Chris Skelton
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Quotes for
Chris Skelton (Character)
from "Life on Mars" (2006)

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"Ashes to Ashes: Episode #2.7" (2009)
Molly Drake: Mum? Mum? Mummy? Mummy? Mum? The doctor got the bullet out. You're going to be okay. He said if you get plenty of rest, and if there are no complications, you're going to wake up. You're going to be fine. Mum? Mummy? Mum?...
Chris Skelton: ...Ma'am? Do you want a biscuit, ma'am? Do you want a biscuit?
Alex Drake: No, I, erm, must have dozed off.
Gene Hunt: This is supposed to be a stakeout not a midnight feast at Malory Towers.
DS Ray Carling: Pillow fights and gym knickers, eh?
[All laugh]
Gene Hunt: Shake a leg, boys. Informant has it something big is going off, and I'm not referring to Ray's unsavoury teenage fantasies.
Chris Skelton: Here you are, guv, Shaz made it.
Gene Hunt: Not enough sugar. Or milk. Or tea.

Gene Hunt: Daddy Bear in position.
DS Ray Carling: Big Bear set.
Chris Skelton: Baby Bear ready.

DS Ray Carling: [He uses a pneumatic/jackhammer drill to break away the concrete surrounding the dead body]
Gene Hunt: Oi! Oi! What do you think you're doing?
DS Ray Carling: Digging him out.
Gene Hunt: We want a body on a mortuary slab not a plate of dog food, use a ruddy chisel.
DS Ray Carling: Guv, that'll take ages.
Gene Hunt: Well you better get started then.
Chris Skelton: I haven't had my turn yet.

DS Ray Carling: Now that sounds more like it. What's she like?
Shaz Granger: Karen? She's great.
DS Ray Carling: She's great?
Chris Skelton: Yeah, she's great, Karen. Dead funny. Really nice
[mimes big boobs]
Chris Skelton: personality.
DS Ray Carling: I like that in my woman, a good
[mimes big boobs]
DS Ray Carling: personality!

"Ashes to Ashes: Episode #2.8" (2009)
Alex Drake: Chris?
Chris Skelton: I can't go back.
Alex Drake: Yes, you can, walk in with me. Come on.

Chris Skelton: Maybe we should have some lunch today?
Shaz Granger: Yeah, if I'm not too busy.
Chris Skelton: Of course, yeah. Only if you're not too busy.
Shaz Granger: Because I need to phone my mum, about the flowers.
Chris Skelton: Flowers?
Chris Skelton: Is there much point now?

DS Ray Carling: Sulk over then?
Chris Skelton: As long as this shit stops now.
DS Ray Carling: Fair enough.
Alex Drake: Chris made a real breakthrough today on Operation Rose. Quite frankly, he was brilliant.

"Life on Mars: Episode #1.3" (2006)
DS Chris Skelton: Bingo! I got one. Martin Ellis, lorry driver. Waiting for a fabrics pick-up at 2:30 this morning. Spotted a thickset man running out of the loom hall.
Sam Tyler: Good, can I see it?
[Chris shows Sam a black and white picture with a head which looks like a butternut squash with ears]
Sam Tyler: Chris, have you ever seen anybody that looks like that?
DS Chris Skelton: It's the best we could do.
Sam Tyler: It's a doddle, then. We're looking for someone with hamster's cheeks, a nose like Audrey Hepburn and two foot of forehead.

Sam Tyler: The time, Chris?
DS Chris Skelton: Four-ish.
Sam Tyler: Precise time.
DS Chris Skelton: Just after four. Er, five, ten past.
Sam Tyler: Four-oh-seven.
[Sam looking his watch finally]
DS Chris Skelton: Closer to ten past.
Sam Tyler: Thank you , DC Skelton.

"Life on Mars: Episode #1.1" (2006)
Chris Skelton: Someone needs to take a look at you boss, you're as white as a ginger bird's arse!

Gene: Right, we pulled a bird in, Dora Keane, she was the last person to see the victim alive.
Sam Tyler: Is she a suspect?
Gene: Nope, just a pain in the arse.
Sam Tyler: Okay, alright, brief me in full. What do I need to know?
Gene: She's a pain in the arse.
Sam Tyler: What, so you've handed her into lost property?
Chris Skelton: Well, we could use the canteen, but she's a right mouthy bird, this one.
Sam Tyler: Hang on, you're going to do the interview in there?
Gene: Thick walls.

"Life on Mars: Episode #2.4" (2007)
Ray Carling: Woman in her 20s.
Chris Skelton: Dead.
Gene Hunt: Well I didn't think she was sunbathing, did I?

Chris Skelton: [farting sound] Sorry.
Gene Hunt: What have you been eating? Pedigree Chum?

"Life on Mars: Episode #1.6" (2006)
Sam Tyler: [Office party aftermath. Chris is lying on the floor, asleep] Chris.
Chris Skelton: Five more minutes, dad.
Sam Tyler: And they call us the thin blue line.

Chris Skelton: [Annie appears in a nurse uniform] Blimey, I've dreamt about this.
Gene Hunt: [handing Annie a gun] Don't worry, love, just like riding a bike.
Sam Tyler: Guv, he's gonna frisk her.
Gene Hunt: You know, something tells me Reg isn't around lots birds. We stuff this down her knickers, it's the one place he won't have the nerve to look.
Chris Skelton: I'll do it.

"Life on Mars: Episode #2.1" (2007)
Chris Skelton: Boss? Bloody hell, you look like something out of the Addam's Family.
Sam Tyler: Up all night.
Chris Skelton: Oh aye. What was her name?
Sam Tyler: Migraine.
Chris Skelton: German bird?

"Ashes to Ashes: Episode #1.3" (2008)
DCI Gene Hunt: What is that?
Chris Skelton: It's a kebab.
DCI Gene Hunt: It looks like a bloody pasty with its arse hanging out.

"Ashes to Ashes: Episode #1.7" (2008)
DI Alex Drake: I propose, that given your reaction to the gender balance of the gang, that this is their first job.
DCI Gene Hunt: What, New Kids On The Block?
DI Alex Drake: Now that's a good name for a boy band!
WPC Sharon 'Shaz' Granger: Gov.
DCI Gene Hunt: Chris, Take That! It's the dodgy second hand car dealers. East 17!
DC Chris Skelton: Alright, Backstreet Boys.
DS Ray Carling: Yeah, let's get 'em Busted!
DI Alex Drake: Ooh God! I'm gonna scream!

"Life on Mars: Episode #1.7" (2006)
[Sam and Gene are going through everyone's statements in the canteen]
Gene Hunt: What did he do when you looked in?
Ray Carling: Flicked me the Vs.
Gene Hunt: [writing] "Brandished his arms in an aggressive and violent manner".
[jump cut to Chris]
Gene Hunt: How many times did you check on him?
Chris Skelton: Once. Maybe twice.
Gene Hunt: Your memory's hardly your best quality, is it Chris? Let's round it up to four.
[jump cut to Phyllis]
Phyllis Dobbs: I said, he slid the tray along the floor at her.
Gene Hunt: [writing] "Mr Kemble angrily threw food in the face of WPC Annie Cartwright."

"Life on Mars: Episode #2.8" (2007)
Sam Tyler: You're gonna make a good copper Chris.
Chris Skelton: Thanks. Fantastic.
Chris Skelton: What do you mean *gonna* make?

"Life on Mars: Episode #2.5" (2007)
Sam Tyler: God is in the details.
Chris Skelton: God is in church, smartypants.
[Sam glares at him]
Chris Skelton: I mean... boss.

"Life on Mars: Episode #2.6" (2007)
[looking at a body]
Chris Skelton: I wonder what killed him?
Gene Hunt: That'll be the bloody enormous hole in his chest where the bullet went in!

"Life on Mars: Episode #2.2" (2007)
Chris Skelton: Dickie's famous for getting caught in Alicante.
Ray Carling: Flagrante, Chris, in flagrante.

"Ashes to Ashes: Episode #3.8" (2010)
Chris Skelton: Coming, Ray?
Ray Carling: You are and always will be... the Guv
Gene Hunt: Danger of getting poofy, Raymondo.

"Life on Mars: Episode #1.8" (2006)
[last lines]
Ray Carling: So, what do you want to do now, Guv?
Gene: [thinks for a moment] Pub!
Ray Carling: [smirks] Pub.
Chris Skelton: [grins] Pub.
[Sam looks at the other three men in turn]
Sam Tyler: [slowly smiles] Pub.
[all get in car and drive off]