Mr. Moseby
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Quotes for
Mr. Moseby (Character)
from "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody" (2005)

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"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Cookin' with Romeo and Juilet (#1.14)" (2005)
Mr. Moseby: [to Ilsa] I thought I smelled a rat, but it turned out to be a mole.
Ilsa: [confused]
[German accent]
Ilsa: What mole?
Mr. Moseby: Do you *own* a mirror?

[after being forbidden from seeing Todd]
Mr. Moseby: Hey, you really like this boy, don't you?
London: I would love him even if he were poor.
Mr. Moseby: Really?
London: [pauses to think about her answer] Yes.

Cody Martin: Mr. Moseby! Mr. Moseby! It's a hideous monster, and it's coming this way!
Mr. Moseby: Boys, I can assure you there are no such things as monsters.
Zack Martin: Oh, yeah? Look!
Ilsa: [enters lobby] I'm back.
[Zach, Cody, Mr. Moseby and Carey scream]
Carey: Quick, get behind me, boys and don't look her in the mol... the eye!
[Mr. Moseby tries to hide, but ends up facing Ilsa]
Ilsa: Mr. Moseby.
Mr. Moseby: Ms. Schiklegoobermeyger.
Ilsa: Actually, since you had me fired from the Tipton organization, I've gotten married.
Carey: You're kidding.
Ilsa: No. My married name is Ilsa Schiklegoobermeyger-Vanhelsingdekeppeloogerhoffer.
Carey: You're kidding.

London: Todd!
Todd St. Mark: London!
Ilsa: Todd!
Mr. Moseby: London!
Maddie: Maddie!

London: [about Todd] I'd love him even if he were poor.
Mr. Moseby: Really?
London: [beat] Yeah.

London: [London is walking down the staircase, looking at herself in the mirror, until she loses concentration and bumps into a tall, dark and handsome guy] Hey! Would you watch where you're going?
[he picks up her mirror and gazes into his eyes romantically]
Todd St. Mark: I am so sorry.
London: No, no, it was my fault.
Todd St. Mark: [looking at London's shiny white teeth] Forgive me for staring, but, your teeth!
[London smiles at him]
Todd St. Mark: They're like perfect little pearls!
London: Oh, thanks. You're kinda cute yourself... for a dentist.
Todd St. Mark: I wish! My dream is to attend the Zurich Dental Institute, and make the world safe from chronic periodontitis.
London: [smiles and gazes at him romantically, not paying attention to what he said] I don't know what you just said, but it sounds so...
London: medical!
Ilsa: [marching over to Moseby's front desk] Moseby! Yeah, I just wanted to see if the Japanese ambassador had checked in yet. Oh wait, he couldn't have! Because he's staying at the St. Mark!
Mr. Moseby: [gasps] That's impossible! He *always* stays here at the Tipton!
Ilsa: Well it seems he heard you were having a problem with cockerlockers. That's German for
[yelling out loud in front of guests]
[stamps foot trying to squash them]
Mr. Moseby: Well he must've heard *that* lie from the head cockerlocker herself!
Todd St. Mark: [sees Ilsa, gasps and hides] It's Ilsa!
London: You know her?
Todd St. Mark: Yeah, he runs my dad's hotel across the street. If he finds out I'm here, I'll be in *big* trouble!
London: *You're* Todd St. Mark? *I'm* London Tipton! My dad hates *your* dad!
Todd St. Mark: My dad hates *your* dad!
London: We have so much in common!
Ilsa: Todd!
[spots Todd hiding behind London]
Ilsa: Ooh, good hiding place. It was so hard to see you behind the 4-foot Cupie doll! You know your father doesn't approve of your dental dream. Or this *Tipton*! It is verboten! Come with me! Mach Schnell!
Todd St. Mark: But...
Ilsa: Dut, dut, dut!
[leading Todd to a military march]
Ilsa: Left, left,
[Todd looks at London]
Ilsa: Don't look back! Left, left, left!

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Lost in Translation (#2.23)" (2006)
Mr. Moseby: [shouting] How do you lose a woman?
Cody Martin: You forget to cherish her.

Zack Martin: [wearing a kimono] Nice tie.
Mr. Moseby: [looks at Zack's kimono] Nice dress.
Zack Martin: Touche.

[Carey and Kumiko are unable to find a song they both know how to sing]
Mr. Moseby: Ugh. Right now, I'd be happy if you sung "If You're Happy and You Know It".
Carey Martin, Kumiko Mori: I know that one!
[Mr. Moseby groans]

Mr. Moseby: Maddie, did you stock the sushi candy?
Maddie Fitzpatrick: And the seaweed cookies. Yum!
Zack Martin: What are we having, a convention of seals?
[he barks and claps like a seal; Maddie throws him a piece of candy]
Mr. Moseby: No, an important Japanese company is coming, and it would be swell if they came again next year. So I would like them to feel at home.
Cody Martin: How come you never want us to feel at home?
Mr. Moseby: You're kidding, right?

Mr. Moseby: [trying to escort Kumiko away from the twins] Okay, let me show you to your room.
Cody Martin: Wait! I want to practice my Japanese.
[says to Kumiko in Japanese:]
Cody Martin: My belly button grows watermelons.
Kumiko Mori: [to Moseby, uneasily] Don't send the fruit basket to my room.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Poor Little Rich Girl (#1.13)" (2005)
London: I love the sticky stuff mom puts in our sandwiches. What do you call it?
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Peanut Butter.
Mr. Moseby: [comes over] London, great news!
London: Me first. I like peanut butter.
Mr. Moseby: I think you'll like this even more.
[holds up a newspaper that say "Tipton Back On Top"]
Mr. Moseby: Tipton back on top!
London: On top of what?
Mr. Moseby: They struck oil in your father's diamond mine.
London: Well, that must have made a mess.
[Mr. Mosby moans]
Maddie Fitzpatrick: London, it means you're again.
London: Really? Yay,
[jumps up and down and then tosses the sandwich over her shoulder]
London: Goodbye peanut butter and hello lobster dipped in butter.
[runs off]
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Same old London.
Mr. Moseby: But on the upside,
[does a little dance]
Mr. Moseby: you've got your room back to yourself. You've got your room back to yourself.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: I suppose.
Mr. Moseby: Hey, you did a good thing.
[he leaves as London comes back]
London: Maddie, in all of the excitement, I forgot yopu and I made lunch plans.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Yeah, and then you got rich again.
London: Which is why I'm taking you to MAson Robert.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Really?
London: It's the least I can do. I mean you took me in when no one else would. You like me for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness...
Maddie Fitzpatrick: We're not married London.
London: But we are friends, right?
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Yeah.
London: [they start to leave but London stops Maddie] Then as a friend, can I tell you something?
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Yeah.
London: That sweater looks like a moldy lemon.
[Maddie gives a hurt look]
London: It's ok. We'll get a booth in the back.
[they leave]

[repeated line]
Zack Martin, London, Maddie, Cody Martin, Carey, Mr. Moseby: WHAT!

Mr. Moseby: You're father is incognito.
London: Where is cognito?
Mr. Moseby: In hiding.
London: Where is hiding?

Mr. Moseby: For now, your father must remain 'incognito.'
London: Where is 'Cognito?'
Mr. Moseby: It means he's in hiding.
London: Where is 'Hiding?'

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Forever Plaid (#2.6)" (2006)
London: [pulls Maddie up to show Moseby the school uniform] You mean I have to wear plaid three times a week?
Mr. Moseby: School is five days a week.
Mr. Moseby: [both London and Maddie burst into tears] Glad to see your bonding.

[after damaging a wall]
Cody Martin: Oh, no. What's Mr. Moseby going to say?
Mr. Moseby: Well, I don't know. Let's ask him.

Mr. Moseby: Oh, Pish Posh you people were peeping!

Mr. Moseby: London, I have a message from your father. He is outraged your poor attendance record at school.
London: How'd he find out?
Mr. Moseby: He went to your school open house, and they've never heard of you.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Cody Goes to Camp (#1.10)" (2005)
Carey: [frantic] Mr. Moseby, Zach just left for the math camp.
Mr. Moseby: Perfect, it's like falling in love twice!
Carey: But it's worse than that. London's driving.
Mr. Moseby: Oh, no.
Carey: So how do we find them?
Mr. Moseby: Simple. Look for the only car on the highway going in reverse.

Carey: Esteban, have you seen Zack?
Esteban: Zack? Zack who?
Carey: Esteban, do you like nature films?
Esteban: Oh, I love nature films.
Carey: Did you ever seen the one in how the mother bear cares for her cubs?
Esteban: London's driving him and Maddie to math camp. Please don't eat me!
Carey: Moseby, Zack's gone to math camp.
Mr. Moseby: Good. Now they're both gone. It's like falling in love twice.
Carey: But it's worse than that. London's driving.
Mr. Moseby: Oh, no!
Carey: Oh, yes!
Mr. Moseby: We'll find the only car on the highway going in reverse.

Mr. Moseby: Now, are you familiar with the gear shift?
London: You mean... the prindle?
Mr. Moseby: The what?
London: The PRINDLE!
Mr. Moseby: Are you referring to the shift lever that says P-R-N-D-L?
London: I'm not a child, Moseby, I know how to spell prindle.
Mr. Moseby: It is not something you spell. It is a gear shift. The letters stand for: PARK, REVERSE, NEUTRAL, DRIVE and LOW!
London: You're making me nervous with all this... technical talk!
Mr. Moseby: Oh! I'm sorry. Why don't we just *relax* and turn on the *radio*? Would you like AHM OR FIM?

Mr. Moseby: [Teaching London how to drive] Okay, lets start with the gearshift.
London: You mean the PRNDL?

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Crushed (#1.24)" (2006)
Mr. Moseby: Please don't tell me you've lost your dog in my hotel.
Maddie: No! We're just playing hide and seek... and he's winning!
Esteban: Oh, he's very good. Marco!
[puts his hand over his mouth]
Esteban: Puayo!
Mr. Moseby: First of all, that's not hide and seek. Secondly, you don't answer yourself, and thirdly it's "Polo!" Find that dog, and remove him from the premises, or I will remove both of you permanently!
[Moseby walks away, Maddie approaches Esteban]
Maddie: PUAYO?

[Maddie got caught sneaking her dog into work]
Mr. Moseby: Now Madeline, we have strict rules about dogs in this hotel.
Maddie: But, Ivana gets to stay in the hotel with London.
Mr. Moseby: She's a Tipton.
Maddie: But my house is being fumigated and Scamp has nowhere to go.
[baby talk]
Maddie: Please? Wook at his wittle face.
[Maddie, Scamp, and Esteban give him puppy dog pouts]
Mr. Moseby: Very well, but I don't want my rug soiled. That goes for all of you.

[last lines]
Mr. Moseby: What part of 'no dogs in the lobby' don't you understand? Now, whoever's father doesn't own this hotel is fired.
[Maddie hands him a puppy]
Mr. Moseby: Aww, wook at the wittle faces.

Mr. Moseby: Mr Ambassador, I'm sure you'll love everything in our Imperial suite. It has four bathrooms, three bedrooms and
[shocked after seeing Scamp and Ivana]
Mr. Moseby: two dogs making kissy-face on the couch?
Scamp Fitzpatrick: Hey, do we walk in on you when we... OK, we do.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Big Hair & Baseball (#1.16)" (2005)
[Mr. Moseby is at a Red Sox vs. Yankees game with Zach and Cody]
Mr. Moseby: Stealing a base, while "theatrical," is statistically inadvisable!
Fan: I'll tell you what's inadvisable. Shooting off your mouth when you don't know diddly!
Mr. Moseby: Well, I'm sure that this Diddly is a fine fellow!

Mr. Moseby: Ho many times have I told you not to disturb the guests?
Cody Martin: 2708
Zack Martin: But it never gets old...

Cody Martin: Hey mom! e got 3 tickets so you can take us to the game tomorro!
Zack Martin: Won't that be fun?
Mr. Moseby: [scene change] Not fun!

Carey Martin: The more you connect with them the less your stuff they'll break.
Mr. Moseby: You really expect me to believe that?
Carey Martin: No... Mr. Moesby, please, please, please, please, please! I never get a day to myself and the boys love you.
Mr. Moseby: They love me?
Carey Martin: No, but they might if you took them to a baseball game.
Guest #1: Well, I can't believe that hotel guy won't take his own kids to a baseball game.
Mr. Moseby: They're not my...
Guest #2: That's just not right.
Mr. Moseby: But I hate baseball.
Guest #1: Now that's just un-American.
Guest #2: Can you believe this guy? I guess you hate apple pie too, huh, fella? And puppies. And your own mama.
Mr. Moseby: Sir...
Mr. Moseby: I love my mama!
[to Carey]
Mr. Moseby: I'd love to take the boys to the game. What time is kick-off?

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: A Tale of Two Houses (#3.15)" (2007)
London Tipton: We can be BFFWLSAGSAL!
Mr. Moseby, Esteban: What?
London Tipton: "Best Friends Forever Who Love Spending and Go Shopping A Lot".

Mr. Moseby: You must have some money saved.
Esteban: Yes, I do. I saved about a million pestabas.
Mr. Moseby: Well, that's good.
Esteban: Except for in this country, it comes to about $1.40.

Esteban: Oh, Mr. Moseby, I should've listened to you instead of Miss Spend-Now-Save-Never!
Mr. Moseby: It's OK, Esteban. It's times like these that a man shows his true character.
Esteban: You're right. I must show that I'm strong and I'm in control.
Esteban: Oh, I want that money!

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Doin' Time in Suite 2330 (#3.20)" (2008)
Mr. Moseby: [after hearing Carey grounding Zack and Cody] Might I suggest 20 years on an island with boy-eating birds?
Carey Martin: You might. Odd, but you might.

Mr. Moseby: I don't know what hurt more - this little bride that jabbed me in the kidneys or the real one that kicked me in the shins!

Mr. Moseby: I have often said that you that you are a terrible mother.
Carey Martin: You have?
Mr. Moseby: [pause] Maybe to other people.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: The Fairest of Them All (#1.2)" (2005)
Brianna's Mom: Marianne, I'm not paying for this movie. I didn't like it.
Mr. Moseby: Of course, ma'am, I know what it's like to look at something utterly repulsive.

Carey: What's going on here?
Mr. Moseby: Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Your boys are attempting to destroy my hotel, but with a new twist. One of them's wearing a dress.

Brianna's Mom: You know Marrianne, these rose-colored candies are horrible.
[taking soap out of her mouth]
Mr. Moseby: That's soap madame.
Brianna's Mom: Well, then they're pretty dang good.
[popping the soap back in her mouth]

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: What the Hey! (#2.21)" (2006)
Mr. Moseby: Oh, dear, did I just hear you say there's another new Mrs. Tipton?
London Tipton: Ah uh.
Mr. Moseby: I wish I would've known. I would have bought them an extravagant gift, although the warranties on my last two gifts lasted longer than the marriages.
London Tipton: I don't get him anything, he gets me a "Sorry I got married again without telling you" charm for my bracelet. Look, I got five of them now, they're all solid gold.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Oooh, can I try it on?
[London puts the bracelet on Maddie]
Maddie Fitzpatrick: It's kinda heavy.
[Maddie falls over with the weight of the bracelet]

Brandi: London, it's so nice to meet you. Your father's told me all about you.
[hugs London]
London Tipton: Moseby, why is this stranger hugging me?
Mr. Moseby: She's your stepmother.
London Tipton: Moseby, why is my stepmother hugging me?
Brandi: Because I love you, silly.
London Tipton: You just met me.
Brandi: I know, but I already love you. You're my daughter, and you're perfect in every way.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Wait until you get to know her.

Mr. Moseby: That may be, London, but at least she's doing something that the other three haven't.
London Tipton: What?
Mr. Moseby: She's trying. Remember how #3 just called you, "that kid?"
London Tipton: Oh, I remember her, "that woman."

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Birdman of Boston (#2.28)" (2006)
Patrick: Mr. Moseby. Joining us for dinner? Might I suggest the duck a la splat?
[Patrick and Maddie laugh]
Mr. Moseby: Oh, you heard, huh?
Patrick: Or the chicken bomb bay?
[Maddie and Patrick laugh again, Moseby scowls at them]
Patrick: A little bird told me.
[Maddie and Patrick laugh yet again]
Mr. Moseby: Mmm-hmm. That's very funny, Patrick. Keep it up, and the next restaurant you work at, you'll be wearing a paper hat.
Patrick: Okay, okay, I'm done. That last one was pretty cheap.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Cheep-cheep.

Maddie Fitzpatrick: [Mr. Moseby wants the hawk to be taken to the zoo to get it away from the hotel] I know Cody. And he'll never put his baby in a cage!
Mr. Moseby: Oh! Well, maybe the zoo will also take the twins! Oh, happy day!

Maddie Fitzpatrick: And that's why it should be able to fly free!
Mr. Moseby: [the hawk splats on his shoulder once more] And that's why I'm running out of suits...

"The Suite Life on Deck: Mom and Dad on Deck (#1.16)" (2009)
Carey Martin: Mr Moseby, it's so good to see you.
Mr. Moseby: And here's your bill.
Carey Martin: I haven't even checked in yet.
Mr. Moseby: It's for everything the boys have broken since they've been on board.

London Tipton: Moseby, it's your birthday? You have a birthday? Since when?
Mr. Moseby: Pretty much since the day I was born, hence the term 'birthday'.
London Tipton: Oh, I never put that together.

London Tipton: [to Mr. Moseby] So, how old are you?
Mr. Moseby: Age is but a number.
London Tipton: I have a feeling I can't count that high.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Footloser (#1.7)" (2005)
Mr. Moseby: Esteban I need you.
Esteban: When I am good and ready!
Mr. Moseby: What did you say?
Esteban: Now I am good and ready!

Mr. Moseby: [the twins and Max are playing basketball in the lobby] No B-Ball today. Game has been cancelled on account of "This-is-a-hotel".

Mr. Moseby: [see Maddie's massaging London] What's going on with them?
Esteban: Well, I do not think I just talk about Maddie personal business with her employer, sir.
Mr. Moseby: Don't tell me.
[puts doll on the counter]
Mr. Moseby: Tell the dummy
Esteban: [talk to the dummy] Can you keep a secret?
Mr. Moseby: [as the dummy] My lips are sealed.
Esteban: Good.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Hotel Inspector (#1.4)" (2005)
Esteban: Mr. Moseby, a fax has arrived from Tipton headquarters. They are coming for a surprise inspection!
Mr. Moseby: How can it be a surprise inspection if they're telling us now?
Esteban: Because they sent the fax two weeks ago and I forgot to give it to you. Surprise!

Zack Martin: So is the evil hotel inspector gone yet?
Ilsa: No, she is right here.
Zack Martin: Whoa! What's that on your face?
[Carey covers his mouth]
Mr. Moseby: It's a beauty mark!
Cody Martin: But it has a hair on it!
[Carey covers his mouth]
Carey: It's good I don't have triplets! I would run out of hands!

Mr. Moseby: [hearing the Tipton is in trouble] I'm coming, Mama!

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Day Care (#2.3)" (2006)
London: Moseby, I'm not going to let you stop. Like you didn't let me stop when you were teaching me the Alphabet.
Mr. Moseby: But that took 14 years!
London: And now I know my ABD's.

Mr. Moseby: [takes a soda can from Cody] You can't touch that man's can, and why are you dragging that bag through my lobby?
[Cody puts the garbage bag down and it breaks]
Mr. Moseby: Oh, what else could go wrong today?
[a woman falls on the garbage]
Mr. Moseby: Well, that answers that.

Zack Martin: Mr. Moseby, you just don't know what it's like to deal with kids.
Cody Martin: They don't listen to you, they have no respect for authority, they run all over the lobby like maniacs...
Mr. Moseby: Welcome to my world.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Going for the Gold (#2.16)" (2006)
London: Hey, Maddie? Why don't you come work for me here? You know, and do all of that business stuff for me?
Maddie: Sorry, I already have a job.
Mr. Moseby: Which you're not doing right now.
Maddie: [starts to walk away]
London: I'll pay you double!
Maddie: [turns back to London] And now I have a new job!
[turns to Mr. Moseby]
Maddie: Sorry, Mr. Moseby. I'm moving on to bigger and better things. Bet you're gonna regret giving me that raise now.
Mr. Moseby: Oh, no! Where am I going to find another teenager looking for employment at a five-star hotel? I know! I'll just yell out the door.

Mr. Moseby: London, how's the store coming along?
London: Great! I'm going to put the purses over here, and matching belts over there!
Mr. Moseby: Ah! Do you have a business plan?
London: Weren't you listening? I said I'm going to put the purses over here, and matching belts over there!
Maddie: No, no, no. You see, he means financial plannings. You know, taking stock, inventory...?
London: [adopts annoyed expression] Like I said. I'm going to put purses over here, and matching belts over there!

Mr. Moseby: [about Irv] What a hot dog!
Carey Martin: Well, you are what you eat.
Mr. Moseby: Ooh.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Odd Couples (#2.1)" (2006)
London: [running into the lobby] Moseby! Which of the following phrases sounds the most smarticle?
Mr. Moseby: The one that doesn't use the word "smarticle".
[London tears off pages]
Maddie: London, I found something that will make you seem smart.
Mr. Moseby: Smarticle!
Maddie: Here have a chip.
[hands the chip to London]
London: Ooh, I love chocolate!
[sticks it in her mouth]
London: Ugh, this tastes terrible!
[spits it out and hands it to Maddie]
Maddie: It's not a chocolate chip, it's a computer chip!
London: Eew!
[spits it out and hands it to Maddie]
Maddie: Actually, It's a tiny, very damp...
[shakes off spit]
Maddie: ...hearing device. You put it in your ear and I can talk to you without Trevor even knowing.
Mr. Moseby: Or you can just tell the boy the truth and see if he likes you for who you are.
Mr. Moseby: [London and Maddie stare at him] Good luck with the chip!

London: [Reading the board] What is a "scho-lar"?
Maddie: Well, It is someone who sould read the sign.
Mr. Moseby: [to London] And it is someone who can pronounce the word "scholar".

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Ah, Wilderness (#2.27)" (2006)
Warren: My maple leaf, actually smells like maple.
Bob: I don't understand why my oak leaf doesn't smell like oak.
Mr. Moseby: That's because it's poison oak.
Bob: [quickly drops his leaf] That must explain the itching.
Mr. Moseby: That's okay I've got some ointment for that, it is critical that you don't...
Bob: [grabbing Moesby's arm] What!
Mr. Moseby: ...touch anyone.

Mr. Moseby: Cody, didn't I tell you to tie the food bag up with a rope?
Cody Martin: Yes, but as a ranking koala bear, I decided to delegate, so I asked Bob to do it.
Bob: And I asked Warren to do it.
Warren: And I forgot to do it!

"The Suite Life on Deck: The Suite Life Sets Sail (#1.1)" (2008)
Carey Martin: [on sending the twins to Seven Seas High] It was a great opportunity and I could afford it with my employee discount. How could I say no?
Mr. Moseby: Like this: No!
[Mr. Moseby runs to the edge of the ship and jumps off into the ocean]
Carey Martin: He took that better than I thought.

London Tipton: Moseby, enough of your problems. I'm on vacation. Yay, me!
Mr. Moseby: Well, actually, "Yay, you" is on the ship to attend Seven Seas High School. While it may be on a cruise ship, London, this is not a vacation. Your daddy put you on this boat so that you can't jet off to Paris for lunch and miss your afternoon classes.
London Tipton: I had afternoon classes? What's next: classes in the morning?

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Scary Movie (#2.26)" (2006)
Carey Martin: [finding Zack in the lobby, still sleepwalking] Zack, wake up.
Mr. Moseby: You can't wake him up. I have tried everything.
Carey Martin: Zack, I'm making chocolate chip pancakes.
Zack Martin: Cool, I'll have twelve.
[he looks around]
Zack Martin: Hey, where am I? What am I doing in the lobby in my pajamas?
[he looks at Cody wrapped up in bubble wrap]
Zack Martin: Although, as silly outfits go, I come in second.
Carey Martin: You were sleepwalking, trying to protect yourself from zombie moms.
Zack Martin: Well, that's strange, because we didn't go to see that scary movie, did we, Cody?
Cody Martin: It was Zack's idea!
Zack Martin: Thanks, man.

Mr. Moseby: [when he catches Zack moving the lobby furniture] A-HA! I caught you red-handed! OK mister, let's have a litle talk about this, shall we? Yes! You're the one who's putting all the furniture...
[Zack continues]
Mr. Moseby: Where are you going? Whoa, whoa... Listen up. I want you to listen to me young man. I don't want you putting any more furniture... What are you doing? Where were you when I moved out of my parents' place?
Mr. Moseby: [while Zack is sleepwalking] Now Zack, stop it!
Zack Martin: [in a monotone] Yes, stop zombies.
Mr. Moseby: No, stop re-decorating!

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Miniature Golf (#2.33)" (2007)
Mr. Moseby: Thought your shift was over, Madeline?
Maddie Fitzpatrick: It is, but I thought I'd stay and, uh, do a little inventory.
Mr. Moseby: Couldn't resist listening in on London's book club, could you?
Maddie Fitzpatrick: I can't help it! It's just too bizarre!
Chelsea: [to the girls in the book club] Okay, everyone, let's get the discussion started.
London Tipton: It's about time.
[Opens her book]
London Tipton: Can we talk about Paris?
[Closes her book]
London Tipton: Did you guys see that hideous pink dress she wore to the Gala last night? It looked like she threw up a flamingo!
Maddie Fitzpatrick: They're not even discussing the book!
Mr. Moseby: And you're surprised because?

London Tipton: Girls, let's turn to real issues... what do you think of my hair?
Maddie Fitzpatrick: I'm horrified!
Mr. Moseby: I think her hair looks nice. It's shiny.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Did any of you even read the book?
Tiffany: Well, my butler was reading it to me, but my cell phone rang. It was Bradley Wiggins!
Chelsea: Oooh, he's cute!
Tiffany: I know! And he said he's thinking of dumping Allison for me!

"The Suite Life on Deck: Parrot Island (#1.2)" (2008)
Bailey Pickett: Look how lush and beautiful this island used to be.
London Tipton: And now it's a dump, so let's get out of here!
Bailey Pickett: It's a dump because your father ruined it, and he should fix it.
Cody Martin: She's right. It's that kind of corporate greed that's destroying the environment.
London Tipton: Wow, I mean, this place really did used to be beautiful.
Mr. Moseby: Yes, and we can all be sad about it on the boat! Come on!
London Tipton: And now that it's not beautiful, Daddy doesn't care anymore... kind of like with his first four wives.

London Tipton: What part of "rescuring" don't you understand?
Mr. Moseby: All of it! It's either "rescuer" or "rescuing."
London Tipton: Well, you're not good at either-er.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Twins at the Tipton (#2.11)" (2006)
[Moseby trips, knocking over a felt sign in the lobby and lands on some of the letters]
Mr. Moseby: Ohh, I landed on my "A."

London: Moseby, I'm seeing double!
Mr. Moseby: We're having a twin convention. Like Zack and Cody.
London: Zack and Cody are twins? Since when?
Mr. Moseby: Oh, about six months ago.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Nurse Zack (#2.29)" (2006)
Mr. Moseby: Fixed what?
[suddenly there is a loud crash]
Arwin: ... Except that!

Mr. Moseby: Good luck with that.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Commercial Breaks (#1.25)" (2006)
London: Come and stay at the...
Mr. Moseby: It's your name!
London: Oh! Come and stay at the London!
Mr. Moseby: Your last name!

Esteban: Welcome to the Tipton!
Maddie Fitzpatrick: Where everything is sweet!
Patrick: Try joining us for dinner, may we offer you a seat?
Mr. Moseby: [singing] Next time stay at the Tipton/The Tipton puts you on top/When you stay at the Tipton/The good times, they never stop
Esteban, Maddie Fitzpatrick, Patrick, Carey Martin, Arwin, Mr. Moseby: [singing] Because you're the star when you travel far/The food is always gourmet/At the Tipton, at the Tipton/At the Tipton, it's your place to stay!
Mr. Moseby: Check in!

"The Suite Life on Deck: seaHarmony (#1.11)" (2008)
Zack Martin: Hey Marion. Speaking of Marion, don't you ever want to get married and have kids?
Mr. Moseby: Agh. Why on earth would I want to do that? Besides, I'm married to the ship.
Zack Martin: Lemme guess. She was a cute little sailboat when you met. But as soon as you got married, she blew up big.
[makes ship sounds]
Zack Martin: I'm sure you two will be very happy together.
Mr. Moseby: Are you naturally annoying or do you have to work at it?
Zack Martin: Hey, why don't you fill out this singles' cruise questionairre?
Mr. Moseby: Hey, why don't I not?
Zack Martin: I'm just trying to help you find a little happiness.
Mr. Moseby: Then leave.

Zack Martin: Here's an easy question. What's your favourite food?
Mr. Moseby: Oo in the summer it's a lovely fruit salad with a delicate pomegranate dressing. However in the winter I prefer something hot do you know, like a steaming casserole.
Zack Martin: A-actually, that doesn't fit in the box. And frankly, I just can't spell it.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Orchestra (#3.14)" (2007)
Mr. Moseby: London, I think you should call your father and tell him that the hotel business is not for you.
London Tipton: But it is for me. It's in my blood. I'm a Tipton.
Mr. Moseby: And you do what Tiptons do best.
London Tipton: Cut down rainforests to put up resorts?
Mr. Moseby: No.
London Tipton: Finance takeovers in foreign countries to secure mining rights?
Mr. Moseby: No, I meant do nothing. No one does nothing and orders people around better than you do.

London Tipton: Well, I did it! I've done all the jobs in the hotel, and now I'm ready to do yours.
Mr. Moseby: Mine? London, you can't...
[London pulls Mr. Moseby out of his chair and sits in it]
London Tipton: Who do I yell at first?
Mr. Moseby: My job isn't yelling at people.
London Tipton: So you just do it for fun?
Mr. Moseby: [yells] NO!

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: French 101 (#2.2)" (2006)
Zack Martin: Hey, hot babe.
Jolie: Je ne comprende pas, je suis désolé.
Zack Martin: Oh, that's a cool name. Désolé!
Mr. Moseby: No, Zack, "désolé" means "sorry". She can't understand you. And her name is Jolie.
Zack Martin: Oh, okay.

Jolie: [in French] Papa, Cody m'a demander de sortir avec lui demain soir. P'ui j'aller?
[Daddy, Cody asked me out for a date with him tomorrow night. Can I go? ]
Maurice Fruggard: A date? You will need a chaperone!
Mr. Moseby: I completely agree.
Maurice Fruggard: Good. So you'll do it!
Mr. Moseby: Say what?
Maurice Fruggard: Say yes, or we're checking out.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Rumors (#1.15)" (2005)
London: I want him locked up in the Tipton dungeon!
Mr. Moseby: We don't have a dungeon. But I can have him fired.
London: Out of a cannon?

Mr. Moseby: I know it was one of you and since I don't know which one, the game room is off limits to the both of you. It feels good to be the manager.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Grounded on the 23rd Floor (#1.5)" (2005)
Mr. Moseby: I understand how it is; children can sometimes be a burden!
Carey: Aww, you have kids?
Mr. Moseby: Nope, and after seeing yours, not gonna happen!

Carey Martin: What brings you up so early?
Mr. Moseby: Couldn't sleep.
[looks at Zack and Cody]
Mr. Moseby: Nightmares!

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Boston Tea Party (#2.17)" (2006)
Mr. Moseby: Maddie we need to raise the prices
Maddie: These prices are so high I won't even be able to get afford a used horse
[in a girly voice]
Maddie: And I'm like getting my license like this year
Mr. Moseby: [looks at Esteban confused]
Esteban: She's a valley forge girl.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Health & Fitness (#2.34)" (2007)
Maddie Fitzpatrick: [Talking about needle] Mr. Moseby's afraid.
Mr. Moseby: Oh, pish posh! I'd laugh at that needle! Ha!
Zack Martin: Well here's your chance. It's right there.
[Mr. Moseby turns around, sees needle, then faints]

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: The Arwin That Came to Dinner (#3.8)" (2007)
London Tipton: Mr. Moseby, Lance just dumped me. Throw him into the Tipton dungeon!
Mr. Moseby: London, for the last time, we don't have a dungeon.
London Tipton: Oh, really? Then what's that room at the bottom of the hotel?
Mr. Moseby: That's the basement.
London Tipton: Well, if that's so, then why do we have a fire-breathing dragon?
Mr. Moseby: That's the furnace!

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Maddie Checks In (#1.3)" (2005)
Zack Martin: Do they have a hall of fame for this stuff?
Mr. Moseby: Yes, it's called prison.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Boston Holiday (#1.26)" (2006)
Carey: Zack?
Zack Martin: Mom!
Mr. Babalabaloo: Prince Sanjei!
Prince Sanjei: Mr. Babalabaloo!
Delilah: Carey?
Carey: Delilah?
Mr. Moseby: You two know each other?
Carey: From my book club.
Delilah: So, these are your twins.
Carey: Unfortunately, yes.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Summer of Our Discontent (#3.2)" (2007)
Mr. Moseby: Millicent, how are the candy sales this morning?
Millicent: Sales? I'm supposed to charge people for candy?
Mr. Moseby: Yes, that would explain the cash register.
Millicent: Oops! I thought it was an ATM! I guess this cash belongs to you.
[gives Mr. Moseby money]

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Pilot Your Own Life (#1.23)" (2006)
Cody Martin: Aw, come on Mr. Moseby they're just trying to do what I said and 'Pilot there own Life'
Mr. Moseby: You!

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Lip Synchin' in the Rain (#3.9)" (2007)
Mr. Moseby: What was that terrible noise?
London Tipton: I was singing
Mr. Moseby: Not that noise. The other noise with someone else is making that drowned up your wonderful singing
Carey Martin: Nice save.
Mr. Moseby: London, Shall we get this dance lesson started? I want to get your moneys worth.
Carey Martin: How much is she paying you?
Mr. Moseby: 3 diamonds an hour
Carey Martin: I am only getting two. I got robbed.
London Tipton: Hey are we going to dance or what?
Mr. Moseby: Yes. Yes. Now a good dancer dances from his soul. Step, step, kick, and shimmy shimmy shimmy, one two boogie and shortie short shortie short, fish tale fish tale, and crazy legs crazy legs, just square just square and big finish.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Christmas at the Tipton (#1.21)" (2005)
Joe: Who is helping my wife give birth?
Mr. Moseby: Oh, just a couple of twelve year old boys.
Carey Martin: But don't worry one of them is really smart.
Kurt: Yeah, and the other one watches alot of medical shows.

"The Suite Life on Deck: Broke N Yo-Yo (#1.3)" (2008)
Mr. Moseby: "-Boys,boys,boys... Maybe there is a lesson in all this. Maybe in the future you two become more responsible.I cant even say it with a straight face."
Mr. Moseby: [laughter]

"The Suite Life on Deck: The Kidney of the Sea (#1.4)" (2008)
[Zack seems to be drowning, a la Jack Dawson]
Zack Martin: Never let go. Never let go.
Mr. Moseby: It's a hot tub! Just stand up!

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: The Suite Smell of Excess (#2.15)" (2006)
Mr. Moseby: Where are you boys going?
Cody Martin: Well, I'm thinking about going to Harvard, and Zack's going to San Quentin.
Zack Martin: On an athletic scholarship!

"The Suite Life on Deck: The Ghost and Mr. Martin (#3.11)" (2010)
Mr. Moseby: [to London] If you had a five-o-clock shadow and a fishing pole in your hand, you could be my father.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Bowling (#2.13)" (2006)
[repeated line]
Zack Martin, Cody Martin, Carey, Mr. Moseby, London, Maddie: WHAT!

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Ask Zack (#2.19)" (2006)
Mr. Moseby: First relax your muscles from your head to your toes.
[London shakes her body]
Mr. Moseby: Then count backwards from 100.
London: Okay, 100...
Mr. Moseby: [Groans] 99...
London: You do it Moseby, your better at the alphabet.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: The Ghost in Suite 613 (#1.19)" (2005)
Female Customer: This hotel has a ghost?
Mr. Moseby: Of course not.
[to Zack & Cody]
Mr. Moseby: Now tell the nice lady you were just *pretending!*
Cody Martin: Yeah. There's no ghost.
Female Customer: Oh, that's too bad. Because a lot of people would pay extra to stay in a haunted room.
Mr. Moseby: Oh, you mean no ghost in the hallway. However, the room is lousy with them. The rest of the hotel is haunted by *these two.*

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Graduation (#3.1)" (2007)
Zack Martin: I don't deserve this.
Carey Martin: Sure you do, honey. We are all so proud of you.
Zack Martin: But...
Kurt: Yeah pal, you made us so proud.
Zack Martin: No, I didn't! Cause I didn't graduate!
[everyone gasps]
Mr. Moseby: [sarcastic tone] There's a shock.

"The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: Moseby's Big Brother (#2.8)" (2006)
Spencer Moseby: [Spencer is apologising to Moseby for his behaviour] Oh, since I'm apologising; I'm sorry I shaved "dork" in your hair when you were five.
Mr. Moseby: [shocked] You said that was the hair gremlin!
Spencer Moseby: I lied.
Mr. Moseby: WHAT?
[circling his brother]
Mr. Moseby: People called me "dork hair" for years! Including Mom!
Spencer Moseby: Don't be mad because Mom liked me best!
Mr. Moseby: Ohhhhhh, she did not! You know the reason why she treated you better!
Spencer Moseby: Don't go there...
Mr. Moseby: Oh yeah!
Spencer Moseby: Don't *go* there!
Mr. Moseby: Oh yeah! Because you were LACTOSE INTOLERANT!
Spencer Moseby: Ooooooooohhhhhhh! You *went* there!
Mr. Moseby: [laughs and taunts him childishly] Who's afraid of cheese? Who's afraid of cheese?
[Spencer and Moseby start fighting]