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Quotes for
Philip Drummond (Character)
from "Diff'rent Strokes" (1978)

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"Diff'rent Strokes: Sam's Missing (#8.1)" (1985)
Pearl Gallagher: Nobody wants to eat but I've got to stay busy. I know, I'll dust the furniture.
Philip Drummond: Pearl! There's no furniture.
Pearl Gallagher: Oh right!

Philip Drummond: Maggie now listen, this has been going on for over a month, we just have to move into a hotel. I feel like a squatter in a construction site.
Maggie McKinney Drummond: Philip honey it is not that bad, you haven't tripped over anything in at least three days.
Philip Drummond: Wrong! This morning I tripped over a two by four and sprained my... never mind.
Maggie McKinney Drummond: Well dear, your never mind will heal. Besides, the workmen will be out of here before you know it.
Philip Drummond: Maggie look, the World Trade Center went up faster than this banister.

Maggie McKinney Drummond: Philip, I don't give a damn about those chairs!
Philip Drummond: Look Maggie, I don't either, but until we get Sam back we can't just bury our heads in the sand and pretend we don't exist. Look I miss him too, but sitting on the floor isn't going to bring Sam home any sooner.

Philip Drummond: Arnold, you don't have anything to feel guilty about.
Arnold Jackson: I can't help it, Dad.
Philip Drummond: Well we all feel guilty, I keep wondering what if I had never let Sam go out in the street alone? What if I'd told him to scream if he ever got in a jam? What if? What if? What if? None of it's going to help, Arnold.

Pearl Gallagher: [bringing out her soup pan] Mr. Drummond, the painter dropped...
Philip Drummond: Pearl, I don't want to hear about it and I don't want to eat it.

Philip Drummond: Excuse me.
Sally Winkle: I'm sorry about the potato chip display, it fell prey to a four foot twin pack terror.
Arnold Jackson: Sam!
Philip Drummond: The little redheaded boy?
Arnold Jackson: Floppy haircut? Super cute?
Sally Winkle: They're not cute when they attack my chips, but that is the culprit.

Philip Drummond: [about Sam] Look, he's overdue at home. Did you see which way he went?
Sally Winkle: Yeah, he left with his father.
Arnold Jackson: Huh?
Philip Drummond: What?
Sally Winkle: Yeah.
Philip Drummond: That's impossible. His father lives in Nashville.
[takes out a picture]
Philip Drummond: Is this the boy?
Sally Winkle: That's the kid alright.
Philip Drummond: Oh my God. Arnold this is terrible.

Philip Drummond: What is it, Arnold?
Arnold Jackson: I just had Sam on the phone, he gave me this phone number!
Philip Drummond: What?
Officer Fernandez: Good work, Arnold, you handled that like a real pro. Come on, Mr. Drummond, we'll get Harris to trace this number.

Sam McKinney: [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE: The police sweep into the Brown residence, grabbing Don and his family. Sam charges Drummond, who enters behind the cops, and they hug] Hey, Mr. D...! Did you have any trouble finding this place?
Philip Drummond: [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] Not after you gave us their number... I hope you didn't think we were gonna give up looking.
Sam McKinney: [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] Boy, I'm really glad you could come get me in person; sorry the others couldn't. I'm sure it wasn't for lack of trying...
[They exchange another hug; then, abruptly, Sam looks very unhappy]
Sam McKinney: ... Well, I guess this is where you ask me what we've learned, if nothing else.
Philip Drummond: [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] All right, Sam, let's get that out of the way. What *have* we learned, if nothing else?
Sam McKinney: [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] That anybody who *really* had a dog missing wouldn't be talking to *me* about finding them. They'd be talking to the police - which is what *I* wanna do, instead of going with someone I never met before. Heck, I'm better off playing in traffic than doing *that*.
Philip Drummond: [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE: Drummond chuckles, getting the point] ... That's good enough for me, Sam.
[They hug each other again]

"Diff'rent Strokes: Speak No Evil (#8.8)" (1985)
Willis Jackson: Come on, Dad, what's on your mind? It's about that fight with Arnold and Maggie, isn't it?
Philip Drummond: Maggie's no problem, she's an adult, we've had a lot of disagreements together. But Arnold has me worried, I've never seen him so upset.
Willis Jackson: I've never seen you so upset, not even when we painted your bathtub our school colors.
Philip Drummond: Thanks for the memory.

Arnold Jackson: Dad, have you heard about the League for Social Responsibility?
Philip Drummond: The hate group?
Arnold Jackson: Yeah, well they hate black people and other minorities.
Philip Drummond: Isn't that league having a rally... oh yes, now I understand the reference to flying fruit.
Dudley Ramsey: Flying rotten fruit.
Arnold Jackson: Yeah we're gonna shut them down, it's gonna be great.

Arnold Jackson: Dad, how am I supposed to disrupt the meeting?
Philip Drummond: You're not!
Arnold Jackson: Why not? You know these people are planning to ship blacks out of the country, or worse?
Philip Drummond: Look, I know this bunch is despicable, but the Constitution guarantees their right to speak. That's part of the First Amendment, that's what makes America so special.
Arnold Jackson: First Amendment, they don't believe in that First Amendment or any of the others.
Philip Drummond: That doesn't matter, if we're allowed to take away their rights, what's to stop another group from coming along and taking away ours? They have a right to speak.
Arnold Jackson: But they hate me just because of the color of my skin!

Philip Drummond: Now Arnold, I'm telling you as your father...
Arnold Jackson: My father would be out there throwing fruit with me and wouldn't bother taking it out of the can!
Philip Drummond: [firmly] Arnold...
Arnold Jackson: I don't have to listen to you, you're not my real father anyway.

Maggie McKinney Drummond: Arnold, this does not require a whole lot of talking, throwing fruit is dead wrong.
Arnold Jackson: Big surprise, Mrs. Drummond is siding with Mr. Drummond.
Maggie McKinney Drummond: Arnold, come here. Listen, if it were me, I'd raise such a ruckus that the League would be sorry they ever set foot in this town, and let me tell you if there's anything you can do short of holding up the bigots and...
Philip Drummond: Maggie, hold it! What're you saying?
Arnold Jackson: Dad, let her finish!

Philip Drummond: Look Maggie, if you take away these people's rights, you are stooping to their level.
Maggie McKinney Drummond: Philip, the Nazis took advantage of Free Speech to gain power and THEN they abolished it. We would've been better off if somebody HAD stooped to their level and tried to stop them!

Philip Drummond: [about his travel agent] Arnold, you know Mrs. Gordon, she's helping us decide between Paris and Nashville.
Arnold Jackson: Any place in Japan is fine with me.

Philip Drummond: Arnold you don't have to be a mindreader to realize I don't approve of what you're planning to do.
Arnold Jackson: Well what about the League is planning to do? They're sleazeballs!
Philip Drummond: Sleazeballs definitely, but that doesn't give you the right to throw fruit at them to keep them from speaking.
Arnold Jackson: You're right, vegetables are better.

"Diff'rent Strokes: A Growing Problem (#5.13)" (1983)
Philip Drummond: Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the handsomest of them all? What? Well you could've lied a little.

Willis Jackson: I'm going to this party at Jerry's, and it's BYOB, you know what that means?
Philip Drummond: Sure, it means hand me that bottle.
Willis Jackson: But Dad...
Philip Drummond: HAND-me-that-bottle.
Willis Jackson: I didn't even have to tell you, I could've just done it and you would've never found out.
Philip Drummond: Right, but you're too honest for that.

Willis Jackson: What about your party? You're gonna be late.
Philip Drummond: It can wait, it's only a charity affair, that chicken can't get any colder than it is.

Philip Drummond: How is he?
Arnold Jackson: Well, kinda hard to tell with Willis, his face always looks like he has his shorts on backwards.

Willis Jackson: Jerry and I were in this really bad car accident. I was lucky I just came out with a few scratches.
Philip Drummond: Are you sure?
Willis Jackson: Yeah I'm fine.
Philip Drummond: Well thank God you're alright, how'd you get home?
Willis Jackson: The police brought me.
Philip Drummond: Well come on sit down over here. Now tell me what happened.
Willis Jackson: We were leaving this bar, and I guess Jerry had a few too many. And he ran this red light and this big truck, I didn't see it coming, it just plowed right into us.
Arnold Jackson: How's Jerry?
Willis Jackson: He's real bad, he's in a coma. They wouldn't let me see him, the doctors said there's nothing I can do and to go home. This is my home, isn't it? Dad, I want to come back, can I?
Philip Drummond: Of course, son.

"Diff'rent Strokes: Mr. T and mr. t (#6.1)" (1983)
Philip Drummond: I wonder where Arnold wandered off to.
Kimberly Drummond: It's not like him to miss a good meal.
Philip Drummond: It's not like him to miss a bad meal.

Willis Jackson: Hey Dad, what a spread: quiche, steak, lobster, pork chops...
Philip Drummond: I still don't know how Mr. T got it all into one sandwich.

Stanley Pearlburg: [Mr. T picks Philip up and swings him over his head during a rehearsal] Perfect, throws him against the wall and he stomps on his head and he mashes his face!
Philip Drummond: Hold it, time! Would you put me down, please?
Mr. T: What's the problem?
Philip Drummond: I'm just afraid you'll strain yourself.
Mr. T: Are you kidding? My gold chains weigh more than you do!

Philip Drummond: If your mother isn't feeling better, you just take off all the time you need.
Pearl Gallagher: Oh thanks, fortunately it was nothing serious, but I still don't understand why she was riding around on that motorcycle.
Philip Drummond: Motorcycle?
Pearl Gallagher: Mm-hm, I always thought she meant her false teeth when she said she was having trouble with her choppers.

Philip Drummond: Shouldn't I have makeup?
Stanley Pearlburg: Well you don't need it for rehearsal but go ahead if it's something you normally wear around the house.
Philip Drummond: Not really, oh maybe occasionally a little eyeliner.

"Diff'rent Strokes: The Election (#2.14)" (1980)
Philip Drummond: [reading Willis' comment in the paper] If God had meant for us to smoke He would've given us chimneys on our faces instead of noses.

Jerry Fuller: You can't do this to me. The election's only three weeks away, what'll I do for a candidate?
Philip Drummond: Oh that'll be easy. You just find this Jewish fellow married to an Italian wife, and they adopt a couple of Puerto Rican and Chinese kids and just happen to have an elderly black housekeeper with an Irish boyfriend.
[Adelaide and the kids come out and cheer him on]
Willis Jackson: That's telling him, Dad.
Adelaide Brubaker: I heard that over the hill remark, sonny!

"Diff'rent Strokes: The Spanking (#1.5)" (1978)
Philip Drummond: [punishing Arnold] Arnold, I'm afraid there's just one solution. This calls for a spanking.
Arnold Jackson: A spanking? There ain't enough for me to spank.

"Diff'rent Strokes: The Ski Weekend (#4.7)" (1981)
Kimberly Drummond: See that? You don't trust me!
Philip Drummond: Okay, I'll drive you to the recruiting office. I was wrong to permit you to come up here in the first place.
Kimberly Drummond: Only because you still think I'm a baby!

"Diff'rent Strokes: Movin' In (#1.1)" (1978)
Philip Drummond: [meeting the boys for the first time] Welcome, Gentlemen!
Willis Jackson: [confused, looking behind them] You talking to US?
Philip Drummond: Of course.
Arnold Jackson: How 'bout that, Willis? Downtown 2 minutes and already we're gentlemen.

"Diff'rent Strokes: The Fight (#1.9)" (1979)
Philip Drummond: [after seeing Arnold's black eye from fighting with "The Gooch"] Arnold, I want to know. Did you go down there to talk or didn't you?
Willis Jackson: All right, Mr. Drummond. Arnold went down there to talk with his fists.
Arnold Jackson: And my fists had NOTHING to say!