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Quotes for
Stuart Minkus (Character)
from "Boy Meets World" (1993)

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"Boy Meets World: The Play's the Thing (#1.20)" (1994)
[rehearsing Hamlet]
Stuart Minkus: [as Hamlet, over-emphasizing and facing upstage] Whaaaaat is heeeeee... who's grief bears such an eeeeemphasiiiiisss...
[Mr. Feeny groans]
George Feeny: Stop, Mr. Minkus.
Stuart Minkus: I answer only to 'Hamlet.'
George Feeny: Stop Mr. Hamlet! You're supposed to be facing the audience!
Stuart Minkus: Aren't I?
[he turns and almost falls off the stage before Feeny catches him]
George Feeny: Hamlet, where are your glasses?
Stuart Minkus: Mr. Feeny, they didn't have glasses in the Middle Ages.
George Feeny: Put on your glasses and climb into Ophelia's grave!
Stuart Minkus: You know, I read an article that Elizabethan English is a lot like American southern. So let me show you a little something I've been playing around with.
[Southern accent]
Stuart Minkus: Shazam! Show me what thou't do! Woo't weep? Woo't fight? Woo't tear thyself?
Cory Matthews: Oh great. "Ernest goes to Denmark."

Stuart Minkus: Melancholy Dane. He was Danish. You know, maybe I should try this with a Scandinavian accent.
[Thick Scandinavian accent]
Stuart Minkus: Soft you now, the fair ophelia. Nymph, in thy orisons be all my sins remembered.
Cory Matthews: Wait till Feeny sees our Prince Haagen Dazs over there.

"Girl Meets World: Girl Meets Maya's Mother (#1.7)" (2014)
Cory Matthews: Minkus.
Stuart Minkus: Topanga!
Topanga Matthews: Stuart.
Stuart Minkus: Topanga!
Farkle Minkus: Father.
Stuart Minkus: Farkle.
Lucas Friar: Wait a minute...
Farkle Minkus: Yes?
Lucas Friar: He is your father?
Farkle Minkus: Look at us!
Lucas Friar: Your name is Farkle Minkus?
Farkle Minkus: Don't wear it out.
Lucas Friar: I don't know how you could.

Stuart Minkus: So these are the two ladies you tell me keep chasing you, huh?
Farkle Minkus: [whispering to Riley and Maya] Please?
Riley Matthews: Yes, sir, it's us.
Maya Hart: I'm not doing it.
[Riley gives her a nudge]
Maya Hart: Yes, sir, it is us. We hope that one day one of us will be lucky enough to become the future Mrs. Farkle Minkus and have a lot of baby minkii.

"Boy Meets World: She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not (#1.13)" (1994)
Eric Matthews: [addressing Cory's class] You've all known each other since kindergarten, but next year there's gonna be maybe 9 or 10 other 6th grade classes from different schools making up your 7th grade class and you're not gonna know all those kids. A lot of them are going to think differently than you.
Stuart Minkus: What do you mean?
Eric Matthews: Well, do you smoke cigarettes?
Stuart Minkus: No.
Eric Matthews: Lot of kids in your new school will, lot of them will try and pressure you into it, telling you how cool it is to smoke. You want to be cool, don't you?
Stuart Minkus: More than you can ever know.
Eric Matthews: Maybe you'll smoke.
Stuart Minkus: I don't think so.
Eric Matthews: Why not?
Stuart Minkus: Because according to the New England journal of medicine, smoking reduces lung capacity, leads to emphysema and causes heart attack and lung cancer.
Eric Matthews: What if...
[points at Topanga]
Eric Matthews: she thought it was cool, then would you smoke then?
Stuart Minkus: In a heartbeat.
Eric Matthews: WELCOME to the world of peer pressure.
[to Topanga]
Eric Matthews: So, he smokes, you think that's cool?
Topanga Lawrence: I think anyone who smokes is a disgusting pig!
Stuart Minkus: I'm trying to quit!
Eric Matthews: It's not that easy, Minkus, there's all kinds of pressures. What about alcohol?
Stuart Minkus: Could you use someone else as an example, please?
Eric Matthews: [to Cory] What about alcohol?
Cory Matthews: What about it?
Eric Matthews: [to Shawn] What about drugs?
Cory Matthews: Hey, calm down, Eric, we're not into that stuff, what we like is baseball and comic books.
Eric Matthews: Yeah, that's what you like NOW, but that's going to change, just like you're changing schools, just like you're gonna start feeling a lot of new stuff inside of you you're not really gonna understand.
Cory Matthews: How do you know?
Eric Matthews: Because you're growing up.
[to Topanga]
Eric Matthews: Some of you have already started.

"Boy Meets World: Cory's Alternative Friends (#1.4)" (1993)
Stuart Minkus: Are you proposing to help us?
Cory Matthews: Yeah. I guess I am.
Topanga Lawrence: Why?
Cory Matthews: Because life is strange, and now, so am I.

"Boy Meets World: Graduation (#5.24)" (1998)
[Graduation week, Topanga walks up to Cory and Shawn in the hallway]
Topanga: I finished my valedictorian speech. You guys wanna hear it?
Stuart Minkus: Oh? What makes you so sure you're valedictorian, little missy?
Topanga: Cause I'm Topanga.
Stuart Minkus: Well, I'm Minkus, and last time I checked, I had 699 As, which by my count, is that same number as you.
Cory: You counted As? What kind of sick person would count As?
[Topanga looks at him]
Cory: Oh.
Topanga: I'll tell you what to do, Stuart. You can go get Feeny's gradebook and count them AGAIN.
Stuart Minkus: You did something, didn't you?
[to Cory]
Stuart Minkus: She did something, didn't she?
Cory: Take it easy, Minkus. You never had a chance.
Stuart Minkus: Oh, she's an evil little girl, Cory. She's an evil little girl.
Cory: Yeah, but every time I kiss her, it don't care.

"Boy Meets World: On the Fence (#1.2)" (1993)
Cory Matthews: You kids and your water wars. I'd love to join you, but I'm having way too much fun here.
Shawn Hunter: You're bailing on the water war?
Ellis: To paint a fence?
Cory Matthews: You say paint a fence, I say par-ty. And by the way, even if you wanted to, I wouldn't cut you in on this action.
Shawn Hunter: Why not? I thought we were friends.
Ellis: Yeah, how come you're cutting us out?
Stuart Minkus: People, people, am I the only one who read the summer reading list?
[pauses when nobody answers]
Stuart Minkus: Tom Sawyer?
[pauses again]
Stuart Minkus: He's sucking you in to do the work for him.
[Ellis points his water gun at Cory]
Cory Matthews: [referring to Minkus' yellow Paddington Bear rainsuit] Guys, who are you gonna listen to, me or the banana?
Shawn Hunter: Well, let's see. The banana says play. You say work. We're gonna hang with the big yellow guy.

"Boy Meets World: Teacher's Bet (#1.8)" (1993)
Cory Matthews: Minkus... Stuart, I need your help, maybe if you paid attention the rest of the class would too.
Stuart Minkus: Why should I help you? You made fun of Mr. Feeny and said he gets paid too much.

"Boy Meets World: Santa's Little Helper (#1.10)" (1993)
Stuart Minkus: May I sit down?
Cory Matthews, Shawn Hunter: No.
Stuart Minkus: Well, since you're ambivalent.
[He sits]
Stuart Minkus: Ah, Christmas. Season of togetherness. Season of brotherhood.
Cory Matthews: Season of wool. Nine out ten Christmas gifts? Wool. It doesn't matter if it's shaped like socks or a sweater, it's wool and it's itchy.
Stuart Minkus: The gift isn't as important as the thought behind it.
Cory Matthews: What's the thought behind wool? This kid doesn't scratch enough?