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Quotes for
Brooke Ashton (Character)
from Noises Off... (1992)

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Noises Off... (1992)
[Dotty enters with the detached receiver and a small shovel]
Dotty: I've just come for me sardines.
[Gary yells in surprise, she gives a sarcastic yell back]
Gary: Well, I'm sorry, I thought there was no one here.
Dotty: I'm not here. I don't know where I am.
Gary: I'm from the agency.
[she tries to put the receiver down, but finds that the rest of the phone is missing]
Dotty: Lost the phone now.
Gary: Squire, Squire, Hackem and Dudley.
Dotty: Never lost the phone before.
Gary: I'm Tramplemain.
Dotty: I know, I'll just put it up here in case anyone wants it, look!
[she hangs the receiver on a lampshade]
Gary: Oh, right, thanks. No, no, I just dropped in to go into a few things - well, to check some of the measurements - do one or two odd jobs.
Dotty: Now the plate's gone.
Gary: Oh, and a client: I'm showing a prospective tenant over the house.
Brooke: What's wrong with this door?
[Dotty begins looking under the sofa cushions for the plate]
Gary: She's thinking of renting it, her interest is definitely aroused!
Brooke: [bursting out of the bathroom] That's not the bedroom!
[Dotty looks behind the sofa]
Gary: The bedroom? No, no, no, that's the downstairs bathroom and WC suite! And this is the housekeeper, Mrs. Crocket.
[he walks onto the sardines on the floor]
Dotty: Sardines! Here, sardines!
Brooke: Oh, hi!
Gary: She's not really here.
Dotty: You *stepped* on 'em!
[she pounds Gary's feet with the shovel]

Lloyd: Brooke?
Brooke: Yes?
Lloyd: Are you in?
Brooke: In?
Lloyd: Are you there?
Brooke: What?
Lloyd: You're out. Okay. I'll call again.

[looking for Selsdon]
Frederick: I'm sure he wouldn't. Not during a tech rehearsal.
Dotty: Half a chance, he would!
Brooke: Would what?
Dotty, Gary, Lloyd: [Gesturing drink in hand] Glck! Glck! Glck!

Dotty: Now I've lost the newspaper!
Lloyd: Sardines!
Gary: [to Brooke] I'm sorry about this.
Brooke: [to Gary] That's all right. We don't want the television, do we?
Dotty: [re-entering] I forgot the sardines.

[Brooke has lost one of her contact lenses]
Belinda: Which one is it this time?
Brooke: Left.
Gary: It's the *left* one, everybody!
Poppy: Left one.
Belinda, Poppy, Frederick: [shouting] Left one!
[Everyone starts looking around for it]

Brooke: You can't even get the door open.
[and, in fact, Gary can't]
Lloyd: [distant] Hold it.
Frederick: [entering with Belinda] Yes, but this is Mrs. Clackett's afternoon off.
Lloyd: [a little louder] Hold it!
Frederick: We've got the place entirely to ourselves.
Belinda: Look at it.
Lloyd: [Freddy tries to close the door but can't] HOLD IT!
[they continue to try to open or close their respective doors]
Lloyd: And God said HOLD IT!
[they stop]
Lloyd: And they held it. And God saw that it was TERRIBLE!
Gary: Sorry, folks. The door won't open.
Belinda: Sorry, folks, this door won't close.
Lloyd: And God said, "POPPY!"
Frederick: Sorry folks, am I doing something wrong? You know how stupid I am about doors.
Belinda: Freddy, darling, you're doing it perfectly.
Frederick: As long as it wasn't me that broke it.
Lloyd: [Poppy comes on stage] ... And there was Poppy. And God said, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fetch Tim to fix the doors."