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: I'm going to the meeting of the League for Social Responsibility. Mr. Lopez
: Oh really? Arnold Jackson
: Yeah, they're my main man. Mr. Lopez
: Since when? Arnold Jackson
: Since, as long as I can remember. Charlie
: Probably even longer. Mr. Lopez
: Arnold, you realize of course the League does have very strong racial positions. Arnold Jackson
: Racial, yeah I know, hey I'm even thinking about joining the Brothers. Mr. Lopez
: Is that so? Arnold Jackson
: Yeah, right on! Mr. Lopez
: Arnold, they hate black people.
: Yeah but guys, you can only fling a tomato so far. What else can we use to bean these bigots? Dudley Ramsey
: Hey, my mother's got a zucchini that's been in our fridge so long it walked from one shelf to the other. Arnold Jackson
: Hey that's perfect! Now a zucchini is perfect, you can use it like a dart, it's perfect for distance and accuracy. Sam McKinney
: But you gotta be careful with zucchinis, if they're too gushy they'll come apart in your hand, and if they're not rotten enough they won't squash when you hit a girl. Then she'll have a chance to throw it back at you. Arnold Jackson
: Exactly, now Sam if you were going throwing fruit, uh at girls, what would you use? Sam McKinney
: Well, my friends prefer cantaloupes, seasonal but effective. They maintain their trajectory and when they hit they go PWEW all over the place.
: Dad, have you heard about the League for Social Responsibility? Philip Drummond
: The hate group? Arnold Jackson
: Yeah, well they hate black people and other minorities. Philip Drummond
: Isn't that league having a rally... oh yes, now I understand the reference to flying fruit. Dudley Ramsey
: Flying rotten fruit. Arnold Jackson
: Yeah we're gonna shut them down, it's gonna be great.
: Dad, how am I supposed to disrupt the meeting? Philip Drummond
: You're not! Arnold Jackson
: Why not? You know these people are planning to ship blacks out of the country, or worse? Philip Drummond
: Look, I know this bunch is despicable, but the Constitution guarantees their right to speak. That's part of the First Amendment, that's what makes America so special. Arnold Jackson
: First Amendment, they don't believe in that First Amendment or any of the others. Philip Drummond
: That doesn't matter, if we're allowed to take away their rights, what's to stop another group from coming along and taking away ours? They have a right to speak. Arnold Jackson
: But they hate me just because of the color of my skin!
: Now Arnold, I'm telling you as your father... Arnold Jackson
: My father would be out there throwing fruit with me and wouldn't bother taking it out of the can! Philip Drummond
] Arnold... Arnold Jackson
: I don't have to listen to you, you're not my real father anyway.
Maggie McKinney Drummond
: Arnold, this does not require a whole lot of talking, throwing fruit is dead wrong. Arnold Jackson
: Big surprise, Mrs. Drummond is siding with Mr. Drummond. Maggie McKinney Drummond
: Arnold, come here. Listen, if it were me, I'd raise such a ruckus that the League would be sorry they ever set foot in this town, and let me tell you if there's anything you can do short of holding up the bigots and... Philip Drummond
: Maggie, hold it! What're you saying? Arnold Jackson
: Dad, let her finish!
: Look, this has to do with prejudice, you know people of different races and different colors not getting along. Sam McKinney
: But the blacks and whites and all the other colors in my class all get along, and you and me get along, and that's not easy with your personality. Arnold Jackson
: Sam, the rest of the world is not like you or me or your class. There're people out there who hate you just because of the color of your skin. Sam McKinney
: Yeah the teacher talked to us about that the other day, it didn't make too much sense. Arnold Jackson
: Alright, what if they said little redheaded kids with freckles couldn't eat in the cafeteria anymore? Sam McKinney
: That'd be fine with me, Hamburger Hangar has much better food. Arnold Jackson
: Alright, what if you went there and they said you couldn't go in there either? Sam McKinney
: I'd go there anyway. Arnold Jackson
: What if there were 6 big bullies with baseball bats there waiting to tell you to go somewhere else? Sam McKinney
: But they can't do that! I'm allowed to eat there so long as I don't spoil my appetite for dinner. Did you say six bullies?
: [about his travel agent
] Arnold, you know Mrs. Gordon, she's helping us decide between Paris and Nashville. Arnold Jackson
: Any place in Japan is fine with me.
: I can't go on a vacation with Dad right now. Sam McKinney
: But Arnold, who am I going to terrorize bell captains with? And who's going to help me get kicked out of museums?
Maggie McKinney Drummond
: What kind of a family are we going to be if we can't hang around each other anymore? Arnold Jackson
: Ah, don't worry about that, Sam, no matter what happens, this family will always stick together. Who else would want us?
: Arnold you don't have to be a mindreader to realize I don't approve of what you're planning to do. Arnold Jackson
: Well what about the League is planning to do? They're sleazeballs! Philip Drummond
: Sleazeballs definitely, but that doesn't give you the right to throw fruit at them to keep them from speaking. Arnold Jackson
: You're right, vegetables are better.
: Rumor has it that the old man's ghost still walks the old house. Arnold Jackson
: Oh come on, Mr. Owens, there're no such things as ghosts. C.W.
: Right, no ghosts, that's what I thought, until that night, when these eyes saw something, and they haven't been the same since! Well, it was one stormy night, I was walking my dog, Rotunda, by the old Markwell place, he saw something down by the cellar and he chased it. Well, we glanced in, worst thing I ever did, I came face to face with the ghost of Clarence MARKWELL!
] You're all doomed! Sam McKinney
: Arnold, are you a ventriloquist? Arnold Jackson
: No. Sam McKinney
: Then I hope he's talking about you! Clarence Maxwell
: I am!
: [hears creaking
] Don't worry, it's just the house settling. Sam McKinney
: I hope it settles for a turkey leg instead of a redhead.
: [after a green ghost explodes on them
] Ugh, I've been slimed!
: Ouch! Arnold Jackson
: Ouch? Ghosts don't go ouch! Clarence Maxwell
: No but people do!
: How do you make friends with a ghost? Introduce him to a sheet?
: Arnold, the turkey leg's gone! Arnold Jackson
: Dad! Maggie! Oh how come there's never a parent around when you need one?
: I've heard about your wonderful inventions, Mr. Markwell, it's really a pleasure to meet you. And all these years everyone thought you were gone. Arnold Jackson
: Why did you pretend you were dead? Clarence Maxwell
: I wanted to help people, instead it just seemed that everything I made ended up being used for war, and not helping mankind at all.
: I don't want anybody hanging around the actors and bugging them for autographs, that's my job!
: Wow, your cousin is a knockout! Dudley Ramsey
: She is? It's hard to tell when you're related.
: [looking at his Mohawk in the mirror
] Oh they're right, I look ridiculous, like a porcupine died on my head.
: [knocks and enters Arnold's bedroom
] Can I come in, Little T? Arnold Jackson
: Sure, Big T. Mr. T
: I thought we might have a little talk, you know, like head to head.
: I'm really flattered that you tried to look like me to impress that girl. Arnold Jackson
: I even glued some hair onto my chest.
[pulls his shirt open
] Mr. T
: Wow, that's more than what I got!
: If you want to get somewhere in life, or with a girl, you can't go around copying someone else. You've got to be your own original. Arnold Jackson
: That's easy for you to say, you've got a lot more to work with. You're like a mountain, I'm more like a speed bump.
: I never met anybody like you before in the world, man you outrageous. Arnold Jackson
: You really think so? Mr. T
: Definitely, so just be yourself. But remember though, you can't force girls into liking you, of course I can, but that's another story. Arnold Jackson
: Then what should I do? Mr. T
: Do? Man don't do anything, if a girl don't like you
] Mr. T
: that's her loss, but I'm sure you'll find plenty that will. Arnold Jackson
: You really think so? Mr. T
: Hey, I'm positive. So you just be yourself, play it cool, and let the chicks fall where they may.
: Now you come on downstairs and watch me film this scene. I'm gonna stomp on this guy, I'm gonna mash his head to the carpet, I'm gonna break off his legs. Arnold Jackson
: You're gonna do all that? Mr. T
: Yeah we're doing something new on The A-Team, less action and more heart.
: [Arnold has just dropped a water bomb from the balcony
] See ya later! Arnold Jackson
: Where ya goin'? Willis Jackson
: Where you ain't! I don't wanna be around when they lay the charge on you. Arnold Jackson
: What charge? Arnold Jackson
: Assault with a wet weapon!
: [punishing Arnold
] Arnold, I'm afraid there's just one solution. This calls for a spanking. Arnold Jackson
: A spanking? There ain't enough for me to spank.
: [after seeing Arnold's black eye from fighting with "The Gooch"
] Arnold, I want to know. Did you go down there to talk or didn't you? Willis Jackson
: All right, Mr. Drummond. Arnold went down there to talk with his fists. Arnold Jackson
: And my fists had NOTHING to say!
: [Arnold refuses to fight the school bully
] Alright, Arnold. Then I'll just tell Mr. Drummond what a coward you are. He'll talk some sense into you. Think he wants a coward for a son? Arnold Jackson
: Awww Willis, please don't say anything to him. Willis Jackson
: Well, somebody's gotta make a man outta you. Arnold Jackson
: What's the rush? I'm barely outta toilet-training.
: Ahh, poor Willis. How could they turn down a guy as great as Willis thinks he is?
: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Muhammed Arnold, the champ, that's me!
: We'll vote for you next year. Kimberly Drummond
: Arnold, we're not old enough to vote. Arnold Jackson
: Oh yeah? If you put all our ages together we're old enough to vote, have a beer, and see a dirty movie.
: Gladys Knight, eat your Pips out!
: [meeting the boys for the first time
] Welcome, Gentlemen! Willis Jackson
: [confused, looking behind them
] You talking to US? Philip Drummond
: Of course. Arnold Jackson
: How 'bout that, Willis? Downtown 2 minutes and already we're gentlemen.