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: You passed and I failed! You asshole! How could you do that to me? Dave
: It was an accident. I'll take it again. I can fail, I know I can.
: Reality is so unreal. Dave
: But it is a nice change. Chainsaw
: True. Two thumbs up.
: This menstruation thing? It's a scam! Women are so lucky.
: Please take your seats. Chainsaw
: Where should we take 'em?
: Your teacher was arrested for giving vodka to students. Dave
: You went to jail for us? Shoop
: On roller skates.
[the classroom is the scene of a bloodbath
] Phil Gills
: What is wrong with you people? Dave
: It's just like you said Gills! We're psychopaths! Somebody better call the school nurse!
: Our next field trip has to be to the beach. Dave
: We have to see Annamaria in a bikini. It's very important.
: This man should not be teaching. The proof is right here in these test results. Look for yourself, Mr. Shoop. Passing is 70; average score here was 63. They failed. Shoop
: [looks at the results
] That is not true, Mr. Gills. Alan Eakian
: You mean we passed? Shoop
: No, not all of you, but that's not what's important here. Larry went from an 18 to a 51! Mrs. Kazimias
: If I'd only seen you strip a week sooner. Shoop
: Rhonda: from a 29 to a 43 and she gave birth. Mrs. Altobello
: Isn't childbirth grounds for a makeup test? Principal Kelban
: It always has been. Chainsaw
: This woman thing never fails. Shoop
: Eakian: a 51 to a 74. Alan Eakian
: I passed! I am an Eakian, Grams! Dave
: All right, Eaker!
: Denise: no previous test score because you ditched every test, but a 38. Mrs. Green
: Honey, that's terrific! Denise
: We'll get 'em next time. Shoop
: Kevin, from a 48 to a 75! Kevin Winchester
: Yeah, I'm back on the team!
[Kevin and his did share football shouts and hug
: Chainsaw: last score was a 6, this time: 59. Monster comeback! And Dave: from a 26 to a 70. Dave
: I passed! Anna-Maria Mazarelli
: You made it! Chainsaw
: You passed? You passed and I failed, asshole! How could you do that to me? Dave
: It was an accident. I'll take it again, I can fail, I know it. Shoop
: Pam went from a 53 to an 82. Pam
: Was that the highest? Shoop
: Well, almost. That guy who spent six weeks in the bathroom got a 91. But look, there's more going on here than test scores and grades. You all worked hard and improved. Phil Gills
: And that's very nice, Mr. Shoop. The point here is that we are here to discuss Mr. Shoop's flagrant violation of school policies. Principal Kelban
: Hold it, Gills. According to my numbers, the average scores have increased from 28 to 63. That's 125% improvement. Now that's teaching. Mr. Shoop, I'm granting you tenure.