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Quotes for
Darius Hawthorne (Character)
from "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" (2006)

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"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Christmas Show (#1.11)" (2006)
Matt Albie: [Matt has brought a small, misshapen Christmas tree into the writer's room] That happens to be a noble fir, they grow to 10 feet tall.
Darius Hawthorne: Yeah, I don't think that one's gonna make it.

Matt Albie: Screw Christmas? Not on my watch! Look, I hate Los Angeles like everybody else but I have to work here 'cause in any other part of the country I'm unemployable so we are going to deck the halls with boughs of holly. I wanna hear sketch ideas with Santa and Rudolph and chestnuts and burning logs.
Darius Hawthorne: We could set the...
Matt Albie: Shut up!


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: B-12 (#1.10)" (2006)
Darius Hawthorne: [while Andy reads a new sketch] What do you think?
Andy Mackinaw: I'm on page 2 and I still don't know what it's about.
Darius Hawthorne: See, it's about the world's dumbest criminal who takes hostages in a bank...
Andy Mackinaw: 'Kay, well you're going to have to explain it to everybody in the audience exactly like that, because I'm on page 2 and I still don't know what it's about.

Andy Mackinaw: [after Darius and Lucy's sketch receives absolutely no laughs at the dress rehearsal] Yep... That's what tanking is like.
Lucy Kenwright: That was unbearable. Was that really only 3 minutes?
Andy Mackinaw: Actually it ran short. No one had to hold for laughter.
Darius Hawthorne: Come on, let's get out of here.
Andy Mackinaw: Wait here a minute.
Darius Hawthorne: For what?
Andy Mackinaw: The metaphor.
Andy Mackinaw: [Darius suddenly has a door thrown right in his face by a person running out of the studio] Okay, come on.


"Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Option Period (#1.9)" (2006)
Lucy Kenwright: [finishing typing the script] I'm finished.
Ricky Tahoe: It's done?
Lucy Kenwright: I meant with my career.
Ricky Tahoe: That's just not true.
[pause]
Ricky Tahoe: Plus, if things don't work out for you here, you can always go back and write for Benny Hill
Lucy Kenwright: Bite me.
Ricky Tahoe: Give me a kiss.
Lucy Kenwright: I don't think so.
Matt Albie: [walking into the room] Hi.
[Lucy walks over to Matt and kisses him full on the mouth]
Lucy Kenwright: [to Ricky] That was to be mean to you. Goodbye!
[exits, Darius behind]
Matt Albie: [to Darius] You just keep on walking!
Darius Hawthorne: Yes sir!