Alan Eppes
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Quotes for
Alan Eppes (Character)
from "Numb3rs" (2005)

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"Numb3rs: Robin Hood (#4.5)" (2007)
Alan Eppes: [a pumpkin falls in the background and shatters on the ground like glass, startling Alan] What the hell was that?
Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: A Cal Sci Tradition. Every Halloween the students drop pumpkins from the highest point on campus.
Alan Eppes: From the roof of the library?
[Another pumpkins shatters]
Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Yeah, the tradition further holds that the pumpkins be dipped in liquid nitrogen to intensify the explosion.
Alan Eppes: Well in that case, I'm starting a new tradition: The frightened student dash.
[Runs down the stairs as another pumpkin drops]

Charlie Eppes: [Charlie walks in to his office to find his dad and Larry pulling pumpkins out of a liquid nitrogen bath] Oh no, please don't tell me you're encouraging this.
Alan Eppes: Now, don't blame Larry. This was my idea.
Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Yeah, your father though it would help him connect to the younger students.
Charlie Eppes: Well then, what's your excuse?
Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: I just like watching things explode.


"Numb3rs: Scratch (#6.11)" (2010)
Alan Eppes: I hear Robin's back in town.
Don Eppes: Yeah, I'm really happy she's back.
Alan Eppes: Did you tell her that?
Don Eppes: Not yet, not in words, no.
Alan Eppes: You know, it's guys like you that make Beyonce sing that "Single Ladies" song.


"Numb3rs: The Janus List (#3.24)" (2007)
Alan Eppes: [Quoting poem by Siegfried Sassoon] "Light many lamps and gather round his bed/Lend him your eyes, warm blood, and will to live... But death replied: 'I choose him.' So he went/And there was silence in the summer night/Silence and safety; and the veils of sleep/Then, far away, the thudding of the guns."


"Numb3rs: Nine Wives (#3.12)" (2007)
Alan Eppes: We?
Charlie Eppes: Amita and I. We're driving down together.
Alan Eppes: Oh. A romantic weekend away together.
Charlie Eppes: Well, we will be driving through wine country.


"Numb3rs: The OG (#2.12)" (2006)
Alan Eppes: Hey listen, I want to ask you guy something. Um, it's her birthday coming up and I want to get her a gift. Something, I dunno. I just don't know what.
Don Eppes: It's just a question of what you want to say.
Alan Eppes: Well how about, happy birthday?
Charlie Eppes: You know, two mathematicians from University College of London actually recently addressed this, this very same question.
Alan Eppes: Mathematicians? English mathematicians?
Charlie Eppes: They used game theory to analyze the best characteristics of a courtship gift.
Don Eppes: Well, no offence Charlie, but it sounds like two math geeks who don't date much.
Charlie Eppes: I do take offence.


"Numb3rs: Spree (#3.1)" (2006)
Alan Eppes: Larry, I'm going to give you the same advice I've given to all the geniuses I know.
Dr. Larry Fleinhardt: Which is?
Alan Eppes: Don't be an idiot.


"Numb3rs: Longshot (#3.6)" (2006)
Charlie Eppes: I'll be home later for dinner.
Alan Eppes: OK... I'm goin' out for dinner.


"Numb3rs: The Decoy Effect (#5.2)" (2008)
Alan Eppes: Listen, Charlie, when you're dealing with the Government... it doesn't hurt to have more than just the *facts* on your side.


"Numb3rs: Graphic (#4.9)" (2007)
Alan Eppes: Charlie thinks math is beautiful, and he wants everyone to love it the way he does.