Don Eppes
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Quotes for
Don Eppes (Character)
from "Numb3rs" (2005)

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"Numb3rs: Robin Hood (#4.5)" (2007)
Det. Gary Walker: [Don and Walker are driving down an alley after a suspect] Hey Eppes, you ever play Polo?
Don Eppes: All right, here we go! Giddyap!
[steps on the gas]
Don Eppes: [Walker opens the car door so it slams against the bad guy as they drive past, they get out to cuff him] Well, that's your sport, Gary! The boy's out cold!

Det. Gary Walker: That's what I like about the new generation, they got an answer for everything.
Don Eppes: I don't have an answer for dating a co-worker though.
Det. Gary Walker: [looks through break room window at Megan, David, and Colby] Reeves? You and Reeves?
Don Eppes: No no no, you didn't know I was dating Liz Warner?
Det. Gary Walker: [raises eyebrows] Ooh ho ho!


"Numb3rs: Graphic (#4.9)" (2007)
Don Eppes: [Ross is drawing Charlie and Don in a back-to-back action-hero pose] You think someone actually might publish this?
Ross Moore: An FBI agent who solves crimes with the help of his mathematician brother? It's great!
Don Eppes: Aw, nobody would believe it.

Charlie Eppes: [reading the proof for Vanity Fair] His brother Don, a special agent in the Los Angelies office of the FBI believes Charles Epps has recently conquered the greatest challenge of friendship. 'Charlie and I has our issues growing up... '
Don Eppes: Yeh, to say the least.
Charlie Eppes: '... but if there is anything stronger than the bond between brothers its the bond between brothers who have become friends. Charlie's my friend'.


"Numb3rs: In Plain Sight (#2.8)" (2005)
Don Eppes: What's the deal? There are more people here in the middle of the night than at ten in the morning. It's like the FBI.


"Numb3rs: Scratch (#6.11)" (2010)
Alan Eppes: I hear Robin's back in town.
Don Eppes: Yeah, I'm really happy she's back.
Alan Eppes: Did you tell her that?
Don Eppes: Not yet, not in words, no.
Alan Eppes: You know, it's guys like you that make Beyonce sing that "Single Ladies" song.


"Numb3rs: The Janus List (#3.24)" (2007)
Don Eppes: [Don walks into the coffeeroom while Charlie is drinking a pink liquid] Hey, what yah got there? A smoothie?
Charlie Eppes: Pepto-Bismol!


"Numb3rs: The OG (#2.12)" (2006)
Alan Eppes: Hey listen, I want to ask you guy something. Um, it's her birthday coming up and I want to get her a gift. Something, I dunno. I just don't know what.
Don Eppes: It's just a question of what you want to say.
Alan Eppes: Well how about, happy birthday?
Charlie Eppes: You know, two mathematicians from University College of London actually recently addressed this, this very same question.
Alan Eppes: Mathematicians? English mathematicians?
Charlie Eppes: They used game theory to analyze the best characteristics of a courtship gift.
Don Eppes: Well, no offence Charlie, but it sounds like two math geeks who don't date much.
Charlie Eppes: I do take offence.


"Numb3rs: Traffic (#3.5)" (2006)
Charlie Eppes: You know who else doesn't like to talk about their love life?
Don Eppes: Your boy Larry.
Charlie Eppes: What do you know?
Don Eppes: That Megan thinks he's *beautiful*.
Charlie Eppes: [Mouths silently] beautiful?


"Numb3rs: Atomic No. 33 (#4.16)" (2008)
[Watching and speaking along with Sullivan's Travels]
AUSA Robin Brooks: You know every line?
Don Eppes: Not on purpose.
[Kissing]
Don Eppes: Yes.
AUSA Robin Brooks: Thanks for not making me watch Heat.


"Numb3rs: Dreamland (#6.6)" (2009)
Don Eppes: Alright, look, short of getting access to the "X-Files", we're not going on any alien death-ray theories. Period.
Colby Granger: Guys, we processed the photos and the videos from these witnesses at Goathart. It's nothing Pulitzer Prize-winning, but it's something.
[a video plays of a blue flash of light]
David Sinclair: What the hell was that? Let me see it again.
[slower playback reveals the light is concentrated in a glowing blue sphere of energy]
Nikki Betancourt: [to Don] You were saying, Agent Mulder?


"Numb3rs: Conspiracy Theory (#5.9)" (2008)
AUSA Robin Brooks: You know, when it comes to religion, I tend to agree with Clarence Darrow. Fear of God isn't the beginning of wisdom - it's the end. When I need guidance, I turn to the law. It's been solving problems for 4,000 years.
Don Eppes: Yeah, well, I'm not sure what I'm after, but I don't think I'm going to find it in the penal code.


"Numb3rs: Blackout (#3.7)" (2006)
Charlie Eppes: She dumped you?
Don Eppes: Shutup!


"Numb3rs: Angels and Devils (#5.23)" (2009)
Don Eppes: Whatever God is... I'm pretty sure it's in how we're there for each other.


"Numb3rs: Thirty-Six Hours (#5.8)" (2008)
Roman Markovius: I just bought a sizable stake in rail transport. It's my business now, why would I harm it?
Don Eppes: Well, one reason is you'd bring prices down. You could snatch up inventory.
Roman Markovius: You think like a criminal.
Don Eppes: That's how I catch them


"Numb3rs: End Game (#4.15)" (2008)
Colby Granger: Maybe Charlie can slap it into one of those algorithmic, geo-profiling hot zone Hot Pocket deals.
Don Eppes: Put it just like that when you ask him.