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Quotes for
Dr. Peter Burns (Character)
from "Melrose Place" (1992)

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"Melrose Place: A Fist Full of Secrets (#7.22)" (1999)
[first lines]
Eve Cleary: Peter, there you are. When you didn't come home last night I went to the hospital, I went to the Upstairs, I've been looking for you everywhere.
Dr. Peter Burns: [drunk] So you killed someone?
[pause]
Dr. Peter Burns: Huh? Yes? No? Cat got your tounge? Aren't you going to ask who told me? Aren't you going to say that it's a lie and, "oh Peter, I could never lie to the man I'm married to."
Eve Cleary: Peter, it was an accident, I swear. I was 18-years-old and I was in high school.
Dr. Peter Burns: With Amanda. I know. Kyle told me all about it last night. Is there anything you didn't lie to me about? Is Eve even your real name?
Eve Cleary: I was going to tell you. I wanted to tell you so many times but I was scared.
Dr. Peter Burns: Of what? That I would leave you, or that I would not love you anymore?
Eve Cleary: Yes.
Dr. Peter Burns: Well, you're right!

Dr. Peter Burns: Hey, look who's here! Amanda! Your old pal Amanda. How long have you two known each other? Forever? Eve spend some time in prison for you... 15 years to be exact. That she was convicted of murder. You can put your two cents into that.
Eve Cleary: [to Amanda] Kyle told him.
Dr. Peter Burns: I guess that sliped your mind while you were playing matchmaker with me and Lizze Border over here!
Amanda Woodward: This isn't fair. You don't know the whole story.
Dr. Peter Burns: I don't need to know. Besides, who's fault is that?
Amanda Woodward: Mine. I begged Eve not to tell you.
Dr. Peter Burns: But you could tell Kyle. Right? On the day of our wedding. The best man gets honesty while the groom gets screwed. You know who warned me about you? Lexi. Isn't a little ironic that Lexi warned me, my wife lied to me, and that it's all trivial.
Eve Cleary: Peter, don't do this to us.
Dr. Peter Burns: Us? There is no more us! Only you and Amanda! You two deserve each other.


"Melrose Place: The Big Bang Theory (#3.30)" (1995)
Dr. Peter Burns: I've got a medical board hearing at the end of the week. They want to yank my license.
Dr. Michael Mancini: You're kidding. Just 'cause you tried to kill one of your patients?

[Michael is suprisingly visited in jail by Dr. Peter Burns]
Dr. Peter Burns: It's ironic how things turn out for both of us. You're sitting behind that glass... and I'm a free man.
Dr. Michael Mancini: How the hell did you get out of jail?
Dr. Peter Burns: We'll swap prison stories another time. Right now, I wanted to let you know that your bail has been set at 300 grand... and I'm willing to play banker.


"Melrose Place: A Brand New Day (#6.1)" (1997)
[at Peter and Taylor's "Wedding"]
Priest: If there is anyone who has good reason why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Burns: Actually, I think I do.
Taylor Davis McBride: Peter, that's not funny.
Dr. Peter Burns: No, it's hilarious actually, if you think about it. Really, just think about it. Just probe that scheming little brain of yours and try to understand how you could think for a second that I could possibly stomach being in your presence for one more minute, much less marry you.
Taylor Davis McBride: Peter. My God, stop it.
Dr. Peter Burns: Did you think I was insane and stupid? I know what you and Michael did. I know about the lies. I know about the drugs. I know about the fake beatings, and how you had wanted to ruin me so you could come full circle with your bizarre fantasy of marrying your dead sister's husband.
Taylor Davis McBride: I won't listen to this.
Dr. Peter Burns: How could you believe that I would ever love you or want to touch you. You know what Taylor? Your a joke, and it's hard to believe that you were ever related to your sister, because to me, your lower than a slug. You ruined my marriage to Amanda and then you tried to destroy me, and now you want me to believe you're carrying my child? That's beyond pathetic. The thought of you being pregnant with my child is enough to make me vomit. Goodbye Taylor. I hope you get a ride back to wherever you came from.


"Melrose Place: Triumph of the Bill (#4.26)" (1996)
[Kimberly enters Peter's office wearing biker clothes]
Dr. Peter Burns: Uh... Hi. How's it going, Kimberly?
Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini: [as Rita] Actually, it's Rita. It's cool. Everything's cool.
Dr. Peter Burns: No more weird interludes? No more blackout spells?
Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini: I wasn't blacking out... I just wasn't myself.
Dr. Peter Burns: You thought you were going crazy the last time we talked. You called yourself Betsy. Ordered Tupperware? Don't you remember?
Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini: That was just some role-playing therapy. Everthing's under control now.
Dr. Peter Burns: Why am I not reassured?
Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini: Hey, come on. We all have different personalities inside us. You almost killed Amanda once. You'd probably kill for her right now.


"Melrose Place: The Trojan Stork (#6.2)" (1997)
Megan Lewis Mancini: Look, the hospital board still has no idea about the feud that is going between the two of you, and I've decided that it's going to stay that way. For your welfare and the welfare of Burns-Manicni, a medical corporation.
Dr. Peter Burns: Well, the lenghts some people will go to keep their job.
Megan Lewis Mancini: No, it's your job I'm saving, Peter. Let's review the facts. Fact number one: you both acted like insane, egocentric, overly-ambitious idiots.
Dr. Michael Mancini: And what if that's what we are, huh? Have you ever thought of that?
Dr. Peter Burns: And that we're proud of it?
Megan Lewis Mancini: Fact two: through a nefarious plot, worthy of Satan, Michael stole your job, Peter. Fact three: rather then go through the proper authorites of the medical and hospital boards, and the police, you, Peter, attacked and threw Michael through a glass window.
Dr. Peter Burns: Going to the police or the hospital board wouldn't have accomplished anything. Michael would have just denied everything and then make up some story about my fictitious "medical condition" to the board to put the blame back on me.
Dr. Michael Mancini: You're right. I definitely would have.
Megan Lewis Mancini: Enough! Now the purpose of my being here today is to negotiate a peace treaty.
Dr. Peter Burns: Forget it! I'm not signing anything util he gives me my chief of staff job back.
Dr. Michael Mancini: Oh, and leaving me with squat, just a pair of crippled mitts? No way, Jose! You're going to pay for this. As much as my acts were evil and amoral, I would never physically attack you.
Megan Lewis Mancini: Stop it, both of you! Okay? The solution is right here in front of you. Michael, all you have to do is agree to give Peter his job back once your hands are healed. Peter, in exchange for this, all you have to do is keep Michael on at Burns-Maninci as a partner, paying him equally, until he can operate again.
Dr. Michael Mancini: I am not giving up that job that I scamed so many people for.
Dr. Peter Burns: And why should I share my money with him?
Megan Lewis Mancini: Because the alternative sucks, that's why. If either one of you squals, the other one is finished, kaput. I have thought and I have thought about this, okay? And this is your only chance. Now if you were realy good men, you would stand up, shake hands, and that would be the end of that. Your word being your bond.
Dr. Michael Mancini: And what if we're not good men?
Megan Lewis Mancini: Then I would have to turn both of you in. We all go down in flames. Michael, you go down for stealing Peter's job, and Peter goes down for assaulting you, and I'm left with nothing. Good riddens!


"Melrose Place: Attack of the Scalpel Woman (#6.9)" (1997)
Dr. Michael Mancini: It was you, wasn't it? Yeah, you waited outside my house, then took shots at me. Yeah, you almost killed me, too. At first I thought it was a woman, but it was dark and my imagination...
Dr. Brett 'Coop' Cooper: Is way out of control. I've been in jail all night.
Dr. Peter Burns: I just bailed him out, Michael.
Dr. Michael Mancini: Oh. Well, then you hired someone. A hitman - a woman. Knock me off while you're in the pokey, giving you a perfect alibi.
Dr. Brett 'Coop' Cooper: [grabbing Michael] I am tired of these accusations, do you understand?
Dr. Peter Burns: Easy.
Dr. Brett 'Coop' Cooper: Now, you have destroyed a lot of people's lives, but you are *not* going to destroy mine, all right?
Dr. Peter Burns: [trying to separate the two] Easy, easy.
Dr. Brett 'Coop' Cooper: Now, you just stay the hell away from me!
Dr. Michael Mancini: You see that? Did you see that? He was ready to kill me.
Dr. Peter Burns: The fact still remains, Michael, is it couldn't have been him because he was in there all night. You know, instead of beating up on Coop, maybe you ought to just start asking yourself of all of the people that hate you, who hates you enough to want you dead?