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Quotes for
Boner (Character)
from Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000) (V)

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Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000) (V)
Martina: Did you hear the news? About Screw. She was killed. Murdered. Gutted. Flayed. Sliced. Diced. Fried. And hung.
Boner: I'm never gonna get laid.
Martina: Oh, and it's all over the TV news.
Boner: Oh, great! Now everybody knows.

[repeated line]
Boner: I'm never gonna get laid.

Barbara: What are you doing here anyway, Doughy? You're not a real cop. Shouldn't you be guarding the Orange Julius?
Boner: [fake coughing] N.Y.P.D. GAP!
Slab: [fake coughing] Sergeant Sears!
Barbara: [fake coughing] Food court police!

Boner: Hey guys, I have an idea! Let's all make a pact to lose our virginity before graduation!
Doughy: I'm in!
Barbara, Slab, Dawson, Martina: WE'RE NOT!

Dawson: After all, it is Halloween.
Slab: And Friday the 13th!
Dawson: On the same day? Impossible.
Boner: Slab's dyslexic.

Barbara: And so what if Boner's dad was cheating with my mom, causing her to go on a downward spiral resulting into alcoholism?
Boner: My dad has what?

Dawson: You know what we've gotta do? We've gotta get out of here!
Boner: To someplace safe.
Martina: Yeah, in the middle of nowhere.
Slab: In the dark woods and pouring rain.
Dawson: Without any adult supervision or police protection anywhere in the vicinity.
Barbara: I know just the place! It's been totally deserted ever since those dorky kids were dismembered.
Boner: Are you talking about band camp?

Boner: Roofies are bull. I take them before every date, and I never get laid.
Slab: Maybe you aren't taking enough.

Barbara: A kid couldn't write that, at least not a kid in public school.
Martina: Unless he was Japanese.
Boner: But they aren't historically serial killers.
Slab: What about Godzilla.
Boner: Born in international waters.

Female Prison Guard: Time's up, Boner!
Jimmy Boner: It's pronounced bo-ah-ner! The 'O' is soft.
Female Prison Guard: Not for long. Dead boner walking!

Boner: I hope that's Barbara Walters. What a rack.