Drake Parker
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Drake Parker (Character)
from "Drake & Josh" (2004)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Drake & Josh: Foam Finger (#3.9)" (2005)
Audrey Parker-Nichols: So how was school?
Drake Parker: You're the worst!
Josh Nichols: You sicken me!
Audrey Parker-Nichols: I see
Josh Nichols: I hope you go bald!
Drake Parker: I hope they cancel Oprah!
Josh Nichols: Take that back!

Drake Parker: Are you calling me a liar?
Josh Nichols: I aint' calling you a truther!

Drake Parker: [Drake and Josh are imagining what they're going to be like when they're 80. Josh is upset that Drake got the oatmeal] Over my dead body!
Josh Nichols: Fine. I could wait five minutes!

Josh Nichols: I was chased by a wiener dog for eight blocks.
Drake Parker: Who runs from a wiener dog?

Drake Parker: You calling me a liar?
Josh Nichols: Well, I ain't callin' you a truth-er!

Josh Nichols: I hope you go bald!
Drake Parker: I hope they cancel Oprah!
Josh Nichols: Take that back!


"Drake & Josh: Dune Buggy (#1.2)" (2004)
Audrey Parker-Nichols: Josh, hey what's going on with Drake?
Walter Nichols: Yeah, he's been acting pretty weird.
Audrey Parker-Nichols: [a beat] Is he okay?
Josh Nichols: Um, yeah. He's fine. He's just a little...
Drake Parker: [comes from the hall] No, he's not okay. I'm kind of banged up.
Audrey Parker-Nichols: [scoldingly]
[to Walter]
Audrey Parker-Nichols: You hurt him wrestling!
Walter Nichols: [excited] I did?
Drake Parker: It-it wasn't wrestling. It was a car accident.
Audrey Parker-Nichols: [suddenly concerned] Car accident?
Josh Nichols: [to Megan]
[eagerly]
Josh Nichols: He's gonna get it now!
Drake Parker: Actually, it was a-a dune buggy accident.
Walter Nichols: Are you okay?
Drake Parker: Well, the doctor sai...
Audrey Parker-Nichols: [interrupting] Wait! What doctor?
Drake Parker: I kinda went to the emergency room and got X-rayed and stuff.
Josh Nichols: [more eager than before] Here it comes!
Audrey Parker-Nichols: [pitifully] My poor baby!
Josh Nichols: [deadpan] Huh?
Audrey Parker-Nichols: Just look at you. You can barely stand.
[grabs a chair, Walter helps Drake sit down]
Drake Parker: [wincing] Ah! Ah! Easy! Ah! Easy! You guys, I'm really sorry I disobeyed you. I shouldn't have.
Josh Nichols: [to Megan] NOW he get's it.
Audrey Parker-Nichols: [rounding on Josh] Josh. Did you know about this?
Josh Nichols: Well-yeah-yeah I knew...
Audrey Parker-Nichols: You still made your father wrestle him?
Walter Nichols: When you knew Drake was hurt?

Drake Parker: [phone rings] Hello? Trevor, hey, where are you?
Josh Nichols: Who is it?
Drake Parker: Scotty's brother.
Josh Nichols: Where is he?
Drake Parker: You're lost?
Josh Nichols: Lost?
Drake Parker: Okay, okay, well me where you are right now? Well, look around and tell me what you see.
[sighs]
Drake Parker: Mm-hmm.
[rolls his eyes]
Drake Parker: Mm-hmm.
[opens the door]
Trevor: ...and I see some bushes, and a tree and a dog. A boy dog. And I see you.
Drake Parker: You're here.

Trevor: [referring to the dune buggy] Man, the motor sounds great.
Drake Parker: Yeah. You know where it would sound even better?
Trevor: In the shower.
Drake Parker: On the road.
Trevor: Better!

Drake Parker: You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.

Drake Parker: What are you smiling about?
Josh Nichols: The great Drake, grounded, for two weeks. I love it!
Drake Parker: Yeah? Me too.
Josh Nichols: Eh?
Drake Parker: 2 weeks, layin' in bed, no school, playin' a little guitar, watching a little TV, you bringing me pizza's. Yeah, bein' grounded is baad.


"Drake & Josh: Football (#2.4)" (2004)
Drake Parker: What happened to you?
Josh Nichols: Football happened to me. I got pummeled, slugged, and I'm pretty sure someone bit my ankle.
Drake Parker: Well, I'm sorry you didn't make the team.
Josh Nichols: Oh, no, I made the team.
[holds up a jersey]
Josh Nichols: You are looking at Belleview High's brand-new E-QUIPMENT MANA-GER!
[Drake stares at Josh, incredulous]
Josh Nichols: E-QUIPMENT MANA-GER!

[Josh, trying to look cool, leans against a freshly painted wall]
Drake Parker: Uh, Josh?
[Josh looks at his back, which has white paint all over it]
Josh Nichols: How about painting on the weekends?

Drake Parker: [after Josh accuses him of ruining the brownies he made for the football team] Oh yeah, Josh, I live to sabotage baked goods!

Drake Parker: I really like music.
Josh Nichols: I really like cheese.
Drake Parker: If I had to live on an island and only take 1,000 things with me, I'd take this stereo, these headphones, and 997 CD's. And a girl.
Josh Nichols: You might think all cheese is the same, but there are different kinds. You got your American, Gouda, Feta...
Drake Parker: There's all sorts of kinds of music. Pop, Hip-hop, Jazz...
Josh Nichols: And my personal favorite...
Drake Parker: And my favorite, Rock 'n' Roll.
Josh Nichols: ...Cheddar
Drake Parker: Josh doesn't like music as much as I do.
Josh Nichols: Drake doesn't care for cheese as much as I do.
Drake Parker, Josh Nichols: [in unison] Oh, well. His loss.
Drake Parker: Ahh, Music.
Josh Nichols: Ahh, Cheese.


"Drake & Josh: Little Diva (#2.7)" (2004)
Drake Parker: Look who's gonna be at this after-party, Ashton Kutcher, Adam Sandler, Ethan LaRoche...
Josh Nichols: Who's Ethan LaRoche?
Drake Parker: I don't know, but he's gonna be there!
[later]
Josh Nichols: Hey, Drake! I just got an autograph from Ethan LaRoche!
Drake Parker: Who's that?
Josh Nichols: I don't know!

[Drake and Josh are tending to a child star]
Drake Parker: I never thought evil had a name, but it's Ashley Blake.

Josh Nichols: [talking about Ashley Blake] So then I got her gummy bears, but she doesn't like the green kind so Ihad to take those out then she suggested i do some push ups!
Drake Parker: That's ridiculous...
Josh Nichols: I know!
Drake Parker: ...who doesn't like green gummy bears?
[Josh just glares at Drake]

Josh Nichols: Pinch me!
Drake Parker: I'm not pinching any part of you.


"Drake & Josh: Helen's Surgery (#3.7)" (2005)
Josh Nichols: Uh, excuse me Helen, I have to talk to Drake about our homework.
Drake Parker: I don't do homework.

Drake Parker: Not just any candy. These are Super Power Mega Sours. The hottest and the sourest candy in the galaxy.
[takes out one]
Drake Parker: And there it is.
Josh Nichols: Pretty big day for you isn't it?
Drake Parker: The biggest!
[puts the candy in his mouth]
Josh Nichols: So how is it?
Drake Parker: It's pretty sour and it's pretty hot, I just expected it to be more
[makes sour face]
Drake Parker: OH MY GOD! OH it hurts! Oh my tongue!
[runs in circles around kitchen]
Josh Nichols: So spit it out!
Drake Parker: No! I wuv it!

Josh Nichols: Drake?
Drake Parker: Yeah?
Josh Nichols: You just met her and you're already kissing?
Drake Parker: I gave her a soda.

Drake Parker: Man, Helen, this place must have cost you like, a billion dollars.
Josh Nichols: Yeah, how do you afford all this?
Helen: Is that some of your business?
Drake Parker: How do you afford it?
Helen: Well, I'll tell you, Drake...


"Drake & Josh: Smart Girl (#2.6)" (2004)
Drake Parker: You're the best evil sister ever.

Josh Nichols: You know the closet in the hall.
Drake Parker: The hall closet.
Josh Nichols: Yah, I stuffed it full of underwear so when she opens it, she'll get burried up to her evil little head in dirty underwear.
Drake Parker: Eww, yours?
Josh Nichols: Dads...
Drake Parker: Ewer.

Josh Nichols: I don't know Drake, all this cheating makes me feel... dirty.
Drake Parker: Well, take a bath when you get home.


"Drake & Josh: Alien Invasion (#3.16)" (2006)
Josh Nichols: We need to show Megan something scary in her telescope.
Drake Parker: Dad's butt?
Josh Nichols: Scarier
Drake Parker: Wow!

Josh Nichols: [after Drake has spoke French to try to scare Megan. Josh covers the microphone] We're suppose to sound like we're from outer space, NOT PARIS!
Drake Parker: You know, there is a way to correct people nicely.

Drake Parker: Why did they name a radio after ham?
Josh Nichols: I don't know.
Drake Parker: I like ham.
Josh Nichols: Who doesn't?


"Drake & Josh: Mean Teacher (#2.11)" (2004)
Mrs. Hayfer: Drake, what's your favorite novel from the 20th century?
Drake Parker: Uh... Catcher in the Rye.
Mrs. Hayfer: Wrong.

Drake Parker: [after seeing spattered tomato on the bedroom wall] Who exploded?

Josh Nichols: [talking about how Drake needs to break up with his girlfriend] All you need to do is act un-youish.
Drake Parker: I'm not Jewish.
Josh Nichols: No! Un-Drakeish


"Drake & Josh: Josh Is Done (#4.11)" (2007)
Mr. Roland: [Drake has just been in the chemical shower] Sit down Drake.
[Drake ignores him]
Mr. Roland: Drake, sit down!
Drake Parker: No! Josh!
Josh Nichols: What?
Drake Parker: I'm sorry. I was wrong, OK? I was wrong!
Josh Nichols: What do you mean?
Drake Parker: Man, I'm sorry I made you late for your exam, I'm sorry I ran over your bike! I'm sorry I'm probably the worst brother in the world and you're way better off without me. And I need you more than you need me, I need you way more than you need me! I just-I just... I'm sorry Josh... I'm sorry...
[walks out of the classroom]
Mr. Roland: Josh, would you like to speak to Drake?
Josh Nichols: [pauses] No, sir.

Drake Parker: Well, then stop being mad at me.
Josh Nichols: I told you I'm not mad with you. I'm done.
Drake Parker: What do you mean done?
Josh Nichols: I dont want anything to do with you anymore.
Drake Parker: So? What? You're just going to move out?
Josh Nichols: No, this is a house where I live and I guess we'll be roommates until the day I leave for college but that's all we'll be. I'm done with you.
[walks away]

Megan Parker: You're not going to ask me why I took your guitar?
Drake Parker: Why did you take my guitar?
Megan Parker: I used to kill a spider.


"Drake & Josh: Number One Fan (#2.10)" (2004)
Leah: Something's bothering you.
Drake Parker: How do you know?
Leah: It'a woman, isn't it?
Drake Parker: Yeah, well... a little woman.
Leah: Go to her.
Drake Parker: Go to her? Why?
Leah: 'Cause you know you should.
Drake Parker: How do you know I know I should?
Leah: 'Cause if I didn't know you know you should, then I wouldn't know what I already know. Even if I should.
[heads toward room]
Drake Parker: Wait, who are you?
Leah: A friend, a conscience, a trumpeteer.
[blows into trumpet]

Josh Nichols: [taking smores out of oven] Hello, smores!
Josh Nichols: Ahh! Hello Pain!
[Josh sticks his arm in pitcher of milk]
Drake Parker: [staring at Josh] Uhh... Josh, they usually put the prize in the cereal, not the milk.

Drake Parker: I love s'mores!
Josh Nichols: Who doesn't?
Drake Parker: I don't know, s'more haters?
Josh Nichols: Good point.


"Drake & Josh: The Gary Grill (#2.12)" (2004)
Josh Nichols: Helen's been on my butt to sell more snacks.
Drake Parker: You know,you really shouldn't use "butt" and "snacks" in the same sentence.

Drake Parker: Let's see, the grills are about 40 bucks, right? So if we make 20%, that's...
[tracing in mid-air]
Drake Parker: Eighty dollars a grill!
Josh Nichols: No, move your decimal.
Drake Parker: Oh, right.
[traces in the air again]
Drake Parker: $8,000 a grill!
Josh Nichols: [cutting him off] Eight dollars a grill!

Drake Parker: [talking about the Gary Coleman grills] I'm telling you, we didn't steal the grills.
FBI Agent: It was reported that two Caucasian males stole the grills from a factory truck.
Drake Parker: See! We're not Caucasian, we're white guys!
[Josh leans over and whispers to Drake what Caucasian means]


"Drake & Josh: Helicopter (#4.19)" (2007)
Drake Parker: [talking to Teri about skydiving] You know, I heard one in five people don't even make it to the ground.
Josh Nichols: What do you mean they don't make it to the ground? Where do they go?

Vince: [giving a lesson on skydiving] First you're gonna squat. Then your gonna pray, than leap, ahhhh...
Drake Parker: Ahhhh?
Vince: That's what you're gonna yell on the way down.
Drake Parker: Ahh.
Vince: Ahhhh!
Drake Parker: Ahhhh!
Vince: Then, touchdown.
Drake Parker: Touchdown.
Vince: Yes, that's S, P, L, A, T.
Drake Parker: That spells splat...

[after Drake and Josh accidentally knocked their sky diving instructor unconscious, they start noticing problems with the helicopter]
Drake Parker: It's the fuel gauge! We're on "E"!
Josh Nichols: Well maybe "E" means "Extra Fuel"!


"Drake & Josh: Vicious Tiberius (#4.2)" (2006)
Josh Nichols: So did you get the phone?
Drake Parker: Yeah
Josh Nichols: Yes!
Drake Parker: But then I dropped it.
Josh Nichols: No! You were so scared you couldn't hold onto the phone?
Drake Parker: YOU WET YOUR PANTS!
Josh Nichols: ...This is true.

Drake Parker: Evil dog, Evil girl.


"Drake & Josh: Movie Job (#2.3)" (2004)
Josh Nichols: Drake, where's my stereo?
Drake Parker: Wisconsin.

Drake Parker: Helen, can I have a job?
Helen: Sure, just start tomorrow!


"Drake & Josh: We're Married (#3.3)" (2005)
Josh Nichols: [to Yooka] I got you a gift.
Yooka: What is it?
[opens bag]
Yooka: Oh! It's a glockma!
Drake Parker: No, that's a goat.
Josh Nichols: Glockma means goat.
Yooka: Yes, the goat is the national symbol of Youdonia. Very sacred in my country.

Drake Parker: I'm not really her husband, we're just... married...


"Drake & Josh: Eric Punches Drake (#4.12)" (2007)
Craig: Eric's a pacifist
Drake Parker: I thought he was Jewish...?

Drake Parker: [opens the door] Aw, is it Halloween already? Aren't you a scary little witch!
Mindy Crenshaw: Aww, look at your black eye. Wow I hope it hurts.
Drake Parker: Shebeast!
Mindy Crenshaw: Microbrain!
Drake Parker: Weirdface!
Mindy Crenshaw: Ignoramus!
Drake Parker: ...What?
Mindy Crenshaw: EXACTLY!


"Drake & Josh: Mindy Loves Josh (#4.4)" (2006)
Josh Nichols: I had a nightmare.
Drake Parker: Was it the one where you got your foot stuck in the horse?
Josh Nichols: Worse.
Drake Parker: Worse than getting your foot stuck in a horse's...

Audrey Parker-Nichols: Drake, what's in this buckets I found in your room?
[Drake hesitates]
Audrey Parker-Nichols: ... The truth.
Drake Parker: Hm... Lizard pee.
Audrey Parker-Nichols: Psychiatric, twice a week.
Drake Parker: But Mom, Dr. Stains makes me talk to puppets.


"Drake & Josh: Pool Shark (#2.5)" (2004)
Josh Nichols: [about the two tough, scary-looking biker thugs he hired to scare Drake] Drake, meet Chip and Ronnie. My old camp counselors.
[laughs]
Drake Parker: [pause] Where did you go to camp?

Drake Parker: [after he has lost money to Megan at Darts] Hey - you just hustled me!
Megan Parker: No, I didn't. I just pretended to be bad, so that you'd bet me and then I'd stop being bad and then I took your money!
Drake Parker: That's hustling!
Megan Parker: There's a word for it?
[takes the money from Drake]
Megan Parker: Cool...


"Drake & Josh: The Wedding (#4.3)" (2006)
Drake Parker: Here, let me see if I can fix the engine
Josh Nichols: You can't fix a sandwich!
Drake Parker: If you make fun of me one more time, I'll tell everyone at school you named your favorite pillow Mr. PuffPuff.
Josh Nichols: I'm sorry if I offended you.

Mrs. Parker: Aww Drake, you don't eat a hot dog wearing a tuxedo!
Drake Parker: This hot dog's not wearing a tuxedo.


"Drake & Josh: Dr. Phyllis Show (#3.17)" (2006)
Drake Parker: The thing about Josh is, he'a a spaz!

Josh Nichols: [in a flashback]
[to Drake]
Josh Nichols: I hope you go bald!
Drake Parker: [to Josh] I hope they cancel Oprah!


"Drake & Josh: First Crush (#1.5)" (2004)
Mrs. Parker: Did you happen to drink any coffee when you were there?
Drake Parker: No, not much, six cups, whyda ask?

Drake Parker: [talking to Josh about his crush] Good Luck with Kathy. Remember, she's just a person. I mean, girls are just guys without... just do good.


Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh (2008) (TV)
Drake Parker: So, we're screwed?
Josh Nichols: Naw


"Drake & Josh: Steered Straight (#4.14)" (2007)
Josh Nichols: We can't get into the Reptile Room
[nightclub]
Josh Nichols: . You have to be over 21.
Drake Parker: You are over 21, Mr.
Drake Parker: [pulls out fake I.D]
Drake Parker: Yakatori!
Josh Nichols: What's this?
Drake Parker: Fake I.D.
Josh Nichols: You got me a fake I.D.?
Drake Parker: Yeah. Got me one, too. Take a look.
Drake Parker: [hands Josh his own fake I.D]
Josh Nichols: ...Jefferson Steelflex?
Drake Parker: Made it up myself.
Josh Nichols: [sarcastically] Oh, DID ya?
Josh Nichols: So, you're suggesting we go into the Reptile Room posing as... Jefferson Steelflex and Alvin Yakatori.
Drake Parker: Yeah, pretty much.
Josh Nichols: I'm not using a fake I.D. It's illegal.
Drake Parker: So? It's illegal to rob banks, but people do it!
Josh Nichols: Yes, people who are bankrobbers!


"Drake & Josh: Playing the Field (#3.6)" (2005)
Drake Parker: You're kind of a girl, right?
Mindy Crenshaw: Well, if I'm not, then I've been buying the wrong underwear!


"Drake & Josh: Megan's First Kiss (#4.15)" (2007)
Drake Parker: Pip-Pip-Da-Doodalydoo


"Drake & Josh: The Peruvian Puff Pepper (#3.2)" (2005)
Josh Nichols: [Talking about the Peruvian Puff Pepper] Okay, so how do we buy some?
Drake Parker: Can't, it says here they're only available in South Ah-mer-ee-ca.
[Josh looks at Drake annoyingly]
Drake Parker: What?
Josh Nichols: South America!
Drake Parker: [looks at his laptop] Oh.


"Drake & Josh: The Really Big Shrimp: Part 2 (#4.18)" (2007)
Drake Parker: [to Carrie] Hi, I'm Drake.
Carrie: I'm Carrie.
[they make out]


"Drake & Josh: Guitar (#2.2)" (2004)
Josh Nichols: [Drake is playing music at a loud volume] I'm trying to study!
Drake Parker: Why?
Josh Nichols: To learn things!


"Drake & Josh: Sheep Thrills (#3.11)" (2005)
Drake Parker: Only one more day and we're not grounded anymore! Dude, do you know what it's like to go two weeks without girls?
Josh Nichols: [sadly] Yes... Yes, I do.
Drake Parker: Oh, right. Sorry.


"Drake & Josh: Driver's License (#2.9)" (2004)
Josh Nichols: Drake, we're supposed to be studying for our driving test!
Drake Parker: [playing a driving video game] I am!
Josh Nichols: Drake, I highly doubt that our driven test will include stealing a bus and running into dragons.
Drake Parker: Do you know that for sure?


"Drake & Josh: My Dinner with Bobo (#4.9)" (2007)
Josh Nichols: [locked in Dr. Favershim's closet] You'd better open the door or we'll call the cops!
Drake Parker: Yeah, we have a cell phone in here!
Dr. Favershim: You have no cell phone.
Josh Nichols: Do too!
Dr. Favershim: Prove it. Play me a ring tone.
Josh Nichols: [ringtone sounds] See?
Dr. Favershim: Does it have Bluetooth?
Josh Nichols: What?
Dr. Favershim: Your cell phone, does it have Bluetooth?
Josh Nichols: [mocking Favershim's accent] Yah, dude, it has Bluetooth!
Dr. Favershim: I don't believe you; show me.
Josh Nichols: Well open the door!
[Favershim opens the door, Josh puts out his phone]
Josh Nichols: See? Bluetooth! Ha!
[Favershim takes the phone, slams the door & locks it]
Drake Parker: Aw man!
Drake Parker: Nice going, Blue-TOOTH!


"Drake & Josh: Grammy (#1.6)" (2004)
Scottie: [after the band got arrested for having fake tickets to a concert] I'm telling you, the tickets aren't fake!
Drake Parker: Are you sure?
Scottie: Yeah, I mean I photocopied them myself!
Rina: Scottie, you can't photocopy tickets!
Scottie: Yes, you can. You just put the tickets on the glass and close the lid thingy. Any moron can do it!
Drake Parker: No, Scottie, not just any moron. It takes a special moron, like you!


"Drake & Josh: Hug Me, Brother: Pilot (#1.1)" (2004)
Josh Nichols: I gave good advice! And I'm wearing pants!
Drake Parker: Praise be the pants!


"Drake & Josh: Blues Brothers (#2.8)" (2004)
Josh Nichols: Don't worry Megan, you'll have your chance.
Megan Parker: So will you.
[stands up]
Megan Parker: So... will you.
[leaves the room]
Josh Nichols: What did she mean by that?
Drake Parker: I dunno but if I were you, I'd sleep with a helmet on.


"Drake & Josh: The Affair (#3.5)" (2005)
Josh Nichols: Anyone want a tengelo? They're half tangerine, half....elo.
Drake Parker: [British accent] 'ello