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[Dana Barry and a Cowboy are having sex in an elevator
] Danny McCoy
: [outside of the elevator
] I'm sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Barry, but there's a camera directly over you. We can see what you're doing. Dana Barry
: I know.
: I'm sorry, but I'm in kind of a pickle. Mary Connell
: Oh, you and your pickle are in a pickle, all right.
[Ed catches his daughter in bed with Danny
] Delinda Deline
: Hi, Daddy. Danny McCoy
] Daddy? Ed Deline
: [to his men
] Out. Danny McCoy
] Welcome to the worst day of my life.
: Welcome to the family. Danny McCoy
: What? Ed Deline
: If I catch you looking at another girl, take a poison pill, 'cause I'll kill ya.
: Hey, uh, you're not, uh... Danny McCoy
: No, no, I swear. Samantha 'Sam' Jane Marquez
: Don't worry, the only one he's doing is your daughter.
Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez
: I make it a point to know about anyone that affects me. Danny
: How do I affect you? Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez
: So far, a mild tingling sensation. I'm Sam.
: So, you'll be a Casino Hostess? Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez
: Yeah, OK. Danny
: That's good. Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez
: Thanks. Danny
: Good idea.
: Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Danny
: ...and apparently dies in Boston.
: It looks like a Etch-A-Scetch on acid.
: [watching the Wet T'Shirt contest
] God, I love my job. Mike Cannon
: More and more each day. Danny
, Mike Cannon
] Damn! Mike Cannon
: Oh, she's hot. Danny
: Hotter than hot. Mike Cannon
: Smoking. Danny
: Firing. Mike Cannon
: Somebody better cool me off.
[Mike and Danny get splashed with a glass of water and then the camera turns around to reveal Nessa, Sam, Delinda and Mary standing next to them. Nessa has an empty glass in her hand
] Mike Cannon
: That was a rhetorical comment. Nessa Holt
] Oops. My bad. Mike Cannon
: Now I see why they call you the "Ice Queen" Nessa Holt
: And now you see what it's like to be in a Wet T-Shirt contest. Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez
: Hey, why don't you get up on stage and show us ladies a little something? Delinda
: Yeah, Mike, Why don't you shake a little booty up there? Danny
: What. A guy can't comment on a pretty girl without getting ragged on? Nessa Holt
: Ragged on? Danny
: Okay, maybe that's the wrong choice of words. Mary Connell
: You think? Danny
: All I mean was that's a natural instinct for men to notice women who are - Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez
: - Well endowed? Danny
: Survival of the species depends on man's ability to be attracted to women who look like that. Mike Cannon
: Danny, you should probably stop. Danny
: What? Mary Connell
: She's a he. Danny
, Mike Cannon
] What? Mary Connell
: Your smoking hot lady is a guy. Mike Cannon
: Mary, that's not cool. Delinda
: Mary could hook you guys up. Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez
: Yeah, a little threesome Nessa Holt
: But would it be a threesome with a him-her? Isn't it more like a foursome? Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez
: Or a two-and-a-half "mensome." Mike Cannon
: That's not funny Nessa Holt
, Samantha Jane "Sam" Marquez
, Mary Connell
] Yeah, it is. Mike Cannon
: That's not funny at all. Delinda
: Mary, she's not a guy Mary Connell
: I know that. Mary Connell
: But they don't. Delinda
: You're bad.
: We slept together once! Danny
: [Mary starts to cry
] No that came out wrong... Mary Connell
: Is that all it was to you, Danny? Did you just tell me you loved me to get me in bed? Danny
: No Mary, I thought I'd never see you again after I had to tell you how I felt.
: You put me so high on a pedestal, if I ever fell off I'd never hit the ground Mary Connell
: How many times did you save me from my father Danny? Danny
: A few... Mary Connell
: He never touched me again, you know. Danny
: That's because you came and lived with us Mary Connell
: No, it was because you beat the crap out of him, Danny.
[Pulled over by the police, and Polly is impersonating a pregnant woman rushing to the hospital
] Mike Cannon
: How fast were you going? Danny
: Not that fast. Polly Nguyen
: Not fast enough! I dilate eight centimeter. I look like a large mouth bass down there.
[Makes a fish-mouth face
[Danny is asking a very old woman about a 60-year-old murder. They found a body in this woman's flower garden. Her husband many years ago
] Lady - With Dead Guy in Backyard
: Oh, yes. Now I remember. We had a fight and I had to shoot him. I shoot him in the head two times. Danny
: So, you're saying it was self defense? Lady - With Dead Guy in Backyard
: Oh, no! I wanted to shoot him. He was not a very nice man.
: I have a boss that makes Attila the Hun look like Aunt Susie.
: Would either of you want me on the jury? Mike Cannon
, Danny McCoy
: Don't worry ladies. Big Danny's in charge.
: Listen, if there is any trouble up there, let's keep these parties apart. Danny
: What do you want me to do, crutch 'em? I could hit their fists with my face.
: For me to get close to a woman, there has to be an emotional connection. Danny
: Oh, that's the gayest thing I've ever heard.
: It's not always about sex, Danny. Danny McCoy
: Dude, you sound like a girl.
: [to Mary's father after he upset her again
] I told you last time I saw you, if you ever touched her again I'd kill you - and I will.
[Ed helps Danny to avoid a court trial
] Ed Deline
: I told you the system worked. Danny McCoy
: The system or your system?
: If you drink any more water, Polly, you're gonna throw up. Do you wanna throw up? Polly Nguyen
: No, but it hotter than Rush Limbaugh scrotum in polyester pant! Danny
: What is this? Polly Nguyen
: Hot Yoga. Tell Delinda it make you bendy.
: [to Mary after she flirted with a guy to get him to help them
] Brother? Can't you even pretend to be my wife?