Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale
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Quotes for
Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale (Character)
from McHale's Navy (1997)

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McHale's Navy (1997)
Lt. Penelope Carpenter: You know about the Navy's rules against fraternization among officers.
Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale: Well, I guess I'm retired again!

Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale: Remember to try tonight's drink special: Stolen Vodka Surprise. We stole Vladikov's vodka. Surprise!

Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale: Cuba. The land of oppression. And opportunity.

Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale: [under attack by Vladimir] This guy's a real prick!

Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale: What a dick!

"McHale's Navy: The Day They Captured Santa (#1.11)" (1962)
[the crew of P.T. 73 is rescued from the Japanese due to the timely arrival of an American cruiser]
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: There is a Santa Claus!

Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [reading a letter] Now, Luella would like a doll like Dorothy Lamour...
Harrison Bell: Who wouldn't? She'll have to settle for a McHale doll with brass diapers.
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: ...and send Samlou a sled.
Ensign Charles Parker: Well, we had to fake that, Skip. How about this, though? A Flexible Flyer surfboard!

"McHale's Navy: Washing Machine Charlie (#1.22)" (1963)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [Captain Binghamton has cancelled all leaves] Our leave has been cancelled?
Ensign Charles Parker: Our leave has been cancelled?
Captain Wallace B. Binghamton: [to McHale] I see you brought Little Sir Echo with you.

"McHale's Navy: Today I Am a Man (#2.7)" (1963)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: You better get going Captain, these prisoners have to be delivered to Com-fleet. Yes, sir.
Ensign Charles Parker: Yes, you better get your prisoners moving.
Capt. Wallace B. Binghamton: [confused] I don't understand it but I'm not going to argue in front of foreigners.

"McHale's Navy: Stars Over Taratupa (#2.26)" (1964)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [during the fake air-raid] There's a zero coming in at three o'clock.
Lt. Elroy Carpenter: I don't see any plane at three o'clock.
Lester Gruber: You're looking in the wrong place, sir. The Nips are on daylight savings time.

"McHale's Navy: McHale's Floating Laundromat (#3.20)" (1965)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Hi, Captain. Is there anything I can do for you, Sir?
Captain Wallace B. Binghamton: Yes. You could join the Army!

"McHale's Navy: A Medal for Parker (#2.17)" (1964)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [surprised to find Ensign Parker wearing insect extermination gear] Hey, Chuck, what the heck are you doin'?
Ensign Charles Parker: Oh hi, Skip. Binghamton put me on pest control. He says I'm a pest that needs to be controlled.

"McHale's Navy: Lester, the Skipper (#3.2)" (1964)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [Gruber is posing as the Commander while McHale is the Ensign for Gruber's girl] Excuse me, Commander. But I was doing this for your own good. I don't want you to miss your mission, Sir. After all, we do want to keep your brilliant record intact.
Lester Gruber: Well, I... I guess you right, Mac. Can't keep those Nips waiting. Good thinking. Put yourself in for an oak leaf cluster.

"McHale's Navy: Vino, Vino, Who's Got the Vino? (#4.10)" (1965)
[last lines]
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [holding a bottle of wine] Come on - let's have a drink.
[the crew of The 73 cheers]

"McHale's Navy: Will the Alligator Take the Stand? (#3.7)" (1964)
Ensign Charles Parker: [the gator has picked up Parker's gun and brought it to him] Hey skip, he likes me. He's smiling.
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: C... Ca... Careful, careful it may be indigestion.
Lester Gruber: Probably someone he ate.

"McHale's Navy: The Confidence Game (#1.20)" (1963)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: With a bunch of mavericks like we've got, you've got to let 'em know who's top dog. When you bark out an order - make it loud and clear.
Ensign Charles Parker: I tried that, Skip, but my bark kind of has a Pekingese quality to it.

"McHale's Navy: A Wreath for McHale (#1.27)" (1963)
Lt. Cmdr. Quinton McHale: Oh, now how can you say a thing like that, sir?
Capt. Wallace B. Binghamton: [sarcastic and mimicking with his hand] I just move my mouth up and down and out it comes, out it comes.

"McHale's Navy: Binghamton at 20 Paces (#4.29)" (1966)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [referring to Parker's upcoming duel] You can't go through with it!
Ensign Charles Parker: Skip, I gotta go through with this duel. I gotta prove I'm not chicken.
Harrison Bell: It's better to be a live chicken than a dead duck.

"McHale's Navy: La Dolce 73 (#4.20)" (1966)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [Binghamton comes to break-up party and accidentally falls on the couch] Hey, Captain. You're a real swinger.
'Tinker' Bell: Your the life of the party, Wally baby.

"McHale's Navy: Parents Anonymous (#1.32)" (1963)
Harrison Bell: Hey! Somebody been stealing my cloth!
Fuji Kobiaji: Somebody been eating in my kitchen!
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Hey! Somebody been sleeping in my bed!
Lester Gruber: You three bears want to start looking for Goldilocks.

"McHale's Navy: The Ensign Gets a Zero (#1.16)" (1963)
[last lines]
Ensign Charles Parker: Say, Fuji, you don't have any relatives in the air force, do you?
Fuji Kobiaji: Me? Oh, no.
Ensign Charles Parker: You know, I could have swore that pilot I shot down looked exactly like you.
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Oh, well, you know how it is with the Japanese.
Fuji Kobiaji: Yeah. You've seen one of us, you've seen us all.

"McHale's Navy: Have Kimono, Will Travel (#2.6)" (1963)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [Parker's in a magic trick that did not work out right] Chuck are you alright?
[to Gruber]
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: What are you trying to do, get rid of my executive officer?
Lester Gruber: I can explain it. Too much Abra and not enough Cadabra.

"McHale's Navy: Beauty and the Beast (#1.12)" (1963)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Tinker, this afternoon you and Willie take her for a ride, say up err, up past the fishing village.
Willy Moss: In the jeep?
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: In a jeep? In a canoe.
'Tinker' Bell: Oh, so you want us to drown her.
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Not unless it's absolutely necessary.

"McHale's Navy: The Fountain of Youth (#3.10)" (1964)
Captain Wallace B. Binghamton: We're going some place, McHale. I'm taking over the 73, we're going out on maneuvers.
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Maneuvers?
Ensign Charles Parker: You, Sir?
Lt. Elroy Carpenter: Oh yes, the Captain has a wonderful idea. When Go-Go Granger flies in at 1400hrs. Bing-Bing Binghamton...
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Bing?
Ensign Charles Parker: Bing?
Lt. Elroy Carpenter: Bing-Bing will be leading a combat group out on man...
Captain Wallace B. Binghamton: Alright Elroy, beat it. Go play with your staple machine.

"McHale's Navy: Carpenter in Command (#2.33)" (1964)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: So, shall we all go down to the brig and let out the prisoners?
Lt. Elroy Carpenter: Alright, I... I...
Ensign Charles Parker: It's OK Carpy, you can say it.
Lt. Elroy Carpenter: I could just scream.

"McHale's Navy: Make Room for Orvie (#3.36)" (1965)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [the chimp has just stole the PT 73] Who's ever going to believe that a chimp stole the PT 73. A banana eating chimp. Boy, this is the living end.
Virgil Edwards: Yeah, the end for us.
George Christopher: He'll wreck it for sure.
Lester Gruber: Why couldn't he swipe hubcaps like the other kids?

"McHale's Navy: The Binghamton Murder Plot (#2.2)" (1963)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [talking to the crew] Now tomorrow your going to give Captain a birthday party. And then your going to give him a birthday cake. And then your going to sing, 'For he's a jolly good fellow'. And your going to do this of your own free will and accord. AND THAT'S AN ORDER!
'Tinker' Bell: I'll sing but not good.

"McHale's Navy: Alias PT 73 (#2.29)" (1964)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [Finding the wreckage of the PT 25] Well, the first thing we do is go aboard and clean her up. Then we're going to change her name.
'Tinker' Bell: To what, Flotsam or Jetsam?

McHale's Navy (1964)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: An American PT crew with a hot Australian horse in a French race with a Japanese jockey... NO war was ever like THIS!

"McHale's Navy: The PT 73 Follies (#3.17)" (1965)
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [being threatened to be shot be the Japanese] Now... Now... Now... Now wait a minute wait a minute, you can't shoot us. Not after that great show we just put on for you.
Lt. Sakawa: Great Show? That another reason to shoot you. It was a terrible show. It smelled all the way back to Tokyo. Lousy! Putrid! Awful!
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: You didn't like it?

"McHale's Navy: The Stool Parrot (#3.16)" (1965)
Molly Turner: Come on, Quint, let's dance.
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Oh now, Molly, you know I don't dance.
Molly Turner: That's okay. I'll lead.

"McHale's Navy: McHale's Paradise Hotel (#1.9)" (1962)
Captain Wallace B. Binghamton: One of these days, I'm gonna get you McHale.
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Do keep trying, Sir.
Captain Wallace B. Binghamton: I could just scream.

"McHale's Navy: Camera, Action, Panic (#1.30)" (1963)
Captain Wallace B. Binghamton: [looking to the heavens] Somebody up there has to hate me.
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [mumbling] I can name a few down here.

"McHale's Navy: The McHale Opera Company (#4.11)" (1965)
[last lines]
Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Well, that's our Captain, boys. He can't sing, but boy, can he act!