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Quotes for
Frederick Dallas (Character)
from Noises Off... (1992)

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Noises Off... (1992)
[looking for Selsdon]
Frederick: I'm sure he wouldn't. Not during a tech rehearsal.
Dotty: Half a chance, he would!
Brooke: Would what?
Dotty, Gary, Lloyd: [Gesturing drink in hand] Glck! Glck! Glck!

Frederick: Alright, I see all that.
Lloyd: Oh no.
Frederick: I just don't know why I take them.
Lloyd: Freddy love, why does anyone do anything? Why does that other idiot go out of the front door holding two plates of sardines? I mean, I-I'm not getting at you, love.
Gary: Course not, Lloyd. I mean, why do I? I mean, Jesus, when you come to think about it, why *do* I?
Lloyd: Who knows?
Gary: Who knows. You see, Freddy?
Lloyd: The wellsprings of human action are deep and cloudy. Maybe something happened to you when you were a very, very, very small child that made you frightened to let go of groceries.
Belinda: Or it could be genetic.
Gary: Yes, or it could be... you know.
Lloyd: Could-could well be.
Frederick: Of course, thank you. I understand all that, but...
Lloyd: Freddy love, I'm telling you I don't know. I-I don't think the *author* knows. I don't know why the author came into this industry in the first place. I don't know why any of us came into it.
Frederick: All the same, if you could just give me a reason I could keep in my mind.
Lloyd: Alright, I'll give you a reason then. You carry those groceries into the study, Freddy honey, because it's just slightly after midnight, and we're not going to be finished before we open tomorrow night - Correction. Before we open TONIGHT!

Lloyd: [Barging in from the house] What the *fuck* is going on?
Belinda: Lloyd!
Frederick: Holy cow!
Poppy: I didn't know you were here.
Lloyd: I'm not. I'm in New York. But I can't sit out there and listen to two minutes, three minutes, one minute, two minutes!
Belinda: Lloyd! We're having big dramas back here!
Lloyd: We're having big dramas out *there!* This is a matinee, Love! There are senior citizens out there! "The curtain will rise in three minutes," we all start for the gents! "The curtain will rise in one minute," we all start running out again! We don't know which way we're going!

Gary: Is there anyone *else* in the house. Mrs. Clackett?
Dotty: I ain't seen no one, dear.
Gary: Well, I-I thought I heard boxes... I mean I found these voices.
Dotty: Voices? There's no voices 'ere, Love.
Gary: I must've imagined it.
Frederick: Oh my Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-d!
[as he yells, an amazing crash is heard backstage]
Gary: [pause] I *beg* your pardon?
Dotty: [She takes a deep breath] Oh my Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-d!
[as she yells, she bangs things together and knocks things off tables to make loud noises]
Gary: [Another pause] Why, what is it?

[Brooke has lost one of her contact lenses]
Belinda: Which one is it this time?
Brooke: Left.
Gary: It's the *left* one, everybody!
Poppy: Left one.
Belinda, Poppy, Frederick: [shouting] Left one!
[Everyone starts looking around for it]

Brooke: You can't even get the door open.
[and, in fact, Gary can't]
Lloyd: [distant] Hold it.
Frederick: [entering with Belinda] Yes, but this is Mrs. Clackett's afternoon off.
Lloyd: [a little louder] Hold it!
Frederick: We've got the place entirely to ourselves.
Belinda: Look at it.
Lloyd: [Freddy tries to close the door but can't] HOLD IT!
[they continue to try to open or close their respective doors]
Lloyd: And God said HOLD IT!
[they stop]
Lloyd: And they held it. And God saw that it was TERRIBLE!
Gary: Sorry, folks. The door won't open.
Belinda: Sorry, folks, this door won't close.
Lloyd: And God said, "POPPY!"
Frederick: Sorry folks, am I doing something wrong? You know how stupid I am about doors.
Belinda: Freddy, darling, you're doing it perfectly.
Frederick: As long as it wasn't me that broke it.
Lloyd: [Poppy comes on stage] ... And there was Poppy. And God said, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fetch Tim to fix the doors."

Lloyd: What's the line, Freddy?
Frederick: [with glue on his pants] I've heard of people getting stuck with the problem...
Lloyd: *stuck* with the problem.
Frederick: *stuck* with the problem?
Lloyd: *stuck* with the problem.
Frederick: I've heard of people getting *stuck* with the problem, but this is ridiculous!

Lloyd: [They are discussing why the sheik looks like Phillip] It is kind of a coincidence, Freddy. Until you reflect that there was an earlier draft of the play, now unfortunately lost to us, and in this the author makes it clear that Phillip's father, as a young man, traveled extensively in the middle east...
Frederick: I see. Oh, I see!
Lloyd: You see!
Frederick: That's very interesting.
Lloyd: I thought you'd like that.
Frederick: But will the audience get it?
Lloyd: Well, you must show them Freddy. With looks, with gestures. That's what acting is all about. Ok?
Frederick: Yes, thank you Lloyd. Thank you.