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[to Uncle Joe's British "nanny," Molly
: I didn't like the Beatles and I don't like you!
: Okay, Joe. Bare knuckles, toe to toe. We've spent 20 years eating your shit and saying, "Mmm, delicious! What a cook!" - no more!
: What's the matter with you? Are you retarded? Dennis
: Not according to the tests.
: I'm sure this may come as a shock. Frank
: No, shitting a sailboat is a shock, this is a fucking catastrophe!
: Oh, my God, I feel so horrible, I could cut out my tongue. Glen
: Here's a knife.
: Stop it! Don't you see what's happening here? Tina
: Yeah, you're out of scotch. Frank
: Oh, Tina, go lie down.
: Monday nights I go to this newsstand to get the new TV Guide for Joe. He likes to get it as early as possible so he can circle everything he wants to watch. Frank
: Does he circle your ass?
: You think I'm bonking the old gent, don't you? Frank
: Yeah, we do. Molly Richardson
: Let me tell you something, handsome. If I were having sex with your Uncle Joe, he'd be dead by now.
: I mean look at this. Her tongue is practically in his wallet.
: I had no idea just how sick you guys were. Frank
: Come spend a day with us. Daniel McTeague
: I'd rather shove this club up my ass. Glen
: I'll do it for you.
: I'm insane? For five years I begged you, "Let's put him in a home!" No, you didn't want to because you didn't have the balls! None of you have any balls!
: Why don't we all agree to stop here.Let this bimbo have his money.I mean isn't our self respect worth more than any inheritance? Frank
: [Referring to Danny
] He double crossed us. Daniel McTeague
: [to his dad
] Because they're scum.I mean they're greedy. Frank
: We're greedy.We were willing to share!
: [On hearing Joe's broke
] Dammit!Stupid.Stupid.We played along.We should have stepped in five years ago! Bartlett
: Two would have been enough.
] Happy birthday Uncle Joe! Frank
: That was last week.
: Look at these pictures she got of Glen and that gym instructor. Glen
: [grabs photographs
] That's not me. Frank
: Well it looks like you and that's all that matters.
: Stop! I've got a metal plate in my head. Danny McTeague
: You do? Frank