Dr. Barnaby Fulton
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Quotes for
Dr. Barnaby Fulton (Character)
from Monkey Business (1952)

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Monkey Business (1952)
Oliver Oxley: [Miss Laurel opens door] I told you I didn't want any calls.
Lois Laurel: Mr. Oxley, Dr. Linten's on the phone. I told him you were busy but he says it's very important.
Oliver Oxley: Who is he?
Lois Laurel: He...
Barnaby: He's my new assistant.
Oliver Oxley: Oh, yes. Just a moment, Miss Laurel. Find someone to type this.
Lois Laurel: Oh, Mr. Oxley, can't I try again?
Oliver Oxley: No, it's very important. Better find somebody to type it for you.
Lois Laurel: Yes, sir.
[Walks to door and closes it]
Oliver Oxley: Anybody can type.
[picks up telephone receiver]
Oliver Oxley: Who did she say was calling?
Barnaby: Dr. Linten.
Oliver Oxley: Oh, yes.
[Speaks to Dr. Linten through receiver]
Oliver Oxley: Yes, Dr. Lintel? Yes? I know he's not there. Dr. Fulton is here with me. Ye - what? Really? What sort of reactions? Why, that's amazing! We'll be right there. Come on, Barnaby. You've done better work than you know.
[Both run to door. Mr. Oxley opens door]
Oliver Oxley: Come along, Miss Laurel. It's amazing.
Barnaby: What's amazing?
Oliver Oxley: Dr. Whatchamacallit says one of your monkeys broke loose. We've got to hurry.

Barnaby: Aw, c'mon; let's scalp him!
Little Indian: No; first, we gotta do a war dance!

Barnaby: [Lois is exposing a beautiful leg to show Barnaby the "new non-rip plastic stockings" he invented. Mr. Oxley enters and is startled] Miss Laurel was just showing me her acetates.

Barnaby: In my opinion, your opinion that it's a silly song is a silly opinion.

Barnaby: Hello, Griffith Park Zoo, Snake Department. Sssshhh!
Oliver Oxley: Hello? Hello? What is this?
Barnaby: What do you want?
Oliver Oxley: This is Mr Oxley.
Barnaby: I'll see if he's here.
Oliver Oxley: No, I said *this* is Oxley!
Barnaby: Who is?
Oliver Oxley: I am, speaking!
Barnaby: Oh, you're Mr. Speaking...
Oliver Oxley: This is Mr. Oxley speaking!
Barnaby: Oxley Speaking? Any relation to Oxley?
Oliver Oxley: Barnaby Fulton is that you?
Barnaby: Who's calling?
Oliver Oxley: I am, Barnaby!
Barnaby: Oh, no, you're not Barnaby. I'm Barnaby! I ought to know who I am.
Oliver Oxley: This is Oxley speaking, Barnaby!
Barnaby: No, that's ridiculous! You can't be all three. Figure out which one you are and call me back!

Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Oh, darling! Stop by the automobile agency. Mr Peabody just called and says he had a very good buy
Barnaby: A good buy? Well, good bye to you!

Barnaby: Now, Edwina, we drove all the way down here to enjoy ourselves and to pursue an important scientific experiment at the same time.

Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I remember we didn't wanna share each other with anyone. You were so sweet. Remember how the telephone kept ringing for hours and hours and hours?
[doorbell rings]
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I'll get it.
Barnaby: You see what I mean? Tonight were answering calls.

Barnaby: Sodium ascorbate. 3,000 milligrams. You keep quiet Esther.

Barnaby: All set. Is you motor running?
Lois Laurel: Is yours?
Barnaby: Takes while to warm up.
Lois Laurel: Does, me too.

Barnaby: At 11:52 this morning I took a dose of the formula,and in a few minutes, I began to behave like a college boy with 20/20 vision and no bursitis.

Mrs. Edwina Fulton: By the way, whose lipstick is it?
Barnaby: Oh, uh, what's her names? Oxley's secretary.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Oh, you mean that little pin up girl? Very cute.
Barnaby: Sort of. But half infant.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Not the half that's visible.

Lois Laurel: Hi Dr Fulton.
Barnaby: Hi.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: What did you say to her?
Lois Laurel: Mrs Fulton. He said "hi".
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I heard what he said, you peroxide kissing bug!
Barnaby: Edwina, she hasn't done anything.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I'll pull that blonde hair out by its black roots!
Barnaby: Edwina! Now come along. Miss Laurel, you keep out of the way.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Put 'em up!

Barnaby: Alright. Now say terrify.
Lois Laurel: Terrify.
Barnaby: Now say tissue.
Lois Laurel: tissue.
Barnaby: Now say them both fast together.
Lois Laurel: Terrify tissue?
Barnaby: [burst in laughs]

Mrs. Edwina Fulton: [acting like 8 years olds after taking some of the formula]
[picks up paint brush and paints Barnaby]
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: I'll tell my mother!
Dr. Barnaby Fulton: [picks up his own paint brush and paints Edwina] Here's one for your mother.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: [gets more paint on her brush and paints Barnaby again] I'll tell Hank Entwhistle!
Dr. Barnaby Fulton: [gets more paint and paints Edwina again] Here's two for Hank Entwhistle.

Barnaby: [grabbing some pruning sheers] Ssh, I'm just getting these to scalp a man.

Barnaby: [to a baby after he coos] No, no familiarities.

Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Don't you remember anything?
Barnaby: Well, sure, the last thing... I was scalping Hank Entwhistle.

Barnaby: [about the baby] We ought to find out who that is.

Hank Entwhistle: Well, I can only tell you, Mrs. Fulton. If you had been smart enough to marry me instead of...
[points at Barnaby]
Hank Entwhistle: this, you wouldn't be in the kitchen cooking.
Barnaby: No? Where would she be cooking?

Barnaby: I have a new formula.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Now barnaby, if you start that all over again, so help me, I'll...
Barnaby: Oh, I like that dress, yes.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Oh, you do.
Barnaby: Uh-huh.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Alright, what's the new formula?
Barnaby: Well, it doesn't come in packages or bottles. You're old only when you forget you're young.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: Come on, say some more.
Barnaby: Hmmm, it's a word you keep in your heart, a light you have in your eyes, someone you hold in your arms.
Mrs. Edwina Fulton: My, I'm glad I'm going out with you tonight.

Barnaby: Umph! I'm beginning to wonder if being young is all it's cracked up to be. We dream of youth. We remember it as a time of nightingales and valentines. But what are the facts? Maladjustment, near idiocy, and a series of low comedy disasters. That's what youth is.