Joe Scheffer
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Quotes for
Joe Scheffer (Character)
from Joe Somebody (2001)

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Joe Somebody (2001)
[after getting hit by trainer]
Joe: Do people ever come back here?

Meg Harper: You're having a panic attack, do you know what that means?
Joe: It sounds pretty self-explanatory.

Joe: You talkin' to me?

Joe Scheffer: Did you have fun?
Natalie Scheffer: Weekend from hell. They took me to another silly-ass hippie restaurant. With thee most absurd one-man play ever produced!
Joe Scheffer: "Silly-ass"?
Natalie Scheffer: Dad...

Natalie Scheffer: [on the phone with Joe] Dad, just tell me something. Is it you don't wanna see me. Or is it you don't want me to see you?
Joe: Yes... Yes to the second one.
Natalie Scheffer: [crying] DAD, just please let me come over. Just for a little while...
Joe: It's okay. Everything's all right. I'm just sittin' here drowning my sorrows in a - a quart of Ben and Jerrys Chunky Monkey.

Joe: Can you show me some of that Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger stuff?

Natalie Scheffer: Everything on the menu was made with curd. Curd this, curd that. I MEAN, I ordered a hamburger and I got a ten-minute lecture on animal rights from the waitress. AND the guy in the play was half naked!
Joe: WHAT? Which half?

Joe: You become a farmer?
Rick: No, Joe, I'm an actor dressed as a farmer... for an audition.
Joe: Sorry.

Callie: We had a great weekend. Did she tell you about the play?
Joe: Yeah. The actors were naked.
Natalie Scheffer: So were the ushers.
Callie: They were not!
Joe: Callie, Beauty and The Beast is in town. Whats matter with that?

Natalie Scheffer: [gets out of the car after Joe gets punched by Mark] LEAVE HIM ALONE, DIRTBAG!
Joe: Don't call anybody a dirtbag.
Natalie Scheffer: Daddy, are you okay? You're bleeding.
Joe: I'm good. I just tripped! I'm okay. Let's go...

Natalie Scheffer: Why do I have to spend weekends with them? Can't we just drive by every Saturday and wave?
Joe Scheffer: Your mom's a little eccentric. Think of her as an exotic flower.
Natalie Scheffer: And that made you what? Dirt?
Joe Scheffer: NAT, she's your mom.

Natalie Scheffer: HEY, that guy is an ass-wipe!
Natalie Scheffer: Sorry, I meant "ass-guy".

Joe: That's Mark McKinney! He's a seven-year employee. W-what's he doing in the ten-year lot?
Natalie Scheffer: Maybe he's gonna stand around for another three years.

Joe: We gotta get you back to school.
Natalie Scheffer: DAD, I really wanna talk about this!
Natalie Scheffer: You know that big jerk took it easy on you, right? What makes you think he won't kill you this time? HUH? DAD!
Joe: You made your point!
Natalie Scheffer: GOOD.

Natalie Scheffer: [watching Joe practice fighting] OH, my god.
[turns off radio]
Natalie Scheffer: WHAT ARE YOU, like 12? The guy's gonna hit you back. He's got ARMS!
Joe: What are you doing here? Don't you have school?
Natalie Scheffer: I needed to see you.

Joe Scheffer: I'm looking for Meg Harper, apartment 508.
Old Man: Oh, she's up on the roof.
Joe Scheffer: Are you sure?
Old Man: Son, I'm a 82-year-old man, and she's a 31 year old woman. Trust me. I know where she is.

Joe: [Looking in the mirror] What do you want?
Joe: *Now* what do you want?