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: I'm sorry about Grandpa. Lucy Collins
: Oh, Katie! Nobody blames you!
: Hey, did we have a blackout last night? Kate Collins
: That's what I heard. Skip Collins
: Yeah, we sure did. I couldn't even find my room.
[Lucy smacks him with a newspaper
] Skip Collins
: What? Lucy Collins
: You found my room all right. Skip Collins
: It was dark. Lucy Collins
: So you hid in my closet? With your *kids*? Skip Collins
] We were lost!
: Hey, hey, hey! You guys! Could one of you *please* tell me one nice thing I can say about your dead father Lucy Collins
: [after a long pause
] He often called me Andrea for no reason. Daniel Collins
: I was Barry.
: [reading a letter from Ryan out loud
] Did you really leave me again? After all the seasons I spent waiting, watching out the window, listening at the door, waiting for the news of your return? for the news that you realized that someone important was waiting for you. A whole lifetime I've been waiting. I can't believe you're not coming back. I can't believe I'm supposed to stop waiting. I can't believe you left me again...
] Kate Collins
: Grandpa didn't leave because of you, it was because of you he kept coming back. I hope you all realize that.
: Pop loved poetry. Kate Collins
: He did. Skip Collins
: Yeah. All the ones about Nantucket. Skip Collins
: I think his favorite was about a little handicapped girl. There once was a girl who was crippled, by the weight of her overgrown nipple.
: Uncle Skip and the twins were a little heavy with hormones, but they were at those ages...
: My family still observes a cocktail hour with a vengeance.
: I'm sorry, I live in the real world. I work hard at raising a decent family. You don't see me prancing around in my pajamas all day, starting up pillow fights with my topless girlfriend... Kate Collins
: ...What are we talking about?
] Kate Collins
: [practicing out loud
] Hey, you don't know me... I don't know you... Kate Collins
] Twice in my life I've had to deliver bad news to someone I'd never met. The first time involved a cat that ran out in the middle of my driver's test. This time was a bit trickier.
] My grandmother always said she wished Alice came with a mute button.