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: Do you want to have sex with this woman? Dave
: Definitely. Dex
: Okay, then you're violating the first rule of being Steve. Dave
: Who? Dex
: You must learn to eliminate your desire. Rick
: It's Buddhist. Dex
: I think the Taoists said it first. Rick
: Hey, are we gonna have a seminar or are we gonna play golf? Dex
: Just a short seminar on the elimination of desire, okay? If you're out with this girl and even THINKING about getting laid, you're finished, cuz women can smell an agenda like shit on a shoe.
: Okay, so if I'm not a Steve, then what am I? Dex
: You... You're... a Stu.
: I'm serious. If you're hanging out with women as friends, your doing your research in the wrong library. Dave
: What's wrong with being friends with women? Dex
: Nothing, but getting out of that category of 'friend' is harder than like getting out of Alcatraz.
: Fuck you, man. You're all Steve's and I'm Gomer Fucking Pyle, man? Fuck that. Screw you guys.
: Awwww, dude, there's a certain order you're supposed to do things in, and telling someone you love them is definitely last in that order. Dave
: Well, when are you supposed to tell 'em? Dex
: I dunno. Maybe your 40th wedding anniversary or something?
: You think it's more honest to pretend to listen to a woman when you're just thinking about getting laid. Dave
: I think it's more honest than pretending I don't wanna get laid, ya know? Dex
: That's the whole point. Don't pretend, man. Just really let go of your desire.
: I'm not looking for enlightenment, Dex. I'm looking for a girlfriend.
: I'M A TAOIST!
: [Paraphrasing the Tao of Steve
] "Be desireless. Be excellent. Be gone."
: What are you excellent at? Dave
: I'm an excellent camper. Dex
: Ok, but you can't camp in front of a woman.