Stanley Roper
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Quotes for
Stanley Roper (Character)
from "Three's Company" (1976)

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"Three's Company: A Man About the House (#1.1)" (1977)
Stanley Roper: Look at that crack in the ceiling. You know that party caused that.
Helen Roper: The party didn't cause that.
Stanley Roper: Oh yah. Then what did?
Helen Roper: It was the earthquake last year. Oh it was exciting.
Stanley Roper: Exciting?
Helen Roper: Yah, it was the first time our bed moved in years.

Stanley Roper: You know, Helen, you've got enough mouth for three lips!

Stanley Roper: I wonder what game's going on up there.
Helen Roper: Oh, probably something delightfully kinky that only three can play.

[to his wife]
Stanley Roper: You know, it's a shame you don't live in India. You'd be sacred there.

"Three's Company: Good Old Reliable Janet (#3.2)" (1978)
Helen Roper: [naked behind the flower box] Don't come over here, Stanley!
Stanley Roper: Why not? What are you got back there that I haven't seen before?
Janet Wood: Me!
Chrissy Snow: Janet, what are you doing back there?
Janet Wood: Giving the azalias a thrill.

Stanley Roper: [Helen and Janet are naked] Why didn't you go into the apartment?
Helen Roper: The door's locked!
Stanley Roper: Why didn't you take your key?
Helen Roper: Where would I keep it, Stanley?

"The Ropers: Moving On (#1.1)" (1979)
Helen Roper: Stanley, You have to see the bathroom.
Stanley Roper: Why? I don't have to go.

Stanley Roper: This is a perefect spot for my drumset
Jeffrey P. Brookes III: Oh, absolute, you play the drums?
Stanley Roper: Only when I give a party... three or four times a week.
Jeffrey P. Brookes III: Three, or four times a week?
Stanley Roper: They come mainly for the cock fighting.

"Three's Company: Larry's Bride (#3.8)" (1978)
Helen Roper: Stanley, you can't play a bugle at a wedding. It's not appropriate.
Stanley Roper: Why not? It started all the other wars.

"Three's Company: Days of Beer and Weeds (#2.22)" (1978)
Stanley Roper: [trying to get to roommates to clear his yard] Who would benefit from cleaning it?
Janet Wood: You would!
Stanley Roper: Who would enjoy the fresh air and exercise?
Chrissy Snow: Not us!
Stanley Roper: Who can't afford a rent increase on their apartment?
Jack Tripper: Mr Roper, there is a word for the kind of threat that you just made.
Stanley Roper: Yeah? What?
Jack Tripper: Effective.

"Three's Company: An Anniversary Surprise (#3.20)" (1979)
Jack Tripper: Mr. Roper, you didn't tell me there was another woman!
Stanley Roper: This isn't a woman, this is Mrs. Dawson!
Chrissy: Oh! She's married!
Janet Wood Dawson: Chrissy, I wonder if her husband knows!
Chrissy: Of course he knows, he must have been at the wedding!

"Three's Company: Helen's Job (#2.13)" (1977)
Helen Roper: I know. I'll get a job that's what I'll do.
Stanley Roper: What? You get a job? What can you do?
Helen Roper: I can do lots of things. I worked before. When I was a girl I used to work for the post office.
Stanley Roper: Well, times have changed since the Pony Express.