The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
[Otis receives a letter at the courthouse
] Otis Campbell
: Would you mind readin' it fer me, Andy? I ain't got my glasses. Barney Fife
: Can't you read without 'em? Otis Campbell
: Only labels.
: See, I've always been the black sheep of my family, and it just felt good changin' colors.
: Gosh, I been comin' in here a long time, Andy, but I never figured there was chance for advancement.
: Well, whadda you do mostly, Otis Andy Taylor
: Oh, uh, we... we all have our, uh, little jobs on the force. Uh, Otis' specialty is trackin' down stills. Ralph Campbell
: Stills? Andy Taylor
: Yeah, yeah. The minute, the minute anyone starts makin' moonshine around this area, Otis sniffs 'em right out. And then you know what he does? He goes right down there where they're makin' the stuff and brings it all back right by hisself, don't ya, Otis? Otis Campbell
: Well, yeah. I did that just last night, didn't I?
: It will be my pleasure, dear lady, to be incarcerated in your domicile.
Aunt Bee Taylor
: What was that you said about being a prisoner? Otis Campbell
: Oh, I said I'm a prisoner in this house and I expect to be treated like one. Aunt Bee Taylor
: Well, if you're a prisoner, I'm responsible for you, and that makes me the warden. Otis Campbell
: Oh, Aunt Bee, don't holler so much, please. I got a head that feels like it was in a drawer all night. Now, will you go away? Aunt Bee Taylor
: [dumps a vase of water over his head
] Get up, prisoner, and get to work! Otis Campbell
: Work? Aunt Bee Taylor
: That's right, and you can start with your room! Clean it up! Otis Campbell
: Clean? OH! Andy! Where's Andy? I'm a prisoner!
: Andy, you GOTTA get me outta this. She's about to work me to death. Andy Taylor
: Aunt Bee? Otis Campbell
: Aunt Bee? Bloody Mary.
: Andy, can we go now? I don't ever wanna see The Rock again.
: Now, I'm gonna test your reactions and your reflexes. Otis Campbell
: This jail's gettin' to be as bad as home.
: You know, Andy, I've given that woman some awful bad times, but wait till you see her at that presentation. She's go'n be as proud as a peacock.
: I've been thinkin' about the big, long speech I can make here, then I got to studying about how that was all wrong. See, I don't deserve this award. I didn't do nothin'. Bein' descended from a hero don't make YOU one. Shucks, a man can't take credit just for being born; so, I want to give this to Mayor Pike to accept for the town of Mayberry, of which I am proud to be its citizen.
: Don't forget to wake me up Monday. That's the beginning of National Potato Week and I wanna celebrate.
: Well, now, Barney, I doubt that Otis is goin' to do any talkin'. He seems mighty set on not helpin' us. Otis Campbell
: I wished I could, Andy, but it's a matter of ethics. Us town drunks have a code we live by.
: [speaking of a mosaic he created
] I find I do my best work when I'm just a little gassed. Deputy Warren Ferguson
: Oh, Otis. Otis Campbell
: Oh, don't act so sad. Now I've got two hobbies.
: I know it's Friday, Otis, but ain't you a little early? Otis Campbell
: Oh, I'm dead sober, Andy, but I s'pect I'll get over it.
: Now, the fine is two dollars or twenty-four hours. Now, what'll it be? Otis Campbell
: Andy, you know I always take the twenty-four hours. I wouldn't waste two dollars on somethin' that didn't have a cork in it.
: No. No-no. No, Andy. Don't never apologize to a woman. I say, if you got an argument with a woman, stand up and fight it out. Andy Taylor
: Well, fightin' it out's what put you behind them bars, Otis. Otis Campbell
: But she threw a dish at me. Andy Taylor
: Well, you swung a leg of lamb at HER. Otis Campbell
: But I missed her. Andy Taylor
: Yeah, but cha hit her mother. Otis Campbell
: [in fond remembrance
] Yeah. Right in the mouth.
: Drunk or sober, I can't tell very much without my glasses. Andy Taylor
: Well, were you drunk when Deputy Fife arrested you? Otis Campbell
: I can't tell. I wasn't wearin' my glasses.