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Quotes for
Johnny Kelly (Character)
from Johnny Dangerously (1984)

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Johnny Dangerously (1984)
Johnny Dangerously: [admires Lil's figure] You got those. I like those on a woman.

Johnny Dangerously: Hey Pope, why don't you go build yourself a new gym at the Vatican.

Johnny Dangerously: The years hadn't softened Moronie. He continued to murder the English Language, and anyone who got in his way.

Johnny Kelly: Say kid, what do they call you?
Lil: Impressive.

Danny Vermin: I enjoy collecting protection money, putting whores to work, loan-sharking. I enjoy planting bombs in people's cars. These are a few of my favorite things.
Johnny Dangerously: You know, Danny, I think you get too much sugar in your diet.

Johnny Dangerously: The name's Dangerously. Johnny Dangerously.
Lil: Did you know you're last name is an adverb?

Tommy Kelly: You were gonna take a bullet for me.
Johnny Kelly: Actually, I was just counting on a lot of missing.

Johnny Dangerously: I never should have picked a name like that. A name like that you gotta live up to. What's your last name?
Hood: Binzerhoff.
Johnny Dangerously: Binzerhoff? Perfect. Keep that name and you'll stay out of trouble.

Lil: Get this to Johnny on the grapevine. Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the savoy theater tomorrow night. Got it?
Polly the parrot: Got it.
[flies away]
Polly the parrot: [arrives at prison mess hall and lands on the shoulder of a prisoner] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner sitting next to him] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's brother at the Savoy theater tonight. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner, "telephone" style] Vermin is going to kill Johnny's mother at the Savoy theater tonight. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner] Vermin's mother is going to kill Johnny tonight at the Savoy theater. Pass it on.
Prisoner: [to the next prisoner]
Prisoner: ... at the Savoy. Pass it on.
Prisoner: There's a message through the grapevine, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously: Yeah? What is it?
Prisoner: Johnny and the Mothers are playing "Stompin' at the Savoy" in Vermont tonight.
Johnny Dangerously: Vermin's going to kill my brother at the Savoy theater tonight.
Prisoner: I didn't say that.
Johnny Dangerously: No, but I know this grapevine.

Chorus Girl: I'm not wearing a bra, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously: Yeah? Well that makes two of us.

Lil: So when I was 18 I left home and came here to Chicago.
Johnny Dangerously: Uh Lil, this ain't Chicago. We're in New York.
Lil: You're kidding.
Lil: Well, New York, Chicago, to a girl on her own, it's all the same.

[Johnny sees a steaming pot on the stove]
Johnny Dangerously: Whatcha cookin' here ma?
Ma Kelly: Beer.
Johnny Dangerously: With noodles! Great idea!

Warden: Your turn, Johnny. The priest you've requested has arrived.
Charley: [pretending to be a priest] Are you ready, my son?
Johnny Dangerously: I'm ready if you are, father.
Charley: Dominus vobiscum, Nabisco. Espiritu sanctu. They gasthebus.
Prisoner: [hands Johnny a part of a tommy gun] So long, Johnny.
Charley: We gasthebus. You gasthebus. We missed the bus. They missed the bus.
Prisoner: [hands Johnny another piece of the gun] Be brave, huh, Johnny.
Charley: When's the next bus?
Johnny Dangerously: [begins putting the gun together behind the wardens back] Always, Nails.
Charley: Summa cum laude. Magna cum laude. The radio's too laude. Adeste fidelis.
Prisoner: [gives Johnny another piece] Good luck, Johnny.
Charley: Semper fidelis. High fidelis.
Johnny Dangerously: [struggling to put it together] Why didn't I take shop?
Charley: Post Meridian. Ante Meridian. Uncle Meridian. All the little Meridians.
Prisoner: [adds another piece] Bye bye, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously: [adds piece to gun] Bye, Rock.
Charley: The Magna Carta. MasterCharge it.
Prisoner: [hands piece to Johnny] Spit in his eye, Johnny!
Johnny Dangerously: [finishes putting the gun together] OK, rabbi.
Charley: [opens his bible to reveal the guns clip] Dum procellas. Lotsa Vitalis.
Warden: Any last words, Johnny?
[gun cocks]
Warden: [turns to see Johnny pointing a tommy gun at him] Well said!

Johnny Dangerously: [after bathroom has exploded] Take it easy!
Jocko Dundee: Take it easy? I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

Johnny Dangerously: Alright here it is. Johnny Dangerously is going legit.
Member of Dundee's gang: Le-what?
Johnny Dangerously: Legit.
Charley: Le-why?
Danny Vermin: I'll tell you le-why. Because Johnny Dangerously is really Johnny Kelly, brother of the D.A., Tommy Kelly.

Johnny Dangerously: Ma, you got to take better care of yourself. I don't want you living like this. I don't want you doing other people's laundry.
Ma Kelly: What are you saying? Give up me career?

Johnny Dangerously: [narrating in a flashback] Times were good in America. There was plenty of everything: jobs, security, laughs. America was in great shape, except for the President, William Howard Taft. Was HE a porker. At 310 lbs. he weighed as much as Teddy Roosevelt and half of William McKinley. Immigrants poured into the country from all over the world looking for a better life for their children. And over 97% of them settled into a two-block area of New York City.

Johnny Kelly: Hi Dr. Magnus. How's my mother?
Dr. Magnus: It's her thyroid, Johnny.
Johnny Kelly: What's wrong with it?
Dr. Magnus: We can't find it. Gonna have to do a thyroid search.
Johnny Kelly: How much is that gonna cost?
Dr. Magnus: You're in luck. This week a special. $999 dollars.

Johnny Dangerously: Commissioner, there's all the evidence against me, just like I promised you. Use it. I'm ready to pay my debt.
[No response from Commissioner]
Johnny Dangerously: Hey, how about a thank you?
[Johnny notices that the Commissioner is dead]
Johnny Dangerously: Hey, how about me getting out of here?
[Johnny turns to leave but is hit on the head]
Johnny Dangerously: Hey, how about me getting knocked out?
[He falls]

Young Johnny: Dr. Magnus, how's my mother?
Dr. Magnus: It's her pancreas again, Johnny. She's gonna need an operation immediately.
Young Johnny: How much is it gonna cost?
Dr. Magnus: $49.95
Young Johnny: $49.95?
Dr. Magnus: This week only.
Young Johnny: Where am I gonna get that kind of money?
Dr. Magnus: Why don't you knock over a gas station?