The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
: First the gym, then sailboarding, then a massage and manicure, and hanging with his buds at the yacht club. Tough day. Hm, boy I tell ya. Where's he goin' next, to get his Rolex polished? Mitch Buchannon
: Are we a little cranky today? Garner Ellerbee
: Boy, that kid doesn't have a silver spoon, he's got a silver shovel.
: You know, everyone in that group looked like world class skaters to me. Ryan McBride
: Mm, the term is inline skaters. Garner Ellerbee
: They weren't in line.
: I told you, the boy's a knucklehead. His mother's been buying him out of trouble all his life. Mitch Buchannon
: I think she's a good mom. She just started fifteen years too late. Garner Ellerbee
] If brains were leather, that boy couldn't saddle a flea.
: It was my bad karma, not Mitch's. Garner Ellerbee
: Yeah, but why did your bad karma have to rip my new jacket? Mitch Buchannon
: You're talkin' about a ripped jacket? I'm bleedin' to death here. Garner Ellerbee
: Man, that's a flesh wound. It'll mend, this won't.
: My man, what's happenin' with the threads? You're lookin' good! Mitch Buchannon
] Man thinks he's Shaft. Lou Raymond
: You mean he's a bad mother Mitch Buchannon
: Shut your mouth, he's a complicated man. Lou Raymond
] And nobody understands him but his woman. Mitch Buchannon
: Nobody understands him, period. Garner Ellerbee
: Except you, Mitch, which is why we're partners. Mitch Buchannon
: I knew there had to be a reason, John Shaft.
: Meritorious Moose? Bogart is hired to find the Maltese Falcon and we're hired to find a Meritorious Moose? Garner Ellerbee
: Partner, a gig's a gig. Now what's this all about with you and Cindy? Mitch Buchannon
: Well, she said I wasn't in touch with my feminine side. Garner Ellerbee
: Your what? Mitch Buchannon
: My feminine side! Garner Ellerbee
: Well she's right. Most men aren't. Mitch Buchannon
: Yeah, how do you know that? Garner Ellerbee
: Sally Jessy Raphael!
: You think Duncan did this? Mitch Buchannon
: I don't know, but there's one way to find out. Ryan McBride
: We could just set a trap and have one of the impersonators do Dahlia. Mitch Buchannon
: Got it. Garner Ellerbee
: Yeah, but which one? They're all scared to death. Mitch Buchannon
[Ryan smiles wide at Mitch
] Mitch Buchannon
: What? Ryan McBride
: He's a little tall.
] Ryan McBride
: Nice legs, decent voice. Not great, but not bad. Mitch Buchannon
: What? Garner Ellerbee
: Hm. Might even help him get in touch with his feminine side.
: [pointing a paintbrush at the office wall
] Ecru! Garner Ellerbee
: Beg your pardon? Mitch Buchannon
: Ecru! It's a vegetable. Garner Ellerbee
: That's okra.
: Repressed memories? Destiny Desimone
: Sally Jessy Raphael! Garner Ellerbee
: Sally Jessy had repressed memories? Destiny Desimone
: No, she did a show about people who did. Garner Ellerbee
: I didn't see that one. Destiny Desimone
: I have it on tape. Ryan McBride
: Oh my God, why did I leave New York?
: [Willie Logan has just exited the office after hiring the firm to find his "dad." He's lied about his mother
] Huh. She's sick. In bed. Ryan McBride
: At Auntie Em's house. Mitch Buchannon
: This isn't Kansas, Toto. Garner Ellerbee
: Hurry on down to Merv's Car Town, one oh five... Ryan McBride
: South Firestone, yeah. What's the deal? Garner Ellerbee
: Bogus little booger.
: [searching a dark tunnel for Ryan and Willie
] Flashlights always remind me of that movie, E.T. Remember? The guy with the keys in the woods? Garner Ellerbee
: Ugh, don't talk about movies. Mitch Buchannon
: Why not? Garner Ellerbee
: 'Cause I just saw Jurassic Park. Scared me to death. Mitch Buchannon
: Jurassic Park's not a scary movie. Invasion of the Body Snatchers, that's a scary movie. Garner Ellerbee
: Will you stop talking about scary movies? Mitch Buchannon
: What are you, scared? Garner Ellerbee
: I'm not scared. I'm trying to focus on a calm place, a babbling brook, a park or something. Mitch Buchannon
: Jurassic Park.
: I can't believe that this thing cost six hundred and fifty bucks, and it was on sale. Griff Walker
: Oh, hey, come on now, this stuff is gonna put you guys on the high tech map. Garner Ellerbee
: Oh, yeah, yeah, who wants to be a speed bump on the info superhighway? Ryan McBride
: Oh yeah. Yeah, you're right, Garner. But you can't eat a night scope.
[Garner arrives at Mitch's lifeguard tower riding a horse
] Garner Ellerbee
: What's the problem? Lt. Mitch Buchannon
: Uh... we just had a serious ordinance violation committed. Garner Ellerbee
: Wait, you called me here on an ordinance violation? Lt. Mitch Buchannon
: No, I called you here because these ladies' purses were stolen. You commited the ordinance violation. Garner Ellerbee
: Why? Lt. Mitch Buchannon
: What the hell is this thing doing on the beach anyway? People could be trampled out there. Garner Ellerbee
: Oh, never. Mitch, my dad owned a horse ranch in Georgia. I learned to ride horses before I learned to walk. You and your lifeguard trucks are far more dangerous than me and Kojak here. Now, you ladies can tell me what happened.
[there are plopping sounds as the horse is relieving himself
] Lt. Mitch Buchannon
: Ugh! Uh, your horse dropped something. Kojak, huh? Telly Savalas never did that.
: City cellular transmission site 881. That thing up there is a cell phone antenna. Ryan McBride
: Well those things are all over the city. Garner Ellerbee
: And there's gonna be a lot more of 'em. Beepers, cell phones, portable fax machines, and those little, uh, computers the UPS guys carry around? Ryan McBride
: Right. Garner Ellerbee
: They all use low-power radio and lots of antenna.
: [over the phone
] Listen, Mitch. I need some help tracking down Bobby Bahama. Is Ryan busy? Mitch Buchannon
: [over the phone
] Yeah, yeah, she's tied up on the gigolo case. Garner Ellerbee
: Come on, can't she break loose for a couple of hours? Mitch Buchannon
: Uh, sorry partner. No can do. Um, how about Destiny? Garner Ellerbee
: Aw give me a break. Look she's a sweet kid, but her elevator does not go all the way to the top.
: [Garner's car has just broken down. A young woman pulls over and approaches him
] Garner Ellerbee
: Hi. Summer
: Hello. Car trouble? Garner Ellerbee
] Yeah, one of those days. Summer
: Ahh, I've had those.
[looking at Garner's chicken costume
: Masquerade party. Garner Ellerbee
: Actually, I'm on my way home from work. Summer
: Really? Uhh, you're a professional chicken? Garner Ellerbee
] No, I'm a private investigator. Uh, undercover job, a stakeout. Summer
: At the coop?
] Garner Ellerbee
] Y'know, you're funny. I like that. Summer
: So are you. So do I. Garner Ellerbee
: Well, you know. Birds of a feather. Summer
: [offering her hand
] I'm Summer. Garner Ellerbee
: [shaking her hand
] I'm Garner. Summer
: I'm an attorney. Do you need one? Garner Ellerbee
: Uh, well no, but, um, I don't suppose you feel like picking up a little... chicken on the way home? Summer
: Well, hop in. I just love a man in a fowl mood.
: Say, Lea, um, why don't you let me see you home. Detective Lea Broussard
: I'm a cop, I can see myself home. I should be seeing you home. Garner Ellerbee
: You're allergic to my cat. Detective Lea Broussard
: You don't have a cat. Garner Ellerbee
: Don't argue.
: Uhh, I wonder, Paul, could you, kind of get to the point, I... Paul Whitset
: The point, yes. Uh, well, I have a mistress. I, I suppose that's what you would call her. But I say the word "mistress," it seems wrong, it sounds seedy and vile. Joy - that's her name, Joy - is none of that. She's really quite wonderful. I love her. More than I thought I could love anyone. In this turmoil, she's been my haven. Garner Ellerbee
: Well, I, I still don't understand. What's the problem? Paul Whitset
: I think she's gonna kill me.