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Dr. Spencer Reid (Character)
from "Criminal Minds" (2005)

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"Criminal Minds: Derailed (#1.9)" (2005)

Dr. Spencer Reid: Albert Einstein asked, "A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or are the others crazy?"

Dr. Spencer Reid: Tardive dyskinesia.
Derek Morgan: Once more for those of us who don't have an encyclopedic memory?

Derek Morgan: Come on, Reid, what are you talking about, a magic trick?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah I'm talkin' about a magic trick.

Derek Morgan: And remember, play into the guy's fantasy, believe it yourself.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, did you know that dentists and surgeons have been secretly recruited to implant these during otherwise normal medical procedures? This has been happening on and off since the late 1930s.
[Morgan looks at him]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Told me to believe.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Could you guys do me a favor?
Derek Morgan: Anything.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Could at least one of you look like you're going to see me again?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: See you when you get back.

[to Elle]
Jason Gideon: You're all right?
Elle Greenaway: Yeah, I'm fine, Dad.
Jason Gideon: Elle?
Elle Greenaway: Yeah?
Jason Gideon: Don't ever call me "Dad" again.
[he walks away]
Elle Greenaway: How do you think he'd feel about Mom?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Let me know when you're going to do that so I can, uh, run.

Elle Greenaway: Um, Reid, you probably saved my life in there.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Probably? I totally saved your life.
[he smiles]
Dr. Spencer Reid: And I'm pretty certain it was caught on tape.

"Criminal Minds: Plain Sight (#1.4)" (2005)

Jason Gideon: You havin' fun?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [dully] Yes. Definitely. I'm definitely having fun.
Jason Gideon: Make a wish?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Can I take this hat off?
Jason Gideon: I wouldn't.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Hey, Spence. First piece for the birthday boy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [to Gideon] Do you know she's the only person in the whole world who calls me 'Spence.'

Dr. Spencer Reid: You should see what comes up when you type "death" into a search engine.
Derek Morgan: [laughs] Reid, no wonder you can't get a date.

Jason Gideon: There's someone else on the plane that's a huge Skins fan.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Who?
Jason Gideon: The only person in the world who calls you 'Spence.'

Derek Morgan: I hate not having a plan. We're looking for a needle in a haystack.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, it's more like we're looking for a needle in a pile of needles.
Derek Morgan: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A needle would stand out in a haystack.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you think it's weird that I knew that ballad?
Elle Greenaway: Reid, I don't know how you know half the stuff you know, but I'm glad you do.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you think that's why I can't get a date?
Elle Greenaway: Have you ever asked anyone?
[Reid shifts his eyes]
Elle Greenaway: That's why you can't get a date.

Derek Morgan: Why the Tommy Killer?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: You know the rock opera? Well, this unsub glues his victim's eyes wide open.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He wants them to see him.
Jason Gideon: And feel them.

"Criminal Minds: The Popular Kids (#1.10)" (2005)

[Reid is pouring piles of sugar into his coffee]
Derek Morgan: Easy there tough guy. Have some coffee with your sugar.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I need something to wake me up.
Derek Morgan: Ooh, late night?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Very.
Derek Morgan: My man!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Not that kind of late night!

Derek Morgan: So tell me, what does keep young Dr. Reid awake at night? Wait, let me guess. Memorizing some obscure textbook? No, no, no. Working on cold fusion? No, I got it, I got it, I got it. Watching Star Trek and laughing at the physics mistakes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, there aren't that many scientific errors in Star Trek. Especially considering how long ago it was made. There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors.
Derek Morgan: Right.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Melted wax?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Candle wax?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Candles are used in rituals.
Jason Gideon: They're also used on birthday cakes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, they were originally used to protect the birthday celebrant from demons for the coming year. As a matter of fact, down to the fourth century, Christianity rejected the birthday celebration as a Pagan ritual.
Sheriff Bridges: What kind of a doctor are you?

[Morgan just saved Reid from a teenaged unsub who had a gun pointed at Reid's head]
Dr. Spencer Reid: What happened?
[As he pins the unsub to the ground]
Derek Morgan: Him bringing us down here was way too much of a coincidence.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, I got that. Did you have to tackle us both?
Derek Morgan: You're welcome Reid.

Deputy Harris: You guys need anything?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Coffee would be nice.
Derek Morgan: He takes about a quarter of sugar in it.

Jason Gideon: Are there any cults in the area that you know about? Secret groups, people you see you don't know much about, people who stay to themselves mostly.
Sheriff Bridges: This is a very religious area, church on Sundays, fellowship on Wednesday, bible classes. If there was a secret group I'd probably know about it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's an inherent contradiction.
Sheriff Bridges: Excuse me?
Jason Gideon: He means if there was a group being secretive you probably wouldn't know.

"Criminal Minds: L.D.S.K. (#1.6)" (2005)

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Well, I wouldn't have kept kicking you, I was afraid you didn't get my plan.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I got your plan the minute you moved the hostages out of my line of fire.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Well, I hope I didn't hurt you too badly.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hotch, I was a twelve-year-old child prodigy in a Las Vegas public high school. You kick like a nine-year-old girl.

[discussing carrying firearms]
Dr. Spencer Reid: You're just saying that to convince me I don't need to carry a gun.
Jason Gideon: I don't care if you carry a gun or not. The deadliest weapon we have is a thorough and accurate profile.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Of course, you believe that.
Jason Gideon: The footpath killer had a shotgun to the back of my head. I'm here, he's not.

Elle Greenaway: What do we call them then?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: L.D.S.K.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Long Distance Serial Killers.
Elle Greenaway: How many of these guys have we caught using a profile?
Jason Gideon: None.

Jason Gideon: This is gonna hit you. And when it does, there are only three facts you need to remember. You did what you had to do, and a lot of good people are alive because of what you did.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's the third?
Jason Gideon: I'm proud of you.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Look at me. Without a gun I look like a teacher's assistant!

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [after Reid has shot Dowd in the middle of his forehead] Nice shot!
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was aiming for his leg.

"Criminal Minds: Somebody's Watching (#1.18)" (2006)

Dr. Spencer Reid: Do I look twelve years old to you?
Jason Gideon: Fourteen?

Lila Archer: [Reid and Lila are looking at art] Does it make you feel anything?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Like what?
Lila Archer: I can't tell you what to feel.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Right now I feel pretty good.

Lila Archer: [Lila takes a sip of Reid's soda] You don't mind sharing with me, do you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No.
[Lila takes off her robe. She is wearing a bikini underneath. Reid stares at her as she walks away]
Derek Morgan: You don't mind sharing with me, do you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Shut up!

Lila Archer: You don't like me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No! I do...
Lila Archer: I like you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I like you, too. It's just I'm a... I'm a federal agent, you know? I'm supposed to protect you.
Lila Archer: Then keep me close.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Hey, Morgan? Has there ever been a girl that you wanted to be with for, you know, more than just one night?
Derek Morgan: Excuse me?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I've never seen you with the same girl twice.
Derek Morgan: What, are you calling me a dog?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, no, not at all. I'm just trying to figure out if this feeling I have is ever gonna go away.

"Criminal Minds: Extreme Aggressor (#1.1)" (2005)

[referring to Gideon]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you know why he always introduces me as Dr. Reid?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Because he knows that people see you as a kid and he wants to make sure that they respect you.

Derek Morgan: Reid, are you good with this? We've got a woman who's only got a few hours left to live, an incomplete profile and a Unit Chief on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
[Gideon comes in from behind him]
Jason Gideon: They don't call them nervous breakdowns anymore.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's called a "Major Depressive Episode."
Derek Morgan: I know!

Jason Gideon: Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Samuel Beckett.
Derek Morgan: Try not. Do or do not.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yoda.

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: This is Special Agent Dr. Reid.
David Woodland: Oh, you look too young to have gone to medical school.
Dr. Spencer Reid: They are Ph.D.'s, three of them.
David Woodland: What, are you a genius or something?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute.
[pause]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, I'm a genius.

Derek Morgan: *Breaking into an encrypted computer* In six tries?
Jason Gideon: Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Samuel Buckett.
Derek Morgan: Try not. Do. Or do not.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yoda.

"Criminal Minds: Conflicted (#4.20)" (2009)

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: National media's picked up on the story. We're gonna need to make a statement when we land.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We want to make people aware without obviously causing panic.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Stress hyper-vigilance, the whole buddy system. Yeah, I'm all over it. I just don't think anyone's gonna listen.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What do you mean?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Come on, drunk college students don't exactly want to hear they shouldn't talk to strangers.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Right.
[goes to sit]
Emily Prentiss: [to Garcia on the webcam] Was there any DNA left on the scene?
Penelope Garcia: Uh, yeah. Too *much* DNA. This portion of The Garcia Show will be brought to you by the letter "I" for icky. The lab has recovered over a hundred different trace samples as multiple guests create a cesspool of DNA. Also, there is no way to determine the exact time of "secretion" or to eliminate anyone actually working at the hotel.

Adam Jackson: Hey, can I ask you a question?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah.
Adam Jackson: Um... you've seen bad stuff right?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I have. Yeah.
Adam Jackson: How long before you can close your eyes without it being there?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [long pause] I'm afraid I still don't know.

Adam Jackson: We've been friends since I was just a kid.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Are you lovers?
Adam Jackson: [scoffs] No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well then why does she pay for everything you have?
Adam Jackson: It's not like it's a hand out. I'm working at the hotel so I can pay her back.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Does she pay for the drugs also?
Adam Jackson: I - I told you, I get migraines.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So, take a prescription.
Adam Jackson: I thought you were different.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What does that mean?

Dr. Spencer Reid: Stephen King once said- "Monsters are real. Ghosts are real, too. They live inside us and sometimes, they win."

Derek Morgan: What's this really about?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Tobias Hankel.
Derek Morgan: Tobias Hankel drugged and tortured you for two days.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, the altered persona of his father did those things to me. The real Tobias saved my life. He brought me back from the dead.
Derek Morgan: So you think because of Tobias you owe Adam?

"Criminal Minds: 52 Pickup (#4.9)" (2008)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [of women in clubs he was trying to warn about the killer] Several of them asked if I'm the unsub.

Derek Morgan: [trying to help Reid learn how to pick up women] What makes you feel confident?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Statistics.
Derek Morgan: No.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I think I'm just going to stay home tonight and man the tipline. Clubs aren't really my thing.
Derek Morgan: Not a chance kid, I need a wingman. Come on.
David Rossi: Actually, there is another angle we need to pursue.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We still don't know what made the unsub change his victimology. What made him stop killing prostitutes and move into the clubs.
David Rossi: The answer might be something in Viper's class. But to figure that out we need to profile the teacher.
Derek Morgan: You need to bait him, then, with somebody he sees as a challenge.
Dr. Spencer Reid: We need to study his style up close and personal. It's gonna take someone he's already attracted to.
Emily Prentiss: Aww. Aww, this is really gonna suck.

Dr. Spencer Reid: How are you doing?
Derek Morgan: Well, I gave out all my flyers.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How many phone numbers did you get?
Derek Morgan: None. I'm working a case here, kid.
[Reid gives him a look]
Derek Morgan: Okay, four were offered, but I didn't take any of them.
[Reid gives him another look]
Derek Morgan: Alright, look, let me school you a little bit. What you have to do with these ladies, just take control of the conversation. When you're talking what makes you feel like an expert?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, statistics
Derek Morgan: No, trust me. No. Something else.
Dr. Spencer Reid: When I do magic.
Derek Morgan: See, that's perfect. Chicks dig magic.

"Criminal Minds: Painless (#7.4)" (2011)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [the music on Morgan's iPod suddenly stops, and is replaced by Reid's voice] We interrupt your regularly scheduled musical selection with an important announcement: never wage a practical joke war against an MIT graduate, because we have a history of going nuclear. Now just sit back, relax, and enjoy the dulcet sounds of me, screaming in your ear. AAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Dr. Spencer Reid: [muttering] I will crush you.
Derek Morgan: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [innocently] What?

Dr. Spencer Reid: [When JJ claims she can't remember ever being bullied in high school] Were you one of the mean girls?
Jennifer Jareau: Wh - ? No!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Valedictorian, soccer scholarship, corn fed but still a size zero - I think that you might've been a mean girl!
Jennifer Jareau: *I* was actually one of the *nice* girls. Even to guys like *you*!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Guys like me? I'll have you know that my social standing increased once I started winning at basketball.
Jennifer Jareau: [Disbelievingly] Oh yeah, you played basketball?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, I didn't play. I *coached* basketball. I broke down the opposing team's shooting strategy.
Jennifer Jareau: Is that why Morgan kicked you out of the pool last week?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah. Took him three rounds to realize I was hustling him.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] "You may leave school, but it never leaves you." ~~ Andy Partridge

"Criminal Minds: Proof (#7.2)" (2011)

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Charm's quite the killer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So are tears.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Maybe she offended him.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [sarcastically] Wonder what that's like.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I get it, okay? You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Dodging her] Listen, I have a lot going on, alright?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You know what *I* think it is?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Hurt beginning to show beneath his anger] You think this is about my *profiling skills*? Jennifer, listen: the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I *trusted* you! I came to your house for *ten* weeks in a row, crying over losing a friend, and not *once* did you have the decency to tell me the truth.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Guiltily, fighting tears] I couldn't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Skeptically] You *couldn't*, or you *wouldn't*?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Frustrated] No, I *couldn't*!
Dr. Spencer Reid: [a little more calmly now] What if I had started taking dilaudid again? Would you have let me?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [a little nervously] You didn't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, but I thought about it.
[Starts to leave]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence!
[Spencer stops and looks back at her impatiently]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'm sorry!
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's too late! Alright?
[He walks away, leaving JJ almost in tears and the rest of the team looking concerned]

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] "If it is a miracle, any sort of evidence will answer; but if it is a fact, proof is necessary." ~~ Mark Twain

"Criminal Minds: Elephant's Memory (#3.16)" (2008)

Derek Morgan: So Owen identifies with being a misunderstood loner. You know, I wish all of our unsubs would just tack their profiles on their walls like this for us.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looks at him] That doesn't mean anything. What, you grew up in Chicago, a high school jock, and you have pictures of Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan on your walls and trophies everywhere?
Derek Morgan: Yeah. But you forgot Walter Payton. Not to mention the sexy ladies of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [rushing into the briefing room] Sorry I'm late.
[Sits]
Dr. Spencer Reid: .
David Rossi: I hope she was worth it.
Derek Morgan: [turning to look at Reid from behind] I hope it was a she.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sorry, I was at the movies.
David Rossi: Oh, really, why don't you tell us what it was about.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, I had to leave early, so I can't really -...
[stops because of Rossi's look]

Sheriff Britt Hallum: [referring to high-school bullying] Oh, boys have a way of working these things out for themselves.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'll say: Owen's out there right now working things out with an assault rifle.

Derek Morgan: You said I was a high school jock. I was, but not at first. My freshman year, I was five foot three. I weighed a buck twenty soaking wet, so trust me when I tell you I got my ass kicked every day. So the following summer, I hit the weights. And I got lucky, I grew six inches. But it was never about vanity, Reid. It was about survival.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was in the library and, um... Harper Hillman comes up to me, and she tells me that, uh... Alexa Lisbon wants to meet me behind the field house. Alexa Lisbon's like, easily, the prettiest girl in school.
Derek Morgan: So what happened? Alexa wasn't there?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, she was there. So was the entire football team. They... stripped me naked and tied me to a goalpost. So many kids were there, you know, just watching.
Derek Morgan: Nobody tried to stop it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I begged... I begged them to, but they just... just watched. And... finally, they got bored and they left. It was like midnight when I finally got home. And my mom had... mom was having one of her episodes, so she didn't even realize I was late.
Derek Morgan: You never told her what happened?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I never told anybody. I thought... it was one of those things that I thought if I didn't talk about it, I'd just forget. But I remember it like it was yesterday.
Derek Morgan: [sighs] Oh, Reid, you don't need an eidetic memory for that. You know, we forget half of what they teach us in school, but when it comes to the torment and the people who inflicted it, we've all got an elephant's memory.

"Criminal Minds: Broken Mirror (#1.5)" (2005)

Dr. Spencer Reid: There's no code of conduct that says agents can't socialize.
Derek Morgan: Well, see, my code of survival says never mess with a woman that carries a gun.

Evan Davenport: Excuse me, can you actually read that fast?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Our conscious minds can process sixteen bits of information per second. Our unconscious, however, can process eleven million.
[Mr. Davenport looks at Reid]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, I can actually read this fast.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm just saying it's possible. I don't know everything, despite the fact that you think that I do.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: I never said that. When have I ever said that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Every day since I met you!
Elle Greenway: This morning at breakfast...
Agent Aaron Hotch: Yesterday when he beat you at cards. We have one minute.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: You ever heard of sarcasm?
Dr. Spencer Reid, Elle Greenway: Uh-huh...

"Criminal Minds: The Angel Maker (#4.2)" (2008)

[Dr Reid has found steganographic messages hidden in letters written by a convict in prison but can't read the messages without the key]
David Rossi: What do you need to crack it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The ability to clone myself and a year's supply of Adderall.
David Rossi: I'll put on the coffee.

[Dr Reid has managed to decode steganographic messages hidden in letters written by a convict in prison]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Normally, you'd use a computer to examine all the combinations, but in this case it was faster just to write it all out longhand until I found the right code.
Emily Prentiss: [Poking Reid's cheek] He's so lifelike!

Dr. Spencer Reid: Think about who shares the exact DNA makeup of another person.
Derek Morgan: Read, you're not seriously floating around the idea of an evil twin, are you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, I'm not. I'm floating the idea of an *eviler* twin.

"Criminal Minds: Amplification (#4.24)" (2009)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Reid is being cleaned by a bio hazard team] I'm about to get naked so they can scrub me down. You sure that's something you wanna see?

Dr. Spencer Reid: [wakes up in hospital] Are you eating jello?
Derek Morgan: Hey kid.
[to the hallway]
Derek Morgan: Hey, Doc. He's awake.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [to Morgan] Is there any *more* jello?

Dr. Spencer Reid: [anxiously] Hotch, I really messed up this time.

"Criminal Minds: Identity (#3.7)" (2007)

Dr. Spencer Reid: A popular theory among leading astrophysicists estimates that the hyper-matter reactor would need about 10³² Joules of energy to destroy a planet the size of Earth. Now, Lucas said it took 19 years to build the first Death Star, right? If you look at the universal chronology, there's a tested prototype for Superlaser - where're you going?
Derek Morgan: Take back the last five minutes of my life.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm with the FBI.
Trailer Park Manager: FBI? You're not serious. You look like a pipe-cleaner with eyes. I could snap you like a twig.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [on the phone] Hi this is Agent Jareau with the F.B.I. and -
[puts phone down]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: That's the third time I've been hung up on.
David Rossi: Try not saying F.B.I.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Who was that?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Contact for a local militia newsletter.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, drop the F.B.I. part.

"Criminal Minds: The Performer (#5.7)" (2009)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] In all the darkest pages of the maligned supernatural, there is no more terrible tradition than that of the vampire, a pariah even among demons. -writer Montague Summers

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [JJ and Reid are on the phone with Garcia. Reid is working at a glass evidence board. JJ sists in a chair] Penelope?
Penelope Garcia: Are we in yet?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: All yours.
Penelope Garcia: [sighs] I always feel skeevy going through someone's life like this.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay, so everything looks like it's password protected so you might not even be able to... you're in already, aren't you?
Penelope Garcia: Password was "Cullen."
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Of course.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looks over] "*Colon?*"
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: *Cullen.* The vampire family from Twilight.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's Twilight?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Do you ever read anything other than technical books.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Mm. Not much in English.
[looks back to his work]
Penelope Garcia: Okay I'll see what I can dredge. My love is strong.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay. Thanks.
[hangs up]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: How's the profile coming?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know. I never really feel ready, you know?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You'll be fine. I'm gonna go to talk to Tara's BFF before the media requests come in and it gets too crazy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's a BFF?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [sighs] Best friend forever.

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: What was the password?
Garcia: Cullun.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Ah, of course. Thanks Garcia.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Who's Cullun?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: The family from the Twilight books.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's Twilight?

"Criminal Minds: Reckoner (#5.3)" (2009)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [after Hotch throws him a folder] What's this?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: You told me you were cleared to travel. You lied.
Emily Prentiss: Naughty boy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, *no* I *didn't.* I *am* a doctor, so *technically* it wasn't a lie.
Penelope Garcia: What was it then?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Um... second opinion?
Penelope Garcia: Hmm. You're my bitch now.
[leaves the room as Morgan chuckles]

Penelope Garcia: [to Hotch via webcam with Reid] I got something that might help us with that...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Technically *we* have something that might help us with that.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [to Prentiss via webcam with Garcia] Anything less than 10,000 dollars keeps the IRS off your trail.
Penelope Garcia: [desperately] I know that too.

"Criminal Minds: Haunted (#5.2)" (2009)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [after Garcia helps him sit down] Thanks.
Penelope Garcia: Does it hurt?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It really only hurts when I think about it which is pretty much all the time.
[starts to snoop in the cookie tin next to him]
Penelope Garcia: No, no, no. Get away you.
[takes the lid]
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Penelope Garcia: These are for Hotch.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I get *shot* in the leg and I don't get any cookies? You know he's gonna hate the attention.
Penelope Garcia: [puts the lid back on] It's cookies, not cake.

Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, the entire time I've known Hotch, I don't believe I've seen him blink.

Penelope Garcia: [of Hotch] Do you think he's ok?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I wouldn't be, but I'm a blinker.

"Criminal Minds: Sex, Birth, Death (#2.11)" (2006)

Jason Gideon: Paramedics say he wouldn't have made it without you. You saved his life.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He wanted me to let him die.
Jason Gideon: He's sick. He needed saving.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And how many people's lives did I risk in the future?
Jason Gideon: Profiles can be wrong.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What if it's not? What if next time he kills somebody?
Jason Gideon: Then you catch him.

Special Agent Derek Morgan: Reid, you know this is not your responsibility?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It is. I can't explain.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: Well try me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He knows I understand him.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: Of course you do. You're a profiler.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's more than that.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: How?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind.

Dr. Spencer Reid: What's up with Hotch today?
Special Agent Derek Morgan: [chuckles] I don't know. Maybe he tied that knot in his tie a little too tight again.

"Criminal Minds: Memoriam (#4.7)" (2008)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [walks into his hotel room with a box, surprised to see Rossi and Morgan there] What are you guys doing here?
Derek Morgan: Hey. What's it look like we're doing?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, breaking into my room and watching Days of Our Lives.
David Rossi: The Young and the Restless.

David Rossi: [referring to Reid's father] He's keeping tabs on you. That's saying something.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah and he Googled me. That makes up for everything.

Penelope Garcia: Oh, Will he looks just like you.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Let's hope he grows out of that.
Emily Prentiss: Just as long as he doesn't inherit the accent.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [from outside the door] Is there room for one more in here?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence, hi.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: [to Reid as he enters] Welcome back.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thanks.
[looks at Henry]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wow.
[to Will, extending his hand]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Congratulations.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: [takes Reid's hand] Thank you.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [to Reid] How is it that I just went through 15 hours of labor and... you look worse than I do?
[laughs]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Don't be ridiculous. You look beautiful.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Well I could sure use some coffee. Anyone else?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Sure.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: My treat.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [after Will, Hotch, Prentiss and Garcia leave; to Reid] You okay?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wow. Yeah, yeah.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You sure? Because there's something I wanted to ask you, but, it can wait.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What is it?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Will and I were talking and... we want you to be Henry's Godfather.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't - I mean, I don't know...
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Here. You wanna hold him. It's okay.
[hands Henry to Reid]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Watch his head.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hi. Hello Henry.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: If anything happens to us, it's up to you and Garcia to make sure this boy gets into Yale.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ooh. Yale. Yale! Do you wanna go to Yale, Henry? That was your Godfather's safety school.
[whispers]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Don't worry, I can get you into Cal Tech with one phone call.

"Criminal Minds: Corazon (#6.12)" (2011)

Dr. Spencer Reid: "No man chooses evil because it *is* evil, he only mistakes it for haappiness, the good he seeks." ~~ Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

Dr. Spencer Reid: "The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or even touched; they must be felt with the heart." ~~ Helen Keller

"Criminal Minds: The Uncanny Valley (#5.12)" (2010)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] Isaac Asimov wrote: "in life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate."

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] Mildred Lisette Norman wrote, "Anything you cannot relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness possesses you, and in this materialistic age a great many of us are possessed by our possessions."

"Criminal Minds: True Night (#3.10)" (2007)

Derek Morgan: [on the phone, to Garcia] Don't make me spank you when I get back.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Don't listen to him, Garcia. He's all talk.
[Morgan slaps Reid on the back of the head]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ahh! JJ, he just hit me!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Boys, behave, or I will ground you both.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [arriving at the crime scene] Should have listened to me.
Derek Morgan: It wouldn't have saved that much time, Reid. Let it go.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The interchange between the 405 and the 101 freeways is consistently rated the worst interchange in the entire world.
Derek Morgan: Why do you know that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a government report.
Derek Morgan: So what?
Dr. Spencer Reid: So, you work for the government. What, you don't read the reports?
Derek Morgan: On traffic patterns in a city twenty-five hundred miles from where I live?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Twenty-two hundred and ninety-five miles.
Derek Morgan: Don't make me smack you in front of all these people.

"Criminal Minds: Empty Planet (#2.8)" (2006)

Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you mind if we swing by a book store, I want to re-read Empty Planet before we meet with the author, I haven't read it since I was six.
Derek Morgan: Six? I was still riding my big wheeler at six!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you mind, it'll only take ten minutes.
Jason Gideon: Do buy it or to read it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh both actually.

[last lines]
Derek Morgan: [quoting Spencer] "A young man that I respect is putting his life on the line"?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [to stares] What?
Derek Morgan: Gideon, I couldn't leave that lady alone to die.
Jason Gideon: I didn't say you were wrong.
Jason Gideon: And what he said I said...
Derek Morgan: Yeah?
Jason Gideon: I said.

"Criminal Minds: Paradise (#4.4)" (2008)

Emily Prentiss: Well Roadside motels definately go on my list.
[When Reid gives her a funny look... ]
Emily Prentiss: Of things to never do again.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You have a *list?*
David Rossi: [to Reid] You *don't?*

Dr. Spencer Reid: [on the phone with Garcia] Thank you, Garcia!
Garcia: You, my fine furry friends, are welcome!
[hangs up the phone]
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [about Garcia] Remind me to have her drug-tested...

"Criminal Minds: The Tribe (#1.16)" (2006)

Dr. Spencer Reid: I notice you don't carry a gun.
John Blackwolf: Twenty-one feet.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
John Blackwolf: Ask Agent Hotchner there. He's the real gun hand.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Why do you say that?
John Blackwolf: You carry two guns.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: The maximum distance an attacker with a knife can close in the time it takes to react, draw your sidearm and fire is twenty-one feet.
John Blackwolf: Inside twenty-one feet, I win. Outside twenty-one, I have other options besides shooting a man.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Like negotiating.
John Blackwolf: Like running.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Why do you say I carry two guns?
John Blackwolf: Your right instep footprint's heavier than your left. And since you don't appear to have a clubbed right foot...
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: You can't tell that from my footprints. There's no perceptible difference.
John Blackwolf: Your problem isn't with your prints. It's with your perception.

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [indicating the hogtide prisoners] We captured these four.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Without firing a shot?
John Blackwolf: [indicating Hotch] Captain America there just had to shoot number 5.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: And there's a sixth one cut up pretty badly. I don't think he's gonna make it.
John Blackwolf: At least I didn't shoot him.
Derek Morgan: I think I'd rather be shot.

"Criminal Minds: Jones (#2.18)" (2007)

Ethan: So how are you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm fine.
Ethan: You're not fine. I'm a jazz musician in New Orleans. I know what it looks like when someone's not well. This may be the one time I can tell you something, you don't already know. You're surrounded by the best minds in the world. And if I notice...
[Ethan shakes his hand]
Ethan: Well... for a genius that's just dumb.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I guess I needed to see if I could step away.
Jason Gideon: And...?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'll never miss another plane again.

"Criminal Minds: Revelations (#2.15)" (2007)

Dr. Spencer Reid: You're not Raphael.
Tobias Hankel: Do I look like Raphel?

Tobias Hankel: You killed him!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Tobias.
Tobias Hankel: Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?

"Criminal Minds: It Takes a Village (#7.1)" (2011)

Dr. Spencer Reid: If you want to punish me for taking a risk, then I encourage you to do that, but do not put the rest of my team on trial for something that I suggested.
Senator Cramer: Calm down, agent.
Dr. Spencer Reid: This *is* calm, and it's 'doctor'.

Emily Prentiss: [Bursting into the interrogation room after hearing Reid tell Doyle that he thinks the BAU should trade him for Declan] No! We are not letting him outta here, Reid!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Emily, I will chain myself to him if I have to!
Emily Prentiss: He'll find a way to escape!
Dr. Spencer Reid: No he won't, and we're running out of time! If we find McDermott now, we have a chance to save Declan!

"Criminal Minds: Damaged (#3.14)" (2008)

Dr. Spencer Reid: I find I do some of my best work under intense terror.

Chester Hardwick: Is that true - I never had a chance?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know - maybe.

"Criminal Minds: Coda (#6.16)" (2011)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different, yet tomorrow is too often a repetition of today. -author James T. McCay

Ashley Seaver: Is that the one where they fly around in the phone booth?
Dr. Spencer Reid: First of all, it's a police box, not a phone booth. Second of all, Doctor Who started a quarter of century before Bill and Ted even went on their bodacious adventures. So really, they should just call it Bill and Ted's excellent rip-off, I mean at least then...
Ashley Seaver: I'm really sorry.
Dr. Spencer Reid: For what?
Ashley Seaver: Asking.

"Criminal Minds: The Fox (#1.7)" (2005)

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: He's so gorgeous.
Dr. Spencer Reid: If you find baldness and wrinkles attractive.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Are you hacking into the government HMO database? Is that legal?
Penelope Garcia: Of course not. We'll both go to prison and you'll be someones bitch.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Really?

"Criminal Minds: With Friends Like These (#6.19)" (2011)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] Lizette Reese wrote "The old faiths light their candles all about, but burly truth comes by and puts them out."

Ben Foster: The only way you can help me is if you kill me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ben, that's not true. Listen, the only way we can help you...
[Reid's image shimmers, indicating that the next thing Ben hears is in his head and not actually Reid's own words]
Dr. Spencer Reid: ... is if you take that knife, and you stab me in the neck with it.
Ben Foster: Are you sure that'll work?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [In Ben's hallucination] Oh, I'm absolutely sure, Ben.
[as himself]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Put that knife down, okay?
[In Ben's hallucination]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Take that knife, jam me in the neck with it, and all your problems will go away! Okay?

"Criminal Minds: Sense Memory (#6.14)" (2011)

Emily Prentiss: Thank you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: For what?
Emily Prentiss: For being you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Aw, thanks. I don't know how to be anyone else.

Dr. Spencer Reid: ...That was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?

"Criminal Minds: Penelope (#3.9)" (2007)

Derek Morgan: I asked her to go out last night. But she was pissed at me. She blew me off.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So you ended up in church?
Derek Morgan: Yeah. What does it mean? One hand, if she'd gone out with me, she would have never got shot. On the other hand... what are the odds that the first time I pray in twenty years, she's on the table?

"Criminal Minds: Risky Business (#5.13)" (2010)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Watching Prentiss play with a wooden toy puzzle] What is that?
Emily Prentiss: It's called a 'star puzzle'. It's basically impossible to figure out.You have to put all of the pieces back together to form a perfect star. But the origin of it is, um, kind of a romantic tale.
[She abandons the puzzle to explain as the rest of the team stops what they're doing to listen]
Emily Prentiss: There was this young prince who wanted to win the heart of the fairest maiden in the land, so he climbed to the top of the tallest tower in the kingdom and he caught a falling star for her. Unfortunately, he was so excited that he dropped it and it smashed into all of these pieces. So he frantically put it back together again to prove his undying love to her and he succeeded and they lived happily ever after.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That doesn't make any sense.
Emily Prentiss: What do you mean?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You can't catch a falling star. It would burn up in the atmosphere.
Emily Prentiss: Yeah, but it's not literal, Reid, it's a fable.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But there's no moral. Uh, fables have morals.
Emily Prentiss: Okay, so it's just a romantic little story.
[Reid picks up the pieces and begins assembling it]
Emily Prentiss: And the point is, it's basically impossible to do because you have to take all of those pieces and fit them together exactly -
[Reid sets the completed star on the table]
Emily Prentiss: There's a lot to hate about you, Dr. Reid.

"Criminal Minds: Dorado Falls (#7.3)" (2011)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] "Men are not prisoners of fate, but prisoners of their own minds." ~~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Criminal Minds: Parasite (#5.14)" (2010)

Derek Morgan: You're not enjoying this, are you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I like a good paper-trail. I find it meditative.
Derek Morgan: Is it really that hard for you to be normal just one time?

"Criminal Minds: Tabula Rasa (#3.19)" (2008)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [looking at a piece of paper] It's remarkable. Something like this makes you question everything you thought you knew.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah. It's like the Monolith in 2001.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So there was actually a time when something like this was socially acceptable?
Penelope Garcia: Oh... you're young.
[takes the paper from Reid]
Penelope Garcia: The eighties left a lot of people confused.
[a photo of Prentiss from high school is revealed]
Penelope Garcia: This is, uh, especially sad, though.
Emily Prentiss: All right, very funny, you guys. Very funny.
[snatched the paper from Garcia]
Emily Prentiss: What'd you do to it?
Penelope Garcia: Do?
Emily Prentiss: You obviously aletered it in photoshop or something.
[shows the photo to Garcia]
Emily Prentiss: That *hair?*
Penelope Garcia: Oh, no, Pussycat. That - that's all you. Garfield High, Class of '89.
Emily Prentiss: [looking at the photo again] You really didn't change anything?
Penelope Garcia: I hacked it, as is. You're seriously trying to tell me you don't remember rocking that look?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Perhaps your lack of recognition stems from a dissociative fugue suffered in adolescence. Say, at a Siouxsie and the Banshees concert?
Penelope Garcia: [laughs]

"Criminal Minds: Lucky (#3.8)" (2007)

Emily Prentiss: Satanic cults... They were debunked as a suburban myth.
[Rossi stares at her]
Emily Prentiss: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Rossi's the one who debunked them.
Emily Prentiss: Oh, yeah...

"Criminal Minds: Rite of Passage (#5.19)" (2010)

Dr. Spencer Reid: Contrary to popular belief, decapitation is not that easy.
David Rossi: Hmm. You don't often hear "popular" and "decapitation" in the same sentence.

"Criminal Minds: Epilogue (#7.6)" (2011)

Derek Morgan: [Irritatedly] Come on, guys. Gentle lights, shadowy figures? Those are the lights in the emergency room and the doctors hovering over the patients, we all know that. No one actually sees the afterlife.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I did.
[Everyone in the room turns to look at him]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Before Tobias Hankel resuscitated me, I had that exact experience, and I wasn't in an emergency room. I was in a shed.
Derek Morgan: [More gently] Reid, you never told me that.

"Criminal Minds: ...A Thousand Words (#5.20)" (2010)

Derek Morgan: Ugh! This heat is brutal!
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, it isn't so much the heat as it is the humidity.
Derek Morgan: At some point, it doesn't matter how you look at it. It all sucks.

"Criminal Minds: Faceless, Nameless (#5.1)" (2009)

Penelope Garcia: [to Reid on the phone] Okay, do you want biological information or full medical charts?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Can you *get* the full medical charts?
Penelope Garcia: You know for a smart boy you still ask a lot of *dumb* questions.

"Criminal Minds: Masterpiece (#4.8)" (2008)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Looking through glass at Professor Rothchild] I never have any normal fans.

"Criminal Minds: Today I Do (#6.15)" (2011)

Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a common theme in self-help books. I read twenty-two today.

"Criminal Minds: The Instincts (#4.6)" (2008)

Dr. Spencer Reid: Dr. Norman said I could sleep on the couch in your room tonight if you want.
Diana Reid: [to Dr. Norman] If you try to keep him here any longer than that, I'll scratch your eyes out!
Dr. Norman: [to Spencer] One night; no more.
[Dr. Norman walks away]
Diana Reid: It helps if they think you're crazy. They don't argue.

"Criminal Minds: In Heat (#3.17)" (2008)

Derek Morgan: [looking at J.J. and Will kissing in the hallway with Prentiss and Reid] Well, finally.
Emily Prentiss: Mm. I thought she was never going to admit it.
[walks away]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, what's it been like, a year?
[follows Prentiss]
Derek Morgan: Yeah, something like that.
[walks away, opposite of Reid and Prentiss]

"Criminal Minds: What Fresh Hell? (#1.12)" (2006)

Jason Gideon: You know what program did the most harm to this country, in terms of crimes like this? Child abduction?
Det. Charlotte Russet: No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Stranger danger.
Jason Gideon: Flooded the schools with it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I remember them coming to my classroom. It was Officer Friendly with stranger danger coloring books.
Jason Gideon: Taught a whole generation about a scary man in a trench coat, hiding behind a tree. Then we learned that strangers are only a... fraction of the offenders out there. Most are people you see every day - your family, your neighbors, schoolteachers. You know the rest. Prepared our children for 1% of the danger, made them vulnerable to 99%. So we've been wrong before. All we can do is learn from it, and hopefully be better next time.

"Criminal Minds: The Boogeyman (#2.6)" (2006)

Derek Morgan: So, why the woods, JJ?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Hmmm?
Derek Morgan: Your fear, you said it was of the woods.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Err, I used to be a camp counselor when I was a teenager, in the woods up around Vermont. I had the night shift, you know, tuck the girls in, turn off the lights, you know, the typical drill. Everything seemed fine. The kids were asleep, you know, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Until... I noticed that there was some blood, on the hallway floor. So I followed the blood trail down the hall to the camp director's cabin, walked up to his bed, and... he was just lying there, under his covers, dead. Someone stabbed him. I ran out of there so fast, out the door, down the hall. I can just remember it being really dark. Once I got to the door, there was another counselor; I guess she heard me scream. They caught the caretaker on his way in to town. I guess he still had the knife on him. Anyway, I guess that's probably when I decided I didn't like the woods.
Derek Morgan: You're serious?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: [sips coffee looking serious and pauses] No!
[shakes head]
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: I mean you fell for that?
[they laugh]
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Come on! I don't know why I'm afraid of the woods! I am. Why is he still afraid of the dark?
Derek Morgan: Yeah, Reid why are you still afraid of the dark?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Because of the inherent absence of light!
[they laugh]

"Criminal Minds: A Real Rain (#1.17)" (2006)

Derek Morgan: You've never been to New York?
Dr. Spencer Reid: We've never had an UNSUB there.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [to Gideon] I thought you were going to talk to Reid about taking some vacation time.
Jason Gideon: What vacation time?

"Criminal Minds: True Genius (#7.11)" (2012)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy. -Dante

"Criminal Minds: What Happens at Home... (#6.10)" (2010)

Dr. Spencer Reid: I was remediated in the academy also... what was my issue - marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's Alley, you know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field.

"Criminal Minds: Lauren (#6.18)" (2011)

Derek Morgan: She threw a flash bang grenade into a car, she's lucky the three people inside didn't die. Is anybody else bothered by that?
David Rossi: Well, three bad guys.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Illegal as it is, I think Prentiss knows she has to be as ruthless as Doyle.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's come to the US to wage a public vendetta and hired a group of mercenaries to remain loyal to him. He has nothing to lose, so she has to act the same way.

"Criminal Minds: From Childhood's Hour (#7.5)" (2011)

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] "From childhood's hour, I have not been As others are; I have not seen As others have." ~~ Edgar Allen Poe

"Criminal Minds: Compulsion (#1.2)" (2005)

Elle Greenaway: Chemical accelerant could mean chemistry student.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It could also mean chemistry professor.
Elle Greenaway: I say student. You need self-confidence to lecture in front of a classroom full of 30 college kids. Arsonists are socially incompetent. This guy doesn't go on dates, doesn't go to parties, doesn't feel comfortable in front of groups.
[Reid looks at Elle]
Elle Greenaway: And of course he's a total psychopath.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Of course.

"Criminal Minds: About Face (#3.6)" (2007)

Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: You guys can catch up on the jet.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Oh yeah, that'd be great.
David Rossi: The jet?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We have a jet now.
David Rossi: Are you serious?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Oh yeah, it comes in pretty handy.

"Criminal Minds: Pleasure Is My Business (#4.16)" (2009)

[going through a victim's finances]
Dr. Spencer Reid: 18 cars, 6 houses and 3 boats. Can you even boat in Dallas?

"Criminal Minds: The Longest Night (#6.1)" (2010)

Penelope Garcia: [on the phone with Reid] How's my main man doing?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, on the completely safe assumption that you're not talking about me, let's just say I wouldn't wanna be this unsub when Morgan finally gets his hands on him.
Penelope Garcia: That bad, huh?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Has he ever yelled at you *before*?
Penelope Garcia: [chuckles] Touche.

"Criminal Minds: The Big Wheel (#4.22)" (2009)

Emily Prentiss: [in the investigation room; looking at Reid] What's missing from the Michelle Watson murder is any sign of rage or overkill.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, instead on the tape we see signs of remorse. A complete and sudden emotional change. It's absolutely fascinating.
Penelope Garcia: [walking over to Prentiss, looking at Reid] I love you, Reid, but the stuff you find fascinating is sad.

"Criminal Minds: Cold Comfort (#4.14)" (2009)

Penelope Garcia: Reid, we need a D.O.B. on Prentiss.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, 7:12am, October 12th, 197...
Emily Prentiss: [cuts Reid off] Hey!