Jake Hanson
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Quotes for
Jake Hanson (Character)
from "Beverly Hills, 90210" (1990)

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"Melrose Place: Pilot (#1.1)" (1992)
Alison Parker Armstrong: Is Natalie in there?
Jake Hanson: Why is it that every time a girl doesn't show up at night, people think she's at my apartment?
Alison Parker Armstrong: Is she?

Jake Hanson: Kelly?
Kelly Taylor: Jake. Why didn't you return any of my calls? I left a bunch of messages for you. Didn't you get them?
Jake Hanson: Yeah. I was just busy working on this house, that's all.
Kelly Taylor: Jake, if you don't wanna see me then I guess that's something I'll have to deal with. But don't you think you owe me some kind of explanation? I mean, three weeks ago you show up at my mom's wedding and you say let's try to make this work, and the next thing I knew you just disappeared.
Jake Hanson: Kelly, I was there as your date. I don't remember us planning our future together.
Kelly Taylor: Don't tell me you didn't feel anything.
Jake Hanson: What do you want me to do? Spend my summer hanging out at the Beverly Hills Beach Club with you and your friends?
Kelly Taylor: I don't know. But I... I just wish you'd just stop avoiding me. It's making me crazy.

Kelly Taylor: Look, if you think I'm some stupid lovesick teenager making a fool of myself, then why don't you just tell me, okay, and I will leave. But if you really feel something for me, and you're afraid of it because you think you're too old and I'm too young. Well, I don't care what anybody thinks about us, Jake. And I don't know why you do, either.
Jake Hanson: I don't. I'm just trying to do what's right.
Kelly Taylor: What's right is what you feel. Otherwise, you're just lying to yourself.
Jake Hanson: Yeah, well sometimes you got to lie to yourself once in a while just to keep life running smoothly.

Sandy Louise Harling: Jake, I have just decided that if you're gonna date high school girls, I'm gonna date high school boys. Starting with this one.
[to Steve]
Sandy Louise Harling: You're cute.
Steve Sanders: Steve Sanders.
Sandy Louise Harling: Hi. Sandy. So, where you all from, anyway?
Jake Hanson: Beverly Hills.
Sandy Louise Harling: Oh, Beverly Hills. Handsome and rich.
[about Kelly]
Sandy Louise Harling: Is she from Beverly Hills too?
Steve Sanders: Yeah.
Sandy Louise Harling: Well, I do believe I'm beginning to get the picture.
Jake Hanson: Sandy's an actress. Don't believe anything she says.
Sandy Louise Harling: Shut up, Jake.
Steve Sanders: You know, my Mom's an actress. Samantha Sanders.
Sandy Louise Harling: Like the Samantha Sanders from Hartley House? Oh my God. Well, I would do just anything to meet her.
Steve Sanders: Let me give you my number, and maybe you can drop by this weekend.

Sandy Louise Harling: When it comes to women, you just don't think with your brain. I know that from first hand experience, remember? You probably don't.
Jake Hanson: Of course I do.

"Melrose Place: House of God (#1.15)" (1992)
Jake Hanson: [meeting Jo for the first time, after he finds a box of photographic equipment at his door] So you're um... a photographer then?
Jo Reynolds: And so you're ah... CIA or KGB, or just nosy?
Jake Hanson: Well, the box was in front of my door, wasn't it? I'm Jake Hanson. I live right there.
Jo Reynolds: Oh, the motorcycle aficionado. Yeah, Rhonda gave me caps and reviews on all the neighbors. There's Billy the writer, there's Michael the doctor, and there's Jake, the silent type.
Jake Hanson: And you're uh...
Jo Reynolds: Jo. The private type.

Jake Hanson: You know, you gotta watch the water around here. The plumbing's kind of weird, you know. Like, you turn on hot, I get cold. That kind of thing.
Jo Reynolds: So, what are you saying? I have to call you before I shower?
Jake Hanson: No, no. Just if you hear my shower going, wait. Generally, I take short showers.
Jo Reynolds: Oh, I'm so relieved.

Jake Hanson: Have a nice day.
Jo Reynolds: [checking him out as he goes downstairs] I'll do my best.

Jake Hanson: You know, as far as I know, there's no welcome wagon around here. At least nothing official. So, if you want someone to show you around town...
Jo Reynolds: [rudely interrupting] I'll call a cab.

"Melrose Place: Peanut Butter and Jealousy (#1.20)" (1993)
Jo Reynolds: You're angry.
Jake Hanson: Yeah! I'm angry. I spent three days, doing nothing, sitting on the sidelines, not saying anything, just letting it happen. 'Cause that's what everyone - including you - told me I should do. 'Sit on it, Jake.' 'Don't push her, Jake.' I'm sorry! I can't do that! That's not who I am. I've been thinking about you. And I've been worrying about you. And I'm scared to death that I just fell in love with someone that I'm gonna lose before we get started.

Jake Hanson: I've been as confused about this as she has. Even though I think about her all the time. And I look forward to being with her. And when we're together, it feels right and special. And I never thought I'd feel that way about anybody.

Jake Hanson: She's making the decision. She's only hearing his side. I never told her how I feel.

Jake Hanson: I haven't even slept with her.
Billy Campbell: You haven't? You?

"Beverly Hills, 90210: Mexican Standoff (#2.27)" (1992)
Jake Hanson: I'm Jake Hanson.
Brenda Walsh: Brenda Walsh. Dylan told me that you taught him how to surf.
Dylan McKay: How to surf. How to ride a motorcycle.
Jake Hanson: How to pick up girls.
Brenda Walsh: Well, fortunately he's unlearned a few of those lessons.
Dylan McKay: So, where are you living these days, man?
Jake Hanson: Oh, just a little place off Melrose. Nothing special.

Kelly Taylor: Listen, my mom's at Lamaze class, and I was just nuking some lasagna. If you're hungry, you could stay for dinner. If you're not busy.
Jake Hanson: No, I'm not busy. I'm starved.

[Kelly and Jake are about to eat lasagna]
Jake Hanson: Smells great.
Kelly Taylor: Yeah, I love lasagna.
Jake Hanson: I'm not talking about the lasagna.

"Melrose Place: Lonely Hearts (#1.8)" (1992)
Sandy Louise Harling: It's nice having someone to cook breakfast for.
Jake Hanson: It's nice having someone cook breakfast for you... occasionally.

Sandy Louise Harling: I was just stupidly hoping for a little compassion.
Jake Hanson: Well, I'm sorry. Wrong gender.

Jake Hanson: Hey, to some people, flirting just comes naturally.
Sandy Louise Harling: You know, Jake, you really piss me off sometimes.

"Melrose Place: The Test (#1.27)" (1993)
Jake Hanson: I think I like it better in the morning.
Jo Reynolds: Why's that?
Jake Hanson: Because it gets my day started with such a bang.

Jo Reynolds: Who's Perry?
Jake Hanson: Bad news.
Jo Reynolds: Let me rephrase the question. Who's Perry?
Jake Hanson: An old girlfriend alright!

"Melrose Place: Irreconcilable Similarites (#1.25)" (1993)
Jake Hanson: [about Jo] She works on these speeches late at night.

Jake Hanson: [to Billy, about Amanda] She's a beautiful woman, but I get the feeling that she likes to be in control.

"Melrose Place: Responsibly Yours (#1.9)" (1992)
Jake Hanson: Well, you know what they say: "Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder".
Sandy Louise Harling: I think that's 'absence'.
Jake Hanson: Whatever.

Jake Hanson: [fixing Sandy's closet door] The problem is you've got a nut loose. It needs a good tightening. No pun intended.

"Melrose Place: Second Chances (#1.6)" (1992)
Allison Parker: Hi, I just rented "9 and a Half Weeks", and my VCR is broken. Is it okay if I watch it here?
Jake Hanson: Sure.

Allison Parker: Very impressive.
Jake Hanson: Yeah, well, I cut timber in Washington, I trout fished in Idaho, and I spent six months working on the pipeline in a small town in Alaska, which, trust me, is not "Northern Exposure".

"Melrose Place: Much Ado About Everything (#2.1)" (1993)
Jo Reynolds: Guess we're not very good at staying broken up.
Jake Hanson: That's surprising, considering how much practice we've had.

Jo Reynolds: We've lived together, what, two days, and already we're out of topics!
Jake Hanson: My mouth was full!

"Melrose Place: Lost & Found (#1.3)" (1992)
Jake Hanson: You know what they say, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
Sandy Louise Harling: That's absence.
Jake Hanson: Whatever.

[last lines]
Sandy Louise Harling: Good night, Jake.
Jake Hanson: Good night, Sandy.

"Beverly Hills, 90210: Wedding Bell Blues (#2.28)" (1992)
[Kelly and Jake are dancing at Jackie and Mel's wedding]
Jake Hanson: I should probally get arrested for thinking what I'm thinking.
Kelly Taylor: I woun't call the police.

"Melrose Place: Leap of Faith (#1.5)" (1992)
Jake Hanson: [to Michael about women] I've got two words for you: never trust 'em.

"Melrose Place: Bye Bye Billy (#1.24)" (1993)
Jake Hanson: [about Jo's surprise] What's that? M-16?

"Melrose Place: Burned (#1.10)" (1992)
Jake Hanson: [to Billy] Hey, wake up, Rambo.

"Melrose Place: Dr. Jekyll Saves His Hide (#3.9)" (1994)
Chris Marchette: [whispering to Sydney] Diddling the boss, I here? That's one way of staying out of the nuthouse where you belong.
Sydney Andrews: [slaps him across the face] You bastard! Stay away from me! You here me?
[Jake enters]
Jake Hanson: [to Chris] All right, that's it. Get out!
Chris Marchette: [feigning innocence] Now wait a minute! That girl's out of her mind! She attacked me for no reason! I did absolutely nothing.
Jake Hanson: [scoffs] I don't give a damn! Get out of my place. You insult Sydney, you insult me too.
Jane Andrews Mancini: [walks up; completely oblivious to Chris' actions] Jake, Chris and I only came here to make peace.
Chris Marchette: Jane's right. I only said 'hello' to Sydney, and she just slaped me.
Jake Hanson: Take your lies and your ego elsewhere, Crocodile Dundee!
Chris Marchette: I am not lying!
Jake Hanson: I said, get out! You too, Jane. Out!
Jane Andrews Mancini: Sydney is one lying to you Jake! She has you so fooled. You have no idea what a sick person you are involved with!
Jake Hanson: Oh, that's funny. I was about to say the exact same thing to you about Chris!

"Melrose Place: My New Partner (#1.23)" (1993)
Jake Hanson: [to Jo] I don't think I've ever opened this door for you when you didn't have a bag of food in your hands.

"Melrose Place: The Burning Couch (#4.25)" (1996)
Claire Duncan: I've always wanted to sleep with John Wayne.
Jake Hanson: That's too bad. He's deceased.

"Melrose Place: The Big Bang Theory (#3.30)" (1995)
Jess Hanson: I walk out that door, Jake, and that's it... I don't have a brother anymore.
Jake Hanson: Works for me.

"Melrose Place: A Melrose Place Christmas (#1.18)" (1992)
Jo Reynolds: You didn't think I was that easy.
Jake Hanson: [laughing] Easy? The thought never crossed my mind.

"Melrose Place: The Whole Truth (#1.16)" (1992)
Jo Reynolds: [ostensibly talking about Michael] That guy is so anal. He needs to prescribe something calming for himself.
Jake Hanson: He's alright. He just takes things too seriously, that's all.
Jo Reynolds: Yeah, you're right. I'm a bitch. Look, I need a favor.

"Melrose Place: Flirting with Disaster (#2.7)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: Do you have something against conversation?
Jake Hanson: If I wanted conversation I'd call a 900 number.

"Melrose Place: Suspicious Minds (#1.32)" (1993)
Jake Hanson: I don't know what's worse: that I had to bail you out of jail, or that you lied to me.
Jo Reynolds: Well, go home, sleep on it and then get back to me when you've figured it out.

"Melrose Place: Three's a Crowd (#1.22)" (1993)
Jo Reynolds: So tell me about this dream you had.
[Jake sets down their coffee cups]
Jake Hanson: I'll show you.
[Takes her by the hand as they run to the bedroom]

"Melrose Place: Friends & Lovers (#1.2)" (1992)
Kelly Taylor: I have to be home by midnight.
Jake Hanson: Me too.

"Melrose Place: The Tangled Web (#2.10)" (1993)
Jake Hanson: What's wrong with "Mandy"? It was good enough for Barry Manilow.

"Melrose Place: Jake vs. Jake (#1.17)" (1992)
Jo Reynolds: Just because I can't be trusted doesn't mean I can't be a good listener.
Jake Hanson: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.