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: Colin's gone. Tim
: What? Daisy
: He went next door. Tim
: Oh, Daisy. I'm sorry. How did that happen? Daisy
: He walked. Tim
: Right, right. Sorry. My mum used to use "going next door" as a euphemism for being dead. Mike
: Whoa. Does that mean my rabbit's dead? Tim
: It's been 18 years Mike, where did you think he was? Mike
] Next door!
[Tim and Mike are trying to break into Marsha's room.
: Look, I'm having no part in this. Tim
: Look, we have to find out where Amber lives. Daisy
: This is all wrong! Mike
: C'mon Daisy. It's the only way. Daisy
: Will you stop it! Tim
: Do you want to be homeless? Do you want to go out and buy "Loot" every morning? Do you want to see what Marsha's room looks like?
[Tim and Mike smile mischievously at Daisy; the scene cuts to her kicking in the door to the room
: Okay listen. When we get there let me do the talking. I *am* the only one here who's capable of serious communication, so - Sorry, sorry. That sounded bad. I didn't mean to suggest that you aren't good communicators. Alright, Mike? Mike
] Yes. Tim
: Brian? Brian Topp
: [Brian makes an unintelligible noise.
: Can we go later? Mike
: Why? Brian Topp
: Frightened. Mike
: C'mon, Brian. You've gotta be strong. What are you, a man or a mouse?
: It's on. Tim
: What is? Mike
: Something bloody spectacular.
: Is this all above board, Sergeant? Mike
: Are you questioning my orders, Dexter? Dexter
: No, Sergeant. Mike
: Do what I say and I'll make sure you're recommended for a promotion. Dexter
: I just don't see how this matter is a concern for the military. Mike
: Are we not soldiers, Dexter? Dexter
: Yes, Sergeant. Mike
: Do we not have a sacred duty to keep the peace? Dexter
: Yes, Sergeant. Mike
: Could you, in good conscience, neglect to intervene in a needless, solvable conflict? Dexter
: No, Sergeant. Mike
: Then go get your boombox, and let's rock.
: What do we have, other than my van, which has wheels, and is slightly quicker than walking? Tim
: You've gotta be fucking kidding.
: Don't want to go into your party? Tim
: But they were playing 'The Time Warp', I hate 'The Time Warp'! Mike
: Daisy likes it. Tim
: So what? I hate it! It's boil-in-the-bag perversion for sexually repressed accountants and first-year drama students with too many posters of Betty Blue, The Blues Brothers, Big Blue and Blue Velvet on their blue bloody walls!
: Do you think we're getting old, Mike? Mike
: Everyone gets old, Tim. Everyone except my cousin Adam. Tim
: What's so special about your cousin Adam? Mike
: He is getting younger. Tim
: Bastard. What are we gonna do? Mike
: There's nothing we can do, the government know, they keep it very hush-hush. Tim
: I'm not talking about Adam! I'm talking about what we're gonna do now!
: [introducing himself, with a salute
] Sergeant Mike Watts, TA. It's the longest way up, shortest way down.
[meeting for the first time, Mike and Brian just stand in awkward silence
: [gestures to Brian
[gestures to herself
[gestures to Mike
: Er, Mike.
[Tim answers the door. It's Mike, but also two teenage girls. Tim smiles at them
] Amber's Friend #2
: Oh, hi. We're looking for the party. Tim
: Er, yeah, well, come on in. Amber's Friend
: Are you Amber's dad? Tim
: [laughs, then his smile fades
] It's upstairs.
[as they go up the stairs
: I think you might have missed the puppet show, though! Amber's Friend
, Amber's Friend #2
: Fuck off! Tim
] What did you say? Mike
: They said "fuck off". Tim
: I know what they said, Mike! Little cow, standing there with her bloomin' purple hair and her alcopops, giving it all that...
: Don't forget whose shoulder you cried on when the last one dumped you. Tim
: I won't. Mike
: Or when Johnny Alpha got killed by that big flying monster in 2000 A.D.
: Mike, you will always be my number one. Mike
: Then why are you treating me like a number two?
: [to Sophie
] If you hurt him, I'll kill you.
[Mike runs away
: [to Tim
] Did he mean that? Tim
: [laughs and hugs Sophie
: Bitter, Mike? Mike
: No. Are you? Tim
: Would you like a pint of bitter, Mike? Mike
: Oh. Yeah.
[Tim, Daisy, Mike, and Brian are gathered outside the restaurant
: What are we going to do? Mike
: We could go clubbing. Tim
: I mean about Marsha, Mike! We've potentially destroyed her faith in the integrity of today's youth.
[the whole group looks at Tim quizzically
: [correcting himself
] - young adults. Daisy Steiner
: We've got to pull together, or else we're going to lose everything. Mike
: Clubbing it is, then!
: Mine's a pint of the black stuff. Mike
: You can't drink a pint of Bovril.
: Don't worry Daisy. Tim's just really ANGRY at you because you've just jeopardised his future.
: You ready, Mike? Mike Watt
: I was born ready, Timmy. Tim Bisley
: Yeah, but are you ready now? Mike Watt
: Uhh... yeah.
: What's the hold up? Mike
: There been an accident. Someone got hurt. Tim
: Who? Mike
: A lady. Tim
: How d'you know? Mike
: Because we hit her. Tim
: Did we? Mike
: Yeah. That's her there. Tim
: [Mike's thinking while being interviewed by TA Officer
] I'm Andy McNab, I'm Andy McNab, I'm Andy Mc Nab, I'm Andie MacDowell ummmmm...
: In 1994 while on weekend manoeuvres in France, I commandeered a Chieftain tank without permission of my immediate superiors. I then attempted to invade Paris. However, en route I stopped off at Disneyland, or Eurodisney as it was then called, and was subsequently apprehended on Space Mountain. TA Officer
: Do you have any explanation as to why you might have done this? Mike
: Well sir, at the time, I was suffering from serious emotional problems that had clearly affected my judgement. I had immersed myself in a fantasy world of my own creation and as a result I became very insular and uncommunicative. TA Officer
: Why do you think that was? Mike
] I dunno.
[Mike is going into a job interview
] Tim Bisley
: Just... give it your best shot, OK? Mike Watt
: Can't you come in with me? Tim Bisley
: I'm not your dad, Mike!
] Tim Bisley
: Here's your sandwiches. I'll pick you up at five.
Paint ball player
: I've always fancied myself as a bit of a soldier. Tim
: I've always fancied myself. Mike
: I've always fancied you. Tim
: *Not here*.
: When you get that feeling, it's like... Mike
: Sexual healing. Duane
: It's a force beyond your control. You know what they say about love and war. Tim
: Yes. One involves a lot of physical and psychological pain, and the other is war.
: They're not in the jungle. They *are* the jungle.
: I think we should lose the axe. Mike Watt
: I like the axe. Tim
: I like my *face*. Mike Watt
: *I* like your face. Tim
: Let's keep the axe.
: I think we should lose the axe... Mike Watt
: I like the axe. Tim Bisley
: I like my face! Mike Watt
: I like your face... Tim Bisley
: ...Let's keep the axe.
: If there's one thing I've learned from the military, it's, "Never leave a man behind." Brian
: It's a dog. Mike
: Or a dog. Brian
: All right.
[as they all wake up, suddenly
] Daisy Steiner
: I'm sorry! Mike
: I'm hit! Brian
: I'm blind! Tim
: [answering phone
] Hello? Oh, hi, Mike. Yeah, he's here, I'll just get him.
: It's your boyfriend. Tim
: He's not my boyfriend.
[picks up phone
: Hi babe. Mike
: Hello Timmy! Tim
: Where are you? Mike
: Err, Sheffield. Tim
: What are you doing in Sheffield? Mike
: Fell asleep on the tube. Tim
: The tube doesn't go to Sheffield, Mike. Mike
: Yeah, I know. I, uh, must have changed at King's Cross.
: Excuse me. Mike
: Let's play!
: [on the phone
] What you doing playing army on a Sunday morning, you're missing Grange Hill. Mike
: [on the other end of the phone
] The TA is no game, Tim. Tim
: It isn't the TA, Mike, it's the Rough Ramblers. Mike
: You're a civilian, you don't understand. You're thinking, "It's Sunday I'd rather be in bed." Tim
: And you're thinking, "It's Sunday, I'd rather be in Apocalypse Now."