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Quotes for
Jack (Character)
from Employee of the Month (2004)

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Employee of the Month (2004)
Jack: The... the engagement party! How come you didn't invite me?
David Walsh: I didn't think you'd come.
Jack: I wouldn't have.
David Walsh: Then why are you here?
Jack: 'Cause you didn't invite me.
David Walsh: If I knew you're not going to come, why would I bother sending an invitation?

Jack: Look, there's a reason why I'm your oldest friend in the world.
David Walsh: I can't seem to remember what it is right now.
Jack: I tell the truth.

David Walsh: [about his fiancé] She loves me.
Jack: How much of her Kool-aid did you drink?

Jack: [after hearing David was fired] Tell that fuckstick boss of yours to take tomorrow's work day and shove it up his dick!
David Walsh: I don't even know what that means.
Jack: He'll know what it means!

Jack: Betting money on terminal cases? Even Manson would call bullshit on this freak show! Get out of here! God!
Dorff: Free country! Love it or leave it!

Jack: They don't deserve the steam off your piss!
David Walsh: Are you smoking crack?
Jack: No, not... not right now.

[in the sauna]
Jack: You ever watch figure skating, man?
David Walsh: Please don't talk. I've got a lot on my mind.
Jack: I'm not into the sushi, but Michelle Kwan...
David Walsh: What are you doing? Can we just sit here and not talk? Can we do that? Let's just try and do that.
Jack: ...I'd suck sake out of her ass in front of my grandmother.

David Walsh: Jack, you know Eric's gay.
Jack: Ya, he's here, he's queer, I'm used to it. I have no problems with queers.
Eric: Well, the community is going to be so thrilled to hear that, Jack.
Jack: I mean it! I mean, sucking dick, when chicks do it, I not only applaud, I want to watch it. I got, I got three-hour pornos with nothing but wall-to-wall ball to jaw. But when I think about chowing down on some other guys' wrinkled Mr. Lincoln...
[makes a face and tries to contain his laughter]
Eric: Jack, are you a cartoon character? I mean, does someone come to your house every morning and draw you on an easel?

Eric: Jack, I'm thinking of a number between one and ten.
Jack: Uh... Six.
Eric: Oh, so close. It was "Go fuck yourself!"

David Walsh: You just gave a dead woman's bracelet to an eighteen year old stripper, who's gonna fuck you in the parking lot, while you snort crank off a hunting knife.
Jack: Your point is?