Jennifer Jareau
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Quotes for
Jennifer Jareau (Character)
from "Criminal Minds" (2005)

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"Criminal Minds: Spencer (#12.13)" (2017)
Jennifer Jareau: [closing quotation] "There are so many fragile things after all. People break so easily, and so do dreams and hearts." - Neil Gaiman.

Emily Prentiss: Thanks, Cruz.
[hanging up, to Rossi]
Emily Prentiss: This is bad.
David Rossi: I know. It doesn't make sense.
Jennifer Jareau: [seeing them approach] What's wrong?
Emily Prentiss: Reid is in jail.
Penelope Garcia: Jail?
Emily Prentiss: In Mexico.
Jennifer Jareau: What the hell is he doing down there?
Emily Prentiss: I don't know. I didn't talk to him. The call came into Cruz from their lead investigator.
Luke Alvez: What's he being held for?
David Rossi: Drug possession. With intent to distribute.
Luke Alvez: What type of drugs?
David Rossi: Cocaine and heroin.
Jennifer Jareau: Oh, my god.
Penelope Garcia: This can't be happening.
Emily Prentiss: We need Lewis and Walker here ASAP.

Dr. Tara Lewis: This has got to be Scratch. He was laying low. Now we know why.
Luke Alvez: Crossing the border as a fugitive is a huge risk.
Emily Prentiss: The reward is greater. He's been punishing the team. Now his target is Reid.
Stephen Walker: Peter Lewis dropped off the map after attacking Tara's family. Maybe he's been hiding in Mexico this whole time.
Emily Prentiss: We also have to consider this isn't related to him.
David Rossi: Who else would it be?
Luke Alvez: Drug cartels. Could have threatened Reid and used him as a mule.
David Rossi: Agreed. This could simply be a case of bad luck. Reid was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Jennifer Jareau: Spence's mom is okay. The home nurse he hired said all is stable.
Penelope Garcia: Oh, thank the stars.
Luke Alvez: How long did he tell the nurse he'd be gone?
Jennifer Jareau: Uh, three days.
Emily Prentiss: That sounds reasonable. After the Palm Springs case, Reid said he had to get back to Houston to talk to his mom's doctor.
Dr. Tara Lewis: Well, Houston is only a five hour drive from the border.

Jennifer Jareau: Usually I can read him. I can't believe I didn't pick up on any of this.
Stephen Walker: He didn't want you to, and there's no way you would have guessed he'd end up in Mexico.
Dr. Tara Lewis: The question is why did he go down there?
David Rossi: And why does he have narcotics?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, exactly. That... that... he... he wouldn't... he wouldn't do that. You got... I'm not gonna share any secrets I'm not supposed to, but those... those drugs were planted on him.
Stephen Walker: Absolutely, but there's something bigger in play. That's why he crossed the border and kept it a secret. There's something he didn't want to share with any of you.
Emily Prentiss: Okay, so what would make him risk everything?
Jennifer Jareau: His mom.

Penelope Garcia: Cruz just sent me the arresting report. Hold, please. Translating now. O... kay. It says here that Reid was involved in a high-speed chase.
Emily Prentiss: What? He hardly ever drives.
Penelope Garcia: None of this sounds like him. It says he was wearing jeans, he was really confused. This... according to the arresting officer, he was really high on something.
Jennifer Jareau: No. No. He wouldn't do that. Not after what happened with Tobias Hankel.
Luke Alvez: Who's that?
Emily Prentiss: An offender with D.I.D. who kidnapped and drugged Reid.
Dr. Tara Lewis: When was this?
Jennifer Jareau: Ten years ago.

Jennifer Jareau: Okay, so I dug around his desk, I found a whole lot of articles in medical journals; no big surprise.
Stephen Walker: [flipping through the journal she hands him] This is all about experimental medicine.
Penelope Garcia: Okay, experimental medicine makes sense. I... I got an e-mail from a librarian friend of mine from the FBI library. It looks like our boy wonder has been processing a lot with that beautiful brain of his, all having to do with alternative medicinal procedures for fighting Alzheimer's.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, he told me he was supplementing her meds with omega-3s and making sure she was eating a ton of leafy greens. But he said her prescriptions plus vitamins weren't enough. Maybe he took it to a new level.
Stephen Walker: Because it takes years to pass the FDA guidelines, a lot of holistic medicine is practiced outside the United States.
Jennifer Jareau: [her phone chimes] Okay, they have landed and they are on the way to Spence. All right, well, let's start digging through these, see if we can find anything that can help.

Jennifer Jareau: Is he okay?
Luke Alvez: Yeah. I mean, he's... he's in one piece. I mean, I'm not sure he recognizes us.
Stephen Walker: That could be the drugs.
Dr. Tara Lewis: Would a cognitive help?
Luke Alvez: I really think we're a little far off for that right now. Um... he definitely didn't recognize Scratch's name. But he wrote the name of his local contact, Rosa Medina, on his arm. I just sent the pic to Garcia. He says that she's a doctor.
Dr. Tara Lewis: So his short-term is coming back, but it's limited. It sounds like his long-term is still a mess.
Penelope Garcia: Okay, this definitely reads chicken scratch, but it's... oh, there are a lot of Rosa Medinas in Mexico.
Stephen Walker: Well let's start with women in Houston and Brownsville, and then cross them with Mexican citizens.
Penelope Garcia: Got it.

Jennifer Jareau: He told Emily he was gonna talk to his mom's doctor. If that was true, we all assumed it was the doctor from the clinic, but maybe it was this Rosa Medina.
Dr. Tara Lewis: And she could be being cautious, which is why we haven't been able to find any communication between them.
Luke Alvez: And why should she be cautious?
Dr. Tara Lewis: Well, because in 2015, sixty holistic doctors across the United States died mysteriously. And some were accidents, others violent attacks, others were deemed suicide. Conspiracy theorists believe these doctors were targeted fatally by pharmaceutical companies for their belief in holistic practice.
Stephen Walker: Well, then Rosa Medina might not be her real name.
Penelope Garcia: You think she might have an alias?
Stephen Walker: Look, I've seen it plenty of times. If she's afraid of consequences, maybe she used an anagram. How many holistic doctors with connections between Texas and Mexico?
Penelope Garcia: [typing on her computer] Uh... Sophia Flores. Ana Sorel. Nadie Ramos. Juliet Hernandez.
Stephen Walker: [writing on his legal pad] What's the story with Nadie Ramos?
Penelope Garcia: Uh... uh, let's see. She specializes in experimental drugs that reverse brain degeneration.
Stephen Walker: Have you got a photo?
Penelope Garcia: Yup. Sending it to you guys right now.

Stephen Walker: How are you holding up?
Jennifer Jareau: Ugh. Well, it's been quite a year, but... this...
Stephen Walker: You two are close.
Jennifer Jareau: He's my best friend. Yeah, he's stronger than anyone knows, but he is not equipped to be locked up.
Stephen Walker: Well, I never thought I'd say this, but maybe the drugs are helping with any anxiety.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, I thought the same. I mean, I want him to come down, but then when he's sober, time's gonna stand still and that will drive him crazy.

Jennifer Jareau: So, Emily said they're gonna try a cognitive, but she isn't very hopeful.
Stephen Walker: Did they run a full tox screen?
Jennifer Jareau: No. No, they only looked for cocaine and heroin because those were the drugs in his possession.
Penelope Garcia: And?
Jennifer Jareau: And he tested positive for both.
Penelope Garcia: What?
Stephen Walker: Well, there's gotta be some other sedative present for him to be missing so much time.
Jennifer Jareau: Look, they're only gonna investigate what helps their case, and right now they have a dead Mexican citizen and a drugged-up American suspect.
Stephen Walker: That's true. It's not up to the Mexican authorities to prove what we believe, which is Reid is being framed. They're only looking at who and what's in front of them.
Penelope Garcia: Okay, but... but we can't let him get stuck there.
Jennifer Jareau: Then we'd better hope they come up with something useful from this cognitive.

Penelope Garcia: Okay, I am obsessively refreshing the Mexican prison logs, and so far, Reid is staying put. But... but they could transfer him to Santa Adaladia or El Diablo, both of which make Matamoros look like a day spa. Like a who's who of bad guys. Crazy rough, really overcrowded. There's assaults and murders on inmates monthly.
Dr. Tara Lewis: Look, he's an American accused of murdering a Mexican citizen. The government is well within their rights to keep him there.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, they could do worse. They could lock him up and throw away the key.
Stephen Walker: Look, the only thing we know Reid is guilty of is getting the vials for his mother. Now, maybe the drugs in those vials weren't illegal.
Dr. Tara Lewis: Oh, I hate to say it, but they probably were. I mean, he couldn't get whatever it is stateside.
Jennifer Jareau: Or let's say it wasn't an illegal substance, but whoever planted the heroin in the trunk...
Dr. Tara Lewis: Put something crazy in the vials, as well.
Jennifer Jareau: Right.
Penelope Garcia: [her computer chirps] Reid is going to El Diablo maximum security by they end of the day. They just put in the transfer.

Stephen Walker: My old unit chief at B.A.P. has a call in to the best legal counsel the Bureau has to offer.
Penelope Garcia: We need a dream team.
Stephen Walker: That's what we'll get.
Dr. Tara Lewis: [approaching] Cruz said we need Reid's work history, performance reviews, commendations, and reprimands if there are any, and we need them in the next three minutes.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, Garcia and I compiled the list just in case.
Penelope Garcia: [on her phone] It's done. It's sent.
Dr. Tara Lewis: All right. Now we wait.

Jennifer Jareau: We know you didn't do anything wrong.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But I should have told you guys I was going there. I never... never imagined in a million years it would have turned out like this.
Jennifer Jareau: No one thought that this could have happened. Look, you're not in this alone anymore. Okay? No secrets.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Deal.
Penelope Garcia: [moving to hug him] My turn. Come here, you.
[letting him go]
Penelope Garcia: Oh, my god. Your color's better. All I had to look at was that mug shot, and it had me really worried.
Dr. Tara Lewis: Yeah, we all were.
Stephen Walker: Glad you're back.


"Criminal Minds: The Anti-Terror Squad (#12.5)" (2016)
Penelope Garcia: The Bergstrom family was killed in their home in Winona, Minnesota last night. Mother, father, and little boy, all shot execution style.
Jennifer Jareau: Any suspects?
Penelope Garcia: Therein lies the mystery. The Bergstrom family was as low-risk as they come.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What about murder-suicide?
Emily Prentiss: That was ruled out. There was no murder weapon found at the scene, and both Bridget and Scott Bergstrom were shot in their bed.
David Rossi: But there was a survivor. A teenage daughter.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, seventeen year old Amanda. She was out past her curfew at the moment of the murders.
Jennifer Jareau: And she's the one that found the bodies.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It almost seems like a hitman scenario.
Luke Alvez: Maybe a mafia retaliation kill? But that doesn't seem likely in Winona, Minnesota.
Emily Prentiss: But it does seem like a revenge killing.
David Rossi: If the unsub expected to wipe out the entire family, he screwed up big time leaving Amanda alive.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Unless she had something to do with it.
Penelope Garcia: That's a question mark, but according to the M.E.'s preliminary report, she can't be the shooter based on alibi and time of deaths.
David Rossi: On the surface, they were a well-liked family living a low-risk lifestyle.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The daughter, Amanda. Where is she?
Penelope Garcia: Protective custody, in case the unsub sees her as unfinished business.
David Rossi: We good?
Luke Alvez: Mm-hmm.
David Rossi: We fly.

David Rossi: Bridget and Scott Bergstrom grew up in Winona and have deep ties to the community.
Jennifer Jareau: Scott was a local distributor of farm equipment, Bridget cut hair at a salon in the mall.
Emily Prentiss: And yet they were murdered by a family annihilator.
Penelope Garcia: Sad, but true. The Bergstrom family had their share of dirty laundry. Though who of us does not?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Scott developed a Vicodin habit a few years back after a skiing accident.
Emily Prentiss: So he could have been in over his head with his dealer.
Jennifer Jareau: So, Bridget was having an affair?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah. I looked at their financials. She's got a credit card secret just in her name, with charges to a motel just outside of town and nothing else.
David Rossi: She might have cut things off, causing him to go off the deep end. Can you get us a name?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, I'm already into it. You'll have lover boy's name ASAP.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What about Amanda, the sole survivor? Any motive there?
Penelope Garcia: Deep sigh. I hate that you're asking that. And deep sigh again, I am bound by duty to report the facts. There's a modest insurance policy; seventeen year old Amanda is the beneficiary.
Emily Prentiss: $100,000.
Luke Alvez: That would seem like all the money in the world to a teenager.
David Rossi: People have been killed for a lot less. That's an unlikely motive for the daughter, but we can't rule her out.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Whatever set this unsub off, he made the whole family pay for it.

Emily Prentiss: [at the crime scene] Unsub entered on the second floor through the cut screen.
Jennifer Jareau: He had to be physically fit.
Emily Prentiss: He knew the house well enough to know this was the room to enter.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He went straight to the parents' room. He wanted to remove the greatest threat first.
Emily Prentiss: Based on the bullet trajectory, he was standing here at the foot of the bed when he fired. He wanted to stare at them both before firing.
Jennifer Jareau: And that woke Bridget up. She was attempting to flee when the unsub shot her.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Did he enjoy watching her terror and panic, or was it inexperience on his part? Bridget's scream is probably what woke Kevin.
Jennifer Jareau: So the unsub heads down the hallway, where Kevin is coming out of his bedroom.
Kevin Bergstrom: [flashback] Mom? Dad?
Jennifer Jareau: And he runs into the unsub.

Jennifer Jareau: So it seems this unsub knew who lived here and where each person slept, implying a personal connection with the victims.
Dr. Spencer Reid: In spite of the home invasion, there's no sign of burglary, so he's mission-oriented.
Emily Prentiss: He's highly organized and sophisticated.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The big question is Amanda. Did he think she was home or did he deliberately strike while she was out?
Jennifer Jareau: We need to talk to her.

Amanda Bergstrom: I was supposed to be home by 11:00. That's my curfew. But there was a party and I stayed out all night. My mom, she was really mad at me. She texted me.
Jennifer Jareau: Oh, sweetie, she wouldn't have stayed mad at you. Okay? Please believe that.
Amanda Bergstrom: She said she was disappointed in me. That's the last text she sent. And I ignored it.
Emily Prentiss: Teenagers break curfew. It's normal. I'm sure she loved you very much.
Jennifer Jareau: Amanda, we need your help to find whoever did this. We need to ask you some difficult questions, okay?
Amanda Bergstrom: Okay.
Emily Prentiss: Ron Fergusson said that you new about him and your mom. Is that true?
Amanda Bergstrom: Yeah.
Jennifer Jareau: He said you threatened to tell your dad about the affair.
Amanda Bergstrom: Well, that was just to keep him away from my mom. I... I didn't really want to tell my dad. I... I didn't want him to know.
Jennifer Jareau: How come? Because of the pills?
Amanda Bergstrom: Yeah. Yeah, after my dad broke his leg, he got addicted. And, um... it was really bad for a while.
Jennifer Jareau: And that's when your mom started having the affair?
Amanda Bergstrom: He was always yelling, at everybody, even Kevin. And my mom and him almost split up. Then he worked really hard to get clean. I didn't want to tell him about Ron because I didn't want him to give up. He was doing NA and everything, and he was doing really good, and then my mom even though so, and so when he got his six month chip, she broke up with Ron.
Emily Prentiss: How did Ron feel about that?
Amanda Bergstrom: Okay, I guess. I mean, I'm pretty sure he was already seeing somebody else. Things were just starting to get good again. I thought I was getting my family back.
[crying]
Amanda Bergstrom: Why did this happen? Why is my family dead?

David Rossi: Just got off the phone with Garcia. Fergusson's alibi checks out.
Emily Prentiss: I can't even begin to imagine it. Her whole family gone in the blink of an eye. She's devastated.
Luke Alvez: Fergusson seems to think that Amanda was some kind of conniving shrew.
Emily Prentiss: Well, Amanda may well have been hostile towards him, but for good reason.
Jennifer Jareau: She wanted her parents to stay together. Typical kid. She was candid about what went on. She was genuinely baffled by who would do this and why.
Emily Prentiss: Agreed. That last text from her mom, that one's gonna haunt her.
David Rossi: What's gonna happen to her now?
Emily Prentiss: She has an aunt and uncle in Seattle. They flew in today. So it sounds like she'll be going home with them.
Luke Alvez: We know Fergusson's way too disorganized to pull this off, so where does that leave us?
Jennifer Jareau: Well, the family had their problems, but they were getting back on track.
David Rossi: And yet someone wanted this family dead.
Emily Prentiss: But it doesn't make sense that they'd be targeted by a family annihilator.
David Rossi: What if it's not about *this* family? What if it's just about families?
Jennifer Jareau: So the Bergstroms could be surrogates.
Emily Prentiss: Meaning our unsub will probably strike again.

David Rossi: We believe the unsub is a variation of what we know as a family annihilator.
Emily Prentiss: The garden variety family annihilator is usually a narcissistic male patriarch experiencing psychological stress. This causes him to become homicidal and then suicidal.
Dr. Spencer Reid: His narcissism often manifests as rage directed at a specific family member, prompting him to murder the entire family as an act of punishment and revenge. He then blames the object of his rage for his violent outburst.
Luke Alvez: Once the entire family is dead, the patriarch typically commits or attempts to commit suicide.
Jennifer Jareau: But this unsub is murdering families that are not his own.
Dr. Spencer Reid: There's a distinct punishment component to the annihilation that's driving this unsub.
David Rossi: He's more organized than the typical family annihilator, with greater impulse control and a high level of sophistication.
Emily Prentiss: His sophistication is apparent in the fact that the object of his rage is deliberately spared rather than murdered.
Jennifer Jareau: This allows the unsub the satisfaction of inflicting ongoing psychological pain on the object of his rage.
David Rossi: We're looking for a male in his late twenties, early thirties. He's mature and highly intelligent.
Luke Alvez: Amanda Bergstrom and Matthew Doherty may be surrogates for individuals who wronged the unsub when he himself was an adolescent.
Emily Prentiss: Amanda and Matt both attend Pillsbury High School, and we have not identified any other connection between them or their families.
David Rossi: Pay close attention to the faculty and administrators of the high school.
Sheriff Wilson: A lot of the parents are wondering if we should shut down the high school.
David Rossi: The school itself has not been a scene of violence. Closing it would not deter this unsub.
Luke Alvez: We need you to beef up patrols and warn the public of the ongoing danger.
David Rossi: And we ask you to encourage the entire Pillsbury High School community to report any suspicious individuals they may encounter.

Jennifer Jareau: Is Bakken our guy?
David Rossi: No. He has none of the rage our unsub has.

Luke Alvez: M.E.'s preliminary time of death confirms that we couldn't have missed him by more than a few minutes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: There was extreme overkill here. Victim was shot six times and then bludgeoned. He's decompensating.
Luke Alvez: Or evolving.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, he doesn't care about the family anymore. He's going straight for the bully.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [leaving] Hey, guys? Austin's room.
Jennifer Jareau: The other murders, the unsub left the homes undisturbed.
Luke Alvez: [finding the murder weapon] Well, it certainly looks like this is what he bludgeoned the victim with.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He could have left it in the living room with the body, but instead he brought it back in here and destroyed Austin's other sports trophies.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, you know, everything about this, the overkill, trashing the room, going after Austin's prizes, it fights against our profile of mission oriented organization and impulse control.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well, he's more stressed now. He knows we're closing in.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, it's more than that. His behavior reads juvenile.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Our unsub isn't an adult. He's a child.

David Rossi: Garcia, we need the records of every student at Pillsbury who filed a bullying complaint against Amanda Bergstrom, Matt Doherty, and Austin Settergren.
Emily Prentiss: Also, anyone who received counseling for being bullied by those students.
Penelope Garcia: [typing] Wow. This is a really big pool. I've got twenty-seven names.
Emily Prentiss: Any of those students bullied by all three?
Penelope Garcia: No.
David Rossi: Like Bakken said, most victims never come forward.
Penelope Garcia: So I'm seeing the tip of a really big iceberg.
Luke Alvez: Nobody wants to be a snitch.
Emily Prentiss: Also, bullying is often so widespread, it's normalized.
Jennifer Jareau: It would only amplify the unsub's feeling of powerlessness.

David Rossi: The pool of suspects is still too big.
Luke Alvez: Garcia, can you crosscheck the names you pulled with any mentions on social media of bullying?
Penelope Garcia: Oh, that is a boss idea. I'm gonna do that right now, and...
[typing]
Penelope Garcia: ...oh, this is interesting. I pulled up six names from my list, and they all belong to a private chat group.
Jennifer Jareau: Some kind of bullying support group?
Penelope Garcia: It's called the Anti-Terror Squad, but yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Emily Prentiss: It's an apt analogy. Ongoing bullying would feel like terrorism to those experiencing it.
Penelope Garcia: They warn each other about which stairwells and bathrooms to avoid on any given day. They walk each other to and from school. That kind of thing.
Jennifer Jareau: I tell Henry school's a safe place, but for these kids, it's anything but.
Emily Prentiss: Are there any mentions of retribution or payback, uh, planning?
Penelope Garcia: No. But there's a lot of content here. I'll do a keyword search. It'll take a while.
Emily Prentiss: Okay, so these kids took back some of their power by banding together. They call themselves the Anti-Terror Squad, so they see themselves as righteous.
David Rossi: The unsub may be one or all six of these kids. Garcia, I need you to locate their cell phones.
Penelope Garcia: Sure. Um...
[typing]
Penelope Garcia: They're all in the exact same place. All six of them are in a classroom at Pillsbury High.


"Criminal Minds: Sick Day (#12.2)" (2016)
Jennifer Jareau: [about Trisha and John Bates] Are they in touch?
Penelope Garcia: He was doing work in San Diego about two years ago. Somehow, he found out her email account and tried to reconnect.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Two years ago? That when the first murders took place. Garcia, did she respond to the email?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah. She basically told him to go have sex with himself and then she deleted that email account.

Jennifer Jareau: [opening quote] "Loss and possession, death and life are one. There falls no shadow where there shines no sun" - Hilaire Belloc

Jennifer Jareau: [closing quote] Mother Teresa said: "Love begins by taking care of the closest ones, the ones at home"

Jennifer Jareau: I miss so much. It goes... goes so fast
William LaMontagne Jr.: I know, yeah, but you and me both know you won't be happy unless you're on the job. Neither of us would

Aaron Hotchner: Was she able to give a description?
Jennifer Jareau: Not much of one. White guy, about 6 feet tall. That's about it
David Rossi: Well, that narrows the search

[first lines]
Luke Alvez: Hey.
Jennifer Jareau: Hey.
Luke Alvez: You all right?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah. Yeah.
Luke Alvez: You sure?
Jennifer Jareau: [indicating her bandaged wrist] Oh, you know this... this hurts like hell, but yeah. Yeah, I'm good.
Luke Alvez: You need anything?
Jennifer Jareau: No. I'm okay.
Luke Alvez: Water? Tea? I saw some microwave popcorn back there.
Jennifer Jareau: Really, I'm... I'm fine.
Luke Alvez: You don't look fine. You know, I've seen you look fine. That's not it. I know I'm the new guy and everything, but, uh, I'm here if you need me.
Jennifer Jareau: Listen, I just... I just need my own bed. That's all.
Luke Alvez: All right. If you want to talk, I'm around.
Jennifer Jareau: [he stands to leave] Hey, Luke. Um... thank you. You know, for what you did.
Luke Alvez: You don't need to thank me. We're a team.

William LaMontagne Jr.: What's wrong?
Jennifer Jareau: Nothing. I just... can I please take care of my son?
William LaMontagne Jr.: He's sleeping. Trust me, you don't want to wake him up. JJ, come on, look at me. What is it? What's going on? You want to talk about it?
[she shakes her head no]
William LaMontagne Jr.: Well, you know we have to, right? Remember what the Bureau therapist said. No holding it in, ever. We bring it home, we gotta get it out.
[she instinctively glances at a framed picture of Henry and Michael]
William LaMontagne Jr.: It was kids, wasn't it?

Dr. Spencer Reid: He used the same type of lock and chain to restrain the victims in San Diego.
Jennifer Jareau: He also used cots like this. The wood, too; it's like a funeral pyre.
Luke Alvez: The guys goes from runaways to good kids from good neighborhoods. That's a lot more work and a lot more risk for him.
Jennifer Jareau: So what was so special about these two? Why'd he want 'em so bad?
Dr. Spencer Reid: He may be discovering what his true victim selection criterion is.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, the runaways were probably just a practice run; easy targets, no one reports them missing.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But the boy/girl pattern he's established suggests that there might be some kind of fantasy he's trying to perfect.
Jennifer Jareau: So what's the fantasy, then? Is he righting some kind of wrong? Getting revenge, maybe?
Dr. Spencer Reid: If he has kids of his own, it might have something to do with them.
Jennifer Jareau: I can't imagine what would drive a parent to do something like this.

Luke Alvez: Pyros like to watch, right?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, they do. It's an inextricable component of the compulsion.
Luke Alvez: Look. Look at the position of these cots. The kids could see each other while this was happening.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Psychological torture. And the unsub probably watched, as well until at a certain point the fire took over and he had to go.
Jennifer Jareau: But he needs both kids to make it work. He took Hannah Robertson four days before Max Wasserman. That means he held her someplace and kept her alive.
Luke Alvez: Yeah. As soon as he got Max, he couldn't wait any longer.
Jennifer Jareau: He planned everything. He probably stalked them until he found the perfect place to set his fire.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That would explain the two year dormancy period. Who he burns is just as important as the fire itself.
Luke Alvez: I hate to think what he did to her while he held her here.

Jennifer Jareau: I am so sorry that this is happening, Berto. I know you're scared, but we are your friends. Okay? And we will not stop until we get her back.
Roberto Morales: Can I tell you something?
Jennifer Jareau: Anything.
Roberto Morales: But you can't tell my mom.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah. What is it?
Roberto Morales: I wasn't really sick today. I was just faking it.

William LaMontagne Jr.: You spend a lot of time telling people they can't blame themselves. So maybe you ought to take your own advice. You saved that boy's life, and the woman, too.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, what about Francesca's?
William LaMontagne Jr.: That wasn't your fault.
Jennifer Jareau: Oh, whose fault was it?
William LaMontagne Jr.: The unsub. And now because of you, he's never gonna be able to do that to anyone again.
Jennifer Jareau: Now she's dead because I made a choice.
William LaMontagne Jr.: No, don't. That monster killed her.
Jennifer Jareau: No, I chose Roberto. You want to know why?
[starting to cry]
Jennifer Jareau: Because he reminded me of Henry. That's it. I didn't even realize it 'till later, you know? Maybe if I went to her first, I... I could have saved both of them. I shouldn't have sent Luke out. We could have saved all of them. I know that.
William LaMontagne Jr.: Or maybe you'd all be dead. JJ, you're gonna spin like a top with the "what if?"s. Now, you made a choice; the best choice you could, and two people are alive because of it. You're a hero, Jennifer Jareau. You're my hero and your boys' and your team, and all those other people that you saved. Don't you ever forget that.


"Criminal Minds: Proof (#7.2)" (2011)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Charm's quite the killer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So are tears.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Maybe she offended him.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [sarcastically] Wonder what that's like.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I get it, okay? You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Dodging her] Listen, I have a lot going on, alright?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You know what *I* think it is?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Hurt beginning to show beneath his anger] You think this is about my *profiling skills*? Jennifer, listen: the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I *trusted* you! I came to your house for *ten* weeks in a row, crying over losing a friend, and not *once* did you have the decency to tell me the truth.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Guiltily, fighting tears] I couldn't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Skeptically] You *couldn't*, or you *wouldn't*?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Frustrated] No, I *couldn't*!
Dr. Spencer Reid: [a little more calmly now] What if I had started taking dilaudid again? Would you have let me?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [a little nervously] You didn't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, but I thought about it.
[Starts to leave]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence!
[Spencer stops and looks back at her impatiently]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'm sorry!
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's too late! Alright?
[He walks away, leaving JJ almost in tears and the rest of the team looking concerned]

Dr. Spencer Reid: So, Beth got off the bus here and headed northwest toward class.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's amazing no one witnessed her abduction.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Emily was buried six feet under and wound up in Paris, so I guess anything's possible, right?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So, that is what this is about.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe our UnSub's a little bit like Bundy. He feigns an injury in order to get her to help him.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Look, Spence, if you want to talk about this...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe he tried other tactics, like, "You're really pretty. You should be a model. I can take your photo."
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'll take that as no.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Either one would disarm her.

[last lines]
David Rossi: Cooking is the most sensual art form. And these are my paints.
Penelope Garcia: So your hands must be brushes.
David Rossi: Don't interrupt. In a pot of boiling water, we cook our spaghetti until it's al dente, firm to the tooth. Here you go. Everybody pass it around. See? Feel the texture. There we go. Okay. Now, in a large pan, we fry up our pancetta. Keeping a sharp eye that the edges are crisp.
Aaron Hotchner: But careful not to burn the onions.
David Rossi: Bravo, Aaron! We sauté until translucence.
Derek Morgan: [hearing ding-dong] I got it.
David Rossi: Grazie mille!
[seeing JJ raises the glass to her lips, puts up a hand to stop her]
David Rossi: Oh! Now, we mix in the eggs, the parmesan, the spaghetti and parsley. You see, it's all about timing and rhythm. And if you don't feel yourself doing it properly, please, order a pizza.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sorry, I'm late.
David Rossi: Yeah. And this is why I cook alone.
Emily Prentiss: So, when do we get to drink the wine?
David Rossi: Almost there. Okay. We start at the beginning. You eat what you cook, I'll supervise, but we're gonna do this all together, just like a family.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [holding the glass] Okay now?
David Rossi: Now. Salud!
Penelope Garcia, Aaron Hotchner, Derek Morgan, Dr. Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Salud!

Emily Prentiss: [walking in hall on JJ's left] So, you finished the course?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [some pride in her voice] Mmmhmmm. And completed my case rotation.
Emily Prentiss: Hotch says he's never seen a rookie profiler analyze and write up cases as well as you.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: He said that?
Emily Prentiss: [laughing somewhat as she begins to talk] Yeah, well, after all the cases you presented over the years, I'm not surprised.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Hmm. Hey, where have you been?
[camera quickly pans to Spencer and Emily and JJ catch up]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I wanted to do brunch this weekend.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [feigns busyness] I had to deal with some stuff with my mom; have you seen Garcia?
[walks ahead and they stop]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [question in her voice] Uh, she's with Rossi...
[gestures to Reid]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: he hates me.
Emily Prentiss: [scoffs sympathetically] Mm, he was just busy.
[shrugs]
Emily Prentiss: Let it go.

Aaron Hotchner: All right; let's get started.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Oh.
[Realizes the cases are not hers and proudly hands the information over to a thankful Garcia]
Penelope Garcia: Alright, Mes Amis.
[stands to present]
Penelope Garcia: You are jetting to Durant, Oklahoma, because, in the last three days, two women have been found dead after being sexually tortured and then blinded with a sulfuric acid solution. Abby Elcott is our first victim; 19-year-old art student; she was heading to campus for an advanced drawing class. She'd been missing for two days. Same goes for our second victim, Beth Westerly, 17.
[draws a breath]
Penelope Garcia: She had just finished her coffee shop shift and was on her way to a bar method class.
Emily Prentiss: Both low-risk victims.
Derek Morgan: And physically similar.
David Rossi: How close are the two abduction sites?
Penelope Garcia: [looking down at information] 5 miles apart at bus stops. Abby's cell was found near one. Beth's scarf near the other.
[map illustrates her words]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Where're the dump sites?
Penelope Garcia: One in an alley, the other in a field.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So he stapled their eyes open, then he blinded them.
[Spencer's reaction to JJ is seen and she notices it]
Derek Morgan: It's about power and control; maybe he didn't want them to watch while he hurt 'em.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Or it could be about shame; perhaps the unsub is disfigured himself. Blinding the victims leaves them helpless, lost, totally dependent; it may be a manifestation of how he sees himself in this world.
Emily Prentiss: It is a form of enucleation, just without the scalpel.
David Rossi: His face is the last they see before darkness.
Aaron Hotchner: Garcia, come up with a list of jobs that would give the unsub access to sulfuric acid. The rest of us, wheels up in 30 minutes.
[arises from seat]

Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover as plane flies] If it is a miracle, any sort of evidence will answer. But if it is a fact, proof is necessary. Mark Twain.
Aaron Hotchner: Victimology is very similar. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed teenage girls.
[looks at photos]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: We believe they were each abducted near public transportation stops.
Emily Prentiss: [holds up photo] When was this photo taken?
Derek Morgan: Beth was caught on a bank surveillance camera 3 hours before she disappeared; that's a recent photo of Abby.
Emily Prentiss: So, she wasn't found in the same clothes she was abducted in.
David Rossi: Maybe he changed them because hers were burned by the sulfuric acid.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's possible. Sulfuric acid can turn human flesh into soap.
[JJ's face as Reid is talking is shown as affected due to their conflict]
Aaron Hotchner: Garcia, any recent similar cases in the surrounding area?
Penelope Garcia: [on laptop] Actually, yes. Two months ago, a prostitute and a runaway were both found raped and killed and they had stab wounds to their eyes.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So maybe he practiced on high-risk victims first.
Derek Morgan: And then advanced to chemical enucleation.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Isn't that a rare paraphilia?
Emily Prentiss: Well, the chemical part is. It would exacerbate the pain.
David Rossi: Like Ed Kemper, he's probably practicing on surrogates, before going after the real object of his rage.
Aaron Hotchner: Dave, you and I will talk to the parents. Morgan and Prentiss, go to the disposal sites. JJ, you and Reid to the abduction sites.
[JJ and Reid's faces reflect their feelings about the orders]

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Charm is quite the killer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So are tears. Whatever the ruse was, the unsub most likely used it to get her into his vehicle.


"Criminal Minds: Final Shot (#9.3)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: Who else uses a .308 rifle?
David Rossi: In Texas? Hunters... the Minutemen... housewives... which, unfortunately, doesn't narrow down the field.

Derek Morgan: 12 shots were fired?
Agent Tanya Mays: That's right
Jennifer Jareau: It sounds like an amateur
Agent Tanya Mays: You'd think?
Derek Morgan: Well, 6 people were hit. That's a 50% success rate, during a crowded lunch hour with a high powered riffle at a range of 200 yard. An average Joe can hit that many people
Jennifer Jareau: Trained snipers hit 98% of their targets

Dr. Spencer Reid: It's too bad all those emails and texts are gone forever
Jennifer Jareau: Uhm... I'm sorry, have you ever met Penelope Garcia?

Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, the fact is, this is an experienced sniper who can account for timing. After the first shot, no one moves. People are puzzled. Everyone's reaction is to look for a source of the sound. After the second shot, it takes the average person one and a half seconds to cognitively process that they're in a potentially life-threatening situation. It takes another .7 seconds for a physical response to kick in. By which time the third shot has already been fired.
Jennifer Jareau: So the UnSub wanted victim number three.
Alex Blake: Well, anyone after number three had a chance of getting away, and the UnSub wouldn't have taken that risk.

Aaron Hotchner: We're looking for an LDSK, or a long-distance serial killer. He's a very skilled marksman with a god complex.
Derek Morgan: He derives pleasure out of remaining unseen and determining the fates of people from afar.
Jennifer Jareau: He's criminally sophisticated and methodical, concealing his method of ingress and egress, leaving little evidence behind in the sniper perches.
Alex Blake: This suggests a great deal of experience, so this unsub has a military or a law enforcement background, possibly even Special Forces.
Dr. Spencer Reid: His victims at first to be targets of opportunity, but it now appears that one or more of them are targets of choice. The remaining victims were collateral damage to be used as a forensic countermeasure; similar to what John Allen Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo did with the D.C. sniper case in 2002.
Derek Morgan: This means there's some unknown connection between one or more victims at the first and second crime scenes.
Agent Tanya Mays: What about the Caucasian male that an eyewitness saw at the plaza?
Derek Morgan: It's something to consider, but we can't rule out others. We know that the unsub is likely in his late thirties to forties, in order to have the means and patience to plan and execute these attacks.
Aaron Hotchner: If he still has specific targets, it's likely he won't wait long to attack, so the public needs to remain vigilant.

Dr. Spencer Reid: We have to hope Maya follows the rules. The shelter says the women are supposed to remain in hiding for at least two months. They're supposed to stay behind closed windows, closed doors. Volunteers bring supplies and food to them.
Agent Tanya Mays: Maya left her husband six weeks ago, so the killer's gotta wait another two weeks for her to come out. There's a good chance he'll give up. He can't wait forever.
Aaron Hotchner: Well, a sniper can wait up to seventy-two hours without sleeping.
Agent Tanya Mays: Seriously?
David Rossi: That's part of their training. They can stay awake for seventy-two hours and reamin completely focused on their target.
Agent Tanya Mays: How?
Aaron Hotchner: By using a mental exercise called fantasy integration. The sniper creates a scenario involving the target that keeps that person at the forefront of their mind.
Derek Morgan: Often, they'll imagine a place where they're with the target doing something together that takes time; for example, building a car.
Jennifer Jareau: For some, the fantasy begins the minute they're assigned a target, and nothing will distract them.
Agent Tanya Mays: So as long as she stays inside, she should be safe, right?
Alex Blake: The problem is staying cooped up for a couple months without a breath of fresh air is hard to do.
David Rossi: It's what the sniper's counting on, and she has no idea he's waiting for her.

Jennifer Jareau: A guy who works for a paramilitary company probably thinks he's invincible.
Derek Morgan: I don't know. He knew something about his wife. The way he smiled at me before he died, he was smug. It's like he was trying to say "You're not gonna find her in time."
Agent Tanya Mays: He'd rather die than let her live.
Derek Morgan: It's the classic psychology of the narcissistic abuser. You know, we may be looking at two unsubs.
Jennifer Jareau: He hired someone to kill her.


"Criminal Minds: The Inspiration (#9.1)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: [Uses mobile] Hey, Garcia
Penelope Garcia: I was starting to feel like the hottest people I know had left me at the altar, but now you're here, to kiss me with crime! What's up?

David Rossi: See no evil, hear no gossip
Jennifer Jareau: Oh, come on, we see evil all day long

Jennifer Jareau: We were this close to going to Ocean City and I get the text.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was in the middle of calculating force times distance times the coefficient of friction to determine how fast I can make a hairpin turn in a PRIUS.
Jennifer Jareau: You don't have a hybrid, Spence.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know, but if I did, I'd want to know.

Dr. Spencer Reid: The praying mantis can kill and eat a multitude of creatures but the most interesting fact is that oftentimes the female mantis engages in sexual cannibalism, meaning she'll bite off the head of her mate once copulation is complete, sometimes even during intercourse, actually.
Alex Blake: So, that's what someone did to our UnSub.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It also explains why he shoots his victims in the heart.
Jennifer Jareau: But the center of our UnSub's anger didn't bite off his head.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, but she hurt him so badly that she got into his brain.
Alex Blake: So, he's flipping the script.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's completely taking it over. He basically sees the victims as the praying mantis out to destroy him, so before they can get to him, he rapes them, forces them to engage in cannibalism, thereby taking away their control of the situation. He's essentially walking them through the mating behavior of a captive praying mantis, only entirely on his terms. He even mirrors the decapitation of the insect by forcing them to eat pieces of a human head, only it's not a male human head, it's a female human head.
Aaron Hotchner: The woman that's the core of his rage.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Exactly. Now all women are his enemy. They're his predators and he believes they're out to get him.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [finding something on a victim] Guys, look. She choked on something.
Jennifer Jareau: [Reid pulls a severed tongue out of the vic's mouth] Oh, jeez. Please tell me that's hers.

Aaron Hotchner: Yes, they did talk to me about the section chief job.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Do you want it?
Aaron Hotchner: I know what I don't want is an outsider coming in and questioning every move that this team makes. I told them that I'd think about it.
Jennifer Jareau: So what happens if you accept?
Aaron Hotchner: Means this would be my last case in the field, but nothing's been decided. As soon as I figure out what to do, you'll be the first to know.

Penelope Garcia: Two women, Sarah Beck and Jill Elks, were found in a park in Glendale, Arizona within the last three days. Both of them were single in their late twenties, and following their normal low-risk routines when they were abducted.
Alex Blake: Where we they taken from?
Penelope Garcia: Sarah was on her way to her theater group rehearsal, and Jill was abducted form her apartment. The unsub broke in through a window.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Well, clearly he's hunting a specific type.
Derek Morgan: He left the jewelry untouched.
Aaron Hotchner: Yeah, it's not about robbery.
Penelope Garcia: Both women were sexually assaulted and then they were shot in the heart and left in that... prayer position.
Jennifer Jareau: It's odd.
David Rossi: Maybe it's religious. Looks like they're leaning on a cross.
Derek Morgan: Their hands are titled forward.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He could have made them supplicate and their hands clenched in rigor mortis.
Jennifer Jareau: So they're possibly trying to atone for their sins.
Alex Blake: I doubt that. Both women have pretty clean backgrounds.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Since the posing was done postmortem, maybe it's representation of the way in which he made them beg for their lives.
David Rossi: We've definitely seen that before.
Aaron Hotchner: Hmm. He's getting off on the power. Let's head to Arizona. Wheels up in thirty.


"Criminal Minds: In the Blood (#9.6)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: Do you know the boyfriends whereabouts?
Penelope Garcia: He's in Alaska, so his alibi is a solid as a pre-globally warmed glacier!

Sgt. Joe Mahaffey: Told Dr. Reid he could use my office. Must be 30 books piled up on my desk
Jennifer Jareau: Well, that's either light bedtime reading or he is actually onto something

Jennifer Jareau: So, I looked it up. No witches were ever burned at the stake in Salem.
David Rossi: Really?
Jennifer Jareau: Death by fire was strictly a European thing.
David Rossi: Moral of the story, be selective where you practice your witchcraft.

[last lines]
David Rossi: Well, I guess this is proof positive that ancestry ain't all bad.
Penelope Garcia: How about a toast to the 30 or 40 of us?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Cheers!
Derek Morgan: Cheers!
Jennifer Jareau: Cheers!
David Rossi: Salute!

Aaron Hotchner: We're looking for a physically fit male from his late twenties to mid-thirties.He's brazen, confident, and organized.
Derek Morgan: This person may be a moral vigilante. Abby Stafford had drug issues, Gloria Carlyle moved in with her boyfriend, Parker Mills was a sexual deviant.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Moral vigilantism typically has its roots in repression and guilt. This generally manifests itself in low self-esteem and self-loathing. By punishing others, the unsub may also be punishing himself.
Aaron Hotchner: He's also literally branding his victims. We're not sure why, but he's likely marking them as his own.
Alex Blake: His organizational skills suggest someone who can get and keep a full-time job.
David Rossi: But the work is likely low-level. His impaired social development would not allow him to move very far in the professional world.
Jennifer Jareau: Consequently, this is someone most comfortable working in solitude, having minimal interaction with others.
Derek Morgan: And this makes it a challenge to determine how and where this person is choosing his victims.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The two female victims were reserved and studious; Parker Mills lived quietly in the margins of conventional society.
Jennifer Jareau: So the killer may frequent or work in locations that attracts this type of person. Uh, places of solitude, contemplation.
Alex Blake: Museums, gardens and parks, bookstores.
David Rossi: His choice of a city square, rather than a remote canyon, means he's gaining confidence.
Derek Morgan: But the recklessness of killing in such a public space suggests that this confidence may be stemming from a delusion.
Jennifer Jareau: He may believe he's in a place in time that makes him invulnerable.
Aaron Hotchner: And if his delusion is gaining in strength, then his next killing may be riskier and more dramatic. Thank you.

Jennifer Jareau: What's up, Spence?
Dr. Spencer Reid: There's something strange about this one branch of the family tree. Garcia?
Penelope Garcia: Talk to me. I am fluent in genius.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Roy and Becky Danary. They died in 1985, leaving behind a son named William Danary, but there's no record of what happened to him.
Penelope Garcia: The Danarys were Peace Corps workers in Ecuador. They died in a car accident there... and you're right, their kid just sort of vanished. Let me do some digging, and I will call you back.

Jennifer Jareau: We profiled the unsub as delusional. What if Stoughton being a great-great-great whatever is just part of his delusion?
Aaron Hotchner: Or the discovery of being a direct descendant triggered the delusion.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He'd look into his ancestry.
Sgt. Joe Mahaffey: That would be easy to do here. Salt Lake City has the largest family history library in the world.


"Criminal Minds: The Good Earth (#8.5)" (2012)
David Rossi: Childhood fears are resistant to adult logic. Sometimes you just have to wait it out.
Jennifer Jareau: For how long?
David Rossi: Well, if he's 23 and this still worries you, you got a problem.

Jennifer Jareau: Economics, philosophy, political theory. Not exactly breezy, take-to-the-beach reading.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I would, but I don't really like the beach.
Jennifer Jareau: Why is that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sandy food, pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, but mostly drug-resistant bacteria spread by sea gull feces.
Jennifer Jareau: Sorry, I asked.

David Rossi: [reads a message] That was Hotch. The doctor told him the placenta was scraped completely out of the victim's uterus. Every bit of it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, the placenta does carry special significance in many cultures. In ancient Egypt, it had its own hieroglyph. And the Ibo tribe in Nigeria considered it to be the child's dead twin.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, that would be helpful, if our UnSub was an ancient Egyptian or Ibo tribeswoman, but...

David Rossi: What is it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It could be placentophagy.
Jennifer Jareau: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Consuming it. In the wild, it's common for animals to eat their own afterbirth. It's super rich in nutrients.
David Rossi: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. So the UnSub might have harvested this last victim... for food?

Jennifer Jareau: Excuse me, everybody. I have an announcement to make. As I'm sure some of you were aware, Henry was a little nervous about going trick-or-treating this year. But he's decided to go anyway.
David Rossi: Great. What changed his mind?
Jennifer Jareau: The BAU did. I told him that he should go out on Halloween and try to figure out which monsters are real and which ones are not.
Derek Morgan: So he wants to be a profiler.
Jennifer Jareau: Ah, he wants to be his favorite profiler.
[Henry appears in Reid-like wear]

Penelope Garcia: What do you mean he's not going? Every kid loves trick-or-treat
Jennifer Jareau: Henry's scared! One of his little buddies told him Halloween was the only time when all the real monsters come out, because they can blend in
David Rossi: Never thought about that! Good monster strategy
Penelope Garcia: Hum, you did tell him it wasn't true, right?
Jennifer Jareau: Of course I did, but he's convinced
David Rossi: Childhood fears are resistant to adult logic. Sometimes you just have to wait it out
Jennifer Jareau: For how long?
David Rossi: Well, if he's 23 and this still worries you, you got a problem!

David Rossi: So, did you learn anything?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, Spence here does not like the beach
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't


"Criminal Minds: The Storm (#11.22)" (2016)
Jennifer Jareau: [bringing Jack and Henry to the BAU after Hotch's arrest] It's bad.
Dr. Tara Lewis: How much did they see?
Jennifer Jareau: All of it. Which is why I figured this is the safest place to bring them.

Dr. Spencer Reid: With these three press conferences, we can prove to the Inspector General's office that Hotch's 911 call was spliced together.
David Rossi: That's a good start, but they're not gonna listen to anything we have to say until we give them a viable suspect.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, especially with explosives in play. They planted enough on Hotch to make it look like he was ready to blow up a city block.
David Rossi: Okay, back to basics. Someone's framing Hotch. Who'd want to?
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's put away a lot of people. We've seen the lengths that Chazz Montolo went to against Morgan for revenge. We shouldn't underestimate anything.

Jennifer Jareau: If you really wanted the BAU to suffer, you wouldn't have warned us. You'd only warn us if there was something in it for you.
Antonia Slade: Oh, you really are smart.
Jennifer Jareau: So it got me thinking. You're in here for life; what could you possibly gain?
[opening a folder]
Jennifer Jareau: Your son was born when you were only fourteen. Which would make him... forty-three now. Your family was ashamed, so he was raised away from you. But you never lost touch with him.
Antonia Slade: Have you always lived on the sappy side, or did that come out when you became a mother?
Jennifer Jareau: The only reason you warned Agent Hotchner about this storm is because your son has something to do with it. And now you need our help.
Antonia Slade: Not as much as you need mind.
Jennifer Jareau: Your son framed a federal agent and manipulated Special Weapons and Tactics operatives to do it. So here's the thing about SWAT: they don't like being manipulated. So now your son is on a "shoot first, ask questions later" list.
Antonia Slade: I want him taken into custody, alive.
Jennifer Jareau: Of course you do. What mother wouldn't? Truth is, I can't really promise you what will happen if he gets caught.
Antonia Slade: You won't let him get killed. I know you. You took an oath; you're too goody two shoes to break it.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, yesterday... yesterday, I wouldn't have. But that was before your son had armed men point guns in the same room as my son.

Dr. Spencer Reid: We're looking at a case of counterfeit deviance. If Asher is autistic, he has trouble reading social clues.
Dr. Tara Lewis: Yeah, but in this case, we're dealing with somebody high-functioning.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What used to be labeled Asperger syndrome.
Dr. Tara Lewis: And that's where the counterfeit deviance comes in.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Documented examples include high-functioning autistics who collect child porn to pretend to plan a school shooting. They know that there's power in those images and those actions, but for them, there's no paraphilia behind it. They don't derive pleasure from it. What I don't see is someone who's interested in explosives. We need to rule out...
Jennifer Jareau: That someone's pulling his strings just like he's been pulling ours.

Jennifer Jareau: [watching Jack and Henry with Reid] I had a hard time putting both boys down last night.
Aaron Hotchner: They couldn't sleep?
Jennifer Jareau: Other way around. I didn't want to leave them. How are things on your end?
Aaron Hotchner: You know, fortunately, Jack doesn't remember a lot about Haley's death. He knows the story, but he was young.
Jennifer Jareau: That's a good thing.
Aaron Hotchner: That's a very good thing. But he's not gonna forget seeing me at gunpoint. I just don't want this job to take anything else away from him.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, maybe it gives him something, too. You're his hero. Not a pretend hero, a real hero.
Aaron Hotchner: Well, he's growing up. He's not gonna feel that way for too much longer.
Jennifer Jareau: Nah, you can worry about that later. Just be his dad. Enjoy that.

[last lines]
Dr. Tara Lewis: What is it now?
Aaron Hotchner: Three more prison breaks in three different states, all organized by Rawdon's partners from his last bombing attempt.
Penelope Garcia: The local field office got a head start because of what we did. They stopped the bomb threat, but...
David Rossi: Who didn't they catch?
Aaron Hotchner: All have serial killer wings just like VA Max.
Dr. Tara Lewis: Let me guess; they were released first to cause maximum chaos and occupy law enforcement.
Penelope Garcia: A lot of them were killed or recaptured, but not all of them.
Jennifer Jareau: How many got away?
Penelope Garcia: As of right now, thirteen serial killers, one of which is Peter Lewis.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Mr. Scratch. That's why he testified against you. He was part of their plan all along.
Aaron Hotchner: So we have to catch him again, along with twelve other murderers.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [after hearing the 911 call recording] It's subtle but it inflections changes. It sounds like the words are spliced together
Jennifer Jareau: Let's look up all BAU press conferences led by Hotch
Penelope Garcia: Right, maybe this unsub Frankensteined his voice


"Criminal Minds: Nanny Dearest (#8.21)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: Hey, let's keep the water in the tub, okay? Five more minutes and then Mommy's gotta get ready for work.
Henry LaMontagne: Why did you always go to work, Mommy?
Jennifer Jareau: Well, um, because there's people out there that need my help. But I will be back soon.

Tara Rios: So, what makes you think that it's gonna work this time?
Jennifer Jareau: Well, we're gonna try something new. It's a psychotherapy called EMDR.
Derek Morgan: It stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It's very effective with PTSD and memories that have been buried especially deep.
Tara Rios: What if I can't? What if there's really nothing in there?
Jennifer Jareau: There's evidence that suggests we process intellectual material in a different part of the brain than emotional material. EMDR helps link the two.
[pause]
Jennifer Jareau: Tara, we will be with you the whole time.

Jennifer Jareau: We got him. He's dead. And we saved Phoebe and Gina, too. You did it.
[finds Tara snapping repeatedly at a hair tie around her wrist]
Jennifer Jareau: [holds Tara's wrist] It's over.
Tara Rios: I want to see his body.

Jennifer Jareau: [closing, voiceover] "Alone. All alone. Nobody but nobody can make it out here alone." - Maya Angelou

Derek Morgan: Hey Tara. It's been a long time
Tara Rios: What are you guys doing here?
Derek Morgan: We need to talk to you
Tara Rios: Well, you could have called me first
Jennifer Jareau: We did! You never called us back

Jennifer Jareau: How you're doing? You need anything?
Tara Rios: How... how could that stuff... be hidden in my head all these years? I feel like I'm going crazy
Jennifer Jareau: No, you're not! It's... it's just your brain's way of protecting you


"Criminal Minds: 200 (#9.14)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: [closing quote] Nietzsche said: "When you look long into an abyss, the abyss looks into you"

Section Chief Mateo Cruz: Hastings, do you have a minute?
Jennifer Jareau: [sees the body] Was this man tortured to death?
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: This man is Al-Qaeda operative Savin Mubari. He was one of Bin Laden's couriers, and, yes, he was.
Michael Hastings: Didn't anyone tell you to get changed?
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: Hastings, why don't you say hello to SSA Jennifer Jareau from the BAU? She'll be handling female interrogations.
Michael Hastings: We don't need a profile if we know we're looking for Bin Laden.
Jennifer Jareau: I'm not a profiler. I was the Communications Liaison.
Michael Hastings: Hell, then why is she even here?
Erin Strauss: Stand down. Jareau is a proven mediator.
Michael Hastings: Don't get comfortable. This place changes people. Can't imagine what it'll do to someone like you.

Jennifer Jareau: No, no, no, what are you doing?
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: It's okay.
Jennifer Jareau: You son of a bitch!
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: It's okay.

Jennifer Jareau: You can threaten to kill me. Matt won't give you what you want.
Tivon Askari: She's right.
Michael Hastings: Don't I know it... But I also know you, Matt. And what line you won't let me cross. Jareau is your Achilles Heel. And I don't blame you. She is an attractive woman.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: Don't touch her, you sick son of a bitch!
Michael Hastings: No more games. I want Integrity. She's the price.
Jennifer Jareau: No, no.
Michael Hastings: Maybe... I can make you one. Another one.

Michael Hastings: Take your time, Matt. I've been thinking about this for years.
Jennifer Jareau: Matt, don't. I'm fine... I'm fine... I'm fine.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: Okay, okay, that's it. Just stop! I'll do it. Just stop.
[types his code]

[last lines]
Aaron Hotchner: Emily, how much longer do we have you?
Emily Prentiss: Um, six hours.
Penelope Garcia: It's too soon.
David Rossi: It's more than we had yesterday.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah.
Alex Blake: I'm just glad I finally got to meet you. I've heard such amazing things.
Emily Prentiss: All lies.
Jennifer Jareau: No. No more lies. Nothing but the truth from now on.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Yeah?


"Criminal Minds: Risky Business (#5.13)" (2010)
Jennifer Jareau: [opening, voiceover] Life is a game, play it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. -Mother Teresa

Jennifer Jareau: [closing, voiceover] Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. -C. S. Lewis

Jennifer Jareau: I'm not sure what we have here, but I just got a call and some case files from a Sheriff Samuels in Uinta County, Wyoming. Six nights ago, two different teens were found hanging in their bedrooms.
Aaron Hotchner: Hanging?
Jennifer Jareau: Trish Leake was dead when she was found. Ryan Krouse was revived on scene, but then died a few days later in the hospital.
[Hotch glances at the files and looks at JJ skeptically]
Jennifer Jareau: I know we don't handle suicides. But the previous Friday, two more boys a few towns over were found hanging on the backs of their doors.
Aaron Hotchner: Four successful suicides in the same rural county in a week? That's, uh, way above the national average.
Jennifer Jareau: I know. These kids don't fit the pattern. No drug or alcohol abuse, no antidepressants, no prior arrests. These are just plain good kids who decided to hang themselves at approximately the same time on a Friday night. When someone feels trapped in what feels like a hopeless situation, pulling the trigger or swallowing pills or hanging yourself seems like the only way out. None of that seems to exist here. Something's really wrong. Hotch, I can feel it.

Aaron Hotchner: We believe the unsub responsible for these deaths may be a teenager.
Emily Prentiss: He's a loner. He doesn't participate in team sports or group activities. He's withdrawn, very low self-esteem.
Dr. Spencer Reid: His only form of pure interaction is online. He engages in activity that draws attention to himself yet isolates himself from his peers.
Jennifer Jareau: [presenting the profile to a group of adults] Parents and teachers should watch out for the warning signs: kids with bloodshot eyes, marks on their necks, severe headaches, disorientation.
David Rossi: In real life, he considers himself a loser. In cyberspace, he can pull strings. Makes him feel powerful.
Deputy #1: Does this kid know that other kids are dying because of him?
Derek Morgan: He's choking himself and daring others to do it, so we're most likely looking at reckless homicides here.
Jennifer Jareau: If you see anything that's unusual or suspicious, just call the sheriff's department and we will try to direct you as best we can. All right, thank you.
[the crowd breaks up]
Jennifer Jareau: Well, we told as many parents as we could.
Sheriff Samuels: Do you think it helped?
Jennifer Jareau: Not as much as getting through to the kids will.

Aaron Hotchner: I just wanted to say thank you. If you hadn't have pushed it, we would never have gone.
Jennifer Jareau: [fingers her necklace] My sister gave this to me when I was... 11? She just came into my bedroom and told me that no matter what happened, she loved me.
[pauses]
Jennifer Jareau: This was her favorite necklace, so I told her I couldn't have it, but she insisted. I, of course, was secretly very happy, because I always wanted one just like hers.
[pauses and fingers with necklace]
Jennifer Jareau: That's the last time I... ever...
Aaron Hotchner: I'm sorry.
Jennifer Jareau: I think about her everyday. It does get better, Hotch. Losing someone is never easy... but one day, you'll remember her and you won't hurt.
[pauses]
Jennifer Jareau: You'll be happy.
Aaron Hotchner: Thank you. Thank you for everything.

Dr. Spencer Reid: The first few days leading up to a teenager's suicide are usually very telling. Their behavior is transparent. There's multitude of indicators
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, but the most common don't exists here. There's no prior attempts, no period or deep depression, no withdrawal from family member, no spontaneous proclamations of love
Emily Prentiss: Spontaneous proclamations of love?
Jennifer Jareau: [Hesitates] Sometimes a suicidal person, in the days leading up to the act, will just blur out "I love you" to family. Sort of like a good bye


"Criminal Minds: Magnum Opus (#8.13)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: Thought I'd check on Spence on my way into work.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, me too.
Jennifer Jareau: Are these all from you?
Penelope Garcia: Maybe.
Jennifer Jareau: What's in that one?
Penelope Garcia: Mixed nuts and seeds. I'm trying to think of something that will help him feel better. So I went Reid-like and I did a bunch of research and it turns out that nuts and seeds have naturally occurring magnesium, and magnesium influences the production of serotonin, which is the happy-happy-joy-joy chemical in your brain. I don't know.

Jennifer Jareau: [opening, voiceover] "My blood alone remains. Take it. But do not make me suffer long." - Marie Antoinette

Alex Blake: He removed the white blood cells. Plasma.
David Rossi: Why would he take the plasma?
Aaron Hotchner: It would make it thicker. Easier to use as a paint.
Derek Morgan: What type of equipment would it take to do that?
Alex Blake: You can easily buy a centrifuge online these days for a couple hundred bucks.
Aaron Hotchner: What other reasons would he have for separating the plasma from the blood?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's a habit.
Aaron Hotchner: Reid.
Jennifer Jareau: Spence.
Aaron Hotchner: I didn't expect you back this soon. You sure you're ready?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, but I think I figured something out.

Jennifer Jareau: [Outside Reid's apartment] Spence? Listen, if you're in there, we just want to know if you're all right.
Penelope Garcia: Knock twice if you're conscious.
[They hear two knocks]
Penelope Garcia: Is he ever gonna be okay?
Jennifer Jareau: Eventually.
[Louder voice]
Jennifer Jareau: And he knows we're always here for him, no matter what!
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, what she said!

Penelope Garcia: Ladies and gents, the Golden State awaits. Meet who is formerly Gary Porter. He was found dead outside a San Francisco nightclub last night, and Pamela Hurd, she was found near a cable car stop in San Francisco's Mission district.
Jennifer Jareau: They were both found wrapped in clear plastic.
Derek Morgan: Says here they were dead only a few hours before they were found. And that's not long enough for the elements to have made them that pale.
Penelope Garcia: Because that's where we enter the town of Weirdville on the corner of eww and icky icky. Both victims were almost completely drained of their blood. Less than a pint left.
Alex Blake: He's exsanguinating them.
Aaron Hotchner: While they were still alive.
Derek Morgan: Well it might be utilitarian. He needs them alive so they can pump out the blood themselves.
David Rossi: Draining a body like that is extremely hard to do. Once the heart stops pumping, it's difficult to continue to extract the blood.
Alex Blake: So the question is how is he doing it?
Penelope Garcia: Oh, I wish you wouldn't ask that, 'cause now I've gotta show this picture.
Aaron Hotchner: There are large bore holes in the femoral artery of each victim.
Jennifer Jareau: Our unsub could have medical knowledge.
Aaron Hotchner: It's possible. We'll know more when we get there. Wheels up in thirty.

Aaron Hotchner: We believe that this unsub is a white male in his 20s or 30s, and he thinks of himself as a painter or an artist.
Alex Blake: The placement of the victims tells us a lot about who he is.
Jennifer Jareau: Pamela Hurd was found near a painting done by a little-known San Francisco artist, Henry Floyd.
Derek Morgan: Gary Porter was posed near a piece of graffiti art by a street artist named Cypher, who is currently wanted by the police.
Aaron Hotchner: And the third victim, Lynn Stevens, was found near a mural painted by inner-city youths.
Alex Blake: Finally, Amy Fortner was placed near the statue of St. Luke, patron saint of the artist.
Jennifer Jareau: This is a compulsion; it's not accidental. He is obsessed with art.
David Rossi: All of the works of art are neglected, ignored, cast aside. It's how he feels about himself.
Aaron Hotchner: We believe it's also the reason that he's evolved into removing the victims' eyelids. He's forcing them to see what he sees.
Jennifer Jareau: There's no sexual component with these murders, but that's because the blood and the use of the blood is his sexual release.
Det. Lennon Miles: So, wait. What... what is he doing with the blood?
Aaron Hotchner: Because he's so obsessed with art, we believe he's painting with it.
David Rossi: He has a quick kill pace. More blood means more paint. The more paintings he does, the greater the chance someone will recognize his work.
Aaron Hotchner: We think that because of his need for acceptance, he may be trying to sell the paintings, so focus your canvassing on places that might sell this kind of fringe art.


"Criminal Minds: Penelope (#3.9)" (2007)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: You do what it takes to protect your family

Trauma Surgeon: The bullet went in her chest and ricocheted into her abdomen. She lost a lot of blood. It was touch and go for a while, but we were able to repair the injuries.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: So, what are you saying?
Trauma Surgeon: One centimeter over and it would have torn right through her heart. Instead, she could actually walk out of here in a couple of days. And I'd say that's a minor miracle.

[last lines]
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: I think someone's watching you.
Penelope Garcia: Do you believe everything happens for reason?
[walks to Kevin]
Penelope Garcia: You.
Kevin Lynch: You.
Penelope Garcia: You're good.
Kevin Lynch: You're better.
[pause]
Kevin Lynch: Kevin Lynch.
Penelope Garcia: Penelope.

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: What? Are you trying to make me look bad about staying here later than me?
Aaron Hotchner: JJ...

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: What's Hotch doing?
David Rossi: My guess is, wishing anybody else was the leader of this team.


"Criminal Minds: Revelations (#2.15)" (2007)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: We think Tobias Hankel may have murdered his father.
Mickey Bates: Good for him!

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's funny, I keep thinking, the one thing we need to crack this case is, uh... well... Reid.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [to Garcia as she joins the rest of the team in trying to find Reid] Welcome to our nightmare.

Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Everybody, right now, what's my worst quality?
[nobody answers]
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Okay, I'll start. I have no sense of humor.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You're a bully.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: I'm a bully.
Derek Morgan: You can be a drill sergeant sometimes.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Right.
Emily Prentiss: You don't trust women as much as men.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Okay, good. I'm all of these things. But none of you said that I ever put myself above the team, because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. And he also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: "I am a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead out of my sight."
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: He wouldn't get it wrong unless it was on purpose.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Emily
Emily Prentiss: Yeah?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: How come none of this gets you?
Emily Prentiss: What do you mean?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You came off a desk job, now suddenly you're in a field, surrounded by mutilated bodies and you don't even flinch
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: She's right. You've never blinked
Emily Prentiss: I... guess... maybe... I can compartmentalize better than most people


"Criminal Minds: In Name and Blood (#3.2)" (2007)
Derek Morgan: Derek Morgan. Spencer Reid, Jennifer Jareau, and Section Chief Strauss.
Det. Vic Wolynski: Vic Wolynski, Milwaukee P.D.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You worked on Jeffrey Dahmer case?
Det. Vic Wolynski: Sixteen years ago. I worked and studied it. You remember my name?
Jennifer Jareau: He remembers everything.
Derek Morgan: It's what he does.

Erin Strauss: This is your fifth victim, right?
Det. Vic Wolynski: Yes.
Erin Strauss: You should've called soon.
Det. Vic Wolynski: I thought we had a handle on.
Erin Strauss: Apparently, not.
Jennifer Jareau: Ma'am.
[to Det. Wolynski]
Jennifer Jareau: Excuse me, sir.
Jennifer Jareau: [to Strauss] We need to work with... these detectives.
Erin Strauss: I'm sorry?
Jennifer Jareau: We don't generally criticize them, it just really doesn't get us anything.
Erin Strauss: Are you saying it wouldn't be helpful if they contact us sooner?
Jennifer Jareau: Of course, it's always, you know, the sooner the better.
Erin Strauss: Right... And Agent Jareau, don't question me again.

Derek Morgan: What? No Hotch, now no Gideon?
Jennifer Jareau: No, not yet
Derek Morgan: These guys have been out two weeks! You'd think at least they can do is be on time!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah! 'Cause you're never late!
Derek Morgan: So, where is Prentiss?
Jennifer Jareau: Her phone keeps going straight to voicemail
Derek Morgan: Well, this team gets smaller and smaller, doesn't it?

Jennifer Jareau: You know, from this angle she almost looks human!

Emily Prentiss: How fast can you get us up to speed?
Jennifer Jareau: How fast can you sit down?


"Criminal Minds: Damaged (#3.14)" (2008)
David Rossi: I was here on a serial rapist in '88. It was pretty short work. The guy wasn't gonna win any IQ contests. The day after we, uh, collared him, a local detective was driving me to the airport, and, um, he hears a call on his walkie of kids screaming in a house not far from where we were. He asks if I mind taking the job in with him. We were first on the scene. Inside we found...
Derek Morgan: [placing the case file on the table] Found this.
David Rossi: The ax had been left behind, but it had been wiped clean. It turns out it belonged to the family. The, uh, oldest daughter, Connie, told me her father bought it on Christmas Eve a few months earlier, to cut down the Christmas tree. Now I, uh, always associate the whole thing with Christmas. Never been able to put a tree up myself again.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So he... he never hurt the kids at all?
David Rossi: Not physically.
Derek Morgan: But he would have known that the kids were in the house.
David Rossi: He only hurt the parents and then left.
Emily Prentiss: Okay, so using a weapon he found at the scene and not eliminating all of the potential witnesses, that makes him disorganized.
Derek Morgan: But he left no evidence, which suggests he's organized.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: There was a fingerprint.
David Rossi: But it was behind the bedroom door. I don't even think he knew it was there. There should have been prints in other places, but they were wiped clean. An open back door, a... a drinking glass left in the kitchen. And that one good print... was not a match anywhere. I've been over this a million times. I... I keep thinking if there was just one more piece, one more thing to go on. The answer was right in front of me.
Emily Prentiss: He might be dead.
David Rossi: I have to be sure.
Derek Morgan: Rossi, if he's dead, you may never really know.
David Rossi: When we arrived on the scene... before any of the other units got there, I could hear them... before I even got out of the car. It was a warm morning and the, um, the windows were open in the upstairs bedroom. And their voices... floated out into the street. They were crying and calling for their mommy and daddy. Three terrified children screaming for their murdered parents. I've seen so much death and pain, but that sound... it's been twenty years and I can still hear them screaming every night... crying. If I can't tell them for sure that whoever's responsible will never do it again... that screaming might never stop.

Penelope Garcia: [Rushes into JJ's office] I might be in big trouble
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Come on in
[keeps on reading her papers]
Penelope Garcia: I can't believe he showed up at my apartment
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's not like I am doing anything in here
Penelope Garcia: We just had a seminar on fraternization last week, but
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I really have a lot of work to do, Garcia
Penelope Garcia: So you don't want to hear how agent Rossi showed up at my door in the middle of the night while I was enjoying post-coital shower with fellow FBI technical analyst Kevin Lynch?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [closes file, turns chair] Sit. So you were in the shower with Kevin Lynch?
Penelope Garcia: Come on JJ, I am being serious I need your help
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: With what?
Penelope Garcia: Agent Rossi! We're not supposed to date fellow bureau employees
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: From what I hear, Rossi is the reason most of these fraternization rules even exist, okay? He's not going tell anyone. Just relax. Wait, what was Rossi doing in your apartment?
Penelope Garcia: That's a good... I am not supposed to tell anyone
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Why?
Penelope Garcia: I didn't press the issue. I was all naked and all drippy
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Doesn't showering with someone always seem like a better idea before you're actually doing it?
Penelope Garcia: [laughs] Yes, it's a bit of a workout
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: And there comes a point where a girl just got to wash her hair alone, you know

Derek Morgan: I can't believe people actually pay good money to play these fixed games
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Men
Derek Morgan: Excuse me?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's not people, it's men
Derek Morgan: Is that a fact?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Only a man would waste $50 trying to win back that $3 stuffed animal

Kevin Lynch: Agent Rossi? We need to talk, about Penelope, man to man
David Rossi: Man to man
[both walk away]
Derek Morgan: What about Penelope?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [singing] She and Kevin sitting in a tree...
[turns around and walks away]
Derek Morgan: Get out of here! Are you serious?
[joins JJ]
Emily Prentiss: Just when I thought nothing scandalous was every gonna happen around here
Dr. Spencer Reid: What? What does that mean?
Emily Prentiss: Didn't you hear JJ?
Dr. Spencer Reid: That song meant something? No! No I missed it
Emily Prentiss: It... it... You know what, never mind
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looks around bewildered] What?

David Rossi: This isn't even a BAU case
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Maybe not yet, but I can make anything a BAU case, if I want to. It's about paperwork and I know the paperwork


"Criminal Minds: The Longest Night (#6.1)" (2010)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [voiceover] A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another, the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But, if these minds get out of harmony with one another, it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden. -The Buddha

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'm not a hostage negotiator.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: I'm sorry. You are today.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Billy? Billy Flynn? Mr. Flynn, I don't know for sure if you can hear me. My name is Jennifer Jareau. I... I work for the FBI as a Communications Liaison for the... the Behavioral... uh... okay Mr. Flynn, I... I want to talk you about letting Ellie Spicer go. I mean, I want to ask you to. See uh, I'm not a hostage negotiator. I've never done anything like this at all ever... but um... sometimes circumstances its... Look. You can tell, I'm not a hostage negotiator, but I am a mother. I know what your mother did to you when you were little, what she was, what she made you watch, what she let men do to you and it makes me so... it's just not fair. And no one can make that better, I wish I could, I do, but if I could somehow go back there, you know, and make what was happening to you stop, I could just pick you up and just tell you it'll all be okay. That's what moms are supposed to do. They're not supposed to be the cause of your pain, they're supposed to make it go away. They're supposed to hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright. They're supposed to tell you that thunder is angels bowling. And that it's okay to be afraid of the dark, and it isn't silly to think there might be monsters in your closet. And that it's okay if you want to climb into bed with them just this once because it's scary in the room all alone... They're supposed to say it's okay to be afraid, and not be the thing you're afraid of. But most importantly, they're supposed to love you no matter what. What happened to you it isn't fair, it isn't right. I'm supposed to empathize with you... sympathize... understand... but I can't. That... that would be a lie. The truth is I don't understand what you've done, I don't sympathize with you killing people all these years, and I especially don't understand you taking Ellie. What I can do is tell you what a mother should tell you, that you can't take away your pain by hurting someone else, that it doesn't make all the nights you had to hide scared and alone any better if you scare someone the way you're scaring Ellie. What happened to you... it isn't fair, but what you're doing to her isn't fair either. And if anyone should understand what that feels like it's you. You have the power, you can do what you want to do, but for once you can chose to use that power to do for Ellie what should have been done for you. You can chose letting her go. You can chose teaching her that, yes, there are monsters, and it's okay to be afraid of them. But it's not okay to let them win, and it's not okay to be one.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: How many cops are there in L.A.?
Dr. Spencer Reid: City or County?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You actually know the answer?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I know both answers.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yes. Yes, I'm still here. Yep, I'm always gonna be here. Okay. My name is Jennifer... No. You know what? I'm not going to explain this entire thing again to another mid-level bureaucrat who can't give me a sufficient answer. Put someone on the phone who can authorize what I need.


"Criminal Minds: Heathridge Manor (#7.19)" (2012)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Guys, I think these numbers are dates. If you reverse them and chop off the 11 at the beginning and end...
Aaron Hotchner: That's two days after each woman went missing.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's more than that, though. Look. March 1st is Saint Eichatadt day. March 21st is the spring equinox, and the 24th is the Feast of the Beast. All important holidays in the Satanic calendar for sacrifices.
Derek Morgan: What about the 11 on the end?
Dr. Spencer Reid: To many occultists 11 is symbolic of Lucifer.
Jennifer Jareau: Okay, I thought we were moving away from Satanic killings.
Aaron Hotchner: Apparently we need to reconsider.
Dr. Spencer Reid: There's gotta be some sort of connection to the Devil here.
Aaron Hotchner: Reid, what other upcoming dates are significant to Satanists?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Good Friday, then Easter eve. Then preparations begin in mid-April for the most important holiday of all, Walpurgis Night on April 30th.

Dr. Spencer Reid: There's something else that's been bothering me. Why is he putting white face makeup on his victims after they're dead?
David Rossi: Isn't that what they wore in the Elizabethan era?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes, but only upper-class women wore white face makeup. It was a symbol of virginity and purity. But he's dressing them like characters out of *The Merry Wives of Windsor*, which is one of Shakespeare's rare plays about the middle class.
Jennifer Jareau: So, it's inconsistent.
Aaron Hotchner: The makeup could mean that he believes death is purifying them.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What if this is like the Salem witch trials, where they test the girls by trying to drown them? If they died, it meant they were obviously innocent. If they somehow survived, they were considered witches and therefore hanged.
David Rossi: Wonderful. A lose-lose situation.
Jennifer Jareau: The UnSub didn't submerge the victims in water to torture them. It was some sort of a test?
Dr. Spencer Reid: With death being the only possible outcome.

Emily Prentiss: According to the intake report, Catherine was an aspiring actress who went off her psychiatric medications when she was pregnant with her daughter. She had a minor part in *The Merry Wives of Windsor* 16 years ago when she became floridly psychotic. She was convinced the other actresses were the Devil's wives, so she stabbed one of them.
Detective Gassner: Is that when she was admitted here?
Emily Prentiss: No, not yet. It seems she had a son and a daughter. After fleeing the theater, she chopped off the left arm of her infant daughter.
Jennifer Jareau: Why would she do that?
Emily Prentiss: To make the child less appealing to the Devil. She believed that killing the Devil's wives was her mission on Earth, which is what our UnSub is doing now.

Jennifer Jareau: Where is she now?
Penelope Garcia: Oh, I was hoping you would ask, because I have the answer!

Jennifer Jareau: Damn!
Derek Morgan: It looks like we just found our first victim!


"Criminal Minds: Divining Rod (#7.21)" (2012)
Derek Morgan: What do we got, baby girl?
Penelope Garcia: Thank you, sir. We have a killing in Enid, Oklahoma. And not... the capital punishment one you are thinking of right now. I'm talking about a woman named Cara Smith, who was murdered in her apartment minutes after the execution of Rodney Garrett.
Aaron Hotchner: A neighbor saw her front door open and discovered the body.
David Rossi: Look familiar?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Young, pretty, short blonde hair.
David Rossi: And stabbed directly through the heart.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's exactly the way Garrett killed his victims.
Derek Morgan: So are we looking at a copycat?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Or someone creating doubt the right person was executed.
David Rossi: In Garrett's case, there was no doubt. His guilt was the slam dunk of all slam dunks. Prints, DNA, a confession.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He even led police to where he buried two of his victims.
Emily Prentiss: Garrett killed twenty-five women before he was caught. If this new unsub is a copycat, body count's just started.

Emily Prentiss: Hotch, I think I found her.
Aaron Hotchner: You're on speaker, Prentiss.
Emily Prentiss: The unsub must have circled back. He dumped her just outside the perimeter of the abduction site.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Same M.O.?
Emily Prentiss: No, she's got stab wounds all over her torso. It's bad. And Hotch, this time he removed her scalp.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Overkill. He must be enraged he wasn't able to carry the murder out as planned.
David Rossi: So now we might have another problem. If our unsub's blueprint is out the window, this may transition him into a spree killer.

Emily Prentiss: [Prentiss has bid on a house for sale] I can't believe I'm doing it. I mean, it's probably not gonna work out anyway, right? There are five other sealed bids, and I offered way below what the owners are asking.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Uh huh. Sounds to me like someone's hoping they don't get it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Orthophobia: fear of owning personal property.
Emily Prentiss: No, I don't have a fear of owning stuff. Turn me loose in a shoe store, I'll prove that. My fear is personal property that weighs three hundred tons.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, depending on materials used, square footage, and horizontal versus vertical construction, the average house only weighs about sixty tons.
Emily Prentiss: [sarcastically] Well, thanks for that, Reid. I feel light as a bird already.

Emily Prentiss: There was definitely something a little strange about her.
Aaron Hotchner: It's curious, one woman at the center of two serial killers.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah, what are the odds of that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Astronomical. Removing from the calculations serial killer groupies...
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Sorry I asked.
Derek Morgan: You know, whether she knew it or not, maybe Helen Garrett did give Dylan something. I mean, someone once said that every seed, even malignant ones, they won't grow unless they get water from someplace.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Investigation the latest victim] Hey Spence, look at this
Dr. Spencer Reid: What is it?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I mean, this... this girl obviously cares about her appearance, I mean, she's fit and her nails are perfectly done, but look at her hair! It's uneven
Dr. Spencer Reid: Could it maybe be a fashion statement? You know: bad on purpose?


"Criminal Minds: Foundation (#7.18)" (2012)
Derek Morgan: What did he do? You can tell me.
Angel Suarez: He used to... He used to bite me. He hasn't for a while. But he did... He did other things.
Jennifer Jareau: Will you let the doctor take a look? Maybe we can match dental records.
Angel Suarez: Okay.

Jennifer Jareau: Do you always keep one with you?
Derek Morgan: Yeah. But the one I gave Angel was the only one that had wings on it.
Jennifer Jareau: You know, Angel's never gonna let that go. What you shared, I know that wasn't easy.
Derek Morgan: None of this is easy.
Jennifer Jareau: I can't help but picture little Morgan. You were so alone.
Derek Morgan: I'm here right now because of what that man did to me.
Jennifer Jareau: I know. I'm just... sorry.

Penelope Garcia: This boy was found two hours ago in the middle of nowhere. Technically, he was found outside of Crawford, Arizona; my point is he has clearly been to super hell and escaped some sort of captivity.
Derek Morgan: Well, how do we know he wasn't just dropped off there?
Penelope Garcia: Well, he has fresh cuts on the bottom of his feet from the local cactus fields, and that's way from any through roads, and his skin is rubbed raw around his ankles from chains.
Derek Morgan: He must have had a chance to escape and he took it.
Emily Prentiss: Or the unsub could have had him in transit.
Penelope Garcia: My god, you guys, look at his eyes.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, he's jaundice. Probably hasn't seen daylight in a while.
Derek Morgan: Yeah, and there's a lot of scars here.
David Rossi: Those are the ones we can see.

[Morgan and JJ enter Angel's hospital room to find the lights off and Angel cowering under a table]
Derek Morgan: Hey. My name's Derek. I'm one of the good guys. And this is my friend.
Jennifer Jareau: I'm Jennifer. You're safe now.
Derek Morgan: Doctor says you haven't been eating much. Food looks pretty good.
Jennifer Jareau: You must be thirsty. Here you go.
[JJ offers Angel a water bottle and he slaps it away]
Jennifer Jareau: [trying to placate him] Okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Derek Morgan: JJ, this is years of conditioning. Have Garcia go back to 2000 for missing kids.

Derek Morgan: You can't examine his scars?
Dr. Larson: Can't get close enough. He has the most severe case of CER I've ever seen. Conditioned emotional response. I've only seen it in vets.
Jennifer Jareau: That's worse than PTSD.
Dr. Larson: He had an adrenaline rush when he escaped, but coming down from that will be just as extreme.
Derek Morgan: And I'm sure he's sensitive to light and sound.
Dr. Larson: Incredibly. We're keeping it as quiet and dark as possible.
Jennifer Jareau: That's probably what he's used to.
Dr. Larson: He's also been somewhere cramped. His legs show signs of advanced arthritis.
Jennifer Jareau: Any idea how old he is?
Dr. Larson: It's hard to tell. His growth has been stunted, he's got major tooth and skin decay. Clearly from a massive vitamin D deficiency.
Jennifer Jareau: Best guess?
Dr. Larson: Maybe sixteen.


"Criminal Minds: Jones (#2.18)" (2007)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You are the best ever.
Penelope Garcia: Oh, and you are the most perceptive.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You always drink while you're still on the clock?
William LaMontagne Jr.: This is New Orleans, honey. It's a cultural thing.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You gotta admit, these guys are making it pretty easy. I wouldn't follow a stranger into an alley no matter how wasted I was.
William LaMontagne Jr.: Yeah, but you're not a man. Testosterone will follow a woman to Thailand. Barefoot. It's just a fact.

William LaMontagne Jr.: Why aren't you married?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [giggles] Ah that involves the case how exactly?
William LaMontagne Jr.: It doesn't, I'm just flirting! It's unprofessional; you don't have to answer that

William LaMontagne Jr.: Now you're leaving! Now how will I survive with a woman like you living so far away?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Well, despite what you may have heard
[hands her business card over to William]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: cell phones can be very good for your health!


"Criminal Minds: The Performer (#5.7)" (2009)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [JJ and Reid are on the phone with Garcia. Reid is working at a glass evidence board. JJ sists in a chair] Penelope?
Penelope Garcia: Are we in yet?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: All yours.
Penelope Garcia: [sighs] I always feel skeevy going through someone's life like this.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay, so everything looks like it's password protected so you might not even be able to... you're in already, aren't you?
Penelope Garcia: Password was "Cullen."
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Of course.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looks over] "*Colon?*"
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: *Cullen.* The vampire family from Twilight.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's Twilight?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Do you ever read anything other than technical books.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Mm. Not much in English.
[looks back to his work]
Penelope Garcia: Okay I'll see what I can dredge. My love is strong.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay. Thanks.
[hangs up]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: How's the profile coming?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know. I never really feel ready, you know?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You'll be fine. I'm gonna go to talk to Tara's BFF before the media requests come in and it gets too crazy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's a BFF?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [sighs] Best friend forever.

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: You're in already, aren't you?
Garcia: Password was "Cullen".
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Of course.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Colon?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: *Cullen.* The vampire family from Twilight.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's Twilight?

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: We had no way of knowing she was going to be dangerous. She was just a friend of the victim. Granted, a schizophrenic friend with a sociopath partner.
Emily Prentiss: And a shovel.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So, they've already set up a task force in Los Angeles
David Rossi: This isn't their first serial case
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You remember detective Owen Kim?
Aaron Hotchner: From the stalker case
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah, you remember that case, don't you Spence?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I do remember that case
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah, ever talked to, uhm, Lila anymore?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, we should probably focus on this case right now. It's a little more pertinet

Derek Morgan: All right, so tell us about blood drinkers, Reid
Dr. Spencer Reid: Human blood consumption, or clinical vampirism, is known as Renfield's syndrome. Named after the, eh, insect eating character in Bram Stoker's novel Dracula
Emily Prentiss: Are they sadists?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Not necessarily. Pain to the victim is usually only a byproduct, blood is the focus. Renfield's syndrome is usually accompanied by varying levels of schizophrenia and occasionally more classic cannibalism, if the condition evolves
David Rossi: Classic cannibalism! Lovely job we have
Dr. Spencer Reid: I will say this: true cases are exceedingly rare
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Uh, that's comforting. Sort of


"Criminal Minds: There's No Place Like Home (#7.7)" (2011)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [voiceover] "Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." -Arthur Golden

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Ah, I finally got him down.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: He still feel warm?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: The ibuprofen must have kicked in.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: It's that preschool. Place is like a petri dish.
[JJ gets a text message]
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Thought you had a few days off. What's the case?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's about some missing kids.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Guess you gotta go in then, huh?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Please don't walk away like that. We've talked about this. I know this is hard on you.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Henry, too.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: On all of us. Look, if I had someone to cover my shifts, I would. What if it was Henry?
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Don't. It's not Henry. Henry's right in there.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What if it was? You'd want someone out there looking for him.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: No, I know. You're right. It's just... Things worked better when you were at the Pentagon.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I wasn't helping anyone there, Will.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: You worked normal hours and weekends off.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Fine. I'll tell them I can't come in.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Don't do that.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I was supposed to have time off. Henry's not feeling well.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: It's all right. You should go. I'll take care of it. Really, I got this. I'll see you when you get back.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Central Plains. Right in the middle of Tornado Alley.
Dr. Spencer Reid: If this UnSub is using tornadoes as a forensic countermeasure, then Kansas certainly is the ideal setting. Tornadoes do pose a significant threat. During this year's Super Outbreak back in April, there were 336 confirmed tornadoes in just several days, resulting in over 300 lives lost.

[last lines]
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Hey buddy. Guess who's on the phone.
Henry LaMontagne: Mommy!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Hi! Hi, little man. How... How are you? I heard you went to the doctor.
Henry LaMontagne: Are you coming home, Mommy?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Not yet, buddy. Um, tomorrow. I promise. So, are you ready for story time?
Henry LaMontagne: Yeah!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah? Okay. Daddy, are you ready? Bedtime For Baby Star. Once there was a baby star. He lived up near the sun. And every night at bedtime, that baby star wanted to have some fun. He would shine and shine and fall and shoot and twinkle, oh, so bright. And he said, "Mommy, I'll run away if you make me say good night." And then his mommy kissed him on his sparkly nose and said, "No matter where you go, no matter where you are, no matter how big you grow, and even if you stray far, I'll love you forever, 'cause you'll always be my baby star."
Henry LaMontagne: Good night, Mommy.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Good night.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Who's that with Hotch?
Dr. Spencer Reid: There's been another abduction. A boy named Shaun Rutledge. That's his younger brother Billy.
Derek Morgan: Says a young white guy in an RV attacked them with a crowbar in the rain.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's also changed his victim selection criterion. The boy he grabbed gets straight A's, plays football, even volunteers at his church.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So he wanted him so badly he was willing to leave a witness?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Which suggests he's losing touch with reality and his delusions are starting to take over.
Derek Morgan: What is it about this kid that was so attractive to him?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: He was teenage and Caucasian like the others, right?
Dr. Spencer Reid: We also think that a sexual element may actually not be at play.
Derek Morgan: So then what the hell is driving this guy?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Maybe it's love. What if he's trying to recreate someone he loves?
Derek Morgan: It is an emotion that drives us to extremes.


"Criminal Minds: A Beautiful Disaster (#11.18)" (2016)
Derek Morgan: Tell me you got something.
David Rossi: A casing and a rifle up on the roof.
Jennifer Jareau: This guy isn't sloppy. He's sending us a message.
Aaron Hotchner: Garcia, we need to access the surveillance footage.
Penelope Garcia: [leaving] Of course. I'm on it.
Derek Morgan: All right, what else we got?
David Rossi: That's it right now.

Jennifer Jareau: I don't agree with taking you off the case. When someone hurts one of us... when someone hurts a baby...
Derek Morgan: Yeah.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah. Uh, I need to show this to the team, but I wanted you to see it first.
[she hands over a scrap of paper]
Jennifer Jareau: I found it in the pay phone he used to call Garcia.
Derek Morgan: "How does it feel? Do you see red? I see red."
Jennifer Jareau: Does that mean anything to you?
Derek Morgan: [flashbacks; it obviously does] No.
Jennifer Jareau: You're sure?
Derek Morgan: Yeah.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Why leave a note so seemingly on the nose when every other action has been calculated for maximum pain? It has to mean more than simply "I'm angry". It's a clue, or a symbol. It means something to Morgan, and I think Chazz knows that.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, he wants to drive Morgan to exact revenge.
David Rossi: How do you think he's doing?
Jennifer Jareau: Well, after the physical and emotional stress of six months ago and now this? The guy's a saint.
David Rossi: He passed his return evals.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, but we wrote the questions. He knows exactly what to say.

Aaron Hotchner: Morgan never calls me Aaron. Why would he start?
Jennifer Jareau: What else did he say?
Aaron Hotchner: That of all people, I should understand.
Jennifer Jareau: He was talking about Foyet.
Aaron Hotchner: Yes, but he mentioned that earlier. Why bring it up again?
David Rossi: He wanted you to relate to his rage and back off?
Dr. Tara Lewis: Is there any other relevance to Foyet?
Aaron Hotchner: He attacked in my home. Maybe Morgan subconsciously let that slip.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, but Morgan's house isn't red.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [realizing something] Yeah, but he's renovated a lot of houses over the years. What if it's one of those?


"Criminal Minds: ...A Thousand Words (#5.20)" (2010)
Emily Prentiss: Have a good weekend, JJ!
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: [Holds up a case file] Sorry.
Derek Morgan: [Groans] There goes my beach house rental.
Emily Prentiss: And my non-refundable Sin-To-Win Weekend in Atlantic City.
Derek Morgan: "Sin-To-Win?"
Emily Prentiss: Yup. And I always win BIG.
[Smirks]

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: [trying to keep the story about the unsub out of the press] So, we have until the evening news - 6 p.m.
Emily Prentiss: How much do they know?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Oh, troopers told them everything.

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: What about property records?
Det. John Barton: Eh, I talked to the owner, eh, she said, she rented it a couple of weeks ago to a quite, normal looking guy named Bob. He said he wanted to store some equipment. And paid in cash
David Rossi: They're always normal

Derek Morgan: How's Reid doing?
David Rossi: It doesn't even seem to faze him. He's just sitting there in the corner, turning pages
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Yeah, Reid goes to another place when he reads


"Criminal Minds: The Caller (#9.10)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: No signs of forced entry or a struggle, according to the initial police report.
Penelope Garcia: Mom and dad put him to bed at ten. Woke up this morning, he was gone.
Alex Blake: Any visitors or workers to the house recently?
Penelope Garcia: No, but the parents say in the last two weeks, they've received five phone calls from what sounds like a little boy prank calling them.
Aaron Hotchner: They complained to authorities, but police determined that no laws had been broken.
Penelope Garcia: Mm-hmm. The little boy says "I'm gonna get you", according to police reports. There's a lot of crazy people talking in the background; it sounds like it's coming from an asylum or prison.
Derek Morgan: Well, I'd say the calls might coincidental, except the boy called again right after the parents found Andy missing, and he had a different message this time; "Did you see what I did?".
Jennifer Jareau: So he's taunting them. Maybe this is about revenge.
Alex Blake: "I'm gonna get you" is typically a threat, but in the case of children, it can also be a phrase used during play.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, this sounds similar to a cold case from fifteen years ago. Frankie Clayvin of Memphis.
David Rossi: I remember that. Gideon handled it. It obviously pre-dates all of you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Frankie Clayvin was nine years old at the time. He never made it home from school one day, was found dead in the woods thirty-six hours later five miles from his house.

Jennifer Jareau: Phone calls before an abduction/murder? It's a rare signature.
Derek Morgan: But if it is the same unsub, a dormancy period of fifteen years is highly unusual. Maybe we're looking at a copycat.
David Rossi: If I'm not mistaken, Frankie Clayvin was killed within two hours of his abduction.
Aaron Hotchner: Which means we're wasting time. Let's go.

Dr. Spencer Reid: [searching Andy's room] That's interesting.
Jennifer Jareau: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't see any sneakers. I mean, almost every ten year old boy has a pair, right?
Jennifer Jareau: I... guess they're somewhere else in the house, but mom seems like a neat freak.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What if Andy's wearing them?
Jennifer Jareau: That means he would have had time to put his shoes on and leave.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Which means he was most likely coaxed out by someone he knew.

Jennifer Jareau: [watching grieving parents] Look at how bereft they are. That's hard to fake.
Alex Blake: There's no way any of them are involved.


"Criminal Minds: The Pact (#8.2)" (2012)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Two victims in three hours? That's a spree.

Alex Blake: Can we rewind for a second? Is... is it possible to kill someone in San Diego and then drive two and a half hours up to L.A. and then do it again?
Dr. Spencer Reid: If you drove a V8 engine with a single plane crankshaft 80 miles per hour in good traffic, you took the I-5 to the 405 to the 10 east, got off on La Cienega, went right on Washington, north on Vermont, and then snuck up Selma using the back alley, you could do it in an hour, 42 minutes, and still have time for tacos.
Alex Blake: [to JJ, stunned] Wow.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Something's just... off about this guy.
Derek Morgan: Gut feeling?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Deep gut.
[finds a box in the drawings]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Jennifer Jareau, your gut knows what it's talking about.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Ugh! Why are men so messy?
Derek Morgan: I don't get down like this, I'm a clean freak!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Huh, why does that not surprise me?


"Criminal Minds: North Mammon (#2.7)" (2006)
[Opening Quote]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Legendary basketball coach John Wooden said, "It's not so important who starts the game, but who finishes it."

[Closing Quote]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: "The ultimate choice for a man, inasmuch as he is given to transcend himself, is to create or destroy, to love or to hate" - Erich Fromm

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Hi, Polly. My name is JJ. I grew up in East Allegheny, just right up the road. I was captain of the varsity soccer team my senior year. Got me a scholarship to Pittsburgh. Well, it's a pretty good school, but... it's not exactly Penn State. I know that's where you're going, 'cause your mom told me. You know, your mom carried a picture of you all the way up to the FBI academy in Quantico, Virginia, so that me and these agents here could help find you. And believe me, she was not leaving until we said we'd come. So no matter what happened over the past six days... no matter what, this... will all be a memory some day, but you will always have a mother that loves you that much.

Aaron Hotchner: What's all that?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: New cases, I got to figure out where we are going to next
Aaron Hotchner: Wait a minute! We are the profilers, I thought we made those decisions?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Sure you do!


"Criminal Minds: True Genius (#7.11)" (2012)
Derek Morgan: At the very least, the Zodiac would have to be about sixty by now.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah, but it doesn't take a lot of strength to pull a trigger.
Derek Morgan: No, but it takes a lot of skill not to get caught for forty years.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Can I get a physical copy of the online version of today's paper?
Agent Rebecca Lin: You want a printout of the online version?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah. With all the comments printed out as well, if possible, thanks.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Don't ask.

[last lines]
Emily Prentiss: Hey, Reid. Hotch wants to talk to you. What's wrong?
Dr. Spencer Reid: He probably wants to talk to me about why I've been kind of weird lately.
Emily Prentiss: You are making a difference, you know, one person at a time.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thank you. You know, I've been thinking a lot lately about why I stayed after Gideon left, why I didn't take any of those other offers.
Emily Prentiss: Nothing is accidental.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And I realized, I don't know, there's just something incredibly right about being here, with you guys.
Emily Prentiss: Well, I'm glad to hear that. Otherwise this would have been really awkward.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What would have been really awkward?
Penelope Garcia: Surprise!
Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia, Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Derek Morgan: Surprise! Happy birthday!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Happy birthday!
Penelope Garcia: Happy birthday!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thank you.
Aaron Hotchner: Do you feel like 30?
Derek Morgan: Happy birthday, old man. Happy birthday. Almost 40 now.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm getting close.

Penelope Garcia: Wait for it
[and shows picture of the crime scene]
Derek Morgan: The Zodiac?
David Rossi: No way
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Come on, it's got to be the 2.0 version


"Criminal Minds: The Company (#7.20)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: So then I get home and of course, he's still up past his bedtime.
Emily Prentiss: Uh, it reminds me why I'm not married.
Jennifer Jareau: Oh, well, neither am I, technically.
Emily Prentiss: Yeah, you're right. That's true. Do you guys ever...
Jennifer Jareau: No, I really don't need a man to tell me what to do.
Emily Prentiss: Yeah.
Malcolm Ford: Excuse me.
Jennifer Jareau: Shh! The adults are talking. When it's your turn to speak, I'll give you permission. Okay?
Emily Prentiss: So, anyway... Any sleep?
Jennifer Jareau: No, of course not.
Emily Prentiss: What are we doing here anyway? Oh, okay. So yeah, Mal, you want to confess now or just go straight to prison?

Jennifer Jareau: You know what? This is my favorite part. This is where you hang yourself with your own tongue. So, please keep talking.
Malcolm Ford: What are you doing here? You got a baby at home being raised by a man you're not married to. What are you doing here?
Jennifer Jareau: Well, it's work. But we make it work. Where's Cindi?
Malcolm Ford: Work. I know all about work. Negotiating who does the dishes, fighting over who folds the laundry. Except Cindi and I never fight. She knows her role.
Emily Prentiss: After you beat her into signing a contract.
Malcolm Ford: What we have is a bond you know nothing about. But I'll tell you about it.
[pause]
Malcolm Ford: If you ask permission.
Emily Prentiss: Come on.
Malcolm Ford: [to JJ] You're curious, aren't you? You want to know our secret.
[Prentiss and JJ leave the room]
Jennifer Jareau: Please let me go back in there.
Aaron Hotchner: No.
Jennifer Jareau: His guard is down. He thinks he can manipulate me.
Aaron Hotchner: We can't give him what he wants. We need to keep him off balance.

Derek Morgan: I'm telling you, that's not the woman I know. She wouldn't do that.
David Rossi: Then, what is it, Derek? Why would she behave this way?
Derek Morgan: She said she needed to cook dinner for him. Is that what you cook for your husband? Would you make that for Will?
Jennifer Jareau: No. I might for Henry, though.
Derek Morgan: Exactly. When I was growing up, this is what Cindi and I ate. This exact brand. Hotch, what did your mom make you for breakfast?
Aaron Hotchner: Oatmeal and orange juice.
Derek Morgan: What do you make for Jack?
Aaron Hotchner: Oatmeal and orange juice.
Derek Morgan: Same brand?
Aaron Hotchner: Uh-huh.
Derek Morgan: She might have been cooking dinner, but it was not for Malcolm Ford.
Emily Prentiss: You think they have a child?
Derek Morgan: Yes, I do.
Dr. Spencer Reid: We didn't profile that. There's no evidence of one in the home or in their lives.
Jennifer Jareau: Unless Ford keeps the child from her to keep her in line. I mean, that fits the profile.
David Rossi: It's a stretch.
Derek Morgan: It's the only theory that would explain her behavior.
Aaron Hotchner: All right, Morgan. Prove it.

Jennifer Jareau: Hi.
Emily Prentiss: Malcolm Ford, you're under arrest for kidnapping, child endangerment, and the murder of John Hitchens.
Jennifer Jareau: So, um, can you tell me that secret now?


"Criminal Minds: The Crossing (#3.18)" (2008)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [closing quote, voiceover] Susan B. Anthony said "A woman must not depend on the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself."

Emily Prentiss: What was that?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Bureaucratic red tape. Every case we take, I have to explain why, in terms of cost and size relative to the BAU. They don't always think it's worth it.
Emily Prentiss: They do have four agents doing the work that locals should.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Just because there isn't a dead body doesn't mean we shouldn't take the case.
Emily Prentiss: Hey, I... the fact that law enforcement, including the FBI, can't help someone until they've been injured is appalling. All I'm saying is it is a drain on the system.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Emily. Last year in Denver, a woman was being harassed by her ex-boyfriend. Cops knew who we was, but they couldn't arrest him. We didn't take that case. She was finally granted a restraining order three days after he threw acid in her face. Right now, I don't... I don't care about limited resources. I cannot make that same mistake again.

Keri Derzmond: Will you help me?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I am presenting this case to the team this morning. I'll let you know what they decide
Keri Derzmond: [Starts writing] Lou Evans, Ed Derzmond and Ryan Scott
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Excuse me?
Keri Derzmond: Those are the people who you will be calling when you find me dead

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Reads sheet of paper, takes a deep breath, calls someone] Hey, it's me! Got a minute? Yeah, fine, fine. Eh, we just really need to talk... I'm pregnant!


"Criminal Minds: Gatekeeper (#9.7)" (2013)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Scotty must have been coming from the east. Otherwise, the unsub's position would have left him exposed.
Jennifer Jareau: But...?
Dr. Spencer Reid: That avenue offers three different directions to head in lieu of this alleyway. So how did the unsub know Scotty was gonna choose this particular one?
Jennifer Jareau: You told the police he met a girl last night. So walking home this way wouldn't be part of his regular routine, right?
Ben Harrison: No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: When planning a blitz attack with varying avenues of approach, what do you do?
Jennifer Jareau: Eliminate the variable. Strike as close as you can to the point of origin or destination.
Dr. Spencer Reid: But Scotty was still miles away from home.
Jennifer Jareau: The woman he met lives nearby.

Aaron Hotchner: The unsub we're looking for is a dangerous voyeur, who feeds off the thrill of knowing his victims can't see him.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Typically, voyeurs are non-violent and content to remain bystanders. This one is different; he's on a mission that includes taking action.
Aaron Hotchner: And in that mission, he didn't hesitate to kill a teenage boy. Anyone who stands between him and his goal is at risk.
Alex Blake: We believe he's documenting his work. He's taking pictures and collects personal connections to his victims; their wallets and their hair.
David Rossi: It's important to him to have proof of what he's doing.
Derek Morgan: Voyeurs like to create fantasies in their heads of what the objects of their obsession should be like.
David Rossi: He creates a character identity instead of a reality, and when a person steps outside of the parameters that the unsub has set for them, he strikes.
Jennifer Jareau: This unsub appears to be triggered by males acting on what he perceives to be character flaws. Seemingly innocuous infractions to us are magnified in the unsub's psychosis.
Aaron Hotchner: Based on the planning and sophistication of the kills, we believe that he's in his late thirties or forties.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The geographic profile tells us this unsub is not only dumping his victims downtown, he's hunting there, too.
Derek Morgan: So this is where we need to redouble our efforts. Go building to building, door to door. This guy's a fly on the wall; he's able to leanr secrets without anyone realizing he's there.
Alex Blake: He'll have a job that involves very little social interaction, but that puts him in a position where he can observe others unnoticed.
Jennifer Jareau: So we should look at service workers, groundskeepers, anyone paid to be invisible.
Aaron Hotchner: And we need to move quickly. This unsub is approaching some sort of perceived deadline. The closer it gets, the more erratic and dangerous he'll become.

Penelope Garcia: His name is Tanner Johnson, and life has not been kind.
Jennifer Jareau: He lost a child, didn't he?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, last year. Ten year old son Jeremy. According to reports, Jeremy was playing with a friend, they were, like, fake 'wrestling', when Tanner, a freelance photographer/night time doorman, got a call, left the room to take it; when he returned, his son was unconscious, the friend was trying to revive him from a chokehold gone horribly wrong.
Aaron Hotchner: The son was strangled; that's why he uses a garrote.
Penelope Garcia: Jeremy was on life support for a few days, but he died.
Alex Blake: And Tanner blames himself. He stopped watching for a minute and he lost his son.
David Rossi: He hasn't stopped watching since. The grief must have consumed him.
Jennifer Jareau: That's a hell of a stressor, but what triggered the murders?
Aaron Hotchner: Garcia, what happened to Tanner's wife? Did the marriage survive?
Penelope Garcia: Uh... nope. She kicked him out two months ago. Right before the killings started.
Jennifer Jareau: So he loses his child, then his wife and home. It's enough to make anyone unstable.
Alex Blake: Add guilt to that, and it's all too much. He dissociated.
David Rossi: Paternal transference. Claimed the residents of the apartment building as his family.

Penelope Garcia: Beantown has turned into Chokeville. Three victims, all male, wallets stolen.
Aaron Hotchner: The unsub uses a garrote to strangle his victims. He strikes at night, and there have been no witnesses.
David Rossi: How much did he get?
Aaron Hotchner: What's odd. Each of the victims' socio-economically is lower to middle class. It's doubtful there would have been much cash, and there have been no charge attempts on any of the credit cards.
Alex Blake: So the murders might not be about money at all. Taking the wallets could be a forensic countermeasure to delay victim identification.
Penelope Garcia: That could be the sitch with the first two victims, but the latest one, Scott Delfino, he was on the phone with his roommate when he was attacked; call cut out unexpectedly, repeated callbacks went straight to voicemail.
Aaron Hotchner: And Delfino's body was found an hour later, indications were that he'd been blitzed.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Which speaks to the killer's prep work, but also his desperation. He chose a location to lay in wait, but wasn't capable of adapting to a target on the phone.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, that could be arrogance getting in the way, making his organization appear mixed. To me, that screams false confidence.
Derek Morgan: Which means the desperation is what's driving him. It's not about the kills, it's about what the murders represent.
Jennifer Jareau: He's mission oriented. He doesn't want to kill them, he has to.
David Rossi: Which suggests the unsub has no personal connection to his victims.
Alex Blake: Except choking as a kill method is extremely personal. He feels each victim take their last breath.
Derek Morgan: What if the wallets are a form of depersonalization? He's stripping his victims of their identities.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Which means he may feel stripped of his own. If the wallets are trophies, he could be seeking recognition for his work.
Aaron Hotchner: And he may not stop killing until he gets that recognition. Let's go.


"Criminal Minds: Plain Sight (#1.4)" (2005)
Jason Gideon: You havin' fun?
Dr. Spencer Reid: [dully] Yes. Definitely. I'm definitely having fun.
Jason Gideon: Make a wish?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Can I take this hat off?
Jason Gideon: I wouldn't.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Hey, Spence. First piece for the birthday boy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [to Gideon] Do you know she's the only person in the whole world who calls me 'Spence.'

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Reading poems the unsub left behind] "My name is Death! Have you not heard of me? You may as well be..."
[mumbles]
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Creepy, huh?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A... Actually conversations between Death and his victims was a... a fairly popular literary and artistic theme throughout the Renaissance.
[Seeing JJ frowning]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, creepy!

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: We're going to San Diego.
Derek Morgan: Not for the surfing, huh?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: They're calling him the Tommy Killer.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Six women raped and murdered in their homes in the last three weeks.
Elle Greenaway: Six in three weeks?
Jason Gideon: That's a short fuse.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: And getting shorter. First two were eight days apart, then the next four in two weeks.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Rapid escalation. You think he's regressing to a psychopathic frenzy?
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: No, he's too controlled for that. See you on the plane.

Dr. Spencer Reid: The verses.
Jason Gideon: Found something?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh, not an answer. A question. I... I found the full text; he's pretty much following it to a "T", at least the... the Death side of the conversation.
Jason Gideon: But?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Why didn't he leave them at the first three murders? I mean, this ballad is ten verses long, just on the Death side. He's got plenty to work with. But if it's not part of his signature, if it isn't something that he has to do for an emotional reason, then, I mean, why start?
Jason Gideon: JJ. Find out when the press ran the first story on this unsub.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: When?
Jason Gideon: After which victim.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Yeah, you got it.
Derek Morgan: What are you thinking?
Jason Gideon: He wasn't getting enough attention.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Police departments sometimes don't even realize they're looking at a pattern.
Derek Morgan: Yeah, until somebody tells them.


"Criminal Minds: JJ (#6.2)" (2010)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [voiceover]
[quoting her exit interview]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'm thankful for my years spent with this family, for everything we shared, every chance we had to grow. I'll take the best of them with me and lead by their example wherever I go. A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes. This isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson, or because I don't want to walk around angry, or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [voiceover] "A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it is filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy." ~~ Jean Racine

Aaron Hotchner: Strauss wanted you to fill this out.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Exit interview. A-are you kidding me?
Aaron Hotchner: She's big on procedure. Just be honest. I was hoping I could do something about this. And I'm sorry I couldn't.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I know.
[looking out at the rest of the team in the bullpen]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: How am I supposed to tell them I'm leaving when I don't want to go?
Aaron Hotchner: The brass is really, really good at taking power away. It makes them feel like they're in charge.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: That sounds like a profile.
Aaron Hotchner: You're gonna be much better off than any of us, you know that? I'll miss you.

Penelope Garcia: Okay, no that's... I'm supposed to say that this is a great opportunity, which it is. I don't know the way this place works without you. You're like the glue around here. Who's gonna make us feel safe?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: There's plenty of big, strong men around.
Penelope Garcia: See that, right there? Your total ignorance of how awesome you are is one of the 5,000 things I love about you.


"Criminal Minds: Cradle to Grave (#5.5)" (2009)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [voiceover] Journalist William D. Tammeus wrote: You don't really understand human nature, unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around, and why his parents will always wave back.

Aaron Hotchner: [Considering possible new cases] What's next?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Baton Rouge thinks have a white supremacist problem
Aaron Hotchner: What's you take?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Surprised] Really?
Aaron Hotchner: Yeah, I'd like to hear it
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: We're dealing with an individual, not a group
Aaron Hotchner: Why?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: The angry letters. The writer switches pronouns from plural to singular: "We are a heavily armed militia", followed by "I will be forced to take action"
Aaron Hotchner: Good. Send it back to the police with our analysis

Penelope Garcia: Okay, know this: most adoption people are like the nicest, most dedicated people in the world. There are however real skeezy ones
Dr. Spencer Reid: How skeezy?
Penelope Garcia: Super skeezy. I've got a spreadsheet of one of them, expecting compensation for the baby I'm having
Derek Morgan: Something you want to tell me, Garcia?
Penelope Garcia: Uhm, that's the sad part, my prince. The genetically perfect offspring of Penelope Garcia and Derek Morgan wouldn't fetch top dollar
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Who does?
Penelope Garcia: White babies are in higher demand than minorities. Boys are more popular than girls, at least this year anyway. And then there is the Swedish supermodel rule
Emily Prentiss: The what?
Penelope Garcia: If I were to deliver a blond haired, blue eye, bundle of joy I would set for life. I would!

Derek Morgan: JJ, I need you to call these fertility specialists and get them over here for interviews
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Looks at the paper she got from Derek] Wow!
Derek Morgan: Yeah, I know. Hotch wants to focus on the prenatal drugs the unsub has given the victims. He thinks we can build a new suspect poolvand he wants it done yesterday
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: There's two pages of names here. Shouldn't we narrow it down?
Derek Morgan: JJ, just do it! Okay?
[JJ frowns]
Derek Morgan: I'm sorry
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Is everything okay?
Derek Morgan: Hotch has been on me ever since we got here. And for the life of me, I can't figure out why


"Criminal Minds: Brothers Hotchner (#8.23)" (2013)
[Before leaving with Alex, Erin has brief eye contact with David]
Erin Strauss: So I'll see you all in the jet tomorrow
[turns and walks away]
Jennifer Jareau: Could you be any more obvious?
David Rossi: I think I preferred you before you were a profiler!

Penelope Garcia: [Picks up the pohone] Go for greatness
Derek Morgan: Hey Baby Girl, I need you to run a search on delayed onset MDMA Meth amphetamine mixtures. See if you can find anything about...
Penelope Garcia: Wow!
Jennifer Jareau: What?
Penelope Garcia: Double oh to the wow to the oh wow power! There's a drug called para-methox... ish...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Para- methoxymethamphetamine?
Penelope Garcia: Yes! What you just said: PMMA for short

Penelope Garcia: I hope you saved me for dessert!
Jennifer Jareau: Morgan isn't here, Baby Girl
Penelope Garcia: Oh! I knew that. That was for you
Jennifer Jareau: Hmm

Thane Parks: Look, I think I'd like my phone call now.
Erin Strauss: You could do that, sure.
David Rossi: Or, we could play a little game called "Let's make a deal."
Liz Leonte: I don't want to make any deals without my lawyer.
Alex Blake: Yeah, this one you do. See, this is what somebody did to your boss.
David Rossi: You see, Thane, whoever it is that's out there, he managed to get to Jim Peters outside of his apartment.
Jennifer Jareau: The person who did that isn't very happy right now. And he is waiting, just waiting to get his hands on someone else connected to your club's operation. And you know what we're gonna do?
Erin Strauss: We're gonna let you go.
Thane Parks: You're what?
David Rossi: What makes you think that if he was able to get to the big boss, he'd have any trouble getting his hands on you?
Alex Blake: So, like I said, we're gonna let you walk right out of here...
Liz Leonte: All right. I'll tell you what you want to know. Just...
Thane Parks: You have to protect me.


"Criminal Minds: The Return (#9.8)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: Another missing kid?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, this is where it goes from whack to super whack with a side of awful

Jennifer Jareau: The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse - Edmund Burke

Jennifer Jareau: What's your name?
Cameron Patterson: My name is... Cameron Patterson... I'm a soldier, 53699.
Jennifer Jareau: Is that what he told you to say?
[Cameron nods]
Jennifer Jareau: Cameron, you don't have to say that ever again. Okay?
[Cameron nods again]

Aaron Hotchner: It's possible we're dealing with a terrorist organization with one man at the center. We're basing our profile on his motivation.
Derek Morgan: We believe these children were abducted by a preferential offender who targets pre-pubescent boys.
Alex Blake: Our unsub is likely a male in his forties, with some military or law enforcement training.
Jennifer Jareau: We think he has a secluded location that provides enough privacy to hold his victims captive for several years.
David Rossi: In that time, he breaks these kids down, rebuilds them to be hardened soldiers.
Dr. Spencer Reid: We believe they're suffering from an extreme case of Stockholm syndrome. Much like Patty Hearst, who came to view the SLA as her new family and the rest of the world as adversaries, we believe he's attempting to instill this same feeling within his army.
Derek Morgan: He likely uses military torture techniques to get his victims to see his enemies as their own.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He puts them through a rigorous and punishing military training regimen in order to prepare them mentally and physically for his war.
Derek Morgan: And once this happens, the physical threats stop and the reprogramming begins.
Jennifer Jareau: And now that he has their trust, he maintains this connection by bolstering them with love and affection.
David Rossi: His connection to them is important. It ensures once they're released, they will not deviate from their orders.
Alex Blake: His ultimate target has yet to be determined, but it could be as broad as American citizens.
Dr. Spencer Reid: These attacks have been well orchestrated, methodical, and extremely violent in order to maximize destruction and panic.
Aaron Hotchner: Which is why we need to get ahead of him in order to prevent more bloodshed. But in order to do that, we need to identify the source of his rage.


"Criminal Minds: From Childhood's Hour (#7.5)" (2011)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Mrs. Smith? I'm Agent Jareau. Jennifer. I'm with the FBI.
Marlene Smith: Did you hear any more about my Bobby?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: No, ma'am. But our entire team is here, and we are the best at what we do. We're gonna need your help, okay?
Marlene Smith: Okay.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I have a boy of my own. He's almost three. I... can't even imagine what you are going through.
Marlene Smith: He's so little.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I know. Can you tell me what happened the morning you dropped him off?
Marlene Smith: I was having one of my bad days.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: And what does one of your bad days look like?
Marlene Smith: I wanted to hurt myself. I can't control it.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Is that why you took him to his grandmother?
Marlene Smith: Yeah. I have to protect him.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: And you had done this in the past?
Marlene Smith: [near tears] Yeah. I just had to get him out of the house. You know? I just had to get him out of the house. That's all I kept thinking about, was just get him out! Get him out!

Marlene Smith: So when I was feeling better, I-I went to my mother's to pick him up, and... that's when they told me he wasn't there.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You didn't call ahead before you dropped him off?
Marlene Smith: Yeah. She didn't answer.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: She doesn't have an answering machine?
Marlene Smith: Yeah, she does, but there wasn't time for that.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Please help me understand, Mrs. Smith. It takes ten seconds to leave a message. Look, these... these bad days that you have, I understand. There... there must be times when...
Marlene Smith: [sobbing, showing JJ the scars on her wrists] Look. Bobby saw me do this before. Twice. I had to get him out of the house! Don't you understand?

Dr. Spencer Reid: How about 10 pairs of shoes? I mean, that has to be enough, right? Ten?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence, it's different with the ladies. We need them to match our belts, our handbags, our skirts, and the fashions change with the seasons.
Penelope Garcia: Yes. Boys are so boring. Pants, shoes, out the door.
Emily Prentiss: Although, it's not like men don't have their things. I dated a golfer once. He had 12 putters in his closet. But this conversation is reminding me I need new boots.
Penelope Garcia: They're having a sale at DeMille's on those tall-shaft kitty heels. You like those. Do you want to go?
Emily Prentiss: Yeah.
Derek Morgan: You getting all this, kid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No.

Aaron Hotchner: We're looking for a male unsub in his mid- to late twenties. Physically fit enough to subdue Marlene Smith, and carry out a vicious attack and sustained attack.
David Rossi: We believe he sees himself as a rescuer, taking children away from unfit parents. He may very well have abandonment issues from his own childhood.
Derek Morgan: The impulsive nature of committing the murder out in the open suggests that he's inexperienced.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The violence on Marlene Smith went from precision to frenzy, which points to someone with classic psychopathic traits; quick to rage and quick to recover.
Emily Prentiss: He also appears to have insider knowledge of the families in these cases, so we need to look for someone who was privy to what went on behind those closed doors.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Emergency personnel were called to the Smith house after both suicide attempts, and once to the Tanner house after the mother overdosed on prescription drugs.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: That means first responders, Child Service workers, ambulance personnel. Both missing children apparently went without struggle or protest. That makes us think that they had prior contact with the person we're looking for.
David Rossi: Or they inherently trust who he is by the virtue of his job. The uniform he wears; doctor, mailman, policeman.
Derek Morgan: So far, the violence has been directed to the offending parent, but we don't know what the unsub's endgame is.
Emily Prentiss: We have written up a media release on precautions the public needs to take.
Aaron Hotchner: And we've taken the second mother into protective custody, thus depriving him of his target. This will increase his volatility.
David Rossi: That's why it's critical we find these kids. If they are alive, he may turn his violence against the children themselves.


"Criminal Minds: A Family Affair (#7.16)" (2012)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [voiceover] "Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you." -H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Emily Prentiss: Still no sitter?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: My sitter is not available. Apparently I have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting a sitter on a Saturday night.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What's going on tonight?
Emily Prentiss: Oh, it was ladies night, but...
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I forgot to book a sitter.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'll do it.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What? I've seen an episode of *Mr. Belvedere*.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You've never babysat by yourself before.
Emily Prentiss: You know, he could do a couple of hours.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What could possibly go wrong?
[on next day, at the FBI Triathlon finish gate]
Dr. Spencer Reid: "A couple hours. A couple hours." You guys didn't come home till sunrise.

Emily Prentiss: Oh, you're not playing around
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Hmm, Will's away all week, so I'm pulling double duty with Henry
Penelope Garcia: Please tell me we're still on for Saturday night? Because I've had it circled on my calendar for the last 23 1/2 days
[sees JJ wondering]
Penelope Garcia: which apparently, from the look of you, you did not!
Emily Prentiss: Oh, Garcia paid good money for those Salsa lessons
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'll get a sitter

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Rebecca had over $250 on her
Allyson Parker: She did?
Emily Prentiss: What would that kind of money get a customer?
Allyson Parker: A lot
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Like: all night or...
Allyson Parker: Nowadays... yeah


"Criminal Minds: Gabby (#9.16)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: [closing quote] "A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them" - Victor Hugo

Agent Tia Canning: Disrupted adoptions?
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's what the people involved are calling it. They're also referring to it as re-homing. And it's been happening underground for some time now.
Alex Blake: Until now, it's mainly been overwhelmed adoptive parents of problem children from overseas.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Good people go on site looking for guidance or services, but bad people offer to take problem kids off their hands as a last resort.
Agent Tia Canning: So they just give them away to some random couple?
Jennifer Jareau: Calling them couples is a bit generous. The article talks about these people who pose as families, but really they're just freaks looking for access to kids.
Alex Blake: And no one's keeping track of them.
Agent Tia Canning: Why isn't this illegal?
Aaron Hotchner: Well, 'cause it's a relatively new practice, and unsurprisingly, no legislation's been written yet.

Derek Morgan: JJ, you okay?
Jennifer Jareau: They don't have any place safe to be.
Alex Blake: It's not ideal, but they'll be in foster care until they find a family.
David Rossi: Yeah, but how many more kids like that are out there?
Aaron Hotchner: That's a good question.


"Criminal Minds: Hit (#7.23)" (2012)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [voiceover] "Fear is met and destroyed with courage." - James F. Bell.

[first lines]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Five more minutes, please.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: There we go. Get your mama. Get her.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Denied.
Henry LaMontagne: Mommy, wake up. It's time to play.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: I'm late for work and you promised.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay, buddy, go get your shoes. Go on.
Henry LaMontagne: Yay!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: When will a day off ever actually be a day off?
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: In about 14 years. Come on.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Oh, uh. So, remember, we have the play date with Cameron. So, you're on your own for dinner.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Uh, I'll manage somehow.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Uh-huh.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: I love you.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I love you, too.
Henry LaMontagne: I love you, three.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: I love you, four. Be a good boy for your mama, okay? Okay.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay, so what's the significance of Chad?
Dr. Spencer Reid: A 2008 coup attempt plunged them into political instability. They're currently in the middle of a civil war.
Emily Prentiss: There's gotta be more to it than that.


"Criminal Minds: Lucky (#3.8)" (2007)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: We got a bad one.
[Walks brusquely past Morgan and Garcia]
Derek Morgan: How bad?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Florida.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Bridgewater, Florida. Local girl, Abbey Kelton, nineteen, left her parents' home to go the local junior college. She never came home. Three days later, joggers found her - part of her - in a nearby park.
Emily Prentiss: What did that to her?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Bridgewater's off of I-75, which is often referred to as "Alligator Alley", for reasons that are now apparent. Everything below the waist had been eaten.
David Rossi: Ah, the circle of life.
Emily Prentiss: Suddenly, I don't feel so guilty about my alligator wallet.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So killer satanic cults don't exist, but satanic serial killers do?
David Rossi: 'Lasciate ogne speranza voi ch'intrate'
[walks out the door]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Huh, thanks for clearing that up
Dr. Spencer Reid: Eh, it's from Dante's Inferno: abandon hope all he who enter here
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So that was a "yes"?
Aaron Hotchner: A big "yes"


"Criminal Minds: Awake (#11.8)" (2015)
Jennifer Jareau: [opening quote] "you can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind" Mahatma Gandhi

Derek Morgan: [Making himself some coffee] Hey, did you want a cup?
[JJ moans]
Derek Morgan: Oh! Right, right without the whole, uhm... Yeah JJ:
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, I'm still nursing. That's okay, only 45 days, 3 hours and 6 minutes left, but who's counting?
Derek Morgan: You're really not messing around
Jennifer Jareau: No, you don't stand between a woman and her caffeine
Derek Morgan: Well, listen when your sentence is up, first cup's on me
Jennifer Jareau: Deal

Jennifer Jareau: [Yawns] Oh, I'm sorry
Derek Morgan: Wow, kids really are game changers, aren't they?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, how is it that I wake up more exhausted than when I went to bed?
Derek Morgan: Why don't you try to get some shut-eye before we land?
Jennifer Jareau: Oh, trust me, I tried! It's not happening
[looks at her phone]
Derek Morgan: Hey Rossi, I remember Reid told me once, eh, I think it went something like this:
[mimics Reid]
Derek Morgan: "Hey Morgan, you know electronics, they emit a sleep depriving type of blue light that prevent you from falling asleep at night"
David Rossi: Yeah, I remember that. Actually it was more like, uhm
[mimics Reid]
David Rossi: "Studies show that we need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep a night"
[Both chuckle; they look at JJ who fell asleep]
David Rossi: Works like a charm!


"Criminal Minds: Painless (#7.4)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [When JJ claims she can't remember ever being bullied in high school] Were you one of the mean girls?
Jennifer Jareau: Wh - ? No!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Valedictorian, soccer scholarship, corn fed but still a size zero - I think that you might've been a mean girl!
Jennifer Jareau: *I* was actually one of the *nice* girls. Even to guys like *you*!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Guys like me? I'll have you know that my social standing increased once I started winning at basketball.
Jennifer Jareau: [Disbelievingly] Oh yeah, you played basketball?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, I didn't play. I *coached* basketball. I broke down the opposing team's shooting strategy.
Jennifer Jareau: Is that why Morgan kicked you out of the pool last week?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah. Took him three rounds to realize I was hustling him.

Penelope Garcia: Does anyone remember this picture?
David Rossi: Hotch and I were there. That's Principal Doug Givens. We had to drag him to safety.
Emily Prentiss: High school bombing in Boise, right?
Jennifer Jareau: School shooter *and* school bomber. A kid named Randy Slade shot three students, and then set off an IED in the cafeteria via cell phone, killing himself and thirteen kids total, but not before posting all of his plans online. It was one of those "where were you?" events. My whole campus was glued to the TV.

Emily Prentiss: What else do we have to go on?
Jennifer Jareau: Spence said the UnSub would have broken his hand beating Chelsea to death. Did you notice anyone with a cast on their hand, someone who seemed hurt?
Emily Prentiss: No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I might know why. This UnSub doesn't feel pain. There's a medical condition called pain asymbolia, where patients register harmful stimuli without being bothered by it. They've been documented holding their hand over an open flame because their brain doesn't send pain signals to the central nervous system.
David Rossi: Sounds pretty rare. You sure the UnSub has it?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The crime scenes prove it. This UnSub displayed an unusual level of savagery towards his victims. And consider this, he smashed through a glass display case, but there were not cuts on Jerry. That means he most likely punched through it as a show of force. Now, the only way the human body could withstand that level of pain is if he couldn't feel it at all.
David Rossi: It must take a major toll on someone's emotional development.
Derek Morgan: A significant contributor to our sense of empathy is the way we personally experience pain.
Aaron Hotchner: And the UnSub didn't develop his sense of empathy because it was cut off. Does every person with asymbolia have this?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, most feel empathy just fine, which makes me think the rest of our profile is still accurate. Loner, invisible, outcast, boiling rage...


"Criminal Minds: Strange Fruit (#9.9)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: Ah come on, there's got to be something! A guy capable of this kind of brutalities has got to have a pretty sketchy record
Penelope Garcia: [typing and searching] Hmm...
[results pop up]
Penelope Garcia: Huh, creepy bingo!

Jennifer Jareau: Are you sure you shouldn't say anything?
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: Positive.
Jennifer Jareau: People think we're having an affair. Can't we just say we're on assignment?
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: No one can know. What are you afraid of?
Jennifer Jareau: The stares, the whispers. Spence has been asking me questions. Rossi's been onto us from day one.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: [to Garcia coming to them] Hello.
[to JJ]
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: Good luck out there.
Jennifer Jareau: Thank you.

Jennifer Jareau: [Hotch is watching Rossi's interrogation] How's he doing?
Aaron Hotchner: I think he's making progress.
Jennifer Jareau: I'm surprised none of them have lawyered up yet.
Aaron Hotchner: Tina and Lyle haven't because they know that they're innocent. Charles is a sociopath. He thinks he can talk his way out of it.


"Criminal Minds: Rabid (#9.18)" (2014)
Derek Morgan: It tooks us almost two hours to get out to here
Jennifer Jareau: That's with you driving too!

Jennifer Jareau: You guys ready to get out of here?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes please! I can't stand hospitals, it's something about the lighting!

Jennifer Jareau: [entering the dirty living room of the possible unsub] I think it safe to say this guy's single and not in a relationship


"Criminal Minds: The Popular Kids (#1.10)" (2005)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Melted wax?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Candle wax?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Candles are used in rituals.
Jason Gideon: They're also used on birthday cakes.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Actually, they were originally used to protect the birthday celebrant from demons for the coming year. As a matter of fact, down to the fourth century, Christianity rejected the birthday celebration as a Pagan ritual.
Sheriff Bridges: What kind of a doctor are you?

Jason Gideon: You have the sign-in sheets?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Yeah.
Jason Gideon: Garcia standing by to do background checks on 'em all?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Yeah. I've got a deputy waiting to take me back to the station. I'm gonna fax her as soon as I get there.
Jason Gideon: Good. This type of unsub can't resist injecting himself into a show like this. He's here with us.

Penelope Garcia: One guy owns a bunch of shoe stores up and down the eastern seaboard
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Is he married?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, story of my life, Sunshine


"Criminal Minds: It Takes a Village (#7.1)" (2011)
[first lines]
Senator Cramer: And how long have you been back with the bureau?
Jennifer Jareau: Three and a half months, sir.
Senator Cramer: A lot has happened since then. Sabbaticals, transfers, reassignments. Four of you remained in the unit?
Jennifer Jareau: Agents Rossi, Morgan, and I were there with our technical analyst, Penelope Garcia.
Senator Cramer: You had 14 cases in that time.
Jennifer Jareau: Seventeen, sir.
Senator Cramer: Oh, yes. In 14 weeks. That's impressive.
Jennifer Jareau: Thank you.
Senator Cramer: But what's more impressive is the fact that you were reinstated, promoted, and suspended in that short time. I believe that's a record, Agent Jareau.

Jennifer Jareau: [opening, voiceover] Queen Elizabeth I said, "The past cannot be cured."

Erin Strauss: The committee made it clear they will not support a rogue team. Agent Prentiss convinced them you were not that. They will be watching you closely. So I suggest you play by their rules.
Penelope Garcia: So, we're okay?
Erin Strauss: Suspension is lifted for everyone.
Jennifer Jareau: Thank you, ma'am.
Erin Strauss: There may be more paperwork, considering your situation, but the team is lucky to have you, if you're interested.
Emily Prentiss: May I think about it?
Erin Strauss: Of course.
Emily Prentiss: [pause] I'm in.


"Criminal Minds: Zoe's Reprise (#4.15)" (2009)
David Rossi: Why do people want to hear me talk about serial killers? Is it that entertaining?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: There's a public fascination with them.
David Rossi: Sometimes I wonder if my books are doing more harm than good.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: My senior year at Georgetown, I was graduating and I did not have a clue what I was gonna do with my life. And one day, I was in the campus bookstore and you were there. Promoting your... second book? Sat through your whole talk.
David Rossi: You never told me.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I asked you what it was you were most proud of, and you showed us a picture of a boy from Charleston.
David Rossi: Brent Roberts. A neighbor took him.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: He was found alive. One of the few. That night, I bought your book. Applied to the academy the next fall.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Victim one, Travis Bartlett, was last seen at a gay bar. He was shot at night in a park. Victim two, Lily Nicks, a thirty-four year old prostitute, her throat was slashed. Victims three and four, June Appleby and Troy Wertsler, were shot in their car at a parking lot outside of a movie theater. And victim five was a twenty-eight year old single woman, Kayla James, killed in her home. She was bound, suffocated with a bag over her head, evidence of rape.
Emily Prentiss: And then the sixth victim was Zoe.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Victimology, weapons used, and C.O.D. are all different. I mean, it's hard to imagine it's even the same unsub.
David Rossi: It can't be a coincidence that Zoe goes to Kayla James' house and gets murdered.
Aaron Hotchner: All right, let's say it is the same killer. Does anybody see a pattern?
Emily Prentiss: Well, maybe. Okay, in the first crime, he shoots the victim. The second crime, he rapes a woman and slashes her throat; that's more personal. And the third crime, he escalates to killing two people, and the fourth, he escalates even more by raping a woman, binding her, and suffocating her.
Aaron Hotchner: So if it is the same unsub, you could argue that there's a progression of violence with every kill.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It could be an anger excitation offender getting more daring with each crime.
Derek Morgan: I think I got something here. Look at this. The slashes in the prostitute's throat, they're all shallow, unsure cuts. The Kayla James crime scene, telephone cord, rope, and duct tape were used. It's like he couldn't decide how to bind her.
Aaron Hotchner: So without a gun, he's sloppy, inexperienced.
Derek Morgan: The young couple shot in the car... that crime scene remind you of anything?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, they were shot with a .44 Bulldog, just like the Son of Sam used on his victims, which were also young couples in parked cars. It might be nothing, but you're right, there is a parallel there.
Emily Prentiss: With the second victim, it's hard not to think of Jack the Ripper. The obvious similarity being it's a prostitute whose throat was slashed.
Aaron Hotchner: Kayla James was bound, tortured, raped, with a plastic bag over her head, like BTK.
Derek Morgan: What about victim number one?
David Rossi: Garcia, what neighborhood was he found in?
Penelope Garcia: At a park in the Kingsbury Run area.
David Rossi: Zoe reminded me last night that Cleveland's most famous serial killer was the Butcher of Kingsbury Run. He found his victims in gay bars, shot them, and dumped their body there. Travis Bartlett was last seen at a gay bar, and his body was found in Kingsbury Park.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So these are copycats of famous serial killers?
David Rossi: He's a serial killer studying serial killers.
Aaron Hotchner: See you in Cleveland, Dave.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Showing pictures] This is Henry wearing booties my mom knitted him
Penelope Garcia: I can't get over his cuteness
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Giggles] Oh, and this is him wearing the customized leather jacket aunty Penelope got him
Penelope Garcia: When he grows up he's gonna be a rebel!
[Phone rings]
Penelope Garcia: Is this David Rossi, the famous bestselling author David Rossi?
Derek Morgan: What you're doing? You're not supposed to call when you're on annual leave
David Rossi: I think my AL just ended


"Criminal Minds: Run (#7.24)" (2012)
David Rossi: They say that good things happen to good people. Today is one of those days, and these are two of those people. We love you.
David Rossi, Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau, Detective William LaMontagne Jr., Emily Prentiss, Dr. Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner, Sandy Jareau, Beth Clemmons, Penelope Garcia: Cheers!

David Rossi: Don't do that
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What?
David Rossi: Go all quiet
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What am I supposed to do?
David Rossi: Yell
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I can't
David Rossi: You can't blame yourself
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Wanna bet? I should have never left Henry today
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You were doing your job
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'm a mom!
David Rossi: And a federal agent
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'm a mom first!
David Rossi: Who had no possible way of knowing how this day would go
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [sighs] We made this deal, Will and I, that Henry would never be alone without either of us. I broke that
David Rossi: He'll forgive you

Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: It's okay. Henry is safe. It's all gonna be fine
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Ask me again
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: What?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Ask me!
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Jennifer Jarreau, will you marry me?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Oh, it's about damn time!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: There's a chapel here, let's just do it now! Let's just get it over with
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Hell no, I'm not the one that's supposed to be in a gown
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Alright, fine, Monday then. Clear your calendar, 'cause we have a date at the courthouse


"Criminal Minds: Roadkill (#4.23)" (2009)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [closing quotation, voiceover] "The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still, small voice of conscience." - Mahatma Gandhi.

Emily Prentiss: An unsub that kills with his car! I haven't seen that before
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Neither the police in Bend, Oregon, which is why they need our help
Aaron Hotchner: Two victims in the last 12 days

Emily Prentiss: I think it's safe to assume our unsub is male
Aaron Hotchner: I agree with you, given what we know about aggressive driving and road rage
Emily Prentiss: And the fact that men have an unnatural bond with their cars
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: That is true!
Derek Morgan: Wait a minute, I don't know about unnatural
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I once dated a guy who washed his car more than he washed his hair
David Rossi: A nice car needs love
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: And a woman doesn't?
David Rossi: Uh, I'm not qualified to answer that


"Criminal Minds: Tribute (#11.19)" (2016)
Jennifer Jareau: [In the plane, seeing Reid is staring to Derek's empty seat] Are you ever gonna turn that page?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I haven't finished it yet
Jennifer Jareau: You miss him, huh?
[Reid nods yes]
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, me too
David Rossi: Me three

David Rossi: [Getting out of the car] You know, I can't believe it! The whole ride down here, you didn't mention the guy once! I'm just saying
Emily Prentiss: What? Morgan? Okay, guys, I'm sorry. I was going to. I was just giving you space, I mean, he just left. It must still be raw. I remember leaving you guys both times. I was heartbroken. I'm sure he's gonna be okay. He's with his family and he's... Morgan. How are you guys doing? You're holding up?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, I mean, some days are better than others
David Rossi: Actually, I was giving you a hard time over your boyfriend Mark
Emily Prentiss: Wait! How do you know about Mark?
Jennifer Jareau: Oh, come on! I'll give you one guess
Emily Prentiss: Garcia!

David Rossi: You know, somehow he managed to talk Camille Harrison into a threesome with a prostitute. This guy must be quite the charmer
Dr. Spencer Reid: You are not kidding. The amount of germs exchanged in a situation like that, can be astronomical
Jennifer Jareau: Well, maybe Camille was into that kind of thing


"Criminal Minds: I Love You, Tommy Brown (#7.17)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: I will never understand this whole teacher lover thing. I can barely deal with a grown man.
David Rossi: What's interesting is, if it would have been a male teacher and a female student, he'd have gotten 20 years and none of this would have happened.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, she could get life plus 20 for all those murders she committed.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, it's funny. If she wasn't so pretty, she probably would never have been released in the first place.
Penelope Garcia: What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's true. Unattractive female predators serve a longer prison sentence than their attractive counterparts.
Penelope Garcia: Wow. That's ridiculous.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's primal. There's a hierarchy to everything, including sex offenders.

Dr. Spencer Reid: So I checked the pregnant employees working with the foster program; no indication of maternal desire or postpartum psychosis.
[sits in front of Hotchner]
Aaron Hotchner: What about those who were fired or quit?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Only two were pregnant, but they also had healthy children. The rest didn't fit the profile.
Aaron Hotchner: Okay. We need to warn other parents in the foster system.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [subdued] The police department's already making phone calls.
Derek Morgan: [sits down with Jennifer as Reid looks on] This woman is erratic and unstable. What about someone who was recently released from a mental institution?
Jennifer Jareau: [off-screen] Well, that would explain taking the last victim's clothes. When you enter a facility, they strip you of your identity.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And when you get out of an institution, the first thing you do is try to get your identity back.
Aaron Hotchner: [tapping on a device] I'll get Garcia.

Aaron Hotchner: We believe the unsub we're looking for is a white female who, based upon the organizational level of the crimes, is in her late 30s to early 40s.
Emily Prentiss: We also believe that something in the last few days has triggered her to think that killing was the only way she was gonna be able to obtain a child. Consequently, the foster families that did not have a child in their care when she visited became her victims.
David Rossi: Because all these families recently had children in their homes, we believe our unsub is motivated by maternal desire.
Jennifer Jareau: Maternal desire is the profound emotional need to mother a baby. This stems from either the tragic loss of her own child, or the inability to have one at all.
Dr. Spencer Reid: This unsub may also fantasize that someone else's baby belongs to her, and this emotion feels beyond her control. A... a woman who miscarries sometimes projects onto someone else's baby, and then sets out to take that child.
Derek Morgan: This may cause our unsub to do something drastic, like commit a Caesarian abduction, or kidnap a random kid. The speed at which the kills are occurring suggests that our unsub is frustrated and devolving.
Jennifer Jareau: This is causing her to go on a spree, which usually ends in a very high body count and suicide by cop.
Derek Morgan: So we should look at anyone who was pregnant and suffering from postpartum psychosis.
David Rossi: We also need to check those who worked for or had access to the local foster system.
Aaron Hotchner: Thank you. Any questions?
[all of the local police officers raise their hands]


"Criminal Minds: The Fox (#1.7)" (2005)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: He's so gorgeous.
Dr. Spencer Reid: If you find baldness and wrinkles attractive.

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: [Looking at baby Jack] It's so gorgeous
Haley Hotchner: Thank you
Dr. Spencer Reid: If you find baldness and wrinkles attractive
Penelope Garcia: Look at his little, witty, bitty nose!
[to Derek who walks in]
Penelope Garcia: Don't you want one of these?
Derek Morgan: Hm, I'll stick to practicing

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: [On the just arrested unsub] Did he say anything?
Jason Gideon: No. Can we tie him forensically to the other crimes?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Negative on foreign DNA. He must have washed Crawford's clothes
Jason Gideon: Then we'll need a confession
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Can you get one?
Jason Gideon: Did you do what I asked?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Yeah
Jason Gideon: Then maybe


"Criminal Minds: Cold Comfort (#4.14)" (2009)
[their victim's mother is making a public appeal to her daughter's kidnapper]
David Rossi: Wish she would have waited until we had a chance to coach her.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I don't know, she seems to be doing a pretty good job.
Derek Morgan: Good enough to make the unsub think twice about killing Brooke.
David Rossi: If he hasn't already. Chances are this is all too late.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's her daughter. She has to have hope, right?
David Rossi: Hope's one thing. False hope is something else.
Derek Morgan: I guess you've worked with psychics before?
David Rossi: Yeah. Not by choice.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You know, there are cases where people believe they've helped.
David Rossi: When people are vulnerable, they'll believe a lot of things.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [opening quotation, voiceover] "And so, all the night tide I lay down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride, in the sepulcher there by the sea, in her tomb by the sounding sea." - Edgar Allan Poe.

David Rossi: You're in early.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Couldn't sleep.
David Rossi: I know how it can be coming back here. The bad things seem worse. You want easy answers.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: If you're gonna tell me not to believe in psychics, you don't have to.
David Rossi: You can believe in what you want. But when you're here, you need to have faith in what we do. It works.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I just... I saw a mother losing her child, and, uh... we didn't have any other leads. I thought what harm could it do?
David Rossi: I asked the same question once.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You did?
David Rossi: It was a kidnapping case in Georgia. We had nothing, time was running out, and there was a local woman known for her... abilities. On her advice, we took the investigation in the wrong direction. The boy died.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'm sorry.
David Rossi: It was a long time ago.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Well, we won this time. That's what matters, right?
David Rossi: [Rossi half-smiles] Welcome back.


"Criminal Minds: Mosley Lane (#5.16)" (2010)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [voiceover] Nietzsche wrote, Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of men.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [voiceover] Emily Dickinson wrote, Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: If you're gonna help us, I need you to do something for me
Sarah Hillridge: Anything!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Stop drinking
Sarah Hillridge: I can do that! I can do that


"Criminal Minds: Open Season (#2.21)" (2007)
Emily Prentiss: It looks like they were out there for a long time before they were killed.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: At least six or seven days.
Derek Morgan: What happened in that week?
Penelope Garcia: I don't wanna to know.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Look at they way they're dressed. They didn't voluntarily go into the woods like that.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah, neither did this man. Found yesterday with similar wounds. There's still no ID.
Penelope Garcia: Okay, so I'm gonna look for missing persons in Washington.
Jason Gideon: Look everywhere. We don't know where this victim came from. We only know where he ended up.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Kills both males and females.
Aaron Hotchner: Victims were found with their clothes on. No degradation, no experimentation. Doesn't look like he's interested in either.
Emily Prentiss: A serial killer with no sexual preference?
Dr. Spencer Reid: That'd be a first.
Aaron Hotchner: Broken nose, and bark's embedded in his face. Looks like he ran into a tree.
Derek Morgan: Now how do you miss a huge tree?
Aaron Hotchner: Too busy looking behind you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: None of these are defensive wounds.
Emily Prentiss: Courtney Jacobs' hands are torn up.
Derek Morgan: Shane Everett's only got one shoe on. It's like he ran out of the other one.
Aaron Hotchner: He sustained numerous injuries and just kept going.
Jason Gideon: Only one thing you run that hard for. Your life.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: This your first notification, sheriff?
Sheriff Raymond Schaeffer: Uh, is it that obvious?

Emily Prentiss: [Brings beer and Brad from the bar] Ladies, this is Brad! A real FBI agent!
Penelope Garcia: Really?
Emily Prentiss: Really!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: No way!
Penelope Garcia: That's exciting! What's it like in Quantico?
Brad: It's, eh, quite impressive!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What department are you in?
Brad: That's classified
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Oh
[winks to Garcia & Emily]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: it must be really tough keeping all those secrets
Brad: It's a skill like anything else. Carpenters are good at building stuff, measuring. FBI is good at keeping secrets and kicking criminal ass!
Emily Prentiss: Well, somebody has to do it! Oh, do you have to carry your gun and batch with you everywhere you go?
Brad: Affirmative
Emily Prentiss: Can we see it?
Brad: See what?
Emily Prentiss: Your badge
Penelope Garcia: Please
Brad: I am sorry, that's...
Penelope Garcia, Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau, Emily Prentiss: Classified of course
Emily Prentiss: [takes out her badge] Tell me Brad, does it look anything like this?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [takes out her badge] Or, uh, this?
Penelope Garcia: [takes out her badge] Or maybe this?
[Brad walks away]


"Criminal Minds: Devil's Backbone (#11.21)" (2016)
Jennifer Jareau: [Presses the intercom] Penelope?
Penelope Garcia: [Comes walking it] At your service
Jennifer Jareau: Oh? Hey!

Dr. Spencer Reid: [Standing in front of a screen which displays the letter] I thought that Antiona had written the initials CH in my hand. What she actually wrote was C++, which is a programming language that uses hexadecimals codes, or base-16. Now, that means that the unsub is most likely a programmer or at least someone who works with computers. Anyway, using an ASCII chart, you can translate between hexadecimal code and characters equivalents, but the interesting thing is the entire letter isn't the message. The actual message is hidden in a single sentence that is indicated by the number underlined in the date Reid: Rossi: Reid:
Jennifer Jareau: So, the forth sentence
Dr. Spencer Reid: Exactly. "When I think that proof alone will never beat faulty logic, I bleed twice". Now if you count the letters in each word, you get hexadecimal code
[hex characters on screen are: 41 54 4F 4E 45 46 4C 4D 4E]
Dr. Spencer Reid: which can be translated into characters
David Rossi: Kid, just tell us what it says
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Letters read: ATONE FL MN] Atone full moon

Dr. Tara Lewis: Don't forget boredom. I mean, she had a really exciting couple of days there. Not to brag, but we are a more scintillating company than most inmates and guards
Dr. Spencer Reid: I overheard the arrangement you made with Antonia in German. You promised to tell her truth after the case was over if she helped us out. You gonna follow through?
Dr. Tara Lewis: Hell no. Look, of all the serial killer types, the ones I find most dangerous are the hyper-intelligent ones that get off more on the mind games than the killing. They're like vampires, ready to suck your soul dry and file your information away for a rainy day
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, that's Antonia
Dr. Tara Lewis: Well, we got what we from her. I say we move on


"Criminal Minds: If the Shoe Fits (#10.6)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: Town versus gown, it happens
Dr. Spencer Reid: All the way back to the battle of St. Scholastica day
Kate Callahan: Okay, I'll take the bait. What's the whatever it is you just said?
Dr. Spencer Reid: The battle of St. Scholastica day? Glad you asked. Oxford, 1335: citizens attack students and professors with bows and arrows, fighting went on for 2 days and nearly a 100 people were killed

Jennifer Jareau: My mother believes that children shouldn't be shielded from the realities of the world. I do! Isn't that why we read them fairy tales in the first place?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, actually most fairy tales in their original form were gruesome to the extreme. In Cinderella the stepsisters had their feet mutilated to fit in the shoe and her eyes were eventually picked out by doves. Sleeping Beauty was raped while she was unconscious by the King. Hansel and Gretel were held captive by a half blind cannibal. Solders were instructed to cut out Snow White's liver and lungs, so the Queen could feast upon them
Jennifer Jareau: Thanks for that Spence!
Dr. Spencer Reid: My point is: one could argue that the sanitized versions we have today are actually counterproductive to the original purpose of fairy tales, so the children can safely confront their darkest fears
Jennifer Jareau: Maybe my mom was right

Jennifer Jareau: [opening quote] "Deep vengeance is the daughter of deep silence" - Vittorio Alfieri


"Criminal Minds: Epilogue (#7.6)" (2011)
Emily Prentiss: [looking at Hotch and Garcia] I so don't miss that face.
Jennifer Jareau: No matter how many cases we solve, there's always more.
Emily Prentiss: Insert Dr. Reid's statistic about active serial killers at any given time here. Reid?
Jennifer Jareau: Spencer...
Dr. Spencer Reid: There's something wrong.
Emily Prentiss: Why do you say that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's been reading the same page for 16 minutes and 24 seconds.
Emily Prentiss: Maybe, it's a really good article.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's never taken him longer than 11 minutes 17 seconds to turn a page.
Emily Prentiss: You time how long it...
[seeing JJ's nod]
Emily Prentiss: What's your theory?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm extrapolating probabilities as we speak.

Jennifer Jareau: Now, that I noticed.
Derek Morgan: Is something going on?
Emily Prentiss: How did it go the other night?
Derek Morgan: What happened the other night?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You okay?
David Rossi: Well, why wouldn't I be?
Jennifer Jareau: You seem distracted.
David Rossi: I'm considering a purchase.
Derek Morgan: Come on, now, Rossi, you know we're not buying that. What's really going on?
David Rossi: Look, it was a late night with Ringo and not enough coffee. I mean, the guy's a world-class drummer, but don't think I didn't wipe the floor with him in Rock Band.
Jennifer Jareau: All right, what do you think?
Emily Prentiss: He could be telling the truth. I only played him to the easy level.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I can't tell.
David Rossi: And you never will.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Let's get started.

Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm a man of science. I didn't know how to deal with it. There's no quantifiable proof that God exists, and yet, in that moment I was faced with something that I couldn't explain. I still can't.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: What if this UnSub has had a similar experience and this is his way of looking for answers?
David Rossi: If that's the case, why kill Jake Shepherd? Why not just talk to him?
Emily Prentiss: He wanted to see if he had the same experience as before.
Jennifer Jareau: Once isn't enough?
Emily Prentiss: Not if Jake didn't see the same thing the UnSub did. He wants to know if the experience can change. I can relate to that. Reid felt a warmth and saw a light. When I coded in the ambulance, all I felt was cold and darkness. And I would like to think that there's a different future waiting for me.
Dr. Spencer Reid: You actually died?
Derek Morgan: All right, but resuscitation is hit or miss. He can't guarantee that he can actually bring anyone back, let alone that anyone will remember what happened in their moment of so-called death.
David Rossi: Reid, what's the best way to make sure his victims had an experience?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Keep them dead longer.


"Criminal Minds: Amplification (#4.24)" (2009)
Jennifer Jareau: Last night, twenty-five people checked into emergency rooms in and around Annapolis. They were all at the same park after 2 p.m. yesterday. Within ten hours, the first victim died. It's now just past 7 a.m. the next day. We have twelve dead.
Derek Morgan: Lung failure and black lesions. Anthrax?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Anthrax doesn't kill this fast.
Dr. Linda Kimura: This strain does.
Emily Prentiss: What are we doing about potential mass targets - airports, malls, trains?
Aaron Hotchner: There's a media blackout.
Emily Prentiss: We're not telling the public?
Derek Morgan: We'd have a mass exodus.
David Rossi: The psychology of group panic would cause more deaths than this last attack.

Jennifer Jareau: I don't know how to do this. I can't stop thinking about Henry. He goes for a walk almost every single day at Potomac Park. What type of mother am I if I don't at least call and tell him to stay home?
Aaron Hotchner: JJ, we can't
Jennifer Jareau: I know, but... how do I not?
Aaron Hotchner: I understand that you want to protect your son. But if we all called home and use this information to give us an advantage that other people don't have... is that the right thing to do?

Penelope Garcia: I'm not good at this part. Every time you guys go away, I... I know you're in all kinds of ginormous danger and all I can do is sit here in my bubble and I hope and pray and I wish my babies to come back to me
[sighs]
Penelope Garcia: I try to stay positive, but... I don't know how to do this
Jennifer Jareau: If you could do anything to keep your family safe, even if it meant breaking procedure, would you?
Penelope Garcia: Yes! What procedure?
Jennifer Jareau: Never mind


"Criminal Minds: Route 66 (#9.5)" (2013)
David Rossi: As you all know, Eddie Lee Wilcox is armed and dangerous.
Jennifer Jareau: He's also smart and criminally sophisticated. He knows police procedure and how to use it.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He's flush with cash from his robbery in Chicago, but he'll try to maintain a low profile, so he may resort to his robbery skills at some point.
Derek Morgan: Eddie's a car thief. And he's a good one, so he'll switch vehicles often.
Jennifer Jareau: He was last seen in a Chevy minivan, but we do not count on him being in it for long.
Derek Morgan: So canvass crowded parking lots and malls. That's most likely where he'll ditch cars and find new ones.
David Rossi: We've been calling this a child abduction, but Eddie's daughter Samantha may actually be an unwitting participant.
Alex Blake: We know she wanted to run away from home, and her father's somehow taking advantage of that.
Derek Morgan: This guy's evolved into a sociopathic spree killer, and he's got the ego of a career criminal, so there's no telling how far he'll go to save himself.
David Rossi: That ego may be feeding a sort of pipe dream that if he does escape, he may actually get to have a healthy relationship with his daughter.
Jennifer Jareau: A relationship he believes was taken from him.
Alex Blake: But when reality sets in, his dream will be shattered and that's when Samantha will be in the most danger.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The majority of these cases end in either murder-suicide or suicide by cop.
Jennifer Jareau: Up to this point, we've been reacting to him, but the roadblocks and the media blitz are set up to make him react to us.
Derek Morgan: So if you spot him, call for backup and proceed with extreme caution. He's probably sleep deprived and irrational.
David Rossi: The closer we get, the more dangerous he becomes.

Jennifer Jareau: I lost someone, too, once. Same way you did.
Eddie Lee Wilcox: Don't talk like you know me. You don't know me.
Jennifer Jareau: My sister. When I was eleven, she, uh... cut her wrists with one of my dad's razor blades. Found her in the bathtub the next morning.
Eddie Lee Wilcox: Shut up!
Jennifer Jareau: Don't make Samantha feel the same way we did. It will change her forever, the same way it did us.

Jennifer Jareau: Bleeding internally from what?
David Rossi: They think it's probably all the scar tissue.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Torn adhesions from his stab wounds.
Derek Morgan: George Foyet returns from the grave.
Alex Blake: What's the prognosis?
David Rossi: He's stable right now. They did an ultrasound, but they can't seem to see exactly where the bleeding was coming from.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He'll need an exploratory laparotomy.
Jennifer Jareau: Does Jack know?
David Rossi: Not yet. We talked to Haley's sister Jessica. We didn't want to worry the little guy.
Alex Blake: And what about Beth?
David Rossi: I left a message, but she's on a business trip in Milan. Look, I know you're all worried; so am I, but a teenage girl's been abducted, and Hotch would want us to focus on the case, not on him, and that's exactly what we're gonna do. When the plane lands, Morgan, JJ, I want you to interview Samantha Wilcox's mother. Reid, Blake, you go check out the abduction site. I'm catching the next flight to Wichita and I'll meet you there.
Alex Blake: What about Hotch?
David Rossi: Garcia's here. She's not going anywhere. Now let's go find this girl.


"Criminal Minds: Carbon Copy (#8.16)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: Uh, uh. I think Blake could take her. What do you think?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Mm, their body language hardly seems adversarial. Blake's making direct eye contact, and the tilt of her head suggests she's willingly engaged in conversation.
Jennifer Jareau: Didn't Strauss throw her under the bus back in the day?
Dr. Spencer Reid: It was on the Amerithrax case about 10 years ago. Evidently they apprehended the wrong suspect and she let Blake take the fall.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, I heard they even demoted her a couple grades.

Donny Bidwell: Fifteen years! Fifteen years and not a peep from the FBI! No letter, no email, no "Sorry we turned your life upside down, Donnie." Nothing!
Alex Blake: Well, it must feel real good to release it after all these years.
Donny Bidwell: You're damn right. Those nurses that I bled out, this time they're your fault. You people made me into this.
Jennifer Jareau: All right, so that is why you followed us across the country and copycat these? You wanted us to look as bad as you did. I mean, it's just an awful lot of work, Donnie. We have New Mexico, Dallas, D.C.
Donny Bidwell: What are those? What are you talking about?
Alex Blake: We found your photo collection, the one hidden under your bed, and your victim's eyelids, too.
Donny Bidwell: What?
Jennifer Jareau: Just cooperate with us, Donnie, tell us everything, and give yourself a chance to see your girls again.
Donny Bidwell: I want my lawyer. And a phone call. I get a phone call.

Jennifer Jareau: Do you really think they'll replace us?
David Rossi: Sounds like you'd have to kill Straus first, and I doubt if that's as easy as it sounds


"Criminal Minds: Retaliation (#5.11)" (2009)
Jennifer Jareau: How are you?
Emily Prentiss: I feel like I got hit by a truck.

Jennifer Jareau: There's been an accident. Emily's in the hospital, Bunting's dead.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Is she all right?
Jennifer Jareau: She has a concussion.
Aaron Hotchner: Is Morgan with her?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah.
David Rossi: Where's Shrader?
Jennifer Jareau: Northbound in a truck.
David Rossi: A truck?
Jennifer Jareau: He has a partner.
David Rossi: What?
Aaron Hotchner: We need roadblocks, now.
David Rossi: Do we have a tag?
Jennifer Jareau: Uh, Emily remembered a partial.
David Rossi: Better than nothing.

Aaron Hotchner: Any word on Emily?
Jennifer Jareau: Apparently she's arguing with the doctors


"Criminal Minds: Boxed In (#10.5)" (2014)
Aaron Hotchner: [On phone] No, Jess, let him have fun. Just tell him congratulations, I am sorry I missed it and I'll see him as soon as I can. Okay, thanks, bye
[hangs up]
Aaron Hotchner: . Jack won best costume's at school.
Jennifer Jareau: Nice! What was he?
Aaron Hotchner: Darth Vader
Jennifer Jareau: Yes!
Aaron Hotchner: Henry?
Jennifer Jareau: Oh, all Spiderman all day. He told me we should be using web shooters at the FBI
Aaron Hotchner: Yes, we absolutely should!

Jennifer Jareau: Nobody saw anything.
David Rossi: Even if they did, it's Halloween, could be in costume, we could be looking for SpongeBob for all we know

Jennifer Jareau: [closing quote] "Always kiss your children good night, even if they are already asleep" - H.Jackson Brown, Jr.


"Criminal Minds: Snake Eyes (#7.13)" (2012)
David Rossi: I can't imagine why not. We're only asking for fifty thousand bucks of taxpayer money so that FBI agents can play Texas Hold 'Em.
Emily Prentiss: Hey, what about you?
David Rossi: What about me what?
Emily Prentiss: You could stake us the buy-in.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, you're a best-selling author.
David Rossi: No!
Emily Prentiss: Why not?
David Rossi: One, it's against regulations, and I'd like to hold onto this job for a little while longer.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's a minor administrative violation.
David Rossi: And two, I prefer to spend my money on actual things, like single-malt Scotch, a fine cigar, beautiful artwork.
Emily Prentiss: Poker chips are things.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe just think of it as, like, a new experience. I mean, at your age, how often does that happen?
David Rossi: At my *what*?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Rossi, this may be our only chance to get this guy.
David Rossi: All right, fine. I'm a decent poker player, but I can't promise that I can stay in the game long enough to...
Emily Prentiss: You know what? I bet you're a great poker player, but what if we sent in Reid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I am banned from casinos in Las Vegas, Laughlin, and Pahrump because of my card-counting ability.
David Rossi: Look, I know I'm not a genius like the boy wonder here, but poker is not blackjack. It's about bluffing, reading human nature, head games. It's not math.
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's not entirely accurate. There actually is a mathematical equation for knowing when to raise and when to fold. If "P" represents the size of the pot at the time of play, than P x N - 1, with "N" representing the estimated number of players at the final round of betting...
David Rossi: Okay, fine. I surrender. Just try not to lose all of my money?

Penelope Garcia: [picks up a phone] If this is a sales call on a Sunday morning...
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Settle. It's me, JJ. I tried your cell. Listen, something's come up. You need to get down to the office pronto.
Penelope Garcia: Oh, you are kidding.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I know. I wish psychopathic killers would be a little more respectful of our weekends, too. But what are you gonna do? Is everything okay?
Penelope Garcia: No. Kevin and I got in a fight last night, and to self-soothe, I drank a lot of wine. And, JJ, you know I can't drink wine. Why did I drink so much wine?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You'll be fine.
Penelope Garcia: No, I don't know. 'Cause right now, everything is blurring. Oh, my God. My hair hurts. How is that possible? He's coming out of the shower. I hate confrontation. It was such a fight. I hate confrontation.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Then don't confront. Just kiss, make up, and get your butt over here.
Penelope Garcia: [ding-dong] What is this, Grand Central Station?
[knock, knock]
Penelope Garcia: Oh, God.
[opens the door]
Penelope Garcia: Kevin.
Kevin Lynch: I am so sorry about last night. I should not have stormed out like that.
Penelope Garcia: You stormed out?
Kevin Lynch: Yeah.
Penelope Garcia: You stormed out all last night?
Kevin Lynch: Yeah. What's...
[Garcia closes the door and finds Morgan]
Derek Morgan: Hey. You see we gotta go in, right?
Penelope Garcia: Yes. Yes. JJ just called me, too. Let's go. My things. This is mine and this is mine and this is yours. This is mine. See you there.
[opens the door, to Kevin]
Penelope Garcia: Hey, let's go.

Penelope Garcia: [Rushes in late] Sorry, sorry
[meeting goes on]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Whispers] How's the head?
Penelope Garcia: [Whispers back] Not all the aspirins in all the pharmacies...


"Criminal Minds: The Road Home (#9.13)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: The victim at the gas station wasn't just shot; the body showed signs of have been run over several times by a large vehicle
Alex Blake: That's one way to put the over in overkill!

Dr. Spencer Reid: You've plans tonight?
Jennifer Jareau: Eh, does sleep count as a plan?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I am going to a Korean film festival in Georgetown. You can come with me if you want. A lot of the entries probably aren't subtitled yet, but I can do a simultaneous whisper translation while we watch.
Jennifer Jareau: Sounds fun, but I am really tired.
[Reid answers in Korean something like: That's fine, no problem]

Jennifer Jareau: [talking to the phone] I don't know, Cruz. We could be here another day or two. Look, just send me a secure contact number and I'll get back...
[sees Hotch and Reid coming]
Jennifer Jareau: Okay, yeah. Well, you tell him Mommy misses him. Talk to you soon.


"Criminal Minds: Lessons Learned (#2.10)" (2006)
Jennifer Jareau: That's not the transcript, it's...
Emily Prentiss: It's in Arabic. "Our friends surprised us and eloped. We can no longer wait for the wedding as planned. We can deliver our gift at the next crescent"
[Others all looked very surprised]
Emily Prentiss: I lived in several Middle Eastern countries growing up

Jennifer Jareau: What the hack is going on here?
Penelope Garcia: The NSA is routing all messages to us for language analysis. You know, rumor has it, much to my chagrin that during national security emergencies our fair country turns all of its satellites homeward and record all electronic traffic in the whole of US of A
Jennifer Jareau: Is this even legal?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, I don't really want to think about that right now

Jennifer Jareau: You know, it should be a lot easier if there is a centralization of all this information
Penelope Garcia: Dream on, JJ! No one wants the other kids peeing in their sandbox!


"Criminal Minds: Birthright (#3.11)" (2007)
Aaron Hotchner: Ever since we had Jack, I always dread it when you bring me a case involving kids.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Why are you telling me this?
Aaron Hotchner: Every case we work, every case we don't work comes across your desk.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah.
Aaron Hotchner: And most of the victims are women. And most of them are about your age. It's okay if you lose it every once in a while. It reminds people that we're human.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [closing quote, voiceover] Wordsworth wrote "A simple child that lightly draws its breath and feels its life in every limb, what should it know of death?"

Dr. Spencer Reid: I remember reading about the case like this in Spotsylvania County, similar marking on the bone.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It was the winter of 1980.


"Criminal Minds: Persuasion (#9.17)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: So we need to start searching these tunnels
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's the tricky part, there are 413 miles of them!

[last lines]
Jennifer Jareau: I'm sorry you didn't get to see your mom.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's okay. I guess now I know what a parent feels like when their kid grows up. Someone who's depended on you for so long and then suddenly they're off living their own life and they don't really need you anymore.
Jennifer Jareau: Except she's the parent, and that's how it should be.
Penelope Garcia: Oh, hi. Welcome back. This came for you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No return address?
Penelope Garcia: No, and it's really heavy. So what's inside it? Yes, that's me being nosy.
[looking Reid opens the box]
Penelope Garcia: That looks like a pile of...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Shale, limestone, and sandstone. It's a sculpture of the Grand Canyon from my mom.
Jennifer Jareau: See? She didn't forget you.
Dr. Spencer Reid: She said she was gonna mail the postcards, but then she decided to send the Grand Canyon instead. Here, listen to this. "You may have to commit me twice, Spencer, because not only I ride a mule on a tiny trail, with a 1,000-foot vertical drop, I paid for the privilege. Now, that's crazy." Can you imagine my mom on a mule?
Jennifer Jareau: No.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's like Hotch at the beach.
[all lough]
Dr. Spencer Reid: "The mules must do this all the time, because they seem very..."


"Criminal Minds: All That Remains (#8.14)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: If losing her mother didn't change everything, I know, losing her sister certainly will.
Alex Blake: I didn't know! How old were you when your sister died?
Jennifer Jareau: 11, she was 17.

Jennifer Jareau: How does a single father lose his teenage daughters for thirty-six hours?
David Rossi: He doesn't.


"Criminal Minds: Elliott's Pond (#12.6)" (2016)
David Rossi: [David Rossi make a speech at Emily's Suprise party] I've been in and out of here since 1978, but I know this is where I belong. I've seen a lot of great agents pass through those doors, and a lot of them have moved on. Now, most of this team has been together for over a decade. But I promise you, that doesn't happen often. Now, I've heard the rumblings about how lucky we are, and it's true, but the truth is, it's what happens... When we're not on a case that has defined who we are. We stand beside one another, through good, through bad, because we're family. So... To Aaron and Jack, I don't know who's luckier, but it warms my heart to know that they'll be together every day and safe.
Jennifer Jareau: Hear, hear.
David Rossi: And to Emily, our friend and new Unit Chief. Welcome home.

Jennifer Jareau: That was a lot to process before my first cup


"Criminal Minds: True Night (#3.10)" (2007)
Dr. Spencer Reid: All these calls were made within the last two days
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Sometimes what an unsub does actually make sense

Derek Morgan: [On the phone] Just leave it alone until I get there! Hey, hey, hardhead! Don't make me spank you when I get back
Dr. Spencer Reid: Don't listen to him, Garcia, he's all talk...
[Derek hits him on the head]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Aah! JJ! He just hit me!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You boys behave or I will ground you both


"Criminal Minds: To Bear Witness (#9.4)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: Look, we really... really shouldn't meet like this.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: I know. But we gotta talk about some things. Want to grab breakfast?
Jennifer Jareau: [pause] Yeah, okay.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: We gotta carbo load after that run.
Jennifer Jareau: Donuts?
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: Of course.

[last lines]
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: You always here this late?
Jennifer Jareau: Pretty much, yeah. Every time your name was mentioned today and every time I didn't say, "Hey, yeah, I know him," I'm lying.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: I know it's not easy. I don't like it either.
Jennifer Jareau: We're surrounded by profilers, Matt. One side glance and they're gonna figure it all out.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: Separating us in the field was smart.
Jennifer Jareau: It was the only way. Look, I... I know why we can't tell them. I get that, but... We can't have too many of these conversations either.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: That case could stay open for a couple years.
Jennifer Jareau: It's already been almost three.
[pause]
Jennifer Jareau: Did you take this position because of me?
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: No, no. Trust me, I walked into the Hoover Building this morning and was told drive out to Quantico immediately. So, someone put this transfer on the fast track.
Jennifer Jareau: State?
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: They wouldn't admit it if they did.
Jennifer Jareau: True.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: This... us... We're good, right?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: Okay. You want to meet at the Air and Space in the morning? Run some sprints?
Jennifer Jareau: I'm going to make breakfast for my boys.
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: Great plan.
David Rossi: [walks to them and pushes the elevator button] Going home?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah.
David Rossi: Cruz?
Section Chief Mateo Cruz: I've got some work to do. Good night.
Jennifer Jareau: Good night.
David Rossi: Good night.
[getting in the elevator after JJ]
David Rossi: You good?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah. All good.


"Criminal Minds: Zugzwang (#8.12)" (2013)
Penelope Garcia: Okay, I'm sharing something I haven't told anyone. Every time we have a stalker case, I think Rosanna Arquette.
Jennifer Jareau: The whole Arquette family to choose from and you go with Rosanna
Penelope Garcia: Of course I go for Rosanna, because Rosanna Arquette was the inspiration for two seminal songs of my childhood: 'Rosanna' by Toto, obviously, and 'In Your Eyes' by Peter Gabriel. Which gives one pause to think of the myriad of ways of man can be obsessed by a woman and what is she doing in bed to inspire that kind of obsession? And can she teach us, because I want to know...
Jennifer Jareau: [Looking at a picture] Wow!

Jennifer Jareau: [Calling] Garcia?
Penelope Garcia: What have you got, mama Grizzly?


"Criminal Minds: Paradise (#4.4)" (2008)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Three nights ago outside of Reno, this car was hit by a tractor trailer.
Derek Morgan: Any survivors?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: The truck driver walked away unharmed. Jonathan and Rebecca Gallen, the passengers in the car, were DOA. When the local sheriff arrived on the scene, he noticed several things - no blood spatter inside the car, no seat belt burns, no lacerations from the air bags.
Dr. Spencer Reid: They were dead before the accident.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: The autopsy report confirmed that, and the cause of death. Blunt force head trauma and evidence of rape and torture to the woman.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Well, the unsub wasn't very successful at hiding the fact that he murdered two people.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What is this? Left over Kung Pao Chickens? That's disgusting!
Sheriff Bruner: Uhm
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What?
Sheriff Bruner: The smell of Chinese food makes you sick, but you don't even flinch when you look at those pictures
Dr. Spencer Reid: She's pretty tough


"Criminal Minds: Bully (#9.11)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: [looking at crime scene pictures] Hm, looks brutal!
David Rossi: Classic overkill
Dr. Spencer Reid: Stripped and wearing women's underwear that, I am assuming, weren't his
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, all of his clothes where found nearby, his skivvies included

Jennifer Jareau: Everybody's grieves in their own way. You can't be mad at her for going internal.
Derek Morgan: I'm not mad at all, I just... thought she might say something.


"Criminal Minds: Distress (#2.17)" (2007)
Jennifer Jareau: Just three dead man and no witnesses
Aaron Hotchner: We're looking for a homicidal serial criminal in a neighborhood populated by criminals. The challenge will be separating him from the rest
Dr. Spencer Reid: Here we have no evidence, no apparent interaction between the unsub and the victims, pre or post mortem and an indistinguishable M.O. Should be simple!

Aaron Hotchner: What's that?
Jennifer Jareau: One of the detective's wives made us cookies
Emily Prentiss: Wow, homemade cookies?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, I guess that's what they mean by southern hospitality


"Criminal Minds: The Tribe (#1.16)" (2006)
Jennifer Jareau: Terra Mesa, New Mexico. Five dead, all from Mesa University. No signs of sexual assault, and no sign of theft.
Derek Morgan: Five nineteen-year-olds, minimal defensive wounds. One of them was impaled on a six-foot wooden pole.
Elle Greenaway: Who'd want to torture five college freshmen?
Derek Morgan: They weren't tied up and no one escaped?
Dr. Spencer Reid: No single unsub could've exerted this much control over so many people.
Elle Greenaway: So you think there were was more than two.
Jason Gideon: I think we're looking at a pack.
Jennifer Jareau: A pack?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Three or more that kill in unison. As in nature, the group dynamic dictates the pack's survival is dependent on their ability to hunt successfully.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: And as in nature, a pack will keep on killing until it runs out of prey or is stopped.
Elle Greenaway: Stopped by what?
Jason Gideon: A stronger pack.

Penelope Garcia: [seeing Sean leave Hotch's office] Here he comes.
Jennifer Jareau: That's Hotch's brother?
Penelope Garcia: Uh-huh.
Jennifer Jareau: I don't see it.
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Sean, listen to me. All I'm saying is you're twenty-five years old.
Sean Hotchner: You know what? Don't profile me, Aaron.
Jennifer Jareau: [as Sean leaves] Now I see it.


"Criminal Minds: Entropy (#11.11)" (2016)
Jennifer Jareau: Welcome to the locker room
David Rossi: I hate the locker room!

Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm going to pretend to be a husband who wants his pregnant wife dead
Jennifer Jareau: Well, I'd want to kill you if you told me that


"Criminal Minds: The Black Queen (#9.12)" (2014)
Alex Blake: Hackers have signatures?
Penelope Garcia: Sometimes. Usually it's a message in the code to let other pros know, "Hey, this one was me." And in this case, the signature matches the DOJ hack, and it is, "Happy Fun Meow Meow."
Jennifer Jareau: Sorry, what?
Penelope Garcia: "Happy Fun Meow Meow."
David Rossi: What the hell does that mean?
Aaron Hotchner: It was Garcia's signature before she joined the BAU.

Aaron Hotchner: There's something else we need to discuss. When we got the files back from the Star Chamber, we noticed a detail about the strangulations we hadn't seen before.
Jennifer Jareau: What we noticed about the killer is when he was choking out these women, their hair... their hair would collect around their throats, like this. And he would grip it so tight... he would rip the hair out by the roots... So, we realized the old killer's signature that the new killer didn't copy... was hair.
[Russell breaks the prayer beads bound with hair]
Jennifer Jareau: Your partner on the outside fed that to you, and every time you got a lock of your victim's hair, it was a promise that your plan was still in motion ,and that he'd get you off. Well, instead, the two of you are going to die in here together.
Aaron Hotchner: [puts the hair into the evidence bag] Let me explain to you what's going to happen. We're gonna go to the Governor and he's going to halt your execution and withdraw the charges for the first murders. And then we're going to retry you for the other four murders.
Sam Russell: That's mine. You gotta... Give it back.
[shouts]
Sam Russell: Give it back! Stop! It's mine!


"Criminal Minds: The Gathering (#8.17)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: Okay, it takes a lot of strength to rip out someone's tongue. It's one of the strongest muscles in the body.
Aaron Hotchner: The M.E. is still trying to determine whether it was done ante or postmortem.
Dr. Spencer Reid: According to Chinese mythology, one of the most dreadful punishments in the 18 levels of hell involves having one's tongue ripped out. It's considered to be one of the most horrific forms of torture.
Alex Blake: It's also symbolic, used to punish liars and anti-regime activists.

Jennifer Jareau: Peter, I know he betrayed your trust. Just put the knife down and we can talk about this.
Peter Harper: You don't know what it's like... the thoughts and the images that won't go away. This is my only option.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Peter, that's not true. Listen, I know exactly what it's like. Right now is the part where I'm supposed to lie to you, tell you that everything's gonna be okay and that we can somehow help you, but the fact of the matter is, Peter, I don't know if we can. There might not be any form of therapy that ever takes these urges away.
Jennifer Jareau: Spence, what are you doing?
Dr. Spencer Reid: But that doesn't mean you stop trying. Peter, no matter what happens, you have to keep trying. I know it's not what you want to hear, but at least it's the truth.
Peter Harper: I appreciate your honesty.
[cuts his throat]


"Criminal Minds: Secrets and Lies (#1.21)" (2006)
Penelope Garcia: If I may ask, sir, I don't know your name
Jennifer Jareau: Nathan
Penelope Garcia: The thing I don't get is our team is there. Why can't we go to Langly? Do I look like a thread to national security to you? Seriously?
Agent #1: Your name is on a list
Penelope Garcia: A list? What list? I work for the FBI! You're telling me I am on a list this is I can't go to the CIA?
Agent #1: Your name is on a list
Jennifer Jareau: Eh, Garcia?
[while Nathan grants CIA computer access, Garcia and JJ whisper behind Nathan's back]
Penelope Garcia: You do know what this means?
Jennifer Jareau: What?
Penelope Garcia: I will be able to find out whether Princess Diane's death was really an accident
Jennifer Jareau: I think that's exactly the kind of thing that got you on the list!

Jennifer Jareau: What do you suppose this is all about?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Call me cynical, but considering it's 2 AM I doubt it's good news!
Jennifer Jareau: You are a genius


"Criminal Minds: A Thin Line (#7.15)" (2012)
Aaron Hotchner: We believe we're looking for a white male in his late 20s to early 30s.
Deputy: Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry, I thought we were looking at black gangbangers.
Derek Morgan: The unsub has been staging the crime scenes to make it look like black gangs and undocumented immigrants were responsible.
Deputy: Why would anyone do that?
Jennifer Jareau: We think he's trying to create some sort of racial conflict.
Dr. Spencer Reid: In 1969, Charles Manson orchestrated the Tate-LaBianca murders, in the hopes of creating a race war between the blacks and whites that he referred to as "Helter Skelter".
David Rossi: A name he stole from a Beatles song.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Members of the Manson family left watermelon rinds at the scene of the crime and also painted panther paws on the wall in blood in the hopes of convincing authorities that the Black Panther Party was responsible.
Aaron Hotchner: Hate groups like the Aryan Nation believe that race war is not only inevitable, but necessary.
Emily Prentiss: Our unsub may be a member of one of these groups. Aryan gangs have a strong presence in prison, so he may be an ex-con, or even possibly related to a convict.
David Rossi: We think he may also be some kind of zealot. He believes his war is already being fought, and these murders are a mission to him.
Jennifer Jareau: And like a solider, he is willing to put himself in harm's way.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The unsub may also be vulnerable somehow. Weak-minded or even lonely. His cause gives him a sense of power and belonging.
Derek Morgan: He's physically fit enough to move dead bodies, so he's probably young.
David Rossi: But not so young as to be impulsive. These attacks took planning and focus, so he's disciplined.
Dr. Spencer Reid: He uses Oxycodone to drug his unwilling partners. But he does so without killing them, which means he's knowledgeable about dosages.
Emily Prentiss: And Oxy is expensive, so look at medical care professionals and caregivers, anyone with access to to prescription drugs.
Aaron Hotchner: This unsub is dedicated and driven. Makes him especially dangerous. Surrender's not likely part of his strategy.

Penelope Garcia: San Bernadino, California. Two home invasions in less than a week, only a block apart. Exact same M.O. Both houses were burgled, power and phone lines cut, and they broke in through a back window.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And in each case, the entire family was shot and killed?
Penelope Garcia: Yes, that is right. I present to you the Mitchells and the Lewis families.
David Rossi: They took out the power and phones to isolate them. Their alarm systems wouldn't work and they can't call for help.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Most modern alarm systems have a backup generator and a cell phone connection to the security company.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, but the Mitchells had an older system, and the Lewises were behind on their account, so it was inactive.
Jennifer Jareau: An assailant was killed in each case?
Penelope Garcia: Affirmative, but the sheriff hasn't IDed them yet.
Emily Prentiss: So both families were armed and fought back and shot one of their attackers.
Derek Morgan: Is that a coincidence or a connection?
Aaron Hotchner: What concerns me is the frequency of the kills.
Jennifer Jareau: Only four days apart.
Aaron Hotchner: All right. It's a long flight. We'd better get going. Wheels up in thirty.


"Criminal Minds: In Heat (#3.17)" (2008)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [opening quote, voiceover] "There are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses." - George Bernard Shaw.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [closing quote, voiceover] "If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find." - John Churton Collins.


"Criminal Minds: The Boogeyman (#2.6)" (2006)
Derek Morgan: So, why the woods, JJ?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Hmmm?
Derek Morgan: Your fear, you said it was of the woods.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Err, I used to be a camp counselor when I was a teenager, in the woods up around Vermont. I had the night shift, you know, tuck the girls in, turn off the lights, you know, the typical drill. Everything seemed fine. The kids were asleep, you know, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Until... I noticed that there was some blood, on the hallway floor. So I followed the blood trail down the hall to the camp director's cabin, walked up to his bed, and... he was just lying there, under his covers, dead. Someone stabbed him. I ran out of there so fast, out the door, down the hall. I can just remember it being really dark. Once I got to the door, there was another counselor; I guess she heard me scream. They caught the caretaker on his way in to town. I guess he still had the knife on him. Anyway, I guess that's probably when I decided I didn't like the woods.
Derek Morgan: You're serious?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: [sips coffee looking serious and pauses] No!
[shakes head]
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: I mean you fell for that?
[they laugh]
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Come on! I don't know why I'm afraid of the woods! I am. Why is he still afraid of the dark?
Derek Morgan: Yeah, Reid why are you still afraid of the dark?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Because of the inherent absence of light!
[they laugh]

Dr. Spencer Reid: Elle was cleared?
Derek Morgan: It was self defense
Dr. Spencer Reid: So it was a good shoot?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Well, she hit what she was aiming for
Dr. Spencer Reid: That's not what I meant
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: I know!


"Criminal Minds: House on Fire (#4.19)" (2009)
David Rossi: [about a serial arsonist] Whoever set these went from no victims to thirty-one in less than two weeks. That's a hell of an escalation.
Emily Prentiss: Why didn't they call us in sooner?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: The local police and fire department knew they were dealing with an arsonist, but they had no idea he'd become a killer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Most arsonists don't. They just like setting fires; any deaths that occur are almost always accidental.
Derek Morgan: Thirty-one victims is not an accident.
Aaron Hotchner: Police chief knows he made a mistake. And he learned the hard way that even though not all arsonists are killers, they do have one thing in common: once they start, they can't stop.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Dr. Rawlings, when I spoke to the police chief, he said that you know everyone in Royal.
Dr Rawlings: Well, pretty much. I grew up here. I inherited my father's practice. I delivered eleven of those people lying in there.


"Criminal Minds: A Higher Power (#3.15)" (2008)
Derek Morgan: Hotch would never have taken this case. And I say "case" in the loosest sense.
David Rossi: Profile the facts as they are without bias. Isn't that what we do?
Derek Morgan: What facts, Rossi? Look at us. We don't have a single file.
David Rossi: Okay, let me help you out. Jump right in anytime. Fact one - there are no files, so it seems no case.
Emily Prentiss: But what if there is?
Dr. Spencer Reid: One fire, fourteen deaths, five suicides.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: All the suicides are connected to the original fire.
Emily Prentiss: And all exactly two weeks apart.
David Rossi: Come on, Derek, you can't tell me that doesn't feel a lot like a pattern.
Emily Prentiss: And a timeline.
David Rossi: Right?
Derek Morgan: A lot of people lost their kids in that fire. That's a whole world of grief, and for a few... suicide's their only way out.
David Rossi: Or someone decided it was.
Derek Morgan: And made it look this way?
David Rossi: What if they have?
Derek Morgan: Then we're looking for one very smart unsub.

Dr. Spencer Reid: *I'm sorry. I let you down. Please forgive me I disappoint you, and so on.* But the handwriting, the forensic analysis's saying exactly opposite.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What do you mean?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hmm, you see the handwriting slants uphill, it's clear sign of optimism. Same does the spacing so consistent. And this long T-bars, those indicate an enthusiastic person.


"Criminal Minds: Unknown Subject (#7.12)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: Evanescence, Linkin Park, and Nickelback.
Derek Morgan: So Herman Scobie's into that nu-metal goth stuff.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, and his tramp stamp probably spells out *Massengill*. This guy doesn't ever have any Rage Against The Machine. I rock.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How old were you when you started listening to that band?
Jennifer Jareau: I was probably a teenager. Why?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, 14 is when we start to make our own musical choices. Our cognitive development evolves at that age and we start to form our own cultural identity.
Derek Morgan: We stop listening to the music that our parents put on and we start listening to the music that our friends listen to.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And those musical experiences imprint on us. Our hormonal surges as teenagers may make the choices seem more personal and passionate. And later on in life we might experiment with other musical selections, but no music ever impacts us as much as that which we listen to at age 14.
Jennifer Jareau: Herman Scobie's what, 30?
Derek Morgan: If that.
Jennifer Jareau: Okay, so mid to late '90s is when he started to take music seriously, stuff like this.
Derek Morgan: And the Piano Man's songs were all early '80s.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Which means the signature doesn't fit. Herman Scobie's too young to be the Piano Man.

Jennifer Jareau: They wake up with no memory of the assault or how they got the permanent scar the wire leaves.
Emily Prentiss: So he's branding his victims. How does he dose them?
Penelope Garcia: Houston PD still isn't sure. 'Cause, you know, date rape drugs metabolize quickly, and he's keeping them for twelve hours.
Derek Morgan: So why are they calling us in now?
Penelope Garcia: 'Cause with these most recent attacks, this piece of work has elevated sick and twisted to a whole new dimension.


"Criminal Minds: A Badge and a Gun (#11.15)" (2016)
Jennifer Jareau: [closing quote] "You see what power is: holding someone else's fear in our hand and showing it to them" - Amy Tan

David Rossi: Garcia, we need you to track all the cell phones for all the male agents of the Bureau over the past week
Penelope Garcia: Whoa, that is a lot of testosterone. Okay, there are 13,421 special agents, around 11 thousand of those are male. Why are you asking... Oh, come on! Really? The good guys are supposed to be good
Jennifer Jareau: Okay, crosscheck the locations of those male agents against the crime scene coordinates
Penelope Garcia: [sighs] crosschecking as we speak, and not so secretly hoping I do not get a match


"Criminal Minds: The Silencer (#8.1)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: So how does eight years locked up change someone?
David Rossi: It takes away their voice.
Jennifer Jareau: Doesn't take away their rage, it only makes it worse.

David Rossi: [team comes back in the office] Don't tell me there's another one.
Erin Strauss: There's always another one.
David Rossi: I told you we should have just gotten into our cars.
Jennifer Jareau: Where are we off to now?
Erin Strauss: Home. You need to spend at least one night in your own beds.
David Rossi: You don't have to tell me twice.


"Criminal Minds: Exit Wounds (#5.21)" (2010)
Emily Prentiss: [while walking through D.C] JJ that's not the point!
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [scoffs] Well are you gonna call him?
Emily Prentiss: Maybe.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [groans/while laughing] Emily!
Emily Prentiss: Mick Rawson is an arrogant, uh oversexed, egotistical...
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Hot British dude with a sexy accent, badge and gun. Just your type.
Emily Prentiss: [scoffs]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [as Garcia walks towards them] Alright, you know what? I don't even get you sometimes.
Emily Prentiss: It wouldn't go anywhere.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You don't know that.
Emily Prentiss: I know our *work* schedules.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Okay, you know what, Will and I make it work.
[sees Garcia coming, carrying a ton of shopping bags]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Oh no.
Emily Prentiss: [laughs]
Penelope Garcia: I know, I know, I know, I know. Don't say it. But when you see what's in here, and - and it's not my fault. They were calling to me, I swear. And they were all on sale, so if you think about it that means I am helping the economy which is more than I can say for you guys... 'cause no one else has bags.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah, please tell me all of those aren't for my son.
Penelope Garcia: They're not.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Good.
Penelope Garcia: [holds up a tiny bag] This one is for Kevin.
[Prentiss laughs]
Penelope Garcia: What it is my duty as a fairy godmother to *spoil* the child. And Henry is finally old enough to be fun while opening presents. I am not taking them back! Give me my coffee and no one's gonna get hurt.

Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Let's get started
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: All right, Anchorage Field Office has asked us to investigate a series of murders in Franklin, Alaska. There's three people dead in less than a week
Dr. Spencer Reid: For a town with a population of 1,476 that's fairly significant
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's their first murder investigation on record


"Criminal Minds: #6 (#8.22)" (2013)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Up until now, he's been an equal opportunity, anger retaliatory sadist.
David Rossi: Which is fancy talk for he hates the husbands as much as the wives.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Most likely because his own marriage failed in a humiliating way, and his wife left him for a man she may be engaged or even already married to.
Derek Morgan: But a major shift happened with Mary Hammond. He wasn't able to kidnap the husband, but he needed someone to cut her.
Jennifer Jareau: So his MO was forced to evolve. We believe he's abducted the sixth victim, a man, probably someone who reminds him of his own failed marriage.
Alex Blake: And he's keeping number six alive so he can repeat the process with Emma Churchill.
David Rossi: Number six could be a surrogate for the ex-wife's new husband or actually be the new husband.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Which is why the fastest way to find this UnSub is through this most recent unknown victim.

Phillip Connor: Maya.
Maya Connor: Oh, God. Phillip, what did you do?
Phillip Connor: Maya, Maya. You came.
Jennifer Jareau: Maya, is there something you want to say to your husband?
Maya Connor: I'm willing to talk. But only if you let her go.
Emma Churchill: Oh, God.
Phillip Connor: Okay.
[lets Emma go]
Maya Connor: Don't make me look at him again!
Phillip Connor: Wait. No. Maya, wait. Maya! Maya! I love you!


"Criminal Minds: Conflicted (#4.20)" (2009)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: National media's picked up on the story. We're gonna need to make a statement when we land.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: We want to make people aware without obviously causing panic.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Stress hyper-vigilance, the whole buddy system. Yeah, I'm all over it. I just don't think anyone's gonna listen.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What do you mean?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Come on, drunk college students don't exactly want to hear they shouldn't talk to strangers.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Right.
[goes to sit]
Emily Prentiss: [to Garcia on the webcam] Was there any DNA left on the scene?
Penelope Garcia: Uh, yeah. Too *much* DNA. This portion of The Garcia Show will be brought to you by the letter "I" for icky. The lab has recovered over a hundred different trace samples as multiple guests create a cesspool of DNA. Also, there is no way to determine the exact time of "secretion" or to eliminate anyone actually working at the hotel.

Derek Morgan: Where are we?
David Rossi: Honestly? Nowhere. We just watched our two most viable suspects walk out the door.
Emily Prentiss: If Adam isn't our unsub, he has all the makings to become one someday.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Reid?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Tell me the question that he spiked under in the polygraph.
Derek Morgan: It was a control question to set the baseline.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It was a geometric equation?
Derek Morgan: Reid, I really think he was just intimidated. He tried, he got it wrong, but he wasn't supposed to know the answer anyway.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What if he lied? What if... what if he knew the answer to the question but intentionally got it wrong?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Why would he do that?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Because he realized that he wouldn't know that answer.
Derek Morgan: You're losing me, kid.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Adam said he wasn't getting any rest. He takes midday naps because he's always exhausted. He has a history of blackouts, reclusive behavior, prolonged repeated abuse suffered at the hands of a dominant male who transferred abuse from his female spouse to his prepubescent child.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Where are you going with this?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What if our ubsub couple isn't a couple at all?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Dissociative identity disorder.
David Rossi: You think Adam's a multiple personality?
Emily Prentiss: Well, it fits. Recurrent physical abuse, knowledge he shouldn't have. We've seen this before.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Look at this. All right? The-the first intervention is timid. It's apprehensive, right? But then he gets knocked down... there's a moment of calm, and then his entire body language changes. I saw this exact same transformation when Adam left the station, only it wasn't rage, it was, uh... arrogance. Like... like the alter ego wanted me to know.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Why?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't know. Power, control. All I know is the person that stared me down over there was not Adam. He's not assertive like that. He doesn't make eye contact.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So you think the stress of the interrogation blurred the line between Adam and his alter personality?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I think the unsub surfaced for just a moment. It-it-it knew the answer to the question, realized Adam wouldn't, and lied.


"Criminal Minds: Profiling 101 (#7.22)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: Fire-starting is the first part of what we used to call the homicidal triad. The other two parts are bedwetting and cruelty to animals.

Emily Prentiss: This focus on reproductive organs could also indicate a deep-seated sense of self-loathing. He might have hated the fact that he was born.
Jennifer Jareau: Or he had some sort of traumatic life-changing event associated with birth.
Derek Morgan: And he could have hated his own mother. The strained mother/child relationship is a hallmark for many killers.
Diane: That doesn't make any sense. "I hate myself, or I hate my mother, so I kill women by ripping out their wombs"?
David Rossi: It only needs to make sense to him. One man's logic is another man's crazy.


"Criminal Minds: The Inspired (#9.2)" (2013)
Alex Blake: So Mom's been manipulating Jesse from the beginning. To do what?
Aaron Hotchner: To kill Wallace.
Jennifer Jareau: Is she capable of that?
Aaron Hotchner: She's a vindictive narcissist whose entire self-image is wrapped up in being the perfect mother.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Wallace's M.O. The rape, bullet through the heart. He even tried to pose her.
Jennifer Jareau: But he didn't try to force-feed her, which is his signature. And this crime scene?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Organized, skilled. Got in and out without detection.
Jennifer Jareau: Exactly. If Wallace is losing it, he wouldn't be capable of this.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe he re-evolved.
Jennifer Jareau: Or we have a copycat, who's a literal copy.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Jesse? But why start now? Why this victim?


"Criminal Minds: Dorado Falls (#7.3)" (2011)
Carter Tadman: This is highly classified information, Agent Jareau. Can't the BAU do this on their own?
Jennifer Jareau: We could. But your help would speed things up. You're smart enough to see the upside, I'm sure. You help and it goes well, you get your ticket punched. You don't and it goes south, well, the weather's not too bad outside the beltway.
Carter Tadman: [hands over a document file to JJ] It's all in there.

Jennifer Jareau: So, Garcia discovered part of Dolan's military records were encrypted. I just got the complete file from the Pentagon; he wasn't a clerk, he was a Navy SEAL.
David Rossi: Well, let me guess: Adam Werner was, too.
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, Werner was the SEAL team leader, Dolan was his number two. Their unit was part of JSOC; they were involved in over twenty highly classified missions.
David Rossi: Which missions were in 2000?
Jennifer Jareau: Uh... only one, Operation Dorado Falls.
David Rossi: See what you can find out about it.
Jennifer Jareau: Will do.
Aaron Hotchner: That changes the profile.
David Rossi: Definitely.
Jennifer Jareau: How so?
David Rossi: Navy SEALs are screened carefully for vulnerability to PTSD; they're resistant to it.
Jennifer Jareau: Okay, so why would a trained Navy SEAL kill his commanding officer and his own parents?
Aaron Hotchner: I don't know, but it's gonna be a lot harder to find him.
David Rossi: Very few people on this planet are capable of stopping him.


"Criminal Minds: The Last Word (#2.9)" (2006)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: This is the story for tomorrow.
[Hands Morgan the printout of the newspaper with the victim's of the Hollow Man]
Derek Morgan: [Reading from the paper] They were our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends.
Jason Gideon: They have every right to be remembered and memorialized.
Dr. Spencer Reid: They didn't mention the shooter.
Aaron Hotchner: He was a nobody who wanted to be somebody by killing people, and they didn't give him that. Good.

Aaron Hotchner: What can I do for you?
Emily Prentiss: Well, I guess I was hoping you could tell me where to put my stuff
Aaron Hotchner: Sorry?
Emily Prentiss: I'm supposed to start here today, at the BAU
Aaron Hotchner: There's been a mistake
Emily Prentiss: I don't think so, sir
Aaron Hotchner: Yeah, definitely a mistake
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Knocks on the door] Excuse me, we will getting started
Aaron Hotchner: Thank you, I'll be right there. I did not approve this transfer, agent Prentiss. I am sorry for the confusion, but you have been misinformed. Excuse me, very good to see you again


"Criminal Minds: The Fisher King: Part 1 (#1.22)" (2006)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Please don't tell me you have a crush on a fictional character.
Penelope Garcia: He's not fictional. He's the online alter ego of a real person.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: [skeptically] Hmm-hmm. But you don't know anything about him. Or even if he is a "him".
Penelope Garcia: Okay, you know what? I do- look, we meet online at specified times that he is never late to. We spend hours adventuring and chatting, during which time I have his undivided attention, and he lavishes me with flattery.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Wow...
Penelope Garcia: When was the last time you had a date go that well?

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Hey, um, I just got a really strange delivery...
Jason Gideon: Strange as a head in the middle of the night?


"Criminal Minds: Closing Time (#7.14)" (2012)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spencer, I'm fine, I swear. It's just a scratch.
Dr. Spencer Reid: No, no, I count two cuts, three bruises, a black eye, and possibly a fractured rib.
[He turns to the EMT]
Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm not telling you how to do your job, but you should probably consider getting her a CAT scan.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [to the EMT] Ignore him.

Derek Morgan: Look, JJ, all I'm saying is I am never making you angry again. I mean, who knew the Pennsylvania petite could give such an ass-whupping?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Well, I'm just glad my hand-to-hand coach could work his schedule around my state department duties.
Derek Morgan: It's my pleasure. I'm just really grateful it all paid off. You were great out there. I'm proud of you. Well, why don't you get your little butt home? I'm sure Will's waiting on you.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Yeah, well, we did have dinner reservations, but I'm thinking we'll do takeout instead. Thanks, Derek.
Derek Morgan: Yeah.


"Criminal Minds: X (#10.1)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: [closing quote] "Just because everything is different, doesn't mean anything has changed" - Irene Peter

Sandy Cowles: What the hell is it? Some kind of fetish?
Jennifer Jareau: It's called acrotomophilia. It's a sexual arousal related to...
Sandy Cowles: Stop! I don't need to know any more


"Criminal Minds: Outfoxed (#5.8)" (2009)
David Rossi: Hudson, this is Dr. Spencer Reid.
Field Agent Anne Hudson: [shaking Reid's hand] Field agent Anne Hudson. The, uh, father is serving in Iraq. Three nights ago the cops found his family buried over there.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Buried?
Emily Prentiss: Neighbors heard the dog barking, came over, he was scratching at the grave. Lucy, their oldest child, she's still in her swimsuit.
Aaron Hotchner: What does the father know?
Field Agent Anne Hudson: Some of it. He was on patrol. Took his unit a couple of days to reach him. He arrives today.
David Rossi: Last year, the Williams family was killed and found exactly the same way. They lived in Newport News.
Derek Morgan: The father, Dan Williams, was also serving overseas.
Field Agent Anne Hudson: Now the police are overwhelmed and getting serious heat from the military. We need some answers fast.
Jennifer Jareau: As do the media. They're already calling this the work of a serial killer.
Aaron Hotchner: They're right. It is.
Field Agent Anne Hudson: But why bury them? I mean, it can't be to hide the bodies.
David Rossi: It's a sign of remorse.
Derek Morgan: And when they're done being remorseful, this will happen again.

Jennifer Jareau: Geographically, both of them are thousands of miles away from their family. Communication is all they had. Emails, phone calls, letters
Penelope Garcia: But that's military communication. Even between families, it requires a kind of juice I'm not allow to use this
Jennifer Jareau: Come on! You hacked into the FBI database
Penelope Garcia: And they gave me a job. I like my job. I like my life
Jennifer Jareau: All right, I'll make some inquiries
Penelope Garcia: Okay. Do that. Take care


"Criminal Minds: Restoration (#8.18)" (2013)
Jennifer Jareau: That's new.
David Rossi: What do you see?
Derek Morgan: [phone rings] Hey, what's up? You find anything in the array?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, there's some writing on the dumpster.
Derek Morgan: What's it say?
[looks around]
Derek Morgan: Hold on a second.
Alex Blake: They got something?
Jennifer Jareau: Do you see something? Morgan?
David Rossi: Look up to the sky?
Derek Morgan: [finds the writing also] I gotta go.
Alex Blake: Linguistically, it may mean God judges the victim for his sins...
Derek Morgan: That's not it.
Alex Blake: And taken in context, with the pants pulled...
Derek Morgan: Blake, that's not it. Let's go.

Derek Morgan: Carl Buford was an expert at spotting and exploiting vulnerabilities in adolescent boys that he coached at the community center. He had the entire community thinking he was a hero. Parents, teachers, cops. I mean everyone. After my dad died, he locked onto me. And he manipulated me into compliant victimization. Now, you remember how I told you that I got into with that local gangbanger when I was younger? Well, somehow Buford got it all expunged. Now, I didn't understand why a guy who barely knew me would do that. But Buford gave me his time. He taught me how to play football. And then he took me to his cabin on the lake. I was a kid. I was a kid from the south side, I'd never been to a cabin before, much less a lake.
Aaron Hotchner: Morgan... you don't have to do this.
Derek Morgan: They need to know, Hotch. They need to know this guy's M.O. Buford built up my trust, and then he would lower my inhibition with Helgison wine; he called it his Jesus juice. And he would molest me. And every time he would see that dead look in my eye that said I wanted him to stop, he would just say "You better man up, boy. Look up to the sky."
Jennifer Jareau: Did you ever tell anyone about that phrase?
Derek Morgan: No.
David Rossi: We're probably looking at someone Buford abused.
Aaron Hotchner: Victim could harbor a great deal of anger if he didn't deal with his own abuse, and with the right trigger, it could develop into this kind of rage.
Alex Blake: Where's Buford now?
Derek Morgan: We got him locked up for homicide in 2006, but because of the statute of limitations, we never got him for molestation.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Buford ran the community center for years. An offender like him could have hundreds of victims.


"Criminal Minds: Rite of Passage (#5.19)" (2010)
Sheriff Ruiz: Every job has a patron saint. Cops have Saint Jude, doctors have Raphael the Archangel. But if you're a drug dealer or a killer, who do you pray to?
Jennifer Jareau: The saint of death.
Sheriff Ruiz: I've learned that crossing the desert to get here, you lose track of the ways you can die. So if someone close doesn't make it, sometimes it's easier to blame a superstitious figure.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Well, Omar doesn't seem like he believes what he's saying.
Sheriff Ruiz: I didn't say he believes it. I said it's who people are blaming.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: What people?
Sheriff Ruiz: Look, Santa Muerte has been coming up more and more. The illegals I send back, the coyotes I arrest. Some of the drug traffickers, they're afraid.
Jennifer Jareau: Afraid of a saint?
Sheriff Ruiz: I handled a homicide once where my only witness was this four year old girl. And she told me her mom and dad got killed by a dragon. Turns out the bad guy wore a green rain suit with a pointy hood. To the kid, it looked like a dragon. So when hundreds of people are talking about the same monster, it's a sure bet something's going on. They just don't know what to call it.

Emily Prentiss: Hey, where's Hotch?
Jennifer Jareau: Budget meeting
Derek Morgan: Well, maybe he'll get us a raise
David Rossi: They're cutting, not raising. I just hope they don't take the coffee
Dr. Spencer Reid: Then I quit
David Rossi: Oh, yeah. That'll save them like 50 bucks a week


"Criminal Minds: Magnificent Light (#8.9)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: [opening, voiceover] "A great deal of talent is lost to the world for the want of a little courage." - Sydney Smith

Jennifer Jareau: While we initially thought Barry Flynn might be a suspect, it turns out we're looking for one of his followers. An unsub who suffers from erotomania. He's obsessed with Flynn, his latest abductee, and he may believe that Flynn's also in love with him.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Erotomania has very little to do with sex. It's a romantic or spiritual connection that erotomanics crave. Victims of the delusion tend to be from a higher social status and have done very little to stimulate or encourage such a belief.
David Rossi: In fact, it's likely the unsub and Barry Flynn have had no previous contact. His infatuation probably began from afar, considering Flynn's celebrity status.
Alex Blake: The patience required to commit his crimes makes us believe he's a male in his late thirties to forties, who is single and socially immature. He's a loner with poor social skills.
Derek Morgan: And although he is capable of holding down a job, he most likely neglects his duties to focus on his obsession. This is a guy who spends much of his time living in his delusional fantasy world, and he may have been tracking Flynn for quite some time.
Aaron Hotchner: And with erotomania, the most likely recipient of violence is the person standing in the way of the desired object.
Alex Blake: It's possible the unsub witnessed an interaction between his two first victims and Flynn, killing them in a jealous rage.
Jennifer Jareau: Another possibility is that the unsub killed them to prove his devotion.
Dr. Spencer Reid: The weapon used had a ceremonial quality to it, which means the unsub probably views these victims as sacrifices, and the messages he is leaving may be meant for Flynn.
Derek Morgan: In his head, he may believe that he's already involved in a personal relationship with Flynn. And now that Flynn is under his control, the situation is especially precarious.
David Rossi: If the unsub is under the delusion that Flynn also cares about him, then any misstep by Flynn that contradicts that belief could lead to more victims, or even Flynn's own murder to prove they have a special bond.
Aaron Hotchner: And with each passing hour, it's increasingly unlikely that Flynn will be able to match the unsub's expectations for him, so we must act quickly. Thank you.


"Criminal Minds: Children of the Dark (#3.4)" (2007)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: I think it's a good idea, though.
Emily Prentiss: What's that?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: You, kids. I can see it.

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: What is she trying to prove?
Emily Prentiss: That she's a good daughter.


"Criminal Minds: Limelight (#3.13)" (2008)
Jill Morris: Hey, hum, JJ, what do you think of these?
[points at a list of possible nicknames]
Jennifer Jareau: What's this?
Jill Morris: Well, we can't call him "unsub" forever.
Jennifer Jareau: We generally try not to mythologize these guys.
Jill Morris: Right. And these aren't very good, anyway.

Aaron Hotchner: Broken home, poverty, trade school, petty crime, lewd behavior. The whole profile is here black and white.
Emily Prentiss: That's a small consolation.
Aaron Hotchner: How many is he up to?
Jennifer Jareau: Seventeen.
Emily Prentiss: They haven't even gotten through to the 2006 pile.
Aaron Hotchner: Has he told us where to find the remains?
Jennifer Jareau: No, he doesn't speak, he just points.


"Criminal Minds: The Replicator (#8.24)" (2013)
Aaron Hotchner: Dave, a figure 8?
David Rossi: That's what it look like. I just sent you all a picture
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe it's an infinity symbol
Alex Blake: Well, if it's infinity, he could be boasting "I'll go on forever"?
Derek Morgan: Or if it's an 8. Strauss was his 8th victim
Jennifer Jareau: And the unofficial 8th member of our team

Penelope Garcia: [the team is reminiscing about Strauss] Do you guys remember that one time that she called me, but I thought that it was somebody else?
[indicating Morgan]
Derek Morgan: Oh, no.
Jennifer Jareau: That... that was funny.
Penelope Garcia: Oh, maybe to you. I was mortified.
Alex Blake: What did you say?
Penelope Garcia: [laughing] I said "Talk dirty to me."
Derek Morgan: Yes, she did.
Alex Blake: [open mouthed surprise] Are you kidding?


"Criminal Minds: Fear and Loathing (#2.16)" (2007)
Aaron Hotchner: The suspect we're looking for is a black male, statistically between the ages of 20 and 35. We know he's black because of his victims. Sexually motivated killers almost always kill within their own race.
Derek Morgan: The victims he's chosen are good girls. They're good students. No behavioral problems. They're what we call "low-risk".
Emily Prentiss: And the lower the risk of the victim, the higher the intelligence of the unsub.
Jason Gideon: Guy's a smooth talker. Makes people feel at ease. Gains their confidence. You'd be amazed what these guys can talk people into.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Jeffrey Dahmer was once pulled over by police officers for driving over the center line. He'd a garbage bag full of body parts in the back seat of his car, but he was so calm and so self-assured that he convinced the officers not to look in the bag. He then went on to kill at least fifteen more people.
Aaron Hotchner: This guy's a hustler. He may not have a lot of education, but he knows how to trick impressionable young girls. Victor Paleologus used to trawl shopping malls pretending to be a movie producer. He told Kristi Johnson he could get her an audition for a James Bond movie. And that was the last time she was ever seen alive. We think because all these girls are singers, that the unsub may be connected in some way to the recording industry.
Derek Morgan: We know the unsub has a vehicle. Big enough to transport a body. It's clean. It's not too old. Nice enough to make a girl feel comfortable inside, but it's not flashy. This is not a guy who wants to attract attention to himself.
Aaron Hotchner: Probably a large, dark sedan.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: We recommend putting this profile on the news, the paper, anywhere it might be seen by the people in this county.
Derek Morgan: This guy's ruse didn't work on everybody. Somewhere out there is at least one woman who didn't fall for his game, and... that's who we need to find.
Aaron Hotchner: The key to this unsub's psychology is the souvenir he takes. We don't know what it is yet, but we know that once he has it, his victim then becomes disposable, and that's when he kills her.
Jason Gideon: The unsub's ritual was interrupted when he killed Sandra Davis. We don't believe he was able to take a souvenir from her. We think he may revisit her house or any place she may have frequented.
Aaron Hotchner: We recommend surveillance in locations where the unsub might approach young girls. Churches, high schools, libraries, coffee shops.
Jason Gideon: Stick with the community. The people of this county should be able to offer some good leads.

Jason Gideon: What are the racial demographics of Groton?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Population 42,000, eight percent black.
Jason Gideon: I'd say the mayor has reason to be worried. If it doesn't stop soon, it could flare up into a full-scale race riot.


"Criminal Minds: Identity (#3.7)" (2007)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [on the phone] Hi this is Agent Jareau with the F.B.I. and -
[puts phone down]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: That's the third time I've been hung up on.
David Rossi: Try not saying F.B.I.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Who was that?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Contact for a local militia newsletter.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, drop the F.B.I. part.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Go ahead, Garcia.
Penelope Garcia: You were spot-on, crime fighters. Military records match. Francis Goehring, forty-two years old. Did a year in the Army, before a bad conduct discharge. Highlight of which was an arrest during a bar brawl in which three other people were hospitalized. Uh, he also appears in the federal database for - get this - aggressive militia groups.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Aggressive militia groups. Is there any other type?
Penelope Garcia: Mm-hmm. That's your federal government at work. We specialize in redundancy.


"Criminal Minds: Demons (#9.24)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: You know he wants kids. Can you image Spence as a dad?
Alex Blake: That would be the luckiest kid in the world.
Jennifer Jareau: No doubt.

Jennifer Jareau: [on mobile] How is he? Great... Okay, thanks Alex, bye.
[hangs up]
Jennifer Jareau: Spence is in recovery.
David Rossi: Good. The kid is too smart to die. Probably rerouted the bullets by power of suggestion.
Jennifer Jareau: Hm... I was scared
David Rossi: Yeah, I was too.


"Criminal Minds: The Lesson (#8.10)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: [Looking at some clothes] This is all very Spencer'ly
Derek Morgan: Yeah, it sure is. But at least his style is consistent
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, what's going on with him anyway?
Derek Morgan: Oh, I think pretty boy has got a girl friend
Jennifer Jareau: You do? Why hasn't he told us?
Derek Morgan: I respect his privacy
Jennifer Jareau: No, you don't!
Derek Morgan: You're right, I don't, but I'm not about to play 20 questions with someone I'm not sleeping with!
Jennifer Jareau: Hm!

Jennifer Jareau: Well, I think after this long, hard week we just had, we should all head over to Rossi's and pop open some old, expensive wine
David Rossi: That's a plan
Penelope Garcia: Could we maybe play some games, too?
Derek Morgan: Oh, what kind of games?
Penelope Garcia: You tell me, sweet cheeks!
[Derek laughs]


"Criminal Minds: Poison (#1.13)" (2006)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Of all the departments, why'd you choose the BAU?
Aaron Hotchner: You know, I had prosecuted dozens of murder cases, and by the time they reached my desk, it always felt like it was too late. I wanted to, um... stop them before they got to my desk.

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: [news of the LSD poisoning has been leaked to the media] They didn't name the restaurant.
Detective Hanover: Wh-what is it?
Jason Gideon: Call the local hospital. Make sure they know what's coming. Excuse me.
Aaron Hotchner: Where do your 911 calls get routed?
Detective Hanover: Uh, there's a county phone bank. They contact first responders, the fire department.
Aaron Hotchner: Alert them, too. They're gonna need additional personnel. And any other backup you've got, auxiliary cops, you're gonna have to call them.
Detective Hanover: But why?
Aaron Hotchner: Because we're gonna have a heck of a time calming people down, when we really don't need the confusion to interfere with our investigation.
Uniform Cop: You want me to start making those calls?
Detective Hanover: No, no, no! No. Hey, everybody, please, shut up for a minute!
[the squad room goes silent]
Detective Hanover: Tell me what this is all about.
[telephones around the room begin ringing off the hook]
Jason Gideon: Panic.


"Criminal Minds: Memoriam (#4.7)" (2008)
Penelope Garcia: Oh, Will he looks just like you.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Let's hope he grows out of that.
Emily Prentiss: Just as long as he doesn't inherit the accent.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [from outside the door] Is there room for one more in here?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence, hi.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: [to Reid as he enters] Welcome back.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Thanks.
[looks at Henry]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wow.
[to Will, extending his hand]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Congratulations.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: [takes Reid's hand] Thank you.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [to Reid] How is it that I just went through 15 hours of labor and... you look worse than I do?
[laughs]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Don't be ridiculous. You look beautiful.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: Well I could sure use some coffee. Anyone else?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Sure.
Detective William LaMontagne Jr.: My treat.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [after Will, Hotch, Prentiss and Garcia leave; to Reid] You okay?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Wow. Yeah, yeah.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You sure? Because there's something I wanted to ask you, but, it can wait.
Dr. Spencer Reid: What is it?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Will and I were talking and... we want you to be Henry's Godfather.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I don't - I mean, I don't know...
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Here. You wanna hold him. It's okay.
[hands Henry to Reid]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Watch his head.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hi. Hello Henry.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: If anything happens to us, it's up to you and Garcia to make sure this boy gets into Yale.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ooh. Yale. Yale! Do you wanna go to Yale, Henry? That was your Godfather's safety school.
[whispers]
Dr. Spencer Reid: Don't worry, I can get you into Cal Tech with one phone call.

Jordan Todd: So many cases. How do you determine which ones get priority?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Uh... basically murder triage. I look for cases where the threat of losing another life is most imminent.


"Criminal Minds: Alchemy (#8.20)" (2013)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [a bar patron hits on Rossi] Who was that?
David Rossi: That was the fourth Mrs. Rossi, if I'm not careful.

Derek Morgan: We believe that the unsub that we're looking for is a woman who's trying to get pregnant. She's experiencing what we call black widow maternal desire. She has a desperate need for a child, which most likely stems from the recent loss of one.
Alex Blake: That child may have died or been taken away in a custody situation.
Dr. Spencer Reid: She's drugging her male victims in order to keep them under her control for forty-eight hours, and we believe she's using them as breeding partners to help replace the child that she lost.
David Rossi: Her victims are surrogates for a male figure in her life. One she may have already killed. He could be a boyfriend or husband who most likely fathered the child she lost.
Aaron Hotchner: And the signs of torture indicate that she may blame the child's father for this loss and is exacting her revenge on these victims.
Alex Blake: After they're dead, she dismembers them for easier disposal.
Derek Morgan: The strength required to do this, and transport body parts, it's likely that she's working with a submissive partner she dominates with her agenda.
David Rossi: Based on the sophistication and patience required for these crimes, we believe this unsub is probably in her thirties and no older than her early forties, if pregnancy is her goal.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: And she works at night, luring victims from parties or bars. She may even have an illness, or feign one to gain their sympathy.
Aaron Hotchner: Chad Dumont's been missing for almost thirty hours, and if the unsub keeps to her schedule, he may still be alive. But time is of the essence.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Even though the first two victims are dead, we can certainly step up our game so we can give the victims' families some answers
Aaron Hotchner: Thank you.


"Criminal Minds: The Bittersweet Science (#7.10)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: But this sort of strenuous killing could result in fatigue, increase in appetite, and disorientation.
Jennifer Jareau: Like he ran a marathon.
Dr. Spencer Reid: For some, it could also result in convulsive episodes.
Jennifer Jareau: Epilepsy?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sort of. Oftentimes after you kill, neurons in your brain misfire and you become over stimulated which causes you to start seeing things.

Jack: Tony will work with anyone, those coming up, those going down
Jennifer Jareau: We need a list of names
Derek Morgan: Tony training tomato cans?
[JJ looks puzzled]
Derek Morgan: Professional guys that loose all the time


"Criminal Minds: P911 (#2.2)" (2006)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: We don't need to be worried about paperwork. We have Garcia.

Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Four numbers. What is that? 3, something, something, 6
Penelope Garcia: That's a unit number, 4 digits ending with a 6. 999 possible combinations
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Oh, but a unit number would be registered, right?
Penelope Garcia: Already on it, kitten
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Of course you are
Penelope Garcia: That's how I roll


"Criminal Minds: Perennials (#8.11)" (2012)
Penelope Garcia: I can't believe you were shot with...
Derek Morgan: I got shot in my bulletproof vest, baby girl. It's just a couple bruises. I'm okay.
Penelope Garcia: Why don't they make better vests? That's not bulletproof. It's like when you fall in the pool and your watch stops working. That's water-resistant, not waterproof. They should...
Derek Morgan: I'm just fine. See? It's just a couple bruises.
Penelope Garcia: How... how long do you have to... be taped up like this?
Derek Morgan: I don't know. A couple days, maybe.
Penelope Garcia: Oh. Okay.
Derek Morgan: Are you relaxed now?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, I'm relaxed. Hey, if you need someone to help you, you know, put new bindings on, rewrap or wrap, unwrap...
Jennifer Jareau: Hey, you guys... Uh. Well, hey. Hope I'm not interrupting anything.


"Criminal Minds: Drive (#11.12)" (2016)
Jennifer Jareau: Well, he didn't take their handbags, jewelry or wallets
Penelope Garcia: No, the only thing missing was their cell phones. Well, that and their heads


"Criminal Minds: Won't Get Fooled Again (#1.3)" (2005)
Jennifer Jareau: How we're doing?
Elle Greenaway: Frustrated! I can't see why anyone wanna kill a little old lady who collects cats and coins
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Unless someone wants the coins! I spent a good chunk of my childhood looking for a 1944 penny worth thousands
[looks at Elle]
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: Yes, I was a little bit of a nerd. Is that so surprising?
Elle Greenaway: Not to me!
[Frowns to JJ]


"Criminal Minds: Public Enemy (#5.15)" (2010)
Derek Morgan: [reviewing the case file] Aside from m.o., victimology's all over the place. It's like this guy doesn't care who he's killing, just how.
David Rossi: And he's doing it in public without compunction for who sees him.
Aaron Hotchner: Do we have a sketch?
Jennifer Jareau: All anyone can agree on is that it's a white male between 25 and 40.
Emily Prentiss: Well, that narrows it down to all of Providence.
David Rossi: Hard to fault the witnesses, given how bloody these murders must be.
Derek Morgan: What bothers me is the cooling-off period is getting shorter and shorter, but no attempt to hide who he is or what he's doing. I mean, an unsub this bold could be suffering from a major psychotic break.
Jennifer Jareau: I already asked Detective Moreland to pull recent releases on prisons and mental hospitals.
Aaron Hotchner: We need to get to Providence ASAP. Whether he's suffering a psychotic break or not, this could be the start of a spree.
David Rossi: And anyone is a potential target.


"Criminal Minds: Tabula Rasa (#3.19)" (2008)
Penelope Garcia: [On the phone] Right! 54, native American. Ma'am, I have all that. Look,
[JJ enters]
Penelope Garcia: I really need now is identifying information.
[Garcia shakes no to JJ]
Penelope Garcia: . Yes, I... I know what a closed adoption means. Do you know what a court order means?
Jennifer Jareau: [Whispers] Wow, we don't have time for a court order
Penelope Garcia: You know what ma'am? I am done being nice! If you look to your cursor, you'll notice it's moving on its own. That's me hacking your secure network. Now I got her file, now I got her social and now, cause you're grumpy, I'm gonna send your boss these Jamaican vacation photos. Check you out, no tan lines!


"Criminal Minds: Empty Planet (#2.8)" (2006)
Jennifer Jareau: Gin.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [coughs in disbelief]
Jennifer Jareau: [laughs] What, you don't trust me?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Uh...
Jennifer Jareau: Come on.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Let's just make sure. Eight
[mutters]
Dr. Spencer Reid: ... Let's just make sure.
Jennifer Jareau: It's fun beating a genius.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Genius Dr. Reid let you win.
Jennifer Jareau: [laughs] Let's play again.
Dr. Spencer Reid: If I remember, you're borderline retarded.


"Criminal Minds: God Complex (#8.4)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: [closing, voiceover] "Body and soul cannot be separated for purposes of treatment, for they are one and indivisible. Sick minds must be healed as well as sick bodies." - Dr. Jeff Miller.


"Criminal Minds: Broken (#8.15)" (2013)
Derek Morgan: You're sure it was the same watch?
Jennifer Jareau: The unsub went to that camp. The watch he put on Michelle's wrist was the exact same model that all the kids were wearing.
Alex Blake: What do you think was behind that padlocked door?
Jennifer Jareau: Well, that could be anything. I mean, come on, we've all read the stories. A conversion camp was just shut down last year for using electroshock therapy on children.
Alex Blake: Another stripped the kids naked and screamed profanities at them.
Jennifer Jareau: We need to go back with a warrant.
Aaron Hotchner: We're gonna need probable cause.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, let's find some. Because there is more going on at that camp than they let on.


"Criminal Minds: Profiler, Profiled (#2.12)" (2006)
Jennifer Jareau: [JJ, Garcia and Reid look at a black film capsule on Reid's desk] Nothing is happening
Dr. Spencer Reid: [high pitch voice] Sst! Watch!
Penelope Garcia: [capsule lifts off] Ah!
Emily Prentiss: [walks in and gets hit by capsule] Oh! Au! What?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I am so sorry, I am
Emily Prentiss: What was that?
Penelope Garcia: Don't you recognize a rocket when you see one?
Dr. Spencer Reid: I was merely demonstrating a physics law, I... I didn't mean to...
Emily Prentiss: Oh, show me!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Alright, eh, turn around please!
Emily Prentiss: Turn around?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, he's not going to show you how it's done
Dr. Spencer Reid: Magician doesn't reveal its secrets
Emily Prentiss: I thought you said it was physics!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Physics magic!
Penelope Garcia: Trust me: it will do not any good to argue with him
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Prepares the rocket] Alright, alright, turn back and observe
Jennifer Jareau, Penelope Garcia, Emily Prentiss: Oh!
Aaron Hotchner: [Picks rocket up which landed just before his feet] Physics magic?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yes sir!
Aaron Hotchner: Reid, we talked about this.
Dr. Spencer Reid: I am sorry sir!
Aaron Hotchner: [Smiles] Well you really start to get some distance on this!
Emily Prentiss: So he does have a sense of humor?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sometimes.


"Criminal Minds: Hope (#7.8)" (2011)
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, rethinking the type of offender he was seven years ago, it's possible the UnSub didn't sexually assault Hope initially but waited until she was older.
Emily Prentiss: Well, that would explain why he held on to her all this time. In his fantasy, he might envision Hope at a more desirable age.
David Rossi: What story did he use to get into the support group?
Jennifer Jareau: Well, he told them his pregnant wife committed suicide. Apparently they were trying to conceive for over a year.
David Rossi: Hope couldn't bear the thought of bringing his child into this world, so she took what little control she did have and ended her life.
Emily Prentiss: And that was never part of his plan. It turned his world upside down.
David Rossi: He's not ready to let go of the bond he had with Hope.
Dr. Spencer Reid: And now he's trying to get back what was taken from him.
Emily Prentiss: Wouldn't it just be easier for him to start over again?
David Rossi: Unless Monica could give him what he lost. Another Hope. He didn't take Monica to remind him of Hope, he took her to recreate her.


"Criminal Minds: Derailed (#1.9)" (2005)
Jennifer Jareau: He gave a deadline of 3 hours to produce this authority
Dr. Spencer Reid: 3 hours, when was that?
Jennifer Jareau: Uhm, 2 1/2 hours ago


"Criminal Minds: A Shade of Gray (#4.21)" (2009)
Penelope Garcia: [Phone rings] Tell me something, sunshine
Jennifer Jareau: Eh, Garcia, I need your brain and your computer system
Penelope Garcia: They're one and the same


"Criminal Minds: A Place at the Table (#10.20)" (2015)
Jennifer Jareau: So Dillon told the police that he'd been hiking through the Great Smokey Mountains for the past week
David Rossi: Right! And Elvis is alive and well and cutting a new album in my basement


"Criminal Minds: The Fallen (#8.7)" (2012)
David Rossi: That's pretty brave what you did, running into that fire on your own.
Chad Mills: Yeah? Look how that turned out.
Derek Morgan: I don't know, if you ask me, I say it was pretty stupid.
Chad Mills: Stupid?
Derek Morgan: Yeah, that's right. You went in without protective gear. Looks like maybe you were trying to prove something.
Jennifer Jareau: Third generation fireman. What's there to prove? It's in his genes.
Derek Morgan: Quite a legacy to try to live up to. But you just wanted to be the best, didn't you?
Chad Mills: I am the best!
David Rossi: Guess we'll never know for sure.
Chad Mills: My whole life, I knew I was gonna be a fireman. That I would matter!
Jennifer Jareau: You do matter, Chad. Everyone matters.
Chad Mills: Not him! He doesn't.
David Rossi: That man is a marine. He risked his life to protect us. You telling me that doesn't matter?


"Criminal Minds: Scream (#10.15)" (2015)
Jennifer Jareau: Both were technical single. They could have been looking to meet new people. Maybe that was his in
Dr. Spencer Reid: Raymond Fernandez used to place personal ads in the newspaper. He would seduce and rob the woman who answered them
Jennifer Jareau: The unsub could be a lonely hearts killer
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe he hunts his victims in places where singles hang out. You know bars, nightclubs, chess tournaments


"Criminal Minds: The Forever People (#10.11)" (2015)
Jennifer Jareau: [opening quote] "Every man has his secrets sorrows, which the world knows not and oftentimes we call a man cold when he's only sad"- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


"Criminal Minds: Our Darkest Hour (#5.23)" (2010)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Was she able to identify him?
Jennifer Jareau: She said he was white with mean eyes and repulsive breath
David Rossi: Rotten inside and out


"Criminal Minds: Nelson's Sparrow (#10.13)" (2015)
Kate Callahan: That's the slowest I have ever seen you type
Penelope Garcia: Snooping into Gideon's spending habits makes me feel like a creep
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, well, try looking through his bedroom


"Criminal Minds: A Real Rain (#1.17)" (2006)
Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner: So, you know there was a big hole in the profile you presented back there.
Jason Gideon: Can you pass the moo shoo, please?
Jennifer Jareau: Uh, what's the hole?
Jason Gideon: I left out the possibility our unsub might be a cop.


"Criminal Minds: Target Rich (#11.7)" (2015)
Jennifer Jareau: Okay, now tell me all about Tara Lewis
Dr. Spencer Reid: She is really excited to meet you. I think her exact words after reading your reports, were: "Is JJ as awesome as I think she is?"
Jennifer Jareau: I like her already


"Criminal Minds: Inner Beauty (#11.20)" (2016)
Jennifer Jareau: Maybe victim zero was a junkie who got clean and rejected the unsub
David Rossi: Hm-hmm
Jennifer Jareau: Or maybe she fell off the wagon and he was furious, 'cause he worked to nurse her back to health
David Rossi: Hm-hmm
Jennifer Jareau: [Notices Rossi isn't paying any attention] Or maybe she was abducted by an aliens
David Rossi: Yeah, maybe
Jennifer Jareau: Okay, this ends now! Let me see
[Rossi hands his phone, see the picture of Kai and Hayden]
Jennifer Jareau: Oh, my goodness! What a cutie! Wait is that...
David Rossi: Hayden Montgomery, ex-wife number two


"Criminal Minds: Angels (#9.23)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: So, we get Henry to bed and, you know, we're about to finally have some alone time with mommy and daddy and... you guys know the rest!
Derek Morgan: Ah, trying to dust off the old cobwebs
Penelope Garcia: Inappropriate! Seriously, how long has it been?
Jennifer Jareau: Too long!


"Criminal Minds: Future Perfect (#11.10)" (2015)
Dr. Tara Lewis: What's up, Rossi?
David Rossi: They identified the bird DNA in Henning as coming from a scarlet macaw
Jennifer Jareau: Hm, hm, and?
David Rossi: That got me thinking about turritopsis dohrnii
Dr. Tara Lewis: Turri... what?
David Rossi: Eh, it's called the immortal jellyfish. Uhm,
[starts reading from his notes]
David Rossi: endlessly recycles its own cells for a process called trans-differentiation, a kind of lineage reprogramming
Jennifer Jareau: Oh my goodness! Dr. Spencer Reid, master of disguise!
David Rossi: No disguise, I called the kid last night


"Criminal Minds: Hashtag (#10.7)" (2014)
Kate Callahan: What's his end game?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Fame
[together with JJ]
Jennifer Jareau: Fear
[together with Spencer]
Aaron Hotchner: Probably both, he is a sadist and he is enjoying the panic he is creating.


"Criminal Minds: The Big Game (#2.14)" (2007)
Jennifer Jareau: [Just won another game of darts] Oh! Another one bites the dust
Another Dart Player: How did you get so good at this?
Jennifer Jareau: Where I grew up darts is like a national sport
Another Dart Player: Seriously?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, we were too small for a bowling alley


"Criminal Minds: What Happens in Mecklinburg... (#9.21)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: Alright, can you pull up her chart of that day?
Penelope Garcia: JJ, can I pull up... Is the pope a catholic?


"Criminal Minds: Lockdown (#10.16)" (2015)
Warden Miles Tate: Sorry, there is no cell signal inside the walls. We had to jam it.
Derek Morgan: You get inmates smuggling phones in?
Warden Miles Tate: Yeah, it's been a problem, one of many
Jennifer Jareau: What about WiFi?
Warden Miles Tate: We got you set up as close to the router as possible, but it's still glitch. Drives me nuts. Back when I worked on the Hill I couldn't survive without my phone
Kate Callahan: Hm, I got a teenager at home who knows exactly how you feel!
Warden Miles Tate: Ha ha, Well, we have got our good old fashion landlines and a fax machine for you, though.
David Rossi: I thought I was the only one that still use those!


"Criminal Minds: To Hell... And Back (#4.25)" (2009)
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: The rest of us will meet with the legal attaché before we hit the royal Canadian mounted police
Jennifer Jareau: Actually, sir, the officer in charge said that his team was part of a fellowship the BAU gave to train the police forces in profiling
David Rossi: Ah, that was the first one we ever did. Jeff Bedwell
Jennifer Jareau: You know him?
David Rossi: Yeah
Derek Morgan: Is he any good?
David Rossi: He better be! I trained him


"Criminal Minds: L.D.S.K. (#1.6)" (2005)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Mr. Jenkins, I'm Special Agent Jennifer Jareau with the FBI. We need you to identify your source.
Reporter John Jenkins: No way. I know my rights.
[Gideon grabs Jenkins and cuffs him]
Reporter John Jenkins: Hey, hey!
[to his cameraman]
Reporter John Jenkins: Vic, shoot this! Get this all on tape.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: You should know the FBI considers these shootings an act of terrorism. Under the PATRIOT Act, we can detain you as long as we need to.


"Criminal Minds: Supply and Demand (#6.24)" (2011)
[last lines]
David Rossi: You said we needed to talk, but at 2 a.m.?
Jennifer Jareau: I saw the lights were on.
David Rossi: And you couldn't sleep. Which tells me you've given some thought to what we discussed.
Jennifer Jareau: I haven't stopped thinking about it.
David Rossi: So?
Jennifer Jareau: I'm coming back.


"Criminal Minds: Riding the Lightning (#1.14)" (2006)
Jacob Dawes: And who are you?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: My friends call me J.J.
Jacob Dawes: [standing up] Well, hel...
Aaron Hotchner: Sit down.
[Dawes doesn't move]
Aaron Hotchner: Sit down.
Jacob Dawes: [sitting down] Hello, J.J.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: You're not my friend. You can call me Jennifer.


"Criminal Minds: The Wheels on the Bus... (#8.8)" (2012)
Kevin Lynch: Hey guys, I think I found something. When I downloaded the TPF file I was able to extract the source code and generate an outpost based on blacklisted Hell Mod-players!
Jennifer Jareau: English, please?


"Criminal Minds: The Sandman (#11.17)" (2016)
David Rossi: No tread marks anywhere. The unsub probably parked his car along the main road and walked in.
Jennifer Jareau: Family have dogs?
David Rossi: No. No security system, either.
Jennifer Jareau: Well, there's nothing around back. The garage and the storage were unlocked.
David Rossi: And I bet the Brewers probably never locked their front door.
Jennifer Jareau: You know, it's not so unusual. I grew up in a place like this and that's just how it was. People trusted one another.
David Rossi: Trust is a good thing. So are deadbolts and a rottweiler.


"Criminal Minds: Burn (#10.2)" (2014)
David Rossi: So where are Garcia and Morgan? Are they finally having that love child?
Derek Morgan: [walking in and tapping Rossi's shoulder] Heard that.
David Rossi: Busted!
Aaron Hotchner: Garcia is taking some personal time.
Jennifer Jareau: Is everything okay?
Kate Callahan: I hope it wasn't those burritos we had yesterday?
Aaron Hotchner: She's fine; Kevin Lynch will be presenting the case.


"Criminal Minds: Self Fulfilling Prophecy (#7.9)" (2011)
Aaron Hotchner: Dave, did you find anything in the woods?
David Rossi: Josh's tent was secluded, his things were left behind. He just took off.
Aaron Hotchner: Massey said he never got any respect from Josh.
Jennifer Jareau: Josh's own parents said he was impossible to control.
Dr. Spencer Reid: His course load indicates increased isolation.
Emily Prentiss: Isolated, smart, angry. That could be a budding psychopath.
Erin Strauss: What are you saying? Josh Redding killed his classmates? And he's not missing, he's on the run.
Derek Morgan: And he has been for a week.
David Rossi: One hell of a head start.
Emily Prentiss: With all the skills he could ever need.


"Criminal Minds: The Big Wheel (#4.22)" (2009)
Penelope Garcia: The video on this film is analog. It's since been digitized, but it is seriously degraded.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Meaning what?
Penelope Garcia: Meaning this kind of degradation only happens over at least a decade and thousands of repeating viewings.
David Rossi: It's the only way he can get any release.
Det. Lynne Henderson: Then you're right, he's been doing this for ten years.
Penelope Garcia: Uh... more like twenty. That woman in this video, she's wearing a sweater I haven't seen since "Flashdance".


"Criminal Minds: Lo-Fi (#3.20)" (2008)
Derek Morgan: Who in the hell thinks they can get away with murder in the middle of the day in New York City?
David Rossi: Someone patient, who waits for the one who gets separated from the flock.
Derek Morgan: [pantomimes holding a gun to Rossi's head] Bang.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Is that the spot?
Detective Brustin: Yeah, thereabouts.
David Rossi: Are we boring you? Look, I know you don't like SSA Joyner. Fine, I get it. But we're here to do a job.
Detective Brustin: Have any of your people ever been cops?
Derek Morgan: Chicago.
Detective Brustin: Then you'll understand. I take it real personal if something like this happens in my city. I was a beat cop during the Son of Sam. This is worse. He's not just going after one type; he's going after everybody. And I need everybody working on this case taking it personally.
Derek Morgan: You have that.
Detective Brustin: We'll see.


"Criminal Minds: Psychodrama (#2.4)" (2006)
Dr. Spencer Reid: Basically the assumed suspect will hunt close to where they live but far enough to remain anonymous. Each one of these data points represents the bank and the area where the lines intersect is the best estimate of the unsub home
Jennifer Jareau: To how many people does that narrow it down to?
Dr. Spencer Reid: Ahh... a couple of hundred thousand!
Jennifer Jareau: Oh...


"Criminal Minds: Mr. & Mrs. Anderson (#9.15)" (2014)
[Spencer is plunging the toilet]
Jennifer Jareau: Come on, you got to put your back into it, Spence!
Dr. Spencer Reid: Where is Morgan when you need him?


"Criminal Minds: Somebody's Watching (#1.18)" (2006)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: The media's calling Natalie Ryan's murder the biggest celebrity homicide since Sharon Tate.


"Criminal Minds: The Internet Is Forever (#5.22)" (2010)
Jennifer Jareau: [looks Reid walking into the room] Well, hello.
Aaron Hotchner: What? Did you join a boy band?
[everybody except Hotch & Reid chuckles]
Dr. Spencer Reid: No.


"Criminal Minds: Catching Out (#4.5)" (2008)
Aaron Hotchner: [after a lengthy update from JJ] JJ, what are we going to do without you when you go on maternity leave?
Jennifer Jareau: What? so you think I'd leave you hanging?
Aaron Hotchner: Does that mean you have a plan?
Jennifer Jareau: I don't know. You'll see


"Criminal Minds: Parasite (#5.14)" (2010)
David Rossi: [Teams walks into a room filled with boxes with files] You're kidding me
Jennifer Jareau: We've to go through all of this?
Aaron Hotchner: White collar cases often come down with a paper trail
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe it won't be so bad, I mean, at least he's well organized
David Rossi: That's his job. He sits at a desk all day and accumulates paper evidence


"Criminal Minds: The Hunt (#10.23)" (2015)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Seeing JJ exhausted, eating dry biscuit] Not you too! Am I getting another godson?
Jennifer Jareau: Possibly. Maybe goddaughter.


"Criminal Minds: Seven Seconds (#3.5)" (2007)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Susan consoling Katie's mother, that's an image that's gonna haunt me for a while.
Penelope Garcia: Well, we could have been left haunted by a lot worse.


"Criminal Minds: No Way Out (#2.13)" (2007)
Jennifer Jareau: [Enters Garcia's computer room] Hey Garcia?
Penelope Garcia: [Dozed away, now wakes up] AUGH! I like knocking!


"Criminal Minds: 100 (#5.9)" (2009)
Agent Anderson: Just got a call from the postmaster general inspector's office
Jennifer Jareau: Already?
Agent Anderson: I'm not just a pretty face


"Criminal Minds: The Crimson King (#12.1)" (2016)
Luke Alvez: Off of bubblegum? For real?
Dr. Spencer Reid: We've seen the use of aerosolized drugs before. One called scopolamine, puts you in a catatonic state. The other's sevoflurane. It's used during dental surgery. It puts you in a suggestible, almost hypnotic trance
Jennifer Jareau: And because it is used in dental surgery, it tastes and smells like bubblegum


"Criminal Minds: The Angel Maker (#4.2)" (2008)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: This is Delilah Grennan. She was bludgeoned and raped during the night at her home in Lower Canaan, Ohio.
Emily Prentiss: Lower where?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Small town forty miles outside of Cincinnati.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Staging the body face up with the arms across the chest like that.
Derek Morgan: Ritual. Nice hair, by the way.
[Morgan flips a lock of Reid's hair into his face]
Dr. Spencer Reid: [brushing his hair back] Thanks.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Uh, there's more. Small puncture wounds on her stomach. Note the lack of blood.
Emily Prentiss: They were inflicted postmortem. Were there any other victims?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Kind of. Victimology and signature match a serial killer from the same town ten years ago. Six victims spanning over ten months. He called himself...
Aaron Hotchner: The Angel Maker. I remember the case.
Dr. Spencer Reid: They caught that guy.
David Rossi: And executed him.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: That's right. He was put to death by lethal injection a year ago yesterday.
Emily Prentiss: Yesterday.
Derek Morgan: So we're looking for a copycat.
David Rossi: Honoring the anniversary of his hero's death.
Dr. Spencer Reid: It says here they found semen at the crime scene. Perhaps locals will get a DNA match when they run it through VICAP?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Well, that's where it gets weird. They ran it already and they got a match, too.
Emily Prentiss: Well, if they already have a name, why'd they call us?
David Rossi: [reading the report] They've got to be kidding. The match they got back on the DNA is to a Cortland Bryce Ryan. Otherwise known as... the Angel Maker.


"Criminal Minds: Blood Relations (#9.20)" (2014)
Malachi Lee: Mrs. Jareau...
Jennifer Jareau: Agent Jareau!
Malachi Lee: It's Mrs. Jareau! Unless that ring on your finger is some kind of lesbian thing. I know how you all like to do it up there in D.C.!


"Criminal Minds: The Slave of Duty (#5.10)" (2009)
Sympathetic attendant: If there's anything I can do...
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: [shakes hand] Thank you.
Evidence Tech Gina: I'm so sorry for your loss.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Thank you, Gina. Thank you for coming.
David Rossi: [next in receiving line] I think you could use some air. Jack's okay. I saw him with his cousins.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Okay. Jessica, would you make sure that, uh, Jack gets something to eat?
Jessica Brooks: Sure.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: I'll be right back. Thanks.
[follows Rossi and the men pass the team sitting in chairs at a table, and go off-screen]
Emily Prentiss: [gravely] What do we do?
Derek Morgan: There's nothin' we can do. We just gotta wait him out.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [looks up] You think he'll ever come back?
Jennifer Jareau: [stoically] Would you?
Derek Morgan: He'll come back. I just don't know what he's gonna look like when he does.
Jennifer Jareau: We just... need to be there for him when he's ready.


"Criminal Minds: The Itch (#10.4)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: [closing quote] "Getting rid of a delusion makes us wiser than getting hold of the truth" - Ludwig Börne


"Criminal Minds: Unfinished Business (#1.15)" (2006)
Jennifer Jareau: [entering the nightly meeting] I'd say: good morning, but it's still dark outside


"Criminal Minds: Faceless, Nameless (#5.1)" (2009)
Jennifer Jareau: [Walking towards Emily and Derek] I just talked to Spence, he's going to be fine. He's gonna have to be on crutches for a while, but he said kicking down doors is Morgan's job, anyway


"Criminal Minds: Elephant's Memory (#3.16)" (2008)
Deputy Bart Lawford: We are wasting time. Owen is here, and we should be knocking on doors.
Aaron Hotchner: It's not a good idea.
Deputy Bart Lawford: And why is that?
Aaron Hotchner: Because Owen's watching. He's monitoring the news. Right now, he thinks you think he's gone. He feels safe. If we start knocking on doors, he's gonna know that he's not. He's gonna feel trapped.
Deputy Bart Lawford: Why the hell should we care about this little bastard's feelings?
Jennifer Jareau: All right, we're here to help you bring in Owen Savage with minimum loss of life. The profile tells you the best way to do that.


"Criminal Minds: Internal Affairs (#11.9)" (2015)
Jennifer Jareau: Hi, uh, we're agents Jareau and Lewis with the FBI. We're wondering have you seen this woman?
[Shows picture]
Jennifer Jareau: She would have been here like three days ago
Bartender: No!
Dr. Tara Lewis: Are you sure? She might have been here with somebody else
Bartender: It's a bar. Lots of people coming and going in here
Jennifer Jareau: Well, she's missing, so any information you can give us will be greatly appreciated
Bartender: Sorry
Dr. Tara Lewis: All right, thank you.
[walks away, but immediately turns back]
Dr. Tara Lewis: Oh, I'm sorry, one other thing. Who's the general manager here?
Bartender: I am
Dr. Tara Lewis: Oh, that's great! Because we actually got an anonymous tip that somebody is skimming off the receipts, so we're just gonna need to take a quick look at your books
Bartender: Hold... hold on. I thought you were interested in missing person?
Jennifer Jareau: We are. But the FBI also handles federal tax violations
Dr. Tara Lewis: I mean, you have books, right? 'Cause if you don't have books we have to shut this place down
Bartender: Can I see that photo again?
Jennifer Jareau: Oh. This one?
Bartender: Okay. Yeah, you know what? I think I remember her now. Yeah! I... , she wasn't in here very long


"Criminal Minds: The Apprenticeship (#8.6)" (2012)
David Rossi: But the jump to humans is usually made in their mid-20s
Alex Blake: Hmm-mmm, Thomas Dillon started killing at 39
Jennifer Jareau: Joseph Duncan was... 43
David Rossi: Usually!


"Criminal Minds: Aftermath (#2.5)" (2006)
Jason Gideon: Doesn't anybody ever go home?
Elle Greenaway: You're here
Jason Gideon: Exactly! Trust me; you don't want to model your social life after mine
Jennifer Jareau: If it makes you feel any better: Hotchner and Morgan took off
Dr. Spencer Reid: Hotch is married, Morgan is just, you know, Morgan


"Criminal Minds: The Fisher King: Part 2 (#2.1)" (2006)
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: That was Hotch.
Derek Morgan: Don't tell me. Reid already figured it out and we drove all the way out here for nothing, right?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: Derek...
Derek Morgan: What? What?
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: The... the unsub... Elle was shot in her apartment this morning.
Derek Morgan: [stopping the car] What?
[Morgan turns the car around]
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: What are you doing?
Derek Morgan: I'm going back.
Jennifer "JJ" Jareau: No, no, no. Hotch said not to.
Derek Morgan: I don't give a damn what Hotch said.


"Criminal Minds: What Fresh Hell? (#1.12)" (2006)
Jason Gideon: [Garcia knocks on his door] Yeah?
Penelope Garcia: Thank you for the flowers.
[Reads from the card]
Penelope Garcia: '"I know I can be challenging, but your work is appreciated", J. Gideon'. I appreciate your appreciation. And btw you're not challenging. Oh, no, you're totally challenging, but you're not challenging at all in a bad way, sir.
[Looks at some picture]
Penelope Garcia: Hey, is this your family?
Jason Gideon: Yeah, sort of
Penelope Garcia: Nice. Thanks again for the flowers
[turns around around to leave, passes JJ who just entered]
Penelope Garcia: Hey
Jennifer Jareau: Hey
Jason Gideon: What the hell does btw mean?
Jennifer Jareau: Internet shorthand for: by the way. You sent Garcia flowers?
Jason Gideon: No


"Criminal Minds: Through the Looking Glass (#8.3)" (2012)
Jennifer Jareau: [opening, voiceover] The German author Goethe wrote, "Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their true image."


"Criminal Minds: Legacy (#2.22)" (2007)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: This postmark.
Cal McGee: Excuse me?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Kansas City.
Cal McGee: Right.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Missouri. We're in Kansas City, Kansas.
Cal McGee: Yeah, well, they're just across the river from one another.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: No, what they are is right across the state line.
[JJ and McGee enter Captain Wright's office]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Hotch, it's federal.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: What?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: If we want this case, it's ours. It's federal. This letter came from across the river, from Kansas City, Missouri.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Interstate communication.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Puts it in federal jurisdiction.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: [to Captain Wright] Sir, this is now a federal case. I would like to retain Detective McGee as a consultant.
Capt. Wright: Whoa, whoa. You're not opening any investigations in my jurisdiction.
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: I don't wanna fight with you, even though this is a federal case. If we develop any information, I will come to you and your men will make the arrest.
Capt. Wright: And why would you do that?
Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner: Because that's how we operate.


"Criminal Minds: Doubt (#3.1)" (2007)
Jennifer Jareau: I can't believe he is walking out of here!
Derek Morgan: It's the right thing to do
Jennifer Jareau: Remind me of that the next time I have to tell someone their friend or daughter is murdered!


"Criminal Minds: Lauren (#6.18)" (2011)
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [voiceover] Psychoanalyst Walter Langer wrote: "People will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough, people will sooner or later believe it."


"Criminal Minds: No Way Out, Part II: The Evilution of Frank (#2.23)" (2007)
Penelope Garcia: Oh JJ! It's Friday night! The cute guy from counter terrorism! Three cocktails in, I am looking at second base, so this better be good!
Jennifer Jareau: It's far from good!


"Criminal Minds: Mirror Image (#12.7)" (2016)
Hannah Shines: [With Emily and JJ; knocks on master bedroom door] Mom! Dad!
Alison Shines: [Panics] Don't come in!
Hannah Shines: Someone was up the door, so I let them in
Alison Shines: Honey, you know we talked about this!
Hannah Shines: You said it was okay, if it was the police. And it's the FBI
Bill Shines: [Engaged in bdsm] FBI! What's the FBI doing here?
Hannah Shines: [Tied in chains] I have no idea! I'm slipping... I'm slipping... Aah!
Jennifer Jareau: [Feeling uncomfortable] Hannah? You know what? We can, we can... we can take it from here
Hannah Shines: Okay. Just so you know, sometimes it takes him a while to untie her


"Criminal Minds: Amelia Porter (#10.10)" (2014)
Jennifer Jareau: [close quote] "The soul that conceived one wickedness can nurse no good thereafter" - Sophocles


"Criminal Minds: Ashes and Dust (#2.19)" (2007)
Dr. Spencer Reid: This place is great! They have their own espresso machine!
Jennifer Jareau: Eh, Dr. Reid? This is detective Castro, she is with the SFPD liaison
Dr. Spencer Reid: Burned my hand on the espresso machine
[picks up a first aid box and unintentionally drops the contents]
Det. Leah Castro: A genius you said?
Jennifer Jareau: Yeah, eh... his coordination drops off when he is thinking


"Criminal Minds: The Eyes Have It (#5.6)" (2009)
Dr. Spencer Reid: [learning the unsub removes his victims' eyes] He's an enucleator.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: There's a word for this?