Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus
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Quotes for
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus (Character)
from "The A-Team" (1983)

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The A-Team (2010)
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [Overlooking Hannibal's mission plan] Oh hell yeah, Hannibal! This is it right here!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: This is bat shit insane! It's perfect
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: This is beyond nuts, boss.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: [laughs] It gets better.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [from trailer] Aw hell naw, I ain't steppin' foot in any type of aircraft
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Man up! Now get in there, we've gotta finish the escape! Man up and get in there!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [from trailer] I'm BA, and you're gonna be unconcious.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [Murdock has dropped cargo crushing Baracus' van] You pancaked my van! I'm gonna kill you, fool!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: You can't park there! That's a handicap zone!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: This is a mistake!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [after breaking Murdock out the team speeds away from Sosa who starts firing] She's actually shooting at us!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [Murdock pokes his head out of the escape vehicle wearing 3D glasses] You should see these bullets in 3D!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Murdock, get in here!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: It's like we're actually being shot at!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: We are getting shot at you crazy ass fool!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: [after being arrested again at the end] Nice plan, Face.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Yea, we just trade Lynches and now we're going back to prison.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: We returned the plates, we can hold our heads high. We did the right thing.
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Yea, and look what it got us. This is bullshit.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: They burned us again, Hannibal. We trusted the system, and it turned on us.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Remember boys, no matter how random things may appear, there's always a plan... kid.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I don't mean to steal your line, boss, but
[shows key to handcuffs in mouth]
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I love it when a plan comes together.

[Murdock and his fellow inmates are watching a 3D movie - The Greater Escape -. During the opening shot of a Humvee, just as it is gettting close to the screen, a real Humvee bursts out of the wall. Sosa is knocked to the ground and the entire audience applauds]
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: [in a British accent] Oh Captain! Your chariot awaits!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [runs and hops into the vehicle] Sorry boys, gotta run! Can't finish the movie! Do let me know how it ends!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Charissa, where you hiding? Hey, stay beautiful baby.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Punch it B.A.!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [throws it in reverse] Let's go, fool!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [the Team is escaping in the C-130] You let the real pilots go!
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: BA, relax, you're gonna be fine.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [Hands BA a pill] Take one of these
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: What is this? Will it knock me out? It better knock me out because if it don't I'm gonna knock you out.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Bosco all these buttons are confusing me!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Shut up Murdock!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: WHY WE IN A FALLING TANK?
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: BECAUSE THE PLANE EXPLODED?
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: What plane? what, when?
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Recently! Reapers shot it down!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Reapers? What reapers?
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: The same ones that are trying to kill us now!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: I blame you, Hannibal!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Technically, we're not flying...
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: I know, 'cause we FALLING, fool!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [Posing as a doctor, stitching BA's arm] Almost hit your tattoo there. The old Ranger tat.
[Leans in close]
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Would you think I was crazy if I told you I had one of these?
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: There's something wrong with your eyes, man.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: I see you've all met Mr. Murdock.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Met him? He lit my arm on fire!
[Murdock starts laughing]
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: He stitched a lightning bolt in mine.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Look at me, son. I'm told you're a hell of a chopper pilot.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: The best, sir.
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: I'm not gettin' on a chopper with this nutjob!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Yea, is this another one of your little 'projects'?
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: I'm a real soldier, I'm a Ranger baby!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: I'm worried!
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [to Hannibal] I'm a Ranger, sir.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: That's good enough for me.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [waking up after being knocked out for a flight and falling face first] Why does it feel like I fell on my face?

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [justifying his newly adopted non-violent attitude, he quotes Gandhi] "Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary."
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: [answers with his own Gandhi quote] "It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence."

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [using a pig oven glove] Hello my name's Percy. Would you like some pork?
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: If I broke every bone in your hand, could you still do that?

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Oh dammit! My head, man.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [presenting him with food] Coconut curry tapenade, your favorite.
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Give me that, fool. You got them toast points?
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Voila! Toast points.
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: You had to knock me out again huh?
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Okay now, the whole injection knocking out - Hannibal and Face. The curry tapenade - Murdock.
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Why do I feel like I fell on my face, huh? Tell me that.

[after being let out of a shipping crate he was tricked into getting into]
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: The only reason I don't kick y'all asses is 'cause y'all outrank me.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: [after shooting him] I know it hurts, but I have to make a point with you.
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: That ain't what's pissin' me off. You shooting my van is what's pissin' me off, man!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Where's my girl, fool?

[Murdock uses gunpowder as a spice at a braai]
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Murdock, burn the hell outta that, like it was damned!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Burn the whole place down, buddy!

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [cooking] Who wants secret sauce?
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: NO! No, no, no, no, no! NOT anti-freeze!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Secret's out, you crazy! Everybody knows!
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: No one can do an anti-freeze marinade like you can, Murdock, but I had a little Bells palsy last time...
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: That's only partial paralysis!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [Murdock tries passing a radio to B.A] Listen, fool, you can call air strike for yourself!

Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Who's gonna let him out?
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith, Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: YOU!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [inside a trailer that was airlifted to base] What you don't realize is, now I gonna kill ALL y'all!

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Your Honour, these men were acting under my command. Any judgment should be levied on me and me alone.
Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck: Absolutely not, sir! We were all participating in this operation willingly!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: I won't be tried separately.
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: I refuse to be tried separately.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: I'm too young to die!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [after being let out of the trailer] I sweat, I stink, and I can't spend none of that money!

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: The bullets didn't even go through, how you feeling?
Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: Not good... not good. I feel sane!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: I should've shot you in the head a long time ago.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: [to Hannibal] You carjacking me? What is this, opposite day?

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: You Army Ranger, son?
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Be real careful what you say next, pops. And be ready to empty that burner if you start shit-talking my battalion.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Never shall I fail my comrades. Gallantly will I show the world that I'm a specially selected soldier.
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: And I will fight with all my might. Colonel Hannibal Smith. 75th Ranger Regiment.
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: 4th Battalion. Fort Benning Georgia. I know who you are sir. Corporal B.A. Baracus. I mean, it was till I was dishonorably discharged for some bullshit.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: I don't subscribe to coincidence, corporal. I believe that no matter how random things might appear, there's still a plan.

Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Sorry, my friend. I see you've put the South African microphone at the bottom. You can't always put the CNN on top.

Capt. 'Howling Mad' Murdock: [escaping from psych ward wearing 3D glasses] These guys are shooting at us! It's like we're actually being shot at!
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: You *are* getting shot at, you crazy ass fool.

Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Never shall I fail my comrades, gallantly will I show the world that I'm a especially selected soldier
Sgt. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus: Energetically, willl I meet the enemies of my country, I shall defeat them in the field of battle for I'm better trained
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: And I will fight with all my might.

"The A-Team: Sheriffs of Rivertown (#3.10)" (1984)
[while patrolling with B.A., Murdock hums the opening bars to the theme from Dragnet]
Murdock: It's early in the A.M. The city was quiet. Officer Baracus and I had been assigned patrol. The city was at peace with itself. But it wasn't gonna be that way for long. And when the peace is broken, that's when I go to work. I wear a badge.
"B.A." Baracus: You oughta wear a muzzle, man. Why are you talking to yourself like some kind of fool?
Murdock: I'm not talking to myself. When you talk to yourself you are alone. No one hears you. You happen to be with me. You hear me. Therefore I am not talking to myself.
"B.A." Baracus: Talk to me, talk sense so I can talk back. Not all this jibberjabber like breaking the peace and all that.

[the A-Team and others are trapped in a cave]
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, what's the story?
Face: Did you ever hear of King Tut?
Murdock: We ain't never gonna get out of here, Colonel.
"B.A." Baracus: Hey man, the first time ever we have guns and ammo, and can't get out of here.

[final scene: B.A. is driving Murdock, Hannibal and Face into a cell, menacingly waiving a nightstick at them, as a retribution for flying him to Rivertown]
Face: Now wait a minute, wait a minute, remember your oath as a deputy not to hurt other deputies?
"B.A." Baracus: [pointing to the table] I see three badges on the table. That mean you are civilians. I still got my badge. And as official law officer of Rivertown, I'm giving you guys two days in jail.
[B.A. locks the cell, takes the key from the lock and hits the bars with the nightstick, making Face and Murdock recoil]
"B.A." Baracus: I love it... when a plan comes together!
[B.A. smiles triumphantly]

[after they finished beating up the whole gang, B.A., Faceman and Murdock stand in the middle of the bar, draw their guns and shoot towards the ceiling]
"B.A." Baracus: Freeze! Peace officers!
Face: Nicely phrased.

[the A-Team sits at picnic table. Hannibal gives the others hamburgers and chips, and explains their mission]
"Hannibal" Smith: We're on our way to San Marcos. We are the new sheriffs of Rivertown.
Murdock: [excitedly] Wow! Sheriffs! I always wanted to get into law enforcement. I saw every TV Western and never missed a rerun of 'the Rifleman'.
"Hannibal" Smith: I hope not, Murdock, because it's a tough place.
"B.A." Baracus: Hey Hannibal, what ever happened to the other sheriffs they sent to Rivertown?
"Hannibal" Smith: Disappeared, without a trace, as they say.
Face: [snickers] And you said 'Sounds like a challenge'.
"Hannibal" Smith: Face, a lot of people are gonna benefit from this. And they agreed to pay our fee. They even offered to let us take their new executive jet for the trip.
[Hearing the word 'jet', B.A. raises his head suspiciously]

[Hearing that they are going to Rivertown by airplane, B.A. gets suspicious]
"B.A." Baracus: Hey Hannibal, you know I don't flying! And I've seen that trick before: you give me a burger and expect me to eat it!
"Hannibal" Smith: [sighs] B.A., you know you get cranky on an empty stomach. Now, eat your burger.
"B.A." Baracus: Not this time! I ain't falling for no sleeping powder in my burger. I'm taking yours!
[B.A. switches his burger with Hannibal's]
"Hannibal" Smith: Help yourself... just fine.
"B.A." Baracus: You figured I would think my burger was spiked and take yours! I'm taking Face's.
[B.A. takes Face's burger and gives him Hannibal's]
Face: OK.
[Face chuckles. Hearing this, B.A. gets suspicious again]
"B.A." Baracus: Wait a minute... I've got it! You figured I'd take your burger, get wise to it, then take Face's burger! And Face's burger is the one that got the sleeping powder in it... or Murdock's!
[Murdock looks at his hamburger, then offers it to B.A]
"B.A." Baracus: Hey, wait a minute, I'm on to you guys... the one place you would never put sleeping powder, and that's in the first burger you gave me!
[B.A. takes back his original hamburger from Hannibal, gives him Face's, then takes large bite from his hamburger. Nothing happens. Hannibal, blank expression on his face, gives B.A. small carton of milk. B.A., in the euphoria of his 'victory', drinks the milk without suspicion]
"B.A." Baracus: That's what I know!
[B.A. chuckles, but falls to sleep. Murdock grabs B.A.'s hambuger as he falls down, putting it in the bag]
Face: And he was doing so well...

[as the sleeping powder wears off, B.A. wakes up screaming and finds himself in jail cell]
"B.A." Baracus: [stands, examining his sorroundings] What is this?
Murdock: 'What is this?' Well, after giving it a lot of thought and summing the situation real quick, this is one very mad B.A., holding on the bars of a jail cell... from the inside.
"B.A." Baracus: Hannibal, let me out of here! You tricked me. You put me to sleep again!
Murdock: [takes a metal cup] What you've got to do B.A., I've seen it in all the gangster pictures, is...
[Murdock rakes the cup across the cell bars, making terrible noise]
Murdock: ...and call up the warden's name.
"B.A." Baracus: [covers his ears] Hannibal!
[Hannibal gestures to Murdock to stop. Murdock complies]
"Hannibal" Smith: B.A., I have to swear you in as an official deputy of Rivertown. You have to take the oath.
"B.A." Baracus: [sullenly] If I take it, will you let me out?
"Hannibal" Smith: Word of honor. Face, swears him in.
Face: [gets up, gets the bible and approaches the cell] Put your hand on the bible. Raise your right hand.
[B.A. puts his left hand on the bible, raises his right hand but crosses his fingers]
Face: [scolding] B.A., this is the bible!
[reluctantly, B.A. uncrosses his fingers]
Face: [reciting the oath] 'I, B.A. Baracus, will do all the laws of Rivertown. I will conduct myself as an honorable peace officer and obey at all time, all the rules of deputyship'. Do you so swear?
"B.A." Baracus: [grudgingly] I swear!
Face: [gives B.A. deputy badge] There you go. Done!
"Hannibal" Smith: [unlocks the cell] Thanks, Face. OK, B.A., you're a free man.
"B.A." Baracus: Now I'll tear you guys apart...

[after B.A. takes the oath of peace officer, Hannibal lets him out of the cell]
"B.A." Baracus: Now I'll tear you guys apart...
"Hannibal" Smith: But one of the rules is that a peace officer may not bring a harm to any other peace officer.
"B.A." Baracus: What?
"Hannibal" Smith: Yes, and you swore to it. And we're all wearing badges.
"B.A." Baracus: [a bit calmer] This ain't fair!
Murdock: [points at his badge] See? It's all nice and shiny.
"Hannibal" Smith: [cocks his shotgun] Alright, let's get down to business. Let's go clean up this town.

"The A-Team: In Plane Sight (#2.14)" (1984)
H.M. Murdock: You are constantly drawing false conclusions, based on little or no information at all.
B.A. Baracus: You're a nut. And that's a conclusion based on fact!
H.M. Murdock: Only based on your definition of what constitutes 'nuttyness'. Now I think the others here might agree that my recent behavior can only be discribed as 'normal'. A reasonable discription considering the fact that I have conciously decided to conform to less aberrant behavior, simply because of your constant verbal abuse.
B.A. Baracus: Even when he talks straight he sounds crazy.

B.A. Baracus: This is serious business, Murdock. So I don't want you to take your talking dog Billy with you, or your talking bug friends.You got that?
H.M. Murdock: B.A., have I said anything about invisible dogs? Have I had any conversations with insects of late? No. You are the one displaying paranoid tendencies, my friend.

B.A. Baracus: Hey, Hannibal, I ain't flying, man. Now I don't know how you guys be getting me in and out of these planes, but this time I'm ready for you. This time...
Face, Hannibal: Eclipse.
[B.A. falls into a hypnotic trance]

Judy Rogers: [Hannibal is driving a plane through the bushes] You're actually gonna taxi this thing through the jungle?
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Oh man, I never though a day would come when I wished Murdock was here!

Judy Rogers: Eh, I take it Hannibal's duck call isn't very good?
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Good? It's perfect. That's the problem. The last time he used that call, some duck hunters from the area nearly had us for dinner. Disgusting. Being mistaken for ducks!

Faceman: We're outta ammo, B.A., give me some clips.
B.A. Baracus: What?
Faceman: Clips, gimmie clips!
Judy Rogers: [B.A. falls into a hypnotic trance] You said the trigger word. You said 'eclips'!

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Hypnosis - that's it! You hypnotized me, didn't you? Hannibal, I want an answer from you, right now! Answer me, Hannibal, before I knock your head right off your shoulders!
Judy Rogers: Hannibal...
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Eclipse.
Judy Rogers: I canceled the word!

B.A. Baracus: It's bad enough when Murdock flies one of these things but at least *he* knows what he's doing!

"The A-Team: Children of Jamestown (#1.2)" (1983)
Amy: Wow. Those blood capsules are really realistic.
Face: Think so, huh? I accidentally swallowed the capsules. Hannibal split the inside of my lip.
Hannibal: Sorry, kid. You walked right into that one.
Face: [spitting out a tooth] Oh, there goes another cap!
B.A. Baracus: Hannibal, why did you go bust Face-man in the lip for? You know you make him ugly you're gonna mess up our meal-ticket. We won't be able to get into good hotel rooms.

B.A. Baracus: Hey, Jack, I thought you was a farmer. This place looks like a junkyard.
Tim Coulton: Well, I turn a lot of junk into art, it's what I do.
Hannibal: What's in the barn?
Tim Coulton: My studio.
B.A. Baracus: Studio? You make movies too? What do you call them, those art movies?
Tim Coulton: It's where I sculpt.

Hannibal: Hey Face, what do you think these guy wear under their skirts?
Face: Uh, I don't know.
[to closest cult member]
Face: Half slip?
[gets hit in the gut with a rifle]
Face: Ohhh!
Hannibal: [to closest cult member] Garter belt?
[gets in the gut with a rifle]
Hannibal: Arrgh!
B.A. Baracus: I think you guys wear panty hose!
[gets hit doesn't react]

B.A. Baracus: [about Martin James] The man's a pothead, Hannibal, he's high on smack or a speedball or something. That's why he wears those shades, so you can't see his eyes.

Howling Mad Murdock: Hey Face, those blood capsules work great!
B.A. Baracus: Hannibal knocked out his cap!
Howling Mad Murdock: HANNIBAL! Without the Faceman's smile we get lousy hotels!
Hannibal: Get that bird off the ground!

Amy: So now what do we do? How do we get out of here?
Hannibal: Well first off we may not. We could die right here. Accept that. Anything else is just very good luck. Figure you're dead, can you do that?
Amy: Are you kidding?
B.A. Baracus: Look Amy, we all gotta accept death, that way we don't have no fear. It gives us the edge.
Amy: Well I don't think I can.
Face: Try. You gotta try.

Hannibal: [the team has been captured by a cult] Hey, Face, what do think these guys are wearing under their skirts?
Face: Uh, I don't know.
[to closest Cult Member]
Face: Half slip?
[gets hit in gut with a rifle butt]
Face: Ohh!
Hannibal: [to closest cult member] Garter belt?
[gets hit in the gut with a rifle butt]
Hannibal: Arrgh!
B.A. Baracus: I think you guys wear panty hose!
[gets hit. Doesn't react]

"The A-Team: Recipe for Heavy Bread (#2.2)" (1983)
Parking Attendant: Good afternoon, sir, may I...
B.A. Baracus: May you what, sucker?
Parking Attendant: Eh, may I park your vehicle?
B.A. Baracus: Are you crazy? Nobody drives my van but me. Get outta here!

Murdock: [pretending B.A. is a famous French actor] Bravo! Bravo, bravo!
B.A. Baracus: [to the parking attendant] Don't touch my van, sucker. If you do, I'll feed you your socks.
Murdock: Oh mella bell! It's the famous 'Feed you your socks' line from the Pulitzer prize winning play, 'Right on, Ruth' by Margaret Hanley.
B.A. Baracus: Shut up, fool, come on!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [the Team finds out Faceman has been using the alias 'Mr. Toney'] Mr. Toney? You gotta be kidding!
B.A. Baracus: Sounds like some hairdresser to me.
Amy Allen: Mr. Toney, isn't that the name of a famous L.A. decorator?

B.A. Baracus: [taking the elevator car apart] Another common area bites the dust.

Face: B.A., you're destroying the elevator!
B.A. Baracus: Another common area bites the dust.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: While the other prisoners were eating roaches and grass, you were enjoying smoked almonds and getting your nails buffed.
Tom Anderson: That was 10 years ago as you said, even you can't hold a grudge that long.
B.A. Baracus: Maybe he can't, but I can!
[corners Tommy]

Face: B.A., don't sit down, you're gonna get grease on the couch. I don't live here, remember? I'm just a guest.
B.A. Baracus: You not even a guest, Mr. Toney comes back he's gonna hit you with a lawsuit.
Face: Not if he can't find me.

"The A-Team: Mexican Slayride (#1.1)" (1983)
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: Tip the joint over? Very macho, but is this smart?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: If I was smart, I wouldn't be working for some skirt with no money.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: You learn to love him, Mama. But it takes a long time.
Reporter Amy Amanda Allen: That's the same thing he said about you.

Boy on Tour bus: Mommy, mommy, it's the Aquamaniac!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [Wearing the Aquamaniac costume] Hi, how ya doing?
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: I ain't stoppin' for no autographs Hannibal.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: [about Hannibal] He loves the risk. The danger. He loves the jazz.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: [holding up a mirror as Hannibal puts on some make-up] Are you comming out of the closet, Hannibal?

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: What's going on here? This road leads directly to the airport, Hannibal!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: This road is no where near the airport.
[a plane flies overhead]

B.A. Baracus: They're closin'. They got us!
Hannibal: You never know.
B.A. Baracus: I do. We're almost out of gas.
Hannibal: Now, why did you pick a truck with no gas?
B.A. Baracus: 'Cause I liked the paint job.

"The A-Team: Cowboy George (#4.16)" (1986)
[Murdock, with help from Boy George, has disguised himself as a pregnant woman in order to gain entry to the jail-house]
Murdock: Herbert, open up, darling, its Cynthia!
Hannibal: Cynthia, go away!
Murdock: Herbert, oh Herbert, we have to talk, for the baby!
B.A. Baracus: Baby? what's that fool talking about?
Face: Let's open up and find out!

[Hannibal, Face and B.A. have been locked in a small-town jailhouse by a fake sheriff, who then leaves with all his deputies]
Face: Why would they lock us up then take off?
Hannibal: They've probably gone to tell the townsfolk that *we* stole their money. Make a great diversion - the bad guys get away, while the locals start looking at us, and throwing ropes over tree limbs.
Face: Makes sense!
Hannibal: I think we need to figure a way out of this jail, guys!
B.A. Baracus: That's why we brought you along, Hannibal. That's you're department!
Hannibal: Okay, the Hannibal Smith Ideas Department is now open for suggestions!
B.A. Baracus: That's not an idea, Hannibal!
Face: [Walking to the bars and taking a small pouch from his pocket] Well, I have an idea.
Hannibal: [Looking at the pouch] A set of lock picks! You know, sometimes Face, your sense of larceny is your most attractive trait!
Face: I know!

Hannibal: The Hannibal Smith Idea Department is now open for suggestions.
B.A. Baracus: That's not an idea, Hannibal.
Face: Well guys,
Face: ... I have an idea.
[produces a small bag from his pocket]
Hannibal: A set of lockpicks.
Face: Hm hmm.
Hannibal: Face, sometimes you're sense of larceny is your most attractive trait.
Face: I know.

B.A. Baracus: Hey Hannibal, why is Face out there spending all our money. That ain't right.
Hannibal: Well ever since he took that showbusiness accountant course, he's been in a fiscal Twilight Zone.

Hannibal: Face is trying to get something going between jobs, I mean we all got our outside interests. You got your daycare center, Murdock's got his psychosis, I got my acting.
B.A. Baracus: Hannibal, you ain't no actor, you don't find actors dressing up like lizards.
Hannibal: That's a very narrow interpretation, B.A. Boris Karloff wouldn't like it.

[Hannibal, Face and B.A. have left the cell, only to find they can't leave because the jail-house surrounded by angry townspeople]
Face: [Walking in from the cell area] I just found the real sheriff - dead!
B.A. Baracus: Oh, man, they're going to think we killed him!
Hannibal: Well, I admit that this situation has some ragged edges, but I can't think with all this noise!

"The A-Team: The Beast from the Belly of a Boeing (#1.12)" (1983)
B.A. Baracus: I thought you weren't crazy no more?
Murdock: Only on paper.

Face: Where's Murdock? I had the field trip to the newspaper office all set up. I hope you didn't blow it, Amy.
Amy Amanda Allen: Murdock wasn't even at the hospital. Fact, when I got there they were moving his things out of his room. The front desk said the administration had made a change...
B.A. Baracus: What kind of a change can they make with a dude like that? Aside from giving him a new brain?

Murdock: Well, Hannibal, you be my eyes, and I'll bring this sucker home.
Hannibal: You're on.
B.A. Baracus: This is my worst nightmare.

B.A. Baracus: Listen Murdock, I'm only gonna say this once. Don't be messing round up here. You tell Hannibal how to get this thing down. Couse I'm scared. And when I'm scared I tend to get mean. And you don't ever wanna see me mean.
Airline pilot Larry Hertzog: Have you had any flight experience, Smith?
Hannibal: Paper airplanes, does that count?

Murdock: [B.A. tries to jump out of the moving plane] B.A., do you want to kill yourself?
B.A. Baracus: If we have to fly, I do!

Face: [trying to come in for a landing with no fuel] When we crash...
B.A. Baracus: [panicked, clings to Hannibal and chokes him] We gonna crash? We gonna crash?
Hannibal: Face, get him off of me. Get him off me Face!
[Face beats B.A. with a metal tray repeatedly]
B.A. Baracus: [calmer] Sorry fellas, I lost my head for a second.

"The A-Team: Mind Games (#4.9)" (1985)
"B.A." Baracus: Murdock, for the first time I'm glad to see you!
"Hunkman": That's Hunk, or Hunkman to you.

"B.A." Baracus: [Murdock is dressed as and impersonating Faceman] Oh brother.
"Hunkman": Brothers are your bag, not me. I'm into sisters. And their mothers, if they're under forty.
"B.A." Baracus: Cut it out, fool, I've had enough of this.
"Hunkman": My name is not fool. I am the Hunk-man. You got it, boys and girls? The Hunker.

Templeton Peck: [holding his autobiography, "Pecking Away At The System"] 'Course, we're gonna get Bob to play me, you know, we're gonna have to center it on the Faceman character, slightly.
"B.A." Baracus: Bob who?
Templeton Peck: Redford.

John "Hannibal" Smith: Now who said: Only use the air to create areas of opportunity on the ground?
"Hunkman": Patton, General George.
"B.A." Baracus: That was football coach Willy Hayes, fool!
John "Hannibal" Smith: Right, B.A.

John "Hannibal" Smith: If I were you, pal, I'd come clean!
"Hunkman": I could charm it out of him.
"B.A." Baracus: Or I could beat it out of him!
John "Hannibal" Smith: Equally unappetizing notions, Mr. Vaun, I assure you.

"B.A." Baracus: [to Murdock, who's on the phone] She hung up on you, all you do is disrespect those women.
Murdock: Well as we say in the better health clubs on the west side, ask not, get not.

"The A-Team: Lease with an Option to Die (#4.4)" (1985)
B.A. Baracus: They broke my mother's arm. Nobody puts their hand on my mother and lives to tell about it. We're going to Chicago right now, Hannibal!
Hannibal: B.A., now take it easy. We're behind you on this thing 100 percent.
Face: B.A., whatever you say. Remember, you're our leader.
B.A. Baracus: Look man, I know I exaggerate sometime, but you do it all the time!
Face: Well but ac-, actually, I always felt you had leadership potential.
B.A. Baracus: Hey man, we gotta find the fastest way possible to get to my mother.
Murdock: That's gonna mean flying, big guy.
B.A. Baracus: That's right, flying!

B.A. Baracus: Oh, momma, nobody calls me Scooter anymore!
Mrs. Baracus: Well, you'll always be Scooter to me, I don't care much jewelry you wear.

Mrs. Baracus: Murdock, you are the craziest fellow I ever met. I think I want to adopt you.
Murdock: Really, maybe I could be the long-lost brother he never had.
B.A. Baracus: And maybe you can be the ghost I never had if you don't shut up.

Hannibal: Mr. Chadway doesn't own this block here.
Face: That'll be a heck of a time trying to get from the lobby to the pool.
B.A. Baracus: I wouldn't want to live there.

Murdock: [about to take off] This is your captain speaking. We are soon to take off. I'll be turning off the no smoking sign until we reach an altitude of 30,000 ft. Until we do, I'll ask you to remain in your seat. Keep your seatbelt fastened in case we run into any unexpected turbulence. We're just waiting for our final clearance here.
Murdock: And there it is!

Mrs. Baracus: Scooter, honey, you got to do something.
Hannibal: What's the plan B.A.?
B.A. Baracus: Yeah, we need a plan. Let me think.
Hannibal: You know, you were saying on the plane we could take over your mother's lease, now that might be just the thing.
B.A. Baracus: That's right momma, we're gonna take over your lease.
Mrs. Baracus: And where am I supposed to stay?
Hannibal: B.A. thought you might move in with a friend temporarily.
B.A. Baracus: Yeah, that's other part of my plan.
Hannibal: Karen, do you have a tenants association in this building?
Karen: No.
Hannibal: Maybe we should form one, what do you think B.A.?
B.A. Baracus: Good idea Hannibal. We need one of those. That's the first step.
Face: Oh, B.A. you got us on the jazz now!
Hannibal: Oh, he loves it when a plan comes together.

"The A-Team: The White Ballot (#2.12)" (1983)
B.A. Baracus: Gimme a cup of coffee!
Diner Clerk: How do you want it?
B.A. Baracus: In a cup, fool!

Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [Murdock has just been sprung from the State Hospital] I'm telling ya, these sudden departures are starting to drive me crazy.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Shut up, Murdock, you're already crazy.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Oh yeah?

B.A. Baracus: I hate brass bands.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Somebody hold me down. This fool's about to play his fingers and I'm gonna snap 'em off!

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: [Murdock's singing as he climbs in the air vent] Shut up fool before I come up there after ya.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Murdock. There's a little crawl space up there, see if you can get in it.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [In an Indian accent] I will endeavor to render myself as tiny as possible.
B.A. Baracus: It'll be easy fool. Just think about your brain.

"The A-Team: Bad Time on the Border (#2.4)" (1983)
Amy Allen: B.A., didn't you say that Maria said her mother is really sick?
"B.A." Baracus: Yeah, real sick. And if we don't help her, she won't have anybody in the world.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Whoever separated them, isn't big on human diginity.
"B.A." Baracus: Yeah, when I get finished with them, they're gonna be real big on pain!

"Howling Mad" Murdock: He's out there, I know... he's out there, that devil of a whale I have chased for so long. The white whale. The Living Ghost with the harpoons of a hundred men in his back and yet he still swims on. How that ghost haunts my soul... my mind...
"B.A." Baracus: What mind? Cool it, Murdock, where here on serious business.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: ...must be high tide.

"B.A." Baracus: You got a choice, Jack: you either talk, or you hurt!

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: All right, now who's plan was this?
"Faceman" Peck: Not mine!
"B.A." Baracus: Not mine.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Then who's?
"Faceman" Peck: Murdock!
"B.A." Baracus: It was Murdock.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No it wasn't!
[B.A. nods rapidly]
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No it wasn't!

"B.A." Baracus: Come on Face, get out of the bathroom, I'm seasick too!
Amy Allen: Yeah Face, show us how to navigate by the stars.

"The A-Team: There's Always a Catch (#2.9)" (1983)
"B.A." Baracus: That's for my foot, sucker!

"B.A." Baracus: [Murdock gets tossed and lands on his bad foot] Murdock you fool!

"B.A." Baracus: [gets shoved by an MP] Watch it, sucker! I got a bad foot, you shove me again and I'll wrap that gun around your face.

"B.A." Baracus: [being rushed out of the hospital on a gurney] Be careful, this ain't no silly car race.
Murdock: Leave the driving to me.

"B.A." Baracus: Did you plant the charges?
Murdock: Ready to go BOOM!

"The A-Team: The Sound of Thunder (#4.23)" (1986)
General 'Bull' Fullbright: Colonel Morrison.
B.A. Baracus: Morrison, what about him?
General 'Bull' Fullbright: He's the officer you claim send you on the mission to rob the bank of Hanoi. The mission that you got locked up on. He's the only one that could prove your innocence.
Faceman: You mean 'could have'. He's been dead since '72.
General 'Bull' Fullbright: He can, he's still alive.

General 'Bull' Fullbright: I'm not gonna have any part of this. We're busting a ring ding out of the hospital!
B.A. Baracus: I finally agree with this guy!

Hannibal Smith: Now first we need transportation.
B.A. Baracus: I know, we'll have to fly. I'll do it this time, because this Morrison guy can clear us, you guys won't have to be knocking me out no more for none of these crazy capers we've been going on.

General 'Bull' Fullbright: You'll never get away with this. Never. We're gonna get thrown into the stockade. Oh my God, I'll be in a cell next to the A-Team.
B.A. Baracus: At least you won't have to chase all over town to find us any more.

B.A. Baracus: Why didn't you try to get your son back through the government?
General 'Bull' Fullbright: It doesn't work that way. In this country, I'm a war criminal. That's why I have to get him out of here, cause he's my son.
Faceman: Well, someone must have known what you're up to. They send, eh, 'Madame Kung Fu' to take you on your last rickshaw ride.

"The A-Team: Moving Targets (#3.19)" (1985)
Face: Knock knock!
"Pasadena" Murdock: Who's there?
B.A. Baracus: Us.
"Pasadena" Murdock: Us who?
B.A. Baracus: Us who's gonna knock you out, fool!

"Pasadena" Murdock: You can call me 'Pasadena' Murdock.
B.A. Baracus: Makes more sense to call you 'fool'!
"Pasadena" Murdock: But 'fool' doesn't have that nice ring to it.
Hannibal Smith: What's this?
Face: Oh, he's an adventurer, forging new frontiers.
Hannibal Smith: No kidding!

B.A. Baracus: You crashed this plane with me in it!
"Pasadena" Murdock: Don't be so cocky! I could've crashed this plane with or without you on board.

B.A. Baracus: Murdock, I ought to knock all your teeth out.
[Murdock covers his mouth]
B.A. Baracus: I've had it with all you, all your crazy hats and your invisible dog!
"Pasadena" Murdock: [with his mouth covered] If he's invisible, HOW did you know he was THERE?

[Murdock has just crashed the plane with B.A. tied up on board and awake]
B.A. Baracus: Hannibal, you gonna look worse than this plane if you don't let me outta here!
Hannibal Smith: Well,
Hannibal Smith: it's time to let B.A. out.
Face: This, I'm gonna love.
B.A. Baracus: Pretty soon, I'm gonna be really mad, Hannibal.
Face: [groans] I'd rather sit naked with a king cobra than let him outta that plane.
Hannibal Smith: Face, relax. Once I explain to him the circumstances under which he got aboard the plane, he's gonna be very understanding.
Face: Hm. You don't really believe that, do you?
Hannibal Smith: [smiling] Of course not.
B.A. Baracus: That's it, Hannibal. Now I'm really mad. Let me loose! I'm gonna get even with you!
Hannibal Smith: Now, uh, just take it easy, B.A.
B.A. Baracus: Take it easy? I'm gonna hit you so hard, I'm gonna knock you into next week!

"The A-Team: Skins (#3.17)" (1985)
"Hannibal" Smith: Of course, we do have one problem, though, eh, we're going to have to fly to Kenia, and B.A. is... well, he's not that fond of airplanes.
B.A. Baracus: [refusing to lose face in front of their female client] What you talking about, man?
"Hannibal" Smith: Eh, well, eh, you know, how you're eh...
Murdock: Scared. The word is scared. Scared. You're scared to fly.
B.A. Baracus: Huh, me? Scared of flying? That's just an act I put on sometime. I ain't afraid of nothing!
Kamora Kaboko: Great. There's a flight that leaves tonight.

Murdock: Well, B.A. Baracus, what's it feel like now you here? You taking it all in? It's hard to imagine that, centuries ago, your tribesmen, settled right here, on this ground upon which we lay. Look at the dirt, go on, look at it, look at it, look at it. The tips of their toes curdled around each particle of dirt right here in the palm of my hand. The ashes from their campfires, right here in the palm of my hand. The drippings from their pots and pans, right here in the palm of my hand. The leftovers after Sunday dinner right here in the palm of my hand. B.A. Baracus, this is your roots!
B.A. Baracus: [grabs the dirt] This is dirt, fool, which I'm gonna stuff in your face if you don't shut up.
[walks off]
Faceman: What's the matter with him?
Murdock: Eh! Nostalgia.

B.A. Baracus: Losing someone you love is hard. And there's nothing anyone can say or do that'll make it any easier. It's just gonna take time. That's the only thing that'll make it easier, just time.

Murdock: [B.A.'s patrolling the grounds, a loud roar is heard, Murdock appears at the window] What was that?
B.A. Baracus: Nothing, go back to sleep, your watch is next.
[roar is heard again]
Murdock: That's a great big nothing.
B.A. Baracus: Yeah it is. Put your pants on and come on out here.
Murdock: Why me? The next shift isn't even for...
B.A. Baracus: Put them on and get out here!
Murdock: Aw, you're just 230 pounds worth of fear.

McKaydoo: The last warden disappeared because he didn't listen. The one before him retired, a very rich man.
"Hannibal" Smith: Well I'm not retiring, and I'm already rich.
B.A. Baracus: Yeah, and I'm already mean!

"The A-Team: West Coast Turnaround (#1.9)" (1983)
Face: Well, this is a pretty good mock-up of a squad car, but it's not perfect. So, we're transportation people from Universal Studios, making a movie called 'It came from planet X' . That way we get pulled over by a real highway patrol car, we're not gonna get busted.
B.A.: Good luck with that one, sucker!

Ellen Penhall: Who are you?
B.A.: I'm B.A. Baracus, and I'm here to pick up your crops!

Hannibal: Murdock, B.A. take the right. Face, stay with me.
Face: Er, Hannibal, if we're gonna fight, I'd really prefer to be teamed with B.A.
Murdock: Me too.
Hannibal: Are you guys saying you don't wanna team up with me?
Face: Yes.
Murdock: Yes.
Hannibal: Why?
B.A.: I'll tell you why. Because when you're on the jazz, man, you're dangerous!

Hannibal: What do you think, B.A.?
B.A.: Oh, man, this rig is about 16.000 overweight. And the rear brakes is whistling Dixie. And these air hose, they got dry rot.
Hannibal: Wonderful. All they have to do is get to farmer's market in L.A.

Amy: Is he alright?
Face: Likes to see how big the slug is before he steps on him, is what he likes to do.
B.A.: [Hannibal mumbles] What did he say?
Face: He said I love it when a plan comes together.

"The A-Team: Showdown! (#3.9)" (1984)
[after trashing the fake A-Team gang]
Face: I think it's time the truth came out, don't you?
Murdock: Yeah, and make sure my name is spelled "Murdock" - that's "Murdock"!
B.A. Baracus: Hey, shut up, fool!
Murdock: Yeah, that's easy for you to say, you're mentioned in the paper!
Hannibal: Now look, Murdock, you're our secret weapon...
Murdock: I don't want to be a secret weapon - I want to be an exposed weapon!

[a gang of hooligans is harassing a circus under the name of the A-Team. The real A-Team reunites, understandably not too pleased with this development]
Face: [waving around a newspaper article] Did you read this, Hannibal? Do you seriously believe this?
Hannibal: I read it - I believe it!
B.A. Baracus: This is bad, Hannibal - real bad! Some guys are coming around and busting heads saying they're the A-Team! There's only *one* A-Team! Us!

"Hannibal" Smith: B.A... a shovel, now that's no disguise.
"B.A." Baracus: I don't wear disguises, Hannibal.
Murdock: Not even a feather for your hair?
"B.A." Baracus: This crazy fool away from me! You're not a real Indian. Real Indians don't look and act like a crazy fool!

[a terrified Mason offers to hire the A-Team at any price]
Hannibal: I like mathematical progressions, but we're really picky about whom we work for.
B.A. Baracus: That's right, sucker! Real picky!
Hannibal: Two things, Mason. Firstly, stop bothering the Wild West Show and leave it alone. Secondly, it is not wise to impersonate the A-Team - and if you continue to do so, we will lose our quiet and peaceful demeanor and come back here and turn your studio upside down.

Murdock: B.A., how about this hat? You could wear this cowboy hat and it would just be you and me, a cowboy and an Indian.
B.A. Baracus: I'm gonna play Stagecoach and run you over if you don't get out of my face.

"The A-Team: The Taxicab Wars (#2.7)" (1983)
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Hi, I'm Doctor Vern, veterinarian and this is my talking dog, Socky.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: This is my talking fist. His name is Knock-out. Do you want to hear Knock-out speak?
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: No.

Deke Billings: Excuse me, this cab's out of service.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: No it isn't!
Deke Billings: Yes it is.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: No it isn't!
Deke Billings: Oh, you're a big one, aren't you?
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Even more to the point, I'm a mean one, sucker!
[picks Deke up and throws him clear over the car]

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: He's got a cape and mask in here, Hannibal. This dude is gonna drive around in a taxi with a cape and mack on.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: B.A., I want that back!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No cowl, Murdock? You were gonna do Captain Cab without a cowl?
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Hannibal, I wanted a cowl, I really did, I just couldn't figure out how to make it.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Ah.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: You shouldn't encourage him, Hannibal. He's getting worse. Now get out of here, Murdock! If I catch you a sheet around your neck again, or talking to your socks, I'm gonna split your personality, permanently!

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: [he and Murdock bust out of the van shooting at Crane and his men who are holding guns on Hannibal and Face] Drop them, or you're dead!

"The A-Team: Breakout! (#3.13)" (1984)
Murdock: Luck is with us now. My rabbit's foot's gonna bring us luck all the way back to L.A.
B.A. Baracus: Rabbit had four of 'em - didn't do him much good.

Deke Logan: I owe you one.
B.A. Baracus: If you try something, you better make sure I don't get up!

Murdock: B.A., I'd like to take this opportunity to say I'm really sorry they took your gold.
B.A. Baracus: That's alright, if I don't get it back I'll just have to kill you.

B.A. Baracus: [to Murdock] If you want to stay alive, keep your mouth shut, or I'll nail it shut for you.

"The A-Team: Black Day at Bad Rock (#1.5)" (1983)
[Murdoch is giving a direct blood transfusion to B.A, who is squirming]
Hannibal: B.A., just relax.
B.A. Baracus: I told you guys for the last time. I don't want this sucker's blood in me. It's going to make me crazy like him.
Murdock: No, it's not going to make you crazy, it'll make you mellow. You can even room with me at the V.A. I'll have them bring in an extra bunk and we can sit together and watch the walls melt.
B.A. Baracus: Hannibal!

B.A. Baracus: You messed up, now I gotta mess you up. It's the law!

B.A. Baracus: Gotta need for the Faceman to change his name. Yeah. To Broken Face!
"Faceman": Come on B.A., it wasn't my fault.
B.A. Baracus: You were supposed to be the rear guard. You messed up bad. Now I have to mess you up. It's the law.
"Faceman": Oh, brother.

Hannibal: Murdock will be here right away, you're the same blood type. We'll do a direct transfusion and get you on your feet.
B.A. Baracus: Murdock?
Hannibal: You're both AB negative, remember?
B.A. Baracus: I'm ain't swapin' blood with that sucker, he's crazy!
Hannibal: B.A. he's the only donor we have, unless we're gonna get you into Cedar-Siani. You have very special blood.
B.A. Baracus: I ain't letting you put any of Murdock's crazy juice in me, no way man. He's nuts.

"The A-Team: The Island (#3.8)" (1984)
"Hannibal" Smith: B.A. is the van ready?
"B.A." Baracus: Guns and ammo!
"Hannibal" Smith: Ready to go!
"Howling Mad" Murdock: [reading a book] Boy, I sure hope we don't run into any arborescent Calla Montrichardia.
"Hannibal" Smith: No, 'specially one of those.

"B.A." Baracus: Hey, man get that thing away from me! You know I can't stand lizards!
"Howling Mad" Murdock: It's no lizard, that's a crocodile, you know just like that cartoon crocodile Wally Gator. See you later?
"B.A." Baracus: My fist's gonna see you later if you don't get that lizard away from me!

"Howling Mad" Murdock: [talking to a 30 year old tank the A-Team has lovingly rebuilt] You are created, you are living, you are whole again!
"B.A." Baracus: Hey man, that's a tank. And that's all it is.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: [talking to his baby alligator] Pay no attention to him, Wiley, the man has constraints on the brain, he has no understanding of the finer things in live, like we do.

"Faceman" Peck: [Hanibal wants Face to swallow a tiny homing device] You're not serious. You want me to swallow it?
"B.A." Baracus: I MADE IT - YOU EAT IT!

"The A-Team: Firing Line (#5.3)" (1986)
B.A.: Hurry up, Face!
Face: Give me a break, B.A., will ya? It took me all night to turn this spoon into a lockpick.

Hannibal: Well, how long do we have to let you know, I mean, before you get us out?
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: Colonel... That's not part of the deal. I can't get you out.
B.A.: Say what?
Face: Wait a minute, what do you mean you can't get us out of here?
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: Well, I could not assist three federal prisoners convicted of murder in escaping. Contact me upon your successful evasion of your current situation. Then we have a deal.

Face: If Murdock gets us out of this, as far as I'm concerned, he can have anything he wants as long as I live.
B.A.: I don't know... I gotta think about this.

B.A.: How long are you out for, man?
Murdock: Well, as long as I want. I'm, uh, officially released.
Face: What?
Murdock: I'm, I'm, no longer insane.

"The A-Team: Semi-Friendly Persuasion (#2.22)" (1984)
Sinclair: [stops B.A. from carrying a child into the hospital] You ain't welcome here, hospital in the next town might take ya, if you pay 'em enough.
"B.A." Baracus: Get out of my way, sucker!
Sinclair: The only way you're gonna get in there is to walk over me!
[B.A. hands the child over to Kerl]
"B.A." Baracus: Walkin' ain't what I had in mind.

"B.A." Baracus: [finds a kid in the driver's seat of the truck he's fixing] Are you trying to steal this truck?
[kid shakes his head]
"B.A." Baracus: Then you must be my helper.
[boy nods]
"B.A." Baracus: Then come and down and help, I ain't paying you to fool around.

"B.A." Baracus: Hand me a pair of pliers.
Ollie: [Ollie picks up a screwdriver] Pliers
"B.A." Baracus: Hand me a screwdriver.
Ollie: [Ollie picks up a pair of pliers] Screwdriver.
"B.A." Baracus: We're gonna do just fine.

Hannibal: [sees Ollie riding in the truck] Who's you're friend?
"B.A." Baracus: Oh, he's a little roughneck I picked up. He promised if I gave him a ride this far, he wouldn't tear us apart.
Hannibal: Better keep an eye on him.

"The A-Team: Chopping Spree (#2.19)" (1984)
"Faceman" Peck: You know, we're supposed to be in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. The Prince is real anxious to get back those two wives of his that were kidnapped by the Bedouin Sheik. Also, he's wiring to our account one milion Riyals.
"Hannibal" Smith: That's nice.
"Faceman" Peck: Isn't it?
"B.A." Baracus: Hey man, I don't want those Riyows, or Ryhows, whatever it is, I want cash money!
"Faceman" Peck: Which at the current range of exchange comes to 430.000 dollars, thank you very much.

B.A.: Keep your eyes peeled, I need my van.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [disguised as rich Johnny B] You know, B.A., your gold looks really good on me.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: No it don't!

"B.A." Baracus: [to Mr. Friendly] I'm gonna use your body as a car bumper!

"The A-Team: Waste 'Em! (#3.21)" (1985)
"B.A." Baracus: [looking through binoculars] Damn! He sure got a lot of security for someone who's just collecting garbage.
H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: You know, Colonel, It's not gonna be easy going in there to find out what that guy is all about.
"Faceman" Peck: But, eh, you have a plan, right?
"Hannibal" Smith: Well, Lieutenant, if you can't get in, you're gonna have to get them out.
H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: You know, I have to tell ya, I find your, your, your small quotes to be utterly inspirational. As a matter of fact, it's the most interesting part of my day.

"B.A." Baracus: Little Lefty, meet BIG Lefty!

"B.A." Baracus: [to Hagen, pointing at a barrel of toxic waste] Hey fool, this stuff is dangerous, it'll burn your face right off.
"Hannibal" Smith: B.A. likes to get right to the point.

H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [stealing a cherry picker crane to bust in Hagen's window] You ready to pick a cherry pick-pick-pick-pick...
"B.A." Baracus: Shut up, fool.

"The A-Team: Water, Water Everywhere (#2.10)" (1983)
B.A.: You been greasin' your head with battery acid again, Murdock?

B.A.: Make 'em by hand, break 'em by hand.
[breaks Gaines' $20,000 shotgun over his knee]

Hannibal: Gaines has quite a sense of humor.
B.A.: Yeah, he's a laugh a month.

"The A-Team: Blood, Sweat, and Cheers (#4.8)" (1985)
B.A. Baracus: You put cake in my van?

John "Hannibal" Smith: [after the bad guys blow up a car with Kid Harmon's tarp over it] I can't believe you did that, you just destroyed an expensive racing car.
Scarface: Yeah, I'm all broken hearted.
John "Hannibal" Smith: Well, I'm sure when Mr. Kyle Ludwig finds out you blew up *his* car, he's going to break more than that.
Scarface: What?
B.A. Baracus: Told you you didn't want to do that, sucker.

Murdock: I had an uncle Carl once, he was a milkman, but all he ever gave me was cottage cheese.
B.A. Baracus: Murdock, your brains are cottage cheese.

"The A-Team: The Only Church in Town (#2.3)" (1983)
B.A. Baracus: You feed me your hat again, sucker, and I promise you, you won't have a head to wear it on.

B.A. Baracus: I ain't dressing up like no nun!

Murdock: You traded our plane for a boat ride?
B.A. Baracus: That's right.
Murdock: Oh that's great, that's just great! We ought to make it to Florida in about THREE WEEKS!

"The A-Team: Judgement Day: Part 2 (#4.2)" (1985)
B.A. Baracus: [referring to Murdock] Man's not long for this world, Hannibal.
Hannibal Smith: I'm not sure he was ever in it.

'Howling Mad' Murdock: [B.A. has just driven right through the airplane they flew to Italy in] How could you do that to a poor, defenseless DC3? She didn't stand a chance!
Faceman: I don't believe this...
'Howling Mad' Murdock: Now we're stuck in this country without any means of escape!
Hannibal Smith: Now... the captain has a point there, BA. What have you got to say about it?
B.A. Baracus: [Gleefully] We ain't flyin'!

'Howling Mad' Murdock: All the good costumes are taken, what am I supposed to be?
B.A. Baracus: Hey Murdock, why don't you sit on Face's lap and go as Jerry Mahoney?

"The A-Team: Wheel of Fortune (#4.13)" (1986)
B.A. Baracus: Hey Face, what's the idea of sneaking in here without knocking?
Face: I live here!

B.A. Baracus: Hey Face, I like your TV.
Face: You like the refrigerator too, which reminds me, you owe me $400 for the groceries you ate last time you were here.
B.A. Baracus: That reminds me, you're out of milk, you never have enough milk.
Face: Who drinks milk?

Nurse Dodd: What is it you wanted to see Mr. Murdock about?
B.A. Baracus: I'm one of his prizes.

"The A-Team: The Out-of-Towners (#1.7)" (1983)
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [to B.A] Now Face booked us on a commercial flight because you said you'd fly if it wasn't Murdock at the controls.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: [aghast] You didn't tell me he said that. You said you'd fly with another pilot but not me? You said that?
"B.A." Baracus: [Glaring at Murdock, in his face] YEAH!
"Howling Mad" Murdock: [wilting, turns away] Wise choice.

Nicky: I busted my buns saving up for that shoebox. It took me month. This is all I got left. Every cent. But I wanna chip in to help.
[hands over some coins]
"B.A." Baracus: Three dollars and sixty-eight cents. That just about covers our fee.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, I need garbage!
[slams the door]
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Now I dont just mean any garbage.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Ah, you mean a specific kind of garbage.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: When I say garbage, I mean garbage, dirty garbage.
Amy Amanda Allen: Most garbage is dirty, Hannibal. That's why they call it garbage.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: No, he means real garbage.
"B.A." Baracus: Only a sucker like you would understand garbage!

"The A-Team: Trial by Fire (#5.2)" (1986)
B.A. Baracus: Everybody knows the man's a fool! He's crazy, he sees people that ain't there,and he's talkin' in circles ALL the time!

Benny Conway: [shouting] Are you out of your minds?
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Well, it wouldn't be the first time we were accused of it.
Benny Conway: Nobody tries to plead guilty in a capital case!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: A man can only live with his guilt for so long.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Yeah. We hate guilt.
Benny Conway: But we are winning! Their case is shot full of holes and once Colonel Quyet testifies, it will be shot down entirely.
Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck: Uh, would you mind not using words like 'full of holes', 'shot down;' I mean, it conjures up such a negative image.

Face: Colonel Morrison an NVA agent... I just can't believe it.
Hannibal: Seems to be true.
Face: Even so, surely the court would need more than that to convict us of murder.
Hannibal: Ever watch Perry Mason, Face? Motive, method, opportunity? That's what he always looked for and that's what that prosecutor says he's got on us.
Face: Well, what are we gonna do?
Hannibal: [laughing] I think we're gonna get nailed.
Face: Just... just checking.
B.A. Baracus: Crazy man said he was at headquarters when Colonel Morrison was killed.
Face: So?
B.A. Baracus: So he never told us that.
Hannibal: Maybe he forgot.
Face: How could you just forget something like that?
Hannibal: The mind's a funny thing, Face. Sometimes it tries to protect us by blocking out an unpleasant experience.
B.A. Baracus: You think Murdock coulda killed Colonel Morrison?
Face: That's impossible!
Hannibal: If you found out Morrison was working for the Viet Cong, what would you have done?

"The A-Team: A Nice Place to Visit (#1.13)" (1983)
B.A. Baracus: I don't start no trouble. I mind my own business.
Amy: B.A., going up to a traffic cop who's writing out a ticket for your van, and eating the citation right in front of his face, absolutely falls under starting trouble.

B.A. Baracus: Ray was one of the only men who stood by us during the trial. He was a friend. And friends always do for one another. Just because he's gone, that don't mean we don't owe him.

Hannibal: The first time I tagged up with Ray Brenner, he couldn't have been more than two weeks out of Special Forces training. The unit was on a search and destroy detail, had to blow up one of Charlie's supply bridges. It got REAL hot. Ray stood up like a guy born to do just that.
Face: One time Charlie had the company pinned down. It was my first firefight and there was crying and screaming everywhere. When I bailed out of the jeep and hit the dirt, I lost my helmet. Ray gave me his.
B.A. Baracus: One night I was walking point and took a round in my leg. I was bleeding bad, real bad. Then this white dude come up to me and dragged me over to the MediVac. Ray Brenner had a heart like I never seen.
Murdock: There's a difference between being brave and just crazy. Ray Brenner was just brave. He directed me in through a hornet's nest about a day from Da Nang, and we pulled some grunts out of trouble. My bird was the only one left in the sky.

"The A-Team: Bullets and Bikinis (#3.1)" (1984)
"B.A." Baracus: I hate dentists. And I hate driving with Murdock.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: But you hate flying with Murdock more, don't you? Don't you?

"Faceman" Peck: [at the dentist] Aw, relax, relax! B.A. Dentists are our friends. And if you're real good, he, eh, might give you a sucker when you're done.
"B.A." Baracus: A sucker is what I feel like for being here.

"B.A." Baracus: What is this, Hannibal?
[throws him a newspaper]
"Hannibal" Smith: It's today's paper.
"B.A." Baracus: Right. Today's paper, which means today is the ninth. Which means I got here in a day.
"Faceman" Peck: Well, what's a day or two among friends?
"B.A." Baracus: A plane ride, to me!

"The A-Team: Curtain Call (#2.23)" (1984)
"B.A." Baracus: Hang tough, Murdock, I ain't gonna let you down, buddy.

'Howling Mad' Murdock: [singing, after being shot and losing a lot of blood] Will you still love me, when I'm gone?
"B.A." Baracus: Man ain't talking right, Hannibal, but now he REALLY ain't talking right.

"B.A." Baracus: [to Murdock, who is becoming unresponsive] Come on, Murdock, I ain't gonna let you die, man, you' my friend.

"The A-Team: Beverly Hills Assault (#3.23)" (1985)
"Hannibal" Smith: Eh, this is Howling Mad Murdock, Templeton Peck and B.A. Baracus.
Micky: Howling Mad? You got a temper problem or something?
"Howling Mad" Murdock: Oh, no, no, no, actually, this is the guy here with the personality disorder.
[indicating B.A]
"Howling Mad" Murdock: I just consider myself on another plane from the mass populus, that's all.
"B.A." Baracus: His plane crashed years ago and left him with no brains in his head.

"B.A." Baracus: You know, Murdock, I do see something in your painting. There I am, standing over your dead body.
"Howling Mad" Murdock: It's just a bunch of scribbled lines.

Steffan Shawn: [B.A. almost knocks over a statue with a giant pizza box] Careless fool! This statue is worth over ten thousand dollars. It goes back to the Ming dynasty.
"B.A." Baracus: I don't know about no Chinese food, all I know is somebody ordered a pizza, and somebody better pay for it.

"The A-Team: Beneath the Surface (#4.19)" (1986)
"Hannibal" Smith: [stiffling a laugh] How many times did you con this guy, Face? I bet he was your number one stooge.
Elaine: He talked about you constantly. Always told me what a great guy you were.
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I am a great guy! Barry was interested in pirates, and for twenty bucks I sold him a treasure map.
"B.A." Baracus: I'm glad I didn't know you when I was a kid.

"B.A." Baracus: Face, did you really sell your best friend a fake treasure map?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: B.A., I needed the money, ok?

"B.A." Baracus: You cool it with this parrot, Murdock. There is no parrot. And I don't wanna hear another thing about it.
Barry Green: Well actually, that's who has the real treasure map, my parrot. See, the chart's in the bottom of the parrot's cage, in my office.
H.M. Murdock: Enough said...

"The A-Team: When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?: Part 1 (#2.5)" (1983)
Col. Decker: [using a bull horn] This is Col. Decker of the U.S. army. You are completely surrounded.
"Hannibal" Smith: Ah, no kidding.
"Faceman": Colonel Decker, do you hear that?
Amy Allen: You know this guy?
"Faceman": Everyone in Vietnam knew him. He's one of those guys who always got the job done under any circumstances and he never lost any sleep over how he did it.
"B.A." Baracus: Yeah, Hannibal and this guy mixed it up once in the Doom Club.
Amy Allen: The Doom Club?
"Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, the Da Nang officers' open mess.
Amy Allen: So what, you didn't like the way he sugared his coffee?
"Hannibal" Smith: No, I didn't like the way he blew up Cong hospitals like it was his favorite sport.

Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: I'm warning you, I've had enough of you talking to your invisible friends.
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [points to Ed the horse] Does he look invisible, huh? You can't see him?

"B.A." Baracus: [meeting Hannibal by the prop hot dog cart] Aw Hannibal, how many more cold hot dogs do I have to eat? I'll save this one for later.
[puts it in his pocket]

"The A-Team: One More Time (#1.10)" (1983)
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: We accept the assignment. It's better than being pulled into a dumpster by a slime monster which I should have been playing anyway.
"B.A." Baracus: Hannibal, you're crazy. Just like Murdock.

"B.A." Baracus: Where are we?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Borneo.
"B.A." Baracus: Where?
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Shhh!
"Faceman" Peck: Borneo. You know, small island in the Western Pacific Ocean divided between Malaysia, Indonesia and Brunei.
"B.A." Baracus: Are you sure?
"Faceman" Peck: Positive. I used to date a geography major.

Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: The U.S. Military pushed you out of an airplane.
"Faceman" Peck: That's right, pushed all of us.
"B.A." Baracus: Hey man, the last thing I remember, we were being detained by the MP's. We all were. And they don't push out no airplane for robbin' no bank of Hanoi!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: 'm afraid they did, when we told them we wouldn't take the mission if you didn't come along. I think they spiked our milk.
"Faceman" Peck: Yeah, and that's a terrible thing to do to something that baby's drink.

"The A-Team: The Duke of Whispering Pines (#4.18)" (1986)
Sheriff Hopkins: Now I have to ticket you for an expired meter.
B.A. Baracus: This meter's broke, I couldn't put no money in it.
Sheriff Hopkins: Destruction of public property, that's a fifty dollar fine.
H.M. Murdock: But we didn't break this meter.
Sheriff Hopkins: Public rowdiness. That's a hundred and fifty dollar fine.
B.A. Baracus: What the heck is going on around?
Sheriff Hopkins: Using profanity in public. I can't recall the fine for that. Oh well, lets call it a night in jail.
B.A. Baracus: I said 'heck', that's not profanity!
Sheriff Hopkins: It IS in Whispering Pines.

H.M. Murdock: B.A., what's this part go to?
B.A. Baracus: Leave me alone, Murdock, I'm busy.
H.M. Murdock: [picks up a second part] What do I do with THIS part?
B.A. Baracus: Save it for the next truck!

B.A. Baracus: Hannibal's always got a plan.
Jason Duke: So what's the plan, Hannibal?
John "Hannibal" Smith: We put the truck back together.
B.A. Baracus: Not always a GOOD plan.
John "Hannibal" Smith: Anybody got any better ideas?

"The A-Team: The Big Squeeze (#3.15)" (1985)
Murdock: I will handle any general grievances.
B.A. Baracus: I got a grievance!
Murdock: That's why I'm here, big guy. What is it, tell me?
B.A. Baracus: My grievance is: I don't like you and I don't wanna listen to you and I'm getting ready to knock you through a wall.
Murdock: Can I get back to you on that grievance?

Murdock: [Irish accent] Are you friends of the bride or the groom?
Face: Murdock, this is a funeral, not a wedding.
B.A. Baracus: Friends of the groom!
Murdock: Go in front then.
B.A. Baracus: Fool!

Hannibal: [Irish accent] I feel called upon to quote my dear departed father...
B.A. Baracus: Aw Hannibal, I've had enough of you and your dearly departed father. I don't like Irish proverbs.
Hannibal: Oh, you'll like this one.
B.A. Baracus: No I won't.
Hannibal: Oh yes you will. The proverb says that 'Seldom is the last of any thing better than the first'.
Face: 'Seldom is the last of any thing better than the first', that doesn't make any sense.
Hannibal: Of course it does. It means: 'I love it when a plan comes together!'

"The A-Team: Steel (#2.11)" (1983)
"Hannibal" Smith: What do you think, B.A.?
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: I think maybe I wanna meet this dude, and maybe help him with his bridgework. Like bustin' up his mouth.
"Faceman": Hey, B.A., that's very funny. You know, you're developing a sense of humor. Slowly, but, eh, it's developing.
[B.A. growls at him]

Hannibal: B.A., weren't you going to get a haircut?
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Oh yeah... my hair is getting a little long.
Hannibal: Face, you take Murdock back, I'm going to go with B.A.
"Faceman": I just brought him! I picked him up!
[Murdock sticks his hands in Face's pockets looking for animal crackers]
"Faceman": Murdock will you get your hands out of my jacket?

Hannibal: [window washing on a scaffold] B.A., take us down.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: What's up, Hannibal?
Hannibal: They've got Face.

"The A-Team: There Goes the Neighborhood (#4.10)" (1985)
Joe Skrylow: But just who are you guys?
Murdock: [Mr. Rogers voice] We're your new neighbors.
Joe Skrylow: All four of ya? So you guy's aren't, uh...
[makes a fey hand gesture]
B.A. Baracus: He ain't talkin' 'bout what I think he's talkin' 'bout is he?
Hannibal Smith: Uh, we're all recently divorced. We all decided to live together to share expenses.

B.A. Baracus: [smashing a piano with the van] I always wanted to play the piano!

Murdock: [B.A. and Murdock have to be roommates] Oh come on, Big Guy, it'll be fun, we can read under the covers and just SCOOT out of the window after curfew.
B.A. Baracus: I'ma throw YOU out the window after curfew! You ain't no quiet roommate!
Hannibal Smith: [taking Stevi's arm] Be it ever so humbled.

"The A-Team: Deadly Maneuvers (#2.21)" (1984)
King: [disguised as a milkman] Well, I gotta tell you guys, I never saw a milk order like this. You must have one hell of a big kitty around here.
"B.A." Baracus: We love milk!
Capt. H.M. "The Soldier" Murdock: Correction, oh Barracan one. You like milk. But for a hardened professional like The Soldier the basic moo-juice just won't win the war.
"B.A." Baracus: [carrying three crates of milk] Shut up, fool, and grab this other one.
Capt. H.M. "The Soldier" Murdock: Negative, negative. I gotta stay lean and lightning and ready to fight.

"Hannibal": [B.A.'s doubled over moaning] It's getting worse.
"B.A." Baracus: What about you?
"Hannibal": Got a stomach full of razor blades. I'll drive, we both need a doctor.

"B.A." Baracus: [reading the vanity plate on a woman's car Face was seen with] Koochy, something tells me she's not an M.D.

"The A-Team: Fire (#3.4)" (1984)
Fire Chief Annie Sanders: B.A., is he married?
[indicating Hannibal]
"B.A." Baracus: Who knows!

"Howling Mad" Murdock: Now, B.A! B.A! We're we're friends, don't cha know? You, me, Captain Fred, Little Squirt. We go back a long way. Remember the time that I was wounded and you... you took care of me?
"B.A." Baracus: I remember that. But I do remember you squirting water in my face. And you gotta pay. Meet Big Squirt, fool!

"The A-Team: Timber! (#3.5)" (1984)
Billy Lawrence: You take care of yourself now, B.A.
"B.A." Baracus: Ok, Billy, you listen to your mother. And don't you worry about B.A., I'll be back for supper.

"B.A." Baracus: [wielding an axe] This is my union card!

"The A-Team: Bounty (#3.22)" (1985)
Faceman: B.A., I've never heard you sound so concerned about Murdock.
B.A.: I'm not concerned! It's just that the crazy fool can't help himself.

B.A. Baracus: Poor old Murdock. Out there all alone. Being chased by them bounty hunters. If they do anything to him...
Face: B.A., I've never heard you sound so concerned about Murdock.
B.A. Baracus: I'm not concerned! It's just that the crazy fool can't help himself.
Face: Gee, I think we're seeing a whole other side of Mr. Baracus here.
B.A. Baracus: You ain't seeing nothing! Now let's get Murdock.

"The A-Team: Holiday in the Hills (#1.8)" (1983)
Murdock: [firing up the ultralight] Red Carpet Flight 86 ready for boarding. All passengers holding tickets will now be on board.
B.A. Baracus: You got structural weakness in the wing struts and it won't hold you if you start any of your aerobatics. Remember, keep an eye on the silks. If they start to shred, take it down.
Murdock: I didn't know you cared, sweetheart.
[reaches up and grabs B.A. by his gold and pulls him down]
Murdock: Thanks, B.A.
[winks at him]
B.A. Baracus: Don't thank me.
[smiles at Murdock]
B.A. Baracus: Just keep it out of the trees.

Murdock: [firing up the ultralight] Red Carpet Flight 86 ready for boarding. All passengers holding tickets will now be onboard.
B.A. Baracus: You got structural weakness in the wing struts and it won't hold you if you start any of your aerobatics. Remember, keep an eye on the silks. If they start to shred, take it down.
Murdock: I didn't know you cared, sweetheart.
[reaches up and grabs B.A. by his gold and pulls him down]
Murdock: Thanks, B.A.
[winks at him]
B.A. Baracus: Don't thank me.
[smiles at Murdock]
B.A. Baracus: Just keep it out of the trees.

"The A-Team: The Grey Team (#5.12)" (1986)
Murdock: Just think, if we get a pardon, we may never have to eat a knuckle sandwich again.
B.A. Baracus: I wouldn't bet on it, crazy man, looks like Hannibal is on the jazz again.

Hannibal: What are we gonna do when this thing's over? I mean what are we really qualified to do?
Face: Go after thugs in the park?
Hannibal: And outlawed motorcycle gangs, organized crime figures, why, there's a world of slimeballs out there.
Murdock: I knew it. I just knew you had a plan.
Hannibal: Comforting, isn't it?
B.A. Baracus: I'll get the van!

"The A-Team: When You Comin' Back, Range Rider?: Part 2 (#2.6)" (1983)
Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Daniel, will you say goodbye to, to Ed for me, and will you tell him that he ever needs me, if he, if he ever feels the need to talk to anyone, about... I'll always lend an ear.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Good, cause you ain't got no brains!

Face: B.A. stop moving, you're going to rub me raw with these ropes.
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: I ain't moving, the train's moving.
Face: Oh great, just what we need, an Abbott and Costello joke.

"The A-Team: The Maltese Cow (#2.13)" (1984)
"B.A." Baracus: You don't shut up, Murdock, I'm gonna ring your gong for good.

B.A. Baracus: [B.A. puts on Mack Murdock's fedora] That night, there was a new private eye in town, and his name was B.A. Baracus. Right now he was looking down on the Maltese Fool, thinking maybe he ought to break his arm and cause him serious pain.

"The A-Team: Road Games (#3.18)" (1985)
"Howling Mad" Murdock: Hey Big Guy, you don't think they put that casino on wheels, do you?
B.A. Baracus: Oh no, I'll go get the van, you check inside the warehouse!
"Howling Mad" Murdock: You got it!

B.A. Baracus: Hey fellas, did it go alright?
[Murdock opens his mouth]
B.A. Baracus: No feedback, Murdock, just nod.

"The A-Team: Without Reservations (#5.13)" (1987)
B.A. Baracus: ANCHOVIES! Anchovies! That fool put anchovies on this pizza! I'm gonna kill him!

"Hannibal" Smith: How's the pain?
Faceman: Well, only hurts when I breathe.
"B.A." Baracus: You was out cold for a day and a half in the hospital.
Frankie Santana: They say you hit on two nurses while you were sedated.
Faceman: Really? How did I do?
"Hannibal" Smith: You invoked great sympathy. They left their telephone numbers.

"The A-Team: The Say U.N.C.L.E. Affair (#5.6)" (1986)
B.A.: I can't take no more of this jukebox music!
[grabs the compact disc player]
Frankie: Hey! Be careful with that, it belongs to my cousin!
B.A.: If you crank it up one more time it belongs to the garbageman!

B.A.: [Murdock is singing "Fly me to the Moon"] Hey, fool, shut up!
Murdock: Mind your manners, Sammy, or I'll have Dino throw you out.

"The A-Team: Trouble on Wheels (#3.7)" (1984)
Murdock: [B.A.'s foot has been hurt] Now listen, I can help you, but you have to listen to me, you understand. Pain is in the head, so if you think it hurts, it's gonna hurt. So, you gotta think nice things. Just, just think happy thoughts; go ahead.
"B.A." Baracus: Okay. I'm thinkin' you got hit by a bus.

"B.A." Baracus: What are we gonna do, Hannibal? They got Rudy and his family.
Hannibal: We'll have to mount an attack on him right away.
Faceman: Attack? Eh, what kind of attack?
Hannibal: A classic: the reverse-frontal assault.
Murdock: That's a great one.
Faceman: Eh, reverse-frontal?

"The A-Team: Quarterback Sneak (#5.4)" (1986)
Frankie Santana: 'Scuse me, why is Murdock playing with his underwear?
"B.A." Baracus: Some fool paying him to do it.

Gen. Hunt Stockwell: You're going to be flying into East Berlin and bring him out.
"B.A." Baracus: Flying into where?
H.M. Murdock: East Berlin. It's just east of West Berlin.

"The A-Team: Judgement Day: Part 1 (#4.1)" (1985)
"Hannibal" Smith: Now lets concentrate on rescuing the girl.
Faceman: Hannibal has a plan.
"B.A." Baracus: We're going through the front door again, right?
"Hannibal" Smith: I think he's getting to know me!

"Hannibal" Smith: [after B.A. drives the truck through the plane and blows it up] Well B.A., what do you have to say for yourself?
"B.A." Baracus: We ain't flying.

"The A-Team: The Bells of St. Mary's (#3.11)" (1984)
Murdock: Did you know that, that you inspire men? You are a natural leader and I... I stand in awe of the Barracan one.
"B.A." Baracus: I have no time for the jibber jabber!

"Hannibal" Smith: We never mess around with our clients. It muddies the atmosphere, it distorts our thinking, it is dangerous.
"Faceman": That rule!
"B.A." Baracus: Hannibal's right. Can't mess with these ladies.
"Faceman": Aw, come on, guys, rules were made to be broken.
"Hannibal" Smith: Noses are also made to be broken, right, Face?

"The A-Team: Alive at Five (#5.7)" (1986)
Faceman: We've done everything that Stockwell has asked and he's never so much as even said thank you. We've even saved the guys life. As long as we keep succeding in these missions, he's gonna keep us around for more and a soon as we start fail, well, we're dead.
B.A. Baracus: That's a good point.
Faceman: I'm telling you, Stockwell has taken over our lives. He's even started taking over my dreams.
Frankie: Can he do that?

B.A. Baracus: Hold it, Hannibal, what about this roadblock? You don't expect me to turn this piece of junk into a tank with the spare parts from the kitchen, do you?

"The A-Team: Pros and Cons (#1.3)" (1983)
Murdock: They don't let crazy people vote! They take that right away from you once you're commited. We are also immune to fear. We cannot connect emotionally to the concept of cerebal damage.
B.A. Baracus: I gettin' tired of this crazy rap, Murdock.
Murdock: How do you think I feel about it? I have to listen to it all day.

Joey: I don't have time to make ashtrays!
B.A. Baracus: I know, neither do I. But since I got put in charge of arts and crafts, I *make* time.

"The A-Team: The Heart of Rock N' Roll (#4.6)" (1985)
Face: Boy, C.J. Mack. I wore out three copies of his 'Blood Simple' album when we were in 'Nam.
B.A.: Hey man, there isn't a dude alive who haven't heard of C.J. Mack.
Murdock: You can say that again, brother, for right in the middle of the blood and the guts and the noise, you could hear the reasuring sounds of C.J. Mack. And 'Blood Simple' was practically the common soldier's anthem.
Hannibal: That was before he got send up for manslaugther.
Rick James: Before he got send for manslaughter, that's nothing. The judge gave him full sentence man, 'cause he was rock and roll and loud music and all that silly nonsense. But that was way back then. And he pleaded guilty. And he admitted he fell asleep at the wheel, and he admitted he hit the girl, but he wasn't on no drugs, he didn't have any alcohol in his system. He's a special kinda cat, man, and he took the full account. I don't know what it is, but something's happened, he's into something, and I really wanna help him.

C.J. Mack: Rock and roll might be here to stay, but not C.J. I've been, B.A. I've been, and now I'm gone.
B.A.: That's crazy, man. You ain't no truck driver, or a surgeon. You don't retire or grow to old to do what you do. You can't. What you do is you. It's something inside you. And nothing can get rid of it. Unless you die.

"The A-Team: The Theory of Revolution (#5.5)" (1986)
[the A-Team is assigned to infiltrate foreign territory]
Carla: As Americans, you can expect to be shot on sight if you're discovered.
Frankie "Dishpan" Santana: Well, how do they feel about Puerto Ricans?
B.A. Baracus: And black people?

B.A. Baracus: Hey Santana, you done here yet?
Frankie Santana: B.A., genius and artistry cannot be rushed.
B.A. Baracus: Hey man, you don't hurry up, those people are gonna die.
Frankie Santana: Like I said, nothing here that can't pass for perfection.

"The A-Team: Body Slam (#4.7)" (1985)
"B.A." Baracus: Good to see you, man, you're looking great!
Hulk Hogan: Mean, clean, human destruction machine!
"B.A." Baracus: Yeah!
Face: [to Hannibal] Regular mutual appreciation society.

"Hannibal" Smith: You two met in 'Nam, huh?
Hulk Hogan: Yeah, B.A. was the baddest dude I ever met in 'Nam.
Murdock: B.A. says he saved your life over there.
Hulk Hogan: Hey, he didn't save my life, I saved his live.
"B.A." Baracus: No man, you get it all wrong, you've been getting it mixed up for years, man. Don't you remember Da Nang and the tent I visit?
Hulk Hogan: Yeah when we were pinned down in the hut.
Hulk Hogan, "B.A." Baracus: And you took a shell that knocked you cold
Hulk Hogan: You took the shell!
"B.A." Baracus: No, you took the shell!
[they angrily but heads]
"Hannibal" Smith: I think they both took the shell.

"The A-Team: Point of No Return (#5.9)" (1986)
Gen. Hunt Stockwell: Where are Peck and Murdock?
Frankie Santana (Empress 12): Oh, eh Face, he saw a woman... that he knows and Murdock he saw...
B.A. Baracus (Empress 10): Something in his head and no telling what it was.

Murdock (Empress 9): [Murdock thinks he's got radioactive poisoning] That flower, where I touched it, it's turned brown. I killed that flower with radioactivity... My hair is falling out. I have started down the long, last road to Dante's nuclear fires.
B.A. Baracus (Empress 10): It's plastic, fool!
Murdock (Empress 9): Than it's worse than I thought.

"The A-Team: A Small and Deadly War (#1.4)" (1983)
B.A: All right Hannibal, how do we shut these guys down? I mean these guys are S.W.A.T. trained in special weapons and tactics. That's our bag. It's gonna be like going up against ourselves.
Hannibal: Exciting, isn't it?

Hannibal: It's the same plan we nailed that Kong General with outside Ka-san.
Face: Ah, You mean where I took it in the leg.
Murdock: Where I got shot down?
B.A.: That was a terrible plan!
Hannibal: Now we got all the kinks worked out of it.

"The A-Team: The Bend in the River: Part 2 (#3.3)" (1984)
B.A. Baracus: [Murdock has been singing 'The Witch Doctor' wearing a tribal mask] What, are you crazy, fool?
H.M. Murdock: Walla walla bing bang!
B.A. Baracus: I coul'da hurt you before I realized who was behind this crazy thing! You're supposed to be on guard duty. Now take over, while I go check out the perimeter and keep on your job, or I'll walla walla bing bang you!

Brian Lefcourt: What would Ritterman be doing building a nuclear reactor in the middle of the Amazon jungle?
Face: [Ritterman and his solder give each other a Sieg Heil salute] Did you see that? Did you see what he did?
B.A. Baracus: Nazi, Hannibal! They're Nazi's!
Doyle: They are the New Reich. Strong, able, undefeatable. What do intend to do now, Smith? Take them all on? Just the four of you? Haha. Two women and a lame? Heh!

"The A-Team: Champ! (#3.16)" (1985)
B.A. Baracus: [Murdock is massaging B.A] Hannibal, I hope this plan of yours works, before this fool disconnects my back.
"Hannibal" Smith: Ah, Doesn't a rat always come back for the cheese?

Murdock: I can feel the tension flowing out of these sinewy slabs of muscle and they're turning... they're turning soft, very soft. They're turning into spongelike globs of jelly!
B.A. Baracus: The only thing turning to jelly is your brain!
Murdock: You know, you could be right.

"The A-Team: Members Only (#4.15)" (1986)
Sgt. B.A. Baracus: I knew it ! I knew it, all these rich folks are crooks!
Capt. H.M. Murdock: [posh accent] That is a gross generalisation applied to an entire socialogical target group.
Sgt. B.A. Baracus: Yeah, but it's true!

Lt. Templeton Peck: Well, this it typical: one minute you're a member of an exclusive club, the next minute you're a waiter. A fake waiter.
Adrian Prescott: Oh, I'm sorry about you losing your membership.
Capt. H.M. Murdock: Why don't you become one of Dr. Richter's patients? Then maybe he can bring you here, as a guest.
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Yeah, look at the bright side, Face. Chuck McCraw and Bob McKeever lost their memberships too.
Sgt. B.A. Baracus: Yeah, they'll probably start their own club in prison.

"The A-Team: Incident at Crystal Lake (#3.25)" (1985)
B.A.: Flying is out man, anywhere we wanna go, we can stay on the ground.
Faceman: Well, we could go to a movie, beyond that, I, eh...

B.A.: All I know, this cupboard over there is as empty as Murdock's head. I shoulda known better than to let that fool plan our vacation!

"The A-Team: Where Is the Monster When You Need Him? (#4.3)" (1985)
B.A. Baracus: [to Ramon DeJarro, who's practically pinned against the front of the jeep] Drop your weapon or I hit the gas!

Charles Lake: [about Murdock] Somebody shut this nut up.
B.A. Baracus: I've been trying to shut him up for 15 years, can't shut him up, but I'd rather listen to his crazy jibber jabber than you' whine.

"The A-Team: Uncle Buckle-Up (#4.12)" (1985)
B.A. Baracus: [to Face] You was messing with Uncle Buckle-Up's daughter?

"The A-Team: The Crystal Skull (#5.10)" (1986)
B.A.: [looking at the Toga tribe] A bunch of fools worhipping the King Fool of all time!

"The A-Team: Mission of Peace (#4.20)" (1986)
Hannibal: We would've been here sooner but...
Babbette: The old lady wouldn't floor it on the accelerator. I don't speed!
B.A. Baracus: You wanted her to speed, Hannibal?

"The A-Team: The Trouble with Harry (#4.21)" (1986)
Hulk Hogan: What's the plan, Hannibal?
B.A. Baracus: Front door, I know you're gonna say the front door. We always go through the front door. I'm sick and tired of going through the front door.
Hannibal: You got a better idea, B.A., I'm ready.

"The A-Team: The Battle of Bel Air (#2.15)" (1984)
B.A. Baracus: You call that a helicopter? Man, that thing can't make coleslaw!

"The A-Team: The Bend in the River: Part 1 (#3.2)" (1984)
Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: [after finding out they're going to take a plane] You ain't gonna get me to eat, drink or swallow ANYTHING!
Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [runs to front of the van bring back B.A.'s milk carton] Then I guess you don't want this last swallow of your milk.
[realizes he's already been drugged. Raises his fist then passes out]

"The A-Team: Dishpan Man (#5.1)" (1986)
John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, B.A., I'd like you to meet 'Dishpan' Frankie Santana, the best special effects man in Hollywood.
Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Is this the dude who blew you up, Hannibal?
Frankie "Dishpan" Santana: And who are you, a labor rep from the jewelery market?
Templeton "Faceman" Peck: I like him. He's got a reckless streak.

"The A-Team: Diamonds 'n Dust (#2.1)" (1983)
Murdock: [handing B.A. his stuffed Teddy] Take care of Bogey for me, will you B.A.? He's ain't old enough to drink yet.
B.A.: The man is nuts!
[Throws the bear into the car]

"The A-Team: Family Reunion (#5.8)" (1986)
B.A. Baracus: Let's cook the sucker!
[after getting no answers from a bad guy]

"The A-Team: Knights of the Road (#3.20)" (1985)
B.A. Baracus: You got the clamps on tight, crazy man?
Murdock: I am shocked. I am shocked that you would for even a moment, consider casting any doubts on the ability of a Knight of the Road.
B.A. Baracus: I'll cast my fist on your lips if you don't answer the question!
Murdock: Well they are tight, sir. I wrapped the monster jaws around the unsuspecting wire and I pressed, and I pressed until they became one with each other. In fact, it was such a beautiful moment, I may need a cigarette.

"The A-Team: Labor Pains (#2.8)" (1983)
B.A. Baracus: [to one of Jarett's men] I don't like to hear about people starving, especially children.

"The A-Team: The Rabbit Who Ate Las Vegas (#1.6)" (1983)
Hannibal: [Thinly disguised as an African American] Remember, black is beautiful.
B.A.: Not on you it ain't!

"The A-Team: The A-Team Is Coming, the A-Team Is Coming (#4.14)" (1986)
Hannibal Smith: Sorry you had to go through all this, Katrina.
Katrina Karpov: It was wonderful!
Face: Somehow I thought candlelight diner might be more to your liking.
Katrina Karpov: It was like James Bond, no?
Murdock: You know Katrina, I have to agree with you. From a standpoint of entertainment on the Murdock scale of one to ten, I'd have to give it a nine.
B.A. Baracus: A nine? Let me see you drive like that!
Murdock: But I never give a ten, never, never, never, never, never. I mean there's no such thing as perfection in the arts, B.A.
B.A. Baracus: [raising his fist] This is a ten on B.A. scale. Ten being total pain!

"The A-Team: Till Death Do Us Part (#1.11)" (1983)
Murdock: Eh, would you mind delivering this for me?
"Hannibal" Smith: What is it?
"B.A." Baracus: It's that stupid letter he was writing last night, Hannibal. The man is nuts. He's writing Cutter a letter, telling him how sorry and bad he feel for leaving the man at the altar.
"Hannibal" Smith: [sincerely] He was lucky to have had you, as short a time as he did.
"B.A." Baracus: Oh man!

"The A-Team: The Spy Who Mugged Me (#5.11)" (1986)
B.A. Baracus: Thanks for the help, Murdock!
Murdock: [as Special Agent Logan Ross] It wouldn't do for Logan Ross to break a sweat.

"The A-Team: It's a Desert Out There (#2.18)" (1984)
B.A. Baracus: The man said hit the deck, Jack, hit it!

"The A-Team: Cup A' Joe (#3.14)" (1985)
Hannibal: How's it look, B.A.?
B.A.: The fools under the truck. I hope he knows what he's doing!
Face: You might be surprised at what ole' Murdock knows. Now, I get the feeling more and more that his brain works on many dfferent levels. Like layers, peeling away one after the other, exposing new and wonderous aspects of H.M. Murdock.
Hannibal: That's very poetic, Face.
Face: I thought so.
B.A.: Poetic? You mean pathetic! You peel at Murdock's brain, you get nothing but jello!

"The A-Team: The Doctor Is Out (#4.11)" (1985)
B.A. Baracus: [facing a firing squad] You guys really make me mad. You wake me up so I can get killed.

"The A-Team: Double Heat (#3.6)" (1984)
Ray Evans: Look it was just a coincidence we were there...
"Hannibal" Smith: I don't believe in coincidence. More importantly, neither does he.
[indicating B.A]
"B.A." Baracus: That's right. I hate coincidence!

"The A-Team: The Little Town with an Accent (#4.22)" (1986)
Sheriff Annie Plummer: [on carphone] Jim? Sheriff Plummer. Turn 'em loose and help 'em do whatever they want. And Smith says to tell his people to 'build it'. We're on our way.
Deputy: [hangs up phone] You're free. And Smith's orders is to build it? Whatever that means.
B.A. Baracus: That means he's on the jazz.
[shakes hands with the Faceman]

"The A-Team: Harder Than It Looks (#2.20)" (1984)
Murdock: The Colonel really bends my mind out of shape, you know.
"B.A." Baracus: Man, if you're mind was bend out of shape, it'd be straight, fool.