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Quotes for
Lucy Collins (Character)
from Eulogy (2004)

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Eulogy (2004)
Alice Collins: [referring to Judy, Lucy's girlfriend] I really can't believe you brought her.
Lucy Collins: Hello, Alice.
Alice Collins: No, it's just, I thought you'd come alone. It's family.
Lucy Collins: Are you starting already?
Alice Collins: Oh, no, no, no. Its just it didn't occur to me to bring my sex toy. Did you bring any sex toys?
Lucy Collins: You wouldn't know a sex toy if it left a battery in your vagina.

Kate Collins: I'm sorry about Grandpa.
Lucy Collins: Oh, Katie! Nobody blames you!

Lucy Collins: [Alice is in the front seat reminiscing and laughing with Samantha, Lucy scornfully mocks her sister from the back seat] Oh, look at how silly and normal I can act when I'm not persecuting my sister!
[laughs insincerely to mock Alice]

Daniel Collins: Hey, did we have a blackout last night?
Kate Collins: That's what I heard.
Skip Collins: Yeah, we sure did. I couldn't even find my room.
[Lucy smacks him with a newspaper]
Skip Collins: What?
Lucy Collins: You found my room all right.
Skip Collins: It was dark.
Lucy Collins: So you hid in my closet? With your *kids*?
Skip Collins: [shouts] We were lost!

Kate Collins: Hey, hey, hey! You guys! Could one of you *please* tell me one nice thing I can say about your dead father
Lucy Collins: [after a long pause] He often called me Andrea for no reason.
Daniel Collins: I was Barry.

Lucy Collins: This is bullshit.
Judy: Luce...
Lucy Collins: No! I'm sorry, screw her!
Judy: Come on, Luce...
Lucy Collins: No! Don't! She has made a business out of persecuting me and I'm supposed to sit here, at my father's funeral, and watch her fuck-sing at Samantha?
[shouts]
Lucy Collins: Screw that!

Lucy Collins: [Lucy and Judy enter the house]
[to Judy]
Lucy Collins: You remember Skip?
Judy: Yeah.
Lucy Collins: And the boys Tim and Jim, right?
Skip Collins: Yeah, close enough.
Judy: Hi guys, I'm uh, I'm Lucy's life partner.
Fred Collins: [Together with Ted] Lesbians.
Ted Collins: [Together with Fred] Lesbians.

Lucy Collins: You wouldn't know a sex toy if it left a battery in your vagina.
Alice Collins: My vagina, as you are so whimsically about to refer to it, has served as sacred passage, for three anatomically correct children, so...
Fred Collins: Bad image.
Ted Collins: [hits head twice] Erase, erase.

Doctor: We pumped your mother's stomach.
Alice Collins: Yeah, it was an accident.
Lucy Collins: How did she accidentally chug half a bottle of sleeping pills.
Alice Collins: [to the doctor] She was cleaning them up.
Lucy Collins: With her mouth?

Lucy Collins: [Asking Doctor about suicidal mother] When can we take her home?
Doctor: Well just overnight then tomorrow I'll sign her out and you can take her home.
Alice Collins: Well, I think could you keep her. For another day just to be safe.
Lucy Collins: [to Alice] Oh. My. God.
Alice Collins: Bite me.

Lucy Collins: What're you laughing at?
Ted Collins: I don't know.
Fred Collins: But I can't wait to find out what you two vageniuses are up to.
Judy: What did you just say?
Ted Collins: Lez vocab word!
Lucy Collins: [to Judy] What did he just call us?
Judy: Vageniuses.
Fred Collins: It's a compound compliment.