Jack Rudolph
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Quotes for
Jack Rudolph (Character)
from "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" (2006)

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"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Pilot (#1.1)" (2006)
Matt Albie: Are you people using the confidential information that Danny failed a drug test to force him into taking over Studio 60 to deflect attention from what happened on the air tonight?
Jack Rudolph: [long pause] ... He failed a drug test?
Jordan McDeere: Yeah, actually Matt, I was the only one who knew about that. Shoulda trusted me a little, Danny.
Matt Albie: [to Danny] Sorry about that, that one was all me.
Danny Tripp: Yeah.
Matt Albie: [to everyone] Ironically, I'm the one who's high as a paper kite right now, but legitimately. I had back surgery Tuesday. L5 S1, if that means anything to you. Stop talking now? Yeah, you bet.

Jack Rudolph: Wesley?
Wes Mendell: Yeah?
Jack Rudolph: You're fired.
Wes Mendell: No kidding.

Jack Rudolph: Do you think television is bad?
Danny Tripp: Why do you ask?
Jack Rudolph: Because that's what you'll be asked by the press.
Danny Tripp: No - I think "My Mother the Car" was bad. I think this is something else.

Jack Rudolph: There's gonna be a press conference at noon on Monday announcing that you two are running "Studio 60". I know I can count on you to answer questions in a way that doesn't embarass the National Broadcasting System. Will that be hard for you?
Matt Albie: I wouldn't think it'd be hard for anybody, cause if you pointed a camera at two people masturbating it'd be among the least embarassing things on the National Broadcasting System. I'll tell Blair to start working on the deal.
Jordan McDeere: I've already got a dual masturbation show in active development, so...


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Nevada Day: Part 2 (#1.8)" (2006)
Jack Rudolph: My company doesn't have honor? One of my guys spent the day in two different police stations because he came to the defense of a woman who was being verbally and physically abused! He could have been out of it easy if he played the "Support our Troops" card, but he wasn't about to minimize the sacrifice of his brother and his brother's buddies. Simon Styles has prior convictions, but with the Budweiser Clydesdales, you couldn't stop him from making it clear to a judge that this much marijuana was his. This guy? I don't know what the hell he was doing, except trying to convince me that Jordan McDeere has been all over the gossip pages because, when she was twenty-five, she married a fraction of a man. And this man has been telling tales, both true and false, in the hope of selling a book and working the talk shows. Sir, of Jordan McDeere's faults, and there are MANY, lack of honor is not among them. She's killing me with her honor! So, I'm sorry, Mr. Zhang, you have insulted me, and you have insulted my company, and I think you should take your business to Time-Warner.

Jack Rudolph: My company doesn't have honor? One of my guys spent the day in two different police stations because he came to the defense of a woman who was being verbally and physically abused! He could have been out of it easy if he played the "Support our Troops" card, but he wasn't about to minimize the sacrifice of his brother and his brother's buddies. Simon Stiles has prior convictions, but with the Budweiser Clydesdales, you couldn't stop him from making it clear to a judge that this much marijuana was his. This guy? I don't know what the hell he was doing, except trying to convince me that Jordan McDeere has been all over the gossip pages because, when she was twenty-five, she married a fraction of a man. And this man has been telling tales, both true and false, in the hope of selling a book and working the talk shows. Sir, of Jordan McDeere's faults, and there are MANY, lack of honor is not among them. She's killing me with her honor! So, I'm sorry, Mr. Zhang, you have insulted me, and you have insulted my company, and I think you should take your business to Time-Warner.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Focus Group (#1.3)" (2006)
Jordan McDeere: Since when did Democrat or Republican become a demographic distinction we care about in the entertainment industry?
Jack Rudolph: Since the first plane took a left turn and gunned its engines into the North Tower, kitten.

Jack Rudolph: Thieves get rich, and Saints get shot, and God don't answer prayers a lot.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Harriet Dinner: Part II (#1.14)" (2007)
Tom Jeter: We have to stop giving her the Prairie Oyster, turns out we could kill this lunatic girl dead.
Jack Rudolph: [pause] Tom, Meet Kim's parents.
Tom Jeter: [turns around, sees Zhang and his wife]
[long pause]
Tom Jeter: Lunatic girl is an idiom in our language, meaning -
Jack Rudolph: Get out.

Zhang Tao: I pretend not to know English.
Jack Rudolph: Why?
Zhang Tao: [very solemn] It's fun.
Jack Rudolph: Well, yeah, I guess it would be.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Disaster Show (#1.17)" (2007)
Cal Shanley: Can we determine if there actually is a bomb in the building?
Jack Rudolph: I trust them, but just in case why don't we handcuff them to the building overnight


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Nevada Day: Part 1 (#1.7)" (2006)
Jack Rudolph: Hollywood isn't run by liberals, it's run by companies, and you can look for a pretty long time before finding a liberal on the board of directors of any of those companies.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Christmas Show (#1.11)" (2006)
Jordan McDeere: [to secretary] How's his mood?
Jack Rudolph: [off-screen] Son of a holy bitch!
Jordan McDeere: Never mind.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Cold Open (#1.2)" (2006)
Jack Rudolph: The Rapture's what I think it is, right? The world comes to an end - believers go up in a spaceship?
Jordan McDeere: It's not a spaceship; it's Jesus Christ.
Matt Albie: What happens to the non-believers?
Jordan McDeere: You get thrown down into a fiery pit.
Matt Albie: Can we just do that now?


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Wrap Party (#1.6)" (2006)
Cal Shanley: Suzanne, tell your guys to put tarps over everything. The last time we had a wrap party in the studio we had to shut down for two weeks while we replaced the studio.
Jordan McDeere: Cal!
Cal Shanley: Jordan.
Jordan McDeere: Great show!
Cal Shanley: Thanks
Jordan McDeere: You're great!
Cal Shanley: Thank you again.
Jordan McDeere: I've had a couple of glasses of wine.
Cal Shanley: No one would ever know
Jordan McDeere: I just bought my first show.
Cal Shanley: We heard, congratulations!
Jordan McDeere: It's a one hour drama about the United Nations.
Cal Shanley: It can't miss.
Jordan McDeere: I'm celebrating!
Cal Shanley: Well, enjoy the party.
Jordan McDeere: I'm also hiding from Jack Rudolph. I didn't bid on a reality show he wanted, and then to add injury to...
Cal Shanley: Insult to injury.
Jordan McDeere: Insult to injury, Wilson White backed me and took Jack's legs out from under him, so I'm hiding here tonight. This is like for me Superman's Dome of Pleasure.
Cal Shanley: Fortress of Solitude.
Jordan McDeere: Yes!
Cal Shanley: Well, enjoy yourself.
Jordan McDeere: I believe I will!
Jack Rudolph: [bursts through the doors] Guess who's in the hizzaayy!
Cal Shanley: SUZANNE! Tarps over everything!


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: K&R: Part 3 (#1.21)" (2007)
Jack Rudolph: I need you.
Matt Albie: Jack, my whole life I've been waiting to hear those words from you. Say them again, say them as if you...
Jack Rudolph: Shut up!


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The West Coast Delay (#1.4)" (2006)
Suzanne: Ms. McDeer, Jack Rudolph on the phone.
Jordan McDeere: [taking the phone] My boyfriend's calling me.
[to phone]
Jordan McDeere: Hey Jack!
Jack Rudolph: What the hell is going on over there?
Jordan McDeere: It's all under control, plus if you had any money on the Bangalore Union Cricket club, then its your lucky day.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: What Kind of Day Has It Been (#1.22)" (2007)
Jack Rudolph: Have you ever been married?
Simon Stiles: What?
Jack Rudolph: When you're married, you say "I'm sorry" a lot. You say "I'm sorry" when you don't mean it, you say "I'm sorry" when you just want to move the hell on, you say "I'm sorry" when you don't know what you could have possibly done wrong.
Simon Stiles: Aren't you getting divorced?
Jack Rudolph: Yeah, that's right.
Simon Stiles: Why?
Jack Rudolph: Cause I was tired of saying, "I'm sorry."
Simon Stiles: I appreciate your honesty.
Jack Rudolph: Well, that's more than I can say for my wife.