life. She's got as much right to life as you do. Tyr Anasazi
: All right. On the other hand I would embrace the opportunity to... uh... Captain Dylan Hunt
: To what Tyr? Tyr Anasazi
: Well, I'd like to crush these creatures into cosmic dust. I'd like to utterly and unequivocably slaughter them. I-I-I-I want to kill them all.
Captain Dylan Hunt
: Is Rommie here? Seamus Harper
: More or less.
: I'm in hyperdrive, boss. Have you in there faster than you can say... Captain Dylan Hunt
: Thank you, Mr. Harper. Seamus Harper
: Thank you, Mr. Harper!
Captain Dylan Hunt
: Trust me. Seamus Harper
: Oh, we trust you. You feel guilty for leaving the Orca homeless. You want to turn foes into friends. You're a nice guy, but Tyr? Beka Valentine
: Tyr only helps those who help Tyr, and suddenly now he needs to save a Pride who swore to kill him? Captain Dylan Hunt
: The only person Tyr wants to save is his wife. Seamus Harper
: What? Andromeda Ascendant
: Approaching the slipstream portal. Seamus Harper
: Who the hell would marry Tyr? Captain Dylan Hunt
: Beka? Beka Valentine
: I'm terrified to ask, but Harper, what were you doing? Seamus Harper
: Push-ups. Dylan/Beka/Trance/Rommie
: No push-ups! Seamus Harper
: Enough with the micromanagement!
: It's not that easy, Trance. Three spiral galaxies, dozens of galactic clusters. There's got to be hundreds of prison planets. Andromeda Ascendant
: Three hundred and forty eight, to be exact. Trance Gemini
: Really. What about that one. Beka Valentine
: Why? Why that one? Trance Gemini
: Well, it's pretty. Tyr Anasazi
: It's pretty. Now there's a solid reason to risk our lives. Seamus Harper
: You have a better idea? Tyr Anasazi
: I'll volunteer. I'll be the third. Seamus Harper
: Trance, no offence, but I think we all remember what happened the last time you tried to pilot the slipstream. You took us back three hundred years in time, into the middle of a humongous space battle, where we, er, fixed the course of history. Trance Gemini
: Lucky for us. Seamus Harper
: That's not the point.
: Long live the true Commonwealth.
: Okay, enjoy your date with data. Don't forget to use a conduit. Captain Dylan Hunt
[Harper just discovered that his infestation with Magog larvae is not a dream
] Seamus Harper
: If you're going to give me anymore of that, "Where there's life, there's hope," crap... Thanks, cause I really need to hear that about now.
: Someone has to get to that panel and open it so we can point this emitter at the tubes inside. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Rommie. Rommie
: Not a problem. Seamus Harper
: Ha, have I ever told you how much I... Rommie
: Psst, you're in a lot of trouble right now.
: I'd love to chat, Dylan, but I got to run. Captain Dylan Hunt
: I'm looking for a stranger. Long black coat. Seamus Harper
: Sort of a tall, short guy, bald with black hair? He went that way.
: This might take a while, Dylan. Don't win that fight too fast. Captain Dylan Hunt
: I'll make a point of it. So what's taking you so long? Seamus Harper
: The problem is this stuff is so old, it predates you. Captain Dylan Hunt
: Oh, that's very funny.
: A smaller chunk of power is used to accelerate more hydrogen in a dozen magnetoplasma dynamic drives, which impart a thrust. A thrust of half a million Newtons or so. So, when you're pushing a kilogram with half a million Newtons of thrust, it's a good idea to keep one hand on your valuables, because you never know when you just might run straight into some two-faced lying jerk. Pish Tryan
: Take him away. Seamus Harper
: Boys, I'm not coming in with you, no matter what you try to say or do. I ride with Dylan to the end!
: Harper, you wanted to know when Doyle's signal reappeared. It has, on Seefra Five. Beka Valentine
: Seefra Five? I don't think so... Seamus Harper
: Thank you, Andromeda.
] Seamus Harper
: I want her to feel included.
: Just let me get a little closer. Trance Gemini
: There is something wrong with him. Beka Valentine
: You're just figuring that out now?