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Quotes for
Daisy Steiner (Character)
from "Spaced" (1999)

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"Spaced: Art (#1.3)" (1999)
Daisy: [doing her own performance art show, with weird make-up and bunny ears] Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit!

Daisy: You're up early.
Tim: Oh, I haven't been to bed. Me and Mike met up with these two Scottish guys in the pub and they gave us all this cheap speed.
Daisy: Oh Tim, that's so tacky.
Tim: Yeah I know, but y'know they were so nice. I think if we'd said no they'd have got offended and beaten us to death with a pool cue.

Daisy: [answering phone] Hello? Oh, hi, Mike. Yeah, he's here, I'll just get him.
[to Tim]
Daisy: It's your boyfriend.
Tim: He's not my boyfriend.
[picks up phone]
Tim: Hi babe.
Mike: Hello Timmy!
Tim: Where are you?
Mike: Err, Sheffield.
Tim: What are you doing in Sheffield?
Mike: Fell asleep on the tube.
Tim: The tube doesn't go to Sheffield, Mike.
Mike: Yeah, I know. I, uh, must have changed at King's Cross.

Tim: [answering the phone] Hello? Brian? No, no, he's the weirdo downstairs. Oh, sorry! Sorry, Brian. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come up. OK, bye.
[puts the phone down]
Tim: Brian's coming up.
Daisy: Why did he phone?
Tim: I don't know, why did he paint his arse blue last week?
Daisy: You don't like him, do you?
Tim: I do like him, I just think he's a bit pretentious.
[Brian enters, wearing an incredibly gaudy outfit]
Brian: How do I look?
Tim: A bit pretentious?

Tim: Daisy. Daisy, Daisy, Daisy. It's gonna be okay. Now have a big toke on this South African drugs-reefer-style spliff doobie.
Daisy: I dunno. It might make me paranoid.

Daisy: Right, I'm gonna go to the shops. Do you want anything?
Tim: Porn!
Daisy: Tim, I'm not going to buy you porn, OK? You can get it from railway sidings like everybody else.
Tim: I can't, I'm an adult. I'm supposed to leave it there.

Daisy: So who was this girl then?
Tim: Her name was Cassandra, she was a psychic, she gave me her phone number...
[hands Daisy a piece of paper]
Daisy: That's our phone number.
Tim: Man, she's good.

Daisy: Is there any post?
Tim: Uh, I did hear droppage.

Daisy: I'm not sure if I should go casual or strappy. Something a bit glam. Reliable and frumpy or stupid and glamourous?
Tim: Why don't you go something in between?
Daisy: Frumpy and stupid.
Tim: Save you getting ready.

Daisy: Tim, I'm serious! This is important, I've got to get the right...
Tim: [irritated] Look!

Yolanda: Our magazine reflects the needs of today's women.
[she and her colleagues hold up cards saying 'BIG', 'HARD' and 'NOW' as she says the words]
Yolanda: We want it big, hard and we want it now.
Daisy: [voiceover] I knew I should have bought 'Huge Fat Cocks'!

Daisy: I thought you were brilliant.
Hoover: And who are you, then?
Daisy: I'm Daisy Steiner, I'm... writer, sort of journalist.
Hoover: Do you know any famous or important people?
Daisy: Well, my mum's cousin went to school with Enya. She was in the year above, but they had same percussion teacher, so...
Hoover: I hate your mum, and I hate you.
Daisy: That's brilliant. Brilliant!

"Spaced: Leaves (#2.7)" (2001)
Daisy Steiner: They say the family of the 21st Century is made up friends, not relatives... then again maybe that's just bollocks.

Daisy: Colin's gone.
Tim: What?
Daisy: He went next door.
Tim: Oh, Daisy. I'm sorry. How did that happen?
Daisy: He walked.
Tim: Right, right. Sorry. My mum used to use "going next door" as a euphemism for being dead.
Mike: Whoa. Does that mean my rabbit's dead?
Tim: It's been 18 years Mike, where did you think he was?
Mike: [sobbing] Next door!

Daisy: [from the alternative ending] We live in a fantasy world, Tim. We've just constructed this fake utopia where y'know we never get old and never have to face the responsibilities of adulthood. We're just stretching our childhoods out as far as they can go.
Tim: Yeah, I know. We're lucky aren't we?
Daisy: I mean, I'm not going to be wearing plastic jewlery when I'm 40. Am I?
Tim: I hope so.

[last lines]
Tim Bisley: Alright?
Daisy Steiner: Alright.

Daisy: They were younger than us.
Tim: What?
Daisy: That couple. They were younger than us.
Tim: Yeah, but only physically.

Daisy: Where are we?
Tim: In the cupboard.
Daisy: Why?
Tim: I have no idea.

Tim: We've got to find her and we've got to say, "Marsha, we're sorry. I know we've done bad, I know we've hurt you, but please, for the sake of us, for the sake of Brian, for the sake of y'know, everything. *Please*, just don't sell the house."
Daisy: Maybe not in such a whiny voice.
Tim: [whiny] Okay.

[Tim and Mike are trying to break into Marsha's room.]
Daisy: Look, I'm having no part in this.
Tim: Look, we have to find out where Amber lives.
Daisy: This is all wrong!
Mike: C'mon Daisy. It's the only way.
Daisy: Will you stop it!
Tim: Do you want to be homeless? Do you want to go out and buy "Loot" every morning? Do you want to see what Marsha's room looks like?
[Tim and Mike smile mischievously at Daisy; the scene cuts to her kicking in the door to the room]

Daisy: [heard in voiceover as Tim reads her letter] Dear Tim - Please forgive the letter; I'm feeling a bit confused. Everything seems to have changed recently. We all seem to be drifting apart like leaves from once-green oak -
Tim: Skip to the end.

"Spaced: Gatherings (#1.2)" (1999)
Daisy: We need to get used to each other. We don't know each other that well, do we?
[cutaway to Tim reading Daisy's diary]
Tim: [chuckling] Thrush.
[cut back to the original scene]
Tim: No.

Daisy: [has knocked on Marsha's door while she's having a row with her daughter Amber] Teenagers, eh?
Marsha: She's not a teenager, she's the devil in an A cup!
[Amber screams and throws something at the wall]

Daisy: [singing along, incorrectly, to 'The King Of Rock 'n' Roll' by Prefab Sprout] Hot dog, jumping frog... Alma Cookies!

[meeting for the first time, Mike and Brian just stand in awkward silence]
Daisy: [gestures to Brian] Artist.
[gestures to herself]
Daisy: Writer.
[gestures to Mike]
Mike: Er, Mike.

Twist: It's quite a nice flat. It'll be better when you've unpacked and cleaned up a little.
Daisy: [sheepishly] This is it, actually.

Marsha: [about the party] Will Brian be there?
Daisy: Well, yeah, I hope so, Tim's just gone to ask him.
Marsha: Do you like him?
Daisy: [shrugs] He's all right.
Marsha: [whispers] Good legs.

Tim: [about the charade of them being a couple because the flat was advertised as being for couples only] Do we still have to hold hands in the corridor?
Daisy: Not if you don't want to.
Tim: I didn't say that.
Daisy: We could probably cut down on the fake sex noises.
[cut away to Tim and Daisy making loud grunting and yelping noises, as he plays on his Playstation and she jumps up and down on the sofa]
Tim: Shame.

"Spaced: Beginnings (#1.1)" (1999)
Daisy Steiner: You have a potentially fatal allergy to Brazil nuts...
Tim Bisley: Yes. I have no memory of Christmas 1979. Mind you, I have no memory of Christmas 1994 either.
Daisy Steiner: Oh, why not?
Tim Bisley: I don't know.

Daisy Steiner: What do you do Brain?
Brian Topp: An artist.
Tim Bisley: I'm an artist!
Daisy Steiner: Oh, what kind of thing do you do?
Brian Topp: Anger.
[Brian in creepy anger-laden montage]
Brian Topp: Pain.
[Brian in creepy pain-laden montage]
Brian Topp: Fear
[Brian in creepy fear-laden montage]
Brian Topp: Aggression.
[Brian in creepy aggression-laden montage]
Brian Topp: [Tim and Daisy stare blankly, hesitant and terribly freaked out]
Daisy Steiner: Ww... water colours, or...?
Brian: It's a bit more complex than that.
Daisy: Tim does cartoons.
Tim: It's a bit more complex than that.

Daisy Steiner: Do you rent downstairs?
Brian: You mean am I gay?
Daisy Steiner: WHAT?
Brian: You mean am I gay?
Daisy Steiner: No, I meant "Do you rent the downstairs flat?"
Brian: Oh. Yep, sort of.
Tim: Are you gay?
Brian: Hmm?
Tim: Are you gay?
Brian: [in deep contemplation] No...

Daisy: Every morning I wake up and it's the same. I get up and I buy the paper, and I circle them all, and I phone them only to discover they've been taken by a bunch of fucking psychic house hunters.

Daisy: Do you want another cup of tea?
Tim: Ooh, no thanks, twelve's my limit.

"Spaced: Dissolution (#2.6)" (2001)
Daisy Steiner: How are you feeling this morning?
Tim: Very rough, actually. I swear to God I will never drink again...until lunchtime.
Daisy Steiner: Very wise.
Tim: Mmm. So how does it feel to be twenty-six?
Daisy Steiner: Uh...a bit gas-y.
Tim: Oh, well, you're getting old. You'd be dead in four years. If this was "Logan's Run."
Daisy Steiner: Ah, that would be terrible.
Tim: I know. I look like a twat in a jumpsuit.
Daisy Steiner: Don't say that, Tim. That's a word that hates women.
Tim: What? "Twat"?
Daisy Steiner: No, "jumpsuit."
Tim: Oh.

Sophie: See you later, Daisy. Happy birthday.
Daisy Steiner: [sweetly] Yeah. Bye, Sophie. Bye-bye.
[after Sophie leaves]
Daisy Steiner: What a bitch.

Daisy Steiner: Marsha -
[slow motion shot of falling wineglass]
Daisy Steiner: We're not really -
[slow motion shot of falling wineglass]
Daisy Steiner: - a couple.
[the wineglass hits the floor and shatters.]

[Tim, Daisy, Mike, and Brian are gathered outside the restaurant]
Tim: What are we going to do?
Mike: We could go clubbing.
Tim: I mean about Marsha, Mike! We've potentially destroyed her faith in the integrity of today's youth.
[the whole group looks at Tim quizzically]
Tim: [correcting himself] - young adults.
Daisy Steiner: We've got to pull together, or else we're going to lose everything.
Mike: Clubbing it is, then!

"Spaced: Chaos (#1.5)" (1999)
Brian: Chaos Theory!
Tim: Eh?
Brian: The predictability of random events. The notion that reality as we know it, past, present and future is actually a mathematically predictable preordained system.
Daisy: So somewhere out their in the vastness of the unknown is an equation... for predicting the future!
Brian: An equation so complex as to utterly defy any possibility of comprehension by even the most brilliant human mind, but an equation nonetheless.
Tim: Oh my God!
Brian: What?
Tim: I've got some fucking Jaffa Cakes in my coat pocket!

Daisy Steiner: If Richard phones tell him I'm out with Colin.
Bilbo Bagshot: Who's Richard?
Tim Bisley: Boyfriend.
Bilbo Bagshot: Your boyfriend?
Tim Bisley: Daisy's boyfriend.

Daisy: In the end, our relationship was just like a sandwich toaster. You know, you just forget you've got one. And it just sits there on the top of the cupboard collecting a layer of greasy fudge. And even if you do see it you just assume it's broken, you think if it's working I'd be using it all the time, but you don't and it just sits there. Then one day, you get an overwhelming desire for toasted sandwiches, you know? And you get it down and it works, and you can't believe it, you know? And then you make every kind of toasted sandwich there is, you have toasted sandwich parties. You make Marmite and cheese, chocolate and...
Tim: Pilchards.
Daisy: Banana and...
Bilbo Bagshot: Acorns.
Daisy: Acorns. And then as quickly as the desire comes, it just goes. And then you put the toaster sandwich maker away. And, you know what?
Tim: What?
Daisy: You don't miss it.
Bilbo Bagshot: So what you're saying is 'Don't hide the toasted sandwich maker away, use him regularly and you'll get the most out of him'.
Tim: No, she's saying 'Chuck your boyfriend, have a sandwich'.

[Daisy and Brian are discussing the Chaos Theory]
Tim Bisley: Oh my God.
Daisy Steiner: What?
Tim Bisley: I've got some fucking Jaffa Cakes in my coat pocket.
[They all cheer]
Tim Bisley: Oh Mama, oh Daddy, let's all play kabaddi!

"Spaced: Epiphanies (#1.6)" (1999)
Brian: Can I use your video while you're out?
Daisy: What are you going to do? Stick it to a canvas as part of a piece depicting a society populated by cathode junkies, selling their imaginations for quick-fix media hits from the Blockbuster syringe?
Brian: No, I want to record Ready Steady Cook.

Twist: Where's Brian?
Daisy: Yeah, Tim, where's Brian?
Tim: Up his own arse.
Twist: You don't like him?
Tim: I do like him, I'm just not sure why.

Tyres: I can't get me head around this platonic inter-gender relationship malarkey, it just doesn't seem right to me. Don't get me wrong like, I don't mind having a chin-wag with a honey, but I just like to do it after a waggle on her chin, you know what I mean?
Tim: [laughs] Yeah.
Daisy: [slightly offended] You like to waggle your willy on her chin?
Tyres: Don't come your post-feminist, art school bollocks with me, Sunflower, if that's your real frigging name! All right? I work for a living, what do you do?
Daisy: I write, actually.
Tyres: Oh, do you? In other words, you're on the dole.

[Tim and Daisy are listening to Marsha and her teenage daughter Amber having a row above them]
Daisy: [voiceover] Oh, I feel for Amber.
[cutaway - Daisy imagines a moody teenage girl writing "I HATE YOU" on a mirror in lipstick as grunge music plays]
Tim: [voiceover] I feel for Amber.
[Tim's voiceover does a dirty laugh as, cutaway - he imagines a nymphet in a slutty school uniform dancing to 'Because We Want To' by Billie Piper]

"Spaced: Back (#2.1)" (2001)
Agent: Don't think about leaving the country Miss Steiner.
Daisy Steiner: I won't. I can't afford it.

Daisy: So how are you, you big bloody man?
Tim: I'm good, I'm good. Just, had a few things to sort out.
Daisy: With Sarah?
Tim: No, with George Lucas.
Daisy: Tim, it's been over a year.
Tim: It's been 18 months, Daisy. And it still hurts.
Daisy: Well, I didn't think The Phantom Menace was *that* bad.

[after the showdown in the pub]
Daisy: That just happened, didn't it?
Tim: Uh...Yeah.

"Spaced: Ends (#1.7)" (1999)
Daisy Steiner: I do want to go to Asia! I do want to see the Taj Mahal! The difference is, the Taj Mahal didn't sleep with it's boss and break my heart!
Tim Bisley: Yeah, well... it might if you go to Asia!

[Tim guesses he may move back in with Sarah]
Daisy Steiner: What do you mean you have a funny feeling?
Tim: I can read her like a book
Daisy Steiner: Never judge a book by it's cover
Tim: He who dares wins
Daisy Steiner: Look before you leap
Tim: Do YOU believe in life after love?
Daisy Steiner: That's a song
Tim: Shit.

Daisy Steiner: Do you really watch porn in the flat?
Tim Bisley: Uh... only when you're out. Sometimes while you're asleep in the bean bag.
Daisy Steiner: Can I borrow some?
Tim Bisley: Uh... Yeah.

"Spaced: Battles (#1.4)" (1999)
Daisy Steiner: I'm not sure if I should go casual or strappy. Something a bit glam. Reliable and frumpy, or stupid and glamorous?
Tim: Why don't you go something in between?
Daisy Steiner: Stupid and frumpy.
Tim: Save you getting ready.

Daisy Steiner: Do you want another cup of tea?
Tim Bisley: Ooh, no thanks, twelve's my limit.

"Spaced: Gone (#2.5)" (2001)
Tim: [groans] Oh... what?
Romford Thug Leader: You KNOW what.
Tim: Is it because I sang the Kia-Ora advert?
Daisy: Oh I remember that "It's too orangey for crows"

"Spaced: Help (#2.4)" (2001)
Tim Bisley: You got anything special planned for today?
Daisy Steiner: I have got a bit of a project, actually. I'm going to be as inactive as I can in order to really get into the psyche of someone unemployed, not just vocationally but cerebrally, to see if the predicament of enforced passivity exacerbates itself. You know, does inactivity breed laziness?
Tim Bisley: Are you going to write an article about it?
Daisy Steiner: No, I can't be bothered.

"Spaced: Change (#2.2)" (2001)
[as they all wake up, suddenly]
Daisy Steiner: I'm sorry!
Mike: I'm hit!
Brian: I'm blind!
Tim: Buffy!

"Spaced: Mettle (#2.3)" (2001)
Daisy: [on Tim and Mike's robot] What does "T.F.U" stand for?
Tim: Uh... The Fuckest Upest.