Gerald 'Gerry' Garner
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Quotes for
Gerald 'Gerry' Garner (Character)
from Heavy Weights (1995)

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Heavy Weights (1995)
Roy: Funny Josh. But really man, what happened? Talk to us.
Josh: [half-unaware] Josh was bad.
Roy: Oh man. Oh jeez.
Josh: [half-unaware] Josh now good.
Gerry: Good? Wha... what do you mean?
Josh: Must be...
[finally showing his normal awareness]
Josh: good to see my big ass again!

Gerry: Don't tell anyone, but I uh... snuck in some oreos. Just in case.
Josh: That was very sneaky of you, Gerry. Chipmunks! Download! Now!

Gerry: [writing a letter] Dear Grandma... someone once said, "War is hell." They've never been to fat camp. I knew the food would be bad...
[shows a revolting-looking lunch being passed out]
Gerry: ... but even worse...
[shows Lars stabbing the Blob with a spear]
Gerry: ... today he killed the Blob.
Gerry: [goes to the go-kart track, closed and with people putting the karts in a pile] As for the go-karts, well... may they rest in pieces. I'm writing you because nobody else seemed to care.
Maury Garner: [on the phone] I did not send you to 'go-kart' camp!
Tony Perkis: [on the PA] Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...
Gerry: Tony Perkis tries to lead by example...
Tony Perkis: [shows Tony on a bed of nails, and two guys placing an ice block on his stomach] This is the 18th level of the PerkiSystem. You'll all be doing this by Labor Day! All right, do it to it, Lars!
Lars: [standing by with a large hammer at the block] It's my honor, Tony.
[Lars breaks the ice block while the campers freak out. Tony is unharmed]
Gerry: ...but we're afraid to follow.
Tony Perkis: [nighttime, the campers are around a large fire along with Tony] I know each and every one of you - because I WAS you!
Gerry: Once a day, the kids from Camp MVP, drive by and make fun of us.
MVP camper: [shows the MVP counselor and two campers driving by in a motor boat]
[Into a megaphone]
MVP camper: You STINK! You STINK! You STINK! You STINK! HA ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[Gerry and Roy are ducked down in the water]
Gerry: At night...
[shows some more MVP campers at the dock carrying cans of paint]
Gerry: ... they vandalize our camp.
[Pat is scrubbing it all off]
Gerry: [looks at Josh's empty bed and continues] At least Josh got out... where there's food. We have to resort... to more desperate measures.
[Shows the campers chasing cows and shouting]
Gerry: Tony's arranged a dance with the girls' camp... so he can humiliate us into losing weight. Pray for me, Grandma. Love, Gerry.

Gerry: It's a fat camp! Are you crazy? No way! I'm not going to camp with a bunch of fat loads!
Mrs. Garner: Gerry!
Roger Johnson: Now that's not kind, Gerry.
Maury Garner: We're doing this for your own good. We gatta nip this thing in the bud.
Gerry: I'm fine. This is a joke right? You're fatter than I am why don't you go to fat camp.
Mrs. Garner: You show your father some respect.
Maury Garner: First I think we should have a little pow-wow, and then we will call you with our decision.
Gerry: I'll give you my decision right now. I'm not going.
[Cut to a jetliner taking off]

Gerry: Who's this?
Roger Johnson: Hi, Gerry. "Roger Johnson." Islander's fan, huh? Team of the future, I'd say.
Gerry: Uh, yeah. Whatever, I'm out of here.
Maury Garner: Hold those horses, cowboy. Mr. Johnson is your guest, and he's here to talk to you about a very special summer camp.
Roger Johnson: A camp designed just for you, Gerry.
Gerry: Summer Camp? No way. I have plans for the summer. I'm gonna hang out!
Mrs. Garner: Come on, Honey. He's got a videotape for us to watch. Why don't we just take a little peek?
Gerry: Why don't we not?

Tony Perkis: [first time seen] Can you smell it? There's a life force in here tonight. Do you feel it? Hmm? I look around this room, and I see potential.
[to Gerry]
Tony Perkis: I see the future chairman of a Fortune 500 company.
[to Roy]
Tony Perkis: I see a famous rap artist.
[to Nicholas]
Tony Perkis: I see the president of the United States of America.
Gerry: He's from England!

Roy: Headed to fat camp?
Gerry: No... Why do you say that?
Roy: 'Cause your fat... 'That your dad?
Gerry: No... W-why do you say that?
Roy: 'Cause he's fat too!
Gerry: Well, so are you.
Roy: I know, that's why I'm going to fat camp. I'm Roy.
Gerry: I'm Gerry. Yeah I guess I am going to fat camp.
Roy: I knew it! And that's your dad too, right?
Gerry: Hell no!
Roy: Well you're gonna love camp, man, camp is awesome. Plus, nobody picks on you because YOUR not the fat kid, EVERYBODY'S the fat kid. Just stick with me, Gerry, because I'm the man!

Gerry: [to Pat about Tony] Let's go get everybody and kick his ass!

Nicholas: [Passes Gas directly into Gerry's Face] Oh, my. I didn't mean to.
Gerry: Just go!