Danny Tripp
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Quotes for
Danny Tripp (Character)
from "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" (2006)

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"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Pilot (#1.1)" (2006)
[last lines]
Danny Tripp: What are you smiling about?
Matt Albie: Nice studio. It's a great studio with an incredible history. The people who've had this stage...
Danny Tripp: You like it?
Matt Albie: Yeah.
Danny Tripp: Good, 'cause we live here now.

Matt Albie: Are you people using the confidential information that Danny failed a drug test to force him into taking over Studio 60 to deflect attention from what happened on the air tonight?
Jack Rudolph: [long pause] ... He failed a drug test?
Jordan McDeere: Yeah, actually Matt, I was the only one who knew about that. Shoulda trusted me a little, Danny.
Matt Albie: [to Danny] Sorry about that, that one was all me.
Danny Tripp: Yeah.
Matt Albie: [to everyone] Ironically, I'm the one who's high as a paper kite right now, but legitimately. I had back surgery Tuesday. L5 S1, if that means anything to you. Stop talking now? Yeah, you bet.

Danny Tripp: They broke up.
Julie: Oh no! Why?
Danny Tripp: Because he couldn't stop himself from speaking.
Matt Albie: I was right, she was wrong, I'm all about the truth, partner.

Danny Tripp: Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I was...
Matt Albie: Forget that. But it's going to be our show now, and only one of use can screw up at a time. And I think we both know that most of the time it's going to be me. You're the big shoulders.
Danny Tripp: I hear you.
Matt Albie: Good. Because I don't remember what I just said.
Danny Tripp: I do.

Matt Albie: But it's gonna be our show now, and only one of us can screw up at a time and I think that we both know that most of the time, it's gonna be me. You're the big shoulders.
Danny Tripp: I hear you.
Matt Albie: Good, cause I don't remember what I just said.
Danny Tripp: I do.

Danny Tripp: Matt, you can get another director. You can get someone good.
Matt Albie: I don't want someone else. I want you.
Danny Tripp: The joke was "I don't want someone good, I want you."

Matt Albie: Okay, look, wait. I'll bond you.
Danny Tripp: What?
Matt Albie: I'll pay for the bond!
Danny Tripp: How much money do you have?
Matt Albie: Well... with my savings, and investments, and my percentage of the first dollar gross in this movie... sixty-five dollars.

Danny Tripp: Vancouver doesn't look like anything. It doesn't even look like Vancouver. It looks like Boston, California.

Matt Albie: Are they swinging this thing in front of your face?
Danny Tripp: The point is, the new movie...
Matt Albie: Sons of bitches!
[takes off running]
Danny Tripp: - does not have to - Matt? Matt!

Matt Albie: [after falling] Sorry. That was strange. I'm sorry.
Danny Tripp: You all right?
Matt Albie: Yeah. I'm on some medication right now that I guess makes me... not know where chairs are.

Danny Tripp: I have no reason to trust you and every reason not to.
Jordan McDeere: Why?
Danny Tripp: You work in television.

Jack Rudolph: Do you think television is bad?
Danny Tripp: Why do you ask?
Jack Rudolph: Because that's what you'll be asked by the press.
Danny Tripp: No - I think "My Mother the Car" was bad. I think this is something else.

Matt Albie: Thanks, man. I miss her. I really do. I'm dying inside, and I appreciate your support.
Danny Tripp: Matt.
Matt Albie: Yeah?
Danny Tripp: Go up on the stage now.
Matt Albie: Why?
Danny Tripp: You just won.
Matt Albie: Really?
Danny Tripp: Yeah.
Matt Albie: Hey, that's great!

Danny Tripp: [speaking about Jordan McDeere] You gotta give her style points.
Matt Albie: Yeah.
Danny Tripp: And you gotta ask yourself...
Matt Albie: What?
Danny Tripp: What if she's for real?
Matt Albie: [smiles] Yeah.

Danny Tripp: You left him on for 53 seconds.
Cal Shanley: Yeah
Danny Tripp: What the hell, Cal? You practice that. It's live air. Tell you what. I don't think it was an accident. I think you left him on.
Cal Shanley: I did. And you guys do what you gotta do here. There won't be any hard feelings.
Danny Tripp: We need you to stay.
Cal Shanley: [chuckles]
Danny Tripp: All right then.
[pause]
Danny Tripp: Cal? If you'd left him on for 54 seconds, I'd have given you a raise.

Matt Albie: How did it know?
Danny Tripp: How did it know what?
Matt Albie: Exactly how much time was left in the week?
Danny Tripp: Yeah, it's a miracle of technology that we've invented an electronic device that can count backwards from seven.
Matt Albie: But it was off.
Danny Tripp: It has a battery.
Matt Albie: [in horror] So it always knows?
Danny Tripp: Don't endow the thing with special powers, Matt - it's a clock.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Christmas Show (#1.11)" (2006)
Danny Tripp: We're having a baby?
Jordan McDeere: I'M having a baby.
Danny Tripp: Relax, you'll be involved.

Danny Tripp: It says here that you're going to have to make a journey of 1200 miles to bury your eggs in the warm mud.
Jordan McDeere: Danny?
Danny Tripp: Wait, that can't be you.
Jordan McDeere: No.
Danny Tripp: It's an Alaskan King Crab that has to do that.

Danny Tripp: Was sleeping with him for that information really worth it?
Jordan McDeere: I didn't sleep with him for the information, he gave me the information so that he could sleep with me.
Danny Tripp: Still, integrity all over the place.
Jordan McDeere: This is time for a lecture?
Danny Tripp: No, that was about twelve weeks ago. By the way, did you and the Last Honest Man get loaded on Jagermeister and forget that there's like 500 different types of birth control?

Danny Tripp: [to Jordan] Can I talk to you a second? I've been married twice before, and am a recovering cocaine addict, and I know that's no woman's dream of a man, or of a father; nonetheless, I believe I'm falling in love with you. If you want to run, I understand, but you'd better get a head start 'cause I'm coming for you Jordan. You should go ahead and chew that sandwich.

Danny Tripp: At 12 weeks a baby should be about 2 inches in length and way less than an ounce.
[pause]
Danny Tripp: If you're under 35...
Jordan McDeere: I'm under 35.
Danny Tripp: [puts down magazine] This is no time for vanity.
Jordan McDeere: I'm under 35.

Danny Tripp: I've been married twice before, and I'm a recovering cocaine addict, and I know that's no woman's dream of a man, or a father. Nonetheless, I believe I'm falling in love with you. If you want to run, I understand, but you better get a good head start because I'm coming for you, Jordan

[trying to figure out how to make snow]
Cal Shanley: Shaved coconuts!
Matt Albie: Perfect! And they're indigenous to LA.
Danny Tripp: No, they're not.
Matt Albie: They grow on palm trees!
Danny Tripp: Not ours.
Matt Albie: What do ours do?
Danny Tripp: Nothing.
Matt Albie: This city needs me.

Matt Albie: Danny? You're caring more about other people than you usually do.
Danny Tripp: You're the one who just said, 'What's she gonna do about the upfronts?'.
Matt Albie: Mine was an idle question, then I moved on to other things in my head.
Danny Tripp: So was mine.
Matt Albie: No, it wasn't. It was genuine interest.
Danny Tripp: Look, in case you haven't noticed, she's doing a good job.
Matt Albie: And there you just defended her.
Danny Tripp: What's wrong with that?
Matt Albie: For starters, no one's attacking her.
Danny Tripp: Go write!
Matt Albie: Okay.
[Matt leaves, Danny slams his hand on the desk, Matt returns]
Matt Albie: What?
Danny Tripp: Nothing.
Matt Albie: Say it. Just say it out loud!

Matt Albie: You were right, you know?
Danny Tripp: About what?
Matt Albie: We do live here now.
Danny Tripp: Merry Christmas.
Matt Albie: Merry Christmas.

Danny Tripp: Why won't you tell me who the father is?
Jordan McDeere: You don't know him.
Danny Tripp: I don't want to know him.
Jordan McDeere: How do you know?
Danny Tripp: Cause if he was someone I wanted to know he'd be here.
Jordan McDeere: [pause] What makes you think I told him?
Danny Tripp: Cause I do know you.

Matt Albie: They calculated the number of homes with children and the average weight of two presents per child.
Danny Tripp: What'd they come up with?
Matt Albie: He'd
[Santa]
Matt Albie: need 214,200 reindeer pulling a sled weighing 321,000 tons at 3000 times the speed of sound.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Focus Group (#1.3)" (2006)
Ricky Tahoe: Can we cut to the chase?
Danny Tripp: Yeah! If it were up to me, we'd even cut the chase.
Ricky Tahoe: What problem do the two of you have with the two of us and when is it gonna stop?
Danny Tripp: Whoa... whoa. First of all, Matt and I are two separate people. Don't paint us with the same brush. Matt has a problem with you. I'm completely indifferent towards you.
Ricky Tahoe: Was that supposed to be funny?
Danny Tripp: Guys, I've gotta get back in there.
Ricky Tahoe: Danny...
Danny Tripp: Bill Maher. He made a politically incorrect observation on his own show, helpfully titled Politically Incorrect, and the sky fell down on him. Matt was one of the first guys to take up his side and so the sky fell down on him. And when AP asked you for a reaction quote, do you remember what you said?
Ricky Tahoe: It was more than four years ago, Danny. I have no earthly idea what I said.
Ron Oswald: I do.
Ricky Tahoe: Ron...
Ron Oswald: You said, "Matt Albie certainly doesn't speak for the cast, crew and staff of Studio 60, whose thoughts and prayers are with the brave men and women who lost their lives on September 11th."
Danny Tripp: See? He got it word-for-word. Were Matt's thoughts and prayers *not* with the brave men and women who lost their lives on September 11th?
Ricky Tahoe: It was 9/11! Everyone was out of their friggin' minds, and by the way... I'm the one pushing the Bush sketches!
Danny Tripp: Yeah, I'd imagine now that the President's approval rating is seven guys in Tupelo, Mississippi, the water feels a little safer. Anyway, you asked the question, so...
Ricky Tahoe: And how long is this gonna go on?
Danny Tripp: That's entirely up to him.
Ricky Tahoe: He needs us, and you know it too! Nobody can write ninety minutes of television every week by themselves. He'll be dead by his sixth show.
Danny Tripp: And when that happens, I'm sure you'll be ready to take his job.

Matt Albie: Tell me the truth. You've talked to them, tell me the truth. How important is audience retention tonight?
Danny Tripp: It's important, Matt! We can't lose more than ten percent, what do you think? The sponsors, the affiliates, the press, the Right, our job, Jordan's job, everybody's job, it's important!
Matt Albie: Alright, lie to me next time.
Danny Tripp: That's what I'm saying...

Jordan McDeere: I'm sorry about the stupid thing I said in your office... about the drugs.
Danny Tripp: Thirty-thousand died in car fatalities last year. Seventeen-thousand of them weren't wearing seatbelts.
Jordan McDeere: What does that have to do with anything?
Danny Tripp: No, it's just you read it all the time. Two guys in a car, one wearing a seatbelt, the other one isn't, they're doing sixty down Mulholland, they blow into a telephone poll, the guy wearing the seatbelt's got two bruised ribs, a cut on his forehead, and the guy without the seatbelt gets decapitated.
Jordan McDeere: [referring to the time she was arrested on DUI charges] I was wearing a seatbelt.
Danny Tripp: I'm sure you were, I'm just not as sure that everyone else on the Long Island Expressway was. When I put a life in danger, it's my own.

Danny Tripp: [to Jordan] You know, you look like one of them, but you talk like one of us.

Danny Tripp: They wanna see you take fewer whacks at Bush, and it looks like they're getting their wish.
Matt Albie: It's four years ago, all over again.
Danny Tripp: What did you think it was gonna be?
Matt Albie: Four years later, and by the way I'd be happy to take shots at the Democrats if one of them would say or do something!

Cal Shanley: A transformer's out, something fell on a power line.
Danny Tripp: Are they fixing it?
Cal Shanley: In a manner of speaking.
Danny Tripp: What does that mean?
Cal Shanley: They don't know how to fix it.
Danny Tripp: [pause] How much do I want to know about this?
Cal Shanley: As little as possible.

Matt Albie: [Tackling Danny, knocking him to the ground] I'm three years younger and I'm faster than you, old man.
Danny Tripp: [Flipping Matt over, pinning him] Three years older and I'm stronger than you, little boy.

[Danny has Matt pinned under him, on the beach]
Matt Albie: Are people looking at us right now?
Danny Tripp: I think they are.
Matt Albie: Well, could you punch me in the face or something, 'cause to a causal observer this appears a little homoerotic for my comfort.

Matt Albie: It's an acquired taste, but once you acquire it, it's like barrel-smoked whiskey.
Danny Tripp: What's that?
Matt Albie: I don't know, I think I might have made it up. What gets smoked in barrels?
Danny Tripp: Scotch.
Matt Albie: Scotch *is* whiskey. It's scotch whiskey.

Jeannie Whatley: [Matt and Danny have been walking along, ignoring Jeannie calling to them] IDIOT boys!
Danny Tripp: [they stop]
[to Matt]
Danny Tripp: Is she talking to us?
Matt Albie: Yep.

Danny Tripp: Commit to it. You're gonna feel a strong instinct to make it bigger. Fight that with everything you got. No comedian you admire has ever been afraid of silence.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Cold Open (#1.2)" (2006)
Matt Albie: Was there something you came to see me about?
Danny Tripp: Yes.
Matt Albie: What?
Danny Tripp: We don't need to do it now, but at some point I'm going to need you to level with me about Harriet. I need to know how big of a problem it's going to be.
Matt Albie: It's not going to be a problem at all.
Danny Tripp: It will if you are still in love with her.
Matt Albie: I'm not. I'm not. Danny, I love her talent. The woman's got millions of fans but there are maybe fifty guys in town who know how good she is and we're two of them. I admire her. I'm knocked out by her talent. And I like it when she makes me laugh, and I like making her laugh, which isn't easy to do, so it's gratifying. She's undeniably sexy. I like it when she smiles at me, and a couple of other things, but that's it.
Danny Tripp: Oh my God, we are so screwed.
Matt Albie: I know.

Danny Tripp: It' gonna be a problem if you're in love with her.
Matt Albie: I'm not.
[sees Danny's disbelieving stare]
Matt Albie: I'm not!

Matt Albie: You know this thing is all over talk radio?
Danny Tripp: What did you expect?
Matt Albie: A caller from Taluca Lake called us Barbara Streisand loving, Michael Moore worshiping jackasses.
Danny Tripp: Well, what have I always told you about listening to show tunes?
Matt Albie: Don't do it.
Danny Tripp: Don't do it.

[Danny turns on the countdown clock]
Matt Albie: How did it know?
Danny Tripp: How did it know what?
Matt Albie: Exactly how much time was left in the week.
Danny Tripp: Yeah, it's a miracle of technology that we've invented an electronic device that can count backwards from seven.
Matt Albie: But it was off.
Danny Tripp: It has a battery.
Matt Albie: [in horror] So it always knows?
Danny Tripp: Don't endow the thing with special powers Matt - it's a clock.

[Matt looks at the episode schedule which only has the White Stripes' performances on it]
Matt Albie: Can the White Stripes play for an hour and a half?
Danny Tripp: Jack White's got acute tonsillitis. They can't play at all. Jane's working on it.
Matt Albie: Okay.
[Matt takes down the cards with the White Stripes' performances, then looks at the completely empty schedule]
Matt Albie: Yeah, that's better.

Matt Albie: Wait a second. The caller from Taluca Lake, was she calling us Hollywood liberals or was she calling us gay?
Danny Tripp: It's a pretty fine distinction.

Danny Tripp: Stick around, okay? And when we're done, I need to choke you to death.
Jordan McDeere: You bet.

Danny Tripp: I've been watching you all this week, and, I gotta tell you, I love what I see. Matt?
Matt Albie: The audience was standing out in the heat for a pretty long time. People don't laugh as much when they're hot cause they're sticky and uncomfortable.
Danny Tripp: Alright! Good pep talk!


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: B-12 (#1.10)" (2006)
Danny Tripp: How's it going?
Matt Albie: Good... good... good... good... good.
Danny Tripp: Yeah?
Matt Albie: Absolutely.
Danny Tripp: Good.
Matt Albie: No.
Danny Tripp: Yeah.
Matt Albie: We may need a little help.
Danny Tripp: Yeah.

Nurse: [after Dylan passes out from a virus that is spreading through the cast] This thing is gonna kill us all.
Danny Tripp: Oh thanks, Sunshine.
Nurse: And could these lights possibly be any hotter?
Danny Tripp: Nope, this is as hot as they get.

Danny Tripp: Well the problem is, when you were little and your parents told you you were funny, you didn't realize they were just trying to be nice.

Matt Albie: Have you let Martha have it for her column?
Danny Tripp: Huh?
Matt Albie: You said you were gonna let Martha have it, and I wanted to see that.
Danny Tripp: Well, I banished her from the floor.
Matt Albie: She's right there on the floor next to you.
Danny Tripp: Well, she has full access.
Matt Albie: She's waiving at me right now.
Danny Tripp: I know.
Matt Albie: Almost seems like she's mocking you...

Danny Tripp: You'll learn. Did you read Martha O'Dell's column on Tuesday?
Suzanne: Yes.
Danny Tripp: Do you agree it's terrible that she sourced an anonymous web post to support her point?
Suzanne: I liked the piece.
Danny Tripp: Never disagree with me.
Suzanne: It made me sick.

Danny Tripp: Took a lot of convincing, but Suzanne's agreed to be your assistant.
Matt Albie: Yeah?
Suzanne: If you'll take me.
Matt Albie: I'll take the hell outta ya.
Suzanne: Is there a way you'd like me to dress?
Matt Albie: Sure, but I have to wake up for school now.
Danny Tripp: Tell Karen to draw you two hundred dollars from petty cash and buy some nice work clothes.
Suzanne: Two hundred dollars?
Danny Tripp: It's on us.
Suzanne: Am I working for Matt in 1963?

Suzanne: You both need to get B-12 shots from the nurse.
Matt Albie: I've had mine and Danny can't have one.
Danny Tripp: Why not?
Matt Albie: Memo said you can't have the shot if you're pregnant.
Danny Tripp: Yeah.
Matt Albie: Seriously, it can be dangerous if you're pregnant.
Danny Tripp: I'm not pregnant.
Matt Albie: Have you checked? You're been pretty hormonal.
Danny Tripp: It's testosterone.
Matt Albie: It's Estrogen. Suzanne, why don't you get Danny one of those little kits - you probably keep a bunch in your car.
Danny Tripp: [to Suzanne] He's trying to get a riff going. Don't feed the fire and it will go out.
Matt Albie: One more thing...
Danny Tripp: What?
Matt Albie: You can't get that shot if you're pregnant.
Danny Tripp: You know Chevy Chase woke up one day, and he just wasn't funny any more.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: 4 A.M. Miracle (#1.16)" (2007)
Danny Tripp: The first day of work, I said, "You and Harriet, is it gonna be a problem?" You said, "No, Danny, no, it's not gonna be a problem."
Matt Albie: Did I say it in the same creepy little voice you just used?

Danny Tripp: It's Wednesday night; it all comes together on Wednesday night.
Jordan McDeere: So why do I pay you guys for Monday and Tuesday?
Danny Tripp: Because you love me.
Jordan McDeere: A little.
Danny Tripp: No, huge.
Jordan McDeere: Mmm, I've loved other guys, it's a passing thing.

Jordan McDeere: [about her new "Real Care" baby's crying] It just told me I'd stuffed it in a Prada bag!
Danny Tripp: The real baby's gonna do that too.
Jordan McDeere: Yeah, but now I know not to... you know...
Danny Tripp: Stuff the baby in a bag? You knew that before.
Jordan McDeere: But now I can practice comforting.
Danny Tripp: You turned it off with a remote.

Danny Tripp: Look, I know you're nervous, and God understands that. So he made the first year an on ramp, okay? You're not up to full speed, you're just merging with other traffic.
Jordan McDeere: You know how many times I've busted my car merging with other traffic?
Danny Tripp: Okay, you don't drive the baby. Ever.

Danny Tripp: Well, now we know not to put the baby's head in a guillotine.

[Tom and Cal have accidentally chopped the head off a RealCare baby with a guillotine]
Danny Tripp: How's it goin'?
Tom Jeter: Good.
Danny Tripp: OH MY GOD!
Tom Jeter: 'cept that we beheaded the baby.
Danny Tripp: The hell did you do?
Cal Shanley: Problem?
Danny Tripp: Yes, it's a problem. This is a special doll with... with computer sensors.
Cal Shanley: I've heard about those things. RealCare babies, they're supposed to be indestructible.
Danny Tripp: Yeah, they are, unless you drop an 80 pound hydraulic axe on their head.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: What Kind of Day Has It Been (#1.22)" (2007)
Danny Trip: They won't let me pick up the baby.
Harriet Hayes: I know.
Danny Trip: They won't let me see Jordan because while in a *hospital* she got an infection.
Harriet Hayes: Yes.
Danny Trip: They won't let me pick up the baby out of fear that I may steal her and sell her into slavery.
Harriet Hayes: Yeah.
Danny Trip: In the meantime Tom's brother, who joined the Air Force on September 12, is being held by the Taliban and Simon has gone on TV and apparently expressed his allegiance to Al-Qaeda. This can't possibly be my life.

Danny Trip: She got 9 out of 10 on the APGAR.
Jordan McDeere: [smiling excitedly] Nine out of 10! What'd she miss?
Danny Trip: She didn't grimace. But we're gonna work on that.
Doctor: Yeah, this kid isn't going to be under a lot of pressure at all.

Matt Albie: Mazel tov.
Danny Tripp: Gesundheit.

Danny Tripp: Hey, Matthew, don't take this the wrong way, but... I love you.
Matt Albie: Okay.
Danny Tripp: Did you take it the wrong way?
Matt Albie: I took it to mean that you're gay and you want me.
Danny Tripp: Good.

Danny Tripp: I just stood in Jack's office and said, "Screw friendship, screw honor, screw patriotism." That's how I talked about myself. And then I added, "We just lost the franchise." That's how I talked about Matt, who would stand in front of a train for any of us, including you while you're screwing Luke. He's been threatened by the Network, compromised by me, brow-beaten by you, heart-broken by Wes, and he's still standing up. Why am I quitting? Cause they're gonna start shooting at him and I'm gonna be standing next to him when they do. You're a talented girl, have a good show this week.

Matt Albie: Does she have a name?
Danny Trip: Baby Girl McDeere.
Matt Albie: You're hoping she'll become a stripper.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The West Coast Delay (#1.4)" (2006)
Danny Tripp: Okay, people, just like we did it three hours ago. Only, you know, legal.

Matt Albie: What the hell kind of a mind works on a Juliette Lewis impression?
Danny Tripp: The same kind of mind that takes it and puts it in Tim Russert's chair.

[last lines]
Danny Tripp: We own the copyright?
[Matt and Danny smile, and turn to Simon and Harriet at the desk]
Simon Stiles: No!
Danny Tripp: Yep, just one more time! Get me Cally, get Jordan a drink, and send Jack Rudolph a nice thing of balloons
Simon Stiles: Matt, anything in particular you want me to say to anyone who might still be watching?
[Matt scribbles on Simon's cue sheet]
Simon Stiles: [reading Matt's writing, and sighing] This is not the comedy we intended to do when the week began.

Danny Tripp: Seven second delay.
Cal Shanley: Yeah?
Danny Tripp: How does the math work? We add 7 seconds?
Cal Shanley: We subtract 7 seconds.
Danny Tripp: We add it.
Cal Shanley: We subtract it.
Danny Tripp: The tape broadcast happens seven seconds later in the West than it did live in the East.
Cal Shanley: That's why you subtract seven seconds.
Danny Tripp: You don't add it?
Jordan McDeere: Oh, and this has me bathed in confidence.
Danny Tripp: We're fine. I'm going to go have a conversation with Ricky and Ron.
Jordan McDeere: Is this going to work?
Cal Shanley: Sure.
Jordan McDeere: You've done it before?
Cal Shanley: A hundred times. Well, really? No, never, but I can't think what the problem would be.
Jordan McDeere: Sure, what could possibly go wrong?
Cal Shanley: There you go.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: K&R: Part 3 (#1.21)" (2007)
[in the hospital. Harriet is trying to cheer up Danny, after he got an update on the crititical situation of Jordan]
Harriet Hayes: I'll give you two choices.
Harriet Hayes: I can do more Holly Hunter.
Danny Trip: Or?
Harriet Hayes: I can teach you how to pray.
Danny Trip: Teach me.
Harriet Hayes: God always wins.
Danny Trip: Nah, it's just... Your Holly Hunter is unbearable.
Harriet Hayes: Whatever.

Danny Tripp: He wrote and recorded a treason jingle?

Harriet Hayes: [Harriet and Danny are at the hospital chapel] Get down on your knees.
Danny Trip: Really?
Harriet Hayes: Yeah.
Danny Trip: Why?
Harriet Hayes: Respect.
Danny Trip: See, this is my first speed bump. I would think if I were God, I wouldn't have any ego problems. I wouldn't need "Oh Lord, Creator of the Universe, Most Powerful and Merciful and... Handsome of all the Deities." There's a baby that's two weeks premature. Her mom can't stop bleeding. My friend and employee's brother is being held prisoner by medieval heroin dealers. If he needs 10 minutes of sucking up before he'll fix this, I don't wanna work with him.
Harriet Hayes: The kneeling isn't for him, it's for you.
Danny Trip: How is it for me?
Harriet Hayes: It takes the average person in America 60 years to make what you make in a year. Takes the average person in the world 60 *lifetimes* to earn what you earn in a year. You have choices. Same is true for me, and the one thing that isn't handed to you on a silver platter is humility. So I like to begin each day on my knees and each day on my knees.
Danny Trip: If he's everything you say he is, I shouldn't have to audition.
Harriet Hayes: It's not an audition.
Danny Trip: If he's real...
Harriet Hayes: He is.
Danny Trip: ...and he loves me...
Harriet Hayes: He does.
Danny Trip: ...why not just fix it?
Harriet Hayes: I don't know. And I'm hoping it's going to be a long, long time before you get to ask him yourself.
[pause]
Harriet Hayes: Get on your knees.
Danny Trip: I wasn't handed anything on a platter. I'm who I am because my parents gave me opportunities. I'm who I am because I worked hard and got good grades. I got what I got because I went after a non-paying entry-level television internship and proved myself. I got what I got because I took *action.*
Harriet Hayes: Are you a surgeon or a hematologist?
Danny Trip: No.
Harriet Hayes: Then what action can you take now?
Danny Trip: [pause] I'm sorry. It... It feels wrong to be in this room.
[exits]
Harriet Hayes: [looking upwards] This isn't the time, but he... made some reasonably good points.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: K&R: Part 2 (#1.20)" (2007)
Doctor: Do you have a friend who can come down and just sit with you and help you relax?
Matt Albie: Danny! Sorry we're late, but Racer X here was driving, and we hit a parking meter.
Harriet Hayes: You kept shouting, "Turn left! Turn left!"
Matt Albie: Yeah, at the street.
Danny Tripp: These are the calming influences.
Doctor: Okay. I'm gonna head back in.

Danny Tripp: Right before she went in, I... I asked, I gave her the ring, she said yes.
Matt Albie: Well, I hadn't finished writing the proposal.
Danny Tripp: I know.
Matt Albie: Which draft did you use?
Danny Tripp: I didn't use any.
Matt Albie: You... ad libbed?
Danny Tripp: I had to.
Matt Albie: I was working on this great marriage proposal for him!
Danny Tripp: What did you want me to do?
Matt Albie: The... the text! You can't just wing it!
Danny Tripp: It worked!
Matt Albie: Well, mine would've worked better!
Danny Tripp: How?

Matt Albie: Fifteen minutes goes by without me hearing from you, I'm driving over there with a police escort.
Danny Tripp: Where are you getting a police escort from?
Matt Albie: I will commit a crime and lead them in a high speed chase if I have to! I am NOT kidding around!


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Monday (#1.12)" (2007)
Danny Tripp: At least I'm back on television.

Jordan McDeere: You asked me out once, I said no. You asked me out again, I said no. You asked me out *again*, I said no.
Danny Tripp: I'm sorry... I didn't mean to embarass you.
Jordan McDeere: Would you please stop?
Danny Tripp: [pause] No.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Option Period (#1.9)" (2006)
Jordan McDeere: What did you end up deciding with Harriet and the concerts?
Matt Albie: I told her it was up to her but they ended up telling her they didn't want her.
Jordan McDeere: Oh, you're kidding?
Matt Albie: No.
Danny Tripp: What was this?
Matt Albie: Harriet was scheduled to appear in a bunch of concerts around the country on Monday nights for a group called Women United Through Faith. She's been active in the group since she was little.
Danny Tripp: They didn't like her quote?
Matt Albie: They felt she seemed to be endorsing gay marriage and that this "wasn't the right time." She's also going to get slammed by Out Magazine for seeming to be against gay marriage. I really think it takes a special kind of rhetorical talent to say something thats draws an admonition from both of those groups at the same time.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Wrap Party (#1.6)" (2006)
Danny Tripp: You need to trust me on this.
Matt Albie: You are?
Danny Tripp: Twice divorced
Matt Albie: And you have?
Danny Tripp: No one special in my life
Matt Albie: And you haven't for?
Danny Tripp: Quite some time


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Harriet Dinner: Part I (#1.13)" (2007)
Matt Albie: For the record, I like seeing you this way.
Danny Tripp: In pain?
Matt Albie: No, you know, I don't know.