Natalie Green
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Quotes for
Natalie Green (Character)
from "The Facts of Life" (1979)

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"The Facts of Life: Fear Strikes Back (#3.2)" (1981)
Blair Warner: You realize of course you'll have to pick someone else.
Jo Polniaczek: Not on your life, I already got my leather jacket, my boots, and come this Friday night I'll be Easy Rider.
Blair Warner: You can't go as Peter Fonda, he's a man!
Natalie Green: She was always a whiz at biology.
Jo Polniaczek: It's not Peter Fonda, it's what he represents, bikes, freedom.

Edna Garrett: [about the women's safety course] Defense is part of it, anybody interested?
Natalie Green: Not me. I have a silly aversion to being hurled over someone's shoulders.
Edna Garrett: But who knows? Maybe you'll have a chance to do some hurling.
Jo Polniaczek: Ah then count me in!

Edna Garrett: [Natalie comes in with her jacket torn] Natalie!
Blair Warner: What happened?
Natalie Green: I was coming home and I knew it was late so I was hurrying. I wasn't far, Mrs. Garrett, I was almost home!
Blair Warner: Natalie what happened?
Natalie Green: A man grabbed me and I tried to scream but he covered my mouth!
Edna Garrett: My God!
Natalie Green: He pushed me down and he was holding me down. And all of a sudden I heard people's voices, he must've heard them too because he got up and ran away. Mrs. Garrett, if those people hadn't passed by... Mrs. Garrett, I was almost home!

Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Boy Natalie, the next time you ask me to walk home with you, make sure I wear my track shoes.
Natalie Green: It was getting dark.
Jo Polniaczek: At noon? You're right, you never know when a total eclipse is just going to sneak up on you.
Natalie Green: Sure, you can make jokes, but I've had my eyes opened, I know my limitations, I don't think any of you know what it's like to be a woman.
Blair Warner: You're kidding, I'm sure?
Natalie Green: It means that you're weak and helpless, and you don't have a chance out there.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: I wonder how much a sex change costs?

Natalie Green: You can all go to the city and pretend like nothing's happened. But I can't, I know what's out there.
Jo Polniaczek: The world is out there, Natalie! Remember the world? You used to like it.

Natalie Green: I bet everybody in your town knew everyone else, and you never even bothered locking your door.
Edna Garrett: You're right.
Natalie Green: And you were never afraid.
Edna Garrett: Oh I was afraid, especially of the lightning.
Natalie Green: Lightning has nothing to do with a man coming at you from the bushes.
Edna Garrett: Of course not, Natalie, but fear is fear, it has to be overcome. Natalie, you don't really wanna hide behind a locked door all your life?

Edna Garrett: Come with me to the safety class tonight.
Natalie Green: Why should I?
Edna Garrett: Because you'll be doing something. You feel helpless, right? Then take some action, help yourself.

Natalie Green: I think this is great, it's all very entertaining, it just doesn't happen this way.
Blair Warner: [all the girls heckle her] The man's an expert.
Natalie Green: Well I'm an expert too! And when it happened to me, NONE of this would've helped, there was NOTHING I could do to stop it!
Self-Defense Instructor: How about before it happened?
Natalie Green: What do you mean?
Self-Defense Instructor: Was it night?
Natalie Green: Yes.
Self-Defense Instructor: Did you ask someone to walk with you?
Natalie Green: No.
Self-Defense Instructor: Did you stick to a well lighted path?
Natalie Green: No.
Self-Defense Instructor: You used a shortcut?
Natalie Green: Yeah but I've done it a...
Self-Defense Instructor: Did you at least listen for footsteps? Check the area for strangers?

Self-Defense Instructor: Does anybody have a purse?
Lucy: [lifts hers up] Here, it's a mess.
Self-Defense Instructor: May I?
[dumps out contents]
Self-Defense Instructor: There are a lot of things in a purse that can help you. A good place to go for is the throat, keys,
[stabs the air]
Self-Defense Instructor: pencil, hairbrush, or even this.
Natalie Green: A lollypop?
Self-Defense Instructor: [holds it with stick pointed up] You hold it like this and it becomes a dangerous weapon.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Killer candy!
Self-Defense Instructor: Listen when you're really in trouble, all you need is something, ANYTHING that will give you that extra few seconds so you can just get away.

Edna Garrett: Well Natalie, what do you think? Does any of this make sense?
Natalie Green: I guess I should've gone home with the party with the other girls. You know, I had that cane for my Charlie Chaplin costume, maybe I could've used that.
Edna Garrett: Maybe, at least it's an option. That's what these classes are giving us.
Natalie Green: Okay, I've got options, but I'm still afraid.
Edna Garrett: Natalie, everybody's afraid, these are crazy crazy times. But life is still sweet. Don't let your fear paralyze you, use it to make you alert, aware and smart.

"The Facts of Life: Read No Evil (#3.24)" (1982)
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Well I hope you're satisfied, they're never gonna let us in the library again!
Natalie Green: I was upset!
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: You didn't have to yell like that! A library is like a church, it's supposed to be peaceful and QUIET!

Edna Garrett: What's the problem, Natalie?
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Please, don't get her started.
Natalie Green: Okay, I'm IN the library!
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Too late.
Natalie Green: And I'm doing research for a paper, right? OKAY! So I go to the shelf to get last month's Miss Magazine, and it isn't there!
Edna Garrett: So?
Natalie Green: So, I go to the front desk and ask Miss Muldoon if it's been checked out. She tells me the subscription to Miss was cancelled, isn't that strange?
Edna Garrett: A little, considering all the feminists on campus.
Natalie Green: That's what I said! Then she tells me that certain elements of Miss Magazine were considered offensive!
Edna Garrett: Offensive?
Natalie Green: That's what I said! Then I find out books have been taken out of the library too for reevaluation!
Geri Tyler: What does that mean?
Natalie Green: I'll tell you what that means!
Edna Garrett: Censorship.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: That's what I said!

Edna Garrett: Are you sure about this?
Natalie Green: [hands her a list] If you're thinking about checking any of these books out of the library, forget about it.
Edna Garrett: The Fixer, Catch-22, and Slaughterhouse-Five?
Blair Warner: Slaughterhouse-Five, I wrote my term paper on that last year. It was brilliant.
Geri Tyler: That was a good book!
Blair Warner: I was talking about my paper.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Well nobody's going to be writing about it this year.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: How come?
Natalie Green: Because it's offensive!
Geri Tyler: Sounds like book banning to me.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Isn't that illegal?

Blair Warner: If you can't get a book in the library you can always go into town and buy one.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Or wait for the movie to come out.
Edna Garrett: No, that's not the point.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: It's just that with all the stuff we HAVE to read, what's a few less books?
Natalie Green: Nice attitude, Tootie!
Edna Garrett: What did I do?
Natalie Green: This is America! Books are ideas and ideas have a right to circulate! Think of the First Amendment: Freedom of speech, freedom of thought.

Edna Garrett: Well I'm going right to the library and talk to Miss Muldoon.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Don't waste your time. Mrs. G, you know the way things are, you can't beat the system.
Edna Garrett: Jo, if something's going on here that I feel is wrong, I have to speak out. It's a responsibility, not an option.
Natalie Green: You see, Jo? We can't take this lying down.
Edna Garrett: That's right, what're you going to do about it, Natalie?
Natalie Green: What?
Edna Garrett: Come on Natalie, you're the editor of the school paper. Print headlines, write editorials, take it to the people, make some noise, make a lot of noise!

Natalie Green: [Natalie's been fired as the school editor] They can't do that, can they, Mrs. Garrett?
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Sure they can, you're a kid, they want you to be quiet they tell you to shut up.
Edna Garrett: And when you're an adult, they ask you to cooperate.

Natalie Green: Tootie, your parents are lawyers, we're just kids, what can a bunch of kids do?
Blair Warner: Plenty, didn't you ever read Lord of the Flies?
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: But the kids in that book killed each other.
Blair Warner: ...Kids will be kids.

Edna Garrett: I'm angry too, mostly at myself.
Natalie Green: What did you do?
Edna Garrett: I didn't do enough. Oh I encouraged you to write that editorial, I talked about responsibility, commitment, but when push came to shove, I didn't shove back.
Natalie Green: You just thought things would work themselves out.
Edna Garrett: Well... things DON'T just work out, people have to do that, THIS people.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: What're you going to do?
Edna Garrett: What I should've done in the first place. The monthly Board meeting is next week: Mr. Parker will be there, the parents will be there, and I'll be there.
Natalie Green: Mrs. Garrett, let's not be hasty.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: It's going to be just you against all of them.
Edna Garrett: Well, I can be pretty tough when I'm fighting for something I believe in. Besides, what's the worst that can happen?

Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Hey where'd you get the newsletter?
Edna Garrett: Mrs. Schuster gave it to me. Oh girls it's so good to know there are more important things in your life than just 'oh Richard, Richard, Richard'.
Natalie Green: How did you know it was us?
Edna Garrett: Your style is unmistakable, Natalie.
Natalie Green: Yeah. Buffy Klein, eat your heart out.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: We had to do something.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Yeah, we figured the parents had to know what was going on up here.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: So, we printed up a list of the banned books and Nat's editorial.
Natalie Green: Signed your ex-editor.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: And mailed copies to all the Eastland parents.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Wait till Mr. Parker gets the Xerox bills.
Natalie Green: And we put each of the letters in an envelope marked: Notice of Expulsion, so they'd be sure and be opened.

"The Facts of Life: The Source (#4.2)" (1982)
Natalie Green: I had this, idea, I was going to write this really important story for the school paper, for a change.
Blair Warner: Oh I don't know, I really loved your up close and personal look at the bowling team.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Or that story on how Peakskill got its name.
Natalie Green: Stories like that are the reason no one reads the 'Eastlander' anymore.
Jo Polniaczek: My biology class never misses an issue: they're great for the hamster cages.

Natalie Green: [on what her story is about] Abortion.
Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: Natalie, that's a tough subject for a high school newspaper.
Blair Warner: That IS a little touchy, don't you think?
Natalie Green: Of course, but abortion is an important issue and it deserves attention. It's controversial, emotional...
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Exploitable.
Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: Yeah, I hate to think you were doing this just to boost circulation.
Natalie Green: It's more than that, Mrs. Garrett, I wanted to make some waves with this, stir things up.

Natalie Green: What's at stake here is the right of a journalist to protect her sources.
Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: Natalie, I'm sure Mr. Parker respects the rights of a free press, DON'T YOU?
Charles Parker: Well of course I do, but in this case they're beside the point.
Natalie Green: Sure, principles are great as long as they don't inconvenience you.
Charles Parker: I have had nothing but frantic phone calls from parents all day wanting to know if it's their daughter who had the abortion. I think they deserve a better answer than 'Well your guess is as good as mine'.

Natalie Green: I can't tell you who she is.
Charles Parker: Then you'll have to leave school.
Natalie Green: I'll be expelled?
Charles Parker: Suspended. You'll be able to come back when you're willing to tell us the girl's name.
Natalie Green: I'll be expelled.

Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: You can't let this suspension happen, you have to talk to Mr. Parker.
Natalie Green: And tell him I made the whole story up? Let everyone know I lied? Forget it, I'd rather leave school.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Yeah? Like a hero? Natalie, you're not a hero, so stop taking the easy way out.
Natalie Green: There's nothing easy about being suspended from school, it's a cold world out there, Tootie. I'll probably have to get a job, learn a trade.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: It doesn't have to be that way, all you have to do is tell the truth.
Natalie Green: Am I too young to join the Marines?

Annie: You know, I was afraid that this would happen, that you'd tell and it'd wind up being me.
Natalie Green: Annie!... Louise.
Annie: How did you find out, Natalie? There are things in that article that I didn't think anybody knew about. Who could've told you?
Natalie Green: Don't worry, no one at school knows.

Annie: Natalie, if you tell Mr. Parker, he's going to tell my parents.
Natalie Green: Maybe they'll understand.
Annie: You don't know my parents. You know, once when I was learning how to drive, I scratched the door on my dad's station wagon, just a teeny little scratch; to this day he flinches every time he sees it.
Natalie Green: Annie, I didn't mean to make trouble for you.
Annie: You know, when I first read your article it really upset me. It was like going through it all over again. But it was comforting too; I mean, it felt like there was someone out there who understood what I was feeling, and it really helped.
Natalie Green: Please don't make me out to be a hero.

Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: You're just going to have to explain it to Mr. Parker and hope that he understands. You'll have to tell him, that there was no Louise.
Natalie Green: I would, except there IS a Louise.
Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: Wait a minute... I'm getting confused.
Natalie Green: Mrs. Garrett, I just found out that someone right here at Eastland went through almost exactly what I wrote in my article. Mr. Parker's been hounding me for a name and all of a sudden I've got one. Just one name, and I'm off the hook.
Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: Are you, Natalie? You lied, Natalie, you wrote something you knew wasn't true; the fact that a Louise happens to exist doesn't change that.

"The Facts of Life: Seven Little Indians (#8.12)" (1987)
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: I'm glad we're back, that movie petrified me.
Natalie Green: Can I have my arm back now?

Natalie Green: [a loud scream is heard] What was that?
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Nothing, I'm imagining things.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Come on, let's go check it out.

Beverly Ann Stickle: As you can see he must've come in here to blow up the inflatable moose.
Natalie Green: Somehow the antlers punctured the plastic container.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Spilling the horseradish.
Natalie Green: Causing him to slip on the jellybeans.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: And when he opened his mouth to say 'ouch'.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: The rubber cement fell in and finished him off.
Beverly Ann Stickle: Death by Rue Goldberg.

Beverly Ann Stickle: [about how Andy died] What a unique accident.
Natalie Green: Accident? Or MURDER?

Natalie Green: Tootie heard noises outside, didn't she? Some guy looks in the shop, sees Andy and kills him.
Beverly Ann Stickle: I'm going to call the police.
[picks up the receiver]
Beverly Ann Stickle: That's funny, there's no dial tone.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: The storm must've brought the line down.
Natalie Green: Or maybe somebody cut it!

Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Listen, I hear something.
Natalie Green: Again? What are you, a bat?

"The Facts of Life: Let's Party (#4.16)" (1983)
Natalie Green: Why won't my knee stop shaking?

Blair Warner: You know Marshall, there's one thing I've always wanted to do, drive a station wagon! Why don't you give me the keys?
Marshall Ramsey: Hey I took psyche, you all think I'm too bombed to drive, don't you?
Natalie Green: You could've skipped psyche and figured that out.

Blair Warner: Why didn't I leave with Jo? I could've had a perfectly safe ride on the back of her filthy bike.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: I don't know why Jo was in such a rush to leave.
Natalie Green: Because she's smart that's why.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: It's because she doesn't know how to have a good time.
Natalie Green: Like George?

Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: You were in an accident, right?
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: No.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Don't give me that, Marshall was driving and he was drunk!
Blair Warner: Jo, don't yell.
Natalie Green: Blair, my knee won't stop shaking.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Alright, what happened?
Blair Warner: He knocked down a tree.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: A small tree.
Blair Warner: I told Marshall he was going too fast, and then he ran right through a red light.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: It was yellow!
Blair Warner: It was red, Tootie! And there was another car coming, I screamed!
Natalie Green: You screamed?
Blair Warner: And then we went right off the road!
Natalie Green: Why won't my knee stop shaking?
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: It's alright, Nat, just take it easy.
Blair Warner: We could've been killed.

Marshall Ramsey: I still don't know how it happened. They should have warning lights at that crossing.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Marshall, it wasn't your fault, it was just an accident.
Natalie Green: That was no accident, Tootie, that was five beers!

"The Facts of Life: From Russia with Love (#3.8)" (1981)
Natalie Green: I'm going home. I can't cheat Mom and Dad out of two full days of me.

Jo Polniaczek: You lied to your grandparents, you lied to your parents, you're really on a roll.
Natalie Green: It's called survival. Can you imagine how much fun a weekend with grandma would be?
Blair Warner: Oh please, with my mother's 3 marriages I'm an expert on grandparents. When they all come over at Christmastime, it sounds like a bunch of antique cars warming up.
[coughs and hacks]
Jo Polniaczek: I never got to know my grandparents, they all died on me.

Natalie Green: [to Mrs. Garrett about her grandmother] She always says 'don't bother', believe me, BOTHER.

Edna Garrett: Mona? Mona?
Natalie Green: Where is she?
Natalie Green: She's on the floor! Grandma!
Edna Garrett: Oh my God!
[they rush over]
Grandma Mona: Yes...
Natalie Green: What're you doing down there?
Grandma Mona: My, my leg lifts. It's good for the circulation.
Edna Garrett: You have no idea what it's done for mine.

Jo Polniaczek: Hey where's your grandma?
Natalie Green: She's driving me crazy, that's where she is. Can you imagine a woman of her age trying to tell me how to run my love life?
Jo Polniaczek: Oh yeah, she's a real troublemaker. Well I'll tell you, you don't want her, I'll take her, cuz' I could use a grandma.
Natalie Green: Oh yeah you're the type, you'd just love to have some old lady give you advice, pinch your cheeks, worry you're gonna fall off your motorcycle.
Jo Polniaczek: Yeah, I can handle that. At least grandmas don't look for angles like other people, I mean they don't ask for a thing from ya, all they want to do is love you. I'll see you later.

"The Facts of Life: Sex Symbol (#2.11)" (1981)
Natalie Green: From now on it's goodbye Natalie, hello hotlips!

Jo Polniaczek: People are dragging your name through the gutter. I think I'm gonna have to hit somebody.
Natalie Green: Who asked you to defend my honor?
Jo Polniaczek: I think I'm gonna have to hit you!

Blair Warner: He's been saying you're real easy to get along with. If you know what I mean. Real easy.
Natalie Green: Are you saying that he said, that I, that he, that we?

Natalie Green: Is it too early to join the convent?

Nancy Olson: Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Natalie Green: Thanks Nancy, that leaves me a lot of leeway!

"The Facts of Life: The Last Drive-In (#6.22)" (1985)
Jo Polniaczek: What happend here?
Natalie Green: I think Blair decked her.
Jo Polniaczek: You did?
Blair Warner: Well I was just... just... Yeah, I did do the decking!

Tootie Ramsey: Natalie hurry up and change.
Natalie Green: I'm not changing, I worry pajamas the first time I went to the drive-in, I'm wearing them the last.
Jo Polniaczek: Natalie you were five then.
Natalie Green: There's still a little girl in me.

Jo Polniaczek: We'll take Mrs. Garretts car.
Blair Warner: Isn't the back seat just a tad uncomfortable?
Natalie Green: Oh don't worry about it, you'll be in the trunk.
Blair Warner: What?
Natalie Green: Sneaking in.
Jo Polniaczek: It's tradition. Somebodys gotta sneak in.

Natalie Green: [Blair comes in the drive-in after being locked in the trunk, due to the girls forgetting about her] Blair, we're sorry...
Blair Warner: How long were you planning to leave me in there? I waited for the secret knock. After ten minutes, I decided to use the secret scream.

"The Facts of Life: A Slice of Life (#6.2)" (1984)
[repeated line]
Natalie Green: Oh, that's good.

Jo Polniaczek: How're the orders coming?
Natalie Green: 9 down, 3 to go, but we ran out of sauce.
Jo Polniaczek: Tootie! How could you run out of sauce?
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Do I look Italian?

Natalie Green: That was easy.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: It wasn't easy, but it was fun. Jo, I'm sorry I grated my fingernail into the cheese.
Jo Polniaczek: The important thing is we FOUND it.

Natalie Green: [answering phone] Mama Rose's Original Pizzas... oh, and Edna's Edibles.

"The Facts of Life: What Price Glory? (#5.5)" (1983)
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Jeff and I are perfect for each other; he's going to be a star athlete and I'm going to be a star star. We'll have so much to share, the tension, the pressures, the ulcers.
Natalie Green: You're gonna be so happy!

Natalie Green: It's obvious why you're upset, next fall Jeff will be going off to college and you're worried he'll forget about you. But don't worry, he'll write.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: No he won't.
Natalie Green: He will if you write first and ask him lots of questions. Then he has to.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Not if he can't read my letter!
Natalie Green: Come on Tootie, you have neater handwriting than John Hancock.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: This has nothing to do with my handwriting!

Edna Garrett: Tootie, are you saying Jeff has a problem with reading?
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: I babysit for kids who can read better than he can!
Natalie Green: Wait a minute, that can't be right. How has he gotten so far in school if he can't read? How does he pass all his tests?
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: His friends help him. They give him the answers and he memorizes them.
Edna Garrett: His friends, some friends.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Mrs. Garrett...
Edna Garrett: I'm sorry but that really steams me! These so called friends aren't helping him at all, they're cheating him out of his future!

Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Look you don't understand!
Edna Garrett: I understand plenty! Those people don't give a damn about him; Jeff is a star football player, that's all they care, that's all that matters to them.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Mrs. Garrett that's not true! The people who help Jeff care! They care a lot!
Edna Garrett: Tootie, what're you saying?
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: His friend in biology class was sick, and Jeff was desperate so I...
Natalie Green: Tootie, you didn't!
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: But he needed me! And it didn't seem like a big deal. It was just one test in one course. Now he's going to want me to help him on this English test, how can I say no?
Edna Garrett: I don't see how you can say anything else, not if you care; not if you want to get Jeff back on the right track.

"The Facts of Life: The Halloween Show (#5.6)" (1983)
Mr. Bigley: You girls pulling my leg? You know what happened here, the Halloween massacre!
Natalie Green: What massacre?
Mr. Bigley: Guess you don't know. Let me see now, yes, happened back in '05 when this place was the home of the four old maid Gruber sisters.
Natalie Green: Old maid? That's a very sexist term, but go on.
Mr. Bigley: One Halloween night, Gertrude the mean one got into a terrible argument with Heidi and Helga and Fritzi, oh you could hear the dunk-offs and swinehunds for blocks. Suddenly, the voices stopped.
Blair Warner: Why?
Jo Polniaczek: That's where the massacre part comes in, dunk-off.
Mr. Bigley: Yes, oh yes, the way I heard it, Old Gertie gut Heidi and Helga and Fritzi with a big butcher knife. Never heard in what life. So they took Grizzly Gertie away the next day, but people say she never really left, if you know what I mean.

Tootie Ramsey: Mrs. Garrett, I thought you were Grizzly Gertie with that knife!
Edna Garrett: Tootie, why were you sleeping in that chair?
Tootie Ramsey: I was getting nervous, I wanted to sleep closer to the door.
Natalie Green: Mrs. Garrett, your joke worked a lot better last night.
Edna Garrett: What joke?
Natalie Green: Oh come on, last night you were standing over my bed at 3 A.M., sharpening that butcher knife, doing a terrific Grizzly Gertie. "Helga, you will now learn some respect, ja?"
Natalie Green: Good joke.
Edna Garrett: I wasn't in here at all last night, and I'm in no mood for jokes!

Blair Warner: Natalie, you were kidding about Mrs. Garrett coming in here last night, weren't you?
[Natalie shakes her head]
Blair Warner: Well then you were dreaming?
Natalie Green: Hey anything's possible, but when I dream somebody's standing over my bed, it's going to be Rick Springfield.
Tootie Ramsey: Guys, this is serious. What if Grizzly Gertie's spirit really is affecting Mrs. Garrett?
Blair Warner: Tootie, you've been watching too many horror movies.
Tootie Ramsey: This is nothing to do with movies! If Natalie was dreaming last night, what's Mrs. Garrett's slipper doing in here?

Natalie Green: Guys, I've got something to show you, take a look at this.
[takes a plaid shirt out of a trash bag]
Blair Warner: It's hardly you, Natalie.
Natalie Green: It's Mr. Bigley's! I found it in the trash behind the shop, along with this!
[takes out a butcher knife]
Blair Warner: That's strange. I just saw Mr. Bigley's package of bratwurst, he never picked it up.
Natalie Green: I know, that's why I decided to call his motel down the block, you know what I found out?
Jo Polniaczek: I hate it when you play Columbo.
Natalie Green: They're looking for Mr. Bigley too! He was supposed to check out at noon but his luggage is still there along with an airline ticket on a flight that left five hours ago.

"The Facts of Life: Breaking Point (#2.10)" (1981)
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: That kidney will never fit.
Natalie Green: Why not?
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Because it's a liver.

Natalie Green: Where *is* Cynthia?
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Blair probably sent her on a cruise, the Bermuda Triangle.

Natalie Green: It's just so weird, a few days ago we were joking and laughing, now she's gone.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: When someone transfers to another school, she's gone, Cynthia's not gone, she's dead.
Blair: Do you have to make it sound so brutal?
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Dying IS brutal.

Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: I was mad as hell too when my friend Gloria killed herself. I mean, one minute we was splitting a tuna fish sandwich, and the next thing I knew, she was all over Columbus Avenue. No reason, no goodbye, no nothing.
Blair Warner: Well there's gotta be a reason, we just haven't found it yet.
Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: We probably never will. Some kids reach a point where they can't see any other way out.
Natalie Green: At 16, what could be so terrible that it would make you want to stop living?

"The Facts of Life: Store Games (#5.10)" (1983)
Jo Polniaczek: You mean you can change his recipes and orders by the click of a button?
Natalie Green: Sure, piece of cake.
Jo Polniaczek: Yeah we'll screw up his cakes too!

Pete Dawson: Woowie! Something is clearing up my sinuses!
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: [dryly] I'm proud to say that that smell is me.
[holds up papers]
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: I took one more look through his garbage and I found this.
Pete Dawson: That is private garbage!
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: [shows them to the girls] Recipes for Mrs. Garrett's croissants, her strudel and her cheese puffs.
Edna Garrett: [to Pete] So, you were stealing MY recipes!
Natalie Green: That's right, Mrs. Garrett, he used his computer to break into our computer and steal your files.

Natalie Green: Jo, when you used this computer earlier, how did you close it?
Jo Polniaczek: I don't know, I just pressed something.
Natalie Green: You deleted all the files off Pete's computer before saving, as in deleted FOREVER, that means when he goes to look up an order, all he's going to be looking at is a blank screen!

"The Facts of Life: Off-Broadway Baby (#8.5)" (1986)
Cinnamon: Does Cinnamon have one N or two?
Natalie Green: Three.

Natalie Green: ...Deep down she knew she was somebody... she knew she was...
[Looks at what Tootie has written as her name]
Natalie Green: ... Coco Channel?
Tootie Ramsey: I thought a stage name would make me sound more professional.
Natalie Green: Tootie that name doesn't make you professional, it makes you french and dead.

Tootie Ramsey: [trying to come up with another stage name] Ginger Curry...
Natalie Green: Good Tootie, when in doubt, name yourself after a spice rack.

"The Facts of Life: Advance Placement (#5.7)" (1983)
Natalie Green: Mrs. Garrett, put yourself in my place.
Edna Garrett: Okay: I'm failing my classes, the dean just gave me a lecture, my parents are going to hit the roof, I've insulted all my friends... no thanks, Natalie, I don't think I want to be in your place.
Natalie Green: Neither do I.

Natalie Green: I'm ready for college!
Edna Garrett: Why? Because you know how to cruise the student lounge and hang out in the book store? Natalie, if you want to go to college, you have to EARN it.

Natalie Green: Why can't I go to college NOW?
Edna Garrett: Because your grades aren't good enough anymore, Natalie.

"The Facts of Life: The Chain Letter (#5.13)" (1983)
Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: All four of you on one resume?
Natalie Green: We're a package deal.

Natalie Green: [after the inspection] Is it about to hit the fan, Mrs. Garrett?
Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: No, Natalie, I'm too angry to yell.

Natalie Green: I lined the bins, Mrs. Garrett, 5 times, if a roach wants to get in there, he'll need a blowtorch.

"The Facts of Life: Before the Fall (#9.4)" (1987)
Natalie Green: I blew it!
Jo Polniaczek: Well can you blow it someplace else please.

Natalie Green: Give me one reason why I shouldn't jump?
Jo Polniaczek: Does the word, SPLAT, mean anything to you?

Tootie Ramsey: I'm sure with the right instructions and proper training, anyone could make a parachute jump.
Natalie Green: Would you do it?
Tootie Ramsey: Are you crazy?

"The Facts of Life: Big Fish/Little Fish (#5.18)" (1984)
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Natalie, I got some good news. You know how you always said you wanted a kitten?
Natalie Green: Yeah.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Well there's this lady at the drugstore who has a kitten and she wants to get rid of it.
Natalie Green: Tootie, last time Mrs. Garrett was near a cat, her skin broke out, her eyes swelled up and her nose almost fell off.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: It's all in her head, believe me.

Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Nat, I've got it all figured out. If we eat dinner really fast, we can catch the 6:30 show at the movies.
Natalie Green: Natalie, we can't eat that fast.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: We can if we don't chew.
Natalie Green: I don't think so, I've got to study tonight.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Nat, you've been studying all afternoon, what're you going for, all A's?
Natalie Green: Nope, A+s.

Edna Garrett: You know, a few weeks after my father died, some friends took me to the movies to see 'Some Like it Hot'. I laughed for 2 hours, and then I went home and cried for 2 days. I missed my dad so much. How could I have had such a good time?
Natalie Green: I know what you mean.
Edna Garrett: But then I realized, I wasn't forgetting my dad when I was having a good time. I was letting go of some of the pain of losing him. Natalie, it's okay, that's how we get on with our lives.

"The Facts of Life: Crossing the Line (#5.15)" (1984)
Natalie Green: This is so depressing. You go through your whole life thinking you know yourself, then you wake up one morning and find out you're a bigot.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: You're not a bigot, Nat, because if you were, that would mean I was.

Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Maybe you can just take it one date at a time. You can handle one date, you've been on hundreds of dates.
Natalie Green: [pause] 44, and that includes Harvey.

Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: When a black and white couple date, everybody only wonders how the white family will take it, they just think the black family will be thrilled. When one of my aunts married a white man, nobody in the family jumped for joy about it, and when they got divorced, everybody was just glad there were no children!
Natalie Green: Including you?
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: ...I don't know. I never thought I'd feel this way.

"The Facts of Life: Dear Apple (#6.9)" (1984)
Tootie Ramsey: Natalie swore it wasn't that one.
Natalie Green: I didn't swear.
Tootie Ramsey: You put your hand on the bible.
Natalie Green: It was a cook book, I swore on chicken gumbo!

Edna Garrett: What's Jo yelling about up there?
Blair Warner: Oh, she's upset because somebody used up all the hot water.
Edna Garrett: No hot water? That's impossible. It would have had to been running for...
Blair Warner: [maliciously] Hours.
Edna Garrett: Blair?
Natalie Green: You are so wicked!

Natalie Green: [Blair's been trying to psych Jo out, planning her revenge in Jo's presence] Blair, would you mind if I took one little peek? It would mean so much to me.
Natalie Green: [Blair shows her what she wrote and Natalie's stunned] WHOA!
Natalie Green: [noting Jo's annoyed look] Sorry. She's such a pro.
Natalie Green: [Blair takes the paper with her plan on it and goes upstairs with Natalie following her] Have you given any thought to the logistics? I don't think they can send that through the mail.

"The Facts of Life: Two Guys from Appleton (#6.17)" (1985)
Kevin Metcalf: This is so unlike my father, when he says be here on the tenth, he's here on the tenth.
Natalie Green: Today's the ninth.
Kevin Metcalf: Oh you're kidding.

Natalie Green: [Trying to impress a guy who likes to ski] I live for the slopes!
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Natalie, you can't ski.
Natalie Green: I'm just a little rusty.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: You slow down by dragging your face.

"The Facts of Life: A Death in the Family (#5.17)" (1984)
Natalie Green: The shop is called Edna's Edibles right? So why not make an edible float?
Jo Polniaczek: That's dumb.
Tootie Ramsey: Listen to her, all of Natalie's good ideas sound dumb.

Evie Green: Your father's dead. It's a terrible thing, but it's what's happened.
Evie Green: Oh honey I know, I know.
Natalie Green: I can't believe he's gone! What am I going to do without him? What's going to happen to us? Mom, I'm so scared!
[runs into her mother's arms]
Evie Green: Baby, it's going to be alright. We're gonna be alright.

"The Facts of Life: Tootie Drives (#7.14)" (1985)
Natalie Green: Don't sulk Tootie. People who sulk and drive cause more accidents than any other single group.

Tootie Ramsey: [Tootie is asking everyone to teach her to drive] Blair?
Blair Warner: I'd love to Tootie, if only I didn't have a fear of Volkswagens.
Natalie Green: You have a fear of volkswagens?
Blair Warner: That I'll be seen in one.

"The Facts of Life: Growing Pains (#3.1)" (1981)
Natalie Letisha Sage Green: I said I was sorry!
Blair Warner: I cannot believe you spilled a half a bottle of $30 wine.
Natalie Letisha Sage Green: It was an accident!
Joanna 'Jo' Marie Polniaczek Bonner: It ate the wax right off the floor.
Blair Warner: Well, at least we have another bottle upstairs.
Natalie Letisha Sage Green: Count me out, I feel awful.
Joanna 'Jo' Marie Polniaczek Bonner: Well, you should. You swallowed half a can of pineapple chunks and a jar of maraschino cherries, I got sick just watching you.
Natalie Letisha Sage Green: Well, it tasted good at the time!

Joanna 'Jo' Marie Polniaczek Bonner: I'll get some beer.
Natalie Letisha Sage Green: How will you get beer?
Joanna 'Jo' Marie Polniaczek Bonner: I'll get some beer.

"The Facts of Life: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? (#4.19)" (1983)
Tootie Ramsey: What is it?
Natalie Green: Something just crawled up my leg!
Tootie Ramsey: Wishful thinking. Go to sleep.
Natalie Green: No, Tootie, I saw it, something huge, like a racoon or a rat!
Blair: Don't be ridiculous.
Natalie Green: I saw it jump off my bed and scamper across the room. We're being overrun, it's the day of the animals!
Tootie Ramsey: Take it easy, it's probably just a cute little squirrel. They're always running around the yard.
Natalie Green: I'm out of here.
Tootie Ramsey: Natalie, hey, relax. If there is a squirrel in here, all we have to do is leave the window open. He'll find his way out again.
Natalie Green: Not good enough, move over.
[climbs into the top bunk with Tootie]
Tootie Ramsey: What? There's no room!
Natalie Green: I don't want some hideous creature...
Tootie Ramsey: God's creatures!
Natalie Green: Great. I don't want one of God's creatures hibernating in my nightie. Now move over!

[last lines]
Edna Garrett: Can you imagine what that family thinks of Americans after tonight? They'll probably go back to France and never want to visit the United States again.
Edna Garrett: [Begins smiling maliciously after a pause] Boy. That squirrel really flew out of the box, didn't it?
Natalie Green: [all the girls begin smiling] Zoom.
Jo Polniaczek: Flew through the air like Evil Knievel.
Tootie Ramsey: And did you see the way Marie jumped on that table and refused to come down?
Edna Garrett: SHE flew through the air like Evil Knievel!

"The Facts of Life: The First Time (#9.16)" (1988)
Natalie Green: Last night, Snake and I slept together.

Natalie Green: Just stop being so wishy-washy and tell me what you think!

"The Facts of Life: Adventures in Baileysitting (#9.9)" (1987)
Blair Warner: Aunt Natalie, why don't you tell us how we are today?
Natalie Green: We are suicidal!

Blair Warner: Aunt Natalie, how are we today?
Natalie Green: We are suicidal.

"The Facts of Life: A Royal Pain (#4.12)" (1983)
Natalie Green: [Mrs Garrett entered the cafeteria] What are you doing up?
Edna Garrett: Oh, I needed something for my stomach. I took a few leftovers to bed and they're not sitting too well.
Jo Polniaczek: Did you eat my mousse?
Jo Polniaczek: I'm sorry Jo. I mean reeaally sorry. That mousse is just sitting there, antlers and all!

Natalie Green: [Tootie gets up in the middle of the night to go after Alex, but steps on Natalie] Ouch!
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: I'm sorry, I forgot you were there.
Natalie Green: What are you doing?
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Shhh! Go back to sleep.
Natalie Green: I would, but you're standing on my face!

"The Facts of Life: Small But Dangerous (#5.9)" (1983)
Kelly Affinado: You guys aren't giving me a chance.
Natalie Green: Why should we, so you can make fools out of us some more, so we can entertain you? Why don't you just get cable?

Natalie Green: How old are your brothers and sisters?
Kelly Affinado: 12, 10, 9.
Tootie Ramsey: I just love big families.
Kelly Affinado: [continuing] 8, 6, 6, they're the twins, and 3.
Natalie Green: Wow, don't your parents have a TV set?
Kelly Affinado: That's the same thing the welfare lady asked.
Tootie Ramsey: Welfare lady?
Kelly Affinado: Oh hey, it's nothing bad, my dad didn't run out on my mom or nothing, he just hasn't worked in 2 years.

"The Facts of Life: Gamma Gamma or Bust (#5.3)" (1983)
Tootie Ramsey: I call this diplomacy in action.
Natalie Green: Diplomacy in action? Are you mad woman?

Blair Warner: And these are her little helpers, Natalie and Tootie.
Natalie Green: The reindeer are outback.

"The Facts of Life: The Christmas Show (#5.12)" (1983)
Natalie Green: Parents are unreliable, sometimes they think for themselves.

Edna Garrett: [holding a flyer she put an ad in] That stupid Merchant's Association! Look! Look! Look what they did to my ad!
Natalie Green: Edna's Corral.
Edna Garrett: They got us mixed up with the Puppy Corral down the street!
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Oh yeah, look at their ad. 'Edible Puppies'. Ewwww!
Edna Garrett: You think that's bad? Look, look, look at this: 'Edna's Holiday Special. Fresh Schnauzers, only $8.95!' Without advertising, what am I going to do with the eighty-two fruitcakes that are left?
Natalie Green: Feed 'em to the schnauzers!

"The Facts of Life: Shoplifting (#2.6)" (1980)
Blair Warner: I was born with good taste.
Natalie Green: You're lucky, I was born bald.

Natalie Green: [about Jo] If she gets caught, we'll be accessories.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: How can we be accessories? We're in sportswear.

"The Facts of Life: Fast Food (#8.9)" (1986)
Natalie Green: Have you been sexually active lately?
Blair: Is that on the form?
Natalie Green: No, but I thought I'd ask.

Natalie Green: Name?
Blair Warner: Whoopie Goldberg. You know my name.
Natalie Green: Address Miss Goldberg?

"The Facts of Life: Daddy's Girl (#4.8)" (1982)
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Natalie, every IRS agent is not out to get you.
Natalie Green: You're right, this one's out to get Blair.

"The Facts of Life: The Affair (#3.17)" (1982)
Natalie Green: [talking to her father after he was caught cheating on her mother] Are you really sorry you did it or sorry you got caught?

"The Facts of Life: Less Than Perfect (#9.18)" (1988)
Natalie Green: Jo where've you been? You missed a fabulous dinner. Tootie made it! And we ate it!

"The Facts of Life: A Friend in Deed (#3.4)" (1981)
Jo Polniaczek: [bursting into the kitchen with Natalie hot on her heels] I need a clock! Mrs Garrett, I'm taking your egg timer. I'll take this for a fuse.
[begins unraveling some string]
Jo Polniaczek: I'll get this stuff together, and then I can make some stuff up in the science lab!
Edna Garrett: [half heartedly] What are you doing, making a bomb?
Natalie Green: [desperate] Yes, YES!
Edna Garrett: WHAT?
Jo Polniaczek: I'm gonna roll it through their front door, and POW! BOY, POW! Dead Kawasakis all over the street!

"The Facts of Life: Kids Can Be Cruel (#3.20)" (1982)
Natalie Green: You're looking at zero self image here with heavy psychiatrist bills in the future!
Blair Warner: And heavy doctor bills right now.

"The Facts of Life: Ain't Miss Beholden (#4.1)" (1982)
Natalie Green: [looking over prospective scholarships Jo could apply for] The Sven Erickson Foundation. To be awarded to a student of Norweigan ancestry whose father is a member of the plumber's union.
Jo Polniaczek: I don't think I qualify.
Edna Garrett: Ah. The Judith Gehart scholarship. To be awarded to any young woman who promises to live chastely and give up sins of the flesh.
Jo Polniaczek: I don't think I wanna qualify.

"The Facts of Life: The Ratings Game (#8.7)" (1986)
Natalie Green: Blair, how would you feel if men sat around all day rating you?
Blair Warner: I'd love it.
Tootie Ramsey: But it's so de-humanizing.
Blair Warner: Not when you're a 10.

"The Facts of Life: Big Time Charlie (#7.22)" (1986)
Tootie Ramsey: Look at this, the shoes match the belt, the shirt match the pants, the pants match the scarf...
Jo Polniaczek: Could you die from over coordination?
Natalie Green: Ask Blair.

The Facts of Life Reunion (2001) (TV)
Mrs. Edna Garrett: So, where's Jo?
Natalie Green: Not here yet.
Blair Warner: Oh, lets not get our knickers in a twist, she'll be here.

"The Facts of Life: Sisters (#6.23)" (1985)
Natalie Green: Do you know what this means?
Tootie Ramsey: Okay Natalie, what does it mean?
Natalie Green: It would mean, that Jo Polniaczek and Blair Warner would be sisters!

"The Facts of Life: Doo-Wah (#7.7)" (1985)
Andy Moffet: You should sing a song that's really sexy. You know a song with alot of moaning in it.
Natalie Green: This contest is being sponsored by a teen magazine, I don't think they're into moaning.
Andy Moffet: Well then could you just sing it for me?

"The Facts of Life: Take My Finals, Please (#4.22)" (1983)
Natalie Green: Replugging a plug is a simple thing!
Tootie Ramsey: You know I'm not mechanical!

"The Facts of Life: E.G.O.C. (Edna Garrett on Campus) (#6.8)" (1984)
Natalie Green: Film Appreciation class? Thats tough. Right up there with calculus, physics.
Blair Warner: It's a tough course Natalie. Have you ever tried to take notes in the dark?

"The Facts of Life: Concentration (#7.18)" (1986)
Jo Polniaczek: I have a journal full of useful inventions, but do I get an award?
Blair Warner: For what?
Jo Polniaczek: Well for one, my magnetic toothpaste cap. It always returns to the tube.
Natalie Green: Why didn't you ever do anything with it?
Jo Polniaczek: It only worked if you were facing North.

"The Facts of Life: Love at First Byte (#6.3)" (1984)
Natalie Green: Because of me, you two are meeting your perfect match.
Blair Warner: Perfect? He's not even blonde.

"The Facts of Life: Into the Frying Pan (#7.2)" (1985)
Blair Warner: [Trying to decide on a name for their shop] It should apply to our situation...
Natalie Green: How about, 'Trapped with an irritating rich girl'?

"The Facts of Life: Ready or Not (#8.3)" (1986)
Tootie Ramsey: We're not little girls anymore. We don't sit around in our pajamas sipping hot chocolate and telling secrets.
Natalie Green: Yes we do!

"The Facts of Life: Dieting (#1.7)" (1980)
Cindy Webster: [all the girls are discussing dieting] How about you, Nat? Are you gonna try to be pencil thin?
Natalie Green: Who wants to be a skinny pencil? I'd rather be a happy Magic Marker!

"The Facts of Life: Green-Eyed Monster (#3.12)" (1982)
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: I bet you were the one who put Pine Sol in my prop shampoo bottle. While I washed that man right out of my hair, I could have scrubbed the sink too!
Natalie Green: The yellow one was your shampoo bottle? What a silly mix-up. I guess that means Mrs. Garrett was Sassooning the kitchen floor.

"The Facts of Life: Working It Out (#6.15)" (1985)
Natalie Green: A healthy dose of paranoia is what gets you through life.

"The Facts of Life: Mind Your Own Business (#3.21)" (1982)
Natalie Green: Are you about the fly in the face of rule number nine? No answering other people's phone calls.
Blair Warner: Easy for you to say, you never get any.

"The Facts of Life: The Sound of Silence (#4.3)" (1982)
Geri Tyler: [Tootie is having trouble hearing] What did the doctor say?
Tootie Ramsey: I don't know.
Natalie Green: You couldn't hear him?

"The Facts of Life: 3, 2, 1 (#7.10)" (1985)
Blair Warner: I'll be sitting down, the audience won't be able to see this outfit!
Natalie Green: I'm sure they won't mind if you stand on your chair.

"The Facts of Life: The More the Marrier (#9.7)" (1987)
Natalie Green: They don't allow us to take personal phone calls at work.
Blair Warner: How would they know it's personal?
Natalie Green: Most people don't do business with a guy named Snake.

"The Facts of Life: The Little Chill (#8.6)" (1986)
Nancy Olson: I'm three months pregnant.
Natalie Green: You're pregnant?
Blair Warner: Don't tell me, the butler did it!

"The Facts of Life: Runaway (#3.18)" (1982)
Blair Warner: [sitting in a grungy coffee shop] Look at the clientele. There's only one man in the whole place wearing a suit.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Oh, you mean the pimp.
Blair Warner: [Blair and Natalie look] He's a pimp? Where's his fur coat and his cigar, and his purple hat?
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Maybe it's his first day.
Blair Warner: [about the girls sitting at a table nearby] I suppose you're gonna tell me those are his "pimpettes"?
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: You got it.
Natalie Green: [they look again] You mean hookers?
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Your basic.
Blair Warner: They can't be!
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Just watch.
Blair Warner: [everything takes place just as she says it] You see him talking and smilin' on the phone there? He's talking to one of his customers. Now he's gonna hang up. Now he's gonna motion to one of his girls. Now she's gonna find out where she has to meet the customer. And there she goes.
Natalie Green: Wow. That's fantastic Jo. Let's get out of here.
Blair Warner: I'm with Natalie.

"The Facts of Life: Star at Langley (#5.19)" (1984)
Blair Warner: You don't get to be Blair Warner by being insecure.
Natalie Green: Right, that's how you get to be Natalie Green.

"The Facts of Life: The Way We Were: Part 1 (#5.25)" (1984)
Blair Warner: [after Blair has accidentally tripped over Jo's engine and brakes it] Maybe Jo won't notice.
Natalie Green: Dream on.

"The Facts of Life: Starstruck (#3.15)" (1982)
Edna Garrett: We'll have to find, replacements for, Tootie and me.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: [Angrily] I don't believe it, I don't believe, you actually letting Tootie, to get away with this!
Blair Warner: I didn't realize, all someone had to do, to get their way is, to throw a tantrum.
Natalie Green: Me neither, I've got to work on my, kicking and screaming.
Edna Garrett: This wasn't a tantrum, girls.
Blair Warner: All I know, is that I turned down a fabulous date to be here,tonight. We all have, better offers, well...
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: [Cuts Blair off] Don't, say it!
Blair Warner: The point is, we promised we'd be here, and we're here.
Edna Garrett: You're absolutely right, Blair. We all, committed ourselves, to this fair and, we all should honor it.
Natalie Green: [Concerned] And, why are you, letting Tootie go to the concert?
Edna Garrett: Because,I just don't know, what else to do.
Natalie Green: You don't know, what to do?
Natalie Green: Mrs. "always a snappy answer" Garrett doesn't know, what to do?
Edna Garrett: Girls, you didn't see her. She was, hysterical. Oh, she was gonna get to that concert, if she had to jump out of the window, and run all the way, to the city.
Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Come on, Mrs. Garrett, not Tootie.
Edna Garrett: That's right. Not, our Tootie. But right now, she's not our Tootie. She's become...
Blair Warner: [Completes Mrs. Garrett's sentence about Tootie] Fanatic. Well, that's what the word fan, comes from. My mother, told me that, when I threaten to leave home for, King Hussein.
[chuckles and mumbles]
Natalie Green: Mrs. Garrett, there is nothing wrong, with a little healthy idol worship. Didn't you ever freak over, anyone.
Edna Garrett: Sure, I swooned over Frank Sinatra. But, this is something else. I remember, these films people crying and screaming, over The Beatles. They were all in such a... frenzy.It scared me. Well, that's the way I felt, just now, with Tootie
Blair Warner: Do you think, taking Tootie to the concert's, gonna help?
Edna Garrett: At this point, it's the only thing I can do.

"The Facts of Life: Bus Stop (#6.25)" (1985)
Natalie Green: People need to be exposed to the real world.
Blair Warner: Natalie that's a myth.

"The Facts of Life: Double Standard (#2.3)" (1980)
Harrison Andrews: I came to return Jo's shoe.
Natalie Green: What'd you do with the rest of her?

"The Facts of Life: Post-Christmas Card (#8.14)" (1987)
Natalie Green: The saleslady assured me this outfit makes me look crisp.
Jo Polniaczek: That's great... if you're a potato chip.

"The Facts of Life: Man in the Attic (#6.21)" (1985)
Natalie Green: Do you know how hard is to be nice all the time?
Blair Warner: Do I...

"The Facts of Life: The New Girl: Part 2 (#2.2)" (1980)
Natalie Green: When are we going to have time to breathe?
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Let alone sleep. On a regular night I need 8 hours, if I'm dreaming I'm messing around with Michael Jackson, then I need 9.

"The Facts of Life: With a Little Help from My Friends (#6.18)" (1985)
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: Do we have a theme?
Natalie Green: No theme today Tootie.
Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey: You know before I start any new endeavor, I like to have a theme.
Natalie Green: Is bankruptcy good enough for you?

"The Facts of Life: It's Lonely at the Top (#6.24)" (1985)
Natalie Green: I don't believe this, I'm working for minimum wage, and I'll allowing myself to be tested... in hairnets!

"The Facts of Life: Younger Than Springtime (#8.21)" (1987)
Charlie Polniaczek: All you girls look wonderful. What's your secret?
Natalie Green: It's the water. We don't drink it.

"The Facts of Life: Up from Down Under (#9.6)" (1987)
Pippa McKenna: G'day mate. Sorry to lump on you like this, is Mrs. Garrett here?
Natalie Green: Mrs. Garrett, no she's not with us anymore.

"The Facts of Life: Men for All Seasons (#7.5)" (1985)
Natalie Green: When a swimmer gives you his noseplugs, it really means something.
Blair Warner: It means he knows nothing about hygiene.

"The Facts of Life: New York, New York (#3.19)" (1982)
Natalie Green: We rank don't we Tootie?
Tootie Ramsey: We are sooo rank!

"The Facts of Life: Peekskill Law (#9.14)" (1988)
Tootie Ramsey: Try visualizing the audience naked.
Pippa McKenna: Could Tom Cruise be in the front row?
Tootie Ramsey: Pippa, this is for Natalie.
Natalie Green: She's right, could Tom Cruise be sitting in the front row?

"The Facts of Life: The Four Musketeers (#3.16)" (1982)
Natalie Green: Don't call me a geek!
Tootie Ramsey: I'll call you anything I want!

"The Facts of Life: Magnificent Obsession (#4.13)" (1983)
Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: She's still sitting there.
Tootie Ramsey: She's been like that for over an hour.
Natalie Green: You don't think Chad could of stood her up do you?
Jo Polniaczek: No she's early.
Mrs. Edna Ann Garrett: She's what?
Tootie Ramsey: Now do you see why I'm so worried? Blair was born two weeks premature and hasn't been early for anything since!

"The Facts of Life: Where's Poppa? (#8.10)" (1986)
Beverly Ann Stickle: Did you get the job?
Natalie Green: I drove all the way down to that newspaper and do you know what they wanted me to do, they wanted me to write a story!
Jo Polniaczek: you're kidding, then what were they gonna do, print it?