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Quotes for
Billy Campbell (Character)
from "Melrose Place" (1992)

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"Melrose Place: Leap of Faith (#1.5)" (1992)
[last lines]
Billy Campbell: [as he begins typing his next entry] Move over, Doogie Howser.

Allison Parker: No one said you had to drink to be a writer. No one even said you had to have adventures. Look at Emily Dickinson. She hardly even left her house.
Billy Campbell: What a candy-ass!

Billy Campbell: [to Allison] Come on, we're going to Shooters. I can at least start working on my drinking problem.

[first lines]
Billy Campbell: The man has arrived.
Allison Parker: Billy, you're a stud.

Billy Campbell: Move over, Doogie Howser

"Melrose Place: Pilot (#1.1)" (1992)
Billy Campbell: I'm a writer.
Alison Parker Armstrong: Writer? What kind of writer?
Billy Campbell: A novelist.
Alison Parker Armstrong: You mean like Jackie Collins?
Billy Campbell: No, I mean like Norman Mailer.

[last lines]
Alison Parker Armstrong: Why don't they teach you this in college?
Billy Campbell: Okay, Allison, we're going in too.

Alison Parker Armstrong: Oh, before I forget. Above and beyond everything I've told you so far, you've got to remember one very important thing. Always, always leave the toilet seat down. Okay?
Billy Campbell: Cool.

Billy Campbell: [to Allison] I mean, I'm starting to feel like this sexually repressed, totally frustrated newt. The other night I was spilling my guts to my buddy and I was dangerously close to just emasculating myself.

"Melrose Place: Dreams Come True (#1.13)" (1992)
Billy Campbell: What's to explain? Love is blind and stupid.

Billy Campbell: [to Keith] Well it must be nice, hanging out here on your porch, checking out the slides and cheating on your wife.

Keith Gray: You're just jealous, pal.
Billy Campbell: I just care about her more than you do... pal.

Allison Parker: He's not lying to me.
Billy Campbell: Why not? He lies to his wife.

"Melrose Place: My New Partner (#1.23)" (1993)
Billy Campbell: [about Allison's behavior] You know, I saw this once on "The Late Show" once. They had to kill her with a stake to the heart and dump her in the Danube before midnight.

Allison Parker: You think I'm crazy?
Billy Campbell: Everybody's crazy.

Billy Campbell: [to Alison, about Keith] Would you please call off Shamu, the politically correct whale?

"Melrose Place: A Melrose Place Christmas (#1.18)" (1992)
Billy Campbell: [Alison shows off her necklace. Jo rolls her eyes at Billy] Token of friendship.
Jo Reynolds: Of course. And that's exactly what you'll get in return.

Jo Reynolds: Is it eighteen carats or twenty four?
Billy Campbell: Twenty four.
Jo Reynolds: Definite crossing the line.

Jo Reynolds: Christmas lights... If they're so festive and special, why don't people keep them up all year round?
Billy Campbell: Well, if you kept 'em up all year round, it wouldn't be special, would it?

"Melrose Place: A Promise Broken (#1.11)" (1992)
Billy Campbell: I was doing your wash, I was trying to be nice. So I happened to see your bra?
Allison Parker: See it? You were practically wearing it.

Billy Campbell: If you'd come in five minutes earlier, we were singing your bras praises. I'm talking real admiration and respect.
Allison Parker: I'm living with an absolute pervert.
Billy Campbell: Well, maybe I'm living with an absolute prude.

Allison Parker: What do you mean, "what"? You were staring at my breasts.
Billy Campbell: Oh, please. I was not.
Allison Parker: This is exactly why I was so angry. First that whole thing with my bra, and now you are undressing me with your eyes.

"Melrose Place: Friends & Lovers (#1.2)" (1992)
Billy Campbell: [to Allison] Painting can be stimulating. Rollers, brushes. Fumes.

[last lines]
Billy Campbell: What a weekend.
Allison Parker: No kidding.

Allison Parker: I mean, my God, are you at least gonna...? I mean, have you...? Are you going to...?
Billy Campbell: If you're referring to condoms, I am, Yeah. I mean, I have and I always do.
Allison Parker: No, I am not referring to condoms.

"Melrose Place: Lost & Found (#1.3)" (1992)
[first lines]
Billy Campbell: You look good, kitten. Real good.
Blonde: And when I'm bad, I'm just the way you like it.

Billy Campbell: [walking into the apartment] Lucy, I'm home.
Allison Parker: I'm in the kitchen.

Billy Campbell: You know the problem with you, Allison? You have no taste, just like your casserole.
Allison Parker: That's great. Don't eat it.

"Melrose Place: Devil in a Wet Dress (#4.21)" (1996)
[Billy is confronted by Brooke's ghost emerging from the swimming pool]
Brooke Armstrong: Hello, Billy. Miss me? Nice job at my funeral. What happened? Couldn't you admit that it's your fault that I'm dead?
Billy Campbell: This isn't happening.
Brooke Armstrong: Oh, yes it is, and it is your fault. I came to you with so much love, and you gave me nothing but hate. Too bad Alison won't stay with you. I guess she knows that you're a heartless, unfeeling bastard!
[Billy walks away from Brooke's ghost to his apartment]
Brooke Armstrong: You can't run away from me. I'll never leave you.
Billy Campbell: Stop it!
Brooke Armstrong: I'll never leave you alone!

Billy Campbell: What do you want from me?
Brooke Armstrong: I don't want anything from you. I don't need your love anymore. Do you know why? Because you sold me your soul. And all it cost me was one little line. That silly little Lindy Toy slogan, it's going to make you a star. And from now on, every step you take, every bridge you burn, will be because of me.

"Melrose Place: Pas de Trois (#1.29)" (1993)
Billy Campbell: Alison, you're a wholesome woman, alright? Some men they, they get turned on by that. Well, like farmers or the 4-H crowd.

Billy Campbell: Look at our relationship. Yours and mine. I've been sleeping in the room next to you all this time, and not once have I acted on my temptations.
Allison Parker: If either one of us had... 'temptations', don't you think one of us would have acted on them by now?
Billy Campbell: Yeah, you'd think so.
Allison Parker: This is a stupid conversation.
Billy Campbell: Yeah, I'll say.

"Melrose Place: Bye Bye Billy (#1.24)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: Billy, I have to get ready for work. I don't have much time.
Billy Campbell: You've never accused me of taking too long.

Billy Campbell: This guy? He's your hero? This is me, Alison. I was here when he broke your heart.

"Melrose Place: Second Chances (#1.6)" (1992)
Billy Campbell: Allison, please. You just wiped us out. You don't need to torture us with your college anecdotes.
Allison Parker: I just thought that maybe people would be interested.

Billy Campbell: She didn't say a word. She went right into her bedroom and collapsed. She was exhausted.
Sandy Louise Harling: Really?
Billy Campbell: Spent.
Sandy Louise Harling: I get the picture.

"Melrose Place: Suspicious Minds (#1.32)" (1993)
Allison Parker: I thought you were with 'I-need-a-man-Amanda'?
Billy Campbell: You're drunk!
Allison Parker: Yeah. Shocking, isn't it?

Amanda Woodward: My big surprise! I'm buying the building, I mean dad and I are buying the building! But I'm gonna live here and manage the place!
Allison Parker: I can't believe it!
Billy Campbell: Yeah, this is... this is...
Amanda Woodward: Wonderful, isn't it? Great investment, great friends; I think I'm really gonna love it here!

"Melrose Place: Fire Power (#2.4)" (1993)
Billy Campbell: After my speech last night, I thought I'd find my bags on the porch.
Allison Parker: [laughing] You know me better than that. You know I'd never pack for you.

Billy Campbell: [about Alison] Can't you just ease up on her, she's doing the best she can.
Amanda Woodward: I know, that's what worries me.

"Melrose Place: Single White Sister (#1.19)" (1993)
Allison Parker: Thanks Billy.
Billy Campbell: You're welcome, Eleanor.

Billy Campbell: Oh my God, Alison, I left the stove on!

"Melrose Place: Peanut Butter and Jealousy (#1.20)" (1993)
Jake Hanson: I haven't even slept with her.
Billy Campbell: You haven't? You?

Lucy Cabot: [about Billy] Well, he's too charming to be the married one.
Billy Campbell: No, I'm the roommate one.
Lucy Cabot: Roommate? Allison, you continue to surprise me.

"Melrose Place: A Long Night's Journey (#2.2)" (1993)
Billy Campbell: Make sure he gets on that plane because I'm going to be waiting for you here in that bed if that's o.k. with you.
Allison Parker: Just make sure you don't have anything on.

"Melrose Place: Picture Imperfect (#1.21)" (1993)
Billy Campbell: Why can't she get a real date?
Dr. Michael Mancini: Why can't you?

"Melrose Place: Irreconcilable Similarites (#1.25)" (1993)
Amanda Woodward: [watching 'Nosferatu'] Billy, I have to tell you something. I absolutely hate horror films.
Billy Campbell: Well, you should've just said so.
Amanda Woodward: Oh, wasn't it obvious?
Billy Campbell: It'd be a little more obvious if you'd said so.
Amanda Woodward: Well, you should've sensed it.
Billy Campbell: You should've been more direct.
Amanda Woodward: Could we at least turn it down?
Billy Campbell: No, I want it loud.
Amanda Woodward: Billy, I'm not kidding.
Billy Campbell: Well, neither am I. I live here too, you know. Sometimes I think you forget that.
Amanda Woodward: Fine!
[gets up and walks out of the room]

"Melrose Place: Responsibly Yours (#1.9)" (1992)
Billy Campbell: I mean, Dawn's a woman. She's worldly, talented, mature...
Rhonda Blair: Yes, so what does she see in you?

"Melrose Place: My Way (#1.7)" (1992)
[last lines]
Billy Campbell: Give me the phone!
Allison Parker: Give me the number.
Billy Campbell: Give me the phone, I'll give you the number.
Allison Parker: Number.
Billy Campbell: Phone.
Allison Parker: Number!

"Melrose Place: The Days of Wine and Vodka (#3.11)" (1994)
Billy Campbell: You're drunk.
Allison Parker Armstrong: Yeah, well you're a self-centered pig. At least in the morning I'll be sober.

"Melrose Place: Non-Sexual Healing (#3.5)" (1994)
Billy Campbell: Palmer had to have taken Jake by force. It's the only thing that makes any sense. I mean, he could never have bought Jake.
Jo Reynolds: No wonder Amanda is the way she is. She's Palmer Woodward's daughter, and she's just like him: paranoid, distrustful, deceitful. Her survival instinct always at work in the office and out. "Everyone is out to get me. Get them before they get you. Never trust anyone."
Matt Fielding: I don't know. I think she trusted Jake.
Allison Parker: [scoffs] Yeah, as much as she could trust anyone. The only person in this world that Amanda Woodward trusts and counts on is Amanda Woodward.

"Melrose Place: Polluted Affairs (#1.12)" (1992)
Billy Campbell: If I had money, why would I need credit?

"Melrose Place: State of Need (#1.31)" (1993)
Allison Parker: But something has changed, Billy. We made love.
Billy Campbell: We sure did!

"Melrose Place: The Whole Truth (#1.16)" (1992)
Billy Campbell: I was just cleaning out the fridge and I found this bottle of champagne.
Jo Reynolds: [sarcastically] Where'd you find the glasses? The dishwasher?
Billy Campbell: Uh, no. The cupboard.

"Melrose Place: Let the Games Begin (#4.7)" (1995)
Billy Campbell: [about Jack Parezi] Don't do this. There are plenty of other accounts that Brooke can get.
Amanda Woodward: If it wasn't Brooke, Jack would still find another way in. He would have found me eventually.
Billy Campbell: We're not in Miami anymore, so just tell the guy to take a hike.
Amanda Woodward: I'm handling this, all right? Just stay out it and stay away from Jack.
Billy Campbell: Well, you're not handling it very well. If you're not gonna tell him to get lost, I will.
Amanda Woodward: No, Billy! Wait! Listen... um... I didn't know what I was getting into when I married Jack. I was young, wild, naive and immature. I didn't know how violent and posessive that he really was. One night about a few months after we got married, he was supposed to be out of town on business, and I went out to dinner with some of my girlfriends, and he was waiting for me when I came back. His business trip was canceled so he came back home. Instead of giving me a kiss, he gave me a black eye... my first black eye.
Billy Campbell: Why? Why would he hit you?
Amanda Woodward: Because I went out without his permission. It's a Sicilian tradition that the husband is to control of the wife. In Jack's world, as in most European traditions, a woman's place is in the home. He wouldn't allow me to work or go out without his permission. Anyway, the next morning, Jack told me he was sorry that he hit me and promised that he wouldn't do it again. But a few months later... he did. It would happen every other week, then once a week. He'd hit me for even the slightest isolence. The only change was that he just stopped apologizing. I once told Jack's father about what he was doing to me, but he told me that by Italian tradition no one, not even a high-ranking don, can intervene in a married couple's personal disputes. I kept trying to get away, but Jack wouldn't let me. One time, I made it all the way to Tallahassee when two of his goons found me and dragged me back to Miami, threw me in the house... and when I looked up, there was my father... his face all bruised and bloody, down on his knees... and Jack was holding a gun to his head. Jack, his father, and their thugs where all there. They told me that if I ever tried to leave Jack again, they would kill him. A few months later, my father helped me escape for good with the boating accident and all. Now... when Jack patted you on your shoulder a minute ago... that was a message. I've seen Jack do it before. It's a coded message the Mob uses which means "don't mess with me". I've seen Jack do that to business rivals, fellow associates, even my father. I just don't want to see you down on your knees with Jack holding a gun to your head. So, do us both a favor, okay? Stay out of this, and stay away from Jack at all costs.

"Melrose Place: Drawing the Line (#1.14)" (1992)
Allison Parker: Life doesn't always come neatly packed, and neither does love.
Billy Campbell: [laughs] Alison, you should listen to yourself. You sound like a dysfunctional Hallmark card.