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: What do you look for in a woman? Dex
: Uh... Low Standards.
: I made a schedule on my computer. Dex
: How Marcia Brady of you!
: But I think seriously that most people want a composite of the opposite sex. Ya know, cuz you gals aren't ever going to find Antonio Banderas with the personality of Fred MacMurray. And I'm never going to get Rachel Welch with the personality of Lucille Ball. Syd
: What's wrong with just Lucille Ball? Rick
: What's wrong with just Rachel Welch? Dex
: Amen! I mean my biggest fear is that I'm gonna marry the woman that I want to hang out with and talk to in my golden years and then die in a fiery car crash when I'm forty and I miss all those years of having sex.
: [to Dex
] But you've never been happy with any women you've dated. Dex
: Well, that's Male Insanity Syndrome. Ya know, that is just you're with a woman and no matter how cool she is, you're always thinking "Maybe I could do a little better or I could trade up somehow. Syd
: "Trade up?"
[Dex takes a substantial hit off a bong at 7:30am
: Would you describe this as a typical morning for you? Dex
: [Trying not to exhale
] Hell no. Usually I spend this time cross-training.
: So, you smoke pot for breakfast, you work part time, and you... Dex
: ...have limited potential.
: Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler. He did a lot. But don't we all wish he woulda just stayed home and gotten stoned? Syd
: Oh, I see. So you're only options are to get stoned or commit genocide?
: Don Giovanni slept with thousands of women because he was afraid he wouldn't be loved by one.
: You couldn't resist my powerful penetrating stare, could you? Syd
: No, I wanted to tell you, you had a huge glob of guacamole on your shirt.
: Okay, so, if you're falling in love with me, you... why are you with all these other women? Dex
: Oh, come on. Am I supposed to remain celibate while I bask in like the warm glow of your annihilating contempt?
[At night, in their tents
: Good night, Rick! Rick
: Good night, Dex. Dex
: Good night, Maggie! Maggie
: Good night, John Boy. Dex
: Goodnight, Syd. Syd
: MY GOD DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING?
: Y'know, no one ever says, "Hey, God, how was your day? What can I do for you, God?" Or, "Hey, God, did you catch Letterman last night?" Syd
: Oh, and I suppose you talk to God like that? Dex
: Always. All the time. Syd
: And what does God say? Dex
: He says, "You know what? I saw Letterman and it sucked."
: Did you just kiss my boo boo? Syd
: Did it help? Dex
: A little. You might have to do it again.
: I don't want god to punish you. Dex
: Okay. Dex
: I wanna punish you.