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: I hope Satan himself burns the flesh from your miserable bones. Hunt
: Good God, Lady.
: Walk to Asia? I like it.
[When trying to read; repeated line
: Muh... Hah-buh...
: Sir, Higgins has a story. Edwards
: Well, Higgins the floor is yours. Higgins
: This particular event happened last summer on my uncle's farm in Virginia. My brother and I had just finished cutting a field of hay and were enjoying the evening meal under the shade of an elm tree. He went down for water by the creek and when he was gone, I took a bowl that was filled with delicious plum pudding and placed into it, not one, but two large pieces of sheep shit. When he returned I encouraged him to taste the plum pudding... And as sure as Im standing before you, he did! He ate it all. Shit Pudding! Edwards
: You got your brother to eat sheep dung. That is a very interesting story. Hunt
: Tell him the ending, that's the best part. Higgins
: Oh yeah. To be perfectly honest with you sir, I have no brother. It was me. I ate sheep shit! Swear to God. Edwards
: Clever twist there on the ending.
: The next man who leaves for New Orleans
: will do so with a lead ball in his back!
: I name this here fork "Pittsburgh Nellie"; a Welsh whore who could do things with her one good arm that'd make you forget that *thing* on her neck.
[a bear has come into camp
: My nose itches. Hunt
: Don't scratch it. Bidwell
: Feels like there's a bug up in there. Hunt
: You scratch your nose. You're dead. Bidwell
: Well, I don't know what's worse. The bear or my itchy nose. Hunt
: I think it's leavin'. Bidwell
: I'm going to scratch it!
[begins scratching his nose and the bear turns around and bites his leg
] The bear is worse! The bear is definitely worse!
: What I remembered the most were the animals. Edwards
] Ah, the animals... Hunt
: Fearsome beasts of the mountains and plains. I've seen a bear so powerful... that it *snapped* a man's body in half with his huge jaws. Garrgghh! Garrgghh! I've seen a badger with paws as big as frying pans. And that'd rip your face right off! Right off! Nothing you can do with that! Just rip it off! Once there was a hawk that swooped down from the sky... Aggghhh! Aggghhh! Aggghhh! And plucked a man's eyeballs out of his sockets. Auuuggghhh! Auuuggghhh! The fella was screaming, "I'm blind! I can't see!" *Twice* when I was fishing... Higgins
] THERE'S AN ANIMAL NOW!
[everyone except Edwards and Hunt starts firing at the animal
: We can't kill it! We're all dead! God save us! Hunt
: Hold your fire! Hold your fire!
[everyone stops firing. Hunt looks closely and sees that the animal is just a squirrel nibbling on an acorn
: It's only a squirrel. Pratt
: He's got something in his hand! Guy Fontenot
: Something in his hand!
[they continue firing at the squirrel