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: The... the engagement party! How come you didn't invite me? David Walsh
: I didn't think you'd come. Jack
: I wouldn't have. David Walsh
: Then why are you here? Jack
: 'Cause you didn't invite me. David Walsh
: If I knew you're not going to come, why would I bother sending an invitation?
: Look, there's a reason why I'm your oldest friend in the world. David Walsh
: I can't seem to remember what it is right now. Jack
: I tell the truth.
: [about his fiancé
] She loves me. Jack
: How much of her Kool-aid did you drink?
: [after hearing David was fired
] Tell that fuckstick boss of yours to take tomorrow's work day and shove it up his dick! David Walsh
: I don't even know what that means. Jack
: He'll know what it means!
: Betting money on terminal cases? Even Manson would call bullshit on this freak show! Get out of here! God! Dorff
: Free country! Love it or leave it!
: They don't deserve the steam off your piss! David Walsh
: Are you smoking crack? Jack
: No, not... not right now.
[in the sauna
: You ever watch figure skating, man? David Walsh
: Please don't talk. I've got a lot on my mind. Jack
: I'm not into the sushi, but Michelle Kwan... David Walsh
: What are you doing? Can we just sit here and not talk? Can we do that? Let's just try and do that. Jack
: ...I'd suck sake out of her ass in front of my grandmother.
: Jack, you know Eric's gay. Jack
: Ya, he's here, he's queer, I'm used to it. I have no problems with queers. Eric
: Well, the community is going to be so thrilled to hear that, Jack. Jack
: I mean it! I mean, sucking dick, when chicks do it, I not only applaud, I want to watch it. I got, I got three-hour pornos with nothing but wall-to-wall ball to jaw. But when I think about chowing down on some other guys' wrinkled Mr. Lincoln...
[makes a face and tries to contain his laughter
: Jack, are you a cartoon character? I mean, does someone come to your house every morning and draw you on an easel?
: Jack, I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. Jack
: Uh... Six. Eric
: Oh, so close. It was "Go fuck yourself!"
: You just gave a dead woman's bracelet to an eighteen year old stripper, who's gonna fuck you in the parking lot, while you snort crank off a hunting knife. Jack
: Your point is?