Templeton 'Faceman' Peck
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Quotes for
Templeton 'Faceman' Peck (Character)
from "The A-Team" (1983)

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The A-Team (2010)
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [Overlooking Hannibal's mission plan] Oh hell yeah, Hannibal! This is it right here!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: This is bat shit insane! It's perfect
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: This is beyond nuts, boss.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: [laughs] It gets better.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [from trailer] Aw hell naw, I ain't steppin' foot in any type of aircraft
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Man up! Now get in there, we've gotta finish the escape! Man up and get in there!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [from trailer] Where's the plan boss?
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: You actually sound worried.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [Murdock has dropped cargo crushing Baracus' van] You pancaked my van! I'm gonna kill you, fool!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: You can't park there! That's a handicap zone!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: This is a mistake!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: This is a heck of a beautiful place. Is this a timeshare, I'd like to get into...
[gets Punched in the face by soldier]
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Good morning!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Murdock, what did I tell you? You have to
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: You have to
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck, Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: *Catch* him, *after* you inject him.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: My bad.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I like your bed, Milt. But how do you maintain your face?
Pensacola Prisoner Milt: Never mess with the face.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Alpha, Mike, Foxtrot! In other words, Adios... Mother... !

General Javier Tuco: So you're Army Intelligence?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Who, me? Naaaah!
General Javier Tuco: Not so intelligent man, because you seem to be stuck in some tires.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [after breaking Murdock out the team speeds away from Sosa who starts firing] She's actually shooting at us!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [Murdock pokes his head out of the escape vehicle wearing 3D glasses] You should see these bullets in 3D!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Murdock, get in here!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: It's like we're actually being shot at!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: We are getting shot at you crazy ass fool!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: [after being arrested again at the end] Nice plan, Face.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Yea, we just trade Lynches and now we're going back to prison.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: We returned the plates, we can hold our heads high. We did the right thing.
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Yea, and look what it got us. This is bullshit.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: They burned us again, Hannibal. We trusted the system, and it turned on us.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Remember boys, no matter how random things may appear, there's always a plan... kid.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I don't mean to steal your line, boss, but
[shows key to handcuffs in mouth]
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I love it when a plan comes together.

[Murdock and his fellow inmates are watching a 3D movie - The Greater Escape -. During the opening shot of a Humvee, just as it is gettting close to the screen, a real Humvee bursts out of the wall. Sosa is knocked to the ground and the entire audience applauds]
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [in a British accent] Oh Captain! Your chariot awaits!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [runs and hops into the vehicle] Sorry boys, gotta run! Can't finish the movie! Do let me know how it ends!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Charissa, where you hiding? Hey, stay beautiful baby.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Punch it B.A.!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [throws it in reverse] Let's go, fool!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: I see you've all met Mr. Murdock.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Met him? He lit my arm on fire!
[Murdock starts laughing]
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: He stitched a lightning bolt in mine.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Look at me, son. I'm told you're a hell of a chopper pilot.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: The best, sir.
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: I'm not gettin' on a chopper with this nutjob!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Yea, is this another one of your little 'projects'?
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: I'm a real soldier, I'm a Ranger baby!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I'm worried!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [to Hannibal] I'm a Ranger, sir.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: That's good enough for me.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [about to try and shoot down drones in the tank] Hey Bosco, I'm a little stuffy. I'm gonna pop a window!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: There's nothing like some good air-to-air combat, hey boys?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Don't look at me, look at him!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [Flying the C-130] Ladies and gentleman we are expecting some slight turbulence so please remain in your seats until the captain has turned off the fasten seatbelts sign. Don't worry boys, turbulence has never brought down a plane!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [Reaper drones lock on C-130, warning alarms sound] What the hell is that?
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: But, we got inbound subsonic UAVs with missile lock, and they bring down planes all the time!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [Acknowledges Captain as she walks in] Captain.
Attractive Prison Guard: Hey.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [Whispering] You left something on the bed.
Attractive Prison Guard: [Picks up her underwear] You could have hid those.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Why would I wanna do that? You drive me crazy, I'll see you late.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [Trying to get BA onto C-130] Quit being a baby, you're a grown ass man!

Prison Warden: Wait a minute, what is this? A lap pool, a dry steam room?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Yea it'll go a long way with the boys.
Prison Warden: How in the hell do you pull this off?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: It's not who you know Bob, it's how you know them. Oh, did your boy get back from Afghanistan?
Prison Warden: Yea, thanks for getting him home. His mother and I are real grateful.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: General Tuco, you are currently engaged in unauthorized warfare on United States Military Personnel.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: No no no no no no, you engaged me!
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Repeat, you are engaged in unauthorized warfare on United States Military Personnel... over United States airspace.
General Javier Tuco: What?
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith, Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Alpha. Mike. Foxtrot! In other words, Adios Mother F...!
General Javier Tuco: Oh, no...
[Tuco gets shot down by an F-22 Raptor]

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: What's wrong?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I don't know man, just thinking about this. We've always come back alive, the four of us, because of the old man.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: I know.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I'm not him.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Face, I know this.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Murdock, I'm not Hannibal.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Who has the most to lose on this, Face? Me, and I trust you.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Yeah, I know but... you're crazy.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [presents the Kevlar mask] Not that crazy.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [singing as he spins on the helicopter blade] You spin me right round baby, right round!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Who is this guy?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: How's your day going?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: This is not going to taste good.
[pukes]

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: You speak Swahili?
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: You don't?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Lynch is a paradox. He's a guy who needs animosity, but he loves theatricality. He's an administrator, he's not an operator. So he stays as far away from the point of impact as possible, and never gets his hands dirty if he can help it. But we're gonna change all that. This guy is never at the flashpoint of anything, he's safe and sound somewhere pulling the strings. So we're gonna bring this guy down to ground level, the last place he'd ever want to be. Then you put him on display, for the whole world to see...

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Man, this was so much easier when it was just three plastic cups...

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: You beat a guy like Lynch with three things: distraction, diversion and division. Then you put him on display, for the whole world to see...

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Charissa, come on. I am a federal fugitive. You know who I am, and . I'm here because, in the end, the truth is worth the risk. And I believe in you, even if you don't believe in me. God, I forgot how beautiful you are.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I guess the plan went OK, considering Pike blew up the boat which I didn't account on...

[Face sees Kyle approaching Charisa Sosa and reaching for his gun, fires two shots with a concealed pistol to make noise]
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [Pointing at Kyle's direction, speaking in German] Oh, mein Gott! Er hat eine Waffe! Er hat eine Waffe! EINE WAFFE!
["Oh my God, he's got a gun! Right there, he's got a gun! A gun!"]
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [an uproar ensues; Kyle stares at Face, dumbfounded and still reaching for his gun]
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [walks away] Sucker.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I was trying to save her.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Save her?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Yeah.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: SAVE HER?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Yeah!
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: How? Please do share with us your plan, Face!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: ...okay, I hadn't thought about that yet.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Exactly! I had to!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: What is part of a well-oiled plan?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: To be one step ahead of the enemy, NOT to be running away from him!
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Who says we're running?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [opening fire] YEAH! WHAT YOU GOT, BITCHES? WHAT YOU GOT? YEAH!

[Murdock uses gunpowder as a spice at a braai]
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Murdock, burn the hell outta that, like it was damned!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Burn the whole place down, buddy!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [cooking] Who wants secret sauce?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: NO! No, no, no, no, no! NOT anti-freeze!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Secret's out, you crazy! Everybody knows!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: No one can do an anti-freeze marinade like you can, Murdock, but I had a little Bells palsy last time...
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: That's only partial paralysis!

[a French reporter slaps Face]
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Oooh-la-la.
[They kiss]

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Who's gonna let him out?
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith, Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: YOU!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [inside a trailer that was airlifted to base] What you don't realize is, now I gonna kill ALL y'all!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Your Honour, these men were acting under my command. Any judgment should be levied on me and me alone.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Absolutely not, sir! We were all participating in this operation willingly!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: I won't be tried separately.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: I refuse to be tried separately.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: BOSCO!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I'm guessing you didn't get religion on the inside.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Nope, I got revenge.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [about to let B.A. out of the trailer] Does it make sense I'm more scared now than what we just did?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Face, you have nothing to worry about.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: If I was worried, I'd be nailing myself to the container.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [Dangling from the chopper blade and singing 'You Spin Me Round'] Rotors are good, sir!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [At Hannibal] Who is this guy?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Mike
Mike 'The Operator': Boss man. How the hell are you?
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Still chewing the same dirt?
Mike 'The Operator': I am, unfortunately, and out here in lovely Mexico.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Good. So, what have you got for me?
Mike 'The Operator': I got a fast bird doing pizza runs. Call sign is "Hatchet", and that is wherever you want it to be.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Shoot anything that moves, ok? This is worse than Colombia.
Mike 'The Operator': I know Tuco, man. Don't worry about it. And you're covered in gas, which I think it's interesting.


"The A-Team: The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing (#1.12)" (1983)
Face: Oh, so now we're in the charity business?
Hannibal: Face, don't you remember in '69 when we had six days of R&R coming?
Face: Yeah, we tried to get that flight out of Da Nang to Hawaii.
Hannibal: Right, all the flights were booked. Beller Air bumped two tourists and we got a flight out. We owe 'em this one.

Face: Where's Murdock? I had the field trip to the newspaper office all set up. I hope you didn't blow it, Amy.
Amy Amanda Allen: Murdock wasn't even at the hospital. Fact, when I got there they were moving his things out of his room. The front desk said the administration had made a change...
B.A. Baracus: What kind of a change can they make with a dude like that? Aside from giving him a new brain?

Hannibal: Military history has taught us that conflict is merely the seizing of space from ones aggressor. They've got the space up there, we got the offensive posture down here.
Face: So the two of us assume an offensive posture against six guys with guns in an airplane at 35.000 over the ocean?
Hannibal: Well, it's the application of the theory that's interesting.

Jackson: [Pulls a fake moustache off of Hannibal's face] It seems you've lost some weight, Mr. Beller.
Face: He's been sick.
Hannibal: Yeah, a virus. Haven't been able to eat for weeks. Runny nose, infected ears. Moustache falls off.

Jackson: Who are you?
Hannibal: [removing his wig] Were a couple of ah, freelance Lone Ranger types. Beller hired us to handle you guys.
Face: Lone Ranger types?
Hannibal: Yeah.
Jackson: All right. Get back to the luggage compartment and get the parachutes. We're bailing out just as soon as we're out of range of the radar. Unless you have wings, you're dead. And you and Tonto can crack your lousy jokes as you go into the ocean.
Face: Get 'em up, Scout!

Face: [trying to come in for a landing with no fuel] When we crash...
B.A. Baracus: [panicked, clings to Hannibal and chokes him] We gonna crash? We gonna crash?
Hannibal: Face, get him off of me. Get him off me Face!
[Face beats B.A. with a metal tray repeatedly]
B.A. Baracus: [calmer] Sorry fellas, I lost my head for a second.

Jackson: Did you put someone on this plane while we stopped to re-fuel? Come on, I ain't askin' you twice!
Face: I wanted to bring my pet cat, but I didn't have a kitty carrier.

Murdock: Face, check the fuel gauge, it should be over there on your right and say 'fuel'.
Face: Uh... oh, uh, 60,000 pounds.
Murdock: That's about 13 minutes.

Hannibal: [hears tapping under the floor] Sounds like Morse code.
Face: No, probably a slow leak in the hydraulic system.
Hannibal: It is Morse code, it's Murdock... he's saying, go to... lavatory.
Face: I can't, I went before I left.
Hannibal: Now who's making jokes?

Face: [trying to get the handcuffs off to go in the restroom] Come on, what am I going to do, flush myself down the toilet?

Murdock: [Before Hannibal grabs the controls of the hijacked plane] Are you ready, captain?
Hannibal: I'm always ready.
Face: What can I say? The man's on the jazz!

Murdock: Maybe they'll let me fly one of these birds now that I'm not crazy anymore.
Face: See B.A.? Flying isn't so bad. Hello? B.A.?
Hannibal: I love it when a plan comes together.


"The A-Team: The Battle of Bel Air (#2.15)" (1984)
"Hannibal" Smith: [to Tawnia] We don't give autographs, honey. What's going on, Murdock?
Tawnia Baker: I got some very important information for you: Colonel Decker is after you.
"Faceman" Peck: Now there's a hot flash.

Face: Ah, excuse me, eh, this set, this is the, eh, 'Monster from Camp Runnamuck' set, isn't it?
[checks the guys jacked which has the title on the back]
Face: Ah yeah, great. Listen, where's the guy who plays the monster? With the - never mind, I see him.

Tawnia Baker: Oh, Face, I almost died when you went out that window!
Face: [sarcastic] You almost died?

"Faceman" Peck: Oh, don't mind me, I'll eh, I'll be under the bed.

Murdock: [taking off in a helicopter that's falling apart] Face, I thought you said this was a state of the art helicopter?
Face: Murdock, Hannibal said he wanted a chopper, I got you a chopper!

"Hannibal" Smith: [calling down 2 floors] Face, Murdock!
Murdock: [to Tawnia] This building is too weird. Buttons scream at you, stairs talk to you.
Face: [shouting upwards] Hannibal, where are you?
"Hannibal" Smith: Seventh floor, stay where you are!

Murdock: When he said dummy, was he talking to me?
Face: Who else?
Murdock: What do you mean who, who...

Tawnia: Do something, Ron!
Face: Yeah Ron, do something!

Murdock: Hey guys, lets to it! The blue yonder awaits! Yahoo!
Face: So does the Grim Reaper...

Face: [after being thrown in a pool, checks his watch] Takes a licking, but eh, keeps on ticking.

Hannibal: You got any idea where they took her?
Face: Yeah, well, it was a little tough to hear. I was listening to the chlorine ruin my clothes.


"The A-Team: Beneath the Surface (#4.19)" (1986)
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I can't believe that Fulbright would sink that low. That he would find an unrequited love from my youth and force her to set me up, that's just...
"Hannibal" Smith: She's after the reward, Face.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Why Hannibal, you are so cynical.

"Hannibal" Smith: [stiffling a laugh] How many times did you con this guy, Face? I bet he was your number one stooge.
Elaine: He talked about you constantly. Always told me what a great guy you were.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I am a great guy! Barry was interested in pirates, and for twenty bucks I sold him a treasure map.
"B.A." Baracus: I'm glad I didn't know you when I was a kid.

"B.A." Baracus: Face, did you really sell your best friend a fake treasure map?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: B.A., I needed the money, ok?

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: You know, Hannibal, I'm worried about Rebecca. What if the military's detained her?
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, if they detained her, it's because they wanted to take back the reward they paid her.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, of course, if there was a treasure, I'd, eh, I'd own half of it because I sold him the map in the first place.
"Hannibal" Smith: Face!
[gives him a stern, persuasive grin]
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Ok, Barry owns the whole thing, ok? He'd want me to have half of it, cause he's a friend of mine, but...

Barry Green: Temp, do you remember the day that you conned me out of my Alman Brothers tickets?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Listen Barry, look, I never realized how hard I was on you, it's just that you were so easy, you were like a proving ground to me.
Barry Green: No, no, see, that was the day Elaine and her family came the orphanage.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Aha.
Barry Green: Now I had to be you for a couple of hours, while you were gone remember?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Yeah.
Barry Green: They really liked me, and that was the day they decided to adopt me. I told them the truth later.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: You told them you were me and they, they adopted you?

Morgan: [holding Philip's Cross] Well now, ain't that something.
H.M. Murdock: That's a sacred relic, Morgan. You keep that, you'll be doomed for all eternity.
Morgan: I'll take my chances.
Barry Green: How did you find us?
Morgan: I got the location of the wreck out of your computer.
Barry Green: You can work a computer?
Morgan: No, but Maitland can, if you put a gun in his back. Allright, all of ya, face down on the deck. Move it!
Barry Green: Are you gonna kill us?
Morgan: You and the girl maybe, but the others are worth much more alive, being the A-Team.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: You got the cross and you, eh, you want the reward on top of that?
Morgan: Got to live on something, before we can bust this thing up and fence it.

Elaine: [wearing a police uniform] Excuse me, Templeton Peck?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Eh, me? Oh, no, no, no, I'm, eh, Teddy Peddleton, I, eh...
[tries to walk away, pulls off his name tag as she grabs his arm]
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Oh this, I must have picked up the wrong name tag, I...
Elaine: Don't let the uniform scare you, I'm just a meter maid. I'm Barry Green's sister.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Barry Green doesn't have a sister.
Elaine: When he was sixteen, my family adopted him.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Oh, well that's great, eh...
[tries to walk again, but is grabbed by the arm once more]
Elaine: Listen, I came today hoping you'd be here. I haven't heard from Gary in two weeks.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Ah, well, I haven't heard from Gary in twenty years.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: You okay, Colonel?
"Hannibal" Smith: That bird WILL eat anything.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I think she needs our help.
"Hannibal" Smith: Face, she's a cop.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: She's a meter maid!

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: [parrot snaps at him] I think that parrot's carnivorous.
H.M. Murdock: Don't be ridiculous, Face, birds are not carnivorous. I'll show you, you just gotta know how to talk to him, let him know you're friendly. Nice birdie, nice birdie.
[parrot snaps at him too]
H.M. Murdock: This bird IS a maneater!


"The A-Team: Sheriffs of Rivertown (#3.10)" (1984)
[the A-Team are watching Boyle entering a cave]
Face: A cave. What's he doing in a cave?
Murdock: Makes sense to me. Most slimes I know hang out in caves.

[the A-Team and others are trapped in a cave]
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, what's the story?
Face: Did you ever hear of King Tut?
Murdock: We ain't never gonna get out of here, Colonel.
"B.A." Baracus: Hey man, the first time ever we have guns and ammo, and can't get out of here.

[final scene: B.A. is driving Murdock, Hannibal and Face into a cell, menacingly waiving a nightstick at them, as a retribution for flying him to Rivertown]
Face: Now wait a minute, wait a minute, remember your oath as a deputy not to hurt other deputies?
"B.A." Baracus: [pointing to the table] I see three badges on the table. That mean you are civilians. I still got my badge. And as official law officer of Rivertown, I'm giving you guys two days in jail.
[B.A. locks the cell, takes the key from the lock and hits the bars with the nightstick, making Face and Murdock recoil]
"B.A." Baracus: I love it... when a plan comes together!
[B.A. smiles triumphantly]

[after they finished beating up the whole gang, B.A., Faceman and Murdock stand in the middle of the bar, draw their guns and shoot towards the ceiling]
"B.A." Baracus: Freeze! Peace officers!
Face: Nicely phrased.

[the A-Team sits at picnic table. Hannibal gives the others hamburgers and chips, and explains their mission]
"Hannibal" Smith: We're on our way to San Marcos. We are the new sheriffs of Rivertown.
Murdock: [excitedly] Wow! Sheriffs! I always wanted to get into law enforcement. I saw every TV Western and never missed a rerun of 'the Rifleman'.
"Hannibal" Smith: I hope not, Murdock, because it's a tough place.
"B.A." Baracus: Hey Hannibal, what ever happened to the other sheriffs they sent to Rivertown?
"Hannibal" Smith: Disappeared, without a trace, as they say.
Face: [snickers] And you said 'Sounds like a challenge'.
"Hannibal" Smith: Face, a lot of people are gonna benefit from this. And they agreed to pay our fee. They even offered to let us take their new executive jet for the trip.
[Hearing the word 'jet', B.A. raises his head suspiciously]

[Hearing that they are going to Rivertown by airplane, B.A. gets suspicious]
"B.A." Baracus: Hey Hannibal, you know I don't flying! And I've seen that trick before: you give me a burger and expect me to eat it!
"Hannibal" Smith: [sighs] B.A., you know you get cranky on an empty stomach. Now, eat your burger.
"B.A." Baracus: Not this time! I ain't falling for no sleeping powder in my burger. I'm taking yours!
[B.A. switches his burger with Hannibal's]
"Hannibal" Smith: Help yourself... just fine.
"B.A." Baracus: You figured I would think my burger was spiked and take yours! I'm taking Face's.
[B.A. takes Face's burger and gives him Hannibal's]
Face: OK.
[Face chuckles. Hearing this, B.A. gets suspicious again]
"B.A." Baracus: Wait a minute... I've got it! You figured I'd take your burger, get wise to it, then take Face's burger! And Face's burger is the one that got the sleeping powder in it... or Murdock's!
[Murdock looks at his hamburger, then offers it to B.A]
"B.A." Baracus: Hey, wait a minute, I'm on to you guys... the one place you would never put sleeping powder, and that's in the first burger you gave me!
[B.A. takes back his original hamburger from Hannibal, gives him Face's, then takes large bite from his hamburger. Nothing happens. Hannibal, blank expression on his face, gives B.A. small carton of milk. B.A., in the euphoria of his 'victory', drinks the milk without suspicion]
"B.A." Baracus: That's what I know!
[B.A. chuckles, but falls to sleep. Murdock grabs B.A.'s hambuger as he falls down, putting it in the bag]
Face: And he was doing so well...

[the A-Team is at the sheriff's office in Rivertown. Hannibal, Face and Murdock are wearing sheriff's uniform. B.A., still under the sleeping powder effect, is in one of the jail cells]
"Hannibal" Smith: [locks the cell where B.A. is] He should be waking up any time now.
Murdock: Well, I sure hope these bars are strong, because he is gonna be mad. Not to mention the fact that he'll never eat lunch with us again.
"Hannibal" Smith: I don't know, Murdock. He has a very forgiving heart.
Face: [leans his feet on the desk] You know, it's gonna be nice, to be on the right side of the law for a change.
"Hannibal" Smith: [smiles] You like that, ah, Face?
Murdock: [waving his pistols] Pow-Pow-Pow... I call these babies 'Betsy' and 'Bertha'. As B.A. might say: I pity the poor man who crosses my path, because I am ready, willing and able to take on any bad guy who wants a taste of 'Fast-Draw' Murdock.
[Hannibal gives Murdock a thumbs up. Suddenly B.A. wakes up and start screaming]

[as the sleeping powder wears off, B.A. wakes up screaming and finds himself in jail cell]
"B.A." Baracus: [stands, examining his sorroundings] What is this?
Murdock: 'What is this?' Well, after giving it a lot of thought and summing the situation real quick, this is one very mad B.A., holding on the bars of a jail cell... from the inside.
"B.A." Baracus: Hannibal, let me out of here! You tricked me. You put me to sleep again!
Murdock: [takes a metal cup] What you've got to do B.A., I've seen it in all the gangster pictures, is...
[Murdock rakes the cup across the cell bars, making terrible noise]
Murdock: ...and call up the warden's name.
"B.A." Baracus: [covers his ears] Hannibal!
[Hannibal gestures to Murdock to stop. Murdock complies]
"Hannibal" Smith: B.A., I have to swear you in as an official deputy of Rivertown. You have to take the oath.
"B.A." Baracus: [sullenly] If I take it, will you let me out?
"Hannibal" Smith: Word of honor. Face, swears him in.
Face: [gets up, gets the bible and approaches the cell] Put your hand on the bible. Raise your right hand.
[B.A. puts his left hand on the bible, raises his right hand but crosses his fingers]
Face: [scolding] B.A., this is the bible!
[reluctantly, B.A. uncrosses his fingers]
Face: [reciting the oath] 'I, B.A. Baracus, will do all the laws of Rivertown. I will conduct myself as an honorable peace officer and obey at all time, all the rules of deputyship'. Do you so swear?
"B.A." Baracus: [grudgingly] I swear!
Face: [gives B.A. deputy badge] There you go. Done!
"Hannibal" Smith: [unlocks the cell] Thanks, Face. OK, B.A., you're a free man.
"B.A." Baracus: Now I'll tear you guys apart...

Face: You want me to pick up who?
"Hannibal" Smith: Lupus. He works for Boyle. We saw him yesterday.
Face: Oh yeah, that's the big one, about 6' 4", built like a chest of drawers?
Murdock: Yeah, that's the guy. Now you be careful, he almost killed B.A. He's at least 6' 5", 240 pounds!
"Hannibal" Smith: Now, I'll check out his office. You check out his house. If that guy Lupus shows, bag him.
Face: Wait... the guy is 6' 6", 250 pounds, he almost killed B.A., and you want ME to bag him?
"Hannibal" Smith: Sure!
Face: [checks his pistol] Right... well, you don't care how I go about it, do you, colonel?
"Hannibal" Smith: No... use alacrity, and you can call me 'Sheriff'.


"The A-Team: Bullets and Bikinis (#3.1)" (1984)
"Faceman" Peck: [at the dentist] Aw, relax, relax! B.A. Dentists are our friends. And if you're real good, he, eh, might give you a sucker when you're done.
"B.A." Baracus: A sucker is what I feel like for being here.

"Faceman" Peck: You know, I think my idea of having all the help wear bikini's is really gonna pay off...

"Hannibal" Smith: We gotta get our hands on Joey's girl. She knows what we need to know.
Sandy: I hear you can find her every morning taking her beauty swim at her private beach, usually without her clothes on.
"Hannibal" Smith: Really? Perfect. Face, you go out and say hello.
"Faceman" Peck: Why, you mean that sweet, beautiful creature who pulled a 357 Magnum on you?

Sandy: I don't know how we can ever pay you back for all you've done for us.
"Hannibal" Smith: I got a tan, what more could I want?
Sandy: And eh, I think I owe you an apology, Mr. Peck.
"Faceman" Peck: What happened to 'Face'?
Sandy: Well, I respect you now.

"B.A." Baracus: What is this, Hannibal?
[throws him a newspaper]
"Hannibal" Smith: It's today's paper.
"B.A." Baracus: Right. Today's paper, which means today is the ninth. Which means I got here in a day.
"Faceman" Peck: Well, what's a day or two among friends?
"B.A." Baracus: A plane ride, to me!

Denise: You okay?
"Faceman" Peck: Oh yeah, my legs are just a little weak from two hours of dog paddling.

Tina: Took you long enough. I was only going to give you five more minutes.
"Faceman" Peck: With a body like she had? Heh, not a chance.

"Faceman" Peck: [after being rescued from pretending to drown] My whole life was passing before my eyes... I saw my little red wagon, my G.I. Joe doll!

Denise: I think he's having trouble breathing, he probably needs mouth to mouth.
"Faceman" Peck: Ah yes, yes.
Denise's Bodyguard: I know CPR, I can do it.
"Faceman" Peck: Huh! Ah! I can breathe, I can breathe.


"The A-Team: Children of Jamestown (#1.2)" (1983)
Amy: Wow. Those blood capsules are really realistic.
Face: Think so, huh? I accidentally swallowed the capsules. Hannibal split the inside of my lip.
Hannibal: Sorry, kid. You walked right into that one.
Face: [spitting out a tooth] Oh, there goes another cap!
B.A. Baracus: Hannibal, why did you go bust Face-man in the lip for? You know you make him ugly you're gonna mess up our meal-ticket. We won't be able to get into good hotel rooms.

Face: Boy, eh, you really fill out that tunic. You used to be a line backer for the Rams?
Brother Stephen: We do the Lord's work. If you're here to taunt us, please don't.

Coulton's Daughter: Are you sure you're all right? You really should be lying down, you know.
Face: Oh, I can't lie down. Not till we get Hannibal's boots back.

Hannibal: Hey Face, what do you think these guy wear under their skirts?
Face: Uh, I don't know.
[to closest cult member]
Face: Half slip?
[gets hit in the gut with a rifle]
Face: Ohhh!
Hannibal: [to closest cult member] Garter belt?
[gets in the gut with a rifle]
Hannibal: Arrgh!
B.A. Baracus: I think you guys wear panty hose!
[gets hit doesn't react]

Face: [Face to Coulton's daughter about Murdock] That guy's as crazy as a Mexican rattler, but I love him.

Hannibal: [Face has been knocked out] Face, how many fingers am I holding up?
Face: [dazed] Blue... tree!

Amy: I think that you are crude and disgusting. All you do is yell at me! 'The pancakes are lumpy!'
Face: The pancakes ARE lumpy!
Amy: 'The orange juice is too pulpy!'
Face: Will you shut up, Sue Ellen? Just shut your damn yap! You've been braying about coffee all morning so let's just get the coffee and let's go, okay?
Amy: OKAY!

Amy: So now what do we do? How do we get out of here?
Hannibal: Well first off we may not. We could die right here. Accept that. Anything else is just very good luck. Figure you're dead, can you do that?
Amy: Are you kidding?
B.A. Baracus: Look Amy, we all gotta accept death, that way we don't have no fear. It gives us the edge.
Amy: Well I don't think I can.
Face: Try. You gotta try.

Hannibal: [the team has been captured by a cult] Hey, Face, what do think these guys are wearing under their skirts?
Face: Uh, I don't know.
[to closest Cult Member]
Face: Half slip?
[gets hit in gut with a rifle butt]
Face: Ohh!
Hannibal: [to closest cult member] Garter belt?
[gets hit in the gut with a rifle butt]
Hannibal: Arrgh!
B.A. Baracus: I think you guys wear panty hose!
[gets hit. Doesn't react]


"The A-Team: Chopping Spree (#2.19)" (1984)
"Faceman" Peck: You know, we're supposed to be in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. The Prince is real anxious to get back those two wives of his that were kidnapped by the Bedouin Sheik. Also, he's wiring to our account one milion Riyals.
"Hannibal" Smith: That's nice.
"Faceman" Peck: Isn't it?
"B.A." Baracus: Hey man, I don't want those Riyows, or Ryhows, whatever it is, I want cash money!
"Faceman" Peck: Which at the current range of exchange comes to 430.000 dollars, thank you very much.

Tawnia Baker: You're doing it again, Face. Didn't Hannibal say to leave the keys in the ignition?
Face: Aw, It's one thing to leave the car here in Siberia, but to leave the keys?

Templeton Peck: Hey look, give me a week, huh? I'll be out selling every plant coat you got standing around on this lot.
Sam Friendly: A week?
Templeton Peck: Right.
Sam Friendly: You got a day, big shot. Coat not included.
Templeton Peck: Now I know why they call him Mr. Friendly.

Templeton Peck: [quietly] Hannibal, this is disgusting. I'm selling used cars, do you know what that does to the self esteem of an artist like myself?
John "Hannibal" Smith: [disguised as rich Johnny B] Ah, poor chap, sales not going well, what?
Templeton Peck: Not going well? I had to slow down so half the stiffs around here don't think I, my customers are set-ups.

Face: You know, we should have taken that job in Saudi Arabia, then all we'd have to worry about were camels.
[B.A. growls at him]

Templeton Peck: [Face kisses Cindy passionately in order to cover up his safe cracking] I've been wanting to do that from the moment I first met you.
Cindy: It looks like we've got a lot in common.
Templeton Peck: Really?
Cindy: Pumpkin.
[she kisses him again]

Templeton Peck: Mr. Friendly, Johnny B. is here for his Porsche.
Sam Friendly: It ain't here. Tell him it ain't here.
Templeton Peck: Oh, but he's gonna...
Sam Friendly: What do you want me to do, give birth to it, huh?

Murdock: Two guys, they took it.
Tawnia Baker: Thank heavens!
Face: They took my 'Vette?
Murdock: No, the van.
Face: They took the van AND the 'Vette?
Murdock: No! They took the van and not the 'Vette. Hannibal and B.A. got in the 'Vette to go after the van. And they took my plant!

"Hannibal" Smith: How come he punched you in the eye but he didn't fire you?
Face: Well he may be mad, but he's not stupid. I sell a lot of cars.


"The A-Team: Mexican Slayride (#1.1)" (1983)
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Murdock and I will handle the film commission.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Are we doing "Boots and Bikini's" again? Aw, I hate that movie.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: We're gonna keep making it till we get it right.

José the Hotel Manager: Beunos dias, señor, are you checking in?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I'm with 20th Century Fox, we're with the movie company.
José the Hotel Manager: Eh, pardon me sir?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: The Farrah Fawcet, Bo Derek, Loni Anderson movie?
José the Hotel Manager: The what?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Of course you've been told about it?

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Do you do this all the time?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: We haven't done the movie company in six months.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [referring to B.A] Is he nuts?
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: No, I'm nuts, he's just an angry mudsucker.

Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Excuse me, but what are you doing?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: We're tying him up so he won't kill us if he comes to.
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: I see.
[pause]
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Excuse me again, but isn't he one of you? I mean, isn't he on the team?
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Yes.
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: So then why did you have to drug him?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: He hates the pilot.
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Hates the pilot? Why?
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Because our pilot is insane.

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I had to bring your uncle Deke into this.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: How is Uncle Deke?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: You don't have an Uncle Deke.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Oh that's too bad, I was just starting to like him.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: No, you hate him. He used to beat you.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: That creep!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Murdock, can you fly a Gulf Stream?
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: If it's got wings, I can fly anything. Hey Faceman, what's a Gulf Stream?

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: We got the plane but Miguel's having trouble coming up with the poison, he wants to use bleach but now he's starting to wheeze everytime he walks.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Hey, use ammonia, it's great!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Good idea, Murdock.


"The A-Team: Holiday in the Hills (#1.8)" (1983)
[Hannibal has just drugged B.A. and his head has hit the horn]
Face: Why does he always fall on the horn?
Hannibal: Beats me.

Face: I like working for the church now and then. Insurance against Judgement day.

Face: We're probably the only guys to survive an airplane crash only to be killed minutes later by an irate passenger.

Murdock: [Carrying B.A] This is the last time I'm carrying him.
Face: You think it's easy on this end? I got 200 pounds of gold pulling me down. Maybe it would help if we took the jewelry off?
Murdock: No, can't, I think he's got it hooked up to a burglary alarm.

Hannibal: [Pretending to be in hostile territory] Face, take the point.
Face: Anybody want to switch?
Hannibal: Face!

Face: Are you nuts?
Murdock: Absolutely and totally.
Face: How am I gonna get all this stuff out here in the middle of nowhere?
Murdock: Hey, you always say you can anything, anywhere anytime.
Face: Yeah, I...
Murdock: Think of it as a challenge. How did you get that '53 Cadillac convertable in the jungles of 'Nam?
Murdock: [more skeptical] How did you get that '53 Cadillac convertable in the jungles of 'Nam?
Face: Professional secret.
Hannibal: Of course, he was a lot younger then.

Louanne: You know, I've always been kinda fascinated with priests because they aren't allowed. I mean they don't...
Face: Ah, but sometimes... they do.
Louanne: Oh no! You and Mary-Anne?
Face: Sometimes the runner... stumbles.
Louanne: Oh father, I'm truly sorry. What can I do to help?
Face: Well... would you happen to have a gasoline engine?

Face: Hannibal, sometimes I think you're crazier than Murdock.
Hannibal: [laughs] Sometimes I am.


"The A-Team: Cowboy George (#4.16)" (1986)
[Boy George reveals his contract stipulated a fee of $1.2 million]
Hannibal: Face?
Face: We'll, I've been so busy, I didn't get a chance to explain our little contractual divot, here.
Hannibal: Face, $1.2 million is not a divot, it is a crater!

[Murdock, with help from Boy George, has disguised himself as a pregnant woman in order to gain entry to the jail-house]
Murdock: Herbert, open up, darling, its Cynthia!
Hannibal: Cynthia, go away!
Murdock: Herbert, oh Herbert, we have to talk, for the baby!
B.A. Baracus: Baby? what's that fool talking about?
Face: Let's open up and find out!

[Hannibal, Face and B.A. have been locked in a small-town jailhouse by a fake sheriff, who then leaves with all his deputies]
Face: Why would they lock us up then take off?
Hannibal: They've probably gone to tell the townsfolk that *we* stole their money. Make a great diversion - the bad guys get away, while the locals start looking at us, and throwing ropes over tree limbs.
Face: Makes sense!
Hannibal: I think we need to figure a way out of this jail, guys!
B.A. Baracus: That's why we brought you along, Hannibal. That's you're department!
Hannibal: Okay, the Hannibal Smith Ideas Department is now open for suggestions!
B.A. Baracus: That's not an idea, Hannibal!
Face: [Walking to the bars and taking a small pouch from his pocket] Well, I have an idea.
Hannibal: [Looking at the pouch] A set of lock picks! You know, sometimes Face, your sense of larceny is your most attractive trait!
Face: I know!

Hannibal: The Hannibal Smith Idea Department is now open for suggestions.
B.A. Baracus: That's not an idea, Hannibal.
Face: Well guys,
[sighs]
Face: ... I have an idea.
[produces a small bag from his pocket]
Hannibal: A set of lockpicks.
Face: Hm hmm.
Hannibal: Face, sometimes you're sense of larceny is your most attractive trait.
Face: I know.

Face: Wait a minute, see I, I agreed to book Cowboy George...
Boy George: Well, I'm Boy George and I agreed to play the Arizona Forum.
Face: Forum, ah, well there's no Forum here, I mean this is a bar, this is a dance hall, it's called the 'Floor'em'.

Hannibal: Face, how could you trust a guy named 'Dash'?
Face: You see, he owes me a little favor, 'cause I, eh, helped him out with his, eh, ex-wife.

[Hannibal, Face and B.A. have left the cell, only to find they can't leave because the jail-house surrounded by angry townspeople]
Face: [Walking in from the cell area] I just found the real sheriff - dead!
B.A. Baracus: Oh, man, they're going to think we killed him!
Hannibal: Well, I admit that this situation has some ragged edges, but I can't think with all this noise!

[Murdock enters the jail-house]
Murdock: [Lifting up the dress] Hold your breath, and remember your exercises.
[In a whisper]
Murdock: Explosives!
Hannibal: [Collecting the explosives] Great, Murdock, just great
Face: You know, Murdock, you look more attractive to me as a woman than you do as a man!
Murdock: Face, we haven't got time for that. Boy George is waiting behind the sheriff's office - we've got to go!


"The A-Team: Mind Games (#4.9)" (1985)
Templeton Peck: Come on, guys, cheer up! I mean, it's not like I'm leaving you. Okay, sure, I won't have the fun of galloping through mud holes and getting shot at, but, uh, I'll be with you in spirit!

Templeton Peck: That's right, Chuck-a-Luck, it was tough, but you know, when, when, things are tough, sometimes they make you a better man.
Chuck-a-Luck the Chicken: Why, that's really interesting, Faceman.
[clucks]
Chuck-a-Luck the Chicken: My b-b-b-barnyard friends were telling me just the other day, that when they got accused of something they didn't do, that was really tough, because they got very angry!

Murdock: If Faceman does leave...
Templeton Peck: I'm not leaving, Murdock, I'm just gonna be our agent on surface, that's all.
Murdock: As I was saying, if Faceman does leave, why can't I be the new scrounger? You know, new hair, swank new threads, I could drive the 'vette...
Templeton Peck: Oh, eh, scuse me, Murdock, the 'vette goes with me

Templeton Peck: Who are you?
General 'Bull' Fulbright: Fulbright, General Harland Fulbright.
Templeton Peck: 'Bull' Fulbright, the... Terror of Toledo? Well, well, well, and what are you doing here, General?
General 'Bull' Fulbright: I'm here to squash you and all the slime you run around with. You see, I know what you really are.
Templeton Peck: A war hero, unjustly charged with crimes he didn't commit.
General 'Bull' Fulbright: Not even close. You're garbage that got wrapped up in a nice package.

Templeton Peck: [holding his autobiography, "Pecking Away At The System"] 'Course, we're gonna get Bob to play me, you know, we're gonna have to center it on the Faceman character, slightly.
"B.A." Baracus: Bob who?
Templeton Peck: Redford.

Templeton Peck: Oh, Hannibal, did you see the news? My pardon went poof!

Templeton Peck: [a grenade lands at his feet] Murdock, what about the grenade?
Murdock: I didn't pull the pin out.
[unties Face]
Templeton Peck: Murdock, I swear, I never touched that girl.
Murdock: Put it in your book!

Templeton Peck: Templeton is the name.
E.G. Fowler: Actually, your name originally was Alvin Brenner. Then you had it legally changed to Al Brennan, then to Al Peck, then to Holmes Morrison, then to Morrison Holmes, and then to Templeton Peck.


"The A-Team: In Plane Sight (#2.14)" (1984)
Face: You really think anyone who lives in Porterville is gonna have enough money to finance one of our operations? Come on, Hannibal, we keep subsidising these, eh, charity cases out of our own pockets and pretty soon we're gonna end up on the streets.
Murdock: Never. You can always stay at my place. Plenty of beds.

Templeton Peck: [B.A. has been hypnoticed in order to get him on a plane] To think of all the sodium penthanol we waisted when all we had to do is hypnotise him.

Faceman: I don't believe it. You mean they actually keep records on drug smuggling?
Hannibal: Everybody keeps records. Even ones they never want found. Remember Nixon?

B.A. Baracus: Hey, Hannibal, I ain't flying, man. Now I don't know how you guys be getting me in and out of these planes, but this time I'm ready for you. This time...
Face, Hannibal: Eclipse.
[B.A. falls into a hypnotic trance]

Drug Dealer Wilson Corless: Who's this guy?
Mack Dalton: His doctor. We needed him to get out of the hospital. And we figured we he'll probably help out, cause this banana keeps slipping in and out of reality every five minutes.
Drug Dealer Wilson Corless: He's gotta get us to that plane.
Mack Dalton: He'll get us to that plane, won't he, doctor?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I'm his doctor, I don't control his mind.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: [Murdock, as Mr. Nash, has fainted] Did you hear that, Mr. Nash? Would you like another painkiller?
Mack Dalton: [cocks his gun] I got a pain killer for the both of ya. Now where's the plane?

Faceman: We're outta ammo, B.A., give me some clips.
B.A. Baracus: What?
Faceman: Clips, gimmie clips!
Judy Rogers: [B.A. falls into a hypnotic trance] You said the trigger word. You said 'eclips'!


"The A-Team: Curtain Call (#2.23)" (1984)
Face: I told you Decker saw us at that toll crossing this morning.
Hannibal: Well, you were right, feel better now?

Tax Accountant Artie Simmons: What happened to you?
Face: [posing as 'Bareclaw' Jones] Well, I've been lookin' for the big one. Yeah, only, he found me.
Tax Accountant Artie Simmons: Who found you?
Face: Old Luke.
Tax Accountant Artie Simmons: Luke?
Face: Yeah, a griz. Big, ugly, mean, Yeah, I've been after him for a year.
Tax Accountant Artie Simmons: I told you there were bears around here!
Face: Bears? We ain't talking bears, we're talking Bears!
[points to his eyepatch]
Face: What do you think, I got this from winking too much? No sirree, Old Luke gave me this. I'd show you fellers what's under this eh, patch, only you fellers probably just had lunch.

Hannibal: Face, you're gettin' slow.
Face: Slow? Twelve minutes? Hannibal, I had to say hello!

Tawnia Baker: Face, are you listening to me? You go in there and you'll be on the first flight to Leavenworth.
Face: Listen, without those medical supplies, Murdock is dead, so it doesn't matter what the risk is, now does it? And, like you said, the worst that could happen is I go to prison. Not exactly my idea of little fun in the sun, but eh, the hours are regular, the food's plentiful and there's plenty of starch in the shirts.

Tawnia Baker: Face, you're amazing! I can't believe you pulled it off.
Face: Well, green always was my lucky color!

Face: This time's it's checkmate.

Tawnia Baker: Face, the uniform wil never work. Decker will recognize you the moment you walk in. Are you listening to me? You go in there and you'll be on the first flight to Leavenworth.
Face: Listen, without those medical supplies Murdock is dead so it doesn't matter what the risk is, does it? Besides, people very seldom look at what's right under their nose, right?


"The A-Team: Moving Targets (#3.19)" (1985)
Face: Knock knock!
"Pasadena" Murdock: Who's there?
B.A. Baracus: Us.
"Pasadena" Murdock: Us who?
B.A. Baracus: Us who's gonna knock you out, fool!

"Pasadena" Murdock: You can call me 'Pasadena' Murdock.
B.A. Baracus: Makes more sense to call you 'fool'!
"Pasadena" Murdock: But 'fool' doesn't have that nice ring to it.
Hannibal Smith: What's this?
Face: Oh, he's an adventurer, forging new frontiers.
Hannibal Smith: No kidding!

Face: [having to untie B.A.s ropes after transporting him in a plane] I'd rather sit naked with a king cobra then let him out of that plane!

Salina: [carrying a heavy backpack] I don't suppose you want to carry this for me?
Face: Ah, no, I was about to ask you the same thing.

Face: We seem to have more in common than we thought.
Salina: Are you supposed to be getting married tomorrow too?

[Murdock has just crashed the plane with B.A. tied up on board and awake]
B.A. Baracus: Hannibal, you gonna look worse than this plane if you don't let me outta here!
Hannibal Smith: Well,
[sighs]
Hannibal Smith: it's time to let B.A. out.
Face: This, I'm gonna love.
B.A. Baracus: Pretty soon, I'm gonna be really mad, Hannibal.
Face: [groans] I'd rather sit naked with a king cobra than let him outta that plane.
Hannibal Smith: Face, relax. Once I explain to him the circumstances under which he got aboard the plane, he's gonna be very understanding.
Face: Hm. You don't really believe that, do you?
Hannibal Smith: [smiling] Of course not.
B.A. Baracus: That's it, Hannibal. Now I'm really mad. Let me loose! I'm gonna get even with you!
Hannibal Smith: Now, uh, just take it easy, B.A.
B.A. Baracus: Take it easy? I'm gonna hit you so hard, I'm gonna knock you into next week!

Face: [the team's plane is starting to malfunction] Uh, Murdock, what's going to happen?
Murdock: Looks like we're going to crash.'
Face: No, what's *really* going to happen?
Murdock: Looks like we're going to crash and die.


"The A-Team: Where Is the Monster When You Need Him? (#4.3)" (1985)
Jenny: It's my first real featured acting role. Eh, I did a 'Love Boat' in May, but I was mostly just background. Except for I did say 'Good Morning Mr. Faskin' to Donald O'Connor out by the pool.
Faceman: Oh, Jenny, Jenny, say that again!
Jenny: What, you mean the 'Good morning Mr. Faskin' line?
Faceman: Yes, yes, just the way you said it before.

Faceman: Murdock, eh, how does she look?
Murdock: This is what we call in pilot land a coffin with wings and it's a good thing that the big angry guy hasn't laid eyes on it or you'd be looking for a soft place to sit, you know what I mean?
Faceman: Yeah, I know what you mean.
One Shot: Hey, who's that giant with the mohawk that's passed out in the cabin?
Faceman: Oh, him, don't worry about him, he's just there for ballast.

Sheriff: You must turn the plane around now, or I will be forced to take you all prisoner.
Faceman: [to sheriff] My amigo! Look, only a week ago I was down here; you said to me, "hombre de carra,"
[to others listening]
Faceman: that's, uh 'Faceman' in Spanish.
[to sheriff]
Faceman: You said, 'me casa e su casa."
[to others]
Faceman: That's 'my house is your house.'
[to sheriff]
Faceman: Well, whatever happened to come to my house and be a guest for dinner, whatever happened to all that, amigo mio stuff, huh?
Hannibal: Does, uh, this guy have a daughter, Face?

Jenny: [Jenny is the stereotypical "dumb blonde."] Everybody's really angry with you and I don't think it's fair. I mean, you had it all set up. They broke their promises.
Faceman: Oh, I know, Jenny. I just don't understand it. I lie, I cheat, I steal, and I just don't get any respect!
[Jenny looks blank]
Faceman: That's a joke,
[laughs nervously]
Faceman: just a little joke.
Jenny: Oh!

Jerry: How can we beat these guys with prop weapons and special effects?
Hannibal: Jer, you never know how clever or stupid the enemy is until you test him!
Jenny: [speaking to Face] Hey, be careful, okay?
Faceman: Ah, Careful is my name.
Hannibal: Lake Charles is your name.
[Firmly leads Face away from Jenny]

Faceman: [Face has been looking over the contract to see if he can find a way around Charles quitting the movie] It says here that Lake, Charles T. has to perform the part.
Jerry: Yes!
Faceman: Yes.
Jerry: He just left!
Faceman: No, no, no, no, Jerry, Charles Lake left, Lake Charles is standing here, looking at ya!

Hannibal: Ramon DeJarro.
Faceman: You know him?
Hannibal: [nods] The most famous torturer in Argentina. This guy's wanted by 10 governments for war crimes.
Faceman: Well what do you think he's doing here?
Hannibal: Whatever it is, we aren't going to like it.


"The A-Team: Timber! (#3.5)" (1984)
Samantha Lawrence: If I were just a man, I would haul off and crack McEwan one right across the jaw.
Face: Well, I'm glad you're not a man. I like you just the way you are.

Murdock: People have been looking for this missing link for years. I'm gonna tie this baby and I'm gonna get my name right up there with Charles Darwin and Leo Bell.
Hannibal: Leo Bell, who's that?
Murdock: That's the guy in the room next to me. He's got a mouth so big he can put a whole jar of peanut butter in it, lid and all.
Hannibal: Really?
Murdock: Aye.
Face: Jealous?

Face: Boy, these trees really look a lot bigger when you get outside...
Hannibal: The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
Face: Now, you had to use that one, didn't you, Hannibal?

Samantha Lawrence: Please be careful.
Face: You can count on it. I'm allergic to bullets, especially those headed in my direction.

Samantha Lawrence: It's a long way to L.A., so I brought you some sandwiches.
[kisses Face on the cheek]
Samantha Lawrence: Your favorite kind.
Face: Ah, my favorite kind?
Samantha Lawrence: Ham sandwiches.

Hannibal: Face, did you see a sign saying we were leaving the country?
Face: No.
Hannibal: No. We're still in the middle of the United States of America, it's a free country, we can go anywhere we want.


"The A-Team: The Out-of-Towners (#1.7)" (1983)
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I figure, If you're gonna tail somebody in New York, they'll never suspect a taxi.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, I need garbage!
[slams the door]
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Now I dont just mean any garbage.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Ah, you mean a specific kind of garbage.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: When I say garbage, I mean garbage, dirty garbage.
Amy Amanda Allen: Most garbage is dirty, Hannibal. That's why they call it garbage.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: No, he means real garbage.
"B.A." Baracus: Only a sucker like you would understand garbage!

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Hannibal, you want all these things: a taxi cab, garbage truck, tv store. You know I don't keep all this stuff in a coffee can in my backyard, you know!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [using a wireless to comunicate] Stay with 'em, kid. And let me know if they pick up reinforcements.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: [into the receiver of a taxi cab] Auf wiedersehen.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: [Face and Hannibal are using walky talkies] Even when they play dirty, they play dirty.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, but we play dirtier.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Hannibal, I know you love it when a plan comes together.


"The A-Team: There's Always a Catch (#2.9)" (1983)
Nurse Lewis: What did you say your friends name was again, please?
Templeton Peck: Eh, Lothar Quint. With a Q. You've probably seen him on daytime soap operas. Had a big guest role on 'Search for Tomorrow'. Played a pro quarterback who turns psychic.Yeah, he was just marvelous.

Templeton Peck: Nice dog, what breed is he, piranha?

Col. Roderick Decker: [the Team has been caught by Decker] By tomorrow morning you'll be eating breakfast with 500 guys just like you.
Templeton Peck: Eh, there is nobody just like us.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [tapping his wristwatch] You know, we've been here almost an hour.
Templeton Peck: Don't tell me what time it is! Tell me what a great plan you just thought of.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [on why he and B.A. won't be scuba diving] B.A. and I have been working out, you two look a little flabby.
Templeton Peck: FlabbY?
Murdock: Just WHAT are we supposed to be doing down there, Colonel, other than not drink the water?

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [Decker has them trapped] Unless...
Templeton Peck: Unless... you mean Murdock? Well it's true what they say, America IS running out of heroes.


"The A-Team: When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?: Part 2 (#2.6)" (1983)
"Hannibal" Smith: You know, this worked great in a movie I once did.
Face: 'The Giant Gila Monster vs. Billy the Kid', right?
"Hannibal" Smith: You remember that one?
Face: Who could forget it?

"Hannibal" Smith: [to Bus Carter] We're here to file a grievance against the Carter Railway Line for the Wild Horses of America, Western Devision.
Face: Not to be confused with the Horse's Butts of America, of which we hear you are a member of long standing.

Face: [Face and B.A. are tied up together] Boy, you must be getting real weak if you can't break these puny little ropes
Face: [B.A. finally breaks out of the ropes and immediately grabs a hold of Face] Ah, ah, I was just kiddin'

Face: B.A. stop moving, you're going to rub me raw with these ropes.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: I ain't moving, the train's moving.
Face: Oh great, just what we need, an Abbott and Costello joke.

Face: Now I want every one of you high school dropouts to count to 125 before you even twitch.

"Hannibal" Smith: [hears the helicopter] There's Murdock.
[picks up a board]
Face: B.A.?
"Hannibal" Smith: Nighty night.


"The A-Team: Firing Line (#5.3)" (1986)
B.A.: Hurry up, Face!
Face: Give me a break, B.A., will ya? It took me all night to turn this spoon into a lockpick.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell: Now, make no mistake, these missions are obviously something I can't give to standard operatives. You must realize the possible consequences.
Face: Suicide missions.
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: Ah, not... all of them.

Hannibal: Well, how long do we have to let you know, I mean, before you get us out?
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: Colonel... That's not part of the deal. I can't get you out.
B.A.: Say what?
Face: Wait a minute, what do you mean you can't get us out of here?
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: Well, I could not assist three federal prisoners convicted of murder in escaping. Contact me upon your successful evasion of your current situation. Then we have a deal.

Face: If Murdock gets us out of this, as far as I'm concerned, he can have anything he wants as long as I live.
B.A.: I don't know... I gotta think about this.

B.A.: How long are you out for, man?
Murdock: Well, as long as I want. I'm, uh, officially released.
Face: What?
Murdock: I'm, I'm, no longer insane.

Face: [reviving after being "executed", sees Carla] Oh, just like I dreamed it would be!
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: [walks up] Welcome, lieutenant.
Face: Aw no, they sent me downstairs, didn't they.


"The A-Team: The Only Church in Town (#2.3)" (1983)
Gail: It's hard to believe I'm spending so much time with one of the top neurologists in the country...
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Yeah, well, I just happen to be one of those guys who doesn't have any trouble separating work... from pleasure.
Gail: You haven't even said one thing about your job.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Oh, well, you know, it's, its a job like any other job, you know: nerves, synapses, ganglions, stuff like that. See, it all boils down to feelings. So in a way, we've been discussing my job all night.

Amy Allen: [Amy and Face are sitting in the back of a car with a knocked out B.A. between them] He really does look so peaceful when he sleeps.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, at least this time he went out with a smile on his face.

Amy Allen: I don't think I've seen this side of you before. Why, I mean Face, ever since I've known you, you've had a different bombshell on your arm. I mean, I never... really thought any one woman could have this effect on you. I guess, eh, Leslie Bektall is maybe the reason why?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: She was the only woman I ever loved.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: You know, eh, you were right. If you had told me on that night 15 years ago that you were going to be a nun, I eh, I don't think I could have accepted it. Then I would have to say goodbye to you and, eh, I'm realising right now how very much I hate to do that.
Sister Teresa: Well, then don't. Besides, it's usually word that somebody is leaving.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Someone is leaving. Me.
Sister Teresa: No, not to me. To me you're always here. You always will be.
[they hug]
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [off screen] Let's go, Lieutenant.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: The commander calls.
[starts to leave]
Sister Teresa: Faceman? God bless you.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: [dressed as a nun, throws his habit over two thugs' heads and knocks them together] Bless you.


"The A-Team: Judgement Day: Part 2 (#4.2)" (1985)
Hannibal Smith: Now Face, if we had endless amounts of money at our disposal and we could do whatever we want, whenever we wanted, we wouldn't really need you, now would we?
Faceman: Hm. That's why I stick around, Hannibal. You have such a wonderful way of making one feel so much a part of the team.

Doctor Forbes: [handing Face a ship's doctor's uniform] It's about, eh, as close to doctors as we get aboard this thing.
Faceman: Ah.
Doctor Forbes: We just dispense liniments for the sunburn and try and assure the people that there has never been a recorded case of death by seasickness.

Lori: Are you absolutely sure that it's Scarlotti?
Faceman: You know, some faces just make an indelible impression. Especially if you see them for the first time over the barrel of a machine gun.

'Howling Mad' Murdock: [B.A. has just driven right through the airplane they flew to Italy in] How could you do that to a poor, defenseless DC3? She didn't stand a chance!
Faceman: I don't believe this...
'Howling Mad' Murdock: Now we're stuck in this country without any means of escape!
Hannibal Smith: Now... the captain has a point there, BA. What have you got to say about it?
B.A. Baracus: [Gleefully] We ain't flyin'!

Faceman: Hannibal, your job is to help women in and out of the pool.
Hannibal Smith: A pool boy?
Faceman: We prefer to say pool persons.


"The A-Team: Wheel of Fortune (#4.13)" (1986)
Nurse Pearlson: May I help you?
Face: Yes, I, I, think you can...
[glancing at her nametag]
Face: Miss eh, Pearlson. I'm looking for a Mr. Murdock.
Nurse Pearlson: Why aren't you looking for me?

B.A. Baracus: Hey Face, what's the idea of sneaking in here without knocking?
Face: I live here!

B.A. Baracus: Hey Face, I like your TV.
Face: You like the refrigerator too, which reminds me, you owe me $400 for the groceries you ate last time you were here.
B.A. Baracus: That reminds me, you're out of milk, you never have enough milk.
Face: Who drinks milk?

H.M. Murdock: [to Face, excited] How're you going to bust me out of the V.A. this time?
[laughing]
H.M. Murdock: We've run out of diseases!
Face: Well we've got two weeks, we'll figure something out.

Face: How long will it take them to put Mr. Murdock's kidney into the general?
Nurse Dodd: Two weeks.
Face: [screams] He left without me!


"The A-Team: Knights of the Road (#3.20)" (1985)
[Face has just been rejected by a girl and he turns to see Murdoch staring at him]
Face: What are you looking at?
Murdock: You. I've been watching you, and I'm worried.
Face: How so?
Murdock: Well, it's a bit disturbing to see the team's Love Doctor hit the ground and cry "Medic!"

John 'Hannibal' Smith: We couldn't turn a police chief in to the police.
Face: Even though we tried.

Face: What're we going to do now? We can't cross the border into Mexico, we're wanted by the police, remember?
John 'Hannibal' Smith: We can cross the border, but not in time to catch up with them.

John 'Hannibal' Smith: [finding a bag of heroin in a car's trunk] Hey Face, look, powdered sugar.
Face: [smiles] Not my brand.

Face: Hey Murdock! There's no business like *tow* business!


"The A-Team: Skins (#3.17)" (1985)
Murdock: Well, B.A. Baracus, what's it feel like now you here? You taking it all in? It's hard to imagine that, centuries ago, your tribesmen, settled right here, on this ground upon which we lay. Look at the dirt, go on, look at it, look at it, look at it. The tips of their toes curdled around each particle of dirt right here in the palm of my hand. The ashes from their campfires, right here in the palm of my hand. The drippings from their pots and pans, right here in the palm of my hand. The leftovers after Sunday dinner right here in the palm of my hand. B.A. Baracus, this is your roots!
B.A. Baracus: [grabs the dirt] This is dirt, fool, which I'm gonna stuff in your face if you don't shut up.
[walks off]
Faceman: What's the matter with him?
Murdock: Eh! Nostalgia.

Faceman: Er, Hannibal, we got a lotta balls juggling here, I just hope your plan comes together.
"Hannibal" Smith: Have a little faith, Lieutenant.

Faceman: I don't believe that. Do you believe that? Do you believe those guys bought that?
Murdock: Look, you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but that sucker back there we could have fooled every time.
Faceman: Yeah, they don't make them bad guys like they used to, do they?

Faceman: [figuring how much poachers make for elephant tusks] You figure 30 pounds per tusk, about $30 a pound, and if they get 40 tusks a day... that comes to... $120,000. Not bad for a day's pay.

Murdock: [B.A.'s freaking out after waking up to a monkey on his bed] First we find out you're afraid of flying, and now you're afraid of simians.
Faceman: Monkeys!


"The A-Team: West Coast Turnaround (#1.9)" (1983)
Face: Well, this is a pretty good mock-up of a squad car, but it's not perfect. So, we're transportation people from Universal Studios, making a movie called 'It came from planet X' . That way we get pulled over by a real highway patrol car, we're not gonna get busted.
B.A.: Good luck with that one, sucker!

Face: Yeah, somebody's gonna be mad at somebody...

Hannibal: Murdock, B.A. take the right. Face, stay with me.
Face: Er, Hannibal, if we're gonna fight, I'd really prefer to be teamed with B.A.
Murdock: Me too.
Hannibal: Are you guys saying you don't wanna team up with me?
Face: Yes.
Murdock: Yes.
Hannibal: Why?
B.A.: I'll tell you why. Because when you're on the jazz, man, you're dangerous!

Face: Excuse me, but would you mind terribly taking your foot down off the bumper there? Er, no offence but it's so rude.
Chuck Easterland: I'm a rude guy.
Face: Oh, well, in that case, go right ahead.

Amy: Is he alright?
Face: Likes to see how big the slug is before he steps on him, is what he likes to do.
B.A.: [Hannibal mumbles] What did he say?
Face: He said I love it when a plan comes together.


"The A-Team: Steel (#2.11)" (1983)
Face: [Hannibal has ordered Face to bring Murdock home] I picked him up! I don't want him in my 'vette. What if he woofs out on me again, I'll get hair on my my seat, drool on my...
Murdock: Oh don't be absurd, you're talking to me as if I was a dog!
[barks]

Face: I was looking for H. M. Murdock's room, well I guess I found it.
Nurse Beth Billings: Well, ehm, he, he started off earlier this morning but we're used to strange behaviour with Mr. Murdock, but he's gotten much worse. I mean if I didn't know better, I'd actually believe he has been bitten and has contracted rabies.
Face: Nurse, believe it.
Nurse Beth Billings: Oh, but that's, that's not possible, you see, Mr. Murdock's dog is a figment of his imagination.
Nurse Beth Billings: [momentarily distracted as Murdock scratches the door] Oh, I'm Sorry doctor, I don't know you, and apparently you're not familiar with this case...
Face: Oh, that's because, eh, I'm not a doctor.
[hands over a business card]
Nurse Beth Billings: The United States Department of Animal Health and Welfare?

Nurse Beth Billings: Wait! Mr. Murdock is a patient here, I can't just release him to someone from the pound!
Face: We happen to be a division of the federal government, I am working in conjunction with the department of health services, which is a jurisdiction over any and all state intuitions, so please, please be careful before coughing up the word pound like that.

Hannibal: [smoking a worn down cigar] I think better with a fresh cigar, Face...
Face: Oh sorry Hannibal, I had to use my last cigar to escape.
Hannibal: Too bad.
Face: Too bad? Too bad?
Murdock: [mouthing] Too bad?

Face: [with Murdock, coming up on a fight between Hannibal, B.A. and the bad guys] It's getting almost predictable, isn't it?


"The A-Team: Showdown! (#3.9)" (1984)
[after trashing the fake A-Team gang]
Face: I think it's time the truth came out, don't you?
Murdock: Yeah, and make sure my name is spelled "Murdock" - that's "Murdock"!
B.A. Baracus: Hey, shut up, fool!
Murdock: Yeah, that's easy for you to say, you're mentioned in the paper!
Hannibal: Now look, Murdock, you're our secret weapon...
Murdock: I don't want to be a secret weapon - I want to be an exposed weapon!

[a gang of hooligans is harassing a circus under the name of the A-Team. The real A-Team reunites, understandably not too pleased with this development]
Face: [waving around a newspaper article] Did you read this, Hannibal? Do you seriously believe this?
Hannibal: I read it - I believe it!
B.A. Baracus: This is bad, Hannibal - real bad! Some guys are coming around and busting heads saying they're the A-Team! There's only *one* A-Team! Us!

Murdock: [reading a newspaper article] "The A-Team. Three Vietnam soldiers on the run from the military." Three soldiers - three! I'm just as much a part of the A-Team as you are, and I'm not mentioned...
Face: Murdock, you're a pilot, you're technically not one of the A-Team - that's why I have to come down here and scam out of your cell every time! But take it from me, you're just as much a part of the A-Team as any of us...

Face: Murdock, did you turn off the water?
Murdock: I knew there was something I forgot.
[takes the faucet knob out of his pocket and drops it on the floor]

Face: You couldn't have shown up two minutes ago when she was putting horse lineament on my face?
Hannibal: Horse lineament, eh?


"The A-Team: Lease with an Option to Die (#4.4)" (1985)
B.A. Baracus: They broke my mother's arm. Nobody puts their hand on my mother and lives to tell about it. We're going to Chicago right now, Hannibal!
Hannibal: B.A., now take it easy. We're behind you on this thing 100 percent.
Face: B.A., whatever you say. Remember, you're our leader.
B.A. Baracus: Look man, I know I exaggerate sometime, but you do it all the time!
Face: Well but ac-, actually, I always felt you had leadership potential.
B.A. Baracus: Hey man, we gotta find the fastest way possible to get to my mother.
Murdock: That's gonna mean flying, big guy.
B.A. Baracus: That's right, flying!

Face: You and your husband live in the building?
Karen: [pause] I'm single. I have a two bedroom on the third floor.
Face: Ah. I'd love to see it sometime.

Faceman: [pretending B.A. leads the A-Team] Boy, B.A., you got us on the jazz now!
Hannibal: Oh, he loves it when a plan comes together!

Hannibal: Mr. Chadway doesn't own this block here.
Face: That'll be a heck of a time trying to get from the lobby to the pool.
B.A. Baracus: I wouldn't want to live there.

Mrs. Baracus: Scooter, honey, you got to do something.
Hannibal: What's the plan B.A.?
B.A. Baracus: Yeah, we need a plan. Let me think.
Hannibal: You know, you were saying on the plane we could take over your mother's lease, now that might be just the thing.
B.A. Baracus: That's right momma, we're gonna take over your lease.
Mrs. Baracus: And where am I supposed to stay?
Hannibal: B.A. thought you might move in with a friend temporarily.
B.A. Baracus: Yeah, that's other part of my plan.
Hannibal: Karen, do you have a tenants association in this building?
Karen: No.
Hannibal: Maybe we should form one, what do you think B.A.?
B.A. Baracus: Good idea Hannibal. We need one of those. That's the first step.
Face: Oh, B.A. you got us on the jazz now!
Hannibal: Oh, he loves it when a plan comes together.


"The A-Team: Recipe for Heavy Bread (#2.2)" (1983)
Face: Hannibal, I don't like it when you get that look.

Faceman: Ah, a riot, isn't it? I supply the hideout and you supply the raspberries.

Murdock: I'm telling you, Face, he can talk.
[shows his golf ball]
Murdock: Say something nice to Faceman,
[speaks gibberish in a high pitched voice]
Face: A lot of them can talk, Murdock, but can he sing?
Murdock: I haven't taught him any songs yet.

Face: B.A., you're destroying the elevator!
B.A. Baracus: Another common area bites the dust.

Face: B.A., don't sit down, you're gonna get grease on the couch. I don't live here, remember? I'm just a guest.
B.A. Baracus: You not even a guest, Mr. Toney comes back he's gonna hit you with a lawsuit.
Face: Not if he can't find me.


"The A-Team: Harder Than It Looks (#2.20)" (1984)
Faceman: Oh, great, an entire terrorist army on our tail and we're out of gas.
Murdock: Well, look at it this way, Face, we hit rock bottom now and the only way we can go is up.
Jennifer Teasdale: [pointing a gun at Hannibal] You're gonna let me go now, or I'm gonna blow you all away.
Faceman: This is up?

Strickland: Your all dead men!
Templeton Peck: Really? Gee, I didn't think I'd feel this good after I was dead. I wanna thank you all for coming to the funeral.

Jennifer Teasdale: You guys are incredible! I can't believe you actually did it!
Templeton Peck: Neither can I. We lost our wheels, B.A. did 15 rounds with Godzilla, Hannibal did a 20 story high dive, we had our boat blown out from under us, and we still managed to save the girl, her boyfriend and retrieve the movey.
Marcus: Now all you have to do is stop them from blowing up the dam.
"Hannibal" Smith: Dam?
"Howling Mad" Murdock: I wanna cry.

Faceman: I probably got a broken nose, Murdock lost some ribs and B.A.'s lost his marbles!

Faceman: You want us to go back and rescue one of your kidnappers from your other kidnappers?


"The A-Team: Water, Water Everywhere (#2.10)" (1983)
Amanda Huston: You know, Face, I got a confession to make.
Face: Good, I'm a Scorpio, you know, we're great at keeping confidences.

Face: You know, when we're apart, we're just a bunch of social misfits. But when we're together... well, that's something very special.

Hannibal: I'm gonna need something mobile. With a tank on it.
Face: Oh, that's all we need, just a tank with wheels, haha, no problem, I can get that at any Seven Eleven store. They're open twentyfour hours.
Amy Allen: Come on Face, we all know you can do it.

Face: Sometimes I think Murdock is the one really tuned into reality.


"The A-Team: Uncle Buckle-Up (#4.12)" (1985)
Face: Ruff the Bear?
Hannibal: This is gonna be it, Face, this is gonna be the part that takes off.
Face: But Hannibal, a bear? And on TV. TV is not for you, you're a powerhouse! You need 28 feet of canvas to explode out of. You'll get lost on the little screen.
Hannibal: Yeah, now, I've been thinking about that, Face. But you know, television is an intmiate medium, and... I'm an intimate kind of a guy.
Face: Like Rambo is an intimate kind of guy.

Hannibal: Well, this is it guys, an actor can tell when his career is coming to an end. You can only play the Aquamaniac a certain number of times before you've explored every aspect of his character. That was my chance at television immortality.
Face: But Hannibal, it was just a bear. They weren't looking for the definitive Hamlet, they just wanted a guy who wouldn't sweat too much in a fur coat.

Face: I wonder who'll get tired first, B.A. or the lion?

Face: Hannibal, what would you know about working on a kid's show?
Hannibal: That's why I called Murdock.


"The A-Team: Bounty (#3.22)" (1985)
Faceman: B.A., I've never heard you sound so concerned about Murdock.
B.A.: I'm not concerned! It's just that the crazy fool can't help himself.

Faceman: Oh, yeah, gee, well, I can't tell you what this means to me. I mean, here I am actually talking to The Cowboy himself. I mean, Billy Bob, Billy Bob! Can't wait to tell the little old lady, I'll now bet she'll never believe me...
Cowboy Billy Bob: Okay, you saw the Cowboy. Now, why don't you two just make like a gun and shoot outta here, huh?

Faceman: [putting on a Wolfman Jack voice] This is The Faceman sitting in for The Cowboy, yessiree, the Facial Phantom of the airwaves!

B.A. Baracus: Poor old Murdock. Out there all alone. Being chased by them bounty hunters. If they do anything to him...
Face: B.A., I've never heard you sound so concerned about Murdock.
B.A. Baracus: I'm not concerned! It's just that the crazy fool can't help himself.
Face: Gee, I think we're seeing a whole other side of Mr. Baracus here.
B.A. Baracus: You ain't seeing nothing! Now let's get Murdock.


"The A-Team: The Sound of Thunder (#4.23)" (1986)
General 'Bull' Fullbright: Colonel Morrison.
B.A. Baracus: Morrison, what about him?
General 'Bull' Fullbright: He's the officer you claim send you on the mission to rob the bank of Hanoi. The mission that you got locked up on. He's the only one that could prove your innocence.
Faceman: You mean 'could have'. He's been dead since '72.
General 'Bull' Fullbright: He can, he's still alive.

B.A. Baracus: Why didn't you try to get your son back through the government?
General 'Bull' Fullbright: It doesn't work that way. In this country, I'm a war criminal. That's why I have to get him out of here, cause he's my son.
Faceman: Well, someone must have known what you're up to. They send, eh, 'Madame Kung Fu' to take you on your last rickshaw ride.

Hannibal Smith: Now look, Tia, I know you don't trust Fulbright, you don't even know what he's about, but that could come with time, if you take some time with him.
Tia: All I take is his life!
Faceman: And they say daughters want everything.

Face: [Murdock has just been shot while he and Face were waiting in the getaway helicopter] You alright?
Murdock: We may not make it to Texarkana but I think we'll make it to the plane.


"The A-Team: Dishpan Man (#5.1)" (1986)
John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, B.A., I'd like you to meet 'Dishpan' Frankie Santana, the best special effects man in Hollywood.
Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Is this the dude who blew you up, Hannibal?
Frankie "Dishpan" Santana: And who are you, a labor rep from the jewelery market?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I like him. He's got a reckless streak.

John "Hannibal" Smith: He says Captain Curtis is alive.
H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Curtis is alive?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Wait a minute: then he could testify that we hit that bank in Hanoi under orders. Yeah, then we'd uh - we'd be free to be normal people. No offense, Murdock

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Hannibal, just one question. How are we gonna get on an airplane controlled by terrorists?
John "Hannibal" Smith: Effects!

Frankie "Dishpan" Santana: [referring to Murdock] Who is he?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, eh, when we get on the plane, you can sit next to him and if you figure him out, let us know.


"The A-Team: Diamonds 'n Dust (#2.1)" (1983)
Face: [to Hannibal] Don't you smile at me like that... that's not even a real smile! It's just a bunch of teeth playing with my mind!

Face: [speaking to a potential client] We don't work mines, I don't see how we can help you.

Murdock: I, I don't know if this is gonna work, Face. What country did you say this uniform's from?
Face: Sherman Oaks neighborhood watch and parent patrol.
Murdock: What rank?
Face: Chief crossing guard.
Murdock: Terrific.
Face: Murdock, It's the singer, not the song.

Face: That's not even a real smile! It's just a bunch of teeth playing with my mind!


"The A-Team: One More Time (#1.10)" (1983)
"B.A." Baracus: Where are we?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Borneo.
"B.A." Baracus: Where?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Shhh!
"Faceman" Peck: Borneo. You know, small island in the Western Pacific Ocean divided between Malaysia, Indonesia and Brunei.
"B.A." Baracus: Are you sure?
"Faceman" Peck: Positive. I used to date a geography major.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: The U.S. Military pushed you out of an airplane.
"Faceman" Peck: That's right, pushed all of us.
"B.A." Baracus: Hey man, the last thing I remember, we were being detained by the MP's. We all were. And they don't push out no airplane for robbin' no bank of Hanoi!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: 'm afraid they did, when we told them we wouldn't take the mission if you didn't come along. I think they spiked our milk.
"Faceman" Peck: Yeah, and that's a terrible thing to do to something that baby's drink.

Rashaad: American commando's illegally in my country without papers? Hehe, this will be an international incident.
"Faceman" Peck: What do you mean international incident? We heard you had great potato soup and wanted to get some before it was all gone.

"Faceman" Peck: What about that trial?
Rashaad: I find you guilty. You will be shot within an hour.


"The A-Team: The Heart of Rock N' Roll (#4.6)" (1985)
Face: Boy, C.J. Mack. I wore out three copies of his 'Blood Simple' album when we were in 'Nam.
B.A.: Hey man, there isn't a dude alive who haven't heard of C.J. Mack.
Murdock: You can say that again, brother, for right in the middle of the blood and the guts and the noise, you could hear the reasuring sounds of C.J. Mack. And 'Blood Simple' was practically the common soldier's anthem.
Hannibal: That was before he got send up for manslaugther.
Rick James: Before he got send for manslaughter, that's nothing. The judge gave him full sentence man, 'cause he was rock and roll and loud music and all that silly nonsense. But that was way back then. And he pleaded guilty. And he admitted he fell asleep at the wheel, and he admitted he hit the girl, but he wasn't on no drugs, he didn't have any alcohol in his system. He's a special kinda cat, man, and he took the full account. I don't know what it is, but something's happened, he's into something, and I really wanna help him.

Faceman: I was wondering if you might have a moment?
Devon Paige: Not for people who approach me in underground garages. I have an office, call for an appointment.

Faceman: See, I'm, I'm James Peppich of the Central Bureau of Parol Applicants.
Devon Paige: [pulls a gun on him] Wrong. You are not anyone called James Peppich and there is no such thing as the devision of Parol Applications.
Faceman: Lucky for you! You'd be in a lot of trouble pointing that gun at me.
Devon Paige: I have a license to carry this. I also happen to be a very good shot and will have no trouble if I decide to shoot you.
Faceman: Let's avoid that at all costs!

Face: [the warden addresses Hannibal as 'Colonel Smith'] He knows who you are!
Hannibal: The price of fame.


"The A-Team: The Big Squeeze (#3.15)" (1985)
Face: I don't know why I hang out with you guys, I'm beginning to loose my grip on reality.
Murdock: It's about time!

Murdock: [Irish accent] Are you friends of the bride or the groom?
Face: Murdock, this is a funeral, not a wedding.
B.A. Baracus: Friends of the groom!
Murdock: Go in front then.
B.A. Baracus: Fool!

Hannibal: [Irish accent] I feel called upon to quote my dear departed father...
B.A. Baracus: Aw Hannibal, I've had enough of you and your dearly departed father. I don't like Irish proverbs.
Hannibal: Oh, you'll like this one.
B.A. Baracus: No I won't.
Hannibal: Oh yes you will. The proverb says that 'Seldom is the last of any thing better than the first'.
Face: 'Seldom is the last of any thing better than the first', that doesn't make any sense.
Hannibal: Of course it does. It means: 'I love it when a plan comes together!'

Face: [about their Irish pub] Hannibal, do we it *have* to call it 'The Naked Lady'?
Hannibal: Absolutely.
Face: Ah. And may I ask why?


"The A-Team: Till Death Do Us Part (#1.11)" (1983)
"Hannibal" Smith: You look just like that guy at Lucy's in Saigon.
"Faceman" Peck: Well, you look like Lucy.

"Hannibal" Smith: I've explained it to you before: If we get Jackie in a marriage contract, Calvin can't touch her. If he kills her, you get the money.
"Faceman" Peck: But what if he kills me?
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, then the orphanage in your will gets the money. See, he gets nothing!

"Faceman" Peck: I'm sorry things couldn't have worked out another way, but eh, now that you've dumped your husband, what are you doing tonight?
Jacqueline 'Jackie' Taylor: Hmm.
[laughs]
Jacqueline 'Jackie' Taylor: I think things worked great. Besides, Face, you're not the marrying kind. It would take you about a week to get the seven year itch.

"Faceman" Peck: [Murdock chases after the van dressed as the bride] Come to me, my precious!


"The A-Team: Semi-Friendly Persuasion (#2.22)" (1984)
Face: You say you're Society doesn't believe in violence, well, eh, we're not exactly caterers.
Eric: We want you to build our meeting house.
Hannibal: We're not exactly carpenters, either.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, Paris doesn't have to worry about losing the tourists to all of the dear old Kellisburg.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: Well, sometimes there's a lot to be said for the quiet life.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Yeah, none of it good.

"Hannibal" Smith: Well you see, that's what comes when you build too close to the road: anything can crawl in.
Kale Sykes: Who the hell are you?
"Faceman" Peck: Pretty snappy comeback!
Kale Sykes: I asked you a question, boy!
"Hannibal" Smith: Face, did he call me 'boy'?
"Faceman" Peck: Yeah, no doubt about it, this is definitely a force to be reckoned with.

Face: Hannibal, I hate waiting around to watch the end.


"The A-Team: A Small and Deadly War (#1.4)" (1983)
Face: The magic word is... tuberculosis.
[Murdock starts coughing violently]

Face: Yeah, when I was a kid I always wanted to be a policeman. Did you know that?
Hannibal: No.
Face: Why, I remember, in the orphanage, I had a whole scrapbook of Dick Tracy and his crime stopper texts.
Hannibal: Really.
Face: Oh yeah, my favorite TV show was Dragnet.

Face: Replace the button on the collar with one from the kit.
Amy: Bringing me along to sow, how wonderfully sexist.
Face: Well, we each do what we have to do. If you think you can pick these three locks in ten minutes, then eh...

Hannibal: It's the same plan we nailed that Kong General with outside Ka-san.
Face: Ah, You mean where I took it in the leg.
Murdock: Where I got shot down?
B.A.: That was a terrible plan!
Hannibal: Now we got all the kinks worked out of it.


"The A-Team: Cup A' Joe (#3.14)" (1985)
Hannibal: How's it look, B.A.?
B.A.: The fools under the truck. I hope he knows what he's doing!
Face: You might be surprised at what ole' Murdock knows. Now, I get the feeling more and more that his brain works on many dfferent levels. Like layers, peeling away one after the other, exposing new and wonderous aspects of H.M. Murdock.
Hannibal: That's very poetic, Face.
Face: I thought so.
B.A.: Poetic? You mean pathetic! You peel at Murdock's brain, you get nothing but jello!

Face: [posing as Colonel Mylowe] I hate to break security...
Murdock: [speaking like Darth Vader] I believe, Colonel, in this instance that security is not an essential factor.

Face: You know, Murdock, you'd make somebody an excellent wife.

Face: You want me to go out and ask B.A. for paprika?
Murdock: Remember that girl you had me call up?
Face, Murdock: Paprika.
[Face nods and leaves]


"The A-Team: Say It with Bullets (#2.16)" (1984)
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Come on, Face, what happened to all that eye-hand coordination?
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I'm concentrating. Don't rush genius!

Faceman: Listen Hannibal, there's about a hundred reasons why I hate this plan of yours, but my biggest objection, even bigger than my objection to letting someone else drive my 'vette, my biggest objection is sending the Golden Age of Television here to back up Tawnia while she's trying to scam a piece of scuzzy luggage like Harnett.
Murdock: Thanks for the support, oh facial one.

Faceman: Oh, boy, I hate situations like this. You go in trying to help mankind and, eh, all of a sudden you realize you're adjusting your halo in a two way mirror.

Col. Decker: [outside, over bullhorn] It's over, Smith. You lost.
"Hannibal" Smith: And I was having such a nice day.
"Faceman" Peck: Oh, don't worry, he'll give us a minute, just like he always does.
Col. Decker: [off screen] You've got thirty seconds to give up your weapons before we open fire.
"Hannibal" Smith: Got to give him credit, he's learning.


"The A-Team: Waste 'Em! (#3.21)" (1985)
"B.A." Baracus: [looking through binoculars] Damn! He sure got a lot of security for someone who's just collecting garbage.
H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: You know, Colonel, It's not gonna be easy going in there to find out what that guy is all about.
"Faceman" Peck: But, eh, you have a plan, right?
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, Lieutenant, if you can't get in, you're gonna have to get them out.
H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: You know, I have to tell ya, I find your, your, your small quotes to be utterly inspirational. As a matter of fact, it's the most interesting part of my day.

"Faceman" Peck: [smelling a barrel filled with toxic waste] Whatever this stuff is, it'll take the shine right off a diamond.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: You think it will take the leather off a glove?
"Faceman" Peck: That we'll find out.

"Faceman" Peck: Hannibal, you're not serious. You go in there unarmed, you'll be leaving in a casket.
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, I said I'd be unarmed. I didn't say anything about you'd be unarmed. Now, we got an hour, and a warehouse to use. Let's go.

"Hannibal" Smith: [after getting Hagen to sign a confession by threatening him with a barrel of toxic waste poured on his desk]
"Faceman" Peck: Boy, you're so cooperative. Imagine what you would have done if we actually had toxic waste in that drum.
[sticks his finger in the puddle and tastes it]
"Faceman" Peck: Mmmm. Mmmm, not bad
"Hannibal" Smith: [also tastes it] Hm, molasses?
"Faceman" Peck: Maple syrup.


"The A-Team: A Nice Place to Visit (#1.13)" (1983)
Deke Watkins: Well, you boys got an awful lot of stupid in you.
"Hannibal" Smith: I got a thing about living with cockroaches. My friends and I are gonna do some exterminating.
Deke Watkins: Oh, you should've left town when you had the chance.
Face: That was our next line.

Hannibal: The first time I tagged up with Ray Brenner, he couldn't have been more than two weeks out of Special Forces training. The unit was on a search and destroy detail, had to blow up one of Charlie's supply bridges. It got REAL hot. Ray stood up like a guy born to do just that.
Face: One time Charlie had the company pinned down. It was my first firefight and there was crying and screaming everywhere. When I bailed out of the jeep and hit the dirt, I lost my helmet. Ray gave me his.
B.A. Baracus: One night I was walking point and took a round in my leg. I was bleeding bad, real bad. Then this white dude come up to me and dragged me over to the MediVac. Ray Brenner had a heart like I never seen.
Murdock: There's a difference between being brave and just crazy. Ray Brenner was just brave. He directed me in through a hornet's nest about a day from Da Nang, and we pulled some grunts out of trouble. My bird was the only one left in the sky.

[Murdoch is looking sad]
Hannibal: What's the matter, Captain?
Murdock: Something horrible.
Face: What's the matter? Billy get hit by a car.
Murdock: WORSE.
[gives Hannibal his hospital release]
Murdock: I've been thrown out. Cast out...
Hannibal: You've been found sane?
Murdock: You got it.


"The A-Team: The Island (#3.8)" (1984)
"Faceman" Peck: [the A-Team has been contacted through an ad in the paper] All right, lets assume for the moment that this is legit.
"Hannibal" Smith: Okay.
"Faceman" Peck: All right. Chances are Decker reads the same newspaper, right?
"Hannibal" Smith: Okay.
"Faceman" Peck: Right! So, we show up, bingo! He grabs us.
"Hannibal" Smith: Now Face, did I ever make it easy for Decker?

"Faceman" Peck: [swaggering drunkenly on the beach] Flipper!

"Faceman" Peck: [Hanibal wants Face to swallow a tiny homing device] You're not serious. You want me to swallow it?
"B.A." Baracus: I MADE IT - YOU EAT IT!


"The A-Team: The Bend in the River: Part 1 (#3.2)" (1984)
"Faceman" Peck: [holding a Spanish-English dictionary] Oh, well now, this is encouraging...
"Hannibal" Smith: Yeah?
"Faceman" Peck: Yeah. 'El Cajon'. Spanish translation: 'The Coffin'.
"Hannibal" Smith: What kind of a scunge heel would call himself 'The Coffin'?
"Faceman" Peck: Well, probably the same kind that would call himself 'Hannibal'

"Hannibal" Smith: [Murdock is in a coffin, talking to himself] What is this all about?
"Faceman" Peck: Oh, this is gonna be fun. He's making a movie, a classic little film called 'Closed for Remodeling'.
"Hannibal" Smith: [Hannibal contemplates this as Murdock jabbers on inside the coffin] Well, that's already opened. I saw it on a theater marquee last week.
"Faceman" Peck: Don't you do that to me, Hannibal, one lunatic in this outfit is enough!

"Hannibal" Smith: And you're engaged to this Brian Lefcourt?
Tawnia: Pre-engaged. We gave each other these St. Christophers. and when he got back from trying to find the lost treasure of Del Rio, we were going to be married.
"Faceman" Peck: When did all this happen?
Tawnia: Last month. When you guys were in South Carolina helping that old sheriff.


"The A-Team: Judgement Day: Part 1 (#4.1)" (1985)
"Hannibal" Smith: Now lets concentrate on rescuing the girl.
Faceman: Hannibal has a plan.
"B.A." Baracus: We're going through the front door again, right?
"Hannibal" Smith: I think he's getting to know me!

Faceman: I'll give him ten minutes and then I'll go ahead with the lobotomy.

Faceman: [Murdock finds pages missing from his Peter Pan book] B.A., have you been eating Murdock's books again?
[B.A. shakes his head]
'Howling Mad' Murdock: Oh now how am I going to find out how it ends?


"The A-Team: When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?: Part 1 (#2.5)" (1983)
[Face has launched a film production company]
Hannibal: "Miracle Films"?
Face: "If it's a good film, it's a Miracle." Catchy, huh?

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Once again, the mysterious Range Rider sets out on another thrilling adventure with his trusted steed Thunder who...
[B.A. pulls off Murdock's paper mask]
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Who will remain behind just this one time.
Face: Well guys, shall we saddle up?
[suddenly, machine gun fire erupts from outside]

Face: [donning masks to approach the horse thieves] Good idea, they're never going to recognize us.


"The A-Team: The A-Team Is Coming, the A-Team Is Coming (#4.14)" (1986)
Hannibal Smith: Sorry you had to go through all this, Katrina.
Katrina Karpov: It was wonderful!
Face: Somehow I thought candlelight diner might be more to your liking.
Katrina Karpov: It was like James Bond, no?
Murdock: You know Katrina, I have to agree with you. From a standpoint of entertainment on the Murdock scale of one to ten, I'd have to give it a nine.
B.A. Baracus: A nine? Let me see you drive like that!
Murdock: But I never give a ten, never, never, never, never, never. I mean there's no such thing as perfection in the arts, B.A.
B.A. Baracus: [raising his fist] This is a ten on B.A. scale. Ten being total pain!

Katrina Karpov: I have heard so much about American men. I'm dying to try one on.
Face: Eh, I think you mean try one out?
Katrina Karpov: Whatever. How you say? Take off all your clothing?
Face: Yeah, actually, you got that just right. You know, eh, you're English is not bad.
Katrina Karpov: You're shoulders are not that bad. I think I take a bath and slip into nothing more comfortable.

Face: It's ironic, huh, guys? Every time we try to serve our country, we end up behind bars.


"The A-Team: The Duke of Whispering Pines (#4.18)" (1986)
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, boy, this is typical, huh? We do all the digging, Hannibal has all the fun, sitting out front playing Yosemite Sam.

H.M. Murdock: Faceman, this coffee's lousy.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: That's easy for you to say, you're not the one that's been cooking for 400 people. How much coffee does it take to make 200 cups? Can anybody tell me that?

John "Hannibal" Smith: How'd you get that number?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Ah, the old fashioned rotary dial telephone.


"The A-Team: Trouble Brewing (#3.24)" (1985)
Faceman: Hannibal, I don't like to complain, but why is it that I'm always the one who has to stick his head inside the lion's mouth?
Hannibal: It's your personality.

Hannibal: Sometimes there's a method in our madness.
Faceman: Speaking of madness...
[Murdock pulls up in the van]

Hannibal: Where are the girls?
Faceman: Ah, well, I sent them down to the bank to see Mr. Barrington.
Hannibal: Barrington?
Faceman: Yeah, well, there's no need to build up interest.
Hannibal: Barrington is the guy who's behind all this!


"The A-Team: The Bend in the River: Part 2 (#3.3)" (1984)
Brian Lefcourt: What would Ritterman be doing building a nuclear reactor in the middle of the Amazon jungle?
Face: [Ritterman and his solder give each other a Sieg Heil salute] Did you see that? Did you see what he did?
B.A. Baracus: Nazi, Hannibal! They're Nazi's!
Doyle: They are the New Reich. Strong, able, undefeatable. What do intend to do now, Smith? Take them all on? Just the four of you? Haha. Two women and a lame? Heh!

Face: You don't really trust this pile of pig slop, do ya, Hannibal?
Hannibal: If we want any chance of destroying that Nazi generator, we don't have much choice. And, if you talk that way about him, you may not live to date his daughter.

Face: I HATE this movie! But I LOVE the leading lady!


"The A-Team: Double Heat (#3.6)" (1984)
Priscilla: Can I see your membership card?
Face: [glancing at her name tag] Priscilla. I like that, that's nice. Randall St. James, but my friends call me Randy.

Face: It's best we're not seen talking together.
[whispering]
Face: They have spies.
Mr. Reynolds: Spies?
"Howling Mad" Murdock: Yeah, spies. They're little guys with beady eyes and long fingernails. They plant bugs that can pick up the hush of a man's heartbeat or, the whisper of a falling hair.

Face: Oh, I don't know, Hannibal, I hate to be an alarmist, but getting caught between Attila the Hun and Jaws is not my idea of how to live to a ripe old age.


"The A-Team: Members Only (#4.15)" (1986)
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I'm not sure about this, Face.
Lt. Templeton Peck: Ashley. I'm Ashley Hemmings.
Capt. H.M. Murdock: [posh accent] Funny. You're a dead ringer for Templeton Peck.
Lt. Templeton Peck: What are you doing at my club?
Capt. H.M. Murdock: I'm a guest of Dr. Richter's
Lt. Templeton Peck: Your psychiatrist takes you to his country club?
Capt. H.M. Murdock: Every Friday.

Lt. Templeton Peck: Unbelievable. Of all the country clubs in Los Angeles, General Fulbright has to be a member of my club!
Capt. H.M. Murdock: Face, you're gonna have to get plastic surgery.

Lt. Templeton Peck: Well, this it typical: one minute you're a member of an exclusive club, the next minute you're a waiter. A fake waiter.
Adrian Prescott: Oh, I'm sorry about you losing your membership.
Capt. H.M. Murdock: Why don't you become one of Dr. Richter's patients? Then maybe he can bring you here, as a guest.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, look at the bright side, Face. Chuck McCraw and Bob McKeever lost their memberships too.
Sgt. B.A. Baracus: Yeah, they'll probably start their own club in prison.


"The A-Team: Fire (#3.4)" (1984)
"Howling Mad" Murdock: [Irish accent] I don't suppose, my good man, that you ever heard of instantanious combustion? That's not to be confused with internal combustion. But, he's broken my rule number nine!
"Faceman" Peck: [acting fey] Number nine? Never leave newspapers lying about.
Roy Kelsey: Oh, eh, we were meaning to throw those out, actually.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: Meaning to? Meaning to? You know that there are a thousand tragic cases of 'meaning to' in the naked city?
"Faceman" Peck: Why don't you just step outside untill we've conducted our little inspection, huh?
[urges Kelsey out the door]
"Howling Mad" Murdock: [shouting] Newspapers! Newspapers! I hate newspapers!

"Faceman" Peck: Hm, Vince Rogan. The guy makes a shark look like a box of brownies at a girlscouts jamborie.


"The A-Team: Mission of Peace (#4.20)" (1986)
Rudy: That's my wallet!
Face: Thats right!
[Faceman pulls out a credit card]
Face: ...Charles Winston. Wait a minute, Charles Winston? The Charles Winston? Your Charlie the Clip?
Rudy: You picked my pocket!
Face: I can't believe it, I picked the pocket of Charlie the Clip! Do you know who this is? I studied every scam you've ever done. This is the guy who sold the Brooklyn Bridge... to Brooklyn!
Rudy: A few minor accomplishments.

Face: [finding out the Chief isn't from Texas] I can't believe I fell for a Cleveland Indian!
Rudy: Actually, he's not even an Indian.
[Hannibal chuckles]


"The A-Team: Trial by Fire (#5.2)" (1986)
Benny Conway: [shouting] Are you out of your minds?
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, it wouldn't be the first time we were accused of it.
Benny Conway: Nobody tries to plead guilty in a capital case!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: A man can only live with his guilt for so long.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Yeah. We hate guilt.
Benny Conway: But we are winning! Their case is shot full of holes and once Colonel Quyet testifies, it will be shot down entirely.
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Uh, would you mind not using words like 'full of holes', 'shot down;' I mean, it conjures up such a negative image.

Face: Colonel Morrison an NVA agent... I just can't believe it.
Hannibal: Seems to be true.
Face: Even so, surely the court would need more than that to convict us of murder.
Hannibal: Ever watch Perry Mason, Face? Motive, method, opportunity? That's what he always looked for and that's what that prosecutor says he's got on us.
Face: Well, what are we gonna do?
Hannibal: [laughing] I think we're gonna get nailed.
Face: Just... just checking.
B.A. Baracus: Crazy man said he was at headquarters when Colonel Morrison was killed.
Face: So?
B.A. Baracus: So he never told us that.
Hannibal: Maybe he forgot.
Face: How could you just forget something like that?
Hannibal: The mind's a funny thing, Face. Sometimes it tries to protect us by blocking out an unpleasant experience.
B.A. Baracus: You think Murdock coulda killed Colonel Morrison?
Face: That's impossible!
Hannibal: If you found out Morrison was working for the Viet Cong, what would you have done?


"The A-Team: The Grey Team (#5.12)" (1986)
Face: Romeo in there just wrecked everything, now she's going to get the KGB death squad.
Hannibal: Yeah, great isn't it?

Hannibal: What are we gonna do when this thing's over? I mean what are we really qualified to do?
Face: Go after thugs in the park?
Hannibal: And outlawed motorcycle gangs, organized crime figures, why, there's a world of slimeballs out there.
Murdock: I knew it. I just knew you had a plan.
Hannibal: Comforting, isn't it?
B.A. Baracus: I'll get the van!


"The A-Team: Beverly Hills Assault (#3.23)" (1985)
"Faceman" Peck: At last! A case that doesn't require mosquito netting.
"Hannibal" Smith: Oh, I don't know, Face, It's still a jungle out there on Rodeo Drive...

H.M. Murdock: Can you guarantee me, that in a hundred years, after I'm gone, the name Murdock will be on parr with Rembrandt, Picasso, Van Gogh, Willie Mays?
"Faceman" Peck: Eh, eh, Willie Mays?
H.M. Murdock: Do you deny that Willie Mays was a great artist in center field?


"The A-Team: Road Games (#3.18)" (1985)
Meeks: Hey Dorsette, I'm going with ya!
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: [posing as Dorsette] Hey, Meeks, I know how to buy clothes by myself, huh!
Meeks: [noticing Faceman's Corvette] Hey, where did a record changer like you get a car like this?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, what you drive is what you project, right? Course, a guy like you is probably just happy to have air in his tires.
Meeks: Yeah. Just drive!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [disguised as a tailor, taking Face's measurements] 32 on the waist.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: 32? Hey are you sure you didn't reverse that tape and start from the other end?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: If I say you're a 32, you're a 32, and if you don't like it, then diet.


"The A-Team: Without Reservations (#5.13)" (1987)
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: Now, the sooner you pull off these missions, the sooner you get your pardon. It's called the Stockwell incentive plan.
Faceman: Now, I can tell you what you can do with your plan, Stockwell.

"Hannibal" Smith: How's the pain?
Faceman: Well, only hurts when I breathe.
"B.A." Baracus: You was out cold for a day and a half in the hospital.
Frankie Santana: They say you hit on two nurses while you were sedated.
Faceman: Really? How did I do?
"Hannibal" Smith: You invoked great sympathy. They left their telephone numbers.


"The A-Team: The Say U.N.C.L.E. Affair (#5.6)" (1986)
Carla: [breaking in on Channel 8 on a hotel TV set] Good morning gentlemen, I'm in the jet flying at 30 thousand feet. The room is equipped with a two way video.
Face: How about the bedroom?

Face: Frankie, why on Earth would your cousin put such a fine sound system into his motor home?
Frankie: Because the clientele demands it. He rents this baby out on all the big tours, mayor names. Glen Fry, Tom Petty, Huey Lewis. Next time you use that shower, remember, Madonna was in there, naked.


"The A-Team: Family Reunion (#5.8)" (1986)
Face: Look to this day, For yesterday is but dream and tomorrow is but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

A.J. Bancroft: Any father would be proud of you.
Faceman: Well, I'm also a wanted criminal. Who could be proud of a son like that?
A.J. Bancroft: Or a father like that?


"The A-Team: Alive at Five (#5.7)" (1986)
Faceman: We've done everything that Stockwell has asked and he's never so much as even said thank you. We've even saved the guys life. As long as we keep succeding in these missions, he's gonna keep us around for more and a soon as we start fail, well, we're dead.
B.A. Baracus: That's a good point.
Faceman: I'm telling you, Stockwell has taken over our lives. He's even started taking over my dreams.
Frankie: Can he do that?

Faceman: You know, I should write a book.
Murdock: No, no, just a pamphlet.


"The A-Team: The Theory of Revolution (#5.5)" (1986)
Face: Oh no...
CIA Agent: What's the matter, what's going on?
Face: A major part of our escape plan has just gone into the toilet.

Face: Eh, Colonel, what do you suppose Stockwell is gonna say about us knocking this country sideways?
Hannibal: I don't know, but I'm gonna enjoy it.


"The A-Team: There Goes the Neighborhood (#4.10)" (1985)
Stevie Faith: Woody, this is a really evil thing you're doing. There's a karma shift here that could spell your doom.
Faceman: Yeah, she's got a point!

Stevie Faith: What time is it?
Faceman: Uh it's 8 o' clock in the morning,
[looks at Stevi in her nightgown]
Faceman: and I must say...
Stevie Faith: Aw man, it's the middle of the night.
[closes the door on him]


"The A-Team: Hot Styles (#3.12)" (1984)
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Come on, Hannibal, you know we didn't do anything. We took a mission. We knocked out an enemy position, which just happened to be a bank. Our commanding officer gets killed and, eh, so we end up getting sacrifised, to 'preserve international relations'.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Look, Rina, I know you're in trouble and I wanna help, alright, so just, just tell me!
Rina Turian: Don't you think there's a few things you should tell me? Like who you really are?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, there's eh... there's a part of my life I didn't want you to know about.
Rina Turian: Looks like we have more in common than we thought.


"The A-Team: The Little Town with an Accent (#4.22)" (1986)
Murdock: I just don't like the idea of B.A. taking apart my brand new truck.
Face: Ah, I'm sure he's just using it to train Kelvin.
Murdock: I know, I know, but, eh, I worked so hard to win it on the Wheel of Fortune, Face.
Face: We had to work so hard, okay? Besides, you're the one who took the trip to Hawaii, without me!
Murdock: I know.

Face: [on the phone] Guess who McMahon ran to?
Hannibal: [on other line] Well, am I gonna like this?
Face: I think you're gonna love it: Sonny Marlini.
Hannibal: Sonny 'The Enforcer' Marlini from Detroit?
Face: Aha. The very same. looking eh, very tanned, healthy and, eh, itching to kill.


"The A-Team: Incident at Crystal Lake (#3.25)" (1985)
Face: I think we should make some swift vacation plans.
Hannibal: Before they send another girl after us with long legs, huh?
Face: Ah, no, that could happen to anyone.
Hannibal: Yes, Face, but it always happens to you.

B.A.: Flying is out man, anywhere we wanna go, we can stay on the ground.
Faceman: Well, we could go to a movie, beyond that, I, eh...


"The A-Team: Deadly Maneuvers (#2.21)" (1984)
Major Douglas Kyle: Where's Smith, Peck?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: You know, that's the beauty of it. I haven't the slightest idea. I never do, really. He's a real mystery, eh, a walking riddle. Yeah, he might start dropping bombs on you guys. Then on the other hand he might just show up as a nun. I can't tell. And eh, I know, oh, just about as well as anybody else. Yeah, he's really quite... mystical.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I'm ashamed to admit it, they got me with a girl.
Murdock: It could be worse. They got me with a dog.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Yeah, I guess that's worse.
Murdock: Hey, I fell for a dog!


"The A-Team: The Road to Hope (#4.5)" (1985)
Hannibal: She should be selling bridges in Brooklyn.
Faceman: Oh, come on, Hannibal, please! The Brooklyn Bridge goes for five, six hundred thousand dollars, minimum. Believe me, I know. I've sold it twice already.


"The A-Team: The Crystal Skull (#5.10)" (1986)
Australian Mercenary: You didn't say anything about no monks!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Well, monks do go with a monastary, now don't they?
Australian Mercenary: I understand you have some diamonds?
Face: [posing as a monk] Men of God have no need for such... baubles.


"The A-Team: The Trouble with Harry (#4.21)" (1986)
H.M. Murdock: It's true, you know, there is something about brand new clothes that makes you just wanna stand up and shine!
[stands up in Faceman's Corvette]
Templeton Peck: Well, uh, stand up and shine on somebody else's seats, hmm?


"The A-Team: Bad Time on the Border (#2.4)" (1983)
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: All right, now who's plan was this?
"Faceman" Peck: Not mine!
"B.A." Baracus: Not mine.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Then who's?
"Faceman" Peck: Murdock!
"B.A." Baracus: It was Murdock.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No it wasn't!
[B.A. nods rapidly]
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No it wasn't!


"The A-Team: Breakout! (#3.13)" (1984)
Hannibal: [on carphone in Face's 'Vette] You know, I gotta hand it to you, Face, I found Decker's I.D. in the car trunk. It's perfect.
Faceman: [on mobile phone at a pool surrounded by two girls] Aw, Hannibal... I was saving that as a surprise for your birthday.
Hannibal: [chuckles] Well you can get me something else. Now listen: I'm almost to the camp and I got the release papers. Well meet you in L.A.
Faceman: Ok, well as eh, as soon as things come together down here, I'll, Ill catch the first flight out.
Hannibal: Take care, Pal.
Faceman: Ciao.
[hangs up and turns to his girlfriends]
Faceman: I promise, that's the last phonecall.


"The A-Team: The Maltese Cow (#2.13)" (1984)
Templeton Peck: In case you haven't noticed, Hannibal, we have more eyes on us than a truck load of Idaho spuds.


"The A-Team: Waiting for Insane Wayne (#4.17)" (1986)
Kincaid: Who's Tully?
Face: Me, I'm Tully.
Kincaid: That means you're, eh, Three Fingered Harry?
Hannibal: [Hannibal tucks his hands in his arms] Harry couldn't make it. Got a job runnin' guns from South America.
Kincaid: Well, just who the hell are you?
Hannibal: Peco Bob. I fill in for Harry. My specialities are: smokin' cigars, eatin' snakes alive, and runnin' off drifters.


"The A-Team: Trouble on Wheels (#3.7)" (1984)
"B.A." Baracus: What are we gonna do, Hannibal? They got Rudy and his family.
Hannibal: We'll have to mount an attack on him right away.
Faceman: Attack? Eh, what kind of attack?
Hannibal: A classic: the reverse-frontal assault.
Murdock: That's a great one.
Faceman: Eh, reverse-frontal?


"The A-Team: Labor Pains (#2.8)" (1983)
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: By the way, I didn't catch the name.
Old timer with truck: Didn't throw it.


"The A-Team: The Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas (#1.6)" (1983)
Face: So, er, tell me professor, all the chicks in Arizona State look like Sue-Beth and Darlene?
Murdock: [Using a posh accent] Thinking about going back to college and getting that education you never had?


"The A-Team: Body Slam (#4.7)" (1985)
"B.A." Baracus: Good to see you, man, you're looking great!
Hulk Hogan: Mean, clean, human destruction machine!
"B.A." Baracus: Yeah!
Face: [to Hannibal] Regular mutual appreciation society.


"The A-Team: The Spy Who Mugged Me (#5.11)" (1986)
Face: Passing Murdock off as a secret agent, Hannibal, he's not even convincing as a sewage worker.


"The A-Team: It's a Desert Out There (#2.18)" (1984)
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I think I ought to give Tawnia a ring.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: [Murdock gasps and pulls his ringvinger] No, no, Murdock, on the telephone, I wanna check in on the old jounalistic databank.


"The A-Team: The Doctor Is Out (#4.11)" (1985)
Face: This girl is trying to find her father. Now your quizzing her like's she's some chameleon con-man. Why, look at that face. Don't you believe her? I believe her. If she says she's Richter's daughter, she's Richter's daughter.
Sarah Teesdale: I'm a journalist.
Face: She's a journalist.
Sarah Teesdale: I work for Trans World Press.
Face: Well, anyone can make a mistake...


"The A-Team: Champ! (#3.16)" (1985)
Faceman: [posing as a doctor] Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have my rounds to make. Get it? Rounds to make?


"The A-Team: The White Ballot (#2.12)" (1983)
Templeton Peck: Why would a guy wear a wig like that? Looks like a dead plant.


"The A-Team: Pure-Dee Poison (#2.17)" (1984)
"Hannibal" Smith: Phase one of our operation is a succes
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, phase one is always the easiest. The bad guys never know it when we're doing phase one.
"Hannibal" Smith: Heh, heh.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Phase two, that's when the soup sticks to the spoon!