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Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000) (V)
Martina: I've got a weird feeling Dawson.
Dawson: Wait until you eat the tuna tacos.

Martina: Did you hear the news? About Screw. She was killed. Murdered. Gutted. Flayed. Sliced. Diced. Fried. And hung.
Boner: I'm never gonna get laid.
Martina: Oh, and it's all over the TV news.
Boner: Oh, great! Now everybody knows.

Martina: Who cares about that crap?
Doughy: I do.

Boner: Hey guys, I have an idea! Let's all make a pact to lose our virginity before graduation!
Doughy: I'm in!
Barbara, Slab, Dawson, Martina: WE'RE NOT!

Martina: Didn't your whole family get chopped up and fed to a fish farm?
Dawson: Allegedly.

Dawson: You know what we've gotta do? We've gotta get out of here!
Boner: To someplace safe.
Martina: Yeah, in the middle of nowhere.
Slab: In the dark woods and pouring rain.
Dawson: Without any adult supervision or police protection anywhere in the vicinity.
Barbara: I know just the place! It's been totally deserted ever since those dorky kids were dismembered.
Boner: Are you talking about band camp?

Martina: All right, listen. There are certain rules that you have to follow in a parody situation if you want to survive. Rule number one: exaggerate everything. Number 88: accept the ridiculous as logical.
[flash to Boner getting down with a girl]
Martina: Sexual sight gags, always funny.
[Boner making sex noises while pulling out a splinter]
Martina: And along with wacky sound effects...
[Boner unzipping his pants with a "boing!" sound]
Martina: And unlimited absurdity.
[Killer frightens Boner into a heart attack with a chainsaw]
Martina: Remember: nothing is sacred.
[cross falls onto bed]
Dawson: You're forgetting, point out the obvious.
[holds up a "dead man" sign pointing to Slab]
Martina: And finally, perpetually painful stereotypes.
Pimp: Dat's ridikkulous!

Doughy: Whereas Hardy enjoys a minuet, ballet ruse and crepes suzette.
Hardy: Doughy likes to rock n roll, a hot dog makes him lose control.
Hagitha: What a wild duet.
Martina: Still they're cousins.
Dawson: Identical cousins.
Martina: They laugh alike.
Dawson: They walk alike.
Martina: At times they even talk alike.
Hagitha: And you can lose your mind.

Dawson: I thought you were a lesbian.
Martina: A lesbian? Why?
Dawson: Hello! You play softball, you watch Ally McBeal... the WNBA!
Martina: No, Dawson, I'm not gay. Barbara's gay.
Dawson: Barbara?
Martina: Big Rosie fan.
Dawson: But you are a witch?
Martina: Oh yeah.

Barbara: A kid couldn't write that, at least not a kid in public school.
Martina: Unless he was Japanese.
Boner: But they aren't historically serial killers.
Slab: What about Godzilla.
Boner: Born in international waters.

Barbara: Do they know who did it?
Martina: Some guy in a ghost mask costume.
Barbara: That doesn't sound scary.
Martina: Store bought?
Barbara: Ahhh! That's scary!

Martina: [Dawson and Martina hear a crash in the kitchen and rush in to find the cat next to a pile of overturned dishes] Lamegag, you scared the crap out of us.
Dawson: [Lamegag meows] What is it, boy?
Dawson: [Lamegag growls] I'm sorry. What is it, girl?
Dawson: [meow] Slab's in trouble?
Dawson: [meow] Steroids? In the bathroom?
Dawson: [meow] Burt Reynolds wears a rug? O.J. was framed?
Dawson: [meow meow] Khakis aren't cool anymore? Well, I have to disagree with you there.
[meow]

Doughy: I read your diary, Ms. Boo-hoo-my-gym-teacher-molested-me!
Barbara: Dork!
Doughy: Dyke!
Martina: [surprised] What?