Aunt Clara
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Quotes for
Aunt Clara (Character)
from "Bewitched" (1964)

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"Bewitched: Samantha Meets the Folks (#1.14)" (1964)
Aunt Clara: Endora was right. I should have traveled by bus.

Aunt Clara: You know I think I've been putting on weight. I used to come down through a chimney as clean as a whistle.

Aunt Clara: Doorknobs are all very well, but they're not family. I count them when I'm lonely, but somehow today, you know they didn't seem to do the trick.

Aunt Clara: Wouldn't you like to see my doorknob collection?
Phyllis Stephens: I beg your pardon?
Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara collects doorknobs.
Aunt Clara: I have three thousand.

Aunt Clara: [runs into the wall] I used to go through a wall just like butter. I think I'll try the front door.

Darrin Stephens: Am I disturbing anything Aunt Clara?
Aunt Clara: Not at all. Not at all. I'm just polishing my doorknobs.

Aunt Clara: Yes, I'm a witch. All of my family are. Sort of a family thing that has been handed down you know. But the witch game is not like it used to be. Oh, no. Now there was a time when you could cast a spell on someone, and they knew it. Not now. No, not now. Well, now, take the Yankees.
Frank Stephens: The Yankees?
Aunt Clara: Well, they lost two world series in a row, didn't they?
Frank Stephens: You put a spell on them huh?
Aunt Clara: Well Bertha and me, yeah. Well, i'm so glad you don't mind.
Frank Stephens: Mind?
Aunt Clara: About Samantha being one.
Frank Stephens: Samantha's a witch too?
Aunt Clara: Yes, yes, but she's trying to get away from it. Bothers Darrin.

"Bewitched: Alias Darrin Stephens (#2.1)" (1965)
[first lines]
Darrin Stephens: Sweetheart, you look beautiful.
Samantha Stephens: Thank you, Darling. What time is our reservation?
Darrin Stephens: Eight o'clock. Any regrets about not having a party?
Samantha Stephens: Nope. I want to celebrate our first wedding anniversary alone.
Darrin Stephens: So do I. How about us? One whole year.
[There is an explosion. They run outside to see that Aunt Clara has demolished the gazebo]
Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara?
Aunt Clara: Oh, dear. I thought I'd drop in to wish you a happy anniversary.

Darrin Stephens: [trying on the golf cap Aunt Clara brought him] What do you think?
Aunt Clara: I don't know. I think it's a little small.
Darrin Stephens: I'll exchange it.
Aunt Clara: Oh, don't be silly. No, I'll cast a spell, and everything will be quite alright.
Darrin Stephens: Don't go to any trouble, Aunt Clara.
Aunt Clara: Aba-daba-daba, Daba-daba-aba, Remedium decapito zipperary.
[Darrin is transformed into a chimpanzee]
Aunt Clara: I goofed.

Samantha Stephens: [Aunt Clara, who intended to exchange a hat to a smaller size, just turned Darrin into a chimpanzee] Aunt Clara, I'm terribly sorry we have to run out on you, but we have a reservation for eight o'clock.
[seeing the chimpanzee]
Samantha Stephens: What's that?
Aunt Clara: That's your husband.
Samantha Stephens: Darrin?
[to chimp Darrin]
Samantha Stephens: Darrin. Darrin. What did she do to you?
Aunt Clara: [muddled, to Samantha] Well, the cap was too small and I made it the right size, but got it on the wrong head.
Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara, this is terrible. You bring Darrin back right this minute.

Samantha Stephens: [Aunt Clara can't remember the spell she used to turn Darrin into a chimpanzee] Please, Aunt Clara, you have to remember. This is very serious. If you can't remember the exact words, then you can't break that spell, and neither can I.
Aunt Clara: Is that so? Oh dear. You mean, you mean, not even you, a bloody relation? Excuse me, a blood relation?
Samantha Stephens: Not even anyone.

Aunt Clara: I have my book of spells, and sooner or later, we'll find the words that made a monkey out of Darrin.

Aunt Clara: [Sam just told her about her pregnancy] I'll be a great-aunt.
Samantha Stephens: You've always been a great aunt.

"Bewitched: We're in for a Bad Spell (#2.3)" (1965)
Samantha Stephens: [there is a loud crashing noise] Aunt Clara?
[Sam opens the back door]
Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara?
[Sam opens the broom cupboard and finds Aunt Clara in there]
Aunt Clara: Well, I've heard of coming in on a wing and a prayer, but, really, this is ridiculous.

Aunt Clara: Now, where is the young man that you're so worried about?
Samantha Stephens: Oh, ah, Adam Newlarkin. He's gone to his interview. Aunt Clara, it's getting worse. It's getting worse. Last night, he fell out of bed three times. And this morning, when he was shaving, he cut his toe.
Aunt Clara: Cut his toe?
Samantha Stephens: He dropped his electric razor on it. Now, I hope I'm wrong, but he has all the symptoms, so I thought we'd better check.
Aunt Clara: Yes, well - Well let us see now. Er, er, what's his name?
Samantha Stephens: Newlarkin. Adam Newlarkin.
Aunt Clara: Oh. Yes. Yes.
[looks in her Book Of Spellees]
Aunt Clara: Hmm-hmm... He has a spell on him, alright.
Samantha Stephens: Oh, Aunt Clara, are you sure?
Aunt Clara: Oh, yes. He's right here on the list of spellees. Right between the New York Mets and Richard Nixon.
Samantha Stephens: Evidently, one of his ancestors, also named Adam Newlarkin, was a judge in Salem. He sentenced a witch named Zorelda to some terrible things, that included being dunked three times in the local pond.
Aunt Clara: What's the spell?
Samantha Stephens: Oh, it's... Oh... Uh-oh... Oh, this is terrible. Look.
Aunt Clara: That's a lulu, isn't it?
Samantha Stephens: Poor Adam.

Aunt Clara: [to Darrin] Oh, yes, now, don't you worry. Samantha, she'll manage everything. Where there's a witch, there's a way, you know.

Darrin Stephens: Aunt Clara, Adam was curious about why you collect doorknobs.
Aunt Clara: Oh, that's easy. Because they're there.

[last lines]
Darrin Stephens: [Sam is reading Aunt Clara's Book of Spellees] Honey, how about some coffee? Sam. Sam.
Samantha Stephens: Oh, I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't hear you.
Darrin Stephens: Well, that Book Of Spellees must be pretty interesting.
Samantha Stephens: Well, it ought to be. It was banned in Boston.
Aunt Clara: Have you got to Darrin's name yet?
Samantha Stephens: Oh?
Darrin Stephens: My name? My name is in there?
Samantha Stephens: Now, just a minute. Uh-huh. Yes, here it is. Right there. See?
Darrin Stephens: Oh, well, what does it say?
Samantha Stephens: It says you're going to marry a witch and live happily ever after.
Darrin Stephens: Does it really say that?
Samantha Stephens: No. But it's true. I'm a witch, and I know.

"Bewitched: There's No Witch Like an Old Witch (#1.27)" (1965)
Aunt Clara: Oh dear, I've lost my door knobs.

Samantha Stephens: How did you get in the closet?
Aunt Clara: I don't know. Oh dear, oh dear. Well, at least I'm in the right house.

Aunt Clara: Oh dear. I wonder what I did wrong?

Darrin Stephens: Is something wrong Aunt Clara?
Aunt Clara: Oh no. I was just admiring the doorknob.

"Bewitched: The Witches Are Out (#1.7)" (1964)
Samantha Stephens: Oh, my stars. Aunt Clara, what happened?
Aunt Clara: Oh, I got the spell all wrong. I got all mixed in the spell, and I got landed in the middle of the freeway.
Samantha Stephens: Oh, good gracious.

Aunt Clara: Oh, I was just mentally counting my doorknobs.

Bertha: Clara, what are you doing?
Aunt Clara: Oh, I was just looking at this doorknob. How do you get it so brilliant?

Aunt Clara: I'd better be running along too, you know.
Samantha Stephens: Certainly, Aunt Clara.
Aunt Clara: Now, anything you need, let me know.
Samantha Stephens: Oh, yes. Well, goodbye.
Aunt Clara: Oh, goodbye. Goodbye.
[walks into the wall]
Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara, are you all right?
Aunt Clara: I'm fine, fine. What went wrong?
Samantha Stephens: Maybe you didn't concentrate.
Aunt Clara: Oh, yes. Could be, you know.
Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara, here, I have a marvellous idea. Why don't you go out the back, and through the kitchen door.
Aunt Clara: Maybe that will be the best way. These walls are getting harder and harder everyday.

"Bewitched: Aunt Clara's Old Flame (#2.11)" (1965)
Samantha Stephens: I still don't understand why you don't want to see him.
Aunt Clara: [tries to get privacy] Oh, well... Ah... Endora...
Endora: What?
Aunt Clara: Haven't you a house to haunt or something?
Endora: All right. All right, Clara. I'll go. I think I can skip all the gruesome details of your fly-by-night romance.
Aunt Clara: I know she's your mother, dear, but she can be trying. And she insists that I'm in my dotage.
Samantha Stephens: She worries about you, Aunt Clara.

Aunt Clara: [refers at her old friend] He's in the magic-supply business. Isn't that nice? Of course, I mean, it isn't witchcraft, but at least it's an allied line.

[last lines]
Aunt Clara: And he left me something to remember him by. A doorknob.
Samantha Stephens: Oh, Aunt Clara, it's lovely! Lovely.
Aunt Clara: Oh, yes. It's much better than an engagement ring.

"Bewitched: Take Two Aspirins and Half a Pint of Porpoise Milk (#2.6)" (1965)
Darrin Stephens: Do you have any idea what's the matter?
Aunt Clara: I think her magic has gone to the pot, and she's developed square green spots.
Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara, we thought maybe you'd know what disease I have.
Aunt Clara: Well, judging from the symptoms, I should think it's... er... a square green spot disease.
Darrin Stephens: Is that serious?
Aunt Clara: No, I don't think so. It's inconvenient, and it lasts a whole year.
Darrin Stephens: A year?
Aunt Clara: Yes. Usually only witches in Peru get it.
Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara, we were looking at a Peruvian rose earlier. Could that have had anything to do with it?
Aunt Clara: Was it a black rose?
[Darrin nods]
Aunt Clara: Oh... Oh, dear. That explains... Explains everything. You know, a Peruvian black rose was a part of the formula that they used to drive the witches out of Peru.
Samantha Stephens: I didn't know they had witches in Peru.
Aunt Clara: Well, they haven't. It worked.
Darrin Stephens: Aunt Clara, you said the disease isn't usually serious, but Sam's pregnant.
Aunt Clara: Oh, really? Well, I've never known it to have that effect before. Never. I...
Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara, Darrin wants to know if my having the disease while pregnant is serious.
Aunt Clara: Well, there's only one way to find that out: Ask a Peruvian witch who was pregnant when she got the square green spot disease. Offhand, I think the chances of finding her is uh... is not too good.
Darrin Stephens: Isn't there anything we can do?
Aunt Clara: Well, now, if I only had the right ingredients, I could whip up a brew that could get rid of it like that, you know.
Samantha Stephens: You could?
Aunt Clara: Why, of course. Darrin, now would you mind running out and picking up some items I need?
Darrin Stephens: Of course not, Aunt Clara. There's a drug store right here in the neighbourhood, stays open all night.
Samantha Stephens: Exactly what do you need Aunt Clara?
Aunt Clara: Well, now, let me see.
[to Darrin]
Aunt Clara: I think you'd better make a list. Well, now, let me see. Two bat wings. A half a pint of porpoise milk. And be sure it's fresh. Be sure it's fresh. Four eye of newt. And an ostrich feather. One. Yes, that's it. You got that, Darrin?
Aunt Clara: Well, I'll give you the address of a little place that I shop.

Darrin Stephens: [about the green square spots on Samantha's face] They seem to be getting bigger.
Aunt Clara: Never mind. When I get my potion, she'll be as right as rain.
Samantha Stephens: But aren't you still missing one ostrich feather?
Aunt Clara: Oh, yes, yes. Well, I'll try and conjure one up
[prepares spell-casting]
Aunt Clara: . Now, cross your fingers.
[Samantha and Darrin do so]
Darrin Stephens: Is that part of the spell?
Aunt Clara: No, but I need all the luck I can get. Now, one ostrich feather. Prankis, stokas, nixby, rashby.
[a full grown live ostrich appears]
Aunt Clara: I didn't realize they were that big, you know.

"Bewitched: Accidental Twins (#3.4)" (1966)
Aunt Clara: I know I'm a little vague at times, but on the other hand, when I forget something, I'm definite.

"Bewitched: The Very Informal Dress (#2.8)" (1965)
Charles Barlow: Your aunt and I have been having quite an interesting talk. It seems she doesn't like my jam.
Larry Tate: Oh, I'm sure she does.
Aunt Clara: Well, I like the jar. And I think the label is very attractive. But you open it, it's a matter of taste, isn't it? And it doesn't have any.

Bewitched (2005)
Aunt Clara: Well what's your idea Little Miss Doubtful?
Nina: Well, I have a taser.
Maria Kelly: Nina.
Nina: I think we should taser him and throw him into the shark tank at Seaworld.