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] My name is Dawson Leary, and I'm feeling kind of weary. Today is my birthday, and you all look a little bleary. The girl that I cared for left me and ran away, straight into the arms of a guy who turned out to be gay. I got the blues! Yeah! Today I woke up feeling I was born to lose! Andie
] My name is Andie, and my brother's the one who's gay. My other brother died, and my daddy went away. But I'm still Andie, and my boyfriend makes me randy. His name is Pacey, and my mom's gone completely crazy! I got the blues! Dawson
] I've been restless, hopeless and confused. This girl I told you about, she's been on the move. She's at my suprise party, where everyone I know is right now. When I show up late there, they're all gonna have a cow! Yeah, I got the blues!
[both Dawson and Andie are throwing up in a bathroom sink and toilet respectively from drinking
: I've learned one thing from my initiation into the evils of alcohol and that is be careful what you eat because you're gonna see it again. Andie
: Uh... and again, and again, and again.
[they both collapse against the bathroom wall side by side
: I swear, I'm never drinking again. Oh God, I'm so mortified at my behavior tonight. And to think that your parents saw me this way! Dawson
: God, if I survive this night... if anybody in my life ever speaks to me again, I swear I will never let another drop of alcohol touch my lips. Andie
: And if you ever see me pick up a drink, please remind me how I am feeling right now. Dawson
[both are about to shake hands when they both lean forward and run back to the sink and toilet to throw up again
: Alrighty. Question #1: "Have you ever been intimately aroused by a relative?" So, it's a southern test, huh? Jen
: #13: "Have you ever experimented with bondage?" Joey
: Joey: "Have you ever gotten cozy in an airplane?" Andie
: "... in a public place?" Chris Wolfe
: "... in your parent's bed?" Dawson
: "Have you ever caught your parents having sex?" Pacey
: #63: "Have you ever named your most private of regions?" Jen
: #69 *Everyone laughing* "Have you ever participated in..." Joey
: "Have you ever engaged in sexual activity with a member of the same sex?" Andie
: "... with a transvestite?" Pacey
: "... with a 4-legged creature?" Dawson
: "Have you ever paid for sex?" Chris Wolfe
: Does dinner count? Andie
: Question #84: "Have you ever fantasized about a friend's significant other?" *Silent* Very quiet in the room all of a sudden. Jen
: "Have you ever had an affair with a friend's significant other?" Chris Wolfe
: In my fantasy. Pacey
: Give me this. *takes magazine* "Have you ever had an affair with a friend's pet?" How come I get all the animal questions? Joey
: Okay, #100: *pauses* "Have you ever been in love? If so, how many times? Give yourself a point of purity for each time." *Joey looks at Dawson.* Andie
: Okay, let's score 'em up! Everybody ready?
[the girls are watching a porno video found in Dawson's room
: You are aware that where this tape begins, Dawson finished. Andie
: Finished what? Jen
: Shaking hands with the unemployed. Joey
: Boxing the bald-headed bishop. Abby
: Test-firing the missile. Andie
: All right, I get your point, guys.
: So what's the problem? Andie
: He's... He's not Pacey. Pathetic. I know. I know. And I thought I was over him. I really, really did. But then I bumped into him a little while ago, and... I mean, technically we're friends, right? And that's how I played it. But then it's, like, when I saw him, every irritating/adorable thing he ever did flashed before my eyes, and... I mean, that's the true test, right? When you just bump into somebody... And if you're not over him, then boom - floodgates.
: You guys are a bunch of cynics, you know that? I mean, what kind of high school memories will you have if all you did in high school was bitch and moan about everything? Joey
: Bitching memories. Dawson
: Moaning memories.
: Jen's a cheerleader and Jack's on the football team? OK, so I got sane and everyone else went crazy?
: [to Andie
] Listen, I know I've been distant recently. But I'm scared. I'm falling hopelessly in love with you. And it's terrifying. Andie
: Don't worry, Pacey. I share your fear. Pacey
: Really? Andie
: Yeah, your exact fear.
: Oww! A piece of crab shell. That's what I need right now, a chipped tooth. It'll keep men away from me for good. Andie
: If that doesn't work, you can always join me in the nunnery this summer. Jack
: At least you got to have relationships before they failed. Evelyn "Grams" Ryan
: Good grief, you all sound like a bunch of old ladies!