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: Come on, Dad, what's on your mind? It's about that fight with Arnold and Maggie, isn't it? Philip Drummond
: Maggie's no problem, she's an adult, we've had a lot of disagreements together. But Arnold has me worried, I've never seen him so upset. Willis Jackson
: I've never seen you so upset, not even when we painted your bathtub our school colors. Philip Drummond
: Thanks for the memory.
: Dad, have you heard about the League for Social Responsibility? Philip Drummond
: The hate group? Arnold Jackson
: Yeah, well they hate black people and other minorities. Philip Drummond
: Isn't that league having a rally... oh yes, now I understand the reference to flying fruit. Dudley Ramsey
: Flying rotten fruit. Arnold Jackson
: Yeah we're gonna shut them down, it's gonna be great.
: Dad, how am I supposed to disrupt the meeting? Philip Drummond
: You're not! Arnold Jackson
: Why not? You know these people are planning to ship blacks out of the country, or worse? Philip Drummond
: Look, I know this bunch is despicable, but the Constitution guarantees their right to speak. That's part of the First Amendment, that's what makes America so special. Arnold Jackson
: First Amendment, they don't believe in that First Amendment or any of the others. Philip Drummond
: That doesn't matter, if we're allowed to take away their rights, what's to stop another group from coming along and taking away ours? They have a right to speak. Arnold Jackson
: But they hate me just because of the color of my skin!
: Now Arnold, I'm telling you as your father... Arnold Jackson
: My father would be out there throwing fruit with me and wouldn't bother taking it out of the can! Philip Drummond
] Arnold... Arnold Jackson
: I don't have to listen to you, you're not my real father anyway.
Maggie McKinney Drummond
: Arnold, this does not require a whole lot of talking, throwing fruit is dead wrong. Arnold Jackson
: Big surprise, Mrs. Drummond is siding with Mr. Drummond. Maggie McKinney Drummond
: Arnold, come here. Listen, if it were me, I'd raise such a ruckus that the League would be sorry they ever set foot in this town, and let me tell you if there's anything you can do short of holding up the bigots and... Philip Drummond
: Maggie, hold it! What're you saying? Arnold Jackson
: Dad, let her finish!
: Look Maggie, if you take away these people's rights, you are stooping to their level. Maggie McKinney Drummond
: Philip, the Nazis took advantage of Free Speech to gain power and THEN they abolished it. We would've been better off if somebody HAD stooped to their level and tried to stop them!
: [about his travel agent
] Arnold, you know Mrs. Gordon, she's helping us decide between Paris and Nashville. Arnold Jackson
: Any place in Japan is fine with me.
: Arnold you don't have to be a mindreader to realize I don't approve of what you're planning to do. Arnold Jackson
: Well what about the League is planning to do? They're sleazeballs! Philip Drummond
: Sleazeballs definitely, but that doesn't give you the right to throw fruit at them to keep them from speaking. Arnold Jackson
: You're right, vegetables are better.
: Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the handsomest of them all? What? Well you could've lied a little.
: I'm going to this party at Jerry's, and it's BYOB, you know what that means? Philip Drummond
: Sure, it means hand me that bottle. Willis Jackson
: But Dad... Philip Drummond
: HAND-me-that-bottle. Willis Jackson
: I didn't even have to tell you, I could've just done it and you would've never found out. Philip Drummond
: Right, but you're too honest for that.
: What about your party? You're gonna be late. Philip Drummond
: It can wait, it's only a charity affair, that chicken can't get any colder than it is.
: How is he? Arnold Jackson
: Well, kinda hard to tell with Willis, his face always looks like he has his shorts on backwards.
: Jerry and I were in this really bad car accident. I was lucky I just came out with a few scratches. Philip Drummond
: Are you sure? Willis Jackson
: Yeah I'm fine. Philip Drummond
: Well thank God you're alright, how'd you get home? Willis Jackson
: The police brought me. Philip Drummond
: Well come on sit down over here. Now tell me what happened. Willis Jackson
: We were leaving this bar, and I guess Jerry had a few too many. And he ran this red light and this big truck, I didn't see it coming, it just plowed right into us. Arnold Jackson
: How's Jerry? Willis Jackson
: He's real bad, he's in a coma. They wouldn't let me see him, the doctors said there's nothing I can do and to go home. This is my home, isn't it? Dad, I want to come back, can I? Philip Drummond
: Of course, son.
: I wonder where Arnold wandered off to. Kimberly Drummond
: It's not like him to miss a good meal. Philip Drummond
: It's not like him to miss a bad meal.
: Hey Dad, what a spread: quiche, steak, lobster, pork chops... Philip Drummond
: I still don't know how Mr. T got it all into one sandwich.
: [Mr. T picks Philip up and swings him over his head during a rehearsal
] Perfect, throws him against the wall and he stomps on his head and he mashes his face! Philip Drummond
: Hold it, time! Would you put me down, please? Mr. T
: What's the problem? Philip Drummond
: I'm just afraid you'll strain yourself. Mr. T
: Are you kidding? My gold chains weigh more than you do!
: If your mother isn't feeling better, you just take off all the time you need. Pearl Gallagher
: Oh thanks, fortunately it was nothing serious, but I still don't understand why she was riding around on that motorcycle. Philip Drummond
: Motorcycle? Pearl Gallagher
: Mm-hm, I always thought she meant her false teeth when she said she was having trouble with her choppers.
: Shouldn't I have makeup? Stanley Pearlburg
: Well you don't need it for rehearsal but go ahead if it's something you normally wear around the house. Philip Drummond
: Not really, oh maybe occasionally a little eyeliner.
: [reading Willis' comment in the paper
] If God had meant for us to smoke He would've given us chimneys on our faces instead of noses.
: You can't do this to me. The election's only three weeks away, what'll I do for a candidate? Philip Drummond
: Oh that'll be easy. You just find this Jewish fellow married to an Italian wife, and they adopt a couple of Puerto Rican and Chinese kids and just happen to have an elderly black housekeeper with an Irish boyfriend.
[Adelaide and the kids come out and cheer him on
] Willis Jackson
: That's telling him, Dad. Adelaide Brubaker
: I heard that over the hill remark, sonny!
: [punishing Arnold
] Arnold, I'm afraid there's just one solution. This calls for a spanking. Arnold Jackson
: A spanking? There ain't enough for me to spank.
: [meeting the boys for the first time
] Welcome, Gentlemen! Willis Jackson
: [confused, looking behind them
] You talking to US? Philip Drummond
: Of course. Arnold Jackson
: How 'bout that, Willis? Downtown 2 minutes and already we're gentlemen.
: [after seeing Arnold's black eye from fighting with "The Gooch"
] Arnold, I want to know. Did you go down there to talk or didn't you? Willis Jackson
: All right, Mr. Drummond. Arnold went down there to talk with his fists. Arnold Jackson
: And my fists had NOTHING to say!