Dr. Spencer Reid
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Quotes for
Dr. Spencer Reid (Character)
from "Criminal Minds" (2005)

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"Criminal Minds: Proof (#7.2)" (2011)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Charm's quite the killer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So are tears.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Maybe she offended him.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [sarcastically] Wonder what that's like.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I get it, okay? You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Dodging her] Listen, I have a lot going on, alright?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You know what *I* think it is?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Hurt beginning to show beneath his anger] You think this is about my *profiling skills*? Jennifer, listen: the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I *trusted* you! I came to your house for *ten* weeks in a row, crying over losing a friend, and not *once* did you have the decency to tell me the truth.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Guiltily, fighting tears] I couldn't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Skeptically] You *couldn't*, or you *wouldn't*?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Frustrated] No, I *couldn't*!
Dr. Spencer Reid: [a little more calmly now] What if I had started taking dilaudid again? Would you have let me?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [a little nervously] You didn't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, but I thought about it.
[Starts to leave]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence!
[Spencer stops and looks back at her impatiently]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'm sorry!
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's too late! Alright?
[He walks away, leaving JJ almost in tears and the rest of the team looking concerned]

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] "If it is a miracle, any sort of evidence will answer; but if it is a fact, proof is necessary." ~~ Mark Twain

Dr. Spencer Reid: People have an innate curiosity to see things in order to confirm them.

Dr. Spencer Reid: So, Beth got off the bus here and headed northwest toward class.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's amazing no one witnessed her abduction.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Emily was buried six feet under and wound up in Paris, so I guess anything's possible, right?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So, that is what this is about.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe our UnSub's a little bit like Bundy. He feigns an injury in order to get her to help him.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Look, Spence, if you want to talk about this...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe he tried other tactics, like, "You're really pretty. You should be a model. I can take your photo."
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'll take that as no.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Either one would disarm her.

[last lines]
David Rossi: Cooking is the most sensual art form. And these are my paints.
Penelope Garcia: So your hands must be brushes.
David Rossi: Don't interrupt. In a pot of boiling water, we cook our spaghetti until it's al dente, firm to the tooth. Here you go. Everybody pass it around. See? Feel the texture. There we go. Okay. Now, in a large pan, we fry up our pancetta. Keeping a sharp eye that the edges are crisp.
Aaron Hotchner: But careful not to burn the onions.
David Rossi: Bravo, Aaron! We sauté until translucence.
Derek Morgan: [hearing ding-dong] I got it.
David Rossi: Grazie mille!
[seeing JJ raises the glass to her lips, puts up a hand to stop her]
David Rossi: Oh! Now, we mix in the eggs, the parmesan, the spaghetti and parsley. You see, it's all about timing and rhythm. And if you don't feel yourself doing it properly, please, order a pizza.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sorry, I'm late.
David Rossi: Yeah. And this is why I cook alone.
Emily Prentiss: So, when do we get to drink the wine?
David Rossi: Almost there. Okay. We start at the beginning. You eat what you cook, I'll supervise, but we're gonna do this all together, just like a family.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [holding the glass] Okay now?
David Rossi: Now. Salute!
[everybody's "Salute!" follows]

Aaron Hotchner: [Reid has been giving JJ the cold shoulder] Reid. If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I... can't. I didn't come to your house crying for ten weeks.

Emily Prentiss: [walking in hall on JJ's left] So, you finished the course?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [some pride in her voice] Mmmhmmm. And completed my case rotation.
Emily Prentiss: Hotch says he's never seen a rookie profiler analyze and write up cases as well as you.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: He said that?
Emily Prentiss: [laughing somewhat as she begins to talk] Yeah, well, after all the cases you presented over the years, I'm not surprised.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Hmm. Hey, where have you been?
[camera quickly pans to Spencer and Emily and JJ catch up]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I wanted to do brunch this weekend.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [feigns busyness] I had to deal with some stuff with my mom; have you seen Garcia?
[walks ahead and they stop]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [question in her voice] Uh, she's with Rossi...
[gestures to Reid]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: he hates me.
Emily Prentiss: [scoffs sympathetically] Mm, he was just busy.
Emily Prentiss: Let it go.

Aaron Hotchner: All right; let's get started.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Oh.
[Realizes the cases are not hers and proudly hands the information over to a thankful Garcia]
Penelope Garcia: Alright, Mes Amis.
[stands to present]
Penelope Garcia: You are jetting to Durant, Oklahoma, because, in the last three days, two women have been found dead after being sexually tortured and then blinded with a sulfuric acid solution. Abby Elcott is our first victim; 19-year-old art student; she was heading to campus for an advanced drawing class. She'd been missing for two days. Same goes for our second victim, Beth Westerly, 17.
[draws a breath]
Penelope Garcia: She had just finished her coffee shop shift and was on her way to a bar method class.
Emily Prentiss: Both low-risk victims.
Derek Morgan: And physically similar.
David Rossi: How close are the two abduction sites?
Penelope Garcia: [looking down at information] 5 miles apart at bus stops. Abby's cell was found near one. Beth's scarf near the other.
[map illustrates her words]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Where're the dump sites?
Penelope Garcia: One in an alley, the other in a field.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So he stapled their eyes open, then he blinded them.
[Spencer's reaction to JJ is seen and she notices it]
Derek Morgan: It's about power and control; maybe he didn't want them to watch while he hurt 'em.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Or it could be about shame; perhaps the unsub is disfigured himself. Blinding the victims leaves them helpless, lost, totally dependent; it may be a manifestation of how he sees himself in this world.
Emily Prentiss: It is a form of enucleation, just without the scalpel.
David Rossi: His face is the last they see before darkness.
Aaron Hotchner: Garcia, come up with a list of jobs that would give the unsub access to sulfuric acid. The rest of us, wheels up in 30 minutes.
[arises from seat]

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover as plane flies] If it is a miracle, any sort of evidence will answer. But if it is a fact, proof is necessary. Mark Twain.
Aaron Hotchner: Victimology is very similar. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed teenage girls.
[looks at photos]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: We believe they were each abducted near public transportation stops.
Emily Prentiss: [holds up photo] When was this photo taken?
Derek Morgan: Beth was caught on a bank surveillance camera 3 hours before she disappeared; that's a recent photo of Abby.
Emily Prentiss: So, she wasn't found in the same clothes she was abducted in.
David Rossi: Maybe he changed them because hers were burned by the sulfuric acid.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's possible. Sulfuric acid can turn human flesh into soap.
[JJ's face as Reid is talking is shown as affected due to their conflict]
Aaron Hotchner: Garcia, any recent similar cases in the surrounding area?
Penelope Garcia: [on laptop] Actually, yes. Two months ago, a prostitute and a runaway were both found raped and killed and they had stab wounds to their eyes.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So maybe he practiced on high-risk victims first.
Derek Morgan: And then advanced to chemical enucleation.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Isn't that a rare paraphilia?
Emily Prentiss: Well, the chemical part is. It would exacerbate the pain.
David Rossi: Like Ed Kemper, he's probably practicing on surrogates, before going after the real object of his rage.
Aaron Hotchner: Dave, you and I will talk to the parents. Morgan and Prentiss, go to the disposal sites. JJ, you and Reid to the abduction sites.
[JJ and Reid's faces reflect their feelings about the orders]

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Charm is quite the killer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So are tears. Whatever the ruse was, the unsub most likely used it to get her into his vehicle.

"Criminal Minds: God Complex (#8.4)" (2012)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hello.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: What's wrong?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Nothing.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Well, it's not Sunday. We talk on Sunday.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know. I, ah, just thought I'd call.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Ah, you scared me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sorry.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I thought it was an emergency.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, it's not an emergency.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Yeah? Are you sure? How are your headaches?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Good. I mean, I mean they're gone.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Yeah? Are you taking your riboflavin and the magnesium?
Dr. Spencer Reid: In equal doses and a sporadic shot of B2 like you said.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: And sleep? Are you letting your gray matter rest?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm working on it.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: What's so funny?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What? I didn't laugh.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Something's amusing you. I can hear it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You can hear my body language?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I'm a very good listener.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I guess I just... I think it's funny how we've been doing this for six months and we've never met. You know, like one Google search of me and you'll find my FBI file photo, but I have absolutely no idea what you look like. I've shaved, by the way, since then. I used to be sort of fascinated with the yeti and I thought that maybe if I...
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I don't know what you look like either.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [pause] Really?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: No. The only intimate part of you I've seen is your brain when I studied the MRI you sent me. That's when I said, this is a guy I need to get to know.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thanks. That's really nice of you to say.
[his mobile beeps]

Dr. Maeve Donovan: [Reid's mobile beeps] What happened? Something just happened?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sorry. It's work. I actually have to go.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Okay. Well, we'll talk Sunday. Be safe.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Okay. Wait. Are you being safe?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Yes. Yes, I'm being safe.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you think he knows about us?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: No. As far as I can tell he doesn't. And we need to keep it that way.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening, voiceover] Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote, "When a doctor does go wrong, he is the first of criminals. He has the nerve and he has the knowledge."

Derek Morgan: Reid, you getting a migraine?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No. No, I haven't had one of those for months, ever since I...

Dr. Spencer Reid: So I just wanted to say thank you. You really helped a lot.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I can't believe we've been able to talk this much. Three times in one week. That's a new record.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know. I like it. Maybe we could test it out. You know, talking more often.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Or not.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I have to go.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What? Why?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: No, it's nothing.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [pause] You're not the only one that can hear body language. Did I say something wrong?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I... I'm just not sure it's safe for us to talk right now.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you think it's going to be like this forever?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I don't know. It's not how I want us to be, I know that.
Dr. Spencer Reid: My team and I are really good at what we do. Why can't you just let me help you?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: No, you can't ask that.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I can help you.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this for you, because I cannot let him hurt you, because if he knew, he would...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Please don't cry. I get it. I get it, okay? This is how it has to be. I understand.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Are you still there?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Yes, I'm still here. And yes, this is how it has to be, for today, at least.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Okay. Well, guess I'll talk to you next Sunday. Bye.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Bye. Love you.

Dr. Spencer Reid: This unsub stitched the skin flap so tightly over Tony's stump that it didn't allow for proper blood flow and lead to gangrene. He's not a surgeon!
Derek Morgan: Then, what is he?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A butcher!

Dr. Spencer Reid: This doesn't make any sense, Morgan
Derek Morgan: Well, does it ever, Reid?

Dr. Spencer Reid: Garcia, is the resin biodegradable?
Penelope Garcia: As a matter of fact, yes. How is it you know everything?

Dr. Spencer Reid: [On his mobile] Garcia, I actually need something else. Can you tell me where the nearest payphone is
Penelope Garcia: Sorry?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A payphone, like a phone you pay to make phone calls on
Penelope Garcia: Oh my sweet analog Luddite! That is what your cell is for
Dr. Spencer Reid: Garcia, please
Penelope Garcia: Okay! Someone is being mysterious. Eh, that's gonna take me a second, payphones have gone the way of the Dodo birds: they don't show up on Google maps
Dr. Spencer Reid: All right, try local telecoms
Penelope Garcia: Yes I know, I'm doing that right now. And there is one 5 miles away, just texted it to your cell phone, which you can also use to call people
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thank you so much

Alex Blake: What's the deal? Something's not right, Spencer!
Dr. Spencer Reid: What do you mean? Why did you come back?
Alex Blake: Don't answer a question with a question!

Dr. Spencer Reid: [discussing one of the unsub's victims] The camera pick up anything?
Derek Morgan: He dropped him off a block away. This poor guy limped into the hospital on a leg that wasn't his.

"Criminal Minds: Zugzwang (#8.12)" (2013)
Diane Turner: Would you do that ? Would you kill yourself for her ?
[referring to Maeve]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes.

Aaron Hotchner: Then I have to ask you, how do you know she's missing?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Because we always addressed our letters to our pseudonyms.
Aaron Hotchner: And you're Dr. Joseph Bell?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The real-life inspiration for Sherlock Holmes. And that codename is how I know she's in trouble. The voice on the phone identified himself as Adam Worth. That was the American criminal that Arthur Conan Doyle based the character of Moriarty on.
Aaron Hotchner: And what did he say to you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Zugzwang. It's a chess term. It describes the point in a game when a plyer realizes he'll inevitably be checkmated. He has to decide whether to resign or play through the bitter end.
Aaron Hotchner: If you're right about this, then you're part of his victimology, too.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know. He thinks he'll get away with this, and he might. I have a wealth of knowledge I should be applying to this case. Behavioral patterns of violent stalkers, tactical recovery strategies, victim survival odds. But right now I can't focus on anything for more than four seconds at a time, which makes me the dumbest person in the room. So... Please help me. Help me find her.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening, voiceover] "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

Alex Blake: When you think of Maeve, what's the first thing that comes to mind?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thomas Merton.
Alex Blake: What about him?
Dr. Spencer Reid: In her letters, she would always sign off with a quote from one of her favorite philosophers. Camus, Voltaire, Plato. When we had the near miss at the restaurant a couple of week ago, she left me a book with a quote by Thomas Morton written inside. It said, "Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another."
Alex Blake: Then... Thomas Merton was her way of saying goodbye.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah.

Alex Blake: Did you guys ever compare lists? The different people you dated?
Dr. Spencer Reid: November 4, 3:46 p.m. I asked her if she dated a lot growing up.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: [in Reid's recollection] No way. Do you know how many Friday nights I had where it was just me and a microscope?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I thought that was just me.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Come on. Girls must have adored you in high school.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was 12. It was kind of confusing. Once I got a note from this girl I had crush on. She thought I was cute, but would meet me if I wore a blindfold. I did and she took my shirt off. That's when I heard the laughter. Most of the senior class was in there.
Alex Blake: Ah, sounds awful.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maeve thought so, too.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: When we finally meet, I'm going to make blindfolds fun again.

Aaron Hotchner: Reid, I can't let you be a part of this takedown.
Dr. Spencer Reid: We don't have a choice. If I don't go in there, Maeve is dead.
Aaron Hotchner: And if you do, you're dead.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hotch, we've known from the beginning she's on a murder-suicide mission, but we never stopped to ask why she's on that mission. We know now it's because she wants recognition, the type of recognition she thinks Maeve gets, and I can give her that.
Aaron Hotchner: How?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm gonna tell her that I love her.

Diane Turner: I was hoping you'd figure out my riddle. I mean, I knew you would. The fun was just how fast you'd do it. All this and brains, too.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It took me a long time. To be honest, I was distracted by your thesis.
Diane Turner: You read my thesis?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I did. You know, I think your writing could put you on the same plane as Jonas Salk. I've already sent it to the NIH.
Diane Turner: Flattery is not gonna get you out of this. I know what's waiting for me outsides.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I've arranged for your freedom.
Diane Turner: The federal government doesn't make deals with people like me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Not true. Nazi scientists were recruited for the Manhattan Project. Mafia Bosses are regularly put into witness protection. If what you have is valuable enough, the federal government will work with you. And what you have is very valuable.
Diane Turner: And what do I have, Doctor?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You have a brain that doesn't play by normal societal rules. And I know that all your life the people you care about the most keep leaving. There's a part of you that thinks it's because of that brain. I'm here because I'm not going to leave you. I'm here because... I just hope that I get the chance.
Diane Turner: Chance at what?
Dr. Spencer Reid: To be with you. Me for her. That was the deal, right?
Diane Turner: You're choosing me over her?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Diane, how could it be anyone else?
Diane Turner: Prove it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: All right. How?
Diane Turner: Say it again. This time say it to her face.
[takes blindfold off]
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't love you. Sorry.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I understand.

Diane Turner: I don't need her anymore.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Kill her, and she won't have to live with the fact that you're smarter. Let her live with her irrelevancy.
Diane Turner: I just want her to see one more thing.
[kisses Reid on his lips]
Diane Turner: Liar. Liar!

Dr. Spencer Reid: [to team] Stay back! Stay back! Stay back! Stay back, stay back! Diane, Diane, there's still a way out of this.
Diane Turner: You never wanted me. Never! You lied!
Dr. Spencer Reid: I didn't. Diane, I offered you a deal, and you can still take it. Me for her. Let me take her place.
Diane Turner: You would do that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes.
Diane Turner: You would kill yourself for her?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Thomas Merton.
Diane Turner: Who's Thomas Merton?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: He knows. He knows.
Diane Turner: Who's Thomas Merton? Who is he?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: He's the one thing you can never take from us.
Diane Turner: No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wait!

Penelope Garcia: [after looking up Dr.Maeve] Reid I have a picture of her. Do you want to see what she looks like?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No

Derek Morgan: All right, kid. Talk to me. I can tell you're having something up in your head. What is it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: 2,412. That's the number of hours we spent communicating, counting phone calls and letters.
Derek Morgan: All right, that's about a hundred days.
Dr. Spencer Reid: 100.5. What if that's all I get?
Derek Morgan: Well, it's not.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You can't say that.
Derek Morgan: Yes, I can. 'Cause when we find her alive, and you finally get to lay your eyes on her, what's the first thing you're gonna say to her?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A couple of months ago, we were getting off the phone and... and she said "Bye. Love you". Just like that, "bye, love you." I know it was just a slip, but...
Derek Morgan: But she said it, Reid. She said it. You didn't say it back to her, did you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was waiting for when we finally met.

"Criminal Minds: Elephant's Memory (#3.16)" (2008)
Derek Morgan: So Owen identifies with being a misunderstood loner. You know, I wish all of our unsubs would just tack their profiles on their walls like this for us.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looks at him] That doesn't mean anything. What, you grew up in Chicago, a high school jock, and you have pictures of Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan on your walls and trophies everywhere?
Derek Morgan: Yeah. But you forgot Walter Payton. Not to mention the sexy ladies of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [rushing into the briefing room] Sorry I'm late.
Dr. Spencer Reid: .
David Rossi: I hope she was worth it.
Derek Morgan: [turning to look at Reid from behind] I hope it was a she.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sorry, I was at the movies.
David Rossi: Oh, really, why don't you tell us what it was about.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, I had to leave early, so I can't really -...
[stops because of Rossi's look]

Sheriff Britt Hallum: [referring to high-school bullying] Oh, boys have a way of working these things out for themselves.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'll say: Owen's out there right now working things out with an assault rifle.

Derek Morgan: You said I was a high school jock. I was, but not at first. My freshman year, I was five foot three. I weighed a buck twenty soaking wet, so trust me when I tell you I got my ass kicked every day. So the following summer, I hit the weights. And I got lucky, I grew six inches. But it was never about vanity, Reid. It was about survival.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was in the library and, um... Harper Hillman comes up to me, and she tells me that, uh... Alexa Lisbon wants to meet me behind the field house. Alexa Lisbon's like, easily, the prettiest girl in school.
Derek Morgan: So what happened? Alexa wasn't there?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, she was there. So was the entire football team. They... stripped me naked and tied me to a goalpost. So many kids were there, you know, just watching.
Derek Morgan: Nobody tried to stop it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I begged... I begged them to, but they just... just watched. And... finally, they got bored and they left. It was like midnight when I finally got home. And my mom had... mom was having one of her episodes, so she didn't even realize I was late.
Derek Morgan: You never told her what happened?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I never told anybody. I thought... it was one of those things that I thought if I didn't talk about it, I'd just forget. But I remember it like it was yesterday.
Derek Morgan: [sighs] Oh, Reid, you don't need an eidetic memory for that. You know, we forget half of what they teach us in school, but when it comes to the torment and the people who inflicted it, we've all got an elephant's memory.

Derek Morgan: [searching Owen Savage's room] All his clothes are black.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looking in Owen's closet] Same here.
Derek Morgan: [seeing a poster of Johnny Cash] Just like his friend Johnny Cash. So Owen identifies as being a misunderstood loner. You know, I wish all our unsubs would just tack their profiles on their walls like this for us.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote, voiceover] "A sad soul can kill you quicker, far quicker than a germ." - John Steinbeck.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quote, voiceover] "We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except the memory of the smell of smoke and a presumption that once our eyes watered." - Tom Stoppard.

Derek Morgan: [walking the crime scene] Hit pattern says they were fired on full auto. Tight grouping for it. Single burst put 'em both down. That takes skill, and some serious training.
Aaron Hotchner: Letts lands here, still alive. Savage falls there dead.
Derek Morgan: But I walk past Letts, and I shoot Lou Savage in the face when I know he's already dead.
Aaron Hotchner: This was personal.
Sheriff Britt Hallum: They knew each other?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Enough to know Rod Norris would enter through the back door while smoking.
Derek Morgan: And that Lou Savage was on duty and would respond.
Sheriff Britt Hallum: So what are we talking about here?
Aaron Hotchner: This wasn't terrorism, domestic or otherwise. Terrorists rarely know their victims, at least not personally.
Sheriff Britt Hallum: Because they knew Rod Norris was a smoker who used his back door?
Derek Morgan: And shot Deputy Savage in the face at point-blank range.
Sheriff Britt Hallum: They weren't being thorough?
Derek Morgan: No. He walked past Letts, who was alive, shoots Savage in the face when he knows he's already dead. Responders were coming. That last shot was risky overkill.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Overkill means rage. Rage means a close personal relationship.

Derek Morgan: You already checked his computer?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's password encrypted
Derek Morgan: Well, smart move if your dad is a cop
Dr. Spencer Reid: Eh, assuming he cares enough to snoop
Derek Morgan: Hey Reid! Check yourself! That Sheriff out there wanted to take your head off. I think Hotch might have let him!

Dr. Spencer Reid: His life was one torment after another. His teachers gave up on him, his classmates bullied him and his father blamed him while giving him access to guns. Given these conditions you're actually quite fortunate
Deputy Bart Lawford: It sounds like you're saying these victims deserved this
Aaron Hotchner: We're not. Nobody deserves this
Dr. Spencer Reid: But you could have prevented it
Aaron Hotchner: Reid, can I talk to you?
[They walk out into another room]
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's the truth! They could have done something! They work with his father, they knew Owen
Aaron Hotchner: So what? All adolescents profile like sociopaths! There's a reason you can't diagnose them until they're 18
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, they could have seen the signs!
Aaron Hotchner: Nobody sees the signs Reid. You know that. And making it their fault is not only unfair, it's dangerous. I want you to go back to the Savage's house and I want you go through Owen's room
Dr. Spencer Reid: Morgan is already doing that
Aaron Hotchner: Yeah, and you're going to join him
Dr. Spencer Reid: Oh? You're punishing me?
Aaron Hotchner: No! I'm using you! You know this kid better than anybody. Go find us something we can use!

Aaron Hotchner: You knowingly jeopardized your life and the lifes of others! I should fire you! You're the smartest kid in the room, but you're not the only one in that room. You pull something like this again, you will be! Am I clear?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes sir. It won't happen again. Thank you
Aaron Hotchner: What were you thinking?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was thinking that would have been, ah, the second time a kid die in front of me
Aaron Hotchner: You're keeping score, just like Owen
Dr. Spencer Reid: It was my turn to save one
Aaron Hotchner: It doesn't work like that
Dr. Spencer Reid: It should
Aaron Hotchner: I know it's painful when the person you identify with is the bad guy
Dr. Spencer Reid: What does that make me?
Aaron Hotchner: Good at the job! I know it's none of my business but when we land I think you should go and catch the rest of that movie!

"Criminal Minds: True Genius (#7.11)" (2012)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy. -Dante

Patricia Cornwell: In the end, I just write about violent crime. The real heroes are the people here beside me. Now, give a warm welcome to our next speaker, Dr. Spencer Reid of the BAU.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thank you. Thanks. Patricia Cornwell, ladies and gentlemen. Ms. Cornwell will be signing books at the end of the session.
[microphone howling occurs]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sorry. Uh. Hi. I am here today to talk to you about paraphilias and their relation to violent crime. Does anybody know what dendrophilia is? Yes, a fetish for trees.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Can I get a physical copy of the online version of today's paper?
Agent Rebecca Lin: You want a printout of the online version?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah. With all the comments printed out as well, if possible, thanks.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Don't ask.

Emily Prentiss: Hey, are you gonna tell me what's up? Reid, it's me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you ever wonder if you lived up to expectations?
Emily Prentiss: I beat them. I figured I'd be a bored socialite by 25.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I thought I'd cure schizophrenia by the time I was 25. You know, when I was a kid, people told me that I could do anything.
Emily Prentiss: You're afraid you've let people down?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, I'm afraid I let myself down.
Emily Prentiss: By not curing schizophrenia?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, just because... I don't know why I'm in the FBI.
Emily Prentiss: I see. You're genius, but you have the same job as me, Morgan, JJ.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, exactly. No, that's not what I'm saying. It's just sometimes... sometimes, I kind of get this feeling like... Like maybe I should have done something more with my life.
Emily Prentiss: How old are you? 29.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm 30.
Emily Prentiss: No way. We missed your birthday? Well, why didn't you tell us? The fact of the matter is you're young. There's still time.
Dr. Spencer Reid: By the time Nicola Tesla was 30, he'd already invented the induction motor.
Emily Prentiss: You know what? You might be right. You don't hear that much about child prodigies once they grow up. In fact, most of them turn out average.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's not true. Are you trying reverse psychology with me?
Emily Prentiss: I'm just telling it like it is.

Dr. Spencer Reid: The spam had to be converted from matrix code to binary code, then switched to base eight before being translated back into letters. I can go into more detail if you want.
Aaron Hotchner: No. How smart would a person have to be to write code like that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Beyond smart. Profoundly gifted. An IQ of at least 160.
Emily Prentiss: That changes the profile, then.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The UnSub could still hold a menial or low-level job. Many believe that beyond an IQ of 120, success is determined by other factors.

Derek Morgan: What's he doing?
Dr. Spencer Reid: We've been thinking about this case too linearly. Based on the complexity of the code, it's obvious this UnSub is operating on several different levels, so we need to start thinking in multiple dimensions.

[last lines]
Emily Prentiss: Hey, Reid. Hotch wants to talk to you. What's wrong?
Dr. Spencer Reid: He probably wants to talk to me about why I've been kind of weird lately.
Emily Prentiss: You are making a difference, you know, one person at a time.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thank you. You know, I've been thinking a lot lately about why I stayed after Gideon left, why I didn't take any of those other offers.
Emily Prentiss: Nothing is accidental.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And I realized, I don't know, there's just something incredibly right about being here, with you guys.
Emily Prentiss: Well, I'm glad to hear that. Otherwise this would have been really awkward.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What would have been really awkward?
Penelope Garcia: Surprise!
Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia, Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Derek Morgan: Surprise! Happy birthday!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Happy birthday!
Penelope Garcia: Happy birthday!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thank you.
Aaron Hotchner: Do you feel like 30?
Derek Morgan: Happy birthday, old man. Happy birthday. Almost 40 now.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm getting close.

Dan Feinberg: Dr. Reid? Hey, you were fantastic up there!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thank you
Dan Feinberg: Yeah, I... I loved the names of those paraphilias. I have a new list to memorize
Dr. Spencer Reid: You like memorizing lists?
Dan Feinberg: I'm weird that way
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's not weird at all! I do it all the time

Roger Smith: [Reid is walking up to a press conference] The dates match, eh, when Zodiac stopped killing, my cousin was put in mental hospital in Mexico. He was released two month ago
Reporter: Do you have anything more specific?
Roger Smith: He was, eh, working on a production The Mikado in '68. Zodiac talked about The Mikado in a letter
Dr. Spencer Reid: Excuse me. I'm Dr. Reid with the Behavior Analysis Unit. Was your cousin by chance a fan of Wagner? Because, eh, a CD of the Tragic Overture was sent to the police this morning
Roger Smith: He loved Wagner, specially the Tragic Overture. It's him!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Oh, yeah. Well, for the record: a CD was not sent to the police this morning and the Tragic Overture was written by Brahms, not Wagner. So luckily, I guess it's not your cousin!
[Into the TV camera]
Dr. Spencer Reid: The FBI would greatly appreciate if people would stop making false claims to get their 15 minutes of fame. Thank you. Thank you very much

Aaron Hotchner: Reid, how is it going?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Computers slow me down, so I prefer paper, but I wasn't expecting all these comments. Where do people find the time?

"Criminal Minds: L.D.S.K. (#1.6)" (2005)
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Well, I wouldn't have kept kicking you, I was afraid you didn't get my plan.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I got your plan the minute you moved the hostages out of my line of fire.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Well, I hope I didn't hurt you too badly.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hotch, I was a twelve-year-old child prodigy in a Las Vegas public high school. You kick like a nine-year-old girl.

[discussing carrying firearms]
Dr. Spencer Reid: You're just saying that to convince me I don't need to carry a gun.
Jason Gideon: I don't care if you carry a gun or not. The deadliest weapon we have is a thorough and accurate profile.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Of course, you believe that.
Jason Gideon: The footpath killer had a shotgun to the back of my head. I'm here, he's not.

Elle Greenaway: What do we call them then?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: L.D.S.K.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Long Distance Serial Killers.
Elle Greenaway: How many of these guys have we caught using a profile?
Jason Gideon: None.

Jason Gideon: This is gonna hit you. And when it does, there are only three facts you need to remember. You did what you had to do, and a lot of good people are alive because of what you did.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's the third?
Jason Gideon: I'm proud of you.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Look at me. Without a gun I look like a teacher's assistant!

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [after Reid has shot Dowd in the middle of his forehead] Nice shot!
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was aiming for his leg.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Hotch told me that when he came to the BAU, you told him he didn't need a gun to kill somebody?
Jason Gideon: Well, the only truly effective weapon we have is our ability to do the one thing they can't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Which is what?
Jason Gideon: Empathize. They dehumanize their victims, we humanize the killers.

Jason Gideon: I believe it's a case of hero homicide.
Detective Shea Clavin: What's that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The best-known case was hospital nurse Richard Angelo. He would inject toxins into his victims, then wait for them to crash so that he could run to the rescue and save them. He killed twenty-five people, and that's just that we know of.
Detective Shea Clavin: If he attacked 'em to save 'em, why'd he kill twenty-five people?
Jason Gideon: Wasn't very good at it.

Jason Gideon: Sometimes it's not what the unsub does that reveals the profile. Sometimes it is what they do not do.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He doesn't kill his victims.
Jason Gideon: Underkill's a unique signature.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: The question is does he shoot them in the stomach intentionally just to wound them, or is he just aiming at the biggest part of the target? Specifically, does the unsub lack the skill to make the head shot, or simply the will to take it?

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: When I joined the BAU, Gideon said to me: "You don't have to carry a gun to kill someone"
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't get it
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: You will!

"Criminal Minds: Conflicted (#4.20)" (2009)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: National media's picked up on the story. We're gonna need to make a statement when we land.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We want to make people aware without obviously causing panic.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Stress hyper-vigilance, the whole buddy system. Yeah, I'm all over it. I just don't think anyone's gonna listen.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What do you mean?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Come on, drunk college students don't exactly want to hear they shouldn't talk to strangers.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Right.
[goes to sit]
Emily Prentiss: [to Garcia on the webcam] Was there any DNA left on the scene?
Penelope Garcia: Uh, yeah. Too *much* DNA. This portion of The Garcia Show will be brought to you by the letter "I" for icky. The lab has recovered over a hundred different trace samples as multiple guests create a cesspool of DNA. Also, there is no way to determine the exact time of "secretion" or to eliminate anyone actually working at the hotel.

Adam Jackson: Hey, can I ask you a question?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah.
Adam Jackson: Um... you've seen bad stuff right?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I have. Yeah.
Adam Jackson: How long before you can close your eyes without it being there?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [long pause] I'm afraid I still don't know.

Adam Jackson: We've been friends since I was just a kid.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Are you lovers?
Adam Jackson: [scoffs] No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well then why does she pay for everything you have?
Adam Jackson: It's not like it's a hand out. I'm working at the hotel so I can pay her back.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Does she pay for the drugs also?
Adam Jackson: I - I told you, I get migraines.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So, take a prescription.
Adam Jackson: I thought you were different.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What does that mean?

Dr. Spencer Reid: Stephen King once said- "Monsters are real. Ghosts are real, too. They live inside us and sometimes, they win."

Derek Morgan: Talk to me. What is this?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Tobias Hankel.
Derek Morgan: Tobias Hankel drugged and tortured you for two days. He almost killed you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, the altered persona of his father did those things to me. The real Tobias Hankel saved my life. He brought me back from the dead.
Derek Morgan: So you think because of Tobias, somehow you owe Adam?

Dr. Spencer Reid: We've taken the victim into custody and let the abuser go free, I don't really, I don't see that as much of a win.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. Terry Pratchett.

Dr. Ticona Roberts: How are you feeling today?
Amanda: You let me smoke. What more can I ask for?
Dr. Ticona Roberts: Most patients have a hard time coping with new surroundings.
Amanda: They probably believe they'll be released. I'm not so naive.
Dr. Ticona Roberts: You don't believe you'll be getting out?
Amanda: Would you let me out?
Dr. Ticona Roberts: I'd like to talk about Adam. He's still missing.
Amanda: So I've heard.
Dr. Ticona Roberts: Will you help us find him?
Amanda: No.
Dr. Ticona Roberts: Why not? What more do you need to hide?
Amanda: I'm not hiding anything. And I think the better question would be what are you looking for... Dr. Reid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [approaching from the shadows] I think you know what I'm looking for.
Amanda: I want to hear you say it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I am looking for Adam.
Amanda: Just because you caught me doesn't mean you'll find him. You're not that smart.
Dr. Spencer Reid: This isn't about being smart. This is about doing the right thing.
Amanda: I did the right thing.

Amanda: Tell me, Dr. Reid, how long will you keep visiting me in here?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Until I find Adam.
Amanda: Why do you care?
Dr. Spencer Reid: He deserves a life. It's his.
Amanda: So you're trying to... wear me down and release him?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No. I'm just waiting for you to do the right thing.
Amanda: Well, I'm afraid you'll be waiting for a very long time.

Derek Morgan: Where are we?
David Rossi: Honestly? Nowhere. We just watched our two most viable suspects walk out the door.
Emily Prentiss: If Adam isn't our unsub, he has all the makings to become one someday.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Reid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Tell me the question that he spiked under in the polygraph.
Derek Morgan: It was a control question to set the baseline.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It was a geometric equation?
Derek Morgan: Reid, I really think he was just intimidated. He tried, he got it wrong, but he wasn't supposed to know the answer anyway.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What if he lied? What if... what if he knew the answer to the question but intentionally got it wrong?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Why would he do that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Because he realized that he wouldn't know that answer.
Derek Morgan: You're losing me, kid.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Adam said he wasn't getting any rest. He takes midday naps because he's always exhausted. He has a history of blackouts, reclusive behavior, prolonged repeated abuse suffered at the hands of a dominant male who transferred abuse from his female spouse to his prepubescent child.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Where are you going with this?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What if our ubsub couple isn't a couple at all?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Dissociative identity disorder.
David Rossi: You think Adam's a multiple personality?
Emily Prentiss: Well, it fits. Recurrent physical abuse, knowledge he shouldn't have. We've seen this before.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Look at this. All right? The-the first intervention is timid. It's apprehensive, right? But then he gets knocked down... there's a moment of calm, and then his entire body language changes. I saw this exact same transformation when Adam left the station, only it wasn't rage, it was, uh... arrogance. Like... like the alter ego wanted me to know.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Why?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know. Power, control. All I know is the person that stared me down over there was not Adam. He's not assertive like that. He doesn't make eye contact.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So you think the stress of the interrogation blurred the line between Adam and his alter personality?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think the unsub surfaced for just a moment. It-it-it knew the answer to the question, realized Adam wouldn't, and lied.

"Criminal Minds: Somebody's Watching (#1.18)" (2006)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do I look twelve years old to you?
Jason Gideon: Fourteen?

Lila Archer: [Reid and Lila are looking at art] Does it make you feel anything?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Like what?
Lila Archer: I can't tell you what to feel.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Right now I feel pretty good.

Lila Archer: [Lila takes a sip of Reid's soda] You don't mind sharing with me, do you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No.
[Lila takes off her robe. She is wearing a bikini underneath. Reid stares at her as she walks away]
Derek Morgan: You don't mind sharing with me, do you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Shut up!

Lila Archer: You don't like me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No! I do...
Lila Archer: I like you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I like you, too. It's just I'm a... I'm a federal agent, you know? I'm supposed to protect you.
Lila Archer: Then keep me close.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Hey, Morgan? Has there ever been a girl that you wanted to be with for, you know, more than just one night?
Derek Morgan: Excuse me?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I've never seen you with the same girl twice.
Derek Morgan: What, are you calling me a dog?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, no, not at all. I'm just trying to figure out if this feeling I have is ever gonna go away.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Lila, I'm begging of you. Will you please get out of the pool?
Lila Archer: Really, Spence, you should live a little.
Dr. Spencer Reid: "Live a little"? I've known you forty-eight hours, I feel like I've already aged ten years!

Aaron Hotchner: With this unsub, we're looking at a compound profile: a Type-4 delusional assassin with an erotomanic fixation on the actress Lila Archer.
Derek Morgan: Erotomanics are a form of stalker who possess the delusional belief that another person, usually of a higher social status, is in love with them.
Elle Greenaway: In the United States, at any given time, there are over 200,000 people being stalked. Our unsub is having a fantasy love affair with Lila Archer, the way John Hinckley did with Jodie Foster.
Aaron Hotchner: Ms. Archer was not aware of her stalker until yesterday. He wasn't trying to impress her. He was more likely an unwanted, very violent guardian angel.
Jason Gideon: When the stalker feels as if they've been in some way betrayed by their love object, this often leads to violence against the target.
Dr. Spencer Reid: In the case of John Robert Bardo, when actress Rebecca Schaeffer took a role where she had to have a sexual relationship with another character, it was enough to force him to snap and seek her out to kill her.
Aaron Hotchner: Though stalkers can be either male or female, it's most likely we're looking for a single male, a loner, in his late twenties to early forties, very intelligent, with ample time to follow his victim and study her habits.
Dr. Spencer Reid: As of yet, the unsub has not directed any violence towards Ms. Archer. But he has shifted his focus from those around her to her directly.
Jason Gideon: This doesn't preclude the fact that anyone who has the vaguest association with Ms. Archer is a potential target.

Lila Archer: Hi, I'm Lila
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hi, I am, eh, Doctor Spencer Reid. Ehm, I'm Spencer. You don't have to call me doctor
Lila Archer: I won't!

Dr. Spencer Reid: [At a crime scene] Gideon, there people actually taking photographs of us from the next yard!
Detective Owen Kim: Welcome to LA!

Elle Greenaway: From all the evidence that we've gathered, we believe you're looking for a type 4 assassin
Detective Owen Kim: Type 4?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Type 1's are political assassins, like John Wilkes Booth. Type 2's are egocentric looking for simple recognition
Aaron Hotchner: Type 3's are psychopaths, cold blooded killers who leave far messier scenes. And type 4, our unsub, suffers from a major mental disorder and as frequently delusional

"Criminal Minds: The Popular Kids (#1.10)" (2005)
[Reid is pouring piles of sugar into his coffee]
Derek Morgan: Easy there tough guy. Have some coffee with your sugar.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I need something to wake me up.
Derek Morgan: Ooh, late night?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Very.
Derek Morgan: My man!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Not that kind of late night!

Derek Morgan: So tell me, what does keep young Dr. Reid awake at night? Wait, let me guess. Memorizing some obscure textbook? No, no, no. Working on cold fusion? No, I got it, I got it, I got it. Watching Star Trek and laughing at the physics mistakes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, there aren't that many scientific errors in Star Trek. Especially considering how long ago it was made. There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors.
Derek Morgan: Right.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Melted wax?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Candle wax?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Candles are used in rituals.
Jason Gideon: They're also used on birthday cakes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, they were originally used to protect the birthday celebrant from demons for the coming year. As a matter of fact, down to the fourth century, Christianity rejected the birthday celebration as a Pagan ritual.
Sheriff Bridges: What kind of a doctor are you?

[Morgan just saved Reid from a teenaged unsub who had a gun pointed at Reid's head]
Dr. Spencer Reid: What happened?
[As he pins the unsub to the ground]
Derek Morgan: Him bringing us down here was way too much of a coincidence.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, I got that. Did you have to tackle us both?
Derek Morgan: You're welcome Reid.

Deputy Harris: You guys need anything?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Coffee would be nice.
Derek Morgan: He takes about a quart of sugar in it.

Jason Gideon: Are there any cults in the area that you know about? Secret groups, people you see you don't know much about, people who stay to themselves mostly.
Sheriff Bridges: This is a very religious area, church on Sundays, fellowship on Wednesday, bible classes. If there was a secret group I'd probably know about it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's an inherent contradiction.
Sheriff Bridges: Excuse me?
Jason Gideon: He means if there was a group being secretive you probably wouldn't know.

Aaron Hotchner: Contrary to popular belief, there has never been a proven case of satanic ritual killing. Never a verified human sacrifice. Having said that, there have been isolated cases of animal sacrifice... and many, many cases of vandalism in the name of Satan.
Derek Morgan: Now, that doesn't mean that ritual satanism is impossible. And more importantly, for our purposes, there have been cults that killed, just not in ritual fashion.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The reverend Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple... his followers killed a U.S. Congressman and three people before committing mass suicide, leaving over nine hundred people dead. And, perhaps, the most widely-known of the killer cults: the Manson Family, under the direction of Charles Manson, killed nine people in a four day period in an attempt to initiate a race war.
Elle Greenaway: Killer cults do exist, and they all have one thing in common: invariably, they're headed by charismatic megalomaniacs.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You're looking for that leader. He's who will stand out. He'll be memorable to somebody; people who aren't in his group will see him as strange, weird, scary.
Aaron Hotchner: Since we're dealing with professed satanists, which is often practiced by younger males, we may be looking for teenagers. Heavy metal music is often associated with satanism, and these kids and their leader may reflect that in their look.
Derek Morgan: Most likely, there'll be sex, drugs, and alcohol. Now, the leader, he'll be older. It's part of his charm.
Aaron Hotchner: And he is from this area. He's definitely local.
Elle Greenaway: These woods are too thick and confusing for a visitor to get around in.
Sheriff Bridges: You think one of our own people is doing this?
Aaron Hotchner: We're sure of it.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Morgan. You knew I didn't want you to tell Hotch about my nightmares.
Derek Morgan: Reid, that's something they need to know about.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What do you mean "they"?
Derek Morgan: Hotch and Gideon.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You told Gideon, too?
Derek Morgan: Yeah. And it's okay, kid.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well, wh... what if they think I can't do my job? What if... what if they want to pull me off the team?
Derek Morgan: They won't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Oh, yeah? How do you know that?
Derek Morgan: [frustrated sigh] I just do.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You had no right, man. I... I confided in you. This is... you know, this is exactly what I get when I trust someone. It gets thrown back in my face.
Derek Morgan: Mine started six months after I got into the BAU. Yeah. Mine. We were working a strangler case in Montana. Four victims. Me, I was still pretty young at the time, so, you know, I was feeling myself. I was cocky, I was arrogant. The locals, they didn't have anything, so I stepped up. I said 'I can nail down a profile for you just as soon as I get what I need.'
Dr. Spencer Reid: More victims.
Derek Morgan: Mm-hmm. She was found the next day. So I went down to the scene to do my thing. And I was looking over the body, that's when I saw them. Her eyes, Reid. They were wide open. And there was something different about them, it was like they were looking right at *me*. Like she knew. I asked for a victim; well, here she was. That's when they started for me. Night after night, I would fall asleep, and I would see those eyes. They were dead eyes. Accusing eyes. And it got to the point where it was happening even when I wasn't asleep. Reid, everywhere I went, I saw those eyes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What'd you do?
Derek Morgan: Gideon. He knew. I didn't tell him. I was like you, I didn't want anybody to know. He just... he knew. And he sat me down and he... he just kind of talked me through it. I still have the nightmares to this day, just not nearly as often. But when they come back, I know how to handle them better.

[last lines]
Jason Gideon: Reid. Deborah Louise Addison. Her husband Tim. Kids are Amber and Keith. Eight and six. 1985, Deborah Louise was walking home from school. She was abducted. She was 13. We profiled the unsub, and we were able to locate her before he harmed her. She writes a letter to the BAU every year. She updates us on her life.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's nice, but...
Jason Gideon: We all have bad dreams. Everyone on the plane. Who wouldn't? We hunt the worst of humanity, we see the depths of depravity, we dream of monsters.
Dr. Spencer Reid: In my dream, there's a baby in the middle of a circle, and there's, uh, someone on the other side. And I can't get to her before...
Jason Gideon: Every night, I look at Deborah. Helps me... helps me go to sleep thinking of the victims we've saved. We don't always beat the monsters to the babies, but we do enough to make the job worth it, keep the nightmares bearable.

"Criminal Minds: Hero Worship (#10.14)" (2015)
Dr. Spencer Reid: What are you doing?
David Rossi: Moving my rook.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you even know how to play chess?
David Rossi: Who do you think Gideon played with before he met you?

David Rossi: [*seeing Reid is playing chess with himself*] Again?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh - it helps me focus.
David Rossi: You know, in light of recent events, I think it's ok to give yourself a break.
David Rossi: An entire night, though.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What do you mean?
David Rossi: You're wearing the same shirt from yesterday, and you're covering it with a cardigan from your go bag.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Guess I must have gotten a little carried away last night.
David Rossi: Well, it happens.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote] "The most heroic word in all languages is revolution" - Eugene Debs

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quote] "True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It's not the urge to surpass others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost" - Arthur Ashe

David Rossi: Reid? Are you working late?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Just, ah, waiting for rushhour to subside. A lot of close personal contact on the subway right now
David Rossi: It's 10 o'clock, trains have been empty for a while! Go home! The chess will keep till tomorrow

Derek Morgan: TNT doesn't pack much bang for its buck. It'd be pretty hard to hide the amount needed to cause the damage ta that coffeehouse
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's like page 118.
[Derek looks surprised]
Dr. Spencer Reid: The Anarchist Cook Book, TNT for Dummies?

Derek Morgan: How the hell did we beat the bomb squad here?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I could give you the statistics, but I don't think this is the time

Derek Morgan: Now he's graduated to nitroglycerine
Dr. Spencer Reid: Page 113

David Rossi: You're ever going to finish this game?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a tough one. Playing yourself can be difficult
David Rossi: Playing a ghost even more so! He's gone Spencer. Keeping the game going won't change that
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know. I just thought that... maybe I can keep part of him alive if his last game never ended
David Rossi: Neither side will ever win playing like this
Dr. Spencer Reid: He hated goodbyes
David Rossi: Gideon also hated unfinished business, so let's finish it!

"Criminal Minds: Plain Sight (#1.4)" (2005)
Jason Gideon: You havin' fun?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [dully] Yes. Definitely. I'm definitely having fun.
Jason Gideon: Make a wish?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Can I take this hat off?
Jason Gideon: I wouldn't.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Hey, Spence. First piece for the birthday boy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [to Gideon] Do you know she's the only person in the whole world who calls me 'Spence.'

Dr. Spencer Reid: You should see what comes up when you type "death" into a search engine.
Derek Morgan: [laughs] Reid, no wonder you can't get a date.

Jason Gideon: There's someone else on the plane that's a huge Skins fan.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Who?
Jason Gideon: The only person in the world who calls you 'Spence.'

Derek Morgan: I hate not having a plan. We're looking for a needle in a haystack.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, it's more like we're looking for a needle in a pile of needles.
Derek Morgan: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A needle would stand out in a haystack.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you think it's weird that I knew that ballad?
Elle Greenaway: Reid, I don't know how you know half the stuff you know, but I'm glad you do.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you think that's why I can't get a date?
Elle Greenaway: Have you ever asked anyone?
[Reid shifts his eyes]
Elle Greenaway: That's why you can't get a date.

Derek Morgan: Why the Tommy Killer?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: You know the rock opera? Well, this unsub glues his victim's eyes wide open.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He wants them to see him.
Jason Gideon: And feel him.

Jason Gideon: The unsub brought his weapons with him. Tape, glue, wire. He did not leave them at the scene. Took them when he left. He has a kind of killing kit that he carries.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Organized killers usually have a skilled job, likely technology related, which may involve the use of the hands. The crime scenes are far enough apart that he needs a vehicle. This will be well-kept, obsessively clean, as will be his home. He's diurnal, the attacks occurred during the day, so the vehicle may be related to his work, possibly a company car or truck.
Derek Morgan: We believe he watches the victims for a time, learns the rhythms of the home, knows his time frame.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: You're not gonna catch him accidentally.
Jason Gideon: He destroys symbols of wealth in the victims' homes. He harbors envy of and hatred toward people of a higher social class. He feels invisible around them.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, class is the theme of the poem which he left at the various crime scenes. At one point in the poem, the woman attempts to bribe Death, but he doesn't accept it. He says this is the one moment when riches mean nothing. When Death comes, poor and the rich are exactly alike.
Captain Griffith: So, he's poor.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Probably middle-class. A decidedly lower-class person would stick out in a highly patrolled neighborhood. This guy appears to, uh, belong there. He blends in.
Detective Cornelius Martin: Why does he glue the eyes open?
Elle Greenaway: The unsub is an exploitative rapist. Most rape victims close their eyes during the attack, turn their heads. For some rapists, this ruins the fantasy. For this type of rapist, the goal is more related to the victim watching him than the act itself.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: The verses, the staging, the aggressive language, "I am death", this is a guy who, while being in control of the crime scene, almost certainly feels inadequate in the rest of his life.
Jason Gideon: That's why he couldn't wait for you to figure out what he'd done. Why he needed to make sure all his crimes were counted. His victims, they represent whatever it is that's controlling him, and he wants that control back. He is under the thumb of a powerful woman who frightens him. And a final point: He is white.
Captain Griffith: We have witnesses that identify him as a black male.
Jason Gideon: The attacker was black. He is not the Tommy Killer.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Mrs. Gordon's husband came home at the same time that he always does. The Tommy Killer would've known that.
Elle Greenaway: And Mrs. Gordon's attacker wore a ski mask. The unsub knows when he walks into a house, he's going to kill the woman who lives there. If you're not leaving any witnesses, why wear a ski mask?
Derek Morgan: And he wants the victims to see him anyway.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Your attempted rapist is a garden-variety, disorganized young man.
Elle Greenaway: As the victim's age goes up, generally the attacker's age goes down. Mrs. Gordon is about 60, which puts her rapist at about 20.

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: We're going to San Diego
Dr. Spencer Reid: Not for the surfing, huh?

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Reading poems the unsub left behind] "My name is Death! Have you not heard of me? You may as well be..."
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Creepy, huh?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A... Actually conversations between Death and his victims was a... a fairly popular literary and artistic theme throughout the Renaissance.
[Seeing JJ frowning]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, creepy!

"Criminal Minds: Amplification (#4.24)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Reid is being cleaned by a bio hazard team] I'm about to get naked so they can scrub me down. You sure that's something you wanna see?

Dr. Spencer Reid: [wakes up in hospital] Are you eating jello?
Derek Morgan: Hey kid.
[to the hallway]
Derek Morgan: Hey, Doc. He's awake.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [to Morgan] Is there any *more* jello?

Dr. Spencer Reid: [anxiously] Hotch, I really messed up this time.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quotation, voiceover] "It will become fine dust over all the land of Egypt, and will become boils breaking out with sores on man and beast through all the land of Egypt." - Exodus 9:9.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quotation, voiceover] "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it." - Helen Keller.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [entering the BAU office] Case must be local. JJ said not to bring a go bag.
Derek Morgan: What's the Army doing here?
Emily Prentiss: What the hell is going on?

Jennifer Jareau: Last night, twenty-five people checked into emergency rooms in and around Annapolis. They were all at the same park after 2 p.m. yesterday. Within ten hours, the first victim died. It's now just past 7 a.m. the next day. We have twelve dead.
Derek Morgan: Lung failure and black lesions. Anthrax?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Anthrax doesn't kill this fast.
Dr. Linda Kimura: This strain does.
Emily Prentiss: What are we doing about potential mass targets - airports, malls, trains?
Aaron Hotchner: There's a media blackout.
Emily Prentiss: We're not telling the public?
Derek Morgan: We'd have a mass exodus.
David Rossi: The psychology of group panic would cause more deaths than this last attack.

Dr. Spencer Reid: What's causing the aphasia?
Dr. Linda Kimura: The poison is affecting the parietal lob, impairing her speech. Some of the other patients displayed the same symptoms, shortly before they died
Dr. Spencer Reid: None of the drug combinations are working?
Dr. Linda Kimura: The only thing that is helping them right now is morphine

Dr. Linda Kimura: Feels like the plagues of Egypt
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ten Scourges created by God. Plague six was unhealable boils, believed by biblical scholars to be caused by anthrax
Dr. Linda Kimura: Never missed Sunday school, did you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, never been before

"Criminal Minds: Alchemy (#8.20)" (2013)
David Rossi: How many small-town newspapers do you subscribe to?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thirty-eight. It used to be more, but a lot of them disappeared.
David Rossi: You mean went digital.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Same thing.

David Rossi: You haven't been sleeping, have you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I can't. There's too much work to do.

David Rossi: Reid, you okay?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah. There's no shortage of enemies to the logging industry, from climate change environmentalists to animal rights activists. Native Americans with longstanding territory disputes.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Solanine is a potent toxin and hallucinogen that comes from a black nightshade plant. The unripe berries were used in the Middle Ages for torture. The effect it has is like a bad acid trip.
David Rossi: That's not fun. Trust me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: More recently it's been used in small doses for asthma.

David Rossi: Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Sal? He liked to fix up old cars. When my Aunt Rosie died, he bought a 1947 Buick. Well, it was a piece of junk, really, but he was obsessed with it. He'd work on it day and night, forgetting to eat, until it was a thing of beauty. Then one day, it got stolen. When the cops found it, it had been completely vandalized. Uncle Sal was devastated. Never recovered. He died about a year later.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm sorry about your uncle.
David Rossi: I'm sorry about Maeve. So, how long has it been now? Four months?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Three months and 15 days.
David Rossi: That's why you're not sleeping. This can't go on.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I realize that the socially acceptable amount of time to wallow in grief is coming to an end, and...
David Rossi: That's not what I mean. You wallow as long as you need, but talk to someone.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I feel like there are two types of people in this world, Rossi. The ones that get over their grief and move on, and the ones that descend into some sort of endless misery.
David Rossi: I know how you feel. Give it time.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How much time? I thought by coming to work every day and helping other people, the pain would lessen, but it hasn't.
David Rossi: Compartmentalization works only so long. Don't be like Uncle Sal.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know that I remember every single word we ever said to each other?
David Rossi: Finally, the downside to an eidetic memory. Listen, Spencer. If you want to feel better, you can't control the process. You have to let yourself grieve.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm not sleeping because when I do, I dream of Maeve. And when I see her, I feel the sweetest relief imaginable. She always asks me to dance, but I can't because I don't know how to dance, and because I never even got to touch her when she was alive. I know if I give into that fantasy, I'll be lost forever, so I force myself to wake up. Is that part of normal healing?

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing, voiceover] J.R.R. Tolkien wrote, "I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil."

David Rossi: It's alchemy. Alchemy turns common metals into precious ones. Dreams work the same way. Turning something awful into... something better.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know. I'd like to believe that, but...
David Rossi: Just think about it. No. Better yet, don't think. Just let it happen, Spencer. I'm gonna get some shuteye. You should, too.

Waiter: May I take your order, sir?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Um, I'll have a double espresso.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: And I'll have a non-fat latte. Fancy meeting you here.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hi.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Hi. Did you know Sir Arthur Conan Doyle probably sat right here drinking his coffee about 130 years ago?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think he probably drank tea. You know, given his comment that the tea fields of Ceylon are as true a monument to courage as is the lion at Waterloo.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Spencer...
Dr. Spencer Reid: And this is Oxford. Didn't Sir Arthur Conan Doyle go to school at the University of Edinburgh?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Are you gonna argue with everything I say?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, of course not.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: You know, there is such a thing as too much logic.
[music starts]
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Dance with me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Why?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I want to hold you once before I'm a ghost of a memory.

Penelope Garcia: [Presenting at the team briefing] ... but he's not the first victim. The first victim...
[pressing a button on the remote, nothing happens]
Penelope Garcia: Oh, squeeze it! It gets stuck... sometimes. Do you want me to take over?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I got it
[presses hard, pictures get distorted]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, maybe you're better
Penelope Garcia: [Takes over the remote from Reid] I have to memorize it, so I don't have to look at the gross!

"Criminal Minds: Divining Rod (#7.21)" (2012)
Derek Morgan: What do we got, baby girl?
Penelope Garcia: Thank you, sir. We have a killing in Enid, Oklahoma. And not... the capital punishment one you are thinking of right now. I'm talking about a woman named Cara Smith, who was murdered in her apartment minutes after the execution of Rodney Garrett.
Aaron Hotchner: A neighbor saw her front door open and discovered the body.
David Rossi: Look familiar?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Young, pretty, short blonde hair.
David Rossi: And stabbed directly through the heart.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's exactly the way Garrett killed his victims.
Derek Morgan: So are we looking at a copycat?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Or someone creating doubt the right person was executed.
David Rossi: In Garrett's case, there was no doubt. His guilt was the slam dunk of all slam dunks. Prints, DNA, a confession.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He even led police to where he buried two of his victims.
Emily Prentiss: Garrett killed twenty-five women before he was caught. If this new unsub is a copycat, body count's just started.

Emily Prentiss: [browsing through mail Garrett received in prison] Get a load of this one. "Dear Mr. Garrett, it took a lot of courage to do what you did. Most people are cowards and don't do what they feel inside them. You are an inspiration, and I applaud you."
Emily Prentiss: "I applaud you."
David Rossi: These are supposed to be the non-wacko letters.
Penelope Garcia: Hey, guess what? JJ's genius has struck again. That hunch about the hair was right. I'm sending you an ATM image of Cara Smith. She's the first victim. This was taken ten hours before her murder. Check it.
Detective Childers: The unsub cut her hair, too.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, there could be a sexual element involved. Trichophilia is a fetish where one becomes aroused by the removal of hair.
Derek Morgan: Well either way, it's starting to look less like a copycat. The unsub's deviating too much from Garrett's M.O. Garrett never took trophies.

Emily Prentiss: [Prentiss has bid on a house for sale] I can't believe I'm doing it. I mean, it's probably not gonna work out anyway, right? There are five other sealed bids, and I offered way below what the owners are asking.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Uh huh. Sounds to me like someone's hoping they don't get it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Orthophobia: fear of owning personal property.
Emily Prentiss: No, I don't have a fear of owning stuff. Turn me loose in a shoe store, I'll prove that. My fear is personal property that weighs three hundred tons.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, depending on materials used, square footage, and horizontal versus vertical construction, the average house only weighs about sixty tons.
Emily Prentiss: [sarcastically] Well, thanks for that, Reid. I feel light as a bird already.

Derek Morgan: Hey, say it like you mean it, baby.
Penelope Garcia: Yon know, I'm gonna. So, if you look in the dictionary, the word "normal," you will see Cara Smith. College student, well-liked, straight A's, English lit. major. Speaking of which, I just got a transcript of Rodney Garrett's last words, hot off the press, and a gold star to the first person who can identify the source of this. "She comes like fullest moon on happy night. Taper of waist..."
Dr. Spencer Reid: "With shape of magic might." It's from *The Thousand and One Nights*. Not the exact translation that I would have used, but it's got its own merits.
Emily Prentiss: And in a shocking non-upset, we have a winner.
David Rossi: Garrett was sixth-grade dropout. An unlikely guy to be quoting from a Harvard Classic.

David Rossi: I never could do that.
Emily Prentiss: Do what?
David Rossi: Take a nap. Never felt natural.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm actually wide awake, but for future reference, polyphasic sleep is completely natural, quite common in the animal world, and highly beneficial.

Emily Prentiss: There was definitely something a little strange about her.
Aaron Hotchner: It's curious, one woman at the center of two serial killers.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah, what are the odds of that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Astronomical. Removing from the calculations serial killer groupies...
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Sorry I asked.
Derek Morgan: You know, whether she knew it or not, maybe Helen Garrett did give Dylan something. I mean, someone once said that every seed, even malignant ones, they won't grow unless they get water from someplace.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Investigation the latest victim] Hey Spence, look at this
Dr. Spencer Reid: What is it?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I mean, this... this girl obviously cares about her appearance, I mean, she's fit and her nails are perfectly done, but look at her hair! It's uneven
Dr. Spencer Reid: Could it maybe be a fashion statement? You know: bad on purpose?

Aaron Hotchner: He's killed at 6 AM, noon and 6 PM
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know about you guys, but I not feeling so good about the stroke of midnight!

"Criminal Minds: Unfinished Business (#1.15)" (2006)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Guys, we are about to meet Max Ryan, the guy responsible for catching the Boise Child Killer. Have you ever talked to him before?
Aaron Hotchner: He's pretty intense. Brusque, not much of a bedside manner.
Elle Greenaway: Sound like anyone else we know?
Derek Morgan: I heard he was forced into early retirement.
Aaron Hotchner: No, he chose to retire.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's written a new book on the Keystone Killer case.
Aaron Hotchner: He moved to Philadelphia to be closer to the crime scenes.
Elle Greenaway: That's retirement?
Derek Morgan: BAU style.

Dr. Spencer Reid: What do you think of Ryan?
Aaron Hotchner: He hasn't changed much.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think we can learn a lot from him.
Aaron Hotchner: What could you possibly learn that you don't already know?

Max Ryan: Did Jason ever tell you about the time that he found the Director's itinerary in a bomber's car?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What? What?
Jason Gideon: Max, come on.
Derek Morgan: No, no, he never said anything.
Max Ryan: Well, let me fill you in, then. We had this bomber case; it was one of Jason's first. So we had him go over and search the bomber's car, which was in the Quantico garage. Except for me and the guys had planted this piece of paper that had all these times and locations of where the FBI Director was gonna be over the next forty-eight hours. Anyway, Jason takes one look at this piece of paper, and before we could stop him, he takes off, runs up twenty-five flights of stairs to the Director's office, barges in.
Derek Morgan: [laughing] Get out of here!
Max Ryan: Interrupting a meeting with the Attorney General himself.
Derek Morgan: [slapping Gideon's knee] Yeah!
Jason Gideon: The Director didn't find it very funny.
Max Ryan: He was the only one who didn't.

Dr. Spencer Reid: What do you think of Ryan?
Aaron Hotchner: He hasn't changed much.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think we can learn a lot from him.
Aaron Hotchner: What could you possibly learn that you don't already know?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hotch, repetitive thinking is the death nail for the brain. For complete brain usage, diverse stimulation is the key.

Max Ryan: [reading a note] "In order for the light to shine so brightly, darkness must be present"
Jason Gideon: It's quoting Sir Francis Bacon now
Max Ryan: I used this specific quote...
Dr. Spencer Reid: In your book on page 184. I, eh, read it on the plane
Max Ryan: And you remembered the page number on that quote?
Derek Morgan: Don't ask!

Dr. Spencer Reid: Guys, I have a name!
Elle Greenaway: [tries to read what Reid has circled] Nibrahs... that's a name? From which country?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's backwards

Dr. Spencer Reid: He strangled 7 women in the 1980's, stopped for 18 years and began again, suffocating. 10% of all violent crime are caused by strangulation. It only takes 11 pounds of pressure to fully incapacitate your victim and if you hang on for at least 50 seconds they will never recover

Dr. Spencer Reid: Accidents? In America someone is involved in a car accident once every 10 seconds!

"Criminal Minds: Persuasion (#9.17)" (2014)
David Rossi: *
[stepping into storm drain water]
David Rossi: * Uh, remind me to call my shoemaker. I'm going to need a new pair of boots.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You have a shoemaker?
David Rossi: Well, one thing I've learned in life. A good pair of shoes can last longer than a marriage. You only have to pay for them once.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote] "The secret of my influence has always been that it remains secret" - Salvador Dali

Derek Morgan: The woman killed yesterday was wearing a uniform. She could have been a waitress or maid
Dr. Spencer Reid: There are 93 hotels in Las Vegas, 260 motels and inns, 1510 basr and 2996 restaurants, not to mention nearby Summerlin, which is growing popularity

Alex Blake: That means she was probably a tourist though
Dr. Spencer Reid: Last year Las Vegas documented 39,727,022 vistors

Alex Blake: 2 out of 10 again. But this is the third victim that we know about, so it can't be about a hit list
Dr. Spencer Reid: 2 out of 10 isn't a countdown at all. I think he might be referring to a hobo code
Alex Blake: From the Great Depression?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Exactly. It means two eyes on ten fingers, because thieves are present

Dr. John Chen: The diatom results are back on the water in the lungs of the first two victims. Now this is interesting: 9200 milligrams of lead, 320 milligrams magnesium...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you mind if I just take a peek at this
[graps report]
Dr. Spencer Reid: ? It'll be quicker!

Jennifer Jareau: So we need to start searching these tunnels
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's the tricky part, there are 413 miles of them!

"Criminal Minds: Derailed (#1.9)" (2005)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Albert Einstein asked, "A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or are the others crazy?"

Dr. Spencer Reid: Tardive dyskinesia.
Derek Morgan: Once more for those of us who don't have an encyclopedic memory?

Derek Morgan: Come on, Reid, what are you talking about, a magic trick?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah I'm talkin' about a magic trick.

Derek Morgan: And remember, play into the guy's fantasy, believe it yourself.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, did you know that dentists and surgeons have been secretly recruited to implant these during otherwise normal medical procedures? This has been happening on and off since the late 1930s.
[Morgan looks at him]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Told me to believe.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Could you guys do me a favor?
Derek Morgan: Anything.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Could at least one of you look like you're going to see me again?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: See you when you get back.

[to Elle]
Jason Gideon: You're all right?
Elle Greenaway: Yeah, I'm fine, Dad.
Jason Gideon: Elle?
Elle Greenaway: Yeah?
Jason Gideon: Don't ever call me "Dad" again.
[he walks away]
Elle Greenaway: How do you think he'd feel about Mom?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Let me know when you're going to do that so I can, uh, run.

Elle Greenaway: Um, Reid, you probably saved my life in there.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Probably? I totally saved your life.
[he smiles]
Dr. Spencer Reid: And I'm pretty certain it was caught on tape.

"Criminal Minds: A Real Rain (#1.17)" (2006)
Derek Morgan: You've never been to New York?
Dr. Spencer Reid: We've never had an unsub there.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [to Gideon] I thought you were going to talk to Reid about taking some vacation time.
Jason Gideon: What's vacation time?

Derek Morgan: With no discernible victim patterns, the killer's practically impossible to stop.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Did you know the original Zodiac Killer actually continually changed his victims. Young, old, men, women, white black.
Jason Gideon: Exactly. And he killed for thirty years without ever being caught.

Derek Morgan: [Reid is fumbling his food while trying to eat with a pair of chopsticks] You don't know how to use 'em, do you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's like trying to forage for dinner with a pair of number two pencils.

Jason Gideon: [about citizens supporting the unsub] He's a hero.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The exact same thing happened with the Goetz-New York subway shooting in the early eighties.
Jason Gideon: You weren't even born.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I read a lot.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [after overhearing a conversation between Gideon and Hotch] What happened in Iowa?
Jason Gideon: It was one of the first cases Hotch and I worked together. Small town, two boys had been murdered, same signature. The profile led us to the, uh, local 4-H leader. We went to interview him. The guy, he was suicidal, he had a shotgun, our guns were drawn. And at some point, he turns the shotgun on Hotch. Instead of firing, Hotch talks him down. The guy surrenders.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sounds like pretty good work.
Jason Gideon: At trial, the guy's wife gave him an alibi for both murders. Small town, they all knew each other. Jurors believed her. Eventually they got him when he killed another boy.

Derek Morgan: [searching for a clue to indicate the unsub's next target] You know, this is a lot of boxes. How are we supposed to narrow it down?
Jason Gideon: Check and see if it ended in acquittal. If it didn't, toss it aside.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: It has to be a capital case. He's escalating. The more brutal, the better.
Elle Greenaway: Why not go by most recent?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Judging by his elaborate filing system, Doyle obviously has obsessive-compulsive disorder. People with OCD often finish tasks, and then go back to the beginning and start over.
Derek Morgan: So he continually goes through the transcripts and the first one to trigger him becomes his next victim.
Elle Greenaway: Here's one. This is a liquor store owner who was shot with his own gun.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Flip to when they present the defense. Did the defendant testify?
Elle Greenaway: No.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Stick with the ones where the accused took the stand. This is personal. He hears their voices.
Jason Gideon: Doyle's victims all claimed to be a type of victim themselves. The first two threw themselves on the mercy of the court, pleading alcohol and drug dependency. The priest said he was a victim, victim of recent hysteria.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Look for key phrases: victim, mercy, anything that signifies they thought their crime wasn't their fault.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think I might have one, guys: Ted Elmore. He shot and killed both his parents after claiming self-defense for years of physical abuse.
Jason Gideon: Doyle lost his own parents. Hearing someone get away with killing their own, that would haunt him.

Jason Gideon: There's a lot we still don't know, but we do know this: these are not blitz attacks. They're too controlled. These are absolutely executions.
Dr. Spencer Reid: An unsub's signature is his own extremely rare combination of M.O. and ritual. An unsub kills to satisfy an inner need, and he'll continue killing until that inner need, which is based on a ritual, is lived out perfectly. Because reality never lives up to fantasy, this becomes an impossibility.
Jason Gideon: In other words, he's not gonna stop killing until we catch him.

"Criminal Minds: #6 (#8.22)" (2013)
David Rossi: This car becomes an abduction vehicle and a dumping site.
Dr. Spencer Reid: According to missing persons' reports, he holds on to them for all about a week. Do we know what he does with them during that time?
Penelope Garcia: Yes, unfortunately we do, and that information is on your tablets in picture form. And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to my happy place.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Up until now, he's been an equal opportunity, anger retaliatory sadist.
David Rossi: Which is fancy talk for he hates the husbands as much as the wives.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Most likely because his own marriage failed in a humiliating way, and his wife left him for a man she may be engaged or even already married to.
Derek Morgan: But a major shift happened with Mary Hammond. He wasn't able to kidnap the husband, but he needed someone to cut her.
Jennifer Jareau: So his MO was forced to evolve. We believe he's abducted the sixth victim, a man, probably someone who reminds him of his own failed marriage.
Alex Blake: And he's keeping number six alive so he can repeat the process with Emma Churchill.
David Rossi: Number six could be a surrogate for the ex-wife's new husband or actually be the new husband.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Which is why the fastest way to find this UnSub is through this most recent unknown victim.

CEO #2: You're presuming that the three different car companies represented in this room track our drivers via their GPS. That's a bold presumption.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, it's not bold, and we're presuming nothing. When customers access their GPS for the first time, they go to a "Terms and Conditions" screen. They scroll to the bottom, they click the box that says "Agree" so they can start using it. They don't realize they've just agreed to allowing their car to communicate its entire driving history with your corporate headquarters. For research purposes only, of course. The only reason these people agree to share this information with you, is because they don't take the time to read the fine print. But I do.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Blake's phone beeps] You want me to...
Alex Blake: No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You want to talk about what's bothering you?
Alex Blake: No. Nothing's bothering me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Something's bothering you. I can always tell when you're bothered because you whisper lyrics to yourself. Hip-hop specifically. I thought it was odd at first, but then I remembered your dissertation was on the fluidity of metaphor. You seem to have a particular fondness for Nas.
Alex Blake: Wow. How did you know?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Morgan made me listen to him when we started working together. He said anybody that can't quote Illmatic is ignorant. So, do you want to talk about it?
Alex Blake: Uh, the text, it's from my husband.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Is that a bad thing?
Alex Blake: He just wants to know if I've thought about his offer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What offer?
Alex Blake: To teach with him at Harvard.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How would you... Ah.
Alex Blake: Yeah.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Tough call. What do you think you're gonna do?
Alex Blake: When we got married, part of the attraction was that we were both obsessed with our work, and for a while that was okay.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, the last time we talked about it, you seemed to prefer it.
Alex Blake: Oh, not anymore. I don't like going home to an empty house.
Dr. Spencer Reid: May I offer some advice?
Alex Blake: Sure.
Dr. Spencer Reid: We need to turn around. You just passed the house.
Alex Blake: Oh.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [car arrives at the house] That's not the advice, though. Blake, for the last ten years, this job has been my life. And then, for a few months, I had a taste of what you have. So, work. There's always work, and there'll always be work. What's rare is finding someone who makes us happy.

Dr. Spencer Reid: You've made up your mind, haven't you?
[Blake nods weakly]
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm happy for you.

David Rossi: So, we know this unsub uses the victims' own cars as his dumpsite
Dr. Spencer Reid: Technically, it's not a dumpsite, it's transportation disposal modality

Detective Ron Keaton: [Walking with Hotch towards Dr. Reid] And I gave Dr. Reid as detailed map of Detroit and Grosse Pointe as I could, so he should be all right
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wow
Aaron Hotchner: What'd you find?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well, date night is very important to the unsub
Detective Ron Keaton: He goes on dates?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, but his victims do, and the unsub knows that

"Criminal Minds: Sex, Birth, Death (#2.11)" (2006)
Jason Gideon: Paramedics say he wouldn't have made it without you. You saved his life.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He wanted me to let him die.
Jason Gideon: He's sick. He needed saving.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And how many people's lives did I risk in the future?
Jason Gideon: Profiles can be wrong.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What if it's not? What if next time he kills somebody?
Jason Gideon: Then you catch him.

Special Agent Derek Morgan: Reid, you know this is not your responsibility?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It is. I can't explain.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: Well try me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He knows I understand him.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: Of course you do. You're a profiler.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's more than that.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: How?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind.

Dr. Spencer Reid: What's up with Hotch today?
Special Agent Derek Morgan: [chuckles] I don't know. Maybe he tied that knot in his tie a little too tight again.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] T.S. Eliot wrote "Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the act, falls the shadow."

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] T.S. Eliot wrote "Between the desire and the spasm, between the potency and the existence, between the essence and the descent, falls the shadow. This is the way the world ends."

Jason Gideon: What's going on?
Dr. Spencer Reid: DC may have a serial killer and I just let him get away!

Penelope Garcia: Come on! You and me, we're hitting town
Dr. Spencer Reid: No offence Garcia, but I'm not really feeling I make the, eh, best company right now
Penelope Garcia: Oh no! Up! Up! Do not make me hurt you!
[Reid sighs and gives in]
Penelope Garcia: There you go, very good.

"Criminal Minds: Memoriam (#4.7)" (2008)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [walks into his hotel room with a box, surprised to see Rossi and Morgan there] What are you guys doing here?
Derek Morgan: Hey. What's it look like we're doing?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, breaking into my room and watching Days of Our Lives.
David Rossi: The Young and the Restless.

David Rossi: [referring to Reid's father] He's keeping tabs on you. That's saying something.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah and he Googled me. That makes up for everything.

Penelope Garcia: Oh, Will he looks just like you.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Let's hope he grows out of that.
Emily Prentiss: Just as long as he doesn't inherit the accent.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [from outside the door] Is there room for one more in here?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence, hi.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: [to Reid as he enters] Welcome back.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thanks.
[looks at Henry]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wow.
[to Will, extending his hand]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Congratulations.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: [takes Reid's hand] Thank you.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [to Reid] How is it that I just went through 15 hours of labor and... you look worse than I do?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Don't be ridiculous. You look beautiful.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Well I could sure use some coffee. Anyone else?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Sure.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: My treat.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [after Will, Hotch, Prentiss and Garcia leave; to Reid] You okay?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wow. Yeah, yeah.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You sure? Because there's something I wanted to ask you, but, it can wait.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What is it?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Will and I were talking and... we want you to be Henry's Godfather.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't - I mean, I don't know...
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Here. You wanna hold him. It's okay.
[hands Henry to Reid]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Watch his head.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hi. Hello Henry.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: If anything happens to us, it's up to you and Garcia to make sure this boy gets into Yale.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ooh. Yale. Yale! Do you wanna go to Yale, Henry? That was your Godfather's safety school.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Don't worry, I can get you into Cal Tech with one phone call.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote, voiceover] "What was silent in the father speaks in the son, and often I found in the son the unveiled secret of the father." - Frederich Nietzsche.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quote, voiceover] "There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world. The spirits of our foolish deeds haunt us with or without repentance." - Gilbert Parker.

Dr. Spencer Reid: We can't get a warrant, so we have to go this under the radar on this one, Garcia
Penelope Garcia: You want to hack your father's network? You're sure about this?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I really wish people would stop asking me that!

Dr. Spencer Reid: What did you find?
Penelope Garcia: Well, let me tell you first what I didn't find: no kiddy porn, no membership to illicit websites, no dubious emails, no chat room history
Dr. Spencer Reid: What about his finances?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We went back 10 years, no questionable transaction that we can find
Emily Prentiss: Well, he did buy a ticket to see Celine Dion 6 month ago, but I think we can overlook that

"Criminal Minds: There's No Place Like Home (#7.7)" (2011)
Penelope Garcia: P.G. at your service, don't let the name fool ya.
Derek Morgan: Baby girl you're on speaker.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Garcia can you look for grave robberies in tornado alley over the last five years?
Penelope Garcia: Okey Dokey, searching.Oh it's a shockingly big list. Who knew grave robbing was so on trend?

Dr. Spencer Reid: I didn't know you were a bad flyer.
David Rossi: I'm not. I just hate turbulence.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, turbulence very rarely causes planes to crash.
David Rossi: That does me absolutely no good at the moment. Thank you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What we really need to worry about are microbursts - a sudden downburst of air associated with thunderstorms - but small craft like this one, if we hit one of those at the wrong altitude...
[pantomimes explosion]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Get pulverized.
David Rossi: [to the rest of the team] I beg of you to make him stop.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Hey, Hotch.
Aaron Hotchner: Yeah?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I've been thinking... The vast majority of unsubs with this type of m.o. aren't driven by the killing, they're merely fascinated by the body parts. Psychologically, they exist in a realm where fantasy meets delusion. It's basically the perfect blueprint for creation of a serial killer b... I'm rambling, aren't I?
Aaron Hotchner: Yes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I should probably get to the point.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Central Plains. Right in the middle of Tornado Alley.
Dr. Spencer Reid: If this UnSub is using tornadoes as a forensic countermeasure, then Kansas certainly is the ideal setting. Tornadoes do pose a significant threat. During this year's Super Outbreak back in April, there were 336 confirmed tornadoes in just several days, resulting in over 300 lives lost.

Dr. Spencer Reid: All right, try looking for thefts involving body parts, specifically left legs.
Penelope Garcia: Okay. See, this is why I can't talk about how my day was at dinner. Breakfast, lunch.
[sees a search result]
Penelope Garcia: Spencer, you scare me.
David Rossi: Join the club.
Penelope Garcia: A left leg was stolen off a body a year ago at the Riggio Funeral Home in Tulsa. They never found who did it.

Dr. Spencer Reid: It's Frankenstein.
Derek Morgan: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The UnSub isn't just trying to put his brother back together, he's trying to bring him back from the dead. He believes that tornadoes have the power to take life, so conversely, they should have the power to restore it.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Who's that with Hotch?
Dr. Spencer Reid: There's been another abduction. A boy named Shaun Rutledge. That's his younger brother Billy.
Derek Morgan: Says a young white guy in an RV attacked them with a crowbar in the rain.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's also changed his victim selection criterion. The boy he grabbed gets straight A's, plays football, even volunteers at his church.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So he wanted him so badly he was willing to leave a witness?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Which suggests he's losing touch with reality and his delusions are starting to take over.
Derek Morgan: What is it about this kid that was so attractive to him?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: He was teenage and Caucasian like the others, right?
Dr. Spencer Reid: We also think that a sexual element may actually not be at play.
Derek Morgan: So then what the hell is driving this guy?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Maybe it's love. What if he's trying to recreate someone he loves?
Derek Morgan: It is an emotion that drives us to extremes.

"Criminal Minds: True Night (#3.10)" (2007)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [arriving at the crime scene] Should have listened to me.
Derek Morgan: It wouldn't have saved that much time, Reid. Let it go.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The interchange between the 405 and the 101 freeways is consistently rated the worst interchange in the entire world.
Derek Morgan: Why do you know that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a government report.
Derek Morgan: So what?
Dr. Spencer Reid: So, you work for the government. What, you don't read the reports?
Derek Morgan: On traffic patterns in a city twenty-five hundred miles from where I live?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Twenty-two hundred and ninety-five miles.
Derek Morgan: Don't make me smack you in front of all these people.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote, voiceover] "Superman is, after all, an alien life form. He is simply the acceptable face of invading realities." - Author Clive Barker.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Sometimes for an artist, the only difference between insanity and genius is success.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Same victimology?
Detective Brady: We don't have a positive id on either one of them yet, but the clothing fits. You really think this is only one guy, huh?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The level of overkill suggests an unsub in a psychotic break. Multiple unsubs in violent psychotic breaks operating in the exact same location is exceedingly unlikely
Derek Morgan: Yeah, it's probably one guy

Dr. Spencer Reid: All these calls were made within the last two days
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Sometimes what an unsub does actually make sense

Derek Morgan: [On the phone] Just leave it alone until I get there! Hey, hey, hardhead! Don't make me spank you when I get back
Dr. Spencer Reid: Don't listen to him, Garcia, he's all talk...
[Derek hits him on the head]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Aah! JJ! He just hit me!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You boys behave or I will ground you both

"Criminal Minds: Extreme Aggressor (#1.1)" (2005)
[referring to Gideon]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you know why he always introduces me as Dr. Reid?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Because he knows that people see you as a kid and he wants to make sure that they respect you.

Derek Morgan: Reid, are you good with this? We've got a woman who's only got a few hours left to live, an incomplete profile and a Unit Chief on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
[Gideon comes in from behind him]
Jason Gideon: They don't call them nervous breakdowns anymore.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's called a "Major Depressive Episode."
Derek Morgan: I know!

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: This is Dr. Reid.
David Woodland: You look too young to have gone to medical school.
Dr. Spencer Reid: There are Ph.D.'s, three of them.
David Woodland: What, are you a genius or something?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and can read 20,000 words per minute.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, I'm a genius.

Derek Morgan: [breaking into an encrypted computer] In six tries?
Jason Gideon: Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Samuel Buckett.
Derek Morgan: Try not. Do or do not.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Gideon looks confused] Yoda.

Derek Morgan: [trying to get into Slessman's head] Okay, so I'm an insomniac who listens to Metallica to get to sleep. What song could possibly speak to me?
Dr. Spencer Reid: "Enter Sandman".

Derek Morgan: They want you back in the saddle! You're ready?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Looks like medical leave is over, boss
Jason Gideon: Are you sure they want me?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [Nods yes] The order came from the director
Jason Gideon: Well, we'd better get started!

"Criminal Minds: Painless (#7.4)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [the music on Morgan's iPod suddenly stops, and is replaced by Reid's voice] We interrupt your regularly scheduled musical selection with an important announcement: never wage a practical joke war against an MIT graduate, because we have a history of going nuclear. Now sit back, relax, and enjoy the dulcet sounds of me screaming in your ear. AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Derek Morgan: [Morgan takes off his headphones] Okay, kid, that was cute. But that's all you got?
[Reid snores, feigning sleep]
Derek Morgan: [his phone rings] Hey, baby gi...
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Reid's recording cuts in] AHHHHHHH!
[still feigning sleep, Reid smirks; to diffuse the situation, Rossi waves a white flag of surrender]
Derek Morgan: Uh-uh. All right, Reid, it's on. Just know that paybacks are a bitch.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [muttering] I will crush you.
Derek Morgan: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [innocently] What?

Dr. Spencer Reid: [When JJ claims she can't remember ever being bullied in high school] Were you one of the mean girls?
Jennifer Jareau: Wh - ? No!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Valedictorian, soccer scholarship, corn fed but still a size zero - I think that you might've been a mean girl!
Jennifer Jareau: *I* was actually one of the *nice* girls. Even to guys like *you*!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Guys like me? I'll have you know that my social standing increased once I started winning at basketball.
Jennifer Jareau: [Disbelievingly] Oh yeah, you played basketball?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, I didn't play. I *coached* basketball. I broke down the opposing team's shooting strategy.
Jennifer Jareau: Is that why Morgan kicked you out of the pool last week?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah. Took him three rounds to realize I was hustling him.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] "You may leave school, but it never leaves you." ~~ Andy Partridge

Dr. Spencer Reid: Boiling rage- SON OF A BITCH! Hi, this is Dr. Spencer Reid, I actually can come to the phone right now with a very special message that your mother is a to...
Aaron Hotchner: Reid.

Emily Prentiss: What else do we have to go on?
Jennifer Jareau: Spence said the UnSub would have broken his hand beating Chelsea to death. Did you notice anyone with a cast on their hand, someone who seemed hurt?
Emily Prentiss: No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I might know why. This UnSub doesn't feel pain. There's a medical condition called pain asymbolia, where patients register harmful stimuli without being bothered by it. They've been documented holding their hand over an open flame because their brain doesn't send pain signals to the central nervous system.
David Rossi: Sounds pretty rare. You sure the UnSub has it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The crime scenes prove it. This UnSub displayed an unusual level of savagery towards his victims. And consider this, he smashed through a glass display case, but there were not cuts on Jerry. That means he most likely punched through it as a show of force. Now, the only way the human body could withstand that level of pain is if he couldn't feel it at all.
David Rossi: It must take a major toll on someone's emotional development.
Derek Morgan: A significant contributor to our sense of empathy is the way we personally experience pain.
Aaron Hotchner: And the UnSub didn't develop his sense of empathy because it was cut off. Does every person with asymbolia have this?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, most feel empathy just fine, which makes me think the rest of our profile is still accurate. Loner, invisible, outcast, boiling rage...

"Criminal Minds: Rabid (#9.18)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Why does it have to be such a fast mile? Have you ever even had to run a mile in the field?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No.
Penelope Garcia: I'm not even in the field. I sit at a computer on my perfect posterior, like all day.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe we should ask Morgan for help.
Penelope Garcia: No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But he has really good abs...
Penelope Garcia: Yes, he does. But it's bad enough some bureaucrat is making us take this stupid test. The last thing we need is Mr. Universe talking smack the whole time.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But he knows about all this stuff. He can probably, like. Teach us some tricks, help us train.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You work out? That's cool. I don't.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah. In a non-traditional manner and never again with him. He was all, "there you go, baby girl. Move it or lose it". "This ain't your high-tech room. My grandmama can move better than that".

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote] "It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease, than to know what sort of disease a person has" - Hippocrates

Derek Morgan: What's with you? Are you okay?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, I'm great; I am just doing some stretching because it helps me keep my brain limber.

Derek Morgan: Nice tackle kid!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thanks! I have been working out lately

Jennifer Jareau: You guys ready to get out of here?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes please! I can't stand hospitals, it's something about the lighting!

Dr. Weinstein: We found several...
Dr. Spencer Reid: [browsing through thick report] Total of eleven?
Dr. Weinstein: You read fast!

"Criminal Minds: Sense Memory (#6.14)" (2011)
Emily Prentiss: Thank you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: For what?
Emily Prentiss: For being you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Aw, thanks. I don't know how to be anyone else.

Dr. Spencer Reid: ...That was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?

Penelope Garcia: Spin the wheel, and it is sunny Los Angeles, people.
Derek Morgan: Two times in one year?
David Rossi: Remind me again why it's called the City of Angels.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It was originally called "The Town of our Lady the Queen of the Angels."... That was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?

Dr. Spencer Reid: Methanol is compositionally speaking, the simplest of the alcohols. It's actually ubiquitous in the environment. There are small traces of its vapor in the atmosphere, but atmospheric methanol is easily oxidized by sunlight.
Emily Prentiss: Is it toxic?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ingesting ten milliliters of it will cause permanent blindness, and as little as 30 is potentially fatal.
Derek Morgan: Well, these victims had between five and six ounces in their lungs.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, if they were immersed in it, they would have died even without ingesting or inhaling it. When absorbed through the skin, it depresses the central nervous system to an unsustainable degree.
Derek Morgan: Well, what's it used for?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What isn't it used for? A solvent, an antifreeze. In World War II, the Germans used it for rocket fuel. It's used in wine-making. Its most commonplace use however, is in the creation of other chemicals. Methanol can become plastic, plywood, paint, explosives, permanent-press textiles. It's essentially the chemical used to separate other chemicals from each other.

Derek Morgan: Considering the wide divergence of abduction and dumpsites, this guy could be anywhere. LA is over 500 square miles.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ah, 498.3.

Derek Morgan: One of the drivers may have picked someone up off the meter.
Aaron Hotchner: The cabs have GPS?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah. Taxis are tracked more than Gaga's Twitter.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What does that mean?
David Rossi: I'll explain it to him, Garcia.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, teach him to worship the other Lady G, boss. Ta and ta.

"Criminal Minds: Broken Mirror (#1.5)" (2005)
Dr. Spencer Reid: There's no code of conduct that says agents can't socialize.
Derek Morgan: Well, see, my code of survival says never mess with a woman that carries a gun.

Evan Davenport: Excuse me, can you actually read that fast?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Our conscious minds can process sixteen bits of information per second. Our unconscious, however, can process eleven million.
[Mr. Davenport looks at Reid]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, I can actually read this fast.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm just saying it's possible. I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: I never said that. When have I ever said that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Every day since I met you!
Elle Greenway: This morning at breakfast...
Agent Aaron Hotch: Yesterday when he beat you at cards. Um... we've got one minute.
Special Agent Derek Morgan: Anybody ever heard of sarcasm?
Dr. Spencer Reid, Elle Greenway: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Oftentimes the best profilers are the unsubs themselves. They're the ones that are able to walk into an arcade full of children and pinpoint the boy or girl that can be led out quietly.

Derek Morgan: So what happened with you and JJ at the Redskins game?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Top secret!

Evan Davenport: They're not entirely identical. They're mirror twins. Some of Trish's organs are on the right side that should be on the left. Doctors assured us that it wasn't life threatening
Dr. Spencer Reid: Situs inversus

"Criminal Minds: The Good Earth (#8.5)" (2012)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening, voiceover] "I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allan Poe.

Jennifer Jareau: Economics, philosophy, political theory. Not exactly breezy, take-to-the-beach reading.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I would, but I don't really like the beach.
Jennifer Jareau: Why is that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sandy food, pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, but mostly drug-resistant bacteria spread by sea gull feces.
Jennifer Jareau: Sorry, I asked.

David Rossi: [reads a message] That was Hotch. The doctor told him the placenta was scraped completely out of the victim's uterus. Every bit of it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, the placenta does carry special significance in many cultures. In ancient Egypt, it had its own hieroglyph. And the Ibo tribe in Nigeria considered it to be the child's dead twin.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, that would be helpful, if our UnSub was an ancient Egyptian or Ibo tribeswoman, but...

David Rossi: What is it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It could be placentophagy.
Jennifer Jareau: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Consuming it. In the wild, it's common for animals to eat their own afterbirth. It's super rich in nutrients.
David Rossi: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. So the UnSub might have harvested this last victim... for food?

David Rossi: So, did you learn anything?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, Spence here does not like the beach
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't

Derek Morgan: He's efficient and well-organized. It's not easy to make four people vanish and then stay vanished.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It has been done before, though. Uh, political kidnappings frequently require holding multiple adults simultaneously.
David Rossi: Or they're already dead. Nothing says "can't be found" like a shallow grave in the middle of nowhere.

"Criminal Minds: The Fisher King: Part 2 (#2.1)" (2006)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] "It has been said time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy.

Aaron Hotchner: What the hell was that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: He had a bomb.
Derek Morgan: You didn't think we needed to know that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I told you to go downstairs.
Derek Morgan: Well, you didn't say "bomb". You left that part out.

Dr. Spencer Reid: There's something familiar about it. I think I heard it somewhere before
Derek Morgan: Thought you had a photographic memory
Dr. Spencer Reid: Eidetic memory, that's primarily related to things I read. Like I said, this is something I think I've heard

Dr. Spencer Reid: My mom used to read me that. It's widely considered as the first Valentine's poem
Penelope Garcia: Your mom read you Valentine's poems? Hello therapy!

Dr. Spencer Reid: I should have realized this sooner, and looking at those things and realizes the fact that JJ collects butterflies, except for me. People tell me their secrets all the time. Think it's 'cause they know I don't have anyone to betray them to... except my mother... I... tell her pretty much everything
Penelope Garcia: I don't think anyone would mind
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know I write her a letter every day?
Penelope Garcia: That's nice
Dr. Spencer Reid: Depends on... why
Penelope Garcia: What'd you mean?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I write her a letter, so I won't feel so guilty about not visiting her
[Garcia frowns]
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know schizophrenia is genetically passed?

Dr. Spencer Reid: Mom, we've found her! Rebecca is safe. You helped us save her life
Diana Reid: [back in her own world] Is it time for lunch yet?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Diana Reid: I'm lecturing everyone about Tristan and Isolde. They're all gathering in my room after lunch
Dr. Spencer Reid: [plays along] Can I attend the lecture too?
Diana Reid: Have you read any of the material?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I've had them read to me
Diana Reid: Wonderful! That's the best way, isn't it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes ma'am. By far

"Criminal Minds: From Childhood's Hour (#7.5)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] "From childhood's hour, I have not been As others are; I have not seen As others have." ~~ Edgar Allen Poe

Derek Morgan: Cheerful.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Depression is a vicious cycle. It frequently manifests itself in the degradation of one's personal living environment, which in turn, fuels the depression, which then worsens the living environment.
Derek Morgan: I'll take a look around in here. Why don't you check out the kitchen?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The kitchen.
Derek Morgan: Is that a problem?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Frankly, I'm not too anxious to see the perishable food version of this room.

Derek Morgan: Four pair of shoes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Why exactly is that relevant?
Derek Morgan: Come on, Reid, how many women you know only have four pairs of shoes in their closet?
Dr. Spencer Reid: My experience in and around women's closets isn't exactly extensive enough to really formulate an opinion.
Derek Morgan: The answer is none. You can take my word for it.

Dr. Spencer Reid: How about 10 pairs of shoes? I mean, that has to be enough, right? Ten?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence, it's different with the ladies. We need them to match our belts, our handbags, our skirts, and the fashions change with the seasons.
Penelope Garcia: Yes. Boys are so boring. Pants, shoes, out the door.
Emily Prentiss: Although, it's not like men don't have their things. I dated a golfer once. He had 12 putters in his closet. But this conversation is reminding me I need new boots.
Penelope Garcia: They're having a sale at DeMille's on those tall-shaft kitty heels. You like those. Do you want to go?
Emily Prentiss: Yeah.
Derek Morgan: You getting all this, kid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Mrs. Tanner, please don't take this the wrong way, but exactly what drug are you addicted to? You're displaying symptoms of withdrawal.
Kelsey Tanner: [indignantly] Are you crazy?
Derek Morgan: Ma'am, we saw two deals go down on the other side of the park when we arrived. You were here to buy, weren't you? That's what had you distracted.
Kelsey Tanner: I can't believe that you... actually think I...
Derek Morgan: Your child is missing, Miss Tanner. Every minute, every half-minute, counts. You need to tell us the truth, and you need to tell us now.

Aaron Hotchner: We're looking for a male unsub in his mid- to late twenties. Physically fit enough to subdue Marlene Smith, and carry out a vicious attack and sustained attack.
David Rossi: We believe he sees himself as a rescuer, taking children away from unfit parents. He may very well have abandonment issues from his own childhood.
Derek Morgan: The impulsive nature of committing the murder out in the open suggests that he's inexperienced.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The violence on Marlene Smith went from precision to frenzy, which points to someone with classic psychopathic traits; quick to rage and quick to recover.
Emily Prentiss: He also appears to have insider knowledge of the families in these cases, so we need to look for someone who was privy to what went on behind those closed doors.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Emergency personnel were called to the Smith house after both suicide attempts, and once to the Tanner house after the mother overdosed on prescription drugs.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: That means first responders, Child Service workers, ambulance personnel. Both missing children apparently went without struggle or protest. That makes us think that they had prior contact with the person we're looking for.
David Rossi: Or they inherently trust who he is by the virtue of his job. The uniform he wears; doctor, mailman, policeman.
Derek Morgan: So far, the violence has been directed to the offending parent, but we don't know what the unsub's endgame is.
Emily Prentiss: We have written up a media release on precautions the public needs to take.
Aaron Hotchner: And we've taken the second mother into protective custody, thus depriving him of his target. This will increase his volatility.
David Rossi: That's why it's critical we find these kids. If they are alive, he may turn his violence against the children themselves.

"Criminal Minds: The Lesson (#8.10)" (2012)
Dr. Spencer Reid: What chapter are you on?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: The part where she's at the coal mines.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Say what you will about his writing, Maeve, it's fascinating the way he weaves characters into situations, right?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Yeah, I mean, I'm not sure what I think of it. It's slightly obtuse.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, he tends to be that way. I probably should have warned you. He's not really anything like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Still my favorite. Uh , guess what.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I think the stalker's gone. The e-mails have stopped.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Really? Since when?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Two weeks ago.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Why didn't you tell me?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I wanted to make sure.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What about the phone calls?
Dr. Maeve Donovan: No, I haven't gotten any. No more heavy breathing on the machine, no more hang-ups.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, oftentimes when a stalker's advances are completely ignored, their erotomanic fantasies will be diverted to a more receptive target.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I went to the store yesterday. I even sat in a café and had coffee without my disguise on. Something deep inside my gut tells me he's gone. I think it's over, Spencer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well, our instincts exist for a reason. They're definitely a response to specific...
Dr. Maeve Donovan: I want to meet you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: ...environmental stimuli.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Did you hear me, Spence?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, I... No, I heard you.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Well, what do you think? I think it's time.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening, voiceover] William Shakespeare once wrote, "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind."

Dr. Spencer Reid: The Greeks translated "puppets" as "neurospasta," which literally means string-pulling. And throughout time they've been used as a method to tell kings a story so the subjects didn't have to speak directly to him.
David Rossi: It was a way to hear the truth.
Aaron Hotchner: It seems like this UnSub's doing something similar, using his puppets to tell his story.

Dr. Maeve Donovan: [phone rings] Hello.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maeve, it's me. Listen, don't come to the restaurant.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: What are you talking about? I'm outside.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Go home.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: [pause] Spencer, if you don't want to meet me, you can just say it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, that's not it. Look, I think your stalker's here.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Please just go.
Dr. Maeve Donovan: Okay.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing, voiceover] Thomas Merton once wrote, "Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another."

Alex Blake: There you are! How's the geographical profiling going? And why are you doing it in here?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's going good. I'm... I'm having trouble concentrating out there, as a result I came in here
Alex Blake: Hmm. So, what's with you today? Is this about... Phone Booth Girl?
Dr. Spencer Reid: She wants to meet
Alex Blake: Wait! You guys have never met?
[Reid shakes no]
Alex Blake: Aren't you curious what she looks like?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't, it doesn't matter what she looks like, I mean, she's already the most beautiful girl in the world to me, it's just... what if she doesn't like me?
Alex Blake: Why wouldn't she like you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Because I'm weird! I slouch, my hair's too long, my tie's perpetual crooked
Alex Blake: You hair's fine
Dr. Spencer Reid: Really? Thanks! My mom thinks it's too long, so does my aunt Ethel
Alex Blake: Well, you're not dating them
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's... I... I just wouldn't wanna ruin something so special over something so trivial a looks
Alex Blake: I think you're excited, but afraid
[Reid shakes yes]
Alex Blake: Seeing her will only make the relationship better! Trust me. When does she want to meet?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Right when we get back
Alex Blake: Do it! Don't psych yourself out
Dr. Spencer Reid: We'll see

"Criminal Minds: Hit (#7.23)" (2012)
Penelope Garcia: Okay, okay, the TV movie is in hall H at 9:00. Can we go to that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Absolutely. Do you think we can we make it to the Captains of the Enterprise panel at 11:00?
Penelope Garcia: Obvs. Thanks for coming with me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Of course. I've been knitting this scarf for weeks.
Kevin Lynch: Penelope.
Penelope Garcia: Kevin. Hi. You came. And you brought a friend. CSU technician Sharp, how are you?
Evidence Tech Gina: Fine. You?
Penelope Garcia: I am also fine. Okay, well, see ya.
Kevin Lynch: You're not gonna go in?
Penelope Garcia: No. Actually, we just went in and it's super lame, so we're leaving.
Kevin Lynch: Uh, okay. Oh, great costume.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, you, too.

Dr. Spencer Reid: That was awkward.
Penelope Garcia: Oh, my God. We used to come every year. I can't believe he brought someone else.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well, you brought someone else.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, someone I couldn't possibly be sexually attracted to.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You're welcome?

Dr. Spencer Reid: Whoa, Rossi!
David Rossi: Why doesn't this surprise me?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Are you here for the convention?
David Rossi: Who schedules a cigar aficionado event back to back with this?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know, right? It's the greatest party ever.
David Rossi: Well, it was gonna be. Unless it involves Gentleman Jack and pre-embargo Cuban cigars. I find that statement to be highly dubious.
Penelope Garcia: Kevin brought another woman. I'm plotting revenge. Do you want to help?
David Rossi: No. Now, you know I love you both, but this is Saturday and it is my day off, so I'd prefer to love you from afar. So, have fun. It's my bedtime.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's 9:00 a.m.
David Rossi: You're judging me?

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay, so what's the significance of Chad?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A 2008 coup attempt plunged them into political instability. They're currently in the middle of a civil war.
Emily Prentiss: There's gotta be more to it than that.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I should be there. We've learned everything we can from here Garcia:
Penelope Garcia: No, you can help more by helping me. There is a lot to go over and your brain works faster than mine

"Criminal Minds: Paradise (#4.4)" (2008)
Emily Prentiss: Well Roadside motels definately go on my list.
[When Reid gives her a funny look... ]
Emily Prentiss: Of things to never do again.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You have a *list?*
David Rossi: [to Reid] You *don't?*

Dr. Spencer Reid: [on the phone with Garcia] Thank you, Garcia!
Garcia: You, my fine furry friends, are welcome!
[hangs up the phone]
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [about Garcia] Remind me to have her drug-tested...

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Three nights ago outside of Reno, this car was hit by a tractor trailer.
Derek Morgan: Any survivors?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: The truck driver walked away unharmed. Jonathan and Rebecca Gallen, the passengers in the car, were DOA. When the local sheriff arrived on the scene, he noticed several things - no blood spatter inside the car, no seat belt burns, no lacerations from the air bags.
Dr. Spencer Reid: They were dead before the accident.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: The autopsy report confirmed that, and the cause of death. Blunt force head trauma and evidence of rape and torture to the woman.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Well, the unsub wasn't very successful at hiding the fact that he murdered two people.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Hey, if you guys are hungry, I know a pretty good Indian restaurant that's open all night.
Emily Prentiss: Oh, I can't. I have a date.
Derek Morgan: You got a date? With who?
Emily Prentiss: My hot tub.
Derek Morgan: Oh, now that sounds like a party.
Emily Prentiss: [amused laugh] You're so not invited.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What is this? Left over Kung Pao Chickens? That's disgusting!
Sheriff Bruner: Uhm
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What?
Sheriff Bruner: The smell of Chinese food makes you sick, but you don't even flinch when you look at those pictures
Dr. Spencer Reid: She's pretty tough

"Criminal Minds: The Gathering (#8.17)" (2013)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quotation, voiceover] Oscar Wilde said "I can resist anything, except temptation."

Jennifer Jareau: Okay, it takes a lot of strength to rip out someone's tongue. It's one of the strongest muscles in the body.
Aaron Hotchner: The M.E. is still trying to determine whether it was done ante or postmortem.
Dr. Spencer Reid: According to Chinese mythology, one of the most dreadful punishments in the 18 levels of hell involves having one's tongue ripped out. It's considered to be one of the most horrific forms of torture.
Alex Blake: It's also symbolic, used to punish liars and anti-regime activists.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening, voiceover] Barbara Grizzuti Harrison once said, "All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination."

Jennifer Jareau: Peter, I know he betrayed your trust. Just put the knife down and we can talk about this.
Peter Harper: You don't know what it's like... the thoughts and the images that won't go away. This is my only option.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Peter, that's not true. Listen, I know exactly what it's like. Right now is the part where I'm supposed to lie to you, tell you that everything's gonna be okay and that we can somehow help you, but the fact of the matter is, Peter, I don't know if we can. There might not be any form of therapy that ever takes these urges away.
Jennifer Jareau: Spence, what are you doing?
Dr. Spencer Reid: But that doesn't mean you stop trying. Peter, no matter what happens, you have to keep trying. I know it's not what you want to hear, but at least it's the truth.
Peter Harper: I appreciate your honesty.
[cuts his throat]

Aaron Hotchner: Reid, I just finished the case file. I talked to Morgan and JJ and I wanted to talk to you about what happened.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The hostage was clear and I made a tactical decision to tell the UnSub the truth about his condition.
Aaron Hotchner: And what did you think that would accomplish?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well, Hotch, I thought the last time I was in a situation like this, I did exactly what I was supposed to. I told a perfect lie and that didn't work, so this time, in the hopes of saving someone's life, I tried something different.
Aaron Hotchner: And this didn't work.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sadly, no.
Aaron Hotchner: To me, this is very clearly about Maeve.

"Criminal Minds: Heathridge Manor (#7.19)" (2012)
David Rossi: Emily, you asked earlier if she was going to a renaissance fair. There's something to that.
Emily Prentiss: Based on the dress, there could be more of a connection to history than the occult.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Renaissance fairs typically replicate 16th century England. They've surged in popularity since they began in the 1960s.
Penelope Garcia: And it's not just a bunch of nerds in costumes eating turkey legs, you guys.

Dr. Spencer Reid: The UnSub's not the first to do this. Poisoned garments actually have an incredibly long history, going all the way back to the shirt of Nessus, which killed Hercules.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Guys, I think these numbers are dates. If you reverse them and chop off the 11 at the beginning and end...
Aaron Hotchner: That's two days after each woman went missing.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's more than that, though. Look. March 1st is Saint Eichatadt day. March 21st is the spring equinox, and the 24th is the Feast of the Beast. All important holidays in the Satanic calendar for sacrifices.
Derek Morgan: What about the 11 on the end?
Dr. Spencer Reid: To many occultists 11 is symbolic of Lucifer.
Jennifer Jareau: Okay, I thought we were moving away from Satanic killings.
Aaron Hotchner: Apparently we need to reconsider.
Dr. Spencer Reid: There's gotta be some sort of connection to the Devil here.
Aaron Hotchner: Reid, what other upcoming dates are significant to Satanists?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Good Friday, then Easter eve. Then preparations begin in mid-April for the most important holiday of all, Walpurgis Night on April 30th.

Dr. Spencer Reid: There's something else that's been bothering me. Why is he putting white face makeup on his victims after they're dead?
David Rossi: Isn't that what they wore in the Elizabethan era?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, but only upper-class women wore white face makeup. It was a symbol of virginity and purity. But he's dressing them like characters out of *The Merry Wives of Windsor*, which is one of Shakespeare's rare plays about the middle class.
Jennifer Jareau: So, it's inconsistent.
Aaron Hotchner: The makeup could mean that he believes death is purifying them.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What if this is like the Salem witch trials, where they test the girls by trying to drown them? If they died, it meant they were obviously innocent. If they somehow survived, they were considered witches and therefore hanged.
David Rossi: Wonderful. A lose-lose situation.
Jennifer Jareau: The UnSub didn't submerge the victims in water to torture them. It was some sort of a test?
Dr. Spencer Reid: With death being the only possible outcome.

Dr. Spencer Reid: If someone's carrying on in Catherine's mission, then it's quite possible they both suffered from *folie à deux*, a shared psychotic disorder between two people who are extremely close, and that would mean it's most likely a family member.
David Rossi: Maybe one or both of her kids.

"Criminal Minds: Corazon (#6.12)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: "No man chooses evil because it *is* evil, he only mistakes it for haappiness, the good he seeks." ~~ Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

Dr. Spencer Reid: "The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or even touched; they must be felt with the heart." ~~ Helen Keller

Derek Morgan: Hey, what's the matter with you? You've not gonna give me a bunch of facts about the area and the demographics?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The Allapattah neighborhood is named after the Native American word for alligator.
Derek Morgan: There you go. There's the kid I know.

Aaron Hotchner: Reid? Anything helpful?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah. Yeah... The Afro-Caribbean syncretic religions began when slaves mixed their traditional religions with Catholicism in order to camouflage them. The elements in this altar look to me like Santeria. It's a Yoruban-based religion developed in Cuba. Practitioners worship Orishas, deities that roughly correspond with Catholic saints.
Derek Morgan: And what about the shells?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Let's see. This is Ellegua, the deity of the crossroads, a trickster and the impartial enforcer of justice.
Ashley Seaver: So, is the UnSub sacrificing the victims to him?
Dr. Spencer Reid: None of these religions openly call for human sacrifice, only animals.

Julio Ruiz: You heard me calling.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Julio Ruiz: You heard me calling. That's why you came.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Julio, I found a photograph of you in front of this building. That's how I found you.
Julio Ruiz: You don't really believe that, do you? That you just happened to see a photograph?... This is Orula's ide. It will protect you. I don't need it anymore, but... You do.

"Criminal Minds: The Angel Maker (#4.2)" (2008)
[Dr Reid has found steganographic messages hidden in letters written by a convict in prison but can't read the messages without the key]
David Rossi: What do you need to crack it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The ability to clone myself and a year's supply of Adderall.
David Rossi: I'll put on the coffee.

[Dr Reid has managed to decode steganographic messages hidden in letters written by a convict in prison]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Normally, you'd use a computer to examine all the combinations, but in this case it was faster just to write it all out longhand until I found the right code.
Emily Prentiss: [Poking Reid's cheek] He's so lifelike!

Dr. Spencer Reid: Think about who shares the exact DNA makeup of another person.
Derek Morgan: Read, you're not seriously floating around the idea of an evil twin, are you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, I'm not. I'm floating the idea of an *eviler* twin.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: This is Delilah Grennan. She was bludgeoned and raped during the night at her home in Lower Canaan, Ohio.
Emily Prentiss: Lower where?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Small town forty miles outside of Cincinnati.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Staging the body face up with the arms across the chest like that.
Derek Morgan: Ritual. Nice hair, by the way.
[Morgan flips a lock of Reid's hair into his face]
Dr. Spencer Reid: [brushing his hair back] Thanks.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Uh, there's more. Small puncture wounds on her stomach. Note the lack of blood.
Emily Prentiss: They were inflicted postmortem. Were there any other victims?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Kind of. Victimology and signature match a serial killer from the same town ten years ago. Six victims spanning over ten months. He called himself...
Aaron Hotchner: The Angel Maker. I remember the case.
Dr. Spencer Reid: They caught that guy.
David Rossi: And executed him.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: That's right. He was put to death by lethal injection a year ago yesterday.
Emily Prentiss: Yesterday.
Derek Morgan: So we're looking for a copycat.
David Rossi: Honoring the anniversary of his hero's death.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It says here they found semen at the crime scene. Perhaps locals will get a DNA match when they run it through VICAP?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Well, that's where it gets weird. They ran it already and they got a match, too.
Emily Prentiss: Well, if they already have a name, why'd they call us?
David Rossi: [reading the report] They've got to be kidding. The match they got back on the DNA is to a Cortland Bryce Ryan. Otherwise known as... the Angel Maker.

Dr. Spencer Reid: There's an entire cottage industry based on serial killer effects and memorabilia. You can find absolutely anything if you know the right people.

"Criminal Minds: Through the Looking Glass (#8.3)" (2012)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Braden certainly would be vulnerable. Unlike classic autism, language ability is intact in people with Asperger's. They appear to lack empathy and have trouble reading social cues. Albert Einstein supposedly had it, as do some well-known Silicon Valley types.
Alex Blake: Well, how about you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's that?

Dr. Spencer Reid: This place brings back memories. When I was a kid, I made a model of the universe out of salt.
Alex Blake: Was it for a school project?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, it was a birthday present for Carl Sagan, but I don't think he ever got it.

Alex Blake: You know, by the way, no offense earlier when I suggested you had Asperger's.
Dr. Spencer Reid: None taken. When did you do that?
Alex Blake: Ah... , and that's what I love about you. You're not overly sensitive like some people. I mean, think about how much time we'd save if everyone just got straight to the point.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah. Cut out all the handshakes and how-do-you-dos.
Alex Blake: Yeah.

Alex Blake: Was this house remodeled?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a Tudor revival house, which means it was built in the 1940s. But I see hardware fixtures from the 1980s, composite window moldings from 2000...
Alex Blake: That would be yes.

Owner Ravenwood Camp: Do you know what the biggest problem in America is today?
Dr. Spencer Reid: We're losing the war against antibiotics resistance!
Owner Ravenwood Camp: Smartphones! I saw this family in a restaurant the other day and no one was talking to each other. And they were all on their phones, texting, tweeting, emailing, what have you

"Criminal Minds: Identity (#3.7)" (2007)
Dr. Spencer Reid: A popular theory among leading astrophysicists estimates that the hyper-matter reactor would need about 10³² Joules of energy to destroy a planet the size of Earth. Now, Lucas said it took 19 years to build the first Death Star, right? If you look at the universal chronology, there's a tested prototype for Superlaser - where're you going?
Derek Morgan: Take back the last five minutes of my life.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm with the FBI.
Trailer Park Manager: FBI? You're not serious. You look like a pipe-cleaner with eyes. I could snap you like a twig.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [on the phone] Hi this is Agent Jareau with the F.B.I. and -
[puts phone down]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: That's the third time I've been hung up on.
David Rossi: Try not saying F.B.I.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Who was that?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Contact for a local militia newsletter.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, drop the F.B.I. part.

[snooping in Rossi's office, in order to learn more about him]
Dr. Spencer Reid: What happened to the moratorium on inter-team profiling, guys?
Derek Morgan: Come on, Reid, team? I don't think this guy knows the meaning of the word.

Emily Prentiss: What the hell is this?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A pear of anguish

"Criminal Minds: Magnum Opus (#8.13)" (2013)
Derek Morgan: What's up, Reid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Have the cornea or pupils been harmed in any way?
Derek Morgan: No, no. Blake said it looked like a very sharp instrument was used.
Dr. Spencer Reid: If he's taking care not to damage the eyes, then line of sight is probably what's important to him.
Derek Morgan: So this guy wants them to see what he's doing. Hey, Reid? How are you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I gotta go.
[hangs up]

Alex Blake: He removed the white blood cells. Plasma.
David Rossi: Why would he take the plasma?
Aaron Hotchner: It would make it thicker. Easier to use as a paint.
Derek Morgan: What type of equipment would it take to do that?
Alex Blake: You can easily buy a centrifuge online these days for a couple hundred bucks.
Aaron Hotchner: What other reasons would he have for separating the plasma from the blood?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a habit.
Aaron Hotchner: Reid.
Jennifer Jareau: Spence.
Aaron Hotchner: I didn't expect you back this soon. You sure you're ready?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, but I think I figured something out.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I think Hughes may have his next victim. An Alan Archer just came in and reported his boss missing. Madison Riley owns an art gallery in the Mission District. Said there was blood, signs of struggle. Hughes even left a painting of his on the wall this time. It's the same signature and it's definitely made of blood, which got me thinking about Maeve's stalker. If this guy's a tortured artist searching for approval, in his mind there may be only one way to get it.
Derek Morgan: Suicide. Thanks , Reid.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing, voiceover] "Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over." - Nicole Sobon

Aaron Hotchner: You really don't need to be here if you're not ready. This is gonna take time.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How much time?
Aaron Hotchner: It's hard to say, but we're all here for you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [whispers] Thank you

"Criminal Minds: 52 Pickup (#4.9)" (2008)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [of women in clubs he was trying to warn about the killer] Several of them asked if I'm the unsub.

Derek Morgan: [trying to help Reid learn how to pick up women] What makes you feel confident?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Statistics.
Derek Morgan: No.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I think I'm just going to stay home tonight and man the tipline. Clubs aren't really my thing.
Derek Morgan: Not a chance kid, I need a wingman. Come on.
David Rossi: Actually, there is another angle we need to pursue.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We still don't know what made the unsub change his victimology. What made him stop killing prostitutes and move into the clubs.
David Rossi: The answer might be something in Viper's class. But to figure that out we need to profile the teacher.
Derek Morgan: You need to bait him, then, with somebody he sees as a challenge.
Dr. Spencer Reid: We need to study his style up close and personal. It's gonna take someone he's already attracted to.
Emily Prentiss: Aww. Aww, this is really gonna suck.

Dr. Spencer Reid: How are you doing?
Derek Morgan: Well, I gave out all my flyers.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How many phone numbers did you get?
Derek Morgan: None. I'm working a case here, kid.
[Reid gives him a look]
Derek Morgan: Okay, four were offered, but I didn't take any of them.
[Reid gives him another look]
Derek Morgan: Alright, look, let me school you a little bit. What you have to do with these ladies, just take control of the conversation. When you're talking what makes you feel like an expert?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, statistics
Derek Morgan: No, trust me. No. Something else.
Dr. Spencer Reid: When I do magic.
Derek Morgan: See, that's perfect. Chicks dig magic.

"Criminal Minds: The Uncanny Valley (#5.12)" (2010)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] Isaac Asimov wrote: "in life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate."

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] Mildred Lisette Norman wrote, "Anything you cannot relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness possesses you, and in this materialistic age a great many of us are possessed by our possessions."

Dr. Spencer Reid: [reminiscing about Gideon] I realized why my friend quit. He was tired of repeating the exact same patterns and expecting a different outcome.

Aaron Hotchner: The unsub we're looking for is a woman. She's a collector. It's a psychopathology similar to hoarding.
David Rossi: So when we say "collector", we're not talking about stamps or baseball cards. It's not what your kids, or even you, might pursue as a normal hobby.
Aaron Hotchner: This is an attachment to objects that's become obsessive, by someone who is antisocial and extremely introverted.
Emily Prentiss: These people attach a part of themselves to their collection. If you try to separate them from it or take it away from them, they will react violently, even psychotically.
Dr. Spencer Reid: They've suffered damage to their prefrontal cortex. That's the part of the brain that regulates basic Freudian fantasy/reality. They can still function, like drive a car or go to work, even do their taxes.
Derek Morgan: In fact, she excels at goal-oriented jobs, like the precision of sewing, or the details of abduction.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But they've lost their ability to categorize the difference between living and dead, uh, belonging and loss. That has been irreparably destroyed.
Detective Marty Cotrone: So what's she collecting, women?
David Rossi: Actually, we think she's collecting dolls.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Technically, replacing them. Uh, we believe that she lost the originals sometime within the last three months, and this is what served as her stressor.
David Rossi: She searched for a replacement, and when she couldn't find them, she started abducting the closest possible surrogate.
Emily Prentiss: Women of different ethnicities but a similar physicality.
Derek Morgan: The drug-induced paralysis is part of the fantasy. She puts her victims in a position where they can't talk back so she can fetishize them like the objects she's lost.
Detective Marty Cotrone: Um... look. I respect your analysis, but this woman kidnapped six women and killed three of them. And you're telling us this is about dolls?
Emily Prentiss: This unsub stitched a wig onto the scalp of her latest victim. It's a technique used to attach hair to porcelain dolls.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And keep in mind, collectors and serial killers do share certain traits. Uh... a lot of serial killers take trophies, attaching the same significance to them that this collector does to objects.
David Rossi: But this unsub's intent isn't violence. She needs this collection to be complete so she can feel in control of her life, probably to overcome some trauma she experienced.
Dr. Spencer Reid: She really only feels that control when the collection is complete, which is why she's repeating an abduction pattern with living victims. If she loses a doll, or in this case, if she loses a woman who represents a doll, she has to replace it.
Aaron Hotchner: This woman works alone. We know she has medical training. Look for nurse's aides or orderlies who were fired for a lack of social graces. She can't fake a bedside manner.
Emily Prentiss: We believe she's currently working as a tailor or a seamstress, and we're following those leads now. But do let us know if you notice any overlap in your suspect pools. Thank you.

"Criminal Minds: Tabula Rasa (#3.19)" (2008)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looking at a piece of paper] It's remarkable. Something like this makes you question everything you thought you knew.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah. It's like the Monolith in 2001.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So there was actually a time when something like this was socially acceptable?
Penelope Garcia: Oh... you're young.
[takes the paper from Reid]
Penelope Garcia: The eighties left a lot of people confused.
[a photo of Prentiss from high school is revealed]
Penelope Garcia: This is, uh, especially sad, though.
Emily Prentiss: All right, very funny, you guys. Very funny.
[snatched the paper from Garcia]
Emily Prentiss: What'd you do to it?
Penelope Garcia: Do?
Emily Prentiss: You obviously aletered it in photoshop or something.
[shows the photo to Garcia]
Emily Prentiss: That *hair?*
Penelope Garcia: Oh, no, Pussycat. That - that's all you. Garfield High, Class of '89.
Emily Prentiss: [looking at the photo again] You really didn't change anything?
Penelope Garcia: I hacked it, as is. You're seriously trying to tell me you don't remember rocking that look?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Perhaps your lack of recognition stems from a dissociative fugue suffered in adolescence. Say, at a Siouxsie and the Banshees concert?
Penelope Garcia: [laughs]

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quote, voiceover] "Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower, we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind."

Derek Morgan: [in Hotch's flashback during his testimony] Hey, what's the new tech girl's name?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ah, Gomez, I think.
Derek Morgan: [to Garcia] Excuse me, Gomez!
[Garcia starts walking away]
Derek Morgan: Hey, baby girl!
Penelope Garcia: Baby girl?
Derek Morgan: Ah, forgive me. I just didn't know your real name...
Penelope Garcia: I've been called worse. What can I do for you?

Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: This is our, uh, newest agent, Dr. Spencer Reid
Detective Jarvis: Ted Jarvis. A little young, aren't you? No offence
Dr. Spencer Reid: None taken. In fact neural processing speeds reach their maximum at around age 15,so when it comes to being affected by crime scenes and other graphical visual input, we're all really the same age

"Criminal Minds: Empty Planet (#2.8)" (2006)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you mind if we swing by a book store, I want to re-read Empty Planet before we meet with the author, I haven't read it since I was six.
Derek Morgan: Six? I was still riding my big wheeler at six!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you mind, it'll only take ten minutes.
Jason Gideon: Do buy it or to read it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh both actually.

[last lines]
Derek Morgan: [quoting Spencer] "A young man that I respect is putting his life on the line"?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [to stares] What?
Derek Morgan: Gideon, I couldn't leave that lady alone to die.
Jason Gideon: I didn't say you were wrong.
Jason Gideon: And what he said I said...
Derek Morgan: Yeah?
Jason Gideon: I said.

Aaron Hotchner: We believe the unsub resides in Seattle. All of the attacks, most of which have just involved property damage, have take place here, and the timing and location indicate knowledge of the area. Even though he escalated to a lethal bombing today, we don't believe that that was necessarily his intention.
Derek Morgan: In fact, anyone not directly next to the device received minor injuries. So we think fear may have been the larger motive.
Special Agent Nick Casey: So he's a terrorist, then.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He is, but it's too vague a description for our purposes. Douglas and Olshaker categorize bombers as criminal, group cause, psychologically disorganized, and personal cause bombers. And we believe this guy to be a personal cause bomber.
Aaron Hotchner: And personal cause bombers are motivated by an underlying emotional conflict.
Dr. Spencer Reid: In an interview from prison, the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski, admitted that while he was a graduate student at the University of Michigan, he started having fantasies of becoming a woman. He even got on a list to get a sex change operation, but during a mandatory psychological exam prior to his procedure, he changed his mind. He told the psychologist that he'd made a mistake.
Jason Gideon: But from that moment, through the next three decades of his life, Ted Kaczynski carried out a campaign of isolation and murder.
Derek Morgan: This unsub is male. He lives alone. He's possibly self-employed. He's highly organized, he's meticulous, and he's very smart.
Aaron Hotchner: And he seems odd to those who know him. Angry, distant, prone to sudden violent rage. This is not the kind of guy whose neighbors will be surprised to find out what he's arrested for. This guy's neighbors will have no trouble believing it.
Jason Gideon: Targets appear to be technology, but not the hi-tech variety. The kind of technology we're surrounded by.
Aaron Hotchner: In a city the size of Seattle, we're talking... 10,000 possible targets.

Dr. Spencer Reid: So Seattle's where "it" all began.
Derek Morgan: We just need to figure out what "it" is. And off the top of my head, I can think of grunge music and overpriced coffee.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That doesn't seem significant enough for terrorism.
Jason Gideon: If it's a personal cause bomber, it only needs to be of significance to him.

"Criminal Minds: ...A Thousand Words (#5.20)" (2010)
Derek Morgan: Ugh! This heat is brutal!
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, it isn't so much the heat as it is the humidity.
Derek Morgan: At some point, it doesn't matter how you look at it. It all sucks.

Derek Morgan: Hey, Reid.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's up?
Derek Morgan: Our man here was a prolific journaler.
Emily Prentiss: With teeny, tiny handwriting.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He probably had counseling at some point, where journaling was part of his therapy.
Emily Prentiss: That's what we were thinking.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [not quite sure what's coming] And...?
Derek Morgan: And, well, you know the two of us...
[indicating himself and Prentiss]
Derek Morgan: ...it would take us, like, three days to read all of this stuff.
[pause; Reid purses his lips in consideration]
Dr. Spencer Reid: You guys owe me.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Look at that. At the turn of the 16th century, rose tattoos were put on men who were sentenced to death.
Trooper Pasternak: Really?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, if they escaped, it served to identify them, but now roses pretty much symbolize pure love.
David Rossi: Pure love, right before he kills them.

Emily Prentiss: So, are you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Am I drawing to a flush or am I smart?
Emily Prentiss: Either.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well, I'm, you know, provably a genius, but actually, I was drawing to a full house. Eights over sixes.
Emily Prentiss: I always forget you're from Vegas.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yep.
Emily Prentiss: I'm sorry, not so fast. I too have a boat. Jacks over threes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wait, you drew three cards to a full house? That's, like 100-to-one against.
Emily Prentiss: 97-to-one. Looks like you're out.

"Criminal Minds: The Tribe (#1.16)" (2006)
Dr. Spencer Reid: I notice you don't carry a gun.
John Blackwolf: Twenty-one feet.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
John Blackwolf: Ask Agent Hotchner there. He's the real gun hand.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Why do you say that?
John Blackwolf: You carry two guns.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: The maximum distance an attacker with a knife can close in the time it takes to react, draw your sidearm and fire is twenty-one feet.
John Blackwolf: Inside twenty-one feet, I win. Outside twenty-one, I have other options besides shooting a man.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Like negotiating.
John Blackwolf: Like running.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Why do you say I carry two guns?
John Blackwolf: Your right instep footprint's heavier than your left. And since you don't appear to have a clubbed right foot...
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: You can't tell that from my footprints. There's no perceptible difference.
John Blackwolf: Your problem isn't with your prints. It's with your perception.

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: [indicating the hogtied prisoners] We took down these four.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Without firing a shot?
John Blackwolf: Captain America here shot number five.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: You're welcome. Number six is cut up pretty bad. I don't think he's gonna make it.
John Blackwolf: At least I didn't shoot him.
Derek Morgan: I think I'd rather be shot.

Jennifer Jareau: Terra Mesa, New Mexico. Five dead, all from Mesa University. No signs of sexual assault, and no sign of theft.
Derek Morgan: Five nineteen-year-olds, minimal defensive wounds. One of them was impaled on a six-foot wooden pole.
Elle Greenaway: Who'd want to torture five college freshmen?
Derek Morgan: They weren't tied up and no one escaped?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No single unsub could've exerted this much control over so many people.
Elle Greenaway: So you think there were was more than two.
Jason Gideon: I think we're looking at a pack.
Jennifer Jareau: A pack?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Three or more that kill in unison. As in nature, the group dynamic dictates the pack's survival is dependent on their ability to hunt successfully.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: And as in nature, a pack will keep on killing until it runs out of prey or is stopped.
Elle Greenaway: Stopped by what?
Jason Gideon: A stronger pack.

John Blackwolf: [teaching a school class, BAU just entered in the back] Samuel
Samuel: Yes?
John Blackwolf: Tell the man from the FBI who the Ga'he are
Dr. Spencer Reid: The Ga'he are mighty spirits, who dwell at desert caves
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Reid? Is your name Samuel?
[class giggles]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sorry

"Criminal Minds: The Instincts (#4.6)" (2008)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Dr. Norman gave me permission to sleep on the couch in your room tonight, if it's all right with you.
Diana Reid: [to Dr. Norman] If anyone tries to keep him in here any longer, I'll scratch your eyes out.
Dr. Norman: [to Spencer] One night only.
[Dr. Norman walks away]
Diana Reid: It helps if they think you're crazy. They don't argue.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quote, voiceover] Bob Dylan once said "I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay."

Derek Morgan: I thought you didn't believe in dream analysis?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Freud has been discredited, but Jung still has its merits

Dr. Spencer Reid: Hotch? Do you think it would be possible to wait till tomorrow to return home?
Aaron Hotchner: [Shakes yes; then to Derek] You think you could find something to do in Vegas for the night?

"Criminal Minds: In Heat (#3.17)" (2008)
Derek Morgan: [looking at J.J. and Will kissing in the hallway with Prentiss and Reid] Well, finally.
Emily Prentiss: Mm. I thought she was never going to admit it.
[walks away]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, what's it been like, a year?
[follows Prentiss]
Derek Morgan: Yeah, something like that.
[walks away, opposite of Reid and Prentiss]

Detective Tina Lopez: This Garcia girl of yours is good.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's an understatement.
Detective Tina Lopez: Hey, you can't go wrong with a Latina at the controls.
Derek Morgan: Yeah, that's my girl. But, uh, she's not nearly as Latino as the name sounds.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Gets out of the car] Ah! Is it always as hot?
Derek Morgan: [Looking at girls walking by] Every day holiday!
David Rossi: That's South Beach!
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, that's not what I am talking about
Aaron Hotchner: They know

Emily Prentiss: He could be suffering from cluster B
Detective Tina Lopez: Cluster B?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ah, cluster of personality disorders. It's also called a erratic, dramatic emotional cluster. An enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that differentiates itself markedly from the expectations the individual's cultures. It manifests...
Derek Morgan: [Interrupts Reid] This guy is a sick dude!
[Reid nods yes]

"Criminal Minds: The Boogeyman (#2.6)" (2006)
Derek Morgan: So, why the woods, JJ?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Hmmm?
Derek Morgan: Your fear, you said it was of the woods.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Err, I used to be a camp counselor when I was a teenager, in the woods up around Vermont. I had the night shift, you know, tuck the girls in, turn off the lights, you know, the typical drill. Everything seemed fine. The kids were asleep, you know, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Until... I noticed that there was some blood, on the hallway floor. So I followed the blood trail down the hall to the camp director's cabin, walked up to his bed, and... he was just lying there, under his covers, dead. Someone stabbed him. I ran out of there so fast, out the door, down the hall. I can just remember it being really dark. Once I got to the door, there was another counselor; I guess she heard me scream. They caught the caretaker on his way in to town. I guess he still had the knife on him. Anyway, I guess that's probably when I decided I didn't like the woods.
Derek Morgan: You're serious?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: [sips coffee looking serious and pauses] No!
[shakes head]
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: I mean you fell for that?
[they laugh]
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Come on! I don't know why I'm afraid of the woods! I am. Why is he still afraid of the dark?
Derek Morgan: Yeah, Reid why are you still afraid of the dark?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Because of the inherent absence of light!
[they laugh]

Dr. Spencer Reid: Elle was cleared?
Derek Morgan: It was self defense
Dr. Spencer Reid: So it was a good shoot?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Well, she hit what she was aiming for
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's not what I meant
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: I know!

Dr. Spencer Reid: Did you get anything?
Penelope Garcia: Only that the Finnigans House on the hill is a Bates Hotel of its own Ozona, Texas
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know, I heard the legend
Penelope Garcia: Reid, seriously, people that go into that house supposedly never come out! Spooky
Dr. Spencer Reid: Garcia! Could you please pretend not to enjoy that rumor so much, as I'd actually entered the house?
Penelope Garcia: Sensitive! Sorry

Dr. Spencer Reid: Here's a question: if a tree falls in a forest does it make a sound if there is nobody there to hear it?
Derek Morgan: What the hell are you reading over there?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm just thinking

"Criminal Minds: What Happens at Home... (#6.10)" (2010)
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was remediated in the academy also... what was my issue - marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's Alley, you know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Well, the fact of the matter is, "Beam me up, Scotty," was never actually said. The closest they ever got was "Scotty, beam us up" in "The Gamesters of Triskelion" and "The Savage Curtain" episode, but interestingly enough...
Derek Morgan: Reid, come on. Give it a rest.

Penelope Garcia: [via phone] And that is the whole kit and caboodle on each of your 64 suspects. Nothing really stands out. They're all pretty plain.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's pretty much the main issue we're going to have here.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah. Vanilla doesn't make your job any easier.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, it does not.
Penelope Garcia: So, how's it going with the agent whose father was a... You know?
Dr. Spencer Reid: How'd you know that?
Penelope Garcia: I might have looked into someone's hidden background... What? I am not gonna let some strange new person travel with my family and not find out who they are.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well, she seems fine.
Penelope Garcia: What is that in your voice?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's what in my voice?
Penelope Garcia: Oh, my God, you think she's pretty.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What? I never said that.
Penelope Garcia: You totally do. P.G. out, lover boy.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Has anyone vetted them?
David Rossi: Garcia's doing a separate check on police and security staff.
Ashley Seaver: Why?
David Rossi: Law enforcement and security are the kind of jobs that would attract this UnSub.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Dennis Rader, BTK, was a compliance officer in Park City, Kansas. Kenneth Bianchi, one of the Hillside Stranglers, worked as a security guard in California and Washington.
David Rossi: Psychopaths love official jobs and uniforms.

"Criminal Minds: I Love You, Tommy Brown (#7.17)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: I will never understand this whole teacher lover thing. I can barely deal with a grown man.
David Rossi: What's interesting is, if it would have been a male teacher and a female student, he'd have gotten 20 years and none of this would have happened.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, she could get life plus 20 for all those murders she committed.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, it's funny. If she wasn't so pretty, she probably would never have been released in the first place.
Penelope Garcia: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's true. Unattractive female predators serve a longer prison sentence than their attractive counterparts.
Penelope Garcia: Wow. That's ridiculous.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's primal. There's a hierarchy to everything, including sex offenders.

Dr. Spencer Reid: So I checked the pregnant employees working with the foster program; no indication of maternal desire or postpartum psychosis.
[sits in front of Hotchner]
Aaron Hotchner: What about those who were fired or quit?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Only two were pregnant, but they also had healthy children. The rest didn't fit the profile.
Aaron Hotchner: Okay. We need to warn other parents in the foster system.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [subdued] The police department's already making phone calls.
Derek Morgan: [sits down with Jennifer as Reid looks on] This woman is erratic and unstable. What about someone who was recently released from a mental institution?
Jennifer Jareau: [off-screen] Well, that would explain taking the last victim's clothes. When you enter a facility, they strip you of your identity.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And when you get out of an institution, the first thing you do is try to get your identity back.
Aaron Hotchner: [tapping on a device] I'll get Garcia.

Derek Morgan: For someone on a spree, this unsub sure is patient.
Dr. Spencer Reid: If he's so patient, what is it that he's waiting for?

Aaron Hotchner: We believe the unsub we're looking for is a white female who, based upon the organizational level of the crimes, is in her late 30s to early 40s.
Emily Prentiss: We also believe that something in the last few days has triggered her to think that killing was the only way she was gonna be able to obtain a child. Consequently, the foster families that did not have a child in their care when she visited became her victims.
David Rossi: Because all these families recently had children in their homes, we believe our unsub is motivated by maternal desire.
Jennifer Jareau: Maternal desire is the profound emotional need to mother a baby. This stems from either the tragic loss of her own child, or the inability to have one at all.
Dr. Spencer Reid: This unsub may also fantasize that someone else's baby belongs to her, and this emotion feels beyond her control. A... a woman who miscarries sometimes projects onto someone else's baby, and then sets out to take that child.
Derek Morgan: This may cause our unsub to do something drastic, like commit a Caesarian abduction, or kidnap a random kid. The speed at which the kills are occurring suggests that our unsub is frustrated and devolving.
Jennifer Jareau: This is causing her to go on a spree, which usually ends in a very high body count and suicide by cop.
Derek Morgan: So we should look at anyone who was pregnant and suffering from postpartum psychosis.
David Rossi: We also need to check those who worked for or had access to the local foster system.
Aaron Hotchner: Thank you. Any questions?
[all of the local police officers raise their hands]

"Criminal Minds: The Fox (#1.7)" (2005)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: He's so gorgeous.
Dr. Spencer Reid: If you find baldness and wrinkles attractive.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Are you hacking into the government HMO database? Is that legal?
Penelope Garcia: Of course not. We'll both go to prison and you'll be someones bitch.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Really?

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: [Looking at baby Jack] It's so gorgeous
Haley Hotchner: Thank you
Dr. Spencer Reid: If you find baldness and wrinkles attractive
Penelope Garcia: Look at his little, witty, bitty nose!
[to Derek who walks in]
Penelope Garcia: Don't you want one of these?
Derek Morgan: Hm, I'll stick to practicing

Dr. Spencer Reid: How about pharmaceuticals? Nobody gets therapy these days without a healthy dose of medication
Penelope Garcia: What are you implying, Reid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: That everyone is medicated
Penelope Garcia: Did you just make a joke?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No! I meant statistics. They... they show it...
Penelope Garcia: Next time just say "Yes" okay?

"Criminal Minds: Gatekeeper (#9.7)" (2013)
David Rossi: Right over there, that's where I saw Caroline the first time
Dr. Spencer Reid: No offence Rossi, but this place is kind of a dump
David Rossi: No, back then it wasn't. Back then the biggest names would come here: Creedence, the Eagles, Chigaco. It was a marine bar, they played for us, jarheads.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What was Caroline doing here?
David Rossi: Waiting for Ringo. Beatlemania was no joke. I mean, it would make the women crazy. She write them a letter once a week, begging the band to come visit
Dr. Spencer Reid: And they'd ever come?
David Rossi: Ringo did, after his divorce, but luckily Caroline met me first

Dr. Spencer Reid: His area of control is relatively small and includes a number of residential and commercials buildings. In fact in a 3 miles radios in a city of a population of 636,479 over 48.2 miles broken approximately 39,549.23 people living in his comfort zone
Derek Morgan: How many of them male?
Dr. Spencer Reid: 18,944.08

Aaron Hotchner: And to Dr. Spencer Reid who may be adding MD to an already impressive list of credentials
Derek Morgan: And to Spencer Johnson, that he prove to be the child prodigy like his name says
Alex Blake: How on earth did you know what to do?
Dr. Spencer Reid: When JJ was pregnant with Henry I memorized the delivery manuals, just in case she went into labor in the field. I have to admit the practical application did not quite live up to the theory.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quote] "The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them" - Frank Clark

"Criminal Minds: 3rd Life (#3.12)" (2008)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Jack has his daughter's kidnapper at gunpoint] Jack, you swore to your wife you'd protect Lindsey. Listen to her, Jack. Listen to what she wants. She's... she's begging you to kill somebody right in front of her. What do you think your wife wanted you to protect her from? Jack... your life has been, uh... it's been about violence, and if... you do this, Lindsey's will be, too. Do you want that?
Ryan Phillips: [pleading] No, you don't want that.
Dr. Spencer Reid: When does it end, Jack?
Ryan Phillips: Put down the gun.
Lindsey: [whispering] Kill him.
Dr. Spencer Reid: When does it stop?
Jack Vaughan: Tomorrow.
[shotgun blast]

Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, statistically, actually 43 percent of predators...

Derek Morgan: Are you okay, Reid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I tried.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I tried, but I couldn't.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Garcia reads Lindsey's files] Sounds familiar
Penelope Garcia: It should! It's the exact life story of a girl named Lindsey in a book called The Emerald Sea of Dreams. I've read it like five times.

"Criminal Minds: In the Blood (#9.6)" (2013)
Penelope Garcia: Hey, could you check my refrigerator and see if I have enough hot sauce?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You have some jalapeno sauce here next to this jar of eyeballs.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote] "After all, what is every man but a horde of ghosts? Oaks that were acorns that were oaks" - Walter de la Mare

Dr. Spencer Reid: Just sedimentary conglomerates with rounded clasts
Sgt. Joe Mahaffey: If you say so

Dr. Spencer Reid: What used to be up here? The dirt road leading in seems rather substantial
Sgt. Joe Mahaffey: Salt mining. Hauled this stuff out by the truckloads. These hills filled a hell of a lot saltshakers
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually less than 6% of salt in the US is used for food. The fast majority goes for de-icing roads and snow control

"Criminal Minds: Epilogue (#7.6)" (2011)
Derek Morgan: [Irritatedly] Come on, guys. Gentle lights, shadowy figures? Those are the lights in the emergency room and the doctors hovering over the patients, we all know that. No one actually sees the afterlife.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I did.
[Everyone in the room turns to look at him]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Before Tobias Hankel resuscitated me, I had that exact experience, and I wasn't in an emergency room. I was in a shed.
Derek Morgan: [More gently] Reid, you never told me that.

Emily Prentiss: [looking at Hotch and Garcia] I so don't miss that face.
Jennifer Jareau: No matter how many cases we solve, there's always more.
Emily Prentiss: Insert Dr. Reid's statistic about active serial killers at any given time here. Reid?
Jennifer Jareau: Spencer...
Dr. Spencer Reid: There's something wrong.
Emily Prentiss: Why do you say that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's been reading the same page for 16 minutes and 24 seconds.
Emily Prentiss: Maybe, it's a really good article.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's never taken him longer than 11 minutes 17 seconds to turn a page.
Emily Prentiss: You time how long it...
[seeing JJ's nod]
Emily Prentiss: What's your theory?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm extrapolating probabilities as we speak.

Jennifer Jareau: Now, that I noticed.
Derek Morgan: Is something going on?
Emily Prentiss: How did it go the other night?
Derek Morgan: What happened the other night?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You okay?
David Rossi: Well, why wouldn't I be?
Jennifer Jareau: You seem distracted.
David Rossi: I'm considering a purchase.
Derek Morgan: Come on, now, Rossi, you know we're not buying that. What's really going on?
David Rossi: Look, it was a late night with Ringo and not enough coffee. I mean, the guy's a world-class drummer, but don't think I didn't wipe the floor with him in Rock Band.
Jennifer Jareau: All right, what do you think?
Emily Prentiss: He could be telling the truth. I only played him to the easy level.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I can't tell.
David Rossi: And you never will.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Let's get started.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm a man of science. I didn't know how to deal with it. There's no quantifiable proof that God exists, and yet, in that moment I was faced with something that I couldn't explain. I still can't.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: What if this UnSub has had a similar experience and this is his way of looking for answers?
David Rossi: If that's the case, why kill Jake Shepherd? Why not just talk to him?
Emily Prentiss: He wanted to see if he had the same experience as before.
Jennifer Jareau: Once isn't enough?
Emily Prentiss: Not if Jake didn't see the same thing the UnSub did. He wants to know if the experience can change. I can relate to that. Reid felt a warmth and saw a light. When I coded in the ambulance, all I felt was cold and darkness. And I would like to think that there's a different future waiting for me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You actually died?
Derek Morgan: All right, but resuscitation is hit or miss. He can't guarantee that he can actually bring anyone back, let alone that anyone will remember what happened in their moment of so-called death.
David Rossi: Reid, what's the best way to make sure his victims had an experience?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Keep them dead longer.

"Criminal Minds: Jones (#2.18)" (2007)
Ethan: So how are you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm fine.
Ethan: You're not fine. I'm a jazz musician in New Orleans. I know what it looks like when someone's not well. This may be the one time I can tell you something, you don't already know. You're surrounded by the best minds in the world. And if I notice...
[Ethan shakes his hand]
Ethan: Well... for a genius that's just dumb.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I guess I needed to see if I could step away.
Jason Gideon: And...?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'll never miss another plane again.

Coroner: Four layers of fatty tissue sliced through like butter. I only seen that three other times.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You worked this case initially?
Coroner: Yeah, you don't forget victims like this. It's like they were dissected.
Emily Prentiss: I can still smell the alcohol on him.
Coroner: This *is* New Orleans. Dead or alive, it's a smell you get used to.

Derek Morgan: You gonna tell me why you missed that flight to Galveston?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I already told you, there was no cell reception.
Derek Morgan: [skeptically] Right.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Derek Morgan: Reid, any time you want to come up with a better answer, I'm standing right here.

"Criminal Minds: Devil's Night (#6.6)" (2010)
Lt. Al Garner: Do you know how rare it is for an arsonist to be a burn victim?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Less than 3.5%.
Derek Morgan: This guy's not an arsonist. He's a serial killer who uses fire.

Emily Prentiss: [Reid is rambling about Halloween] All I did was ask what he was doing this weekend.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm toying with the notion of either going to the Edgar Allan Poe Shadow Puppet Theater or the reenactment of the 19th century Phantasmagoria.
David Rossi: I don't wanna know.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Oh, yeah, you do.

Dr. Spencer Reid: The cool thing about Halloween is that it's a uniquely American holiday. I mean, despite its obvious origins in the Celtic festival of Samhain and the Christian All Saints' Day, it really is a melting pot of various immigrants' traditions and beliefs. It became a little more commercialized in the 1950s with trick-or-treat, and today it rivals only Christmas in terms of popularity.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Phantasmagorias are these amazing pre-cinema projected ghost shows invented in France, where the showman attempted to spook the audience using science magic. And it just so happens that I have an extra ticket.
Penelope Garcia: Tempting.

"Criminal Minds: The Apprenticeship (#8.6)" (2012)
Derek Morgan: You're gonna like this, kid. I promise. See it and hit it. Just relax. Here we go.
[Reid misses a ball]
Derek Morgan: Okay, okay. First try. Keep your eye on the ball.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Gravity plus drag coefficient plus magnus... I see what you're saying. If I can adjust the velocity of my swing...
Derek Morgan: No, what I'm saying is get out of your head. Just feel it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Feel it. Feel it.
Derek Morgan: Don't think. Just feel it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Just feel. Don't think. Just feel it.
Derek Morgan: Here it comes.
[Reid misses another ball]
Derek Morgan: Reid, that's not feeling it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm feeling like an idiot.

Derek Morgan: [points at a kissing young couple] Reid? You remember those days?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Not really.
Derek Morgan: Where did you hang out as a teenager?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Library, chemistry lab, library...
Derek Morgan: No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about normal, non-genius teenage type of stuff. Malls, coffee shops, parks.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing, voiceover] "The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your own riches, but to reveal to him his own." - Benjamin Disraeli.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Were there any other victims?
Penelope Garcia: Eh... actually yes, but not of the human variety. In the last month six puppies have been suffocated and beaten and thank God there are no photos, because I draw the line at dead dogs

"Criminal Minds: The Performer (#5.7)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] In all the darkest pages of the maligned supernatural, there is no more terrible tradition than that of the vampire, a pariah even among demons. -writer Montague Summers

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [JJ and Reid are on the phone with Garcia. Reid is working at a glass evidence board. JJ sists in a chair] Penelope?
Penelope Garcia: Are we in yet?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: All yours.
Penelope Garcia: [sighs] I always feel skeevy going through someone's life like this.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay, so everything looks like it's password protected so you might not even be able to... you're in already, aren't you?
Penelope Garcia: Password was "Cullen."
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Of course.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looks over] "*Colon?*"
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: *Cullen.* The vampire family from Twilight.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's Twilight?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Do you ever read anything other than technical books.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Mm. Not much in English.
[looks back to his work]
Penelope Garcia: Okay I'll see what I can dredge. My love is strong.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay. Thanks.
[hangs up]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: How's the profile coming?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know. I never really feel ready, you know?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You'll be fine. I'm gonna go to talk to Tara's BFF before the media requests come in and it gets too crazy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's a BFF?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [sighs] Best friend forever.

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: You're in already, aren't you?
Garcia: Password was "Cullen".
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Of course.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Colon?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: *Cullen.* The vampire family from Twilight.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's Twilight?

Emily Prentiss: It never ceases to amaze me how dark obsession can get.
David Rossi: And with a pop star? I mean, I was obsessed with the Rat Pack, but I wouldn't have killed for Frank or Dean.
Aaron Hotchner: No, you just drank whiskey and smoked cigars.
David Rossi: Oh, and this coming from the man whose favorite record is the Beatles' 'White Album'.
Aaron Hotchner: Just because Manson hijacked it doesn't have to ruin it for the rest of us.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's why I stick to Beethoven. There's no chance of guilt by association.
Emily Prentiss: Well, yeah? Have you ever seen a movie called "A Clockwork Orange"?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [shaking his head] Mm-mmm.
[the rest of the team snickers with laughter]

"Criminal Minds: Pay It Forward (#8.19)" (2013)
Alex Blake: A 25-year dormancy period is highly unusual.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But not unheard of. A number of serial killers have had long intervals of time between kills. BTK, Jeffrey Dahmer, the Keystone Killer, Jack the Ripper and the Zodiac Killer appear to have even stopped completely.

Dr. Spencer Reid: The removing of heads has an interesting history. In medieval times it was considered an honorable way to be executed, reserved for noblemen and knights.

Wanda Sullivan: Is the FBI gonna be at the town meeting tonight?
Sam: Yes, ma'am.
Wanda Sullivan: Do you think it's smart? People hear the FBI is in town, they're gonna get scared.
David Rossi: No offense, but I think it's the head without the body and the body without the head that has people scared.
Dr. Spencer Reid: We'll just be there to answer questions, hopefully give some reassurance.
Wanda Sullivan: I think it's a mistake.
[leaves the room]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Bye.
David Rossi: Was it my cologne?
Sam: Don't take it personal. We used to call her Cyclone Sullivan.

Dr. Spencer Reid: This unsub is either very lucky or very good

"Criminal Minds: Pleasure Is My Business (#4.16)" (2009)
[going through a victim's finances]
Dr. Spencer Reid: 18 cars, 6 houses and 3 boats. Can you even boat in Dallas?

Emily Prentiss: I don't get it. I thought Hotch said we were gonna meet a madam here.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, there's a lot of overlap between real estate and sex work. Uh, property is a safe and inspection-free investment for large sums of cash. Your brownstone used to be owned by a gigolo.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Female serial killers are a fascinating field. We don't have much information on them, but what we do know involves throwing the rules completely out the window. Signature, for instance. They don't torture or take trophies.
Derek Morgan: Because there's no sexual gratification when a woman kills.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Exactly. Murder is the goal. They don't have to do anything extra.

Dr. Spencer Reid: What about the, uhm, type of work, your, uhm, employers do? We're sure under the assumption that this escort is, uhm, killing men who, ehm, make her perform a specific sexual act
Lauren: What do you have in mind, sweetie?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't even... I don't know

"Criminal Minds: Ashes and Dust (#2.19)" (2007)
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: The unsub we're looking for is a highly intelligent, underachieving, 35 to 45 year old white male with a severe narcissistic character disorder.
Jason Gideon: Nothing in his life works for long. If he was married, he's now divorced. If employed, it won't last.
Derek Morgan: What he wants is admiration, but he's got no respect for others. Not their feelings, and most certainly not their safety.
Jason Gideon: He feels entitled. He's like a petulant adolescent. He both resents and he absolutely expects others to take care of him.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: And given that a male relative wouldn't tolerate this behavior, he most likely lives with a female relative; his mother, grandmother, aunt, whom he exploits.
Derek Morgan: His arson kit is expensive. Fire suit, oxygen mask. This suggests that he may be employed, but his personality will not allow him to work closely with others in an office setting.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: This, along with the information about his vehicle, lead us to believe that he's a traveling salesman of some sort who works for a company big enough not to notice that he's a sociopath.
Det. Leah Castro: Okay, this scumbag has issues. We all get it. But why fire?
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's, uh, like a drug addict. Only fire's his drug, and each time an addict needs a fix, they need more of the drug to get off. So his crimes will most likely get much worse. It would be almost impossible for him to quit without help.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Statistically 94% of all serial arsonists are male, 75% are white, and a few, if any, are ever caught
Emily Prentiss: Few? You don't have a percentage?
Dr. Spencer Reid: 16%... and those 16% set 30-plus fires before they are apprehended. I am trying to be more conversational
Emily Prentiss: Ooh, it's not working

Dr. Spencer Reid: This place is great! They have their own espresso machine!
Jennifer Jareau: Eh, Dr. Reid? This is detective Castro, she is with the SFPD liaison
Dr. Spencer Reid: Burned my hand on the espresso machine
[picks up a first aid box and unintentionally drops the contents]
Det. Leah Castro: A genius you said?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, eh... his coordination drops off when he is thinking

Penelope Garcia: She shoots... she scores... the crowd goes wild...
[... ]
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's Garcia on line one
Penelope Garcia: Brace yourselves. I am gonna teach you the meaning of LUST!
Jason Gideon: Did she say: lust?
Penelope Garcia: Mm, mm, I cross-referenced every known fact on the victims and I just found a website that links both Dennis Cutler and Matthew Jarvis' companies: a list of companies guilty of L.U.S.T.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: I am missing something
Penelope Garcia: Leaking Underground Storage Tanks

"Criminal Minds: Perennials (#8.11)" (2012)
Alex Blake: [sees Reid writing formulae] I always wondered what Spencer Reid's grocery list looked like.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's actually Riemann's hypothesis.
Alex Blake: Which is?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a mathematical conjecture from the 19th century that states that the Riemann Zeta function zeroes all lie on the critical line.
Alex Blake: Yeah, I get it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I noodle it from time to time. It sort of helps me unwind, you know?
Alex Blake: Well, since we're on the subject of unwinding, how'd your date go?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, had to cancel at the last minute.
Alex Blake: Oh? You did or she did?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Um, sort of both did. But... it's fine. I talked to her this morning and things are good.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening, voiceover] "I have never yet heard of a murderer who was not afraid of a ghost." - John Philpot Curran

Penelope Garcia: Do you have any idea how many people are born on earth every day?
Dr. Spencer Reid: 358,197 approximately
Penelope Garcia: I did not want an answer to that question!

"Criminal Minds: Broken (#8.15)" (2013)
Penelope Garcia: Let's see. June 22, 1992, Supreme Court ruled Minnesota hate crime laws violated free speech. The defendant burned a cross on the front yard of an African-American family's house who lived next door.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Nothing in the UnSub's profile suggests racial motivation, though.
David Rossi: No, but the cross has me thinking. Many religions suggest that following through on homosexual desires invites condemnation. What if the UnSub is struggling with his faith? Garcia, are there any 6:22 Bible passages that are relevant?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, I thought of that, but the most popular one is Matthew 6:22, and it has to do with lights and eyes. I don't see how that fits.
Derek Morgan: All right, let's look at this another way. What are the passages that specifically relate to homosexuality?
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's it. He's not saying 6:22. He's saying 18:22. As in Leviticus 18:22, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind, for it is an abomination."
David Rossi: He converted 18:22 to 6:22 p.m., like military time.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe, the UnSub suffered abuse at the hand of someone citing God's will that he should change.
David Rossi: It wouldn't be the first time someone took the good book and twisted it for their own agenda.
Derek Morgan: Okay, but if you wanted to change someone's sexual orientation, how could you do it? I mean, you're not gonna guilt somebody into that.
Penelope Garcia: I'm seeing some stuff about an ex-gay movement. It looks like some kind of a 12-step program.
David Rossi: A 12-step program usually doesn't traumatize the participant.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But conversion therapy might. Several conversion camps have been shut down recently 'cause their methods border on torture.
Derek Morgan: Yeah, but why would any faith condone the torture of children?
David Rossi: None of them would. Even a religion that frowns on homosexuality, none of them would cross that line.
Derek Morgan: Garcia, are there conversion camps in the area?
Penelope Garcia: I got a hit. Camp Willing operates just outside of Austin. Their motto is, "It's time to change." And guess which biblical passage is on their home page.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Garcia poses a theory] You know, Garcia might be right!
Penelope Garcia: It happens

"Criminal Minds: Lucky (#3.8)" (2007)
Emily Prentiss: Satanic cults... They were debunked as a suburban myth.
[Rossi stares at her]
Emily Prentiss: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Rossi's the one who debunked them.
Emily Prentiss: Oh, yeah...

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So killer satanic cults don't exist, but satanic serial killers do?
David Rossi: 'Lasciate ogne speranza voi ch'intrate'
[walks out the door]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Huh, thanks for clearing that up
Dr. Spencer Reid: Eh, it's from Dante's Inferno: abandon hope all he who enter here
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So that was a "yes"?
Aaron Hotchner: A big "yes"

David Rossi: We never found any evidence of a killer satanic cult! In reality there are only two types of violent satanic criminals
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ah, type one: teens Satanists, assume satanic identity to rebel. Minor crimes, theft and vandalism, to churches, schools, symbols of authority. When combined with drugs and alcohol, they may turn violent
David Rossi: Yes, in extreme cases, deadly... That was out of my book, word for word!
Derek Morgan: Oh, trust us: we know!

"Criminal Minds: Profiler, Profiled (#2.12)" (2006)
Jason Gideon: [about Det. Gordinksi suspecting Morgan is a serial killer] We're dealing with a desperate detective here. Three dead boys, no evidence at all. So he applies a profile directly to someone he already suspected. It's easy to get tunnel vision that way.
Dr. Spencer Reid: One begins to twist facts to suit theories instead of instead of theories to suit facts. It's one of Sherlock Holmes' favorite quotes.

Aaron Hotchner: Physics magic?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, sir.
Aaron Hotchner: Reid, we talked about this.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm sorry, sir.
Aaron Hotchner: [smiling] You're really starting to get some distance on these things.

Jennifer Jareau: [JJ, Garcia and Reid look at a black film capsule on Reid's desk] Nothing is happening
Dr. Spencer Reid: [high pitch voice] Sst! Watch!
Penelope Garcia: [capsule lifts off] Ah!
Emily Prentiss: [walks in and gets hit by capsule] Oh! Au! What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I am so sorry, I am
Emily Prentiss: What was that?
Penelope Garcia: Don't you recognize a rocket when you see one?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was merely demonstrating a physics law, I... I didn't mean to...
Emily Prentiss: Oh, show me!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Alright, eh, turn around please!
Emily Prentiss: Turn around?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, he's not going to show you how it's done
Dr. Spencer Reid: Magician doesn't reveal its secrets
Emily Prentiss: I thought you said it was physics!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Physics magic!
Penelope Garcia: Trust me: it will do not any good to argue with him
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Prepares the rocket] Alright, alright, turn back and observe
Jennifer Jareau, Penelope Garcia, Emily Prentiss: Oh!
Aaron Hotchner: [Picks rocket up which landed just before his feet] Physics magic?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes sir!
Aaron Hotchner: Reid, we talked about this.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I am sorry sir!
Aaron Hotchner: [Smiles] Well you really start to get some distance on this!
Emily Prentiss: So he does have a sense of humor?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sometimes.

"Criminal Minds: Bully (#9.11)" (2013)
David Rossi: Hey? You're sure you're okay?
Alex Blake: Oh yeah! It's nothing.
Dr. Spencer Reid: A couple of inches to your right and he could have hit your brachial artery. All things considered you were extraordinarily lucky.
Alex Blake: Yeah, luck had nothing to do with it, I'm practically bullet proof.
David Rossi: Yeah, I heard that about you.

Aaron Hotchner: Everything alright?
Alex Blake: Ehm, yeah, sorry, just, I'm distracted.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Perfectly understandable. Familiar sounds, visual cues, even olfactory inputs can trigger memories and emotions we thought were long gone; happens to me every time I go home too.
Aaron Hotchner: When was the last time you were back?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's been like 422 days.
Aaron Hotchner: I was talking to Blake!
Alex Blake: Ah, it's been about 5 years.
Aaron Hotchner: It's a long time.
Alex Blake: Yeah, once I got out of Kansas City I pretty much wanted to stay out!

Jennifer Jareau: [looking at crime scene pictures] Hm, looks brutal!
David Rossi: Classic overkill
Dr. Spencer Reid: Stripped and wearing women's underwear that, I am assuming, weren't his
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, all of his clothes where found nearby, his skivvies included

"Criminal Minds: Distress (#2.17)" (2007)
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'll map out the area and see if I can find any places the victims would have visited in the neighborhood.
Emily Prentiss: Good. Maybe we can find a connection between them. I'll help you with that.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I can handle it.
Emily Prentiss: I wasn't suggesting that you couldn't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Isn't that what "I'll help you with it" means?

Jennifer Jareau: Just three dead man and no witnesses
Aaron Hotchner: We're looking for a homicidal serial criminal in a neighborhood populated by criminals. The challenge will be separating him from the rest
Dr. Spencer Reid: Here we have no evidence, no apparent interaction between the unsub and the victims, pre or post mortem and an indistinguishable M.O. Should be simple!

[Garcia calls]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah? What'd you have?
Penelope Garcia: Why isn't Derek answering his phone?
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's probably stuck underground somewhere.
Penelope Garcia: Underground?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'll explain later

"Criminal Minds: Revelations (#2.15)" (2007)
Dr. Spencer Reid: You're not Raphael.
Tobias Hankel: Do I look like Raphel?

Tobias Hankel: You killed him!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Tobias.
Tobias Hankel: Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?

Tobias Hankel: You know Leviticus!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Every word of the Bible. I can recite it!
Tobias Hankel: Devil knows how to read too

"Criminal Minds: The Pact (#8.2)" (2012)
Penelope Garcia: [badgering Rossi about his unused vacation days] Everyone likes vacation.
David Rossi: Vacations are overrated.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Didn't you take a vacation two years ago?
David Rossi: Luckily, two days in I was called back.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, and now he's got thirty-one days.
Alex Blake: A month?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, sunshine is an essential source of Vitamin D. You should go to Florida and get some sunshine.
David Rossi: That's for old guys.
Derek Morgan: What about a safari in Africa?
David Rossi: Too hot.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How about Italy?
David Rossi: Too many relatives.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, dragging is steeped in English history. Back in the 11th century, drawing and quartering was a common form of punishment, and in fact, they would also disembowel and behead the victims when they were done with them.

Alex Blake: Can we rewind for a second? Is... is it possible to kill someone in San Diego and then drive two and a half hours up to L.A. and then do it again?
Dr. Spencer Reid: If you drove a V8 engine with a single plane crankshaft 80 miles per hour in good traffic, you took the I-5 to the 405 to the 10 east, got off on La Cienega, went right on Washington, north on Vermont, and then snuck up Selma using the back alley, you could do it in an hour, 42 minutes, and still have time for tacos.
Alex Blake: [to JJ, stunned] Wow.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah.

"Criminal Minds: Minimal Loss (#4.3)" (2008)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote, voiceover] "To follow by faith alone is to follow blindly." - Benjamin Franklin.

Benjamin Cyrus: Savages they call us, because our manners differ from theirs
Nancy Lunde: We didn't come here to hear you cite scripture, Mr. Cyrus
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually it's Benjamin Franklin

Dr. Spencer Reid: You're using solar power?
Benjamin Cyrus: Yeah, we're completely self sufficient. Electricity, food, water. Ben Franklin said: God helps those that helps themselves. You look surprised
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, uh, impressed actually
Benjamin Cyrus: Thank you
Dr. Spencer Reid: For what?
Benjamin Cyrus: For admitting that!

"Criminal Minds: It Takes a Village (#7.1)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: If you want to punish me for taking a risk, then I encourage you to do that, but do not put the rest of my team on trial for something that I suggested.
Senator Cramer: Calm down, agent.
Dr. Spencer Reid: This *is* calm, and it's 'doctor'.

Emily Prentiss: [Bursting into the interrogation room after hearing Reid tell Doyle that he thinks the BAU should trade him for Declan] No! We are not letting him outta here, Reid!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Emily, I will chain myself to him if I have to!
Emily Prentiss: He'll find a way to escape!
Dr. Spencer Reid: No he won't, and we're running out of time! If we find McDermott now, we have a chance to save Declan!

Aaron Hotchner: Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team. As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle. But the doctors were able to stabilize her, and she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under covert exfiltration. Her identity was strictly need to know. And she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris, where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to, for her security.
Penelope Garcia: She's alive?
Dr. Spencer Reid: But we buried her.
Aaron Hotchner: As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues, they should be directed toward me.
Derek Morgan: [angry] Any issues? Yeah, I got issues.
[Prentiss appears in the doorway]
Penelope Garcia: [near tears] Oh, my God.

"Criminal Minds: Natural Born Killer (#1.8)" (2005)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Pull up James Baker's rap sheet. He spent time in juvenile detention for attempted murder, was released at age 21, and then subsequently arrested for - and this is in order - armed robbery, petty theft, burglary, narcotics sales, and rape.
Elle Greenaway: But there's no other sexual assault complaints in his file.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Absolutely nothing. Told you it was interesting.
Penelope Garcia: What's so interesting about that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: When it comes to psychological behavior, anything is possible, but this criminal history, it just isn't probable. I mean, as a minor, he began with attempted murder and then devolved into pettier crimes? It's the criminal history of a fractured schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder. It just does not make sense.
Elle Greenaway: Unless someone made that rap sheet up, and they weren't thinking about the behavior; they just plugged in whatever sounded good.

Elle Greenaway: [about a phone tap] Is this gonna work?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The beam is reflected from the window pane according to the law of optics
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, the angel of instance is equal to the angle of reflection
Elle Greenaway: Uh, huh! Is it gonna work?

Penelope Garcia: [about to watch a tape] 10 bucks if this involves naked co-ed's and a plumber
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Penelope Garcia: Never mind!

"Criminal Minds: Run (#7.24)" (2012)
Emily Prentiss: No, it's more personal than that. It's their story.
Derek Morgan: What?
Emily Prentiss: All of the details are a part of their story. Their timeline suggests they were both destructive before they met.
Erin Strauss: So, we're talking about ex-military turning on their country.
Emily Prentiss: It's rare, but soldiers become disenfranchised no matter what the nationality. And if he met someone like-minded at that time, there'd be no stopping them.
Aaron Hotchner: So, you're thinking they met during the civil unrest in Chad in '08.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, and one or both of them are pilots.
Emily Prentiss: So, if Garcia concentrates on that region, specifically weapons running in and out of Libya, there's a good chance we'll find their paths crossed.
Penelope Garcia: Okay, multiple entries into Libya from a private pilot named Matthew Downs in '08, but I don't have her name.
Emily Prentiss: Well, because she had aliases. It's the only way to stay a ghost. Here's the thing. They are a couple. Regardless of what we believe of them, they will celebrate themselves and their connection. Is there anything that happened on this date in Chad?
Penelope Garcia: Oh, you are good, Emily Prentiss. But this news is not. Yes, there were multiple explosions on this date in '08.
Aaron Hotchner: Where were the most casualties?
Penelope Garcia: At a church. No, no, a train.
Derek Morgan: Semtex and C-4?
Penelope Garcia: Yep.
Aaron Hotchner: Are trains still arriving at Union Station?
Erin Strauss: Yes, but only the authorities are allowed in.
Emily Prentiss: That's why they needed Will.

Dr. Spencer Reid: The convention's still happening tomorrow if you want to go.
Penelope Garcia: Uh, that whole city on the brink of destruction thing kind of took the wind out of my sails, you know?
Emily Prentiss: That'll do it every time.

David Rossi: They say that good things happen to good people. Today is one of those days, and these are two of those people. We love you.
David Rossi, Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau, Detective William LaMontagne Jr., Emily Prentiss, Dr. Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner, Sandy Jareau, Beth Clemmons, Penelope Garcia: Cheers!

"Criminal Minds: Damaged (#3.14)" (2008)
Dr. Spencer Reid: I find I do some of my best work under intense terror.

Chester Hardwick: Is that true - I never had a chance?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know - maybe.

Kevin Lynch: Agent Rossi? We need to talk, about Penelope, man to man
David Rossi: Man to man
[both walk away]
Derek Morgan: What about Penelope?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [singing] She and Kevin sitting in a tree...
[turns around and walks away]
Derek Morgan: Get out of here! Are you serious?
[joins JJ]
Emily Prentiss: Just when I thought nothing scandalous was every gonna happen around here
Dr. Spencer Reid: What? What does that mean?
Emily Prentiss: Didn't you hear JJ?
Dr. Spencer Reid: That song meant something? No! No I missed it
Emily Prentiss: It... it... You know what, never mind
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looks around bewildered] What?

"Criminal Minds: Remembrance of Things Past (#6.3)" (2010)
David Rossi: Did your fiancée say anything that sounded out of the ordinary?
Michael Young: No. She sounded like herself, considering the circumstances.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You say that her lexical features are consistent with her vernacular?
Michael Young: Huh?
David Rossi: Are the words hers?

David Rossi: Seventeen years ago he sounded like background noise, but when I digitized them, you could hear every word.
Lee Mullens: [recoded voice] Yes, she did. She's dead.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's stunningly creepy.
David Rossi: I never caught The Butcher, but I caught his voice.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Everything in the house is labeled. Drawers, the refrigerator. I found Donepezil and flashcards in the medicine cabinet.
David Rossi: Donepezil? Alzheimer's?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a cholinesterase inhibitor. It improves acetylcholine, either by increasing levels of it in the brain or enhancing nerve cells' response to it.

"Criminal Minds: Charm and Harm (#1.20)" (2006)
Aaron Hotchner: [discussing Gregory's victims] Gregory used different forms of torture with each one. Choking, burning, suspension, and beating. Drowning was the only constant.
Dr. Spencer Reid: They were all classified as wet drownings, which means the victim was alive when they were submerged. They could feel their lungs filling up with water. It's an extremely painful way to die.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Gideon, you do know that Doug Gregory isn't the killer, right?
Jason Gideon: Yes, I know that. But he protected one. And now at least six women are dead because of it.

Derek Morgan: Why are you acting so weird?
Elle Greenaway: We're sitting with a guy who knows that there are 800 kernels of corn on the average cob...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Arranged in 16 separate rows.
Elle Greenaway: ...and you're calling me weird?

"Criminal Minds: The Longest Night (#6.1)" (2010)
Penelope Garcia: [on the phone with Reid] How's my main man doing?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, on the completely safe assumption that you're not talking about me, let's just say I wouldn't wanna be this unsub when Morgan finally gets his hands on him.
Penelope Garcia: That bad, huh?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Has he ever yelled at you *before*?
Penelope Garcia: [chuckles] Touche.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: How many cops are there in L.A.?
Dr. Spencer Reid: City or County?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You actually know the answer?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know both answers.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Already?
Penelope Garcia: You doubted?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, I'll put you on speaker.
Penelope Garcia: Okay, let me preface this by saying that a 40-year-old murder in a suburb of Los Angeles is an absurdly impossible request. Having said that, yours truly happens to know that the Pollak Library at Cal State...
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Garcia.

"Criminal Minds: With Friends Like These (#6.19)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] Lizette Reese wrote "The old faiths light their candles all about, but burly truth comes by and puts them out."

Ben Foster: The only way you can help me is if you kill me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ben, that's not true. Listen, the only way we can help you...
[Reid's image shimmers, indicating that the next thing Ben hears is in his head and not actually Reid's own words]
Dr. Spencer Reid: ... is if you take that knife, and you stab me in the neck with it.
Ben Foster: Are you sure that'll work?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [In Ben's hallucination] Oh, I'm absolutely sure, Ben.
[as himself]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Put that knife down, okay?
[In Ben's hallucination]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Take that knife, jam me in the neck with it, and all your problems will go away! Okay?

Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, that profile kind of makes it sound like schizophrenia leads to serial killing.
Derek Morgan: That's not what we said at all, Reid.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, my mom has schizophrenia. There are many different types.
Derek Morgan: I know that.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Catatonic, disorganized... Just because someone suffers from an inability to organize their thoughts, or they can't bathe or dress themselves, it doesn't mean they'd stab someone in the chest 30 times postmortem.
Derek Morgan: Reid, what's really going on?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Our UnSub's hallucinations aren't fractured like a typical schizophrenic. They're vivid and clear, leading me to believe that we're missing an important variable. Rather than making crazy conjectures, I think we should be trying to figure out what it is.
Derek Morgan: Okay, listen to me. I know this is a scary age for you. It's when schizophrenic breaks happen. Have you talked to anybody about this?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Emily.
Derek Morgan: Have you seen a doctor?
Dr. Spencer Reid: They all say I'm fine.
Derek Morgan: Then why don't you believe them?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Because predicting one's chances of developing a genetic condition are like finding a penny in an ocean. I have terrible headaches. I can't sleep at night. I can't focus on our cases. I only read five books last week.
Derek Morgan: Come on, kid, you gotta cut yourself some slack. You're also depressed about Prentiss, and I get it. We all are. Reid, I miss her every day. But if your mind was splitting, do you really think you'd be able to figure out that this team is missing a variable?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm just speculating that we are. I need to prove it.
Derek Morgan: Okay, then, you do that. The moment you are wandering around the streets aimlessly, that's when I'll be concerned about you. Come on, pretty boy. Let's get to work.

"Criminal Minds: Self Fulfilling Prophecy (#7.9)" (2011)
Penelope Garcia: Come on, baby. Come on.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Boo!
Penelope Garcia: Jeez, you scared me. I thought you were a ghost.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, older building like this emit a low enough frequency that you can't consciously hear. Because the sensory overload can't be explained, it wreaks havoc with your emotions, inducing fear, panic, and dread, hence the feeling of being haunted.
Penelope Garcia: What about the visions?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Your eyes overcompensate for what your ears are missing. That said, I do know a three-year-old boy that once met a friendly apparition named Leverett Saltonstall.
Penelope Garcia: He was nice?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Very nice.

Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, a man like Massey sets rules but is the first to break them. He's been left alone to run these kids' lives and nobody questions him.
Penelope Garcia: Oh, man, that sounds so sad and scary when you put it like that.
Dr. Spencer Reid: His policies are a combination of many other philosophies. I'm not sure where his actual leadership lies.
Penelope Garcia: Only that it does. Lie, that is. It's a joke.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Oh... good joke.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah.

Aaron Hotchner: Dave, did you find anything in the woods?
David Rossi: Josh's tent was secluded, his things were left behind. He just took off.
Aaron Hotchner: Massey said he never got any respect from Josh.
Jennifer Jareau: Josh's own parents said he was impossible to control.
Dr. Spencer Reid: His course load indicates increased isolation.
Emily Prentiss: Isolated, smart, angry. That could be a budding psychopath.
Erin Strauss: What are you saying? Josh Redding killed his classmates? And he's not missing, he's on the run.
Derek Morgan: And he has been for a week.
David Rossi: One hell of a head start.
Emily Prentiss: With all the skills he could ever need.

"Criminal Minds: Cold Comfort (#4.14)" (2009)
Penelope Garcia: Reid, we need a D.O.B. on Prentiss.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, 7:12am, October 12th, 197...
Emily Prentiss: [cuts Reid off] Hey!

Aaron Hotchner: By now, we know the DNA found on the victims did not match anyone in the system, so we're gonna have to look beyond physical evidence to identify the killer.
Emily Prentiss: Our unsub is a white male in his mid to late 20s, and he has money. He lives alone, in a large residence. There's enough space and ventilation to accommodate an embalming suite.
Aaron Hotchner: He's awkward with people, especially women. An inability to relate socially is common in homicidal necrophiles.
Derek Morgan: Because of the alterations to the bodies, we believe the unsub is attempting to recreate a woman he once loved.
Detective Duran: Like a girlfriend?
Aaron Hotchner: Or a wife, a mother. Someone who left or died suddenly.
Dr. Spencer Reid: This projection of the loved one coupled with his need to preserve the victims through embalming is similar to the psychopathology of serial murderer Ed Gein. Gein had an Oedipal complex which developed in the years he nursed his paralyzed mother back from a stroke. After she died, his obsession compelled him to dig up corpses of women who resembled his mother. So persistent was his desire to resurrect his dead mother that he actually dressed in female suits fashioned from human skin. Eventually, Gein grew unhappy with the flesh of dead bodies, which had a tendency to dry and crack, so he shifted his focus to live victims, whose bodies he could better preserve.
Aaron Hotchner: The evolution from dead to live victims will also be mirrored in our unsub's maturation.
Emily Prentiss: We've put together a list of incident reports prior to 2006. You're gonna want to follow up on these. Uh, they are inappropriate postmortem conduct, cadaver theft, and graveyard disturbances.
Dr. Spencer Reid: 60% of necrophiles work in the death business, so be sure to canvas local cemeteries, mortuaries, and morgues.
Derek Morgan: And since we have the killer's DNA, we're gonna be sending you out with kits to swab potential suspects.
Aaron Hotchner: The odds of finding Brooke Lombardini alive are slim, but the quicker we identify the killer, the better her chances are. For her sake, let's work fast.

Aaron Hotchner: We know the odds
Dr. Spencer Reid: 90% of all abducted victims are killed within the first 36 hours

"Criminal Minds: Profiling 101 (#7.22)" (2012)
Dr. Spencer Reid: He dumped his first victim Rachel in an alley, but he took the time to bury Tina, which suggests he felt more connected to her and perhaps even felt remorse.
David Zimmerman: Did you ever catch this guy?
David Rossi: What's your name, young man?
David Zimmerman: David Zimmerman.
David Rossi: Don't interrupt, Zimmerman.

Derek Morgan: In the meantime, Agent Rossi retired, but the BAU grew. We trained more profilers, hired tech analysts, press liaisons, and we even got our own resident genius.
Penelope Garcia, Dr. Spencer Reid: Thank you.

David Rossi: Irish statesman and author Edmund Burke once wrote: The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. This job isn't just what I do, it's who I am.
Devin: Is it worth it?
David Rossi: For every life we save? Damn right it is.
Derek Morgan: Absolutely it's worth it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I can't imagine doing anything else.

"Criminal Minds: Dorado Falls (#7.3)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] "Men are not prisoners of fate, but prisoners of their own minds." ~~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

State Trooper Brian Long: We've located John Owen, the missing employee. He's been at a *Doctor Who* convention in San Diego since Saturday. It was a scheduled vacation.
David Rossi: Lucky guy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'll say. That's supposed to be an awesome convention.

Derek Morgan: He said his parents had been replaced.
Emily Prentiss: He just sounds delusional.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, he might have Capgras syndrome. It's a delusional disorder in which one believes that their friends and loved ones have been replaced by imposters.
Derek Morgan: Sort of like Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It typically involves only one sense, such as sight. Basically, the neural connection between the visual cortex and the emotional center of the brain becomes severed, so that looking at a loved one doesn't elicit the same emotional response one would expect.
Aaron Hotchner: So, you think they're an imposter.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And the interesting thing is that the auditory connection remains intact, so that if they were to hear a loved one speak and not see them, they'd think that they were real.

"Criminal Minds: Rock Creek Park (#10.18)" (2015)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote] "The truth is rarely pure and never simple" - Oscar Wilde

Agent Dorian Loker: I am Dorian Loker. You must be from the BAU
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, I am Spencer...
[Dorian tries to shake hands]
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't shake ha...
[Dorian taps on Reid's hand]

Dr. Spencer Reid: She's speaking Yoruba. It's a Western-Nigerian dialect. She's talking to her mother.
[... ]
Agent Dorian Loker: You speak Yoruba?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I can get by

"Criminal Minds: Scared to Death (#3.3)" (2007)
Emily Prentiss: So Hotch is even more intense now that Gideon's gone.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, I've noticed.
Emily Prentiss: Do you think that's gonna change?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I certainly think we'll find out.
Emily Prentiss: What about you? You okay?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Oh, I'm- I'm great.
Emily Prentiss: Do you want to talk about it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's there to talk about, really?
Emily Prentiss: Gideon.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Oh, no. He, uh- he left a letter explaining everything. Just like my dad did when he abandoned me and my mom.
Emily Prentiss: He addressed it to you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, yeah. You know, Gideon stood toe to toe with some of the... the sickest people on this planet. I think that took a lot of courage, right?
Emily Prentiss: Yeah.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So, why'd he do this? It's addressed to me, but I'm- I'm not- I'm not the only one that he abandoned.
Emily Prentiss: But why is it addressed to you? I think you need to read that letter again.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I have an eidetic memory, Emily.
Emily Prentiss: Ah, yeah, I know, and an IQ of 187, but what do you remember about your father?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What do you mean?
Emily Prentiss: Well, he gave you ten years before he left, and yet you've erased all those memories. And it's too painful, I get it. But then Gideon leaves. I think you need to read that letter again, and ask yourself why, of all the people he walked away from, did he only explain himself to one person: you.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Morgan pushes several buttons in stuck elevator] Don't! Stop it! Don't!
Derek Morgan: Why? What's problem?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Don't do that.
Derek Morgan: Why not?
Dr. Spencer Reid: 'Cause, there are six elevator related death per year with making ten thousands injuries required hospitalization. Chill out.

Dr. Spencer Reid: It hit me Morgan freaked out when he got stuck in the elevator.
Emily Prentiss: Got stuck in elevator?
Derek Morgan: I freaked?
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's not important. Here's what it is.

"Criminal Minds: If the Shoe Fits (#10.6)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: Town versus gown, it happens
Dr. Spencer Reid: All the way back to the battle of St. Scholastica day
Kate Callahan: Okay, I'll take the bait. What's the whatever it is you just said?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The battle of St. Scholastica day? Glad you asked. Oxford, 1335: citizens attack students and professors with bows and arrows, fighting went on for 2 days and nearly a 100 people were killed

Dr. Spencer Reid: 5.30 in the morning, East Coast time. You don't seem tired at all
David Rossi: I am not tired. I am a night person
Dr. Spencer Reid: Speaking about that: you may want to reconsider revamping your circadian clock to more traditional chronotype!
David Rossi: Yeah, I'll put that on my to-do list
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, seriously! Studies have found that at night owls show reduce integrity of white matter in the brain compared to early risers
David Rossi: Well, I appreciate your concern, I am very happy with my brain just like it is!

Jennifer Jareau: My mother believes that children shouldn't be shielded from the realities of the world. I do! Isn't that why we read them fairy tales in the first place?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, actually most fairy tales in their original form were gruesome to the extreme. In Cinderella the stepsisters had their feet mutilated to fit in the shoe and her eyes were eventually picked out by doves. Sleeping Beauty was raped while she was unconscious by the King. Hansel and Gretel were held captive by a half blind cannibal. Solders were instructed to cut out Snow White's liver and lungs, so the Queen could feast upon them
Jennifer Jareau: Thanks for that Spence!
Dr. Spencer Reid: My point is: one could argue that the sanitized versions we have today are actually counterproductive to the original purpose of fairy tales, so the children can safely confront their darkest fears
Jennifer Jareau: Maybe my mom was right

"Criminal Minds: Big Sea (#6.23)" (2011)
Aaron Hotchner: Have you nailed down the victimology?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, I found a unique evolution, actually. The earliest victims appear to be high-risk. These lesions are consistent with syphilis, most likely a prostitute. This one has severely ground and missing teeth, commonly seen in excessive methamphetamine abuse. And then all of a sudden out of nowhere, a sea change - healthier and stronger victims all the way through to number twelve.
Aaron Hotchner: Lower-risk, harder for him to hunt. What do we know about the first victim?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, that one's tough. He or she has been in the water so long, they're mostly bone fragments. I can attempt to reconstruct...
Aaron Hotchner: You've got three hours.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I can do it in two.
Aaron Hotchner: Make it one.

Dr. Spencer Reid: The wounds on the thigh show hesitation marks. An unsub this experienced wouldn't display that.
Derek Morgan: I don't think the unsub did. The angle indicates left-handed dominance. The file says this guy was left-handed, too.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, if he'd been given trilamide, the unsub could have forced him to cut himself. It makes sense for a sadist with abandonment issues, but wouldn't he finish the job?
Derek Morgan: The victim must have gotten a chance to escape and took it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But how? The trilamide kept him compliant enough to hurt himself. It overcame his self-preservation instinct.
Derek Morgan: Well, then another instinct must have been stronger.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Like what?
Derek Morgan: A protective one. This guy was mentally and physically compromised, but he still went after the unsub with everything he had.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Who would he fight that hard for?
[cut to Morgan on the phone with Garcia]
Derek Morgan: A child, Garcia. Search nationwide missing persons reports for men traveling with their kids.
Penelope Garcia: Am I looking for a son or daughter?
Derek Morgan: We don't know yet.
Penelope Garcia: No, no, I'm sorry, honey. No dice. Hey, what if they're not reported as missing yet?
Derek Morgan: Yeah, of course not. When the unsub met them, they were starting over. All right, baby girl, new deal. USPS changes of address notices, people moving into Florida and South Carolina.
Penelope Garcia: Done.
Derek Morgan: All right, eliminate women, wives, couples. Narrow it down to men only.
Penelope Garcia: So... so we're thinking divorced dad here, right?
Derek Morgan: Yeah, but not just any divorced dad. This guy wants as much distance between his son and his ex-wife as possible. So look for custody disputes, injunctions, allegations. The messier, the better, Garcia.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't think this was written under duress. You said Dr. Cormick wasn't taking medication for Parkinson's, right? Look at her handwriting. No indication of tremors or shaking. There's a drug called trilamide. In minute doses it treats Parkinson's, but its main use is for seasickness.
David, Rossi: Something a fisherman would have access to.
Derek Morgan: And criminals in South America. Intel reports say they figured out a high dose makes a victim totally compliant.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, they slip it in your drink or blow the powder in your face and nasodermal absorption's almost immediate. You're instantaneously susceptible to any suggestion. There have been reports of locals letting thugs into their apartments to rob them, even helping them load the getaway trucks.

"Criminal Minds: Closing Time (#7.14)" (2012)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spencer, I'm fine, I swear. It's just a scratch.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, no, I count two cuts, three bruises, a black eye, and possibly a fractured rib.
[He turns to the EMT]
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm not telling you how to do your job, but you should probably consider getting her a CAT scan.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [to the EMT] Ignore him.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Hey, guys, there's something else. According to the M.E. report, each of the victims was missing their genitals.
David Rossi: He could be trying to hide evidence of sexual assault.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe. Jeffrey Dahmer used to keep his victim's sex organs on display. What if this UnSub is doing the same thing?

Dr. Spencer Reid: He's most likely operating in one of the coastal cities. The victims were all staying in the metropolitan area, but their bodies were found near the ocean.
Agent Parker: Do you know how big the California coastline is?
Dr. Spencer Reid: 840 miles. Fortunately, based on the UnSub's comfort zone, we can narrow in to the area between Santa Monica and Redondo Beach.

"Criminal Minds: Rite of Passage (#5.19)" (2010)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Contrary to popular belief, decapitation is not that easy.
David Rossi: Hmm. You don't often hear "popular" and "decapitation" in the same sentence.

Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Be careful with those. I don't need broken MP-5s on our budget.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hey, guys, here's the thing. I don't think I technically have authorization to carry a weapon like that.
Derek Morgan: You don't.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: [at the same time] You don't.

Derek Morgan: [getting in Unsub's house trailer] Oh, God. We're definitely in the right place. Guys, just breathe through your nose like normal.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Smell is the weakest sense. In a few more minutes, you won't even notice it.
Emily Prentiss: What about the taste?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think that's in our head.

"Criminal Minds: The Replicator (#8.24)" (2013)
Aaron Hotchner: Dave, a figure 8?
David Rossi: That's what it look like. I just sent you all a picture
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe it's an infinity symbol
Alex Blake: Well, if it's infinity, he could be boasting "I'll go on forever"?
Derek Morgan: Or if it's an 8. Strauss was his 8th victim
Jennifer Jareau: And the unofficial 8th member of our team

Alex Blake: He said he used eight locks because there used to be eight of us.
Aaron Hotchner: That's all he said?
Alex Blake: About that, yes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: There's only six keys. That mean two keys will be used twice. Each key is a letter, likely corresponds to a number on the locks. Seven, seventh letter of the alphabet's "g."
Aaron Hotchner: What are the other letters?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Z, u, w... Zugzwang.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's too easy.

Derek Morgan: He's got the placed lined with C-4. We've only got three minutes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: This seems too easy. Zugzwang also means a dilemma in chess where the best move is not to move at all.
[Blake stands up after Reid unlocks all locks]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wait, don't get up! It's a pressure sensor.
[the door closes]

"Criminal Minds: Snake Eyes (#7.13)" (2012)
David Rossi: I can't imagine why not. We're only asking for fifty thousand bucks of taxpayer money so that FBI agents can play Texas Hold 'Em.
Emily Prentiss: Hey, what about you?
David Rossi: What about me what?
Emily Prentiss: You could stake us the buy-in.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, you're a best-selling author.
David Rossi: No!
Emily Prentiss: Why not?
David Rossi: One, it's against regulations, and I'd like to hold onto this job for a little while longer.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's a minor administrative violation.
David Rossi: And two, I prefer to spend my money on actual things, like single-malt Scotch, a fine cigar, beautiful artwork.
Emily Prentiss: Poker chips are things.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe just think of it as, like, a new experience. I mean, at your age, how often does that happen?
David Rossi: At my *what*?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Rossi, this may be our only chance to get this guy.
David Rossi: All right, fine. I'm a decent poker player, but I can't promise that I can stay in the game long enough to...
Emily Prentiss: You know what? I bet you're a great poker player, but what if we sent in Reid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I am banned from casinos in Las Vegas, Laughlin, and Pahrump because of my card-counting ability.
David Rossi: Look, I know I'm not a genius like the boy wonder here, but poker is not blackjack. It's about bluffing, reading human nature, head games. It's not math.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's not entirely accurate. There actually is a mathematical equation for knowing when to raise and when to fold. If "P" represents the size of the pot at the time of play, than P x N - 1, with "N" representing the estimated number of players at the final round of betting...
David Rossi: Okay, fine. I surrender. Just try not to lose all of my money?

Player #1: I'm calling.
Curtis Banks: I'll raise. Eight thousands.
Dr. Spencer Reid: $8,000. That's 56 months' wages for the average person in Bangladesh. Kind of makes you think, doesn't it?
Player #1: Hey, it's eight thou to you. Now, are you in or are you out?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I am in. And I raise.
Dealer: Three raise.
Player #1: That's too rich for my blood.
Dealer: Are you in, sir?
Curtis Banks: I'll call.
Dealer: Call.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Straight.
Player #1: A gutshot straight draw? Are you kidding, me? That is just... just nuts. That's crazy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [reaches his hand to Curtis's key holder] Do you mind if I take a look at this?

Dr. Spencer Reid: Two 8's instead of one could also be significant. I know in China the number 8 symbolizes prosperity. The more 8's the better. As a matter of fact in Chungdu a telephone number consisting of all 8's was recently sold for over a quarter million dollars

"Criminal Minds: Lauren (#6.18)" (2011)
Derek Morgan: She threw a flash bang grenade into a car, she's lucky the three people inside didn't die. Is anybody else bothered by that?
David Rossi: Well, three bad guys.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Illegal as it is, I think Prentiss knows she has to be as ruthless as Doyle.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's come to the US to wage a public vendetta and hired a group of mercenaries to remain loyal to him. He has nothing to lose, so she has to act the same way.

Dr. Spencer Reid: It's another spy whose cover is LR.
Emily Prentiss: [in Reid's flashback] Lauren Reynolds is dead.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Lauren Reynolds is dead.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Lauren Reynolds is dead. Prentiss said that on a phone call 17 days ago. But her intonation wasn't surprise or grief. It was like a mantra, like she was reminding herself. Lauren Reynolds, LR.
Derek Morgan: She left her badge and gun? Why would she do that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: That doesn't make sense. Why run? We're her family. We can help.
David Rossi: Doyle's killing families. She's not married, not close to relatives. He was ready to wipe us out. She ran to protect us.

David Rossi: Why were you calling Clyde Easter so much, Jack?
Jack Fahey: Anybody got a smoke? How about you, beanpole?
David Rossi: What do you think?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Narcissism masking deep-seated insecurity.
David Rossi: So if we puncture his self-image, this hood rat will talk.
Jack Fahey: Hey, hey, hey, I ain't no hood rat. You take that back.
David Rossi: Well, you look like one. You smell like one. You smell that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hood rat.
Jack Fahey: I am not! Take it back!
David Rossi: Hey, Jack. Do you know what a hood rat is? You see what I mean? He's just gonna have to learn the hard way.
Jack Fahey: All right, look, Clyde was gonna pay my medical bills, all right? This ear, it ain't growing back.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What happened to it?
Jack Fahey: This bitch teammate of his shot it. Said it was a warning. Thought she could take on this IRA big shot named Doyle. So I told these... What the hell, man? Jeez!
David Rossi: Where's Prentiss?
Jack Fahey: Who? I don't know!
David Rossi: Lauren Reynolds.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Where's Lauren Reynolds?
Jack Fahey: Friend of yours, is she?
David Rossi: You tell us where she is right now, or I swear, I'll send you to a prison where they'll teach you what a hood rat is.
Jack Fahey: And by the time you do, she'll be in pieces. So... my price just went up.

"Criminal Minds: Reckoner (#5.3)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [after Hotch throws him a folder] What's this?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: You told me you were cleared to travel. You lied.
Emily Prentiss: Naughty boy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, *no* I *didn't.* I *am* a doctor, so *technically* it wasn't a lie.
Penelope Garcia: What was it then?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Um... second opinion?
Penelope Garcia: Hmm. You're my bitch now.
[leaves the room as Morgan chuckles]

Penelope Garcia: [to Hotch via webcam with Reid] I got something that might help us with that...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Technically *we* have something that might help us with that.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [to Prentiss via webcam with Garcia] Anything less than 10,000 dollars keeps the IRS off your trail.
Penelope Garcia: [desperately] I know that too.

"Criminal Minds: Demons (#9.24)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote] "When truth is buried, it grows, it chokes ,it gathers such an explosive force that on the day it bursts out, it blows up everything with it" - Émile Zola

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quote] "We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us" - Jospeh Cambel

Penelope Garcia: I didn't... he's moving, okay. I didn't know how loud. I can't hear except for my heart, cause it feels it gonna come out Can that happen? Physically? Can your heart burst out of your chest? And what is this running? My ears don't pop for like a week after I fly and this is like that. That's gonna drive me bonkers. Am I yelling? Because it feels like I might be yelling.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You saved my life. Can you hear me?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, I heard that! That makes it better. Thank you for saying that!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thank you for doing it!

"Criminal Minds: Compulsion (#1.2)" (2005)
Elle Greenaway: Chemical accelerant could mean chemistry student.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It could also mean chemistry professor.
Elle Greenaway: I say student. You need self-confidence to lecture in front of a classroom full of 30 college kids. Arsonists are socially incompetent. This guy doesn't go on dates, doesn't go to parties, doesn't feel comfortable in front of groups.
[Reid looks at Elle]
Elle Greenaway: And of course he's a total psychopath.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Of course.

Derek Morgan: Hey, Reid, you got a statistic on arsonists?
Dr. Spencer Reid: 82% are white males between 17 and 27. Female arsonists are far less likely, their motive typically being revenge.
Derek Morgan: Sounds like our boy's a student.
Jason Gideon: Oh, don't be so sure. You rely too much on precedent, you never allow for the unexpected.

Aaron Hotchner: [In a lab with students, whispers] Reid, since you're more their age, why don't you do the talking?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Clears his throat and speaks up] Hi, hi guys, uh, my name is, eh, Dr. Spencer Reid. I'm a, uh, agent with the... the BAU, Behavior Analysis Unit of the FBI, which, uhm, it... itused to be called BSU, Behavior Science Unit, but not anymore. They changed it to BAU. Uhm, it's part of the NCAVC, National Centre for the Analsysis of Violent Crime, which is also part of this thing called the CIRG, Critical Incident Response Group. And...
Aaron Hotchner: What he's trying to say is: we love to know how you could help us

"Criminal Minds: Coda (#6.16)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different, yet tomorrow is too often a repetition of today. -author James T. McCay

Ashley Seaver: Is that the one where they fly around in the phone booth?
Dr. Spencer Reid: First of all, it's a police box, not a phone booth. Second of all, Doctor Who started a quarter of century before Bill and Ted even went on their bodacious adventures. So really, they should just call it Bill and Ted's excellent rip-off, I mean at least then...
Ashley Seaver: I'm really sorry.
Dr. Spencer Reid: For what?
Ashley Seaver: Asking.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [sees Sammy playing piano] Whoa. You've been holding out on me, Sammy.
David Rossi: I didn't know you could play, Reid.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I can't. Well, I never have before, but it's essentially all math.

"Criminal Minds: Haunted (#5.2)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [after Garcia helps him sit down] Thanks.
Penelope Garcia: Does it hurt?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It really only hurts when I think about it which is pretty much all the time.
[starts to snoop in the cookie tin next to him]
Penelope Garcia: No, no, no. Get away you.
[takes the lid]
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Penelope Garcia: These are for Hotch.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I get *shot* in the leg and I don't get any cookies? You know he's gonna hate the attention.
Penelope Garcia: [puts the lid back on] It's cookies, not cake.

Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, the entire time I've known Hotch, I don't believe I've seen him blink.

Penelope Garcia: [of Hotch] Do you think he's ok?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I wouldn't be, but I'm a blinker.

"Criminal Minds: Penelope (#3.9)" (2007)
Derek Morgan: I asked her to go out last night. But she was pissed at me. She blew me off.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So you ended up in church?
Derek Morgan: Yeah. What does it mean? On one hand, if she'd gone out with me, she would have never got shot. On the other hand... what are the odds that the first time I pray in twenty years, she's on the table?

Emily Prentiss: I just talked to Hotch. They think he used a revolver
Derek Morgan: Who the hell uses a revolver?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Someone who doesn't want to leave shell casings behind as evidence.

"Criminal Minds: Public Enemy (#5.15)" (2010)
Aaron Hotchner: There are lots of ways that sons defeat their fathers.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I just keep getting PhDs.

Aaron Hotchner: We suggest that you think of this unsub not as a slasher but as an arsonist. Because the gratification he's getting isn't from the physical act of murder, but from the public's reaction to it.
Emily Prentiss: Arsonists draw attention to themselves through the fires they set. The locations they choose are highly symbolic to them. While this unsub will never set an actual fire, he has the same psychosis as one who does.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Our unsub fits that model. His locations have been pillars of the community. The victims he picks aren't as important as the effect of killing them outside of your favorite restaurant or place of worship.
Derek Morgan: By picking locales with the highest visibility, he's creating the highest level of fear in that neighborhood, which reinforces his feeling of power.
Detective Jake Moreland: Yeah, but arsonists don't set out to hurt people. This guy clearly does.
Derek Morgan: That's true. And this unsub definitely falls in the category of sociopath.
Emily Prentiss: His victims are there only to achieve his goal. He doesn't have the ability to empathize with them. To him, they're just... tools for him to use, no different than a can of gasoline and a match.
David Rossi: But even how he kills tells us something. Slashing a throat is a messy, visual act. It's designed to create attention, just like a fire.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Arsonists are often mission based. They need to make sure their first fire has burnt out before they set another one. They're also highly disciplined and focused. If conditions aren't right to set a fire or, in this case, slash a throat, they'll move on.
Aaron Hotchner: In addition to his need to kill, he has self-control. He has a short cooling off period because he's enjoying what he's doing. This in turn feeds his ego and keeps him covering his tracks.
David Rossi: This makes him even more dangerous. If he gets frustrated, encounters too many obstacles, or suffers a blow to his narcissistic ego, he could go on an all-out rampage.

"Criminal Minds: Soul Mates (#4.12)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quotation, voiceover] "No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips. Betrayal oozes out of him at every pore." - Sigmund Freud.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [about William's correspondence with his accomplice] One side of the discourse made a reference to the Devil's Strip.
Detective Linden: What the hell's that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, it's a small patch of grass that separates the sidewalk from the street. Now, that term is only used in central Ohio. William lived in Atlanta for twenty years, but he grew up in Columbus. The other guy uses words like "turnpike" and "filling the gas tank", both specific regionalisms for Florida.
Derek Morgan: Kid, you sure about this?
[Reid gives Morgan an "are you serious?" look]
Derek Morgan: Right.

"Criminal Minds: Hope (#7.8)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, rethinking the type of offender he was seven years ago, it's possible the UnSub didn't sexually assault Hope initially but waited until she was older.
Emily Prentiss: Well, that would explain why he held on to her all this time. In his fantasy, he might envision Hope at a more desirable age.
David Rossi: What story did he use to get into the support group?
Jennifer Jareau: Well, he told them his pregnant wife committed suicide. Apparently they were trying to conceive for over a year.
David Rossi: Hope couldn't bear the thought of bringing his child into this world, so she took what little control she did have and ended her life.
Emily Prentiss: And that was never part of his plan. It turned his world upside down.
David Rossi: He's not ready to let go of the bond he had with Hope.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And now he's trying to get back what was taken from him.
Emily Prentiss: Wouldn't it just be easier for him to start over again?
David Rossi: Unless Monica could give him what he lost. Another Hope. He didn't take Monica to remind him of Hope, he took her to recreate her.

Penelope Garcia: Bill, I know the pain you feel. I get you. I know. I heard you talk about it in group.
Bill Rogers: Why doesn't Monica understand that?
Penelope Garcia: Bill, I just think she needs more time to understand it.
Monica Kingston: What? What?
Penelope Garcia: Listen, Bill. I know all you've ever wanted was just somebody to love. You were trapped inside a cocoon just waiting for somebody to set you free.
Bill Rogers: Hope made me feel... For the first time in my life, I felt love.
Monica Kingston: She was my baby!
Penelope Garcia: You brought Monica here because you're heartbroken. And you're desperate to recreate what you lost with Hope.
Monica Kingston: I lost my child!
Penelope Garcia: Bill, you need to tell her. You can do this, okay? You need to let her know why this is all happening. You need to tell her. You can do this.
Monica Kingston: Say something. Say something!
Bill Rogers: Our baby...
Monica Kingston: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, my baby.
Bill Rogers: Hope was pregnant.
Derek Morgan: Bill, drop the gun.
Penelope Garcia: Do what he says.
Derek Morgan: Drop it. Now.
Penelope Garcia: It's okay, Bill.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Nice and easy.
Derek Morgan: [Bill drops the gun] Now put your hands where I can see them.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Slowly step away from Monica.
Derek Morgan: Easy...
[Monica takes the gun]
Penelope Garcia: Monica!
[Monica shoots Bill]

"Criminal Minds: The Caller (#9.10)" (2013)
Penelope Garcia: Just confirmed there was a ten-minute segment on the Unsolved: Frankie Clayvin Murder on a low-rated cable show 12 years ago.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Even with low ratings, probably a half a million people saw it.
Penelope Garcia: 376,000; it's not often I get to correct another genius.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote] "Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil" - Aristotle

"Criminal Minds: The Black Queen (#9.12)" (2014)
David Rossi: Any idea who's behind it?
Penelope Garcia: Best guess is that's online collective known as Star Chamber. There one of several justice oriented groups that sprung up in the wake of the Steubenville rape case
Alex Blake: Star Chamber? Interesting name
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's derived from the 17th century British court designed to ensure fair enforcement of laws against the rich and powerful
Penelope Garcia: Actually according to my research they named it that because it's also the name of a mediocre, yet awesome Michael Douglas movie from 1983

David Rossi: Blake found one potential lead. It was the last client that Debbie kept before she went off the grid. It was by the name of Mr. Smith
Aaron Hotchner: Will Mr. Smith talk to us?
David Rossi: Once Blake promised that we wouldn't ruin his marriage. She's bringing in him now
[Blake enters with a woman and points her to the interview room; Blake walks to the others]
David Rossi: Who is that?
Alex Blake: Mr. Smith!
David Rossi, Aaron Hotchner, Dr. Spencer Reid: [All three at the same time] Aaahh

"Criminal Minds: Today I Do (#6.15)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a common theme in self-help books. I read twenty-two today.

Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, this phrase doesn't seem to have a particular source or author. It's found pretty much every self-help book, I read 22 of them today, all touting the same, basic three-part plan.
David Rossi: Let me guess, phase one is positive thinking, visualizing goals.
Emily Prentiss: That's to work up the courage to get to phase two, taking real steps to achieve said goal.
David Rossi: Gail committed to school, got grades like never before.
Emily Prentiss: Molly gave up her obsessive food journal and started eating better.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's hard to believe motivational sayings alone would allow her to make these type of strides.
Emily Prentiss: Maybe that's why the UnSub moved in with them. She could offer support and encouragement day and night.
David Rossi: She'd be around to watch Molly's diet or Gail's study habits.
Emily Prentiss: At first her methods worked. She gets to be the hero, the savior.
Dr. Spencer Reid: She's a pure narcissist, so helping her victims is only about gaining their appreciation and dependence.
David Rossi: The more her victims gain confidence, the less they need a full-time cheerleader.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And that's when her motivational plan goes completely off the rails. Phase three is normally about maintaining the tenets of the program independently.
David Rossi: But her program doesn't end. She holds them captive, destroys them physically.
Emily Prentiss: She's the motivational speaker from hell.

"Criminal Minds: A Thin Line (#7.15)" (2012)
Aaron Hotchner: We believe we're looking for a white male in his late 20s to early 30s.
Deputy: Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry, I thought we were looking at black gangbangers.
Derek Morgan: The unsub has been staging the crime scenes to make it look like black gangs and undocumented immigrants were responsible.
Deputy: Why would anyone do that?
Jennifer Jareau: We think he's trying to create some sort of racial conflict.
Dr. Spencer Reid: In 1969, Charles Manson orchestrated the Tate-LaBianca murders, in the hopes of creating a race war between the blacks and whites that he referred to as "Helter Skelter".
David Rossi: A name he stole from a Beatles song.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Members of the Manson family left watermelon rinds at the scene of the crime and also painted panther paws on the wall in blood in the hopes of convincing authorities that the Black Panther Party was responsible.
Aaron Hotchner: Hate groups like the Aryan Nation believe that race war is not only inevitable, but necessary.
Emily Prentiss: Our unsub may be a member of one of these groups. Aryan gangs have a strong presence in prison, so he may be an ex-con, or even possibly related to a convict.
David Rossi: We think he may also be some kind of zealot. He believes his war is already being fought, and these murders are a mission to him.
Jennifer Jareau: And like a solider, he is willing to put himself in harm's way.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The unsub may also be vulnerable somehow. Weak-minded or even lonely. His cause gives him a sense of power and belonging.
Derek Morgan: He's physically fit enough to move dead bodies, so he's probably young.
David Rossi: But not so young as to be impulsive. These attacks took planning and focus, so he's disciplined.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He uses Oxycodone to drug his unwilling partners. But he does so without killing them, which means he's knowledgeable about dosages.
Emily Prentiss: And Oxy is expensive, so look at medical care professionals and caregivers, anyone with access to to prescription drugs.
Aaron Hotchner: This unsub is dedicated and driven. Makes him especially dangerous. Surrender's not likely part of his strategy.

Penelope Garcia: San Bernadino, California. Two home invasions in less than a week, only a block apart. Exact same M.O. Both houses were burgled, power and phone lines cut, and they broke in through a back window.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And in each case, the entire family was shot and killed?
Penelope Garcia: Yes, that is right. I present to you the Mitchells and the Lewis families.
David Rossi: They took out the power and phones to isolate them. Their alarm systems wouldn't work and they can't call for help.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Most modern alarm systems have a backup generator and a cell phone connection to the security company.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, but the Mitchells had an older system, and the Lewises were behind on their account, so it was inactive.
Jennifer Jareau: An assailant was killed in each case?
Penelope Garcia: Affirmative, but the sheriff hasn't IDed them yet.
Emily Prentiss: So both families were armed and fought back and shot one of their attackers.
Derek Morgan: Is that a coincidence or a connection?
Aaron Hotchner: What concerns me is the frequency of the kills.
Jennifer Jareau: Only four days apart.
Aaron Hotchner: All right. It's a long flight. We'd better get going. Wheels up in thirty.

"Criminal Minds: North Mammon (#2.7)" (2006)
Sgt. Tom Sikes: Hope we haven't brought you folks out here for nothing
Dr. Spencer Reid: You don't believe your girls are missing?
Sgt. Tom Sikes: Ah, that's not the kind of things that happen around here, you know?
Jason Gideon: You would be surprised how many times we hear that.

Penelope Garcia: He who seeks the Queen of All Knowledge speak and be recognized
Dr. Spencer Reid: Garcia, we are sending you some cigarettes
Penelope Garcia: Uh, a flesh eating virus would be faster and far less painful
Dr. Spencer Reid: We need some butts to rush to the lab for DNA analysis
Penelope Garcia: Oh Reid, I love it when you say "butt"! Send away sugar; bang bang for now.

"Criminal Minds: In Name and Blood (#3.2)" (2007)
Derek Morgan: Derek Morgan. Spencer Reid, Jennifer Jareau, and Section Chief Strauss.
Det. Vic Wolynski: Vic Wolynski, Milwaukee P.D.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You worked on Jeffrey Dahmer case?
Det. Vic Wolynski: Sixteen years ago. I worked and studied it. You remember my name?
Jennifer Jareau: He remembers everything.
Derek Morgan: It's what he does.

Derek Morgan: What? No Hotch, now no Gideon?
Jennifer Jareau: No, not yet
Derek Morgan: These guys have been out two weeks! You'd think at least they can do is be on time!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah! 'Cause you're never late!
Derek Morgan: So, where is Prentiss?
Jennifer Jareau: Her phone keeps going straight to voicemail
Derek Morgan: Well, this team gets smaller and smaller, doesn't it?

"Criminal Minds: The Forever People (#10.11)" (2015)
Aaron Hotchner: How many boats are there on Lake Mead?
Dr. Spencer Reid: 1908
Kate Callahan: Come on! You just know that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, there are 1908 boats on Lake Mead
Kate Callahan: Where did you get that number?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Based on the population density of the area, I estimated
Kate Callahan: You guessed! I mean: is this guy really a genius or does he just says things with authority and we all believe him?
Derek Morgan: Oh wow, thank you! Ten years! It took ten years for someone to finally have my back. Alright Einstein, she just called you out, bring it!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Look it up!
David Rossi: I am... And the kid's right!
Derek Morgan: Ah
Dr. Spencer Reid: [to Kate] I accept your apology.
[to Derek]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Load up
Derek Morgan: Never!
Aaron Hotchner: [Hotch secretly loads up with Reid]

Dr. Spencer Reid: He'd be a psychrophile then, someone with a sexual fetish for the cold
Kate Callahan: So let me get this straight: we're saying that there is a serial killer inside the cult?
David Rossi: Talk about a needle in a needle stack!

"Criminal Minds: Blood Hungry (#1.11)" (2005)
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: We are looking for a 20 to 30 year old male.
Derek Morgan: The unsub engages in anthropophagy. It's a psychotic conviction that he must drink human blood, and possibly eat human flesh.
Dr. Spencer Reid: For Richard Trenton Chase, the Vampire Killer, he drank his victims' blood because he believed that aliens had invaded his body and were slowly drinking his blood.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: And if he didn't get the blood he needed... he'd die. Anthropophagy suggests such an extreme level of psychosis and disorganization that he couldn't have ventured very far from home to commit these crimes.
Derek Morgan: This guy lives, or has lived, in this town.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: He knows the territory.
Derek Morgan: You've all seen him. Maybe at the ballpark. Or riding his bike home from the grocery store. He wasn't always a threat. He could have been your neighbor. He might have been your friend. We think something about his delusion is keeping him here in town.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: So we're gonna start at Annie Stuart's house and we're gonna spread out there in quadrants. We're going to eliminate all of his hiding places.
Sheriff Hall: Paul Thompson's funeral is this afternoon. A lot of his neighbors are gonna be there.

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Good job! Nice work to everyone by the way
Elle Greenaway: Thank you. Now I get to go back to the 15 folders on my desk
Dr. Spencer Reid: 15? I have 24!
Elle Greenaway: That's 'cause I slipped you 4 of mine
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Elle Greenaway: Last Friday! Yeah, uhm mmm

"Criminal Minds: Nelson's Sparrow (#10.13)" (2015)
Dr. Spencer Reid: I have never been in this building
David Rossi: No need to. It was the bomb shelter back in the day. I am sure we can find something dehydrated if you get hungry. Damn if it doesn't smells the same! We're back where it all started, my friend. We were the Behavioral Science Unit back then
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Looks at an old computer] This is awesome
David Rossi: They call it the BS unit

Dr. Spencer Reid: Garcia, were there any female bodies found in Roanoke County the past few days?
Penelope Garcia: Let me check the crystal web ball

"Criminal Minds: House on Fire (#4.19)" (2009)
David Rossi: [about a serial arsonist] Whoever set these went from no victims to thirty-one in less than two weeks. That's a hell of an escalation.
Emily Prentiss: Why didn't they call us in sooner?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: The local police and fire department knew they were dealing with an arsonist, but they had no idea he'd become a killer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Most arsonists don't. They just like setting fires; any deaths that occur are almost always accidental.
Derek Morgan: Thirty-one victims is not an accident.
Aaron Hotchner: Police chief knows he made a mistake. And he learned the hard way that even though not all arsonists are killers, they do have one thing in common: once they start, they can't stop.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Based on the limited population of Royal, the unsub is most likely a local male, between the ages of 17 and 30
Penelope Garcia: What, arson is a sexist industry?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ah, for the most part, yeah. Only 12% of arsonists are female
Emily Prentiss: Apparently women just aren't inclined to burn things

"Criminal Minds: A Higher Power (#3.15)" (2008)
Derek Morgan: Hotch would never have taken this case. And I say "case" in the loosest sense.
David Rossi: Profile the facts as they are without bias. Isn't that what we do?
Derek Morgan: What facts, Rossi? Look at us. We don't have a single file.
David Rossi: Okay, let me help you out. Jump right in anytime. Fact one - there are no files, so it seems no case.
Emily Prentiss: But what if there is?
Dr. Spencer Reid: One fire, fourteen deaths, five suicides.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: All the suicides are connected to the original fire.
Emily Prentiss: And all exactly two weeks apart.
David Rossi: Come on, Derek, you can't tell me that doesn't feel a lot like a pattern.
Emily Prentiss: And a timeline.
David Rossi: Right?
Derek Morgan: A lot of people lost their kids in that fire. That's a whole world of grief, and for a few... suicide's their only way out.
David Rossi: Or someone decided it was.
Derek Morgan: And made it look this way?
David Rossi: What if they have?
Derek Morgan: Then we're looking for one very smart unsub.

Dr. Spencer Reid: *I'm sorry. I let you down. Please forgive me I disappoint you, and so on.* But the handwriting, the forensic analysis's saying exactly opposite.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What do you mean?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hmm, you see the handwriting slants uphill, it's clear sign of optimism. Same does the spacing so consistent. And this long T-bars, those indicate an enthusiastic person.

"Criminal Minds: Unknown Subject (#7.12)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: Evanescence, Linkin Park, and Nickelback.
Derek Morgan: So Herman Scobie's into that nu-metal goth stuff.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, and his tramp stamp probably spells out *Massengill*. This guy doesn't ever have any Rage Against The Machine. I rock.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How old were you when you started listening to that band?
Jennifer Jareau: I was probably a teenager. Why?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, 14 is when we start to make our own musical choices. Our cognitive development evolves at that age and we start to form our own cultural identity.
Derek Morgan: We stop listening to the music that our parents put on and we start listening to the music that our friends listen to.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And those musical experiences imprint on us. Our hormonal surges as teenagers may make the choices seem more personal and passionate. And later on in life we might experiment with other musical selections, but no music ever impacts us as much as that which we listen to at age 14.
Jennifer Jareau: Herman Scobie's what, 30?
Derek Morgan: If that.
Jennifer Jareau: Okay, so mid to late '90s is when he started to take music seriously, stuff like this.
Derek Morgan: And the Piano Man's songs were all early '80s.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Which means the signature doesn't fit. Herman Scobie's too young to be the Piano Man.

Penelope Garcia: Brittany Anderson filed a report after she woke up outside she was abducted from. And Vanessa Campbell was just reported missing
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wait, those were victims 2 and 5, weren't they?
Penelope Garcia: Yes. He's going back and attacking survivors a second time

"Criminal Minds: The Big Game (#2.14)" (2007)
Dr. Spencer Reid: You all right?
Jason Gideon: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You seem unhappy.
Jason Gideon: I am unhappy. I'm tired of people using religion to justify the terrible things they do.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you mind?
Raphael: My father doesn't like it
Dr. Spencer Reid: Father? You're like 30
Raphael: At what age should one start disrespecting the wishes of their parents?

"Criminal Minds: Lockdown (#10.16)" (2015)
Dr. Spencer Reid: The business of incarceration is extremely lucrative and virtually recession proof. The Citadel Corrections Company has more than quadrupled their holding since they were founded 20 years ago. They now have 19 facilities all across the country with 59,603 prisoners in their charge
David Rossi: Guess I had it wrong all this time, crime does pay!

Aaron Hotchner: We need to complete our profiles, the answer's in there! How much time do you need?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh... 126 minutes, approximately

"Criminal Minds: Burn (#10.2)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's going on with Penelope?
Derek Morgan: Reid, I'll talk to you more about that when we're alone, alright?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Okay, but she's isn't sick, isn't she?
Derek Morgan: That really depends on your definition of sick.

Dr. Spencer Reid: You know Garcia, she carries a laptop, not a gun. She can't even look at crime scene photos without needing pictures of panda bears to counter balance them.

"Criminal Minds: 200 (#9.14)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Most of the files are kept on hard copy, to prevent digital espionage
Penelope Garcia: Okay, good thing one of us reads 20,000 words per minute. Time to get my spy face on!

Penelope Garcia: Now we're talking! Wow...
Dr. Spencer Reid: What'd you find?
Penelope Garcia: A ghost file in a ghost folder on a ghost server that nobody wants me to know about!

"Criminal Minds: Reflection of Desire (#6.8)" (2010)
Aaron Hotchner: I sent Morgan and Prentiss.
David Rossi: Only one victim?
Aaron Hotchner: It's what he did to her that concerns me. Morgan sent these, also late last night. He and Prentiss are waiting in the district.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The body seems posed. Left arm raised. Oh, that's first. I see your concern.
Penelope Garcia: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A photo wasn't all he took.
Penelope Garcia: Reid, what?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Her lips have been removed.
Penelope Garcia: Oh, my God.
David Rossi: Maybe a trophy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe he ate them?
Penelope Garcia: Okay, now I have that memory burned in my mind for the rest of my life.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You asked.

Dr. Spencer Reid: This building has three exits, north, south and west. You're here to target a woman, but you don't want to attract attention.
Aaron Hotchner: Well, standing in the middle, gawking at passing women, would certainly attract attention. Like you're doing now.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's that?
Emily Prentiss: Just like that. IQ of 187 is slashed to 60.

"Criminal Minds: Risky Business (#5.13)" (2010)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Watching Prentiss play with a wooden toy puzzle] What is that?
Emily Prentiss: It's called a 'star puzzle'. It's basically impossible to figure out.You have to put all of the pieces back together to form a perfect star. But the origin of it is, um, kind of a romantic tale.
[She abandons the puzzle to explain as the rest of the team stops what they're doing to listen]
Emily Prentiss: There was this young prince who wanted to win the heart of the fairest maiden in the land, so he climbed to the top of the tallest tower in the kingdom and he caught a falling star for her. Unfortunately, he was so excited that he dropped it and it smashed into all of these pieces. So he frantically put it back together again to prove his undying love to her and he succeeded and they lived happily ever after.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That doesn't make any sense.
Emily Prentiss: What do you mean?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You can't catch a falling star. It would burn up in the atmosphere.
Emily Prentiss: Yeah, but it's not literal, Reid, it's a fable.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But there's no moral. Uh, fables have morals.
Emily Prentiss: Okay, so it's just a romantic little story.
[Reid picks up the pieces and begins assembling it]
Emily Prentiss: And the point is, it's basically impossible to do because you have to take all of those pieces and fit them together exactly -
[Reid sets the completed star on the table]
Emily Prentiss: There's a lot to hate about you, Dr. Reid.

Aaron Hotchner: We believe the unsub responsible for these deaths may be a teenager.
Emily Prentiss: He's a loner. He doesn't participate in team sports or group activities. He's withdrawn, very low self-esteem.
Dr. Spencer Reid: His only form of pure interaction is online. He engages in activity that draws attention to himself yet isolates himself from his peers.
Jennifer Jareau: [presenting the profile to a group of adults] Parents and teachers should watch out for the warning signs: kids with bloodshot eyes, marks on their necks, severe headaches, disorientation.
David Rossi: In real life, he considers himself a loser. In cyberspace, he can pull strings. Makes him feel powerful.
Deputy #1: Does this kid know that other kids are dying because of him?
Derek Morgan: He's choking himself and daring others to do it, so we're most likely looking at reckless homicides here.
Jennifer Jareau: If you see anything that's unusual or suspicious, just call the sheriff's department and we will try to direct you as best we can. All right, thank you.
[the crowd breaks up]
Jennifer Jareau: Well, we told as many parents as we could.
Sheriff Samuels: Do you think it helped?
Jennifer Jareau: Not as much as getting through to the kids will.

"Criminal Minds: Protection (#10.22)" (2015)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quote] "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" - Albert Einstein

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Standing next to Rossi, showing picture] Are you sure? You wanna maybe take another look?
Working Girl #3: Look, I'm sure baby. I remember all the cute ones, like you. I won't forget you or your friend

"Criminal Minds: Breath Play (#10.17)" (2015)
Dr. Spencer Reid: How long was it before the start of the bruising and the kill?
Dr. Paul Stumpo: Roughly 6 hours
David Rossi: Nobody has sex for 6 straight hours, not even Sting!

Detective Angela Pierce: Where does he find somebody like-minded?
Dr. Spencer Reid: In Bare Reflection, Carson Bare takes Amber to an event called a munch
Detective Angela Pierce: Which is?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Rossi takes out his cell phone and starts typing] According to the book it's a social gathering of people interested in BDSM
Detective Angela Pierce: Where the heck do you find that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: We should call Garcia
David Rossi: [showing his phone] I've found one.

"Criminal Minds: The Perfect Storm (#2.3)" (2006)
Elle Greenaway: Dominant one is the mastermind. That's not to say that the submissive partner is in any way pure or innocent in this exchange.
Jason Gideon: If their criminal desire wasn't present, their partnership wouldn't work.
Derek Morgan: The offenders share a common delusion. It's one that you and I would never accept, but it's this bond that justifies their actions.
Detective Robert Portillo: So we're looking for two sick minds who complete each other.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's kind of like the perfect storm. Once these deviant personalities collide, they're deadly and unstoppable.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Like the D.C. snipers or the Columbine assassins. Sometimes they've met in childhood. Other times, they can be related, like the Hillside Stranglers, Angelo Buono and Kenneth Bianchi, psychopathic cousins who terrorized women in Los Angeles. The dominant partner makes the submissive one feel invincible. That's his reward for doing as he's told. Unfortunately, there are countless opportunities for these twisted minds to meet. And once they've pulled off their vicious acts, the two accept this as common behavior and become bored with normal activity. They live only for their new reality. They're obsessed with it, addicted to it. And there's a fierce loyalty between the two. The submissive one, however, is usually less intelligent and easier to catch, and once caught, he is easier to turn.
Jason Gideon: Lack of remorse increases their aggressiveness. Sexual sadists will stop when they're caught.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Strange, in this case the abused actually became the abuser!
Penelope Garcia: That doesn't happen a lot?
Dr. Spencer Reid: One in eight
Penelope Garcia: We found the one

"Criminal Minds: Catching Out (#4.5)" (2008)
Dr. Spencer Reid: So wait, she knew your name?
Derek Morgan: I don't know how I could forget a face like hers
Dr. Spencer Reid: You've been with so many girls that you can't remember all their names?
Emily Prentiss: Oh, come on! You're surprised?
Derek Morgan: This has never happened to me before!
Dr. Spencer Reid: It hasn't happened to me before either
Emily Prentiss: Well, it can't happen to you, you have an eidetic memory
Derek Morgan: And besides, you only have one name to remember

Emily Prentiss: [Seeing Reid look at the pregnant JJ] Are you considering it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Considering what?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Having baby geniuses one day?

"Criminal Minds: The Last Word (#2.9)" (2006)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: This is the story for tomorrow.
[Hands Morgan the printout of the newspaper with the victim's of the Hollow Man]
Derek Morgan: [Reading from the paper] They were our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends.
Jason Gideon: They have every right to be remembered and memorialized.
Dr. Spencer Reid: They didn't mention the shooter.
Aaron Hotchner: He was a nobody who wanted to be somebody by killing people, and they didn't give him that. Good.

Dr. Spencer Reid: The Hollow Man uses simple statements, all first person. Uh, for example, "I won't be ignored." He's obviously tired of feeling this way. It's quite possible he has a job in solitude or one that he feels strips him of his identity. His job might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality. Or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels like he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves.
Aaron Hotchner: But today, he's killed two women, which tells us he's growing confident. This makes him unpredictable and dangerous. And because he has no physical contact with his victims, it's going to make him that much harder to catch.
Derek Morgan: We have more information on the Mill Creek killer, because he spends a lot of time with his victims before and after his kills.
Jason Gideon: Because his victims willingly follow him in broad daylight, he appears harmless. He's most likely handsome.
Agent James Sheridan: Handsome?
Jason Gideon: Yes. These women wouldn't follow an unattractive man. They just wouldn't.
Derek Morgan: He's handsome, and he's got the social skills to trick his victims. Those who know him well, they'd be shocked to learn that he's the man that we're after.
Jason Gideon: He's been able to get his victims away from family, friends. Obviously, this makes him feel powerful.
Agent James Sheridan: If this guy is so smart, why would he risk driving his victims from the abduction site to the woods?
Jason Gideon: Because of the ritual. It's become the most important thing to him. Dominates his thoughts. Woods provide the privacy he needs.
Derek Morgan: The Hollow Man is motivated by external pressures. This is a guy who simply wants attention. The Mill Creek killer, on the other hand, he's driven by internal forces. He's a sexually motivated offender. Now, this makes him a lot more predictable, but don't think for a second it makes him any easier to catch.

"Criminal Minds: Into the Woods (#6.9)" (2010)
Penelope Garcia: Ten-year-old Daniel Lanham was reported missing while on a camp trip with his father last November. His remains were just discovered by hikers in Pennsylvania.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's really close to the Appalachian Trail.
Penelope Garcia: The rangers are the ones calling us in.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The trail covers 14 states and is nearly 2,200 miles long. It's a miracle he was ever found.

Derek Morgan: What'd you find, Reid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I went back ten years, matching reports of missing children with Daniel and Tyler's victimology, and in my estimation, this UnSub may have taken 12 victims.
David Rossi: How can you attribute all of those to the same offender?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The dates and locations of the abductions create an unmistakable pattern.
Emily Prentiss: Now, if he's been abducting children for ten years, why weren't we called in before now?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The thing is, he walks the entire trail, end to end, and each way takes approximately six months. His sixth victim was taken from Dawsonville, Georgia, in 2006. Then he walked all the way to Manchester, Vermont, and he took a seventh victim in 2007. He wasn't down south again until 2009, when James Clutter's parents woke up from a night of camping, he was gone. They just assumed he wandered off.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We didn't get called in because nobody knew he existed. The crimes are years apart and across state lines.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The interesting thing is, ten years ago he was a more aggressive hunter, likely on the move hunting and killing all 365 days a year, but two years ago he stopped travelling so far.
Emily Prentiss: He's slowing down.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think something's affected his mobility, or old age, or an injury from years of living on the trail. But the odd thing is, for the past two winters, he's returned to this 30 mile radius. He takes a victim with him in the fall to stay with him until spring somewhere within that area.
David Rossi: These are harsh winters. He needs to find shelter.
Derek Morgan: And it would have to be heavily camouflaged. Even the most experienced hikers haven't seen it.

"Criminal Minds: The Hunt (#10.23)" (2015)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Although the observable universe is continually expanding, there's really no way of knowing the whole thing is gonna ultimately collapse into one gargantuan Black Hole
Derek Morgan: Wow, there's actually something our little genius doesn't know

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Seeing JJ exhausted, eating dry biscuit] Not you too! Am I getting another godson?
Jennifer Jareau: Possibly. Maybe goddaughter

"Criminal Minds: Demonology (#4.17)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: This is kind of starting to freak me out a little bit
Derek Morgan: Let's figure out if we have a crime before we start freaking out

Dr. Spencer Reid: Garcia? It's Reid
Penelope Garcia: Speak, Boy Wonder

"Criminal Minds: Blood Relations (#9.20)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Looking at their case histories, both men filed dozens of harassment and nuisance lawsuits against each other, including unfounded claims of burglary and trespassing. Then, in 2011, Matthias Lee filed a civil complaint against Clark Howard "to kiss his ass". Clark Howard responded with a motion to go...
[Looks at the folder, trails off]
Dr. Spencer Reid: You can't actually do that with the male anatomy.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I talked to three farmers with three different strands of barbed wire stolen. None of them saw the thief, but they all swear it was the same person: The Mountain Man!
Alex Blake: Should we have Garcia look into it as a pseudonym?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think maybe we should hold off on that. The Mountain Man seems to be a confluence of several local legends. Some say he's part of the backwoods Appalachian population, others say he's a confederate holdout trying to start a second civil war to turn brother against brother. But the one thing they all could agree upon is that when you go into a darkened bathroom and you chant "I hate The Mountain Man" three times, he'll pop up behind you and kill you the next time you hear Lynyrd Skynyrd on the radio!

"Criminal Minds: The Slave of Duty (#5.10)" (2009)
David Rossi: We believe our unsub is already with his next victim. If he matches pattern, she'll be a successful woman, probably brunette, early 30s to mid-40s. She'll be at home in Nashville's upper echelon.
Dr. Spencer Reid: This means that he fits in. He drives the right car, he wears the right clothes, he's highly intelligent, and probably comes from a place of status.
Derek Morgan: This guy's sociable, and he's endearing. You would never suspect that this man is capable of murder. But he will do whatever it takes to protect the fantasy that he's trying to relive.
David Rossi: It's this fantasy which fuels his drive. He's recreating a romantic evening, repeating it with each of his victims.
Derek Morgan: He most likely recently had a relationship taken away from him. So look at men who have lost loved ones or gone through a messy divorce.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Like Bundy, these women are representations of that first loss. Uh... Bundy picked victims who had similar features to the woman that abandoned him, and we believe that our unsub is doing the exact same thing.
Emily Prentiss: These women were confident, successful, and strong, and they fought back. Which means he has the ability to overpower them fairly easily.
David Rossi: He believes, or fantasizes, he's in a relationship with these women. No matter how fleeting the initial interaction is, it's everything to him, an invitation.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Our technical analyst has compiled a list of locations that the victims visited prior to their death. These are high-class establishments. We're going to want to visit the same places.
Derek Morgan: So look for men who fit the profile, but also women who match victimology. If somebody's been paying a little too much attention to them, talk to them. Get a read, then jot their name down so that we can check them out.
Det. Landon Kaminski: All right, folks, pick up your canvassing assignments and get to work.

Sympathetic attendant: If there's anything I can do...
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: [shakes hand] Thank you.
Evidence Tech Gina: I'm so sorry for your loss.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Thank you, Gina. Thank you for coming.
David Rossi: [next in receiving line] I think you could use some air. Jack's okay. I saw him with his cousins.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Okay. Jessica, would you make sure that, uh, Jack gets something to eat?
Jessica Brooks: Sure.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: I'll be right back. Thanks.
[follows Rossi and the men pass the team sitting in chairs at a table, and go off-screen]
Emily Prentiss: [gravely] What do we do?
Derek Morgan: There's nothin' we can do. We just gotta wait him out.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looks up] You think he'll ever come back?
Jennifer Jareau: [stoically] Would you?
Derek Morgan: He'll come back. I just don't know what he's gonna look like when he does.
Jennifer Jareau: We just... need to be there for him when he's ready.

"Criminal Minds: Limelight (#3.13)" (2008)
Aaron Hotchner: [to Rossi] Take Reid with you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Road trip, nice! I've got books on tape with Peter Coyote reading the entire Foundation Trilogy.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I think it's only a matter of time before he grows comfortable and starts killing closer to home
Emily Prentiss: Unfortunately that only helps us if there is a fresh kill
Derek Morgan: So there is a woman out there right now who has to die so we can do our job

"Criminal Minds: Route 66 (#9.5)" (2013)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hey, you wanna read? I always read when I'm anxious.
[hands Derek a book]
Derek Morgan: [reads the title] "The Magical Mathematics of Quantum Physics" - ah! Nope.
[hands it back]
Derek Morgan: I'm good, I'll wait for the movie.

Derek Morgan: Well, we can't cover everything! Texas is huge
Dr. Spencer Reid: 286,581 square miles to be exact. Largest state in the contiguous 48 and the 2nd most populous. Don't mess with Texas!

"Criminal Minds: What Fresh Hell? (#1.12)" (2006)
Jason Gideon: You know what program did the most harm to this country, in terms of crimes like this? Child abduction?
Det. Charlotte Russet: No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Stranger danger.
Jason Gideon: Flooded the schools with it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I remember them coming to my classroom. It was Officer Friendly with stranger danger coloring books.
Jason Gideon: Taught a whole generation about a scary man in a trench coat, hiding behind a tree. Then we learned that strangers are only a... fraction of the offenders out there. Most are people you see every day - your family, your neighbors, schoolteachers. You know the rest. Prepared our children for 1% of the danger, made them more vulnerable to 99%. So we've been wrong before. All we can do is learn from it, and hopefully be better next time.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Long-term stranger abductions of children Billie's age are rare. They represent only half of one percent of all missing cases per year. But they are usually more likely to be fatal. Of the children that are abducted and murdered, 44% die within the first hour. From that point forth, their odds of survival greatly decrease. 75% are gone after three hours. Virtually all of them are dead after twenty-four.
Aaron Hotchner: Which means we have just under four hours to find her.

"Criminal Minds: Fear and Loathing (#2.16)" (2007)
Aaron Hotchner: The suspect we're looking for is a black male, statistically between the ages of 20 and 35. We know he's black because of his victims. Sexually motivated killers almost always kill within their own race.
Derek Morgan: The victims he's chosen are good girls. They're good students. No behavioral problems. They're what we call "low-risk".
Emily Prentiss: And the lower the risk of the victim, the higher the intelligence of the unsub.
Jason Gideon: Guy's a smooth talker. Makes people feel at ease. Gains their confidence. You'd be amazed what these guys can talk people into.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Jeffrey Dahmer was once pulled over by police officers for driving over the center line. He'd a garbage bag full of body parts in the back seat of his car, but he was so calm and so self-assured that he convinced the officers not to look in the bag. He then went on to kill at least fifteen more people.
Aaron Hotchner: This guy's a hustler. He may not have a lot of education, but he knows how to trick impressionable young girls. Victor Paleologus used to trawl shopping malls pretending to be a movie producer. He told Kristi Johnson he could get her an audition for a James Bond movie. And that was the last time she was ever seen alive. We think because all these girls are singers, that the unsub may be connected in some way to the recording industry.
Derek Morgan: We know the unsub has a vehicle. Big enough to transport a body. It's clean. It's not too old. Nice enough to make a girl feel comfortable inside, but it's not flashy. This is not a guy who wants to attract attention to himself.
Aaron Hotchner: Probably a large, dark sedan.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: We recommend putting this profile on the news, the paper, anywhere it might be seen by the people in this county.
Derek Morgan: This guy's ruse didn't work on everybody. Somewhere out there is at least one woman who didn't fall for his game, and... that's who we need to find.
Aaron Hotchner: The key to this unsub's psychology is the souvenir he takes. We don't know what it is yet, but we know that once he has it, his victim then becomes disposable, and that's when he kills her.
Jason Gideon: The unsub's ritual was interrupted when he killed Sandra Davis. We don't believe he was able to take a souvenir from her. We think he may revisit her house or any place she may have frequented.
Aaron Hotchner: We recommend surveillance in locations where the unsub might approach young girls. Churches, high schools, libraries, coffee shops.
Jason Gideon: Stick with the community. The people of this county should be able to offer some good leads.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [closing quote, voiceover] "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." - Cicero.

"Criminal Minds: Brothers Hotchner (#8.23)" (2013)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you think you'd be able to describe the person you bought the XTC from?
Raver: Don't have to, he's right over there
[points to a body bag]

Penelope Garcia: [Picks up the pohone] Go for greatness
Derek Morgan: Hey Baby Girl, I need you to run a search on delayed onset MDMA Meth amphetamine mixtures. See if you can find anything about...
Penelope Garcia: Wow!
Jennifer Jareau: What?
Penelope Garcia: Double oh to the wow to the oh wow power! There's a drug called para-methox... ish...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Para- methoxymethamphetamine?
Penelope Garcia: Yes! What you just said: PMMA for short

"Criminal Minds: The Fight (#5.18)" (2010)
David Rossi: I actually think San Quentin was nicer.
Jonathan Simms: Yeah, trust me, it's not.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What do you mean?

David Rossi: [at the Red Cell's makeshift base of operations] I actually think San Quentin was nicer.
Jonathan Simms: Yeah, trust me. It's not.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [unaware Prophet is an ex-con] What do you mean?

"Criminal Minds: The Stranger (#6.21)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you wanna know why horror movies are so successful?
Derek Morgan: Why is that, genius?
Dr. Spencer Reid: They prey on our instinctual need to survive. In tribal days, a woman's scream would signal danger and the men would return from hunting to protect their pack. That's why it's always the women and not the men who fall victim to the bogeyman.
Ashley Seaver: Count on you, Reid, to break a movie down to science.

Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, San Diego's essentially one big college town, with an enrollment at SDCU of approximately 65,000 students.
Ashley Seaver: San Diego County has nine universities, five private, four public. We add seven more if we're including trade schools.

"Criminal Minds: The Road Home (#9.13)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: The number sequence starts at 3553 and ends... at 87. Clark was killed on January 14th, 87 days before scheduled release date of April the 11th Working backwards and taking into account the 2008, 2012 leap years
[mumble... days, mumble]
Dr. Spencer Reid: april 9th 2004 exactly when Clark began prison term.

Dr. Spencer Reid: You've plans tonight?
Jennifer Jareau: Eh, does sleep count as a plan?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I am going to a Korean film festival in Georgetown. You can come with me if you want. A lot of the entries probably aren't subtitled yet, but I can do a simultaneous whisper translation while we watch.
Jennifer Jareau: Sounds fun, but I am really tired.
[Reid answers in Korean something like: That's fine, no problem]

"Criminal Minds: Safe Haven (#6.5)" (2010)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Family annihilators tend to kill the children first. It makes the parents suffer the most.

Dr. Spencer Reid: ...So, at same point, he was most likely removed from his family. Now, I had Garcia widen the search of missing children to those in foster house and juvenile care facilities, all represented by those ten black dots.
Emily Prentiss: Ten kids fit our profile. That's great.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, each dot represents a thousand currently in system.
Emily Prentiss: Ten thousand children?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Nebraska's one of the nation's highest per capita state ward populations.

"Criminal Minds: About Face (#3.6)" (2007)
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: You guys can catch up on the jet.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Oh yeah, that'd be great.
David Rossi: The jet?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We have a jet now.
David Rossi: Are you serious?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Oh yeah, it comes in pretty handy.

Derek Morgan: [after Reid sneaks up behind him in a mask and scares him] See, that right there is why Halloween creeps me out.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You're scared of Halloween?
Derek Morgan: I didn't say I was *scared*, I said I was *creeped out*. There's a difference there, youngster, you should look it up.
Emily Prentiss: What creeps you out about it?
Derek Morgan: I don't know, people wearing masks. I don't like folks in disguises.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's the best thing about Halloween! You can be anyone you wanna be!
[Reid throws Morgan a piece of candy]
Derek Morgan: Nah, I'm pretty good just being me.
Emily Prentiss: Yeah, why is it that neither of those points of view surprise me?

"Criminal Minds: A Family Affair (#7.16)" (2012)
Derek Morgan: So, he parks in the road and then carries the body... What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: 52.6 yards.
Derek Morgan: Uphill. So, he's got to be in great shape.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, more often than not, prostitutes are murdered and dumped in the same area that they work.
Derek Morgan: So, then, why take the time to drive the extra 40 miles outside the city?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe he's already up here. He picks them up downtown, takes them to a secondary location, kills them, and gets rid of the body as fast as possible.
Derek Morgan: Which means he lives nearby, in the suburbs.
Dr. Spencer Reid: With 76,728 other people.

Emily Prentiss: Still no sitter?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: My sitter is not available. Apparently I have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting a sitter on a Saturday night.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's going on tonight?
Emily Prentiss: Oh, it was ladies night, but...
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I forgot to book a sitter.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'll do it.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What? I've seen an episode of *Mr. Belvedere*.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You've never babysat by yourself before.
Emily Prentiss: You know, he could do a couple of hours.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What could possibly go wrong?
[on next day, at the FBI Triathlon finish gate]
Dr. Spencer Reid: "A couple hours. A couple hours." You guys didn't come home till sunrise.

"Criminal Minds: Out of the Light (#6.22)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Autopsy report revealed fragments of glass in some of Angela's wounds.
Aaron Hotchner: Were they able to identify the blades used?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Only that there were a number of them.
David Rossi: The doctor mentioned she had heavy metals in her blood.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, the highest one being lead.
Derek Morgan: Well, add that to the unique patterns of her wounds and the glass in her cuts. Maybe this guy worked with stained glass. Talbot had stained glass in his front door.
Ashley Seaver: The Owens had stained glass window chimes in their condo.
David Rossi: Lead fumes can get into your system during the soldering process.
[Seaver gives Rossi a weird glance]
David Rossi: What? My second wife was crafty.

David Rossi: What have you got?
Derek Morgan: It looks like this guy Talbot had another hobby. The girls in these photos can't be more than 16 years old.
David Rossi: Photos? Morgan, how many are there?
Derek Morgan: I'm thinking 30, 40.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Fifty-four.
Derek Morgan: Excuse me. That's 54.

"Criminal Minds: The Bittersweet Science (#7.10)" (2011)
Penelope Garcia: Okay, Rossi, out with it. Is Hotch dating?
David Rossi: I don't know.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, statistically, widowed men start dating much faster than females, but Hotch is refuting the data. It's been two years and 19 days.
Penelope Garcia: Venus is aligned with Mars, which means love is in the air and maybe we will get weekends off.
[Morgan clears his throat]
Penelope Garcia: What? Is he standing there? He's standing there, isn't he?
Aaron Hotchner: Hello, Garcia.
Penelope Garcia: Hello. Someone talk about the case.

Dr. Spencer Reid: But this sort of strenuous killing could result in fatigue, increase in appetite, and disorientation.
Jennifer Jareau: Like he ran a marathon.
Dr. Spencer Reid: For some, it could also result in convulsive episodes.
Jennifer Jareau: Epilepsy?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sort of. Oftentimes after you kill, neurons in your brain misfire and you become over stimulated which causes you to start seeing things.

"Criminal Minds: Fatal (#9.22)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: These pieces of twine are all different length
Derek Morgan: And you're just figuring that out?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think it's by design! Starting with the first victim, the lengths are 25, 15, 12 and 19 inches
Derek Morgan: Yeah, so what?
Dr. Spencer Reid: If you convert inches to centimeters, you'll have a 64, 38, 31 and 48, the exact ages of all four victims! I think I know what this is about!

Dr. Spencer Reid: Detective, can you make the surveillance videos go any faster?
Detective Jimmy Tavez: How much speed do you want?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Go back to the beginning; I'll watch all 5 weeks in the video
Detective Jimmy Tavez: But that's...
Dr. Spencer Reid: 525 hours
Detective Jimmy Tavez: Yeah, we don't have time for that
Derek Morgan: Reid, tell him what you did this morning for breakfast
Dr. Spencer Reid: I read "War and Peace". Reread it actually, this time in original Russian
Derek Morgan: Trust me detective, there is enough time!

"Criminal Minds: The Boys of Sudworth Place (#10.8)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quotation, voiceover] Wayne Dyer once said "How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours."

"Criminal Minds: Gabby (#9.16)" (2014)
Penelope Garcia: There were no calls, but Ian's cell pinged off of three cell phone towers outside of town on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. I sent you the locations
Dr. Spencer Reid: Cell tower range and directionality can be dramatically influenced by atmospheric, electromagnetic and traffic capacity variations
David Rossi: Meaning?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A cell phone can travel to the same location but ping off of different towers on different days, due to independent outside variables.

"Criminal Minds: All That Remains (#8.14)" (2013)
David Rossi: The odds of this event striking the same family on the same day must be a billion to one.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Close enough.

"Criminal Minds: Hanley Waters (#6.20)" (2011)
Penelope Garcia: Florida's a stand-your-ground state.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Castle Doctrine based on English common law that allows homeowners to use deadly force to protect their land.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, it's a highfalutin way of saying that the gun laws are lax at best. After the 2008 elections, the Floridians were nervous about losing their second amendment rights, and gun sales shot through the roof, pun intended.

"Criminal Minds: The Thirteenth Step (#6.13)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, what if they really are struggling with sobriety? If they're really working the program, they could be working on the hardest steps.
Aaron Hotchner: Which are?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Seven, eight and nine. Acknowledge your shortcomings, accept responsibility, and make amends. The trouble is, these UnSubs already broke one of the most important steps.
Derek Morgan: What's that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The 13th step. Members aren't supposed to enter relationships with each other while trying to get sober.

"Criminal Minds: Compromising Positions (#6.4)" (2010)
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think I can do it. I can get her to cooperate.
Aaron Hotchner: How?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Right now, two alpha males are in there, attacking her marriage. She'll react the same way to anyone, challenging her husband's dominance. But I'm not a threat. I think she'll listen to me.

"Criminal Minds: Final Shot (#9.3)" (2013)
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's too bad all those emails and texts are gone forever
Jennifer Jareau: Uhm... I'm sorry, have you ever met Penelope Garcia?

"Criminal Minds: The Inspiration (#9.1)" (2013)
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a long explanation, so bear with me. When Pheidippides ran a marathon, he had faith.
Aaron Hotchner: He also died. Go on.

"Criminal Minds: Masterpiece (#4.8)" (2008)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Looking through glass at Professor Rothchild] I never have any normal fans.

"Criminal Minds: Secrets and Lies (#1.21)" (2006)
Jennifer Jareau: What do you suppose this is all about?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Call me cynical, but considering it's 2 AM I doubt it's good news!
Jennifer Jareau: You are a genius

"Criminal Minds: A Place at the Table (#10.20)" (2015)
Dr. Spencer Reid: I heard you were hungry so I thought I might bring you a little surprise
Penelope Garcia: What good is in this? It's a croissant and it's still warm! Oh, you love me and I love you! I... I know I flirt with Derek, but that's like animal blood in the nostrils kind of thing. What we have is a pure transcendent, blueberry filled...

"Criminal Minds: The Fallen (#8.7)" (2012)
Alex Blake: Wait, there's something else. All her communications are to Minnesota numbers. There's not one from California.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So she lived somewhere two months and didn't make any friends? I thought that only happened to me.

"Criminal Minds: Zoe's Reprise (#4.15)" (2009)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Victim one, Travis Bartlett, was last seen at a gay bar. He was shot at night in a park. Victim two, Lily Nicks, a thirty-four year old prostitute, her throat was slashed. Victims three and four, June Appleby and Troy Wertsler, were shot in their car at a parking lot outside of a movie theater. And victim five was a twenty-eight year old single woman, Kayla James, killed in her home. She was bound, suffocated with a bag over her head, evidence of rape.
Emily Prentiss: And then the sixth victim was Zoe.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Victimology, weapons used, and C.O.D. are all different. I mean, it's hard to imagine it's even the same unsub.
David Rossi: It can't be a coincidence that Zoe goes to Kayla James' house and gets murdered.
Aaron Hotchner: All right, let's say it is the same killer. Does anybody see a pattern?
Emily Prentiss: Well, maybe. Okay, in the first crime, he shoots the victim. The second crime, he rapes a woman and slashes her throat; that's more personal. And the third crime, he escalates to killing two people, and the fourth, he escalates even more by raping a woman, binding her, and suffocating her.
Aaron Hotchner: So if it is the same unsub, you could argue that there's a progression of violence with every kill.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It could be an anger excitation offender getting more daring with each crime.
Derek Morgan: I think I got something here. Look at this. The slashes in the prostitute's throat, they're all shallow, unsure cuts. The Kayla James crime scene, telephone cord, rope, and duct tape were used. It's like he couldn't decide how to bind her.
Aaron Hotchner: So without a gun, he's sloppy, inexperienced.
Derek Morgan: The young couple shot in the car... that crime scene remind you of anything?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, they were shot with a .44 Bulldog, just like the Son of Sam used on his victims, which were also young couples in parked cars. It might be nothing, but you're right, there is a parallel there.
Emily Prentiss: With the second victim, it's hard not to think of Jack the Ripper. The obvious similarity being it's a prostitute whose throat was slashed.
Aaron Hotchner: Kayla James was bound, tortured, raped, with a plastic bag over her head, like BTK.
Derek Morgan: What about victim number one?
David Rossi: Garcia, what neighborhood was he found in?
Penelope Garcia: At a park in the Kingsbury Run area.
David Rossi: Zoe reminded me last night that Cleveland's most famous serial killer was the Butcher of Kingsbury Run. He found his victims in gay bars, shot them, and dumped their body there. Travis Bartlett was last seen at a gay bar, and his body was found in Kingsbury Park.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So these are copycats of famous serial killers?
David Rossi: He's a serial killer studying serial killers.
Aaron Hotchner: See you in Cleveland, Dave.

"Criminal Minds: Scream (#10.15)" (2015)
Jennifer Jareau: Both were technical single. They could have been looking to meet new people. Maybe that was his in
Dr. Spencer Reid: Raymond Fernandez used to place personal ads in the newspaper. He would seduce and rob the woman who answered them
Jennifer Jareau: The unsub could be a lonely hearts killer
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe he hunts his victims in places where singles hang out. You know bars, nightclubs, chess tournaments

"Criminal Minds: Bloodline (#4.13)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Slitting someone's throat is quick and efficient
Emily Prentiss: That's because the real target was down the hall
Agent Jordan Todd: She has a name
Emily Prentiss: What?
Agent Jordan Todd: She's not "the target". Her name is Cate, she's ten years old
Emily Prentiss: Right

"Criminal Minds: Our Darkest Hour (#5.23)" (2010)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [to Detective Spicer] Evil can't be scientifically defined. It's an illusory moral concept that doesn't exist in nature. Its origins and connotations have been inextricably linked to religion and mythology. This offender has shown no signs of any belief. I'm... I'm Spencer Reid.

"Criminal Minds: Hashtag (#10.7)" (2014)
Kate Callahan: What's his end game?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Fame
[together with JJ]
Jennifer Jareau: Fear
[together with Spencer]
Aaron Hotchner: Probably both, he is a sadist and he is enjoying the panic he is creating.

"Criminal Minds: Solitary Man (#5.17)" (2010)
David Rossi: So, how long is it gonna take you to get in that ditch?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Get in that ditch? I got shot in the knee, remember? My doctor says I'm not allowed to do any climbing.
David Rossi: It's a ditch.
Dr. Spencer Reid: New boots, huh? Italian leather?
[Reid walks down to the ditch]
David Rossi: [after several conversations about the crime scene,] Do you have any ideas why?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No.
David Rossi: Well, I guess there is a first time for everything.
[Rossi walks away]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hey, Rossi, I'm gonna need a little bit of help getting out of this ditch. Rossi? Rossi?

"Criminal Minds: What Happens in Mecklinburg... (#9.21)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [opening quote] Albert Einstein said: "In matters of truth and justice there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same"

"Criminal Minds: The Silencer (#8.1)" (2012)
Alex Blake: Hold on. See how he wrote "Waiting on the taste of honey." It's got southern U.S. roots, but more specifically, it's Texas south, a sub-dialect of southern English found in the north-central part of the state. Right here, you wait for something that hasn't shown up, you wait on something that's nearby.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Then the taste of honey would be close.
Alex Blake: Yes, and the storyteller is probably from north of here.

"Criminal Minds: The Company (#7.20)" (2012)
Derek Morgan: I'm telling you, that's not the woman I know. She wouldn't do that.
David Rossi: Then, what is it, Derek? Why would she behave this way?
Derek Morgan: She said she needed to cook dinner for him. Is that what you cook for your husband? Would you make that for Will?
Jennifer Jareau: No. I might for Henry, though.
Derek Morgan: Exactly. When I was growing up, this is what Cindi and I ate. This exact brand. Hotch, what did your mom make you for breakfast?
Aaron Hotchner: Oatmeal and orange juice.
Derek Morgan: What do you make for Jack?
Aaron Hotchner: Oatmeal and orange juice.
Derek Morgan: Same brand?
Aaron Hotchner: Uh-huh.
Derek Morgan: She might have been cooking dinner, but it was not for Malcolm Ford.
Emily Prentiss: You think they have a child?
Derek Morgan: Yes, I do.
Dr. Spencer Reid: We didn't profile that. There's no evidence of one in the home or in their lives.
Jennifer Jareau: Unless Ford keeps the child from her to keep her in line. I mean, that fits the profile.
David Rossi: It's a stretch.
Derek Morgan: It's the only theory that would explain her behavior.
Aaron Hotchner: All right, Morgan. Prove it.

"Criminal Minds: Supply and Demand (#6.24)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: What happened to you?
Derek Morgan: Guy was huge. Seriously.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You should start working out.
Derek Morgan: You got jokes now?
[Reid chuckles]

"Criminal Minds: Riding the Lightning (#1.14)" (2006)
Penelope Garcia: You guys do realize that visiting death rows is not part of my job description?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Garcia, this will be the first serial killer couple ever recorded for VICAP
Penelope Garcia: They slaughtered 13 young girls with blond hair! Hello!
[points to her own blond hair]

"Criminal Minds: The Wheels on the Bus... (#8.8)" (2012)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe the parents got divorced?
Penelope Garcia: Maybe the parents got divorced! Maybe the parents got divorced, Leave it to the genius to come up with the obvious!

"Criminal Minds: Nanny Dearest (#8.21)" (2013)
Dr. Spencer Reid: One thing's different, though. He's back in Griffith Park.
David Rossi: Coincidence?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Griffith Park spans 4,310 acres, making it one of the largest urban parks on all of North America. Given its sheer size, coincidence certainly is a possibility.
David Rossi: But he's never repeated parks before.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, he hasn't.

"Criminal Minds: Machismo (#1.19)" (2006)
Derek Morgan: What's all this?
Deputy Borquez: Dia de los Muertos
Dr. Spencer Reid: Day of the dead. Three day Latin holidays where souls of the dead relatives are send return to earth to enjoy the pleasure they once knew of
Deputy Borquez: He sounds like he is reading that out of a book
Derek Morgan: Trust me, he always sounds like that
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, I was reading I picked this pamphlet at the airport

"Criminal Minds: The Big Wheel (#4.22)" (2009)
Emily Prentiss: [in the investigation room; looking at Reid] What's missing from the Michelle Watson murder is any sign of rage or overkill.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, instead on the tape we see signs of remorse. A complete and sudden emotional change. It's absolutely fascinating.
Penelope Garcia: [walking over to Prentiss, looking at Reid] I love you, Reid, but the stuff you find fascinating is sad.

"Criminal Minds: Lo-Fi (#3.20)" (2008)
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'd like to get a map of the borough. I want to a comprehensive geographical profile of the area in order to ascertain the unsub's mental map before it's clouded by our own linkage blindness
Detective Brustin: [Looking at Reid] I see you brought your own computer

"Criminal Minds: The Crossing (#3.18)" (2008)
Detective Steve Berry: Aren't you guys a little overqualified for this case? I mean, this guy's no serial killer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: We construct behavioral profiles for a variety of investigative scenarios. That includes stalking.
Derek Morgan: We've seen this kind of thing before, and it can get ugly real fast.

"Criminal Minds: Psychodrama (#2.4)" (2006)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Basically the assumed suspect will hunt close to where they live but far enough to remain anonymous. Each one of these data points represents the bank and the area where the lines intersect is the best estimate of the unsub home
Jennifer Jareau: To how many people does that narrow it down to?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ahh... a couple of hundred thousand!
Jennifer Jareau: Oh...

"Criminal Minds: Mosley Lane (#5.16)" (2010)
Sarah Hillridge: How long have you been doing this, Dr. Reid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Five years, seven months, and nineteen days.
Sarah Hillridge: In your experience, what normally happens?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Charlie was eight when he was taken, which means developmentally, he was in middle childhood. He had a stronger sense of right and wrong and a growing understanding of his place in the world. Mentally, he had the ability to talk about his thoughts and feelings, while having less focus on himself and more concern for others.
Sarah Hillridge: [nodding blankly] So you think he's gonna be okay?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A mother like you who- who did all this, I-I do. I'm a doctor. I put my faith in facts and statistical probabilities. But today, eight parents are gonna have closure. Three children are going home with their families because you believed your son was alive. It's as close to a miracle as I've ever seen.

"Criminal Minds: Open Season (#2.21)" (2007)
Emily Prentiss: It looks like they were out there for a long time before they were killed.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: At least six or seven days.
Derek Morgan: What happened in that week?
Penelope Garcia: I don't wanna to know.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Look at they way they're dressed. They didn't voluntarily go into the woods like that.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah, neither did this man. Found yesterday with similar wounds. There's still no ID.
Penelope Garcia: Okay, so I'm gonna look for missing persons in Washington.
Jason Gideon: Look everywhere. We don't know where this victim came from. We only know where he ended up.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Kills both males and females.
Aaron Hotchner: Victims were found with their clothes on. No degradation, no experimentation. Doesn't look like he's interested in either.
Emily Prentiss: A serial killer with no sexual preference?
Dr. Spencer Reid: That'd be a first.
Aaron Hotchner: Broken nose, and bark's embedded in his face. Looks like he ran into a tree.
Derek Morgan: Now how do you miss a huge tree?
Aaron Hotchner: Too busy looking behind you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: None of these are defensive wounds.
Emily Prentiss: Courtney Jacobs' hands are torn up.
Derek Morgan: Shane Everett's only got one shoe on. It's like he ran out of the other one.
Aaron Hotchner: He sustained numerous injuries and just kept going.
Jason Gideon: Only one thing you run that hard for. Your life.

"Criminal Minds: Mr. & Mrs. Anderson (#9.15)" (2014)
[Spencer is plunging the toilet]
Jennifer Jareau: Come on, you got to put your back into it, Spence!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Where is Morgan when you need him?

"Criminal Minds: The Inspired (#9.2)" (2013)
Bill Robbins: You like my artwork?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, I do! Is that your feces?
Bill Robbins: Maybe

"Criminal Minds: The Internet Is Forever (#5.22)" (2010)
Penelope Garcia: [looks Reid walking into the room] Well, hello.
Aaron Hotchner: What? Did you join a boy band?
[everybody except Hotch & Reid chuckles]
Dr. Spencer Reid: No.

"Criminal Minds: Omnivore (#4.18)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's so special about the 9th victim?
Aaron Hotchner: He survived!

"Criminal Minds: Parasite (#5.14)" (2010)
Derek Morgan: You're not enjoying this, are you?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I like a good paper-trail. I find it meditative.
Derek Morgan: Is it really that hard for you to be normal just one time?

"Criminal Minds: The Fisher King: Part 1 (#1.22)" (2006)
Derek Morgan: Hour be none?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Walks right in] 3 PM. He Guys, Garcia told me where to find you
Jason Gideon: 3 PM?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's medieval the days used to be broken into hourly intervals, canonicals hours of the Breviary: Prime: 6 AM, Terce: 9 AM, Sext: 12 noon, None: 3 PM and Verspers: 6 PM
Elle Greenaway: Reid, do not ever go away again!
Jason Gideon: Medieval, that's why the language changed

"Criminal Minds: Foundation (#7.18)" (2012)
Aaron Hotchner: Detective, I'm agent Hotcher
Detective Perez: Detective Perez
Aaron Hotchner: This is Dr. Reid
Detective Perez: I thought your team was bigger
Dr. Spencer Reid: The rest are following other leads

"Criminal Minds: Seven Seconds (#3.5)" (2007)
Marie Samuels: Realistically, it'll take at least three hours to cover this place.
Derek Morgan: Realistically, we have less than half that time.
Marie Samuels: How do you figure?
Dr. Spencer Reid: 99 percent of abducted children were killed or died within the first 24 hours, 75 percent within the first three hours, and like, of course you know, Jessica Davis, 44 percent of children were abducted and killed in the first hour.

"Criminal Minds: No Way Out (#2.13)" (2007)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Impossible, a sexual sadist can't feel love
Aaron Hotchner: Now define love
Emily Prentiss: Technically it involves certain brain elements called monoamines, dopamine, neropinephrine and serotonins. Love chemicals controlled by phenethylamine and also found in...
Emily Prentiss: Chocolate! I love chocolate
Dr. Spencer Reid: Peas too! It's also found in peas
Aaron Hotchner: Reid?
[Reid babbles along]
Aaron Hotchner: Reid? Stop! Please!

"Criminal Minds: Cradle to Grave (#5.5)" (2009)
David Rossi: What's this?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's the pattern I've been looking for. The unsubs hid their tracks with the mothers, but they weren't so careful with the abandoned babies.
David Rossi: Did you find more children?
Dr. Spencer Reid: DNA-wise, no, but deductively, yes. I gathered all the records for all infants who entered into foster care in a two week window following each mother's death. Then I narrowed it down to babies that were abandoned at churches. This is where the guesswork begins. Monica Winmar's daughter was abandoned at a Presbyterian church. Let's assume the unsub, or the wife at least, is Presbyterian. That means all other unwanted children are gonna be left at the same denomination, right? That narrows it down to three babies left at three different Presbyterian churches all within this twenty-mile radius. This is where they live.
David Rossi: These kids you deduced to... have you looked at their files?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No. Right now I've only been tracking churches. Why?
David Rossi: Because you just uncovered another pattern.
[cut to Hotch in New Mexico]
Aaron Hotchner: Yeah, we're packing up now. We can be in Phoenix in about two hours. Are you sure about this?
David Rossi: The names of the babies Reid found tells us everything. Lisa, Elizabeth, Amanda.
Aaron Hotchner: We profiled there'd be a type they'd keep and a type they'd put into foster care.
David Rossi: They're keeping the boys.

"Criminal Minds: Outfoxed (#5.8)" (2009)
David Rossi: Hudson, this is Dr. Spencer Reid.
Field Agent Anne Hudson: [shaking Reid's hand] Field agent Anne Hudson. The, uh, father is serving in Iraq. Three nights ago the cops found his family buried over there.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Buried?
Emily Prentiss: Neighbors heard the dog barking, came over, he was scratching at the grave. Lucy, their oldest child, she's still in her swimsuit.
Aaron Hotchner: What does the father know?
Field Agent Anne Hudson: Some of it. He was on patrol. Took his unit a couple of days to reach him. He arrives today.
David Rossi: Last year, the Williams family was killed and found exactly the same way. They lived in Newport News.
Derek Morgan: The father, Dan Williams, was also serving overseas.
Field Agent Anne Hudson: Now the police are overwhelmed and getting serious heat from the military. We need some answers fast.
Jennifer Jareau: As do the media. They're already calling this the work of a serial killer.
Aaron Hotchner: They're right. It is.
Field Agent Anne Hudson: But why bury them? I mean, it can't be to hide the bodies.
David Rossi: It's a sign of remorse.
Derek Morgan: And when they're done being remorseful, this will happen again.

"Criminal Minds: Restoration (#8.18)" (2013)
Aaron Hotchner: Detective Gordinski.
Captain Stan Gordinski: Captain, actually. I was promoted two years ago.
Aaron Hotchner: You remember Dr. Reid.
Captain Stan Gordinski: Ah, what's it been, six, seven years?
[extends his hand]
Dr. Spencer Reid: The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss.
Captain Stan Gordinski: [Retracts his hand] Ah, yeah, I do remember you.

"Criminal Minds: Magnificent Light (#8.9)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: While we initially thought Barry Flynn might be a suspect, it turns out we're looking for one of his followers. An unsub who suffers from erotomania. He's obsessed with Flynn, his latest abductee, and he may believe that Flynn's also in love with him.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Erotomania has very little to do with sex. It's a romantic or spiritual connection that erotomanics crave. Victims of the delusion tend to be from a higher social status and have done very little to stimulate or encourage such a belief.
David Rossi: In fact, it's likely the unsub and Barry Flynn have had no previous contact. His infatuation probably began from afar, considering Flynn's celebrity status.
Alex Blake: The patience required to commit his crimes makes us believe he's a male in his late thirties to forties, who is single and socially immature. He's a loner with poor social skills.
Derek Morgan: And although he is capable of holding down a job, he most likely neglects his duties to focus on his obsession. This is a guy who spends much of his time living in his delusional fantasy world, and he may have been tracking Flynn for quite some time.
Aaron Hotchner: And with erotomania, the most likely recipient of violence is the person standing in the way of the desired object.
Alex Blake: It's possible the unsub witnessed an interaction between his two first victims and Flynn, killing them in a jealous rage.
Jennifer Jareau: Another possibility is that the unsub killed them to prove his devotion.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The weapon used had a ceremonial quality to it, which means the unsub probably views these victims as sacrifices, and the messages he is leaving may be meant for Flynn.
Derek Morgan: In his head, he may believe that he's already involved in a personal relationship with Flynn. And now that Flynn is under his control, the situation is especially precarious.
David Rossi: If the unsub is under the delusion that Flynn also cares about him, then any misstep by Flynn that contradicts that belief could lead to more victims, or even Flynn's own murder to prove they have a special bond.
Aaron Hotchner: And with each passing hour, it's increasingly unlikely that Flynn will be able to match the unsub's expectations for him, so we must act quickly. Thank you.

"Criminal Minds: The Itch (#10.4)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Morgellons?
Penelope Garcia: There is a Magellan astronomy club that meets on Tuesdays
Dr. Spencer Reid: No Morgellons! M-O-R-G-E-L-L-O-N-S
Penelope Garcia: Ah, the vowels will get you
David Rossi: Okay, I'll bite: what's Morgellons?

"Criminal Minds: Faceless, Nameless (#5.1)" (2009)
Penelope Garcia: [to Reid on the phone] Okay, do you want biological information or full medical charts?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Can you *get* the full medical charts?
Penelope Garcia: You know for a smart boy you still ask a lot of *dumb* questions.

"Criminal Minds: A Thousand Suns (#10.3)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: You've been quiet.
Kate Callahan: Sorry.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, a disaster of this magnitude is really hard to wrap your mind around, let alone your feelings.
Kate Callahan: You don't need to worry about me. What, are you are gonna profile me now?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's hard to turn it off sometimes.
Kate Callahan: Look I guess, I just should tell you this... Hotch and Rossi already know. My sister and brother-in-law died in 9/11. They were working at the Pentagon.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So sorry. I imagine this must obviously bring back a lot of painful memories.
Kate Callahan: Yeah. Anyway I don't wanna do that weepy agent with a tragic past. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: My girlfriend was killed in front of me and my mom has schizophrenia... since we're sharing.
Kate Callahan: Thanks for letting me know. After my sister died, I adopted all ten of her kids.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wow!
Kate Callahan: I'm kidding.
[Both laugh]
Kate Callahan: They had a baby girl, Meg. We took her in... actually Chris and I moved into their house. Anyway, she is thirteen and the light of my life.
Dr. Spencer Reid: She sounds terrific.
Kate Callahan: Yeah, she is. Maybe I could bring her by so you can meet her sometime.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I would really like that.

"Criminal Minds: Children of the Dark (#3.4)" (2007)
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: We're looking for two men. Probably white, given the neighborhoods that they hit, mid to late twenties, intelligent, and organized.
Derek Morgan: These are career criminals. One or both has done hard time, but neither presents as a convict. They would appear clean-shaven, well dressed...
Emily Prentiss: Neighborly. This helps them talk their way into the homes. They may also be using a ruse.
Lt. Nellis: What kind of ruse?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Given that the invasions have taken place in the evening, it could be anything. Could be door to door sales, person in distress, car trouble.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, Derrick Todd Lee used a tape of a baby crying to get women to open their doors in Baton Rouge. Never underestimate their creativity.
Emily Prentiss: These men share a very tight bond, and a mutual compulsion to kill, but their signatures reveal two very distinct personalities.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: One brutalizes the parents. This is the dominant one. Sadistic, remorseless, extremely volatile.
Emily Prentiss: The other prefers a needle. His injections are consistent with an angel of death. He's more withdrawn, sensitive, and he has a warped sense of mercy.

"Criminal Minds: Valhalla (#6.17)" (2011)
Emily Prentiss: [dumps her bag on the desk, whose sound makes Reid jump] I'm sorry.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I thought you were in there.
Emily Prentiss: Are you okay?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, I'm... I'm... I'm sure these victims overlap somehow. Garcia pulled their phone numbers, but so far I can't find anything.
Emily Prentiss: You just jumped.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I've been having these really intense headaches lately.
Emily Prentiss: Have you seen a doctor?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, a few. None of them have been able to figure it out.
Emily Prentiss: Oh, I'm sorry. Does anyone know?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You.
Emily Prentiss: I won't tell anyone.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know. They just worry. Not that you're not gonna worry, but they'll just make me feel like a baby. You know?
Emily Prentiss: I do.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How are you?
Emily Prentiss: I'm good.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You've been picking your fingernails again.
Emily Prentiss: Yeah.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You only do that when you're stressed.
Emily Prentiss: It's just a bad habit.

"Criminal Minds: Aftermath (#2.5)" (2006)
Jason Gideon: Doesn't anybody ever go home?
Elle Greenaway: You're here
Jason Gideon: Exactly! Trust me; you don't want to model your social life after mine
Jennifer Jareau: If it makes you feel any better: Hotchner and Morgan took off
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hotch is married, Morgan is just, you know, Morgan

"Criminal Minds: Carbon Copy (#8.16)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: Uh, uh. I think Blake could take her. What do you think?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Mm, their body language hardly seems adversarial. Blake's making direct eye contact, and the tilt of her head suggests she's willingly engaged in conversation.
Jennifer Jareau: Didn't Strauss throw her under the bus back in the day?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It was on the Amerithrax case about 10 years ago. Evidently they apprehended the wrong suspect and she let Blake take the fall.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, I heard they even demoted her a couple grades.

"Criminal Minds: Retaliation (#5.11)" (2009)
Jennifer Jareau: There's been an accident. Emily's in the hospital, Bunting's dead.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Is she all right?
Jennifer Jareau: She has a concussion.
Aaron Hotchner: Is Morgan with her?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah.
David Rossi: Where's Shrader?
Jennifer Jareau: Northbound in a truck.
David Rossi: A truck?
Jennifer Jareau: He has a partner.
David Rossi: What?
Aaron Hotchner: We need roadblocks, now.
David Rossi: Do we have a tag?
Jennifer Jareau: Uh, Emily remembered a partial.
David Rossi: Better than nothing.

"Criminal Minds: Legacy (#2.22)" (2007)
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We're going to provide a psychological profile of the man we're looking for. It contains some unusual, specific personality traits that someone out there is bound to recognize.
Jason Gideon: Which will make him relatively easy to locate. Long-lasting, negative impression he leaves on anyone he might meet.
Derek Morgan: We have a term for the killing behavior this unsub displays: cleaning house. Fixing what's wrong with the world.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's deeply rationalized this behavior, and while he certainly knows the killing is wrong, he truly believes that he's doing the world a great service.
Derek Morgan: Ultimately, this type of unsub becomes a loner. There won't be too many people that can still tolerate him. Now, if he does have a relationship at all, the person will not be his equal. It'll be someone subservient to him.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He'll be... fastidious, tending toward obsessive-compulsive disorder, and he'll have an overwhelming sense of indignation towards the things that he's judged to be wrong. He wouldn't even consider the reasons why someone might disagree with him.
Detective One: He sounds like a real jagoff.
Derek Morgan: Exactly. Class "A" scumbag.
Emily Prentiss: Detective McGee started noticing the disappearances a year ago. The ubsub probably had a stressor at this time. The death of a family member, or someone who had some semblance of control over him. Right now, no one has control over him.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's probable that he isn't currently working after this many victims and the devolution that it brings, a job just wouldn't leave him time to practice his true calling.
Capt. Wright: Which is...?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: A predator. A killing machine. By now, it's become all he thinks about.

"Criminal Minds: The Return (#9.8)" (2013)
David Rossi: How did Gavin know that there would be a cop in the diner at that exact moment?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Chicago has over 13,000 police officers, that is roughly 60 per square mile, and there are two precincts in a 4 block radios of the diner. My guess is just a matter of time before a cop would walk in

"Criminal Minds: Middle Man (#6.7)" (2010)
Emily Prentiss: Whoa!
Penelope Garcia: Welcome to the 21st century.
Emily Prentiss: Yay, technology.
Penelope Garcia: Behold. Everyone has a new tablet.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [frowning] We've gone paperless?
Penelope Garcia: Fear not, doctor of the Dark Ages. I went old school for your anti-technology quirk. Paper files, hard copy photos. But the abacus is your responsibility.

"Criminal Minds: Hopeless (#5.4)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Each of these crime scene locations are a representation of new wealth and status, but the areas surrounding the crime scenes are still populated by long-time residents who are slowly being pushed out.
Derek Morgan: That's a lot of disenfranchised people who are all part of the neighborhood makeup. Most likely these unsubs don't stand out because they're probably local themselves.
Emily Prentiss: I don't know. I'm with Rossi. I mean, anger I get, but this much violence? We're looking at at least three men with an incredible amount of rage. Where do you hide that?

"Criminal Minds: Poison (#1.13)" (2006)
Aaron Hotchner: We believe whoever poisoned these people was motivated by revenge.
Derek Morgan: The randomness of the victimology, average people in an average-sized town, all points to a local resident.
Elle Greenaway: We know that people who poison for the purpose of revenge primarily act alone.
Aaron Hotchner: However, he may have manipulated someone close to him to assist him. The unsub usually disposes of these accomplices when they are of no further use to him.
Elle Greenaway: The unsub is likely a cautious, deliberate, and highly functioning male between the ages of 35 and 50.
Aaron Hotchner: He chose LSD for a reason. LSD is about altering perception. We think that this unsub is striking out because he feels that's he's been inaccurately perceived by the community, or a subset of it.
Derek Morgan: He feels that these attacks will affect and alter a reality that he is caught in, that he perceives to be unjust.
Aaron Hotchner: He's so self-centered, he believes his victims will know the reason for the attack and who did it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: This individual was savvy enough to use Rohypnol to obstruct our investigation, erasing the memories of the victims of how they were poisoned.
Detective Hanover: Hold on. If this guy believes that his victims know who he is, why is he covering his tracks?
Jason Gideon: Because these victims aren't his primary targets.
Aaron Hotchner: We... we know from precedent that this kind of offender, the avenger, tests his weapon first. This attack was a test run.
Detective Hanover: A test run for what?
Aaron Hotchner: We don't know yet. What we do know is this is not the first time he's aired his grievances. While it's not likely that he has a criminal record, it is possible that he has filed criminal charges, or pursued a civil action against his perceived adversaries. And now, to measure the results of his test, he's watching.
Jason Gideon: And he wants to see the results of his test. Once he has them, all those years of pent-up rage will be unleashed in the form of a larger attack. Profile indicates a lot of people could die.

"Criminal Minds: Amelia Porter (#10.10)" (2014)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [open quote] "Remove my sin and I will be clean. Wash me and I will be whiter than snow"- Psalm 51

"Criminal Minds: Birthright (#3.11)" (2007)
Dr. Spencer Reid: I remember reading about the case like this in Spotsylvania County, similar marking on the bone.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It was the winter of 1980.

"Criminal Minds: The Eyes Have It (#5.6)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [learning the unsub removes his victims' eyes] He's an enucleator.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: There's a word for this?