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: Do you want to have sex with this woman? Dave
: Definitely. Dex
: Okay, then you're violating the first rule of being Steve. Dave
: Who? Dex
: You must learn to eliminate your desire. Rick
: It's Buddhist. Dex
: I think the Taoists said it first. Rick
: Hey, are we gonna have a seminar or are we gonna play golf? Dex
: Just a short seminar on the elimination of desire, okay? If you're out with this girl and even THINKING about getting laid, you're finished, cuz women can smell an agenda like shit on a shoe.
: Look at me. Look at me, okay? Technically, I shouldn't be getting laid, but I do. And do you know why, Dave? Because when I'm hanging out with a woman, that's all I'm doing is hanging out, talking, listening. I'm not sitting there thinking about how to get in bed with her. And this completely confuses them because they're saying "Wait a minute. I'm so much better looking than this guy. Isn't he attracted to me?" The basic principle: We pursue that which retreats from us. Rick
: It's from Heidegger. Unnamed Guy Playing Poker
: Groucho Marks said the same thing. "Act like a woman can't join your club, and she'll do almost anything to get in."
: Can I talk to you second? Dex
: I'm blanching the butter. Rick
: Okay, Martha Stewart. When you're done?
: But I think seriously that most people want a composite of the opposite sex. Ya know, cuz you gals aren't ever going to find Antonio Banderas with the personality of Fred MacMurray. And I'm never going to get Rachel Welch with the personality of Lucille Ball. Syd
: What's wrong with just Lucille Ball? Rick
: What's wrong with just Rachel Welch? Dex
: Amen! I mean my biggest fear is that I'm gonna marry the woman that I want to hang out with and talk to in my golden years and then die in a fiery car crash when I'm forty and I miss all those years of having sex.
: Dex is just bitter because he's never been in love. Dex
] I love my dog.
: There'll be walking. Dex
] Yeah? Rick
: And climbing. Dex
: I know. Rick
: Outdoors. Dex
: Shut the fuck up.
[At night, in their tents
: Good night, Rick! Rick
: Good night, Dex. Dex
: Good night, Maggie! Maggie
: Good night, John Boy. Dex
: Goodnight, Syd. Syd
: MY GOD DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING?
: This is almost as ridiculous as your sleeping diet. Dex
: That time I lost 30 pounds. Rick
: You also lost your job.